03x02 - When You've Got Nothing Left, You've Got Nothing To Lose

[bunniefuu]

[wolf howling]

Joel: Previously
on House of Villains.

Welcome to House of Villains
Season 3, everybody.

- Yeah.
- Woo!

- And you know me
from "Basketball Wives."

- "Love Island USA."

- "RuPaul's Drag Race."

- "Mob Wives."

- "Survivor."

- Tyson, you...

[alarm blaring]
- Oh, g*dd*mn it.

- ...are our first Supervillain.

- Wait a minute.
Christine: Yeah.

- No.
Christine: Yeah.

I thought that was you.

I was like, "No way."

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- It's you, right?

Ashley:
Johnny, he is hot. Who knows?

Maybe I'll get drunk
and then I'll hook up

with Johnny.
Joel: Tyson, you are about

to go on your reward outing.

- I will take Plane.

- Who is the second villain

you would like to take
with you on your reward?

- Paul.
Joel: All right.

- I have to put you up
as a decoy.

Joel: Tyson, who will you be
pissing off first today?

- Paul.
Paul: You gotta take me

on at least two dates
before you f*ck me.

- Who is the second villain
you would like to nominate?

- Christine.
Christine: You went around

and you f*cked me.

You didn't use lube

and you did
the same thing to him.

Joel: All right, Tyson,
who is your final

Hit List nomination?

[suspenseful music playing]

- Jackie.

Tiffany: Oh, my God.

- What a f*cking loser.

You needed a moment
and you got one, baby,

'cause you f*cking
with the wrong one.

Do you know who I am?

I am Jackie Marie Christie.

You should
never have done that, ever.

Let's f*cking play.

I thought you was nice.
I liked you.

I hugged you
when I first came in.

But then I noticed
you stopped talking to me

'cause you knew
I was gonna be a problem.

And guess what? I am.

- Well, here are your first three

Hit List nominations,
Paul, Christine, and Jackie.

Tomorrow, you three nominees
will compete

in our first
redemption challenge,

where one of you
will fight your way to safety.

And please, no literal fighting.

This show is not insured.

- I have an opportunity
to save myself

and I'll do my best.

Otherwise,
I'll get on a private jet

and I'll fly
the f*ck up out of here.

- Good for you.
Jackie: Thank you.

- Chic.
Joel: The two villains

who don't earn redemption

will be up for banishment.

When we return to this room,
someone over here...

- Damn.
Joel: ...will be voted

out of the house

and lose their chance
at $200,000.

Well, it sounds like
it's gonna be a fun night.

If I were you,
I'd start drinking.

Jackie: When I do
the challenge and I win,

he better look
over his shoulder.

I'm coming for him
like he ain't never seen.

"Survivor" has nothing on me.

- Yeah, bro,
you caught some strays there.

- I don't know
if they were strays.

Johnny:
It was, uh, pretty direct.

- They weren't that stray.
They're pretty direct.

They were pretty owned.

- Well, now you're done.

I mean, you know,
maybe you have some people

on your f*cking back, but...

Jackie: See, I've been nice.

I've been nice.

But now, I see.

- Who should I have thrown in?
Tiffany and Kate?

Like, that's--
there's nobody that's...

- Don't try to get
nothing started with Tiffany.

- I'm just saying,
there's nowhere to go.

There's nowhere to go.
There's five people there.

- I feel like
you should know my energy

from the time I walked
in the front door

to now, it hasn't changed.

Now, it's gonna change.

- Okay.
Jackie: Okay?

- Mine's gonna stay the same.
- Period. Good.

I think it should.
- It will.

- Because a nasty snake liar

doesn't really appeal to me.

So the gloves come off.

Bad, bad, bad boy.

Bad boy.

[Tiffany speaking]
- I think so.

I'll let them simmer down
a little bit first.

- Christine,
don't beg that idiot.

- Huh?

Don't what?
- Don't beg the idiot.

It's too late.

The idiot already put you
on the Hit List.

Let him go.
- [laughs]

[blows raspberry]

Oh, Lord.

[upbeat music playing]

- It's never gonna feel good...

- Yeah. I get it.
- I'm probably next.

I won immunity today,
so like next time,

you know, someone's gonna have--
- Wait, you won immunity?

- Yeah.
- Oh, sorry.

You meant as the group? Sorry.

- Yeah. As a group, yeah.
- Sorry, sorry.

I thought you had
like a singular challenge

with the rollerblading thing.
I was so confused.

- I wasn't--I didn't go
to the rollerblading.

- Oh, okay, sorry.

Johnny:
Are you ready to compete?

- I am.
- Yeah?

- I'm glad that I...
- How do you feel

going against Paul and Jackie?

'Cause you realize that's what
it turns into, right?

- I'm actually excited
about that. I really am.

'Cause I feel like
that's my chance

to kinda bring it.
Johnny: I don't want you

to leave early.
Christine: I'm not going to.

- Yeah, I mean,

speaking of which,
we have to address the fact

that we've met
each other before.

- Yeah.

Johnny:
I don't want Christine to go.

Christine is beautiful.

I mean, everyone can see it.

She's tall, she's blonde.

And me and Christine
actually met

like a year and a half ago
at a bar.

Johnny:
It was very brief, you know,

but she expressed to me
she thought I looked good.

I told her the same.

She gave me her number,

but I didn't really follow up

because I didn't save
her name on my phone.

