Sad Jokes (2024)

[bunniefuu]

A man goes to a pet shop

to buy fish.

The salesman shows him

the aquarium and says:

The octopus in the back is on sale.

Great, says the man. I'll take it.

What do you call a sad coffee?

No idea.

- Depresso.

- Ok.

The salesman puts it

into a bag with water.

On his way out, the man stumbles,

the bag falls down and bursts.

A crab sits on a rock in the sea

and cries bitterly.

A shark comes by and asks:

Why are you crying, little crab?

My parents went out tonight.

They'll be back for sure,

says the shark.

No, never again.

Why, where did they go?

To a c*ck party.

Panic-stricken, the man runs back

into the store and screams:

Help me, help me!

The octopus is dying!

Two friends meet.

I feel so shitty today, says one.

Then go to the petting zoo.

That always calms me down.

Easy, says the salesman.

I'm sure you know the spoon trick.

They meet again the next day.

The sad one

looks sadder than before.

What's the matter?

Still not feeling better?

No. Even worse than before.

What happened?

I went to the petting zoo all day.

But nobody wanted to pet me.

The man runs outside in a frenzy.

He tries to remove the tentacles

from the floor with the spoon.

No chance.

What is written on the tombstone

of a chimney sweeper?

He got swept away.

He runs back inside and shouts:

Help me, the octopus is dying!

I don't get it.

- Not funny?

- No, not funny.

Ok.

The salesman takes the spoon

and runs to the octopus...

hits it on the head with a bang...

and the octopus goes:

Ouch!

Like that?

Hey there...

my little darling.

What would you like for dinner?

- An apple.

- An apple?

Here you go.

Or would you like a cookie?

A cookie always works. Look.

And one for Mommy.

Yummy?

I feel like they don't feed you

enough at day-care.

Could that be?

Or they don't pay attention to

what you like.

I don't like that at all.

So, where was I?

- Hey.

- Hey you.

- Hello.

- Hi.

- It's so nice to see you.

- Yes.

Look at you.

- We went shopping, right, Pino?

- Yes?

Yes. We'll celebrate tonight.

I'll make us a real feast.

Are you good, little man?

Having fun playing?

So...

That's nice.

- So?

- So?

How did you get here?

- By bus.

- I see.

Could have told me you're picking

him up. I went to the day-care.

Oh no, really?

Sorry. I picked him up on the way...

...and completely forgot

to let you know.

All good.

How long are you staying?

What do you mean?

When do you have to go back?

Not at all.

They discharged me.

- For real?

- Yes.

Why?

How do you mean?

I'm just asking.

Why did they discharge you?

Did you talk it through?

They just released me.

We talked about it.

I told them I'm

feeling really good.

And that I'm very

- whoopsie - grateful...

and they helped me a lot...

but that I can

handle it on my own from.

- Want an apple?

- No, thanks.

You know?

I see.

Say... What did you

guys eat while I was gone?

There was no food in the house.

We ordered most of the time.

All good.

- Hi Alice. Come in.

- Hey.

I called Conny 20 minutes ago.

She should be here soon.

Perfect, thank you.

I'll take Pino upstairs.

- That would be great.

- Sure.

- Hey Sonya.

- Hey there, beauty.

- All good?

- Yes, and you too?

Totally, yes.

Are you staying for dinner?

- I don't think so.

- No?

Are you sure? We have plenty.

I went on a shopping spree.

I already had dinner, thanks.

Alright then.

What's the matter with you?

Seriously.

Relax.

Listen, Sonya. Can we talk?

Look, I told you. It's all settled.

Everything is fine.

Look.

We talked about this a lot, right?

I think it's important you see it

through this time.

I did.

That you see the two months through.

Yes, but...

You know, when I can tell I'm

fine...

and my gut tells me to stay here...

to keep it like that I will

listen to it.

I understand.

But listening to your gut

didn't work out for us so far.

If anything it didn't work out

for me, not us.

Yes, us.

This is about Pino and me, too.

Listen.

Let's not get into this now, ok?

I'll cook something nice for us.

We'll have a real nice evening.

Alice, you're more than

welcome to stay.

We'll open a bottle of wine...

f*ck, I forgot the wine!

- That doesn't matter.

- sh*t.

It's too early anyway...

It does matter.

I wanted to make a toast.

Do you have a bottle upstairs?

Where's the f*cking wine?

