Diary of a Woman (2025)

[bunniefuu]

[Wind blowing]

[Tying on typewriter]

[Carriage clanks]

[Electronic dance music]



[Music fades]

[Alex] I have the rare privilege

of having begun life twice.

But do any of us really know

where the journey of

life will take us?

I know nothing in this

snow-covered mountain valley

prepared me for the events

that would follow.

A teacher's life

is all about order,

and I needed a ritual

to protect me

from the chaos in my mind.

Everything would fall

apart if I stopped.

I loved my pupils.

So much innocence and promise.

And liquid water

heats up by the sun,

evaporates, condenses

to form clouds

and falls back to

earth as rain or snow.

Our plants and forests suck up

the liquid in order to grow.

Okay?

I filled their minds with facts,

with the basics

of maths and grammar,

the capitals of Europe...

not knowing what paths

their lives would take.

[Indistinct chatter]

[Door opens]

[Kid 1] I'm gonna get my coat.

-Come on.

-Let's go.

[Indistinct chatter]

[Kids chattering]

[Keys jingle]

[Alex] Maybe keeping a diary

will bring freedom and peace...

help me to sort things out.

I can't stand the noise,

the clutter in my mind.

Even in the quiet

of this village,

it finds me hiding like

a turtle in his shell.

Why do I live alone

when I could share

my life with Laura?

I'm stuck like a

hamster in his wheel,

endlessly spinning

but going nowhere.

And then that dark hour

arrives that I dread.

Night follows the day.

It always does.

And the creatures of the

night know where to find me.

They always do.

[Bell tolling]

[Laura] Alex.

Hi.

Are you okay? You've

been acting so weird.

I'm fine.

Alex, what's up?

I don't know.

How about you and me

having dinner tonight?

[Breathes deeply]

[Ringtone]

Wait a sec.

Oh.

Hello.

[Atty. Marwick]

Hello, Mr. Darkley.

Is this a good time?

-Yeah...Okay.

Ugh, for God's sake.

[Door closes]

I'm sure Alex was actually

really happy back then.

[Sighs] He enjoyed

living in the countryside,

having all that nature

and open space around him,

not like in the city

where he grew up.

He'd love to go

running along the lake

and through the woods

as often as possible.

[Snorts]

My God,

also late at night or

early in the morning

when no one else was around.

No. But, um, later...

yeah, that's when he began

to change, last winter.

He seemed introverted,

didn't talk much,

just wanted to be left alone.

And he started having

difficulties communicating

with people outside

his daily routine--

people he thought

he couldn't trust,

like the parents of his pupils.

And that's a real problem

when you're a schoolteacher

in a small village.

[Train rumbling]

[Car horns honking]

[Alex] Sometimes a phone call

can change your life

without you realizing it.

And when it's a

lawyer calling...

[Doorbell rings]

you know you're

heading for trouble.

Well, Mr. Darkley, can I be

perfectly honest with you?

Yeah.

Maybe you know that the

condition of your mother

has been deteriorating

over the past few months.

She will most likely

never be able

to leave the hospital again.

Okay.

And as her lawyer, it

is my duty to tell you

that all her savings are gone

and that the bank

closed the bank accounts.

[Alex sighs]

As her sole descendant,

you are obliged to take care

of her financial affairs.

Which means, uh, I also have

to vacate her apartment?

That's exactly

what I tried to say.

And when do you think, uh...

As soon as possible.

We have no choice.

So that's the situation.

[Alex sighs]

[Keys jingling]

[Chandelier clinking]

[Clock ticking]



[Alex] Remarkable.

[Chuckles]

It's all here.

Frozen in amber,

a crypt for a bewildered child

waiting for my return.

Once we laughed

in here, we cried,

you and I.

We celebrated Christmas and

every one of my birthdays,

sang songs, and danced for joy.

You were never gonna come home.

I was the one who

needed to come home.



[Alex] I feel like

I'm underwater...

swimming upstream like a

salmon against the current...

floating towards the sun,

fighting so hard to reach

the place I was born.



[Clock ticking]

[Sighs]

[Alex] Strange.

It's all black and

white in my memory now,

no color at all...

save one...

the red color of your dress.

[Water dripping]



[Alex] Where did you go

when I was looking for you

in the middle of the night?

So many nights,

leaving your child behind.

The soundtrack of the

ticking clock haunting me,

counting the remaining

hours of the night.

Mama.



[Horn sounds]

[Alex] I could have arranged

to have this apartment

cleaned out before

I even got here.