And I did my best.

I reached out to her
on Instagram,

but, you know, she's got
like five million followers.

I get it.

Yeah, I checked my DMs too
and I was like,

"I definitely did reach out
to you."

- Well, I...
Johnny: Did you look?

- Well, I don't ever check
my DMs.

Johnny:
That's why I wanna talk to you.

We gotta see that through.

- I had to go back and look.

He literally, like,
DMed me, like, a lot.

Obviously, he likes me,
so we'll see where this goes.

Tiffany: Johnny, there's a lot
of food already made.

- Okay, gotta go.

- Thank you, honey.
- Thank you.

[slow upbeat music playing]

Paul: What's up, bro?
Tyson: Not much, dude.

- Did you--did you do--
are you okay?

Tyson: I'm frazzled.
- Dude, I did not expect that.

I should've let
somebody else pull the lever.

- No. We're in a good spot.

We're in a good spot.
- We'll be. Gotta get real.

We'll be all right.
Tyson: Okay.

Paul's my Hit List decoy

to mask our red
and orange room alliance.

I know he's not super happy.

I know, in that position,
I wouldn't be.

I do feel confident

that whether he wins
the redemption challenge

or it goes to a vote,

he's gonna be safe
either way.

But will he be on my side?
Paul: We just need some rest

and then tomorrow...
- We need a rest.

Paul: I'm excited to see
what that challenge is.

- And you need
to win your way back in

and then we gotta--you know,
somebody here needs

to win Supervillain again.

Paul: I agree.

Paul: Then we're cool, yeah.
- Yup.

Paul: Cool. Cool.
Tyson: Okay. I'm gonna change,

get into something cozy.

Paul:
Yeah, I'll see you down there.

Tyson, I was
in my eternal f*cking rest

after I lost "Big Brother"
the second time.

And I don't know
what inspired you

to unearth me from my tomb

by putting me
on the Hit List,

but now I'm about
to rain down chaos

on everybody's head
and you're f*cked.

Drita: I have to be honest.

I see the way Tom,
like, treats Tyson,

so I think
those two are aligned.

Kate: Yeah, but it's
'cause they're roommates.

Here's the thing.
So Tom is coming from a world

where it was him
and another guy named Tom

that was his buddy.

They opened two bars together.

He's used to having a wingman.

He even bought a motorcycle
that has a little sidecar.

[engine revving]
[playful music playing]

Drita: Big Batman and Robin.
- Yes.

- This is how I sleep now.

[laughs]
Tom: Sick, dude.

- I think the Supervillain
always has to sleep like this.

It is part of the rules, dude.
I don't make the rules.

You can borrow these pajamas
if you want to sometime.

They're so silky.

- Me and Tyson, I feel like
we're helping each other out

and we laugh a lot.

So I think we have
a very fast-growing bromance

and I f*cking love it.

That's cool. We'll just start
wearing each other's clothes.

- Okay.
- Nobody will think

we're like...
- Best friends.

[jazz music playing]

♪ We got together ♪
♪ One fine day ♪

♪ And we said, ♪
♪ "Let's hang forever ♪

♪ 'Cause it feels so great" ♪

♪ And now it's up ♪
♪ In the morning ♪

♪ All the things we do ♪

♪ Everything is better ♪
♪ When it's two by two ♪

♪ Two guys, two guys ♪

♪ All I know ♪
♪ Is I was all alone ♪

♪ Until I met you, dude ♪

♪ Two guys ♪

- ...what would it be? For me,
it would have to be a tiger.

A tiger would f*ck up a lion


They're just more nimble.
- That's one on one.

But lions run in packs.

Female lions are the attackers.

[laughs]
- This woman and men talk.

I already told you I think women
are smarter than men, obviously.

- Not the ones you pick. [laughs]

- Well, I've been duped
several times.

It's my Achilles' heel.

- vag*na is your Achilles' heel.

- vag*na, yeah, for sure.

It's a drug to me.

On "Love Island,"
I'm known as a villain

because I got coupled up
with a girl,

went to another house,
kissed another girl.

[upbeat music playing]

- Holy sh*t.

Johnny: From that point on,
every show that I've gone on,

I've just been a player,

talking to a bunch of girls,
switching up left and right.

You know, I love love.
I'm a lover boy.

It is what it is.

- Oh, that's why you guys
are in "Love Island."

- Why is that?
- Because you're horny.

- Are you not?
- [laughs]

Christine: No.

Um...
Drita: Why'd you get divorced?

Drita: You're dating or not?

[upbeat music playing]

- You're--wait.

You're Albanian? Okay.
- I'm Albanian.

- I feel like that's why
I feel like a kinship with you,

'cause I'm Russian.

So we're from similar...
- I didn't know you're Russian.

So you're tough?
- Yes.

Yeah.
Drita: Oh, yeah, yeah.

Russians,
they have breakfast with bears.

- Uh-hmm.
- They're like,

"Look at my pet."

- I've made breakfast
for some bears, so...

- [laughs]

- How are you doing?
You look fantastic by the way.

Tiffany: Thank you.
Paul: I wanna be snatched

this summer.
Plane Jane: Oh, yeah.

Let's go be bros.
Paul: We just, like, have

a hyper-masculine
workout session.

Tiffany: Yeah, Tyson,
I just wanna say real quick,

I feel like
you are a strong competitor.