That's not possible!

Sonya, stop it!

- I'll go.

- Thanks.

You have to go back to the clinic

and you know it.

Yes, hello?

I'll let you in.

This is embarrassing.

Hey Conny.

- What are you trying to do here?

- Sonya...

No.

- Hey my sweet.

- Hey Mom.

- How are you feeling?

- Good.

- Yes?

- Yes.

Hey Conny.

Thanks for coming.

Hi Granny!

So what's the deal here?

Are you conspiring against me?

Nonsense.

We only want you to be alright.

Seemed to be a good start, no?

What do you mean?

I felt like the first weeks in the

clinic seemed to have an impact.

Or what do you think?

I just think I'm better off here.

Of course.

This is your home.

But not long ago it was difficult

here, too. Do you remember?

Don't talk to me like that.

Of course I remember.

I'm not stupid.

Nobody says that.

But if you want to quit your

stay at the clinic...

you need to talk with the doctors.

You cannot simply run off like that.

Exactly.

I always said this is a try-out...

and that I will quit if it

doesn't work for me.

Yes,

but in the beginning it did work.

And the doctor said such

a dip is normal...

and that you need

to power through it.

Power through?

- I'll have a look.

- Thanks.

- Are you being serious?

- Think about Pino.

I always think about Pino.

The little one wants

his Mommy to be happy.

Stop it, Mom.

Pino stays here.

- Sonya, stop it.

- Are you nuts?

Let me go!

You're scaring him.

I'm not scaring him.

I am his damn mother.

You're so embarrassing with

your shitty intervention...

or whatever this is supposed to be.

You look so pathetic.

You have no

idea how pathetic you look.

- Listen, honey.

- Shut the f*ck up.

Don't touch me.

Ok. Alright.

If you want to get rid of me so

badly...

Where are you going?

To the clinic.

Since I'm not welcome here.

That's not true, you know that.

All we want is...

I don't want to hear it.

I got it, you made it very clear.

- You want me to come with you?

- No way.

Leave me alone.

I'm not a baby anymore.

- Listen, Sonya...

- No.

Well.

Come here.

It's alright, Conny.

It's ok.

Here you go.

Stand over there, Sir.

Did you bring a bag?

Very good

Here's your bag.

Let's put it over here.

Alright.

A DVD?

What are you in the mood for?

Let's have a look.

We have some things in stock.

How about...

for example...

this film? Take a look.

This is a film for the whole family.

"The Wizard of Oz".

You know it?

It's a about a girl and her dog,

Toto.

Here is the dog, see?

They go on a trip to find

the wizard of Oz.

Would you like to buy it?

Yes?

Shall I put it in your bag?

- Maybe this one.

- This one? Let's see...

"Carrie."

Satan's youngest daughter.

Yes... You could...

How old are you, if I may ask?

- Maybe this one.

- How old are you?

- This one.

- This one?

Nice film as well. Show me.

By Rohmer.

"Comedies and Proverbs".

A bit intellectual but

why not start early.

I will pack this one up for you.

Are you over 18?

Not yet.

- There you go. One double for you.

- Great, thanks.

So, did you keep an eye on him?

He did.

Down.

Down.

Go on, down.

Well done.

Nice we could make it work.

Totally. I'm happy to be here.

Thanks for your time.

I thought your film was...

really great.

Thanks.

- I was very moved.

- Yes? Nice.

And the two ladies

are extraordinary.

They're pretty great.

I haven't seen Alexandra Konig

this good in a while.

And that Sophie is a real discovery.

Yes, she's amazing, right?

Say.

Is it true Alexandra left

her husband

and they are a couple since filming?

That's true, yes.

Crazy.

But good for them.

So you're working on the next one?

Correct.

Can I ask what's it about this time?

It'll be a comedy.

Really?

- Nice. I like comedies.

- Me too.

- When they're good.

- Sure thing.

What kind?

What kind in the sense of...

In the sense of what style.

What kind of humour.

Black, absurd, tragicomic?

Hard to describe at

this point, I think.

Ok.

Let's put it like that:

My background is more naturalistic.

And I'd like to move towards

an absurdist direction from there.

Slapstick?

Yes, maybe.

Intriguing.

- Not easy to do.

- Sure.

But I like the ambition.

You have to work very delicately

not to knock a film over.

It cannot just blow out like that.

- No, it needs to be...

- But a challenge is a good thing.

