01x14 - Why Don't You Help Me

[bunniefuu]

[psychedelic music playing]

[straining]

[sighs]

What's wrong?

You know what's wrong.

[Warlock G] Is it because your hands
have been stuck there for three days?

[Warlock R] Why won't you help me?
Just help me.

You know how I feel about touchin'.

The only way for me to help you

would be for me to touch you
all the way down your arm.

[Warlock R] You absolute child.

[Warlock G] Touch, touch
till I find where you’re stuck.

Then probably touch you a lot more
on your fingers and palms

to get you out
of whatever you’re stuck in.

It’s too much!

[beeping]

Make B do it.

-I'm sick. I don't want to.
-I don't want him to touch me.

Yeah. Well, then you're stuck, ain't ya?

Besides, last time, I got stuck too.

But by a needle.

If I mess my hands up again,
my girlfriend’s gonna dump me.

Do you know how hard it was
holding all of her groceries

after my hand was punctured?

Look. I can still see a hole there.

-[beeping]
-What… That sound is so annoying!

[bursting, rumbling]

[echoing] Shut up!

You dorks have one job.

And it’s the easiest,
cushiest job in the universe.

We got these jobs because of our dads.

And we’ll never be fired till we find…

Um… [clicks tongue]

Oh, right.

Told ya we didn’t need
to throw out the body.

Right. We don’t get to quit till we find…

this guy.

[Warlock G] And I thought
he looked, mmm, like this.

No, you’re drawing him wrong.

He looks like, uh…

[grumbles] I’m stuck.

[liquid sloshes]

Yeah. Like that. He looks like that.

No, he doesn't. He…

[smacks]

[smacking]

[smacking continues]

[Warlock R grumbles] I wanna draw too.

[Warlock G] No.

[crickets chirping]

[beeps]

The battery in the smoke detector
is slacking off.

And the smoke detector
is tattling on it to me.

I learned how to tattle last week,
and it’s my favorite thing to do now.

I think my teacher really appreciates it.

-[smoke detector beeps]
-I can’t lift you anymore.

And it’s 3:00 a.m.
I should get some sleep,

or I’ll be too tired to tell on anyone
at school tomorrow.

[squeaking]

[door opens]

[machinery beeping]

[sloshes, chimes]

[kisses]

[energy pulsing softly]

I don't know what any of this means.

[shrill voice] I could look into your eyes
for a thousand years and never get bored.

Harlequin Turtlebottom, you make me blush.

[chuckling] Oh, John Hammerbottom!

[John] I love it when you say my name.

[Harlequin] Hammerbottom. Turtlebottom.
[chuckling] It’s so like mine.

[sipping]

[sultrily] Ms. Coffee.

[knocking on door]

[cup clinks]

[footsteps receding]

[chewing]

[muffled] I am so excited
to have a boyfriend someday.

[cheering]

[quietly] All right,
we'll finish this episode later.

Okay, guys.

We’re going to the beach tomorrow
to see the Island Grunion Run.

Wear shoes that you can get wet,
and don’t forget your sunscreen.

A parent or guardian signature
has to be on the permission slip.

Cardamon, he’s really a prince
with a spell on him.

He’s turned into plastic.
We have to save him.

Claire, you’re better than this.

This isn’t a prince.
They’re construction toys.

You skipped two grades.

-I’m embarrassed for you.
-[clatters]

[sobbing]

-[footsteps approach]
-[slams]

That wasn't necessary or nice.

I'll have to punish you now, Cardamon.

Do your worst, Ms. Coffee.

[music playing over headphones]

I don't have time for this.
I'm a landlord.

[birds chirping]

You're late. Sticky, hold still.

[whimsical music playing]

Sticky, everyone has vines
growing in their plumbing.

[knocking]

[whimsical music continues]

[PuppyCat in gibberish] HEYYYY!

[chuckling, in English] Oh! Yeah, Sticky!

[water sloshes]

Sticky has an updo!

Oh.

Hey! The eyeball plant.
That’s one of my favorites.

One of your favorite plants
that I pulled out of your toilet tonight?

No, one of my favorite plants
in general, in the world.