You're someone that I feel like

I wanna align myself with.
- Okay.

- It's so important to identify

who is the most
competitive player in this game,

and it's definitely Tyson.

I have to get something going
with this man,

because this is the type
of person that I need

to help me get to the finale.

You could have put me up
but you didn't last night.

- I didn't. I wasn't going to.

- Literally all you want.

- I just need you to do
damage control with the house

when people are pissed at me.
- Right, right.

We--I just love--I love
the way this is going.

Paul: I feel like that type
of man does not like me.

Plane Jane: Typically same.

- Being a little like, you know,

outside the lines, they freak.

They don't--they don't like--
they don't understand it.

Plane Jane: I feel like
we're more on the same page

than I had suspected.

Growing up,
I didn't really belong

with the bros, the Johnny's,

and the Tyson's,
and the Tommy's,

but at the same time,

I do not fit in
with the women,

so I'm just stuck
in the in-between.

I just don't wanna
annoy people, you know?

That's just my personality.
- Right, exactly.

I don't think
you're annoying people.

I think it--your personality
lends itself well

to, like, you being comfortable
around people and, like,

getting to know people
a little bit quicker.

Paul: I feel like Plane Jane
relates with me here

and I'm hoping we can create
some sort of camaraderie

in this house.

- Well, listen,
we'll see what happens.

I'm just rooting for you.
Paul: Thank you.

Jackie:
I couldn't sleep, Christina.

We're the outsiders now.

As much as I hate to say that.

Drita, we're her roommates.

She loves us. She f*ck with us.

- Anybody hungry?

- The rest of them,
they're not mad at us,

but they feel like
those guys are kinda tarnished.

You notice
how no one's coming around.

They're all out there
having their fun

and snickling and giggling.

- sh*t, I think
I'm straight now, you guys.

- [laughs]

- And our time will come.

- Yeah.
Jackie: Victory will be ours.

And vengeance,
we're getting him.

Christine: I know. That's why...
- And he's gonna hate

that he did this to us.

He thinks
he's this big shot Survivor.

I don't want him
to survive here.

- That's why I, like--
I so look forward

to the challenge today.
Like, you have no idea.

I'm gonna have
a nice hot shower.

I'm gonna wash my hair.

I'm gonna shave my coochie
just because I can.

I wanna feel smooth.

I ain't f*cking,
but I'm gonna do it.

And I think...

- What's the Cuban Shuffle?

Christine:
We're gonna Cuban Shuffle

these m*therf*ckers.
- Okay.

- And you and I together

have to win
that m*therf*cking challenge.

- Oh, yeah, whatever it takes.
I don't go down without a fight.

- Yeah. I get it.
Jackie: I don't.

So that's our strategy.
Christine: Yeah.

I would love it
if Jackie and I could both win.

- Because if we win,
we just stay.

Christine: Uh-hmm.

The wheels are turning now.

The wheels are turning.

And I think the game
is about to come undone.

[slow pop music playing]

Plane Jane: Mama's cooking.

Christine: I have bags
everywhere of makeup.

You want light or dark?
'Cause I have a darker one too.

- Do you have
like just translucent?

- Totally white? Got you. Okay.

Tom: Okay. Perfect. Thank you.
Christine: I got you.

Ashley: I'll take another one
of those Vanderpump martinis.

Tiffany: Yes.
Tom: Yeah.

Ashley: I was feeling good
last night.

Tom: I would absolutely love
to make you more of them.

Can we--can we do something
about that, Joel?

Joel, can we have the keys
to the liquor cabinet

so I can make these beautiful,
amazing people c*ck?

- We're much more interesting
with a couple glasses.

- How about the people
on the Hit List?

I feel like they could use
a drink right now.

- Right? Come on.
all: Yes.

Joel: But if you drink now,
you won't fully enjoy

the weed you're having
delivered to the house later.

- [laughs] That's true.

[dramatic music playing]
[Claudia grunts]

Where is he?

- Miss?
[Claudia groans]

Who the hell are you?

- Huh?

- What are you doing
in my estate?

- Oh, sh*t.

Are we supposed to be here?

- Why is my home filled
with common wh*res?

- This b*tch is trying
to call all of us hoes.

This is not gonna fly.

Well, who the f*ck are you?

Chase: Claudia, Claudia,

Claudia, Claudia, Claudia.

- Who are these people?
Chase: Claudia, girl,

Vandersteel, my lover

and sole heiress
to the Vandersteel iron fortune.

- If there's anything
that I learned

from my
"Big Brother" experience,

if any exorbitant thing

is happening in front of you,

chances are you're gonna need
to remember

whatever the hell
they're talking about.

So my antennas,
beep, beep, beep,

or my horns, I'm not sure
which one at this point.

They're f*cking on.

- You are my heart and my soul.
- [gasps]

- You set my torso aflame.

Will you marry me?

Claudia: Yes, 8,000 times. Yes.

Chase: She said yes.

- Stop!
- Hello?

- Autumn Summer Winters,

my half-half sister.

Christine:
I'm definitely stressed

about the challenge,
whatever it may be,

but right now,
I'm loving this performance.

This is one
f*cked up soap opera.

[dramatic music playing]

- What are you doing
out of the asylum?

Happy Acres Asylum, to be exact.

- I never made it to the asylum.
- [gasps]

I found this.

So it was you
who had me committed.

- I needed to pave the way
to become the sole heiress

to the Vandersteel iron fortune.