All it takes is

one phone call...

but now I'm stalking

my childhood days

like a tormented boy

instead of getting rid of all

the clutter in cardboard boxes.

Did you know I would

return here eventually?

I can start with

uncovering the past.



[Indistinct chatter]

[Chair thuds softly]

[Alex] Look at you...

spooning your meal.

You have no clue who I am.

Your empty gaze strewn

with question marks

and mental debris.

I'm so sorry for you, Mom.

So many nights in bed

alone without anyone to hold.

I will hold you, if you let me.

[Door opens]

[Door closes]

No. We--

we never really

talked about his mother

or his childhood.

He didn't want to.

I did sense there

must have been issues

in his early childhood,

things he couldn't articulate

or--or maybe even remember.

Well, no, as--

as far as I know...

there wasn't one specific event

that triggered

his sudden anxiety...

but deep scars hidden

in the subconscious

eventually find their way out.

And that's exactly

why it makes me sad...

still...

that Alex wasn't able

to--to analyze them

or get them out of his system.

[Clock ticking]



[Whispers] I love you, Alex.



[Singer] Yeah



[Electronic dance music

playing, indistinct vocals]



[Music stops]

[Alex] I thought

I knew who I was...

but now I'm floating

between two worlds.

The human brain is

like a pool of mud.

Everything that falls

into it leaves an imprint.

Bad events leave deeper

traces than good events,

they carry more weight.

And as you grow older,

that mud hardens,

traces fossilize,

and it takes an earthquake

to shake them loose.

[Clock ticking]

[Camera shutter clicks]

[Camera motor whirs]

[Alex] Laura thought my

headaches, stomach pains,

and sleepless nights

were from a bad diet.

So I added a daily

photographic reference

to my diary.

You'd be horrified,

the amount of crap

your system has to cope with--

pounds of sugar, salt,

fats, chemicals, and toxins.

No wonder I'm never hungry...

and everything in my mouth

tastes like clotted wax.

I need to build up my strength

to face my biggest

challenge yet...

to go where I have

dared not enter--

your private sanctuary,

the lair of your dreams.

[Switch clicks]



[Alex] They say you

can't come home again.

But suppose you never left.

After all these years, your

perfume still lingers on

between these walls

like a faded veil...

touching something

deep inside of me

I can't escape.

So much of your life

in front of mirrors.

So much vanity

behind closed doors.

Always making yourself pretty.

[Alex] You wanted to be

an actress on the big stage.

And I was too young to realize

I wasn't your only audience.

Even as a child, I knew

you were gravitating

towards another world,

a world full of neon lights

and obsessions,

secret whispers and

moans of pleasure.

Then you left me alone...

until my dreams

overwhelmed my fears

and the breaking dawn

chased them away.



What images come to mind?

Hmm.

Is there anything else?

[Sighs]

[Alex] How could I

answer that question?

There was absolutely

nothing to talk about.

Well, I knew that he was

seeing a psychiatrist

and--and was on medication,

sleeping pills, antidepressants,

and so on.

But...

I--I just couldn't

reach him anymore.

Well, he didn't talk to me.

I thought he had a

problem with me, but--

what do you do if someone

just doesn't talk

to you anymore?

You know.

In my opinion, no

medication can penetrate

to the roots of such

severe mental illness.

It just numbed his

symptoms and locked him

into an even tighter

mental cage.

[Keys jingling]

[Door creaks]

[Floorboards creaking]

[Distant siren]

[Alex] My family album

full of people I never met.

Ghosts from another century.

Did you know that

this was my magic castle

and secret hideaway?

And what about my

little alter ego?

My only true friend

and confidant.

Who was I trying to imitate?

You?

Or was this intended

for the future me?

Scrubbed of all shame and guilt.



[Projector whirring]



[Laughter]

[Switch clicks]

[Alex] When you look at the

physical remains of your life...

they seem trivial and useless.

Combs and brushes,

the putrid smell of

perfume and alcohol,

woven into a filthy toothbrush.

Eyeliner, bottles,

and scented powder.

All that's left of you.

There's one last journey

your costume has to endure

before it vanishes

in the dustbin forever.