Yes, I agree.

It feels good.

When can I read something?

I plan to have a manuscript ready

within the next weeks.

Great.

Can't wait.

Yes, nice.

Glad to hear that.

Well...

Time for your snack.

Come here.

He's got something with his teeth.

Ah, I see.

Do you have pets?

No, I have a child.

Nice.

With your partner?

No, with my best friend.

- That's lovely.

- Yes.

- No partner.

- I see.

- Can be great as well.

- Absolutely.

Yes, you like that, don't you?

You like that.

Ouch.

Excuse me?

Excuse me, please.

Could you help me for a moment?

Sure.

I think I jammed my finger in here.

Oh boy.

And it won't come out?

No, I can't get it open.

- The flap is jammed.

- Let me try.

Careful, yes. Thanks.

Sorry.

All good.

What do we do now?

Do you have any money?

Why?

For the machine.

Maybe it'll open the flap.

Right, of course.

Makes total sense.

What should I take?

Doesn't really matter as long

as the money goes in.

Well, better to choose something I

like...

otherwise it's a waste of money.

I will pay you back, no problem.

Nonsense.

It's only a few coins.

Ok, could you start then?

It really hurts a lot.

I'll go with number 22.

Bifi always works.

No way.

It swallowed my money.

Sorry.

Ok. What now?

Could you call an ambulance?

I think that makes the most sense.

But...

could it make more sense to call

the fire department?

I have no idea.

The finger needs to come out first

and in that case...

The fire department then, yes.

Gladly the fire department.

My phone is dead.

My mobile is in my pocket.

You can just pull it out.

- Front or back?

- Back.

- I will pull it out.

- Just pull it out, yes.

Just pull.

The man got stuck.

Can you just pull it out?

What is your code?

You look younger.

Thank you, that's kind.

Hello, Cosima Karciewsky here.

I'm calling for a man who jammed

his finger in a snack machine.

No, babe.

This is so annoying.

I took tomorrow off and that stupid

cow...

called in sick again and

there's no replacement.

She's not sick, no way. She's

playing us and shits on the team.

I never talk behind my

colleagues' backs but honestly:

She's going bananas.

I will f*ck her up big time.

I'll never swap shifts

with her ever again.

A total no-go.

Such a traitor, man.

Yeah.

You're disgusting, I swear...

Listen, I have to go.

Yes, I'll be in touch.

sh*t hits the fan over here.

Ciao, babe.

- All good?

- Yes, excuse me real quick.

Sorry, I've been

waiting for quite a long time.

When will it be my turn?

No idea.

Today is really busy. Code red.

Sorry! Excuse me.

I don't know what

exactly will be done.

And I'm a bit nervous...

so maybe you can explain what...

I'm afraid I can't.

The doctor will talk to you, ok?

Ok.

Alright, let's move in here.

I have to go

straight to the 3 afterwards.

Yes.

There.

Here we are.

Now relax a bit.

Call me when you need something.

- You, too.

- Thanks.

Hello.

I broke both my arms.

Crazy.

Fell off a tree.

Really? sh*t.

I wanted to pick quinces.

Karma.

Why?

They're not my quince trees.

So it's theft, strictly speaking.

I guess so.

I love quinces.

I make jam out of it.

Cool, yes.

I sell it on the

market by the canal.

You know it?

The canal? I know it, yes.

Some extra cash never hurts.

Yes.

Sometimes I also make...

jelly.

- Are you ok?

- Yes, sorry.

Do you like jelly?

Jelly? Yes, it's alright.

Do you prefer jam or jelly?

I like them both the same.

Wait...

Really?

Maybe I can...

I can't do it.

Can you help me?

The head part needs to be...

There's a lever on the side.

- Ah, there.

- Careful, you'll fall.

Hello? Can somebody...

Wait. I'll do it.

You know how to do it?

Yes, I've been here a while.

That's great because it's too low...

- All good.

- It needs to be more...

- Does it work?

- Yes but I can only use one hand.

I prefer when it's higher.

Yes.

I'm Steffi, by the way.

Hey Steffi, I'm Joseph.

Hello Joseph.

Will you lay back down, please?

The lady wanted to

sit up and I tried to help.

We will help the lady, don't worry.

Thank you.

She would like to sit up straight.

The lady is freshly operated.

She will not sit up straight at all.

- Yes!

- I didn't know that.