- You've always had
your eye on that prize

ever since Mother
was lost at sea 12 years ago.

- Oh, my goodness.
Claudia: You know good and well

we found her at sea, dead!

I cremated her myself!

This is her in this space!

- Wait a minute now.

- I miss you, Mommy.

- Hey, ladies, ladies,
there is no need to fight.

- Yes,
he's already made his choice.

Claudia: No!
Tiffany: What?

Claudia: You're lovers?

Slap.
Chase: I'm lovers

with both of you. [laughs]

- And with me!

Plane Jane: No way.

- [gasps] Mom?
- Mother?

- I'm totally bummed
that they didn't cast me

to be one of the actors.

Christine, no!

I'm your sister
and your daughter.

[gasping]

[laughs] Okay. End scene.

Autumn:
But you were found dead at sea?

- No!

[all scream]

- f*ck' A.

We've been in this house
with a cremated body.

I need to get up out of here.

- Oh, Mom.

Autumn: Well, well, well,

it seems like
you're just after our money.

- No, no, no. I love you.

And I love you.

And I love her.

Victor: And me!

[all scream]

- Oh, hello,
Victor Danger Knox Vandersteel.

[dramatic music playing]

Jackie:
It clicks all of a sudden.

I'm realizing
that this is the challenge.

- My son!

But you were stolen
at childbirth.

- Luckily, a group
of Scandinavian nuns saved me

and gave me to the Carringtons.

- So you two

are adoptive brothers
and lovers?

- And co-conspirators.

We came up with this whole plan
to tie you up

and m*rder you all.

[laughter]

- Wait, you can't!

- Oh, my God.

- I'm pregnant.

- Is it mine?
Joel: No.

- Oh.
- It's mine.

- Whoa.

all: Father Joel McHale?

- Yes, I am a father
and the father.

- Oh, wow.

- And cut!
Great job everybody, we did it.

Tiffany: Wow.
- Great job, great job!

Well done, guys.
Thank you for being here.

Thank you for your bravery.

Thank you for answering
the casting notice

on Facebook Marketplace.

All right,
you guys get out of here.

- Bravo.
Plane Jane: Incredible.

- Because for Christine,
Jackie, and Paul, this

is your redemption challenge.

- Oh, my God. What?

- I'm so confused.

- They're acting. Oh, sh*t.
- What?

Joel: Come on, art department.
Bring it out.

Jackie: Oh, my God. I'm sick.
I'm sick to my stomach.

- I'm dead.
- All right, bring it all in.

- We got ashes.
We--oh, my God, I can't.

- Jackie, you're cool.

You're fine.

You're definitely cool.
You got a fan on your hand.

- There is a whole another level
of pressure here.

I'm sweating.
My adrenaline's going through.

I got heart palpitations.
I'm scared.

I'm thinking,
"Am I gonna faint?

Am I gonna go
into a cardiac arrest?"

I almost feel like
I'm pregnant again,

and I'm trying to do
the pregnancy breathing.

I'm getting hot
thinking about it.

Joel: All right, here we go.

This is
your redemption challenge.

This challenge
is called Bringing the Drama.

A good villain
is always watching

and listening,
paying very close attention

so they can exploit
those details later.

And that later is now.

You just watched a soap opera

that was somehow less dramatic

than your everyday bullshit.

- That's for sure.

Joel:
I'm going to ask you a series

of multiple-choice questions
about what you just saw.

The villain with the most points
at the end of six questions

wins and is off the Hit List.

The two losers will be subject
to the house vote,

where one will be banished.

Paul: If you were to ask
my mother,

she would tell you
that I have the worst memory

on g*dd*mn planet Earth.

If you were to ask
a professional,

I probably have
early onset dementia.

So I'm hoping
that these questions

are on par with what my brain

chose to remember.

- First question
of your redemption challenge.

Who slapped Chase?

A, Autumn,

B, Claudia, C, Victoria.

- Who slapped Chase?
Luckily, I remember that.

That was Claudia.

She was the first person
that came in.

And she was not happy.

- Let's see your answer
in one, two, three.

Raise your paddle.

The answer was B, Claudia.

Christine, you get a point.

- All right, Christine.

- Question number two.

What is Autumn's relation
to Claudia?

A, sister once removed,
B, half-step sister,

C, half-half sister.

- I'm not gonna be fooled
by this little half step

or two step or whatever the f*ck
y'all are saying.

Half, half.

- Autumn Summer Winters,

my half-half sister.

Joel: The answer is C,
half-half sister.

Paul and Jackie,
you get a point.

Now here's your third question.

What fortune
is Claudia Vandersteel

the sole heir to?

A, iron, B, steel,

C, uranium.

One, two, three. Let's see them.

The answer was A, iron.

Paul and Jackie
now each have two points.

Christine still has one.

Jackie: I'm racking up points.

I'm at least beating Christine.

I'm in the game.
I'm in the running.

I feel like I got this.

- What group
of people gave Victor

to the Carringtons?

A, Slovakian neighborhood watch,

B, Scandinavian nuns,

C, Swedish good Samaritans.

One, two, three.

The answer
is B, Scandinavian nuns.

Everyone gets a point.
[applause]

- Well done. Well done.

- Next question.
What was the name

of the asylum that Autumn
was supposed to be in?

A, Happy Acres, B, Shady Acres,

C, Pacific Acres.