[whimsical music fades out]

[birds twittering]

-[Cardamon] Ooh.
-[toilet flushing]

Hey, you fixed it. Thanks.

These weren’t like this yesterday.

They grew into all the pipes
in just a day.

This is unacceptable.
They have to be destroyed.

If I don’t go to sleep soon,

I'm not going to make it
to school in the morning.

And I’ll get in trouble again, and…

[licking]

I’ll give you a discount on rent
if you take care of this for me.

Oh, hell yeah! I mean, heck yeah!

[Cardamon] Get rid of them. Permanently.

I don’t want them messing up
any other apartments or houses.

They’re a threat to landlords everywhere.

He looks tired.

You know, he is seven.
We should make sure he gets home okay.

[plant rustles]

Here, Sticky.

[in gibberish] I’m not here for niceties.

All mine…

[in English] There you are.

Oh, he’s so sweepy.
Sticky, help me put him to bed.

[keys jangle]

[ambient music playing]

Wow. I forget that
he's not an adult sometimes,

because he's always telling me what to do.

And taking my money.

-[chewing]
-[mallet squeaking]

[slurping]

Oh, how sweet! You fed Sticky.

I'm glad Cardamon has you, Sticky.

[squeaks]

You want more?
I always want more dinner too.

But there’s work to do. Night, Sticky.

Come on, PuppyCat.

[mallet squeaks]

[crickets chirping]

What should we do with them?

[in gibberish] Stab them.

Dump 'em in the ocean like we always do.

[in English] Ew. Gross, PuppyCat.

[mystical tones chiming]

[rumbling, chiming]

[crashing]

All right. Looks good.

[PuppyCat in gibberish] Yep!
Totally done. Let’s go!

[engine revving]

"Dearest TempBot. Cellphone here."

"Just writing to tell you that
my feelings for you are totally real."

"I know we haven't spent
much time together."

"But if you added up the moments
I think about you, it would be 100 years."

[twinkles]

"That is why this letter is so hard.
I have to go away. TO w*r."

"The memory of you will sustain me always.
Remember me. Cellphone."

[mystical tones chiming]

[shouting in English] What?

[PuppyCat in gibberish]
I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING!!!!!

[in English] Oh.
These are Deckard's plants.

[atmospheric music playing]

[shrilly] Don’t look at me!
I’m trying to lay my eggs!

[chimes]

[in gibberish] I need to go to Temp Space
and check on something.

[in English] Heck yeah! I mean, hell yeah!

-[jingles]
-[chimes]

Technically, in dog years,

you’re old enough
to sign my permission slip, Sticky.

So there shouldn’t be any problems.

Sticky! Look what you’ve done!

Who’s going to take me seriously now?

I’ll be back after three.
Don’t eat your lunch until noon.

[cheerful music playing]

[Ms. Coffee] Uh, make sure to describe
and draw a picture of what you find

in your beach journal.

And don’t step on the grunions.

So, if you aren’t watching
The Escapades of Harlequin Turtlebottom,

what are you watching?

I like Pretty Patrick Lunchtime.

Well, I’d hope so! I don’t know
if I could be with someone who didn’t.

-Around. Be around…
-Ms. Coffee, I--

[Ms. Coffee] …someone who didn’t like it,
Pretty Patrick Lunchtime.

[cheerful music continues]

You all missed a shell.

[distorted shouting]

[distorted chuckling]

[distorted shouting]

[squeals]

It's just a difference in the grind,

but I've been roasting
my own beans for a while now.

-I'll bring you some.
-Yes, please.

Ms. Coffee.

[sipping]

Ms. Coffee, they're being bad.

Cardamon, I'm a little busy here.

[distorted cheering]

[screaming]

-[mug clatters]
-[footsteps receding]

Oh, nuts!

[grunting loudly]

[shouts]

Ms. Coffee?

[indistinct shouting]

Fine. I'll go get them.

[distorted cheering]

Hey, everyone. Let's go back.

[distorted giggling, shouting]

[squeaking]

I thought I told Bee to destroy these.

Hey, everyone. Let's go back.
We have to rescue the teachers.

[distorted giggling]

Claire.

[mystical tones chiming]

Hey, everybody. We're trapped.