Alright. Then...

Do you know Steffi of Monaco?

- Who?

- Do you know Stephanie of Monaco?

Yes, sure.

I'm named after her.

I see.

We will realign your bone in the

broken finger...

and fix it with wires.

They will stay for several weeks.

- That long?

- Yes.

And we'll also mend the torn tendon

which is a bit complicated...

but we'll manage.

Do you have any questions?

Yes.

Sorry, I'm a bit embarrassed.

I'm extremely nervous.

That's normal before an operation.

No, but I'm scared. I feel panicky.

You won't notice a thing,

don't worry.

I'm afraid I won't wake up again.

That's enough now. You will

wake up, we'll make sure of that.

- I'm trying to...

- We will lay back down.

You are freshly operated.

I feel like throwing up.

That's normal.

But don't worry, you are sober.

Yes. Bummer.

So see you in the operating room.

You'll be picked up in a bit.

Could you give me something

to calm down a bit?

It's already in there.

- But I don't think it works on me.

- Of course it works.

No, my heart is racing and my mouth

is dry...

- This needs to be higher.

- Enough now.

Lay back down. Julia!

Good lord. Lay down.

Otherwise I will give you

a tranquilizer.

Can you get one for me, too?

What is going on here today?

Has everybody gone crazy?

That's sweet, Conny.

Thanks.

- Enjoy.

- Thank you.

Also for babysitting.

That was great.

Sure. I'm glad to help.

You don't want any?

I already ate with Pino.

It's very good.

Have you got plans tonight?

- I'm going on a date.

- Really?

The one from last time?

- No. That didn't work out.

- No?

Why not?

He was such a bad kisser.

Oh. That's no good, then.

Exactly.

And the guy from today?

He seems nice. We didn't meet yet.

But he writes really sweet.

So no kissing yet?

No.

Only virtually.

Ok.

That's exciting.

- I'll keep you posted.

- I sure hope so.

Want some more?

A bit, yes. Tastes great.

Thank you.

And you?

Is there someone?

With me? No.

Nobody you're interested in?

Nope.

Since when are you broken up,

Marc and you?

Almost 3 years now, I think.

- 3 years?

- Yes.

- How time flies.

- Yes.

These things take time sometimes.

Yes.

This was yours?

Thanks.

- Is it ok if I...?

- Sure.

Thank you.

Jag gillar gristrynen.

Here.

Can you cut this for me?

- Can you?

- Yes, Daddy.

A bit of water.

I'm already done.

Very good. Well done.

Slowly. Careful.

Look. If you hold it like that...

it's easier.

- Does it work?

- Yes.

And...

That's awesome.

See, you're doing great.

sh*t.

Hello?

Hey.

It's me.

Hi.

- What did you do?

- Broke my finger.

- Oh no! Does it hurt?

- Not anmyore.

How did you get here?

There's no bus at this hour.

I took a taxi.

It's...

still downstairs.

I didn't have enough money.

- I'm going.

- Thanks.

How are you?

So-so.

Hey.

Come here.

I can't do it.

Of course you can.

- Sure.

- No.

I'm so scared it won't get better.

I know but it will get better.

You will see.

It was better before.

Yes and then it came back.

So that means it can go away again.

But what if there's no reason?

What do you mean?

What if...

it comes and goes but...

for no reason?

What if I can't control it?

That's why you're in the clinic.

So you learn to control it.

But I don't want to

stuff myself with medication.

There are people walking around

like...

like zombies.

Look, we're not there yet.

It's about learning to read the

signals...

and react to it.

- Yes.

- Yes.

And the doctor said we work towards

an on-demand medication...

and at some point

you can regulate it.

They...

They did this exercise with us.

Well, exercise...

We were to think

of something beautiful.

Of something good.

The most beautiful thing

that ever happened to us.

And then we were supposed to travel

back to it somehow.

And write it down.

Like some...

dream voyage.

And where did you travel to?

You want to read it?

Yes?

You read it.

It started shortly before midnight.

I had a feeling it might happen soon

in the days before.

I tried to adjust myself to it.

To prepare myself,

as best as I could.

But in the end

it caught me off guard.

The pain.

It was intense.

And very different from

what I had imagined.

Most of my friends say they

can't remember the pain.

That the body forgets.

But my body didn't forget.

It remembers all of it...

vividly.

Our neighbour Alice...

drove me the clinic and

waited with me for Joseph.