One, two, three.

We have one of each.

The answer is...

A, Happy Acres.

Christine now has three points.
- Ooh.

Christine: I had no idea
that this was about

to break out
into a challenge,

but I went to acting school.

I'm trained.
Meisner method, baby.

And that is really working
in my advantage for once.

[laughs]

- Three-way tie, everyone.

Whoever gets
this next question correct

wins the redemption challenge.

If we all tie, then I don't know

what the f*ck we're gonna do.

Okay.

How long ago
was Victoria lost at sea?

A, a decade, B, 15 months,

C, 12 years.

You guys got your answers? Okay.

Let's see them
in one, two, three.

Again, we have one of each.

The answer is...

[dramatic music playing]

Joel: C, 12 years.

- Ever since Mother
was lost at sea 12 years ago.

- Paul wins the game.
Congratulations.

Paul: I feel fantastic but,

but, but I feel horrible

because now
that I'm off the Hit List,

everybody's looking at me
and they're thinking

one of two things,
"Damn, this dude

is a lot smarter
than I thought,"

or "Damn, I really wanted
to see this guy go."

Either of which
is not good for me.

- Congrats, Paul.

You were slightly better
at listening

and remembering
than the other two.

Christine and Jackie,
you got some work to do

and will be up
for banishment tomorrow.

I'm gonna get out of here
before one of these actors

asks me to be
in their student film.

- I'll hit you up.

I will host
a Sunday show at The Improv.

- Tomorrow, we will see you
at the banishment ceremony.

Christine: Now that I'm up
for banishment,

I know my back's up
against the wall,

but we're playing
for $200,000.

And the thing with me,
I'm going through a divorce,

I'm a single mom,
I've got lawyers,

like I got nothing left.

And when you got nothing left,
you got nothing to lose.

[upbeat music playing]

- Hello, Kate.
- Hi. You know what?

You really seem--you must be
just relieved it's over.

- I am relieved it's over.
- 'Cause--yeah.

- That sh*t
had my adrenaline up here.

Like, it was the most
uncomfortable,

'cause I'm not used
to that--to that feeling.

- You've never done
a competition show?

- Never, ever.
- Ugh. It's hideous.

- Oh, my God.
- It's hideous.

- On "Basketball Wives,"
everybody knows

if Jackie says
she's going to have it,

it's not a matter of "if,"
it's a matter of "when."

Because I am a person
that loves to win.

So, if I was the first one
to go home,

I would be
completely crushed.

That would make me start
questioning everything about me.

You come into this
and you start meeting everyone

and you start...

- If you--I know.

Oh. Oh.
- It's okay.

Kate: Jackie,
she does everything wrong.

Be quiet in your bedroom,
stop crying,

and get faster at challenges.

Those are my tips for Jackie.

But I do have moments
where I'm thinking,

would it be more strategic
to get rid of the person

who's a bigger threat,
which is obviously not Jackie?

- No. I mean...
- Okay. So I'm gonna--

- Okay.
- Okay. Thank you.

- Told you. [chuckles]

[upbeat music playing]

Drita: Ow.
Christine: Oh, my God.

- Your energy's
way more positive.

And I think you have
to maintain that here,

especially if Jackie's
not gonna be positive.

- I feel like
you should know my energy

from the time I walked
in the front door...

- Yeah.
- ...to now. It hasn't changed.

Now, it's gonna change.

- Okay.
Jackie: Okay?

- Mine's gonna stay the same.
Jackie: Period.

Good. I think it should.

- It will.
- Yeah.

- 'Cause that's what people
are gonna choose

is what's gonna be
the best energy

for the house after this.
- Yeah.

Tyson: Christine
is interesting 'cause

I can't tell if she literally
has no idea what's going on.

Or maybe she's playing us all.

Either way,
though, I feel like

she's someone I can
manipulate moving forward,

and I'd like
to keep her in the game.

- I am in your corner.
- Yeah.

- And I will pitch you.
And if [inaudible]

people asked
who I'm keeping here, it's you.

- I really appreciate that, I do.
- Yeah.

[upbeat music playing]

Jackie: Tiff,
how did you deal with it

when this happened,
when you left?

- Don't raise your p*nis at me.

- You're a weirdo.

You're a big clown.
You're a weirdo.

- Now that I am. Now that I am.
Now that I am.

- You was?
Tiffany: Yeah,

but then didn't work
on my favor.

[bleep] you all,
you sons of b*tches. [screams]

Jackie: Yes.

- Like, a lot more people
didn't like me

and that was me
being in my head.

- And that's what I feel.
Tiffany: Then it's not true.

- I feel like
there's a lot of people that...

Jackie: Yes.

It just hurts because
it's like, I like everybody.

I want--you know,
but I understand it's a game,

you know? And it seems unfair.

And I hate that I had
to depend on others

and got myself
in this situation.

Tiffany: Since I met Jackie,
prior to this,

I'm going to vote
to keep Jackie safe,

because in this game, knowing
someone from the outside

can really,
really take you far.

And I need that kind
of protection in this house.

- Okay.
Kate: That's gonna put--

yeah. Yeah, you do.

[upbeat music playing]

Johnny: How do you feel, though?
- I don't feel f*cking great.

I'm not gonna lie, like...
Drita: You don't?

- No, no, I mean, like right now.

Tom's c*ck,
I feel f*cking great.

Comma. I don't feel great
about the whole situation.