[Bag rustles]

[Switch clicks]

[Electricity buzzing]



[Singer]

Now I come

Before you

Moving through this tomb

Of vapor and perfume

And fog-filled rooms

Silent compass

Anger at dawn

Locked down in the harness

Drawn away from the low

The voice is barking

Of nausea and fear

An unholy jargon

In the judgment seat

This knowledge that despite

The angel you assume

Commander alibi

I'll surrender to the fume

It's all flesh

And fleshed out

and forgotten now

I'll go away back to you

[Moaning]

[Singer] I'll go away

back through your love

[Moaning continues]

I'll go away back to you

I'll go away back

through your love

[Panting]

[Singer]

Better sing

A money tune

Light a cigarette

Raise the roof

above this ruin

As the song repents

Order of the underground

As the sewer runs clear

Stretch your skin

in front of me

Unto every other year

But now I come for you

I come for your womb

For your vapors

and your perfume

For your fog-filled rooms

For your borrowed compass

For the body you adorn...

You know, first

of all, my life--

my life is so different,

I mean in contrast to Alex.

For me, everything was

always easy and effortless.

I loved going to university.

I--I have a caring

and loving family.

I enjoy being a teacher.

And basically--basically,

I'm--I'm--I'm happy.

And I guess that's exactly

why I just didn't recognize

the first signs and wasn't aware

of the seriousness

of the situation.

And...

I wasn't prepared

for what was coming.

Yeah.

It was very painful

to see him slide away

and...get pulled

into that dark abyss

of nightmares

and hallucinations...

from which he couldn't escape.

[Switch clicks]

[Switch clicks, door creaks]

[Switch clicks]

[Grunts]

[Alex] I can't shed my mind,

but I can shed my skin,

like the butcher

skins the rabbit.

All I need is a clean cut...

a clean break...

[Shaver buzzing]

[Alex] everything

reshaped by the blade.

Years of shame and guilt...

self-neglect, uncertainty

shaved off just like that.



[Alex] It takes

a surprisingly short time

to disengage from the past.

Maybe my true self lies

beyond all boundaries

of sex and gender.

Maybe it always has,

and I never really knew.



[Clock ticking]

[Wind chimes clinking]

Good morning.

Want to trade this in.

Trade in for what?

The g*n.

[Man] Nine-millimeter Firestar.

[Alex] Whatever.

Got ammunition?

No.

Uh-huh.

[Door opens]

[Wind chimes jingling]

[Sighs]

[Alex] I finally have to

stop eating all that crap

and become healthy again.

[Panting]

A healthy mind and

a powerful body.

I have to keep my focus straight

and switch all my

senses to full alert.

[p*stol is armed]

[Fires p*stol]

[Lucy laughs]

[Alex] I could have

been a father,

a daddy with a little girl.

I kind of like that.

Here.

[Laura] Lucy.

[Lucy] Thank you.

Lucy. Come on.

[Scoffs]

[Alex] Then again, maybe not.

How many truths are

hiding in the dark?

Why do I feel a great relief

in slipping into my other self?

This is also part

of God's creation.

Or maybe God is nothing

but a magician...

dividing night from

day, pain from joy,

innocence from evil.

And what if all that

no longer mattered...

and I'm God's lonely soul?

The naked rabbit in the hat.

Now you see me.

Now you don't.



[Doorbell rings]

[Rings]

[Alex] And every now and then,

unexpected visitors

creep into my new life...

Oh.

[Alex] ...trying

to divert my path.

Alex.

[Alex] How could she

ever understand?

But...

[Alex] Poor Laura.

I pick up your trail, Mama.

And my journey into the

night has just begun.

[Clock ticking]

[Indistinct chatter]

[Electronic dance music playing]

[Singer] It's like I'm

falling for you knee-deep

Been losing my mind

But you don't

wanna see me...

[Laughter]

Hey, you want a drink?

Hey, hey, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bartender] Okay.

[Man] There's one for you.

[Indistinct chatter]

[Man 1] Hi, darling.

[Indistinct chatter]

[Man 2] I love your hair.

-Hey.

-Hey.

Ou la la. Ou la la.

Mwah. Mwah.

[Man 3] Oh, a bit feisty.

-What the--Gerda!

[Empty p*stol clicks]

Oh, no, no. Oh, no.

[Man moans]

-Get out. Get him out.

Move him. Move him!

[Man 1] Jesus. He's insane.

Can't you see that?

Get the f*ck out.

And stay out.

[Door closes]

[Woman moaning]

Oh, yeah.

Oh, oh, sh*t.

[Woman] Oh, yeah.

Oh, ohh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. f*ck me.

Oh, yeah.

[Moaning]

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, f*ck me.

Oh, yeah.