He was on set.

But they took a break...

and a driver took him.

Alice wrote him to bring some food

because...

I got so hungry suddenly.

But everything was closed.

So he went to a gas station and

bought...

rolls...

camembert...

and meat salad.

I ate it between the contractions.

But it came back out immediately.

And half an hour later he was there.

Joseph always says

his construction worker's food gave

me the final boost.

That's as far as I got.

Can I keep it?

If you like.

You'll make it.

Ok.

Ok.

Can you call me a taxi?

Should I?

Yes.

Can you also lend

me some more money?

Yes.

All empty.

As usual.

Thank you.

Alright, Conny. We'll get going.

I promised Pino to go to the museum.

Animal watching, exactly.

The premiere is tomorrow afternoon.

I'll bring him over and pack

everything you need.

No...

I'm so involved in the new film...

I'm glad the old one is coming out

so I can move on.

- Do you need help, Pino?

- I can do it on my own.

Hey.

It's me.

I...

I know you'll only hear this

once you get home.

I know you will

have been waiting for me.

You were probably angry...

because I wasn't there today.

For days I've been searching for the

right words...

but I can't seem to find them.

Forgive me.

That's all. Forgive me.

Forgive me. Forgive me.

It took me too long to understand.

How loud this must

have been for you.

And how much you love the quiet.

How much you need it.

Now I understand.

The houses are quiet.

The ocean is calm.

I will be, too. From now on.

I will try.

I promise.

That sex scene was

so intense and fragile.

Amazing.

And the scene at the airport.

That goodbye...

without them knowing it's a goodbye.

- It works, right?

- It moved me so much.

Years ago I had...

This might be a bit private but

we're between us...

I had a long-distance relationship

and it wasn't easy...

because of the constant balancing

of closeness and distance.

That's what it's about.

And the film pulled me

back into my own story.

I also wanted to say what I liked so

much...

is that it's so universal.

That's true.

I mean, I'm not a l*sbian woman.

- Me neither.

- Not yet.

But it really did move me.

- Thank you.

- Totally.

It was... Yes, it was...

universal.

Really. It has to be said.

Sorry, where did

you film the ending?

Are you ok?

Sure. Why?

- You're so quiet.

- All good.

I have to say it's so much

more moving knowing...

that fiction turned into reality.

I guess the film was a door

I needed to go through.

Intriguing.

It must have been

unusual to witness that?

Something is going on though.

Let it go, please.

Excuse me, you were so fantastic.

I was so moved.

- Really wonderful.

- That's nice, thank you.

This wouldn't be a good moment,

would it?

Right, as usual.

More in the editing

process, I'd say.

That's when it became clear.

And I had this feeling...

Is this really a good idea?

You tell me.

- Why are you so aggressive?

- I'm not aggressive.

Yes, you are passive-aggressive.

I just find it tiring, that's all.

Interesting to watch it again.

May I introduce

you to Sebastian Schipper?

Congratulations.

- Fantastic film.

- Really? That's nice.

I'm such a fan of your work

so this means a lot.

Haven't seen anything this

good in a while.

Excuse me?

Can I take a photo real quick?

We're supposed to take a photo.

Let's get together.

Come join us.

- It really floored me.

- Really?

That's so kind.

Could you move

a bit closer together?

A bit closer, then.

Thank you.

- Thanks.

- We'll let you celebrate.

We'll see each other next week.

Thanks for coming.

Bye.

That was a quick one.

Are you coming to Paris Bar later?

- We'll see.

- We'll see, right?

- Are you coming to Paris Bar?

- Maybe.

We still have something to discuss.

I'll call you.

What exactly was or is so tiring?

You not sticking to our agreement.

Which agreement?

Of course I stick to our agreement.

If you say so.

We said not to put it in focus but

also not deny it if someone asks.

- Explicitly asks, we said.

- Yes, right.

But that wasn't the case. You jumped

into it on the first occasion.

- When?

- At the Q&A.

- That's ridiculous.

- No, it's not.

You dived head first into our story.

Because it makes me

happy to talk about us.

It makes you happy to talk about

you. I'm not even part of it.

Yes, you are part of it.

No. I'm interchangeable when you

talk about it.

No, you are not interchangeable.

You talk about your freedom and

the courage it takes

to finally say you're with a woman.

Excuse me, but in my position

it is a question of courage.