Being up for banishment
is the worst.

I'm anxious, I'm vulnerable,

but at least
I look amazing, right?

- I'm just obsessed with you.
Like, you're my idol.

Like, I just wanna be you. I...
- She's so funny, right?

Plane Jane:
I--it's everything to me.

I just--yeah.
- Well, I love you.

Things are a little
up in the air with me.

I know Plane's got my back.

Hopefully,
Drita and I are okay.

But Johnny,
I don't know. So...

Wanna go by the pool and talk?

I think I'll give him
the chance to talk to me.

Finally.

I don't mean to be sexual,

but aesthetically,
this is like...

Johnny: Okay.
How is that sexual?

I know
this is not a dating show,

but Christine is beautiful.

And Christine and I's story,

I mean, it's kind of romantic.
It's kind of like "Grease."

Like, we met each other one
night in the distant past,

and then one day
end up in the same house

on a reality show.

I'm not even really
thinking game right now.

I'm thinking
this could be like,

I don't know,
my new showmance.

I mean, this is perfect.

I think you look good,

'cause I've already
expressed that to you

before we even
got here a year ago.

You know I think
you're beautiful, you know?

But like, I'm trying
to figure out how--is--

maybe cool if you're
feeling it, whatever,

if you don't have
a boyfriend, you're single.

[sighs] I didn't wanna have
this conversation.

I don't want Johnny to know
that I have a boyfriend,

because I totally see the way
that Johnny looks at me,

and I'm using that
to my advantage to keep me safe.

But, yeah, no, I like them old.

I want them--
I want one foot in the grave.

I want an empire.
I want an estate.

I really, really,
really like you.

I think you're really smart.

I think you have
something about you.

I'm like, we can work together.

I don't know
what that looks like.

What I'm saying is, there's
no such thing as a coincidence.

- Stop, stop, stop,
stop, stop, stop.

- No, no, no, no. Listen,

we met
for a f*cking reason, okay?

Like I said...
- You're being super vague.

- I'm not. I will expound.
- Explain.

- What I'm saying is...
- What are you talking about?

- ...what if we f*cking met
to win this thing?

I would like to form
an alliance with you.

I have said that to no one.

- Uh-hmm. Absolutely.

Obviously, we have
to revisit that conversation

when you're still here tomorrow.
- Yeah, we will.

- They must be saying
something interesting.

The nosy Nancy in my heart

wants to know
what they're talking about.

- She's campaigning.

- Girl, she doesn't need
to campaign that hard.

- I know. Not with him.
- Enough campaigning. No.

- No, they're not.

But I mean,
that vote is in the bag.

- Uh-hmm.
Who are people voting for?

Are we--are we--
are on the same--

are we on the same page?

- I feel like there's
another movement in the house.

Plane Jane: Yeah.

- And it's tricky for me

because it's my roommate.

Yeah.
Plane Jane: Ooh.

Really?
- Yeah.

[upbeat music playing]

Drita: Let that sit.

- Because this is--
this is game time.

- It is.

I offer stability, loyalty.

If I win or I'm in a position
to make you win,

you're gonna win, 'cause
I'm not here for the money.

Christine: Jackie's
pitching herself to Johnny

right in front of me.

It's a little awkward.

- If I can put you
in that winning chair,

Johnny, why wouldn't I?

- We're gonna go,
I will vanish like a ghost,

and then I'm gonna
come back up and change.

- I'll tell you, Johnny,

I feel like
there's chemistry with you two.

Christine is a sweetheart,
don't get me wrong.

But at the end of the day,
she realizes that her power

is your eyes twinkle
as soon as you see her.

- Hmm.
- Like, you're attracted to her?

- When I'm around
beautiful women,

I kind of gravitate
towards that for comfort.

- Uh-hmm.
- So, I gotta keep Christine.

- I get it. I see it.

But I think
you would be barking up

a tree that would go nowhere...

Johnny: If this is true,
that could definitely

change whether I want her
in this house or not.

So, I'm starting
to think now, like,

maybe Jackie,
you know, should stay here.

- Do what you wanna do. For me,

I can help you go a lot further.
Nothing against Christine,

but I don't think
that's the intent.

I think it's more, you're cute.

- Absolutely.
I have two sides of my brain,

my lustful thoughts.
Jackie: I love it.

- And then I also have my,
I'm here to play a game.

- There it is.

[dramatic music playing]

- Yeah, sometimes.
- Sure. Yeah.

- Or bussy.
Have you ever heard of a bussy?

- This b*tch.
Kate: No, babe.

- A bussy is a butt p*ssy.

- No, I understand.
I had a feeling.

[upbeat music playing]

Tiffany: I really like sleeping,
like, in the room with you.

Kate: Same.
Tiffany: I don't know why,

but I feel...
Kate: I know. It's so funny.

Tiffany: ...I can go to sleep
because you're here.

Kate: Aw.
Tiffany: It's weird.

[upbeat music playing]

- I have to look [inaudible]

I gotta f*cking clean.

I gotta ask this girl
if I can organize for her

'cause I can't take this.

I love my roommates,
but right now,

Jackie definitely got
one up on Christine.

I don't want makeup all over
the f*cking house, on the beds.





Do you see Drita
really rolling with that?

No.

This is unnecessary.

Kate: How are you feeling?
You feel rich, blessed, good?

Kate: I know. That's my point.