[Indistinct chatter]

[Electronic dance music playing]

[Women cheering]

[Women laugh softly]

[Laughter continues]



[Singer] I had it all wrong

Had it all wrong

Didn't know there

could be more to love

Oh, I was so wrong

I was so wrong

Didn't know

there could be more

Till your love

came to my rescue

You gently took my hand

I have my plan, but

when I kissed you

I knew you had my heart

Baby, your love

[Echoing]

Your love

Baby, your love

[Echoing]

Your love



[Door closes]

[Locks stall door]

[Belt clanks]

[Moaning]

[Groaning]

[Panting]

[Belt clanks]



[Door closes]



[Alex] Life begins

and ends in bed.

And we are born and die alone.



[Sighs]



[Alex] Oh, Mama.

What were we ever

but a solitary pair of moths

destined for a secret flame...

the last votive flickering

in an empty church?

You carried me in your womb

as I carry you in my heart.

I forgive you, Mama...

and I hope you can forgive me.



[Air brakes hiss]

Hey. You all right, love?

[Gasps]

Oh.

[Object clanks]

[Crossing signal

clicking rapidly]

[Clicking slowly]



[Clock ticking]

[Groans]

[Laura] I still remember

this unnerving dream.

I was lying on the

shores of a big lake.

Alex was there with me,

the sun was shining,

and it was beautiful and warm.

Suddenly, he

climbed on a rock...

waved at me, and smiled

and jumped into the water.

As soon as he disappeared

underwater, this--

that water froze to solid ice.

I ran into the ice

in panic, barefoot,

and saw him down

there in the dark,

desperately trying to break

the ice and--and get back up.

And I'm pressing

my hands on the ice.

I'm trying to melt

it with my hands.

Those big, dark eyes

staring at me from below.

The desperation

still haunts me...

to this day.

[Cart clacking]

[Indistinct chatter]

[Man] Dear customers, our shop

will be closing in 15 minutes.

Please proceed to

the checkout counter.

Alex, for God's sake.

Alex, why are you not

answering my calls?

I--I was worried about you.

Please. I wanna--

I'll be back tonight.

[Footsteps ascending stairs]

[Sighs]

Isn't it ironic?

The more we try to

work against fate,

the more destiny repeats itself

from generation to generation.

But love conquers all, right?

At least that's what they say.

[Door rattles shut]



[Alex sighs]

Why?

Why me?

Why?

[Sobbing softly]

Why?

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

[Cries]

Why me?

Please, why me?

Oh, God.

Help.

Help me.

Please.

Please help me.

Help me.

[Crying]

Oh, God.



[Ding]

[Ding]

[Alex] I knew God

could not help me.

Not now.

I was too far upstream...

reaching for that deep,

dark pool of my beginnings,

as far back as into your womb.

[Breathing slowly]



[Buzzing]

[Hissing]

[Muffled shout]

Alex, let me--

let me in.

Alex, open up. Alex!

Alex, open--open up.

Alex, open up.

Alex!

Alex, open up!

Alex! Please open the door!



[Hissing]

[No audio]

Alex!



[Sighs]



[Knife whooshes]

[Gasping]

[Paramedic 1] Watch the step.

[Paramedic 2] I got it.

[Indistinct chatter]

[Paramedic 2] All right.

[Machine whirring]

[ECG monitor beeping]

[Alex breathing heavily]

[Paramedic 1] In.

[Breathing heavily]

Thanks. I'm okay.

You just saved my life.

[Beeping]

[Paramedic]

You're gonna be okay.

[Siren]



[Laura] Oh, yeah.

[Alex] I had the rare privilege

of having begun life twice.



[Laura speaking indistinctly]

[Laura laughs]

[Alex] And I

finally found peace.

Yeah.

[Indistinct conversation]

[Alex] It doesn't really matter

who you are or choose to be...

as long as you are

true to yourself.

I turned my world upside down,

only to find a more complete

self at the other end.

God gave us the ability to

love, forgive, and change.

That's what makes us human.

Nothing else matters,

not in the end.









[Singer] Been falling

for you knee-deep

I'm losing my mind

But you don't wanna see me

You're playing pretend

[Vocalizing]

'Cause I've been falling

for you knee-deep

Been losing my mind

But you don't wanna see me

You're playing pretend

'Cause I've been falling

for you knee-deep

Been losing my mind

But you don't wanna see me

You're playing pretend



[Singer] 'Cause I've been

falling for you knee-deep

Been losing my mind

But you don't wanna see me

You're playing pretend

[Vocalizing]

'Cause I've been falling

for you knee-deep

Been losing my mind

But you don't wanna see me

You're playing pretend

'Cause I've been falling

for you knee-deep

Been losing my mind

But you don't wanna see me

You're playing pretend