I know. That's what you shout

into the world from every podium.

Why the hell not, for God's sake?

You have to go, sure.

Well, I for one find

it admirable how

open you talk about

your sexuality.

May I interrupt for a moment?

- Wonderful film.

- Thanks.

Amazing acting. My compliments.

Are you Italian?

Yes, from Torino.

Torino? I love Torino!

Do you know the city?

Yes, I made a film there in the 90s.

Never mind the film

but the city was a dream.

A fascinating city, yes.

Do you also work in film?

No, in insurance.

But I have a passion for

cinema and beautiful women.

You don't say.

You remind me of Sophia Loren.

Sophia Loren? No way.

Yes, really.

The eyes and the smile.

Stop it.

You're right.

Exactly like the Loren.

You also speak Italian?

Sure I speak Italian.

What a nice family we are here.

You can say that again.

Did you learn in school?

No, an Italian

ex-girlfriend once taught me.

I had no idea you spoke Italian.

Well.

- You never told me.

- You never asked me.

You never really know who

you share a bed with.

No worries.

I'll sleep in another bed tonight.

Pull yourself together.

I'll pull myself together if

you pull yourself together.

This is ludicrous.

Exactly.

Goodbye, good night and ciao.

She likes a cup

of tea in the morning.

No sugar.

Not too strong, not too weak.

Good night.

La dolce vita.

Cheers then!

Hello. Massimo.

Diane. My pleasure.

Thank you for coming.

Amazing.

Ok, how about this?

Show me.

Hey Dominik, this is Joseph.

Elin gave me your number and

said to get in touch.

Which is what I'm doing.

So: Hey, how are you?

- No?

- No.

Might as well write:

Best regards, Joseph.

I don't know how to do this.

I'm so out of it.

What should I write?

No idea.

Just make it a bit more...

loose.

- Yes, but how?

- More sexy.

I can't.

I don't know what he wants from me.

He's a nude model. Take a

wild guess what he wants from you.

Maybe he works in film

and wants to network.

I'm sure he does.

So what do I write?

I don't know. Something relaxed.

You're the screenwriter.

Simple but sweet. Like you.

Thanks.

Ok. Here we go.

Maybe like that.

Here.

Hey Dominik, thanks for your number.

Are you up for a drink?

Yes? No? Maybe?

Cute, right?

Are you serious?

Yes? No? Maybe?

Tick off!

Ok, listen. Let's stop.

There's no point.

It's embarrassing.

We'll let it go.

I'm not going on a date.

Joseph, it's been 3 years.

It's time. I'll do it for you.

- Don't.

- I will.

I'll handle it.

Nothing embarrassing, please.

Hey Dominik, sit on my face

and sing La Bamba.

Yours, Joseph.

Thanks a lot, Alice.

Just what I wanted to send.

- You're welcome.

- f*ck.

- What?

- sh*t.

You sent it...

Oh my God, I'm freaking out!

I pressed send by accident.

sh*t.

This is so embarrassing...

Sit on my face and sing La Bamba.

Ouch. I need to be careful.

- Sorry.

- All good.

You turn me on big time.

Thanks.

You also turn me on.

I can't open it.

- It's a bit unfair.

- What is?

You already saw me naked.

True.

We could change that.

I'm sure you have a gorgeous d*ck

for me to...

What's that?

A baby phone.

I can see that but whose baby is it?

Mine, I hope.

- You have a baby?

- Yes.

A toddler.

He's not a baby anymore.

I'll have a quick look.

I'll be right back.

Hey little man.

Did you wake up?

Go back to sleep, it's very late.

Come on, baby boy.

Want a little cuddle?

Yes.

All good.

All good.

Sleep tight.

Back asleep.

- Sorry.

- No problem.

You sure?

A bit...

surprising, maybe.

- That I have a kid?

- Yes.

You could have said.

It didn't really come up.

Just so you don't misunderstand:

I have a child with my best friend

and we raise him together.

We live together and share it.

- Really nice.

- Yes, it's nice.

I don't meet men in secret while

my wife is travelling for work.

- Would also be fine.

- Sure, yes.

What I mean is, I am g*y.

I already figured that one out.

Where were we?

I think...

here.

I think you wanted to

show me something.

Really?

I can't imagine.

What was it?

This.

I doubt it. I'm way

too shy for that.

Doesn't feel so shy to me.

I'll hurry.