I don't give a sh*t
about anything.

- If I loved attention,

I will not wear this.
- Yeah. Yeah.

[Jackie laughing]

- I'll be walking
the f*cking stairs like this.

- [laughing] Right.

Paul: I keep waking up at 7:00,
and then, like, once I'm up

and I see people, I'm like,
I can't go back to sleep.

Ashley: Don't remind me.
I'll sleep next to you.

- You're literally my sleep
paralysis demon. That's you.

The sleep paralysis demon
in the corner,

it's literally just Ashley

talking about Johnny Banana's
little d*ck or something.

Now that's a nightmare.
[Ashley laughing]

[dramatic music playing]

[laughter]

- And Christine's not packing?

- No. Hell no.
Why would she do that?

- I mean, I honestly don't know
which way the vote is going.

I really don't.
Drita: Oh, that's nice to know.

I'm not trying to be
an as*h*le to Christine.

I'm really not, 'cause actually,

I get along
really good with her.

It's just nice to hear that,
because that's fair.

I'm not a follower.

I don't care what everyone
in the house does.

I do what I think is right.

So I'm giving Jackie my vote,

and I will be completely
f*cking honest with it.

I like the underdogs.

Tyson:
Everybody likes an underdog.

I don't have a vote tonight

because I am
the Supervillain,

but as long as things go the way
I want them to, I'm cool.

And I'm hoping
Christine stays

because she's maybe
a little bit easier to manage

and less of a headache
than Jackie.

Fingers crossed.

PJ.

Is just keeping Christine still,
is that where your head is at?

- Yeah.
- Have you talked to anybody else

about this, like, upstairs?

Plane Jane:
I think that New York might be

a solo operator.
Tom: Okay.

- That line of thinking
doesn't make sense.

- I just went
back and forth a little bit,

like, weighing out
the pros and cons of both.

- Christine's better
for our game to keep in.

Plane Jane: Yeah.

Tom: Christine
has been really sweet to me

and Jackie also has been
really sweet to me.

But Tyson's the Supervillain.

I feel like Tyson has more

experience in these situations.

And also, he's my homie.

So I guess
we're sending Jackie home.

- I like both of them,

but I would prefer
for Christine.

Tom: Same. Yeah. Yeah.
Tyson: Let's do it.

Plane Jane: So everyone's
on the same page, hopefully.

- Yes.

- So Christine
if she didn't have a boyfriend,

you would try
to hook up with her, right?

- Here? Absolutely.

But, you know,
it's just like we're in a house

for weeks potentially.

Drita: I don't blame--I know.
- You know what I'm saying?

- I think Johnny is amazing.

Good-looking,
young, nice, smart.

I loved you on your show.
"Love Island."

- Oh, you watched it?
- I watched the show.

I'm not--
I'm not just saying that.

I, like, really cheered
you on, on there.

And I was like,
"This kid has such a good aura."

You do. You just have--
naturally have a good aura.

I mean, he had a lot of,
you know, sh*t thrown at him.

"Oh, don't do that to her."
Are you's bugging?

I also understand
why they casted you.

I think
that was very, very smart.

- Nope.

- I can't believe
you watched my show.

[bell dings]
Joel: All right, everybody.

Get dressed for the next
six and a half hours

for this banishment ceremony.

- That's what I think
a lot of people forget

is there's cameras everywhere.

- Oh, I don't forget.
- You don't forget?

[dramatic music playing]

Johnny: Okay.
- Ooh.

Jackie: Oh, my.
Johnny: That's a fit.

Jackie: Mamacita.

Tiffany:
That's one conversation,

but the most important
conversation is,

how are they voting?

- Oh, I didn't even ask.

- This is where
we need to be right now.

I'm sorry. I'm just always--
- You know what?

I don't wanna
even put them on the spot,

because listen, you guys...
Tiffany: I would.

Jackie: Oh. Well,
I'mma listening anymore, so...

- I'm sure you would.

- If y'all want to,

we could have more
conversations like this.

I will love on y'all
for the rest of your life.

Tiffany:
But Jackie, most importantly,

in here,
how could they have been--

Jackie:
You know what? I just think...

- Like, if you stay here,
are you gonna make sure

you don't put them up,
like offering yourself...

Jackie: Yeah, of course.
Well, they should know that.

Some of you I've connected with.

Johnny: Absolutely.
- Definitely this one right here.

Me and Drita
is on the same page.

And I also was promised
the allegiance

from a particular gentleman
from your guys' group.

I won't say who,
'cause I really wanna see,

is he going to stand
on what he said.

We connected
and we had an agreement.

We shook hands
and it's a--it's an agreement.

And we're gonna see.
I'm a person of my word.

So win or lose, this is one
of your guys' people.

- Who is this man? It ain't me.
So it's either Tyson or Tom.

And can any of these people
just be f*cking direct?

Because I'm tired of reading
in between the lines.

And quite frankly, I don't
really know how to read at all.

- Tom and I both pledged
our allegiance

that we would have each other
no matter what.

- Yeah. All right.
- Are you with me?

- Thank you. I appreciate that.
- Period. Yes.

For sure, for sure.
- That's really sweet.

- We shook hands

and I take him
for his word on that.

I would love to have your vote
if you wanna vote for me.

- Cute.
- There it is.

Tyson: Keeping Christine? Like
I don't--is that wherever you--

Ashley:
If that's what you all...

