01x07 - Toast

[bunniefuu]

[Phone alarm]

[Clock alarm]

Deckard?

Hmm.

Cass: Deckard!

Rent's due. Will you deliver it for me?

Cass: I gotta finish up coding this program today.

Catch.

Sorry.

Do you like doing this computer stuff?

I'm good at it.

Yeah, but do you like it?

I like money.

Go pay rent. And drop this off in the mail, too.

Did you fill out my cooking school acceptance form?

I told you I didn't know if I was gonna go or not.

[Thumping noise]

Oh, hey... you...

Toast! My name's Toast!

Uh... sorry?

Don't play stupid, Castaspella!

Deckard: She knows your full name?

I can't believe our parents named us after wizards.

Deckard: Wizards are cool!

Your sister with her mom hair was the lowest ranked wrestler in our women's wrestling cult.

What? You said you were like, ranked. Twelve.

Yes. Out of twelve.

And I was ranked eleven! Safely not worst.

Oh, yeah! Toast.

[Laughing]

When you left, you forced me to take your place as the most pathetic wrestler!

The only thing I've ever wanted was to be the strongest!

And now that I'm ranked last-! [Crying]

Toast...

I have been bar-hopping.

Learning wild man fighting techniques from drunks so lost in the fog of their own mistakes

that they can commune with devils who live on the periphery of suffering!

Cass: Ugh, I don't have time for this. I have to finish scripting this program before Monday,

or I won't be able to buy groceries.

Toast: -the only student to have studied under the saddest winos...

Get outta here, man!

[Fighting]

Cass: No biting! No biting! No biting!

Toast: I'm gonna bite you and talk about my ex-wife!

Cass: No biting! No biting!

YES biting!

[Growling, chomp]

Cass: I have... to finish this freelance!

[Crash]

Toast: Hiiii-yah!

[Crash again]

[Fighting, dog barking]

This is great! I haven't paid rent on time in forever.

Cardamon is gonna be so excited.

Oh! Can you get down the stairs?

Come on, you can do it! Come on!

You gonna keep trying?

Very impressive.

Hey, Deckard!

[Dog barking]

Oh, you're paying rent too?

Uh-huh.

Whose dog is that?

I don't know.

Doggy!

[Munch!]

[Growling]

So cute!

[Barking]

No hitting!

Puppycat: [Dismayed noise]

[Growling, gagging]

Deckard: A-a dog is choking on your hair.

[Bird screeches]

They look like they might start pooping.

Bee: I'm not scared of poop.

Oh, they're done!

All those years of docile nature, all those wasted years... and now my true bloodlust has awakened.

[Squawking]

You!

How dare you enter the sanctuary of my mind!

You just want to bite and mess everything up too?

[Squawk of agreement]

Perfect. Together, we can ruin everyone's good time.

[Dog gagging on bird]

Bee: They look so happy.

Deckard: Maybe they're salmon. Salmon-- soulmates.

[Sigh]

And now a special look at Bee and Puppycat: Lazy in Space, coming in 2019.