Mommy!

Hey little cookie,

what's going on tonight?

Can't you sleep at all?

So what do we do now?

Want me to get your bunny?

Ok. Wait a second.

There you go.

Now you have the

bunny and the elephant.

So you're not alone and

don't need to cry, ok?

Daddy has some work to do.

Ok now.

Goodnight, Pino Panino.

Time to sleep now.

Sorry.

Here we go.

Wait.

We don't need to force this.

I'm not forcing it.

But I want you.

I want you, too. But maybe

another time would be better.

I don't get it.

Everything's fine.

Let's get dinner this week and...

No, no, no. Let's not get dinner.

Let's get it on now.

When did you turn

into such a machine?

I'm just horny.

I'm also horny but I don't want it

to be stressful.

What do you mean, stressful?

Hey, listen...

Let's leave this for now.

We'll go for dinner next week, you

tell me about your son and...

I don't want to

tell you about my son.

Ok. And why not?

Because it's none of your business.

What's the matter with you?

First you send me a message...

Sit on my face and sing La Bamba....

and now you can't even go on a date?

No.

I think I better go.

You can stay.

Are you listening to yourself?

- Sorry.

- This is really uncool.

I'm really sorry. You're right.

Sorry.

Yes.

It happens.

I'm just...

I'm just tired, ok?

Seems like you are.

I really am sorry. It's all...

I'm just very tired.

Well.

So I read your screenplay.

- Ok, great.

- Yes.

To be honest, I don't understand

what this is supposed to be.

I thought it was going to

be a comedy.

- Absolutely.

- I didn't find it funny.

- No?

- Not at all.

I found it incredibly sad.

- Sad?

- Very, yes.

The character of the stepfather,

for example.

He's terribly tragic.

From the beginning he doesn't have

a chance in this family.

They're all

completely dysfunctional.

Well, that depends on the cinematic

approach to the material...

You can completely understand why

he takes his own life.

Sure, but it's deliberately

hightened. It has a kind of...

No, it's not hightened.

The whole story is black.

Everything is gloomy,

everything is black.

There's no way out.

Death is the only

option for every character.

And they would probably keep

fighting in the afterlife.

But the way he kills himself is

clearly a caricature, no?

Of what?

Well, of...

of someone who...

- He puts his head in the oven.

- Yes.

And the gas makes him unconscious

and the kid finds his lifeless body?

- That's right.

- And you find that funny?

Well, no. Not...

exactly funny but in the context of

the milieu and the story...

My uncle committed suicide.

I'm sorry to hear that.

When I was 12.

That was awful.

For everyone involved.

It marked me strongly.

I can imagine.

That's terrible.

After reading your script

I doubt you can.

It's clearly missing the E-word.

The E-word...

You know the E-word, right?

Right now I'm not sure what the

E-word is...

Empathy.

The idea with the statues is pretty.

This phobia of statues.

- What's it called? Auto...

- Automatonophobia.

That's unique.

But does it really exist?

Yes, it's a condition.

It does exist.

One could work with that.

But the two timelines

don't go together at all.

I see.

And if the robbery of the antic

statues is meant to be a parable...

for the main character's stolen

childhood you don't get it at all.

You did get it.

What?

The parable.

Yes, I got it.

But the people out there won't.

You can count on that.

The supporting

role was interesting.

The female character.

She's the most interesting role.

But she's not

really part of the story.

That's probably something you need

to show rather than explain...

But we can't see inside your head,

Joseph. You know?

It needs to be in the script.

Otherwise you don't follow.

It's a common thing.

A good comedy

is the supreme discipline.

And when it's supposed to be funny

and sad at the same time...

a lot of people are

in over their heads.

If you really want to keep at it I

can introduce you to some writers.

- Yes, that sounds...

- Sometimes it adds some fresh air.

Totally. That sounds great.

I'll think about it and then...

By the way, can you get me in touch

with Alexandra Konig?

- Yes, sure.

- Great.

She would be great for a project

but her agent is so slow...

I'd like to push it a bit myself.

No problem. I'm glad to help.

It's a q*eer part.

Would be perfect timing for her.

Right.

Joseph?

That's crazy...

Are you back in...

How are you?

I'm alright.

You?

Me too.

All good.

Not a big deal.

Sorry, I didn't mean to...

No, it's really...

It's just...

Do you...

Do you have time for a coffee?

I heard...

you became a father.

