02x07 - The End of the Real World

[bunniefuu]

It's savage, it's stylish, it's for

spring The celebrity deathmatch

collection at your body Rock your

mind. The deadliest poetry slam of

all time 123 out of four

wheel die the end of the.

Real World. All this

and more tonight, Don

Celebrity Deathmatch. Hey

there, Nick Diamond, right back at you,

Johnny Gomez. What an incredible show we

have tonight. Beautiful women, gifted

poets, young people hanging out together.

And what have they all gotten common,

Nick? A slim chance of getting out of

here alive, Johnny. That's right, Nick.

And nobody knows more about getting out

alive than the participants of our main.

Event, The final round of the Real World

Tournament of Death. Yes. Only four have

survived the grueling series of

elimination bouts that have led to this

evening's final round. Is your favorite

Real World cast member still alive? And

will they survive tonight's show? We'll

find out. No, Johnny, they say sticks and

stones can break your bones. But words

can never hurt you, except when the

undercard fight is a poetry slam. And

this is a poetry slam for the ages.

We used the Celebrity Deathmatch time

machine to bring to the Serena the

greatest poet in history, William

Shakespeare. He'll be going up against

the greatest poet of today, Busta Rhyme.

Now, some folks. Might find that choice

surprising. Personally, I would have gone

for Rakim or KRS-one of Boogie Down

production. But before we get to our

undercard, we have a very special treat

for our viewers tonight. If you love

beautiful women and beautiful clothes,

you're going to love the glamorous

premiere of the Deathmatch Spring

collection based on clothes. Actually

worn inside the ring, the new Celebrity

Death Match line brings together for the

first time anywhere the world's of high

fashion and extreme violence. These are

closed or working woman will feel

comfortable in at the office, out on the

town or in a regular role fight to the

death. And helping us to show off the

Will be supermodels. Kate Moss, Tyra

Banks and Claudia Schiffer, In just a few

minutes, they'll be strutting their stuff

on the Celebrity Deathmatch runway. Which

reminds me, I better go backstage and see

how things are going. Johnny. Actually,

the girls specifically requested that you

steer clear of the backstage area. Nick.

Johnny, you're such a titter. No, Nick.

Not kidding. Ohh. But Stacey Cornbread is

backstage and she has an exclusive

interview. Stacey. Thanks, Johnny. I'm

standing here with Tyra Banks, Kate Moss

and Claudia Schiffer, and despite all the

cliches you hear about models being

ditchy, over competitive and ready to

stab each other in the back, but these

girls are a bunch of. Sweethearts, The

press just likes to make that trash up.

We're all good girlfriends. We get along

wonderfully. These are my mates.

Ohh, well, thank you for being a part

of the Deathmatch Spring Collection. Back

to you, Johnny. And we're clear. Ohh.

Thanks, Stacy. Well, it looks as if we're

just about ready to get started with the

fashion show. Let's go down and take a

look at the runway. Ladies and gentlemen,

please put your hands together. For

the Death Bench spring

collection. The lovely Tyra

Banks showing off one of the two pieces

from the swimwear collection. Now we

don't see bikinis in the ring very often,

but I'm thinking there should be

mandatory just right for a quick swim or

if you should happen to get into a death

match ring, it's the perfect outfit for

gutting your opponent like a fish. I

can't. Great to see the action at

the beach this summer. Sharks beware. And

here's Bitway Cake Boss wearing

Deathmatch acid wash designer jeans. I

know what's deadly about those. James,

Johnny, the price tag.

Ohh. My gosh. I'm so sorry. Are

you OK? Yeah, Just great. Here's Claudia

Schiffer looking ready for a night on

the town in an elegant speeded wrap

around. I feel terrible. Of course, it

was just an accident. Course, it was

just like this.

Wow, those scenes are more than acid

washed. They throw acid. Look what you've

done. You have scarred me for life. Swear

it was an accident. I'm really, really

sorry. Can you ever forgive me? Don't

worry about it, darling. I know you

didn't mean to. Oh,

oh, sweetie, will you help me pick up

my beads? Of course. Thank you, kick

darling. Nick,

those exploding beads make this a

very breathable garment indeed.

Breathtaking, Johnny. Ohh,

we've really gone out on a limb with

this one, Nick. Kyra's wearing a mink

stole and we all know that fur is

not politically correct. But there's no

cruelty to animals involved. Johnny, that

link is alive and it's going right for

Claudia's jugular.

Where's Kate? Back with another one of

the collections, Exquisite accessories.

This one's a pocketbook covered in

beautiful rhinestones. There's room for

your wallet, a makeup mirror, and up to



This was the wrong supermodel beach.

Quickly go for the eyes. Look

out. Jake. Is my boyfriend good

here? He would make you both

disappear forever. Looks

like these ladies are really putting the

Deathmatch spring collection through its

paces. It's not just stand there and

pose. You really have to work it with

these clothes. They hardly resemble

models anymore, Johnny, unless you're

talking about anatomical models. Looks

like fashion is the winner tonight, Nick.