Tyson: That's what I want.
That's what I thought.

Ashley: Okay, yeah.

I'm in an alliance

with America's
biggest douchebags,

and now all the boys

want to keep Christine,

obviously,
because she's like super-hot.

So it looks like I have to keep
my boyfriend's girlfriend.

[laughs]

- One more thing,
Jackie said that

she came in
and shook someone's hand

and said that she was gonna
be working with them.

She was like, "I talked to one
of the big guys over there."

I don't know
what that was. Yeah.

- Maybe you?
Tom: I talked to her a lot.

And then she shook
my hand last night.

She's like, "Tom, I don't know
who you're voting for,

it doesn't matter
what happens..."

...shook my hand, so.

Here I am just trying
to be a nice

polite gentleman to Jackie

and this sh*t is getting
blown up in my face.

- Are you with me?
- All right.

- Period. Yes.
- Thank you. I appreciate that.

I mean, I would shake
anybody's hand

who came up to me and said that.

That's like,
"I'm showing you loyalty

and you don't even have
to give me anything in return."

I mean, that's really sweet.
That's why I said, "Thank you.

That's really sweet."
- Thank you.

- It's like she's going around
telling everybody,

"Oh, like, Tom proposed to me.

We're in love.
We're getting married."

Which is not cool
because that is attacking

my character.

[sighs] What the f*ck, bro?

- I almost wish
they would have just said,

"Jackie and Christine, you guys
are going into banishment,

and it's your ceremony
to say goodbye,"

and we both left.

I would feel better about that.

- I'm sorry?

- I hate
that you would have to go,

but I think knowing
that one of us

goes is kind of gross.

That's kind of like mental
f*cking t*rture or something.

- Uh, I'm good.

[bell dings]
- What the...

Joel: This is just a test.
Yup, still works.

Carry on
and disregard the ducks.

- Oh, my God.
What the hell was that?

- I just don't want her
to be like, "That m*therf*cker."

And then if, like, I make it
to the end and be like,

"He f*cking betrayed me.
He gave me--"

I didn't give her my word.

I haven't given anybody my word.

Paul:
Tyson put me up as a pawn.

And Tom
is super close to Tyson.

So I'm trying to take
this little paranoia

that he's got concocting

and use it
against both of them,

because if you allow a pawn

to get all the way
to the other side,

they turn into the queen.

- If everybody's
voting on Jackie

and my vote's
not gonna count, like...

- Yeah.

Tiffany: Who's for sure
keeping you here?

- I think Tom, Drita,
they both said they were,

and I hope you good,

and then Kate,

and Johnny.

- I wanna vote Christine out.
Just because I...

Do you get what I'm saying?

This isn't
"Vanderpump Rules."

I am trustworthy, reliable,

hardworking.

And that's my reputation
right now.

Do you get
what I'm saying, though?

I just don't want her, like,
spreading that sh*t around.

- I think that's a good idea.
I support that.

Given the excessive rate
of Tom's paranoia,

hmm, this dish is about
to be served pretty soon.

Tom:
She's told everybody this story,

that like she shook my hand
and we have an alliance.

- It's crazy. It's so--

but then the other thing, too,
is you can't--

doing the opposite
of what we all discussed,

so you have to vote with them,

because then it shows
that you're just solid.

- Yeah.

I'm between
a rock and a hard place.

If I vote for Jackie,
it looks like I gave somebody

my word
and then went back on that.

But then if I vote
for Christine to go home,

it's like I'm not reliable
with my alliance.

Either way, I'm f*cked.

- Like, if the whole group wants
to go a different direction,

you've gotta go that direction.

Joel: Villains,
go through the bookcase

and do not take
my copy of Dianetics.

- We need to go in the bookshelf,
but I don't know.

- What the f*ck is a bookshelf?

Why do I not know
what anyone's talking about?

- I'm feeling good going
into this banishment ceremony.

I think I have Tiffany,
Drita, Johnny, Kate,

and I would hope to say Tom.

I need at least five people
to vote for me

to stay to be able
to make it through.

And at the end of the day,

that's the only
game plan I have.

- Get the back.

[tense music playing]

Joel: Welcome back, everybody.
- Hey, Joel. Hi.

- This is the fun part.
You look great.

Wow, look at the outfit
you put on, Paul.

Hello, Drita.

- Oh, my gosh,
they're back again.

I hate these chairs.
Tom: They look different.

My manager didn't say

they changed around
the chair contraption.

It's giving me, like,

I might be decapitated
on a rollercoaster feeling.

- I'm afraid. I'm scared.

Joel: All right. Villains,
welcome back to the stronghold

for your banishment ceremony.

Tyson, you are the Supervillain.

So please take your chair,

dramatically.

- I don't know
how to be dramatic.

Joel: Okay.
- Are you sure?

Joel: That was a lot of...
woman: That was dramatic.

Joel: Yeah, that was a lot
of eye contact, so...

Jackie and Christine,

if you were banished tonight,

you will be out
of the competition

and will lose out
on a chance to win $200,000.

Please stand in front
of these new prop chairs

and angrily glare at Tyson.

[dramatic music playing]

- All right. You guys just look
slightly constipated,

but it's
the House of Villains, so...

we will take what we can get.

Jackie, if you're banished,
that private plane

you mentioned earlier
in the Hit List ceremony

will be waiting for you.

Christine,
we got you an Uber pool.

- