01x02 - Who Would Want This?

[bunniefuu]

[soft whimsical music playing]

[machines beeping]

-[upbeat music playing]
-[farts]

[screaming]

[belches]

Oh man, that salad looks good.
What did you get?

[TV host] We'll be back to Pretty Patrick
Lunchtime Marathon after the break.

Oh! A Pretty Patrick marathon?

This is a great show.

[in gibberish] I have a deep admiration
for his charm and influence.

I also want to eat something
while we watch this.

[in English] Oh yeah!
Let me grab us somethin'.

[water burbling]

I wonder if this will ever stop leaking.

[burbling continues]

Oh, great! Healthy.

Hey, I got us yogurts.

It's got that one bacteria that's good
for your guts and makes your--

[glass shattering]

[objects clattering]

[slurps]

[gargling]

[slurping]

[blows]

[container clattering]

[beeping]

[electricity pulsating]

[chiming]

[beeping]

[TV host] We'll be back to Pretty Patrick
Lunchtime Marathon after the break.

[Bee screams]

[birds chirping]

[wind whistling]

[dog barking]

[in English] What are you trying
to tell me, puppies?

[whimsical music playing]

-[barking]
-Wow, she's royalty.

The apartment complex doesn't allow pets.

[panting]

Well, maybe you can at least come
to work with me to do my work today.

Sorry, puppies. You can't come.

[slurping]

Uh…

So it's cold soup?

This is just vegetable juice
in a bowl, then?

[laughs] No, it's "pegagos."
"Gebat…" "gizpagayo…"

It's g-- Urgh! Gazpacho.

'Cause the power's out,
and I can't heat anything.

-[rattling]
-Oh, do you hear that?

-I don't hear any--
-Shh! There it is again.

I think we have rats in the walls.
I keep hearing these scratchy sounds.

-But--
-You keep talk--

-[knocking on door]
-There. Did you hear that?

-Oh, that? That's the door.
-No, it's-- [grumbles]

Hello, I'm your landlord.
I've come for the rent.

Oh, yeah, sure. Um…

Let me get that for you… little kid.

Wha… You're the landlord?
What happened to the old one?

Oh, hey! Since you're here,
I've been hearing something in the walls.

Cas, don't boss the little child around.

All right. I'll check.

-[wall cracks]
-[barking]

I don't like the little child next to
the faceless body shape in the wall.

Wait a minute.

Why does this look so familiar?

[knuckles cracking]

-[bursting]
-I want to run away! Unhand me!

You thought that
by removing our physical form

from our all-female wresting cult,

you could escape your destiny
as the lowliest-ranked fighter?

[thudding]

[Cas] No! Never!

I'm a programmer now.

I don't do weird stuff
like wrestling anymore.

I sleep in a bed! I eat soup for lunch!

Soup?

-Hey!
-Ha!

No! My gazpacho!

You owe me back rent too, you know?

Why is it cold?

[grumbling] Because it's gazpacho.

Join me, and return
to where you belong, by my side.

You in last place,
and me in next to last place.

You placed last?
I thought you were good at wrestling.

I am good! I'm amazing.

[crowd cheering]

[bell dinging]

Nice try. Good fight.

It wasn't a good fight.

If I wasn't scared
of touching gross bodies,

I'd overpower you in,
like, less than ten seconds.

Oh. No offense,
but your body's kind of gross too.

Yeah, I know. Since we agree on a topic,
we could be friends if you want.

No, thanks.

[thuds, rumbles]

[Cas] That was the first time I met her.

Toast.

I heard you can tell how strong someone is
by the number of enemies they have,

and you've somehow managed
to make everyone here hate you.

What?

That's very impressive.
You must secretly be very strong.

If you ever wanna train together,
let me know.

[Cas] I watched Toast pick fights
and I realized she fought exactly like

that weird feral cat we found
in a tire a long time ago.

When she missed a blow, it could
easily be guided back onto herself.

I realized I could learn how to fight

without having to lay a finger
on anyone with her.

Until one night she knocked herself out,
and I was pinned under her heavy body

in the moonlight for 12 hours.

Get off of me! I'm gonna barf.

[Toast grunts] I can't.

We've been training so much
that my muscles are all shredded.

[groans]

I need 12 hours to regenerate them.

[grunts]

[high-pitched whimpering]

Are you crying?

[sobbing]

Yeah. It's just…

[grunts] Tomorrow is our
placement test, and…

and I haven't even been able
to land a single blow on you.

[whimpers]

Please. Please don't forget me,

even if we get separated
and placed in different leagues.

[Cas] The next day, I couldn't focus,

and lost my first placement test
against her.

I have finally bested you, Castaspella,

using only my fists and your emotions.

What?

I knew I'd never be able to beat
the new technique Toast learned,

and she made me look stupid,
so I quit wrestling forever.

Cas, you've been mumbling
for three minutes straight.

I can't hear you over your scary friend
breaking all our stuff.

She's not my friend!

-[crashing]
-It doesn't matter.

If she's not family and she stays,
she needs to pay rent.

[objects breaking]

[Cas laughing maniacally]

[Deckard] Did you slam the door
on the child too?

Don't worry, Castaspella.
True enemies cannot stay apart.

I'll find a way to make sure
you will never be rid of me.

-[birds chirping]
-[wind blowing]

I've come back for my keys.

[Cas] Keys to what?!
Get out of here, you transient!

-So why are we messing up my home?
-[clattering]

[in gibberish] You LAWFULLY ABIDE here?
You're not illegally squatting?

[in English] Yeah, I told you.
I pay rent and everything.

[knocking on door]

Hello, Bee. I believe this belongs to you.

Oh! Cardamon! You're up.
Does that mean your mom is too?

No. She's still sleeping.

Who's your friend?

Her name is Sticky,
unless she tells me otherwise.

I think she might be a princess.

[laughs]

Um… What makes you think that?

You can just tell sometimes.

I've read a lot of fairy tale books,
and they have instructions in them

for getting wishes granted
and living happily ever after.

[in gibberish] Stop that.
I don't love you. I love TV.

[in English] I have to be good
in order to get some wishes granted.

I've come for all the back rent.
You owe a lot.

[in gibberish] GET THIS WOMAN OFF ME!

[in English] Sticky found
her prince so quickly.

Prince? PuppyCat?

[in gibberish] Don't touch me!!
I had yogurt and eggs for breakfast.

[in English] Pets aren't allowed,
but I'll let you keep yours

if you promise to betroth him to Sticky.

Um…

Ah. I knew it. I'll also fix this for you.

But I'm going to need room to work.

More room. Further.

Further.

-[bird screeching]
-[phone beeps]

[seagulls cawing]

[Bee] This is as far as we can go.

I don't like looking
at the ocean for too long.

It makes me think about stuff.

[in gibberish] It makes me
think about how I'm staring at water

instead of staring
at Pretty Patrick's beautiful mug.

[in English] Can't watch TV
till Cardamon fixes the power.

And I can't look him in the eyes
till I pay him all the rent I owe.

[in gibberish] You're hinting that
we should work to pay off

your pathetic child landlord
instead of watching TV.

That's disgusting.

You should reconsider illegally squatting.

[chimes]

[ethereal tones playing]

[electronic beeping]

[in English] Hello, PuppyCat.
Nice to see you again, Bee.

Are you two ready for some temp work?

[in robotic cadence] Ye-ea-ah.
Give me mo-ne-ey.

I spent it all on gum.

Whoa! [chuckles]

Enthusiasm, I like it.

You're in luck.

I've got a lot of jobs
lined up for you today.

Wait, a lot of jobs?

On Snowglobe Planet,
there's a music box that needs repairs.

The livestock are hungry
on Jellycube Planet,

but apparently the giant cherry
they feed from needs special fertilizer.

And the residents of Cloudworld
have filed multiple complaints

of a creepy eye that keeps making
everyone uncomfortable.

[Bee] Uh, what about, like,
one job for, like, a lot of money?

Hold still for uniform assignment.

Boop.

Extra pockets?

Whoa! Magic pockets!

Gum! Here ya go.

[gagging] Bleh.

[wind rushing]

Whoa! Look at all the music boxes.

I've got a music box from my dad.

Well, it does more
than just play music, I guess.

Which one do you think we need to fix?

[in gibberish] Want me
to break one so we can fix it?

[in English, chuckles] Whoa! Hey!

Huh. The floor here, it's hollow.

[exclaims]

A hidden music box!

[clattering]

[music box playing distortedly]

[in gibberish] I guess
this is the broken one.

[in English] Eh.
I've never fixed a music box before.

[in gibberish] Eh, how hard can it be?

[Bee in English] King on his throne.
The witch on her broom.

The princess in the garden.
And the prince in his crib.

[mangled tones play]

[in gibberish] That didn't work.

[in English] Well,
let's keep trying, I guess?

-[music box playing distortedly]
-[farting noises]

[ethereal music playing]

[chomps]

[pops]

[monster grumbling]

[ethereal music continues]

-[fireworks bursting]
-[clapping]

[monster clapping]

[soft melody playing]

[PuppyCat in gibberish] The King
in heaven.

The Witch in slumber.

The Princess lost in the woods.

The Prince left alone.

[in English] This is such a sad lullaby.

Who would want this music box fixed?

[low growling]

[hammer squeaking]

[coins clattering]

-Hi, Cardamon.
-Aah!

[footsteps running]

I got my rent money.

-This is sufficient. Thank you.
-[thumping]

I need to go to the store
for supplies to fix your toilet.

Do you need any help, Cardamon?

No, thank you.

I can do it myself. Sticky, let's go.

[yips]

Thank you, Sticky.

An adult should not keep objects
on the floor.

I'll be back later.

Hmm. Yeah, I guess it'll be a while
before the TV gets fixed, huh?

[in gibberish] I'll do anything
for Pretty Patrick.

[in English] Oh! TempBot is a giant TV!
Maybe we can watch the marathon on her.

[in gibberish] PRETTY PATRIIIIICK!

[electronic beeping]

[in English] It's you two again.
I thought you finished your work.

I'm out of assignments for today.
Just come by to say hi?

[laughs] Yeah, uh,
how are you doing, TempBot?

Well, I wasn't being serious, but…
[chuckles]

Um, no one has ever asked me that before.

I… I guess I've been feeling
a little lonely--

PuppyCat and I were wondering
if you could be a TV for a few hours?

Do you have a remote?

What? No.

Please, TempBot. Please, TempBot.
Please. Please, TempBot.

Actually, there is
an assignment you can do.

What?! No!

[TempBot] Bleh!

Ugh.

-[TempBot] Ah. Bleh.
-[Bee scoffs]

[TempBot] Never try to look at me
for half an hour ever again, please.

[Bee] She's so mean.

Oh, wow.

What's that?

Ooh! Fancy, fancy.

[in gibberish] This is a bathhouse.

The people of Catbath Planet
come here to relax,

unwind, eat pastries,
and take hot baths all in one go.

[in English] Oh, I see. A spa!

They definitely have to have a TV here.

[in gibberish] Let's look for it
without drawing too much attention.

[in English] PuppyCat, are you okay?

[cat chuckling]

-[cats purring]
-A new café pet! So cute.

Would you like a pastry?

Uh, yeah!

[munching]

It's made out of fish.

Um…

Yuh-um! Do you guys have a TV?

Why, yes, we do!

Oh, my gosh. Can you take me to it?

Yeah!

-[footsteps rumbling]
-Come on, PuppyCat!

Let's watch Pretty Patrick Lunchtime!

[in gibberish] I'm coming for you,
Pretty Patrick.

[burbles]

[music playing on TV]

[in English] That's all
you're having for lunch?

[munching]

[purring]

Well, if you want some
of my salad, you can have it.

[chewing]

Ah! Your coat! It's ruined!

Oh, it's okay.
I'm always this messy at home.

Looks like we're gonna
have to clean you up.

You're gonna lick me?!

We don't clean with tongues here.

Silly, we're in a bathhouse.

We're gonna dump you in a bath!

[Bee groans]

No bath! No water!

[splashing]

[birds twittering in distance]

[elevator music playing]

[squeaking]

[squeals]

Let's get some groceries, Sticky.

[barks]

We mustn't waste time.
We're on a schedule.

[booms]

[typing]

That's a lot of gummies, kid.

They're not for me.

Aren't you too young to be lying?

You believe what I tell you.

[Bee] Come on!

-Just lick me, you jerks!
-[basin creaking]

[rumbling]

[rumbling fades]

[roaring]

What the heck are those things?

[in gibberish] I think
someone forgot to flush.

[in English] That's gross, PuppyCat.

[screams]

-[growling]
-[crashing]

[Cardamon] Sticky,

that's not the proper way
to greet your new flatmates.

As a landlord, it is my responsibility

to make sure the needs
of my tenants are attended to.

[barks]

If I do a good job,
then I would be acting as a prince.

And in fairy tales I read,

a good prince gets their wishes granted.

[beeping]

[wind whooshing]

Now we have light
to fix the toilet, Sticky.

[TV host] We'll be back to Pretty Patrick
Lunchtime Marathon after the break.

Stay tuned! We're playing every episode
of Pretty Patrick Lunchtime,

leading up to a special
new episode where we reveal

Pretty Patrick's favorite food!

[yelling]

Why are these things still following us?

[screaming]

Get out of my way! Get out of my way!

[all] Meow! Meow! Meow!
Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow!

Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow!

[cell phone vibrating]

[in gibberish] You got
a phone notification.

[in English] I'm kind of busy.
Can you check it for me?

The power is fixed! Oh my gosh!

TempBot! Open up!

TempBot! Open.

[monster roars]

[roaring]

[lighthearted music playing]

That was close. The lights are on!

Is the TV fixed?

Oh, there's a note from Cardamon.

"No more storing cans in the toilet,
or I will increase your rent."

"Also, I taped your show for you."

"His favorite food is mashed potatoes."

Aw, he spoiled it.

[in gibberish] It would not be spoiled
for me if you did not read out loud.

[gentle music playing]

[machines beeping]

[whimsical theme music playing]