Let's all give them a big hand.

And they beautiful. This is a huge

success. I haven't seen anything like

this since the Donatella Versace show

last year. Well, when they talk about

Dress to k*ll, they're talking about the

Death Match spring collection.

How did Chris Rock finally gain the upper

hand over Adam Sandler? If you guessed

see the Mexican Liver Punch, then you

were correctly able to name that move.

Welcome back back to Celine Deathmatch. I

think we're going to put aside the

senseless violence for a moment to

appreciate one of the finer things in

life, poetry. And there's no better way

to appreciate that than to hold a poetry

slam. 2 masses of the word will be

bashing each other's heads in for the

title of the greatest poet of all time.

Just a few days ago we used our Celebrity

Deathmatch. Time machine. Before we get

to that, you know I wrote a little

poetry in college. Ohh. God no. Nick,

please.

Love throbbing hot, pulsating, burning

inside like the heat from 1000

billion Suns. And did I mention

pulsating Nick? Damn it, that's enough.

A few days ago we used

our Celebrity Death Match time machine

to fetch one of tonight's. Poetry

slam combatants, The famed poet,

playwright William Shakespeare. Let's

take a look at the tape.

What my love did retrieve is this. Have

I gone mad?Welcome

to the 90s, Mr. Shakespeare. Of course,

like many of our time traveling

combatants, he needed a little catch up

course in the most important events of

the late 20th century. And that's when

the diamond they called called Nick

involved. You see,

Bill's hip hop started in the Bronx

in the early 1970s when St. Kids

took to rapping over other people's

records.

So that's where the whole East Coast,

West Coast feud is at. Tell

me more about this Jaggy. Nick, you did

a great job bringing Shakespeare

up-to-date. How are you figuring

tonight's poetry slam it's gonna be?

Johnny Busters has got a lot of St.

cred, but what people don't realize is

that the filthy streets of London circa



the insane. And the terminally ugly Let's

go down to our own house poet referee

Mills Lane JoJo. I'd like to say hello to

my peaks in the Flip Mode squad and a

special one up to the Woof Tang k*ller

Bees, the genius old Dirty ******* Rizza

and the Ghost Face k*ller. And I would

like to pay homage to Her Royal Majesty.

Queen Elizabeth the 1st and that most

noble gentleman shall Francis Bacon. Now

remember, life is better stage and death

is what comes at the end of this

match. Let's get it on.

Come on punk ***** put your hands where

my eyes could see Dave Verbiage. Don't

leave. They found Stint at the mic.

Shakespeare starting things off, but

Buster seems to have the upper hand. Ohh

man, come on, look at that. Skinny legs

like a chicken, got a big old head like

an egg. It's no wonder why you couldn't

get none. Thou must be soft

in her head, for thou have let us rubbery

grow out of it. Ohh, William Shakespeare

off to a good start with a decapitated

head pounder. It used to leave those

monologues with a hell of a headache.

I do believe that Shakespeare is

introducing Buster from The Two Gentlemen

of Verona on Face territory upon the

Matt Morris one.

Ohh, right. All right, I'm gonna give you

that one. You got some good moves, but

that's old school, see.

Show you how to new school just.

Now this is what a

poetry slam is all about.

The slamming. How much punishment

can a 16th century dream

body take? See ya. Ohh.

Devastating barrage from Buster has

Shakespeare shaken.



Ohh.

And Shakespeare's Down Buster may have

this fight all wrapped up. What the

Dilio?The dilly doth

be here. Strange maneuver on

Shakespeare's part, Vic. He's taken off

his cod piece. Let's hope he doesn't

take out his cod. Wait, that's no

cod piece. That's a crossbow. Will Mills

allow it? Cod piece? Crossbows are OK

in my book. I'll allow it.

Is that it, Robin Hood? All that

hoopla for one teeny tiny little arrow?

Ohh, hang on, that's no ordinary

crossbow. It's an automatic And now I

shall put a cap in thy ****.

Shakespeare has Buster on the run. He's

got the ring and into that time

machine. Oh

my God The Time Machine has been

activated. And

Buster is out of here, and

we're there, by temporal

dematerialization, is William

Shakespeare. Wow, Buster

got teleported right out of this century.

I hope you brought a clean pair

of underwear. Lords and ladies, please

welcome to the stage of London's Globe

Theatre, England's greatest living

playwright. yo-yo peace. I'd like to

shout out to my man, the Duke

of Gloucestershire. And

I like to shout out to that fine fox lady

Windermere. Now I hope y'all enjoy my new

toy. I call, I call it a midnight. Ohh, I

got you all in check.

Coming up next, the most highly

anticipated tournament of death so far

this year. It's MTV's Real World.

What on earth is that? God

awful. Bracket.

Thou mighty shop woofer.

It's been quite an evening so far. We

saw three supermodels make mincemeat of

their scrawny bodies during the

Deathmatch Spring collection. Then we

watched in awe as William Shakespeare

busted a time travelling move on Buster

Ride. And now it's time for our main

event, the final round of The Real World.

Tournament of Death It's been 3 months

and 52 funerals now since the beginning

of MTV's Real World Tournament of Death.

By popular demand, all the cast members

of every season of The Real World

participated in a series of deadly

elimination bouts until only four

ferocious roommates were left alive.

Tonight, these finalists go into the ring

to determine which one will survive the

ultimate round of the Real World

Tournament of Death. They're just

entering the arena now. Johnny, ladies

and gentlemen, please welcome from the

Los Angeles season the most violent

virgin in America. John.

Also from the real world, stay in

the City of Angels, the terrifying ******

outer of roommates Tammy.

On the London season, the

malevolent bottled water Jacinda.

And from the San Francisco season,

the proud Prince of Nose Picker

Pickers pack.

This is the true story of four strangers

picked to fight in a death match and have

their deaths take. We want to find out

what happens when people stop being

polite and start getting it on.

Ohh, this here's a great ring, isn't it?

It's pretty cool. It's got a good view of

the audience.

Hey, have a look at the

couch. Bloody brilliant. Yeah, and

there's plenty of stuff in the

fridge. Cool looking fish. Hey, look,

there's four turnbuckles. We can each

have our own.

Sorry, Chubbs, the puck gets this

turnbuckle. Who said you can say who

gets what? And listen to this? I

can say who gets what just cause

I'm beautiful. Ohh yeah yeah. Come on,

you can't treat ladies like this.

This one's going to be my turn back all.

What a great start to the fight. It

didn't take these veterans long to be at

each other's throats. Young people just

aren't meant to live together in a ring,

Johnny.

Yeah, Yeah. Yep. Yep, Yep. Ohh. Yeah. The

puck is mighty hungry. You know, Johnny,

this reminds me of my college days. I

had a had a roommate named at banquets.

He always used to leave his toenail

clippings by the sink and then one.

Nobody cares, Nick. It's an

excellent PB man puck going for

the legendary fingertip, but he better

look out. Wow.

My head injury that could spell trouble

for punk. No gross

puppet his brains in the peanut butter.

That's disgusting. I'm selfish, man. How

to do that? That's that's everybody's

peanut butter. I demand to meet him

right now. Group meeting

A smart move by Tammy. Let's take

another look at the peanut butter

incident to see if there's any foundation

to Tammy's accusations. Well, I see some

skull fragments, some hair, and Oh yeah,

some brain. Tammy's right, Johnny. Looks

like the group has come to some

kind of decision. Let's go back to the

ring we took took a vote and the result

was unanimous. We're kicking you out of

the fight. You don't deserve to be k*lled

by us. Get that punk out of here. You're

nothing but a bunch of whiny boots while

babies. Man. I felt bad, but it had to be

done. I mean, there were chunks of his

cerebral medulla in our nutty butter.

What's up with that? Well, this time Puck

went too far. I respected Tammy's right

to throw him out of the match, and

I'm still a virgin Johnny. In my humble

opinion, with Puck out of this frying

pan, we've lost some of the sweet sizzle

of this match. When Nick Spaders saliva

all over my face, I realized. You

probably hadn't brushed his teeth for

over a month. The man's a stinking hog,

wallowing in his own muck. Next time I

won't hesitate to kick his teeth in.

Johnny's a rare bird, the kind of guy who

doesn't judge you on surface stuff.

Doesn't matter to him if you dress W

well, it's who you are on the inside.

I really, really love that guy.

Why is this room so damn dark? It's

so great to have park out of the

house. Bloody brilliant. Defender. John

and I have just had a group meeting

and, well, there's no easy way to put

this. We've decided to k*ll you.

When John and Tammy k*lled me, I felt

bloody awful, but it was a unanimous vote

and I could see that the death match

would run much more smoothly without me.

I feel OK about it now. Wow, that really

brought us together. Yeah, but I just had

another meeting and I decided to. Ohh,

you. The vote was

unanimous. Ohh, well in that case it

sounds fair.

Look, it's Buck.

Ohh. Pete turns Tommy's head into a

street pizza. Thanks. That really brought

us closer together. Yeah, well, how's

this for closer together, huh?

Like the taste of my wheelies. I

sure as hell don't.

The farm boy pups coming around for a

final lap, but John's got the pool cue.

Ohh.

The pack is dead, man.

The winner is John, Yeah.

And there you have it, the real world

tournament of death has finally over and

has taught us all an important lesson.

Choose your roommates carefully, for they

may wind up k*lling you. And now back

to your real world. Good, good fight,

good night.