You guys?

Roar! I'm a dinosaur! I'll eat ya all!

[roaring]

Oof.

[electronic beeping]

Puppy--

[in gibberish] I told her
what she needed to hear.

[trembling, in English] Oh! Oh!

Oh, Cellphone! No, my love.

PuppyCat, what did you do?

[in gibberish] I told her
what she needed to hear.

-[squeals]
-[in English] You should go apologize.

[in gibberish] No!
It’s better this way! She’ll get over it!

[in English] I will never love again.

[sobbing]

Hey. Do you two need a job?

-[sobs]
-[Bee] Um…

Tell her.

[in gibberish] Nooooooo!!

[in English] It’s okay, you two.

-I already know.
-[Bee] What?

w*r is such a terrible thing,
and Cellphone is so brave.

-PuppyCat!
-[whining]

But we must carry on, right?
It's good you came.

I need someone strong for this job.

Aah.

[groans]

[slowly] I think I need to be alone.

[Bee] But--

[PuppyCat in gibberish] Okay!

[TempBot sighs]

[lighthearted music playing]

[in English] PuppyCat, I don't think
that was very nice.

[in gibberish] Being nice never helped
anyone get over a broken heart.

[in English] I think you're wrong.

[metal scrapes]

[Heart Head] Hey, I am up here!

Oh, finally! Okay.

This is a very serious situation
we have here. We’re so clogged.

[groans]

[bashing]

Um, yeah, you gotta break up these clots
at every access point.

The pipes have to be able to run
once we open her up.

Okay.

[cracking]

[bashing]

[in gibberish] We have to be there for
TempBot while Cellphone is away at w*r.

[in English] My cell phone isn't at w*r.
It's in my pocket.

[in gibberish] Really,
aren’t they the same thing?

[in English] She's gonna be mad
when she finds out.

[in gibberish] She’ll never find out!

[Heart Head in English] Hey, you guys.
Here's the problem. Come over here.

[Bee] Is that a hand?

[Heart Head] Yup.

I think that is the crux of the problem,
but I cannot budge it.

[mysterious music playing]

[PuppyCat in gibberish] AHHHH!!

[crashing]

[Heart Head] Ah, jeez. Not again.

Come on.

-[c*ck]
-[powering up]

[blasting]

[low rumbling]

[crashes]

[gentle music playing]

[distorted cheering]

[waves crashing]

I'm going to tell on all of you
when we get out of here.

Thanks, but we don't need
your input, Fartamon.

[giggling]

[Cardamon whispering] I'm telling.

[low rumbling]

-[Bee] Whoa!
-Oh, there you are. Check this out!

[blasting]

[laughs]

Did you not know the Broken Heart Planet
is a mobile defense platform?

Wow! That was…

I'm hungry now.

[Heart Head giggles]

[in gibberish] I told you
Cellphone was going to w*r.

-[in English] We have to go.
-[Heart Head] Pew!

[waves lapping]

I blame Fartamon.

[mystical tones chiming]

Oh, come on! We beat you already!

[kids screaming]

-Aah!
-Aah!

[rumbling]

[wind whistling]

[rumbling]

[beam powers up, blasts]

[fizzling, rumbling]

We don't want this!

[mysterious music playing]

[waves crashing]

Aah! Water!

[rumbling]

[burbling]

[lighthearted music playing]

[birds chirping]

[all] Whoa!

How are we gonna get out of here?

Uh…

Good question.

Hi, plant.

I think you can understand me.

I’m sorry for getting rid of you.
Can you let us out?

[kids] Yay! Woo-hoo!

You see how cool Cardamon is?

We were all just admiring the fish,
and he was thinking about important stuff.

Okay, Cardamon. I guess you’re cool.

[giggles]

[Bee] Uh, where did the sandspit go?

[Cardamon] It’s only there
at a very low tide.

The plants are your friends.
They won’t let you sink.

Can you let Mr. Assam
and Ms. Coffee out, please?

Ms. Coffee, I have a lot to tell you

about the atrocious behavior
of both classes.

-[Warlock B screams]
-[psychedelic music playing]

[screaming]

My hand!

[groans]

Yuck!

[whimsical theme music playing]