Yes.

I'm happy for you.

I really am.

I'm sure he's a handsome guy.

- Of course.

- Can I see a picture?

Sure.

Here.

Oh man...

Incredibly sweet.

Yes, he's cute.

What's his name?

Pino.

Pino.

- Cute.

- Yes.

Thanks.

- Crazy.

- What?

- You're a Dad now.

- Yes.

Yes.

And you?

I'm not.

- You're not.

- No.

But...

it's going well?

Yes.

It does.

We just moved.

I hope it'll get a bit calmer now.

What?

Nothing.

Tell me.

- No.

- What is it?

Tell me.

You're so quiet.

- Quiet?

- Yes.

It's...

unusual.

We haven't seen each other in ages.

True.

You seem different than back then.

How?

Shy, somehow.

- Shy?

- Yes.

Well, I am.

You're shy, right...

Yes.

Anyway.

You used to...

talk more back then.

I used to talk a lot, I think.

I liked listening to you.

You did?

Yes.

I wish you had listened

to me once in a while.

I tried.

I know.

Ok, I...

I have to...

- I have to get going.

- Sure.

Marc?

Yes?

Do you sometimes think...

Just say it.

Do you sometimes feel like...

like it might...

make sense to try again?

Not anymore.

And you?

Not for long now.

I'll get going.

Yes.

May I?

Sure.

Take care.

Say hi to Sonya.

I will.

And Pino.

The coffee.

Bye.

Yes...

Yes, they told me you were fools.

And not to listen to your kind

words...

No.

And not to listen to your fine

words...

nor trust your charity.

You promised me my life.

But you lied.

You think life is nothing but...

...not being stone dead.

It is not the bread

and water I fear.

I can live on bread.

When have I asked for more?

It is no hardship to drink water

if it is clean.

Bread has no sorrow for me,

and water no affliction.

But to shut me from the

light of the sky...

and the sight of

the fields and flowers.

To chain my feet so I cannot ride

with the soldiers...

or climb the hills.

To make me breathe foul damp

darkness...

and keep from me everything that

brings me back...

to the love of God.

All this is worse than the furnace

in the bible...

which was heated seven times.

I could drag about in a skirt.

I could let the banners and

trumpets...

and knights and soldiers pass me...

and leave me behind

like the other women.

If only I could still hear the wind

in the trees...

the larks in the sunshine...

the young lambs crying in the

healthy frost...

and the blessed, blessed church

bells...

that send my angel voices

floating to me on the wind.

But without these things

I cannot live.

And if you take them away from me...

or from any human creature...

then I know:

Your counsel is of the devil.

And mine...

of God.

Good.

Sorry. I'm a bit jumpy.

That's alright.

This looks very good.

We can remove the stitches today.

You'll get a band-aid

and you're good to go.

This might sting a bit.

It's not bad at all.

I can't feel a thing.

There. Nice.

And now...

try to move it carefully.

The flexibility will

come back slowly.

I'll put you down

for some physiotherapy.

It won't go back to

how it was before.

You'll manage.

Come here.

The arms...

Where are those arms?

There.

And the head.

Well done.

Stand up for me.

Come here.

Want me to tuck it in or leave it

out? What do you prefer?

- Leave it out.

- Leave it out?

Is it more airy?

Ready?

Shall we go?

So?

So?

Situation?

Yes.

Quite a ride.

I can imagine.

But it's good.

What is?

Being here.

Yes?

It changes.

Hard to explain but it becomes

less...

scary.

That's a good thing.

Yes.

One less fear.

Yes.

Ciao.

Ciao loser.

And there's a canteen.

And such a nice one.

- I love canteens.

- I know.

Trays.

I love trays.

- Food on trays.

- Yes. And buffets.

- Goosebumps.

- Totally.

How is it going with your new film?

So-so.

Why?

The producer doesn't like

the script.

Really?

Why not?

He doesn't think it's funny.

It probably isn't.

Pretty bad for a comedy.

Rather bad, yes.

But you collected so many jokes.

Tons, yes.

Let's hear it.

What do you call a sad coffee?

No clue.

Depresso.

I think it's funny.

So do I.

That's the main thing.

I'll go outside and play.

Want to play ball with Mommy?

Come.

Are you taking the dog?

Let's take him along.

We still need a name for him.

See... Let's go out?

We've got the dog...

TO MY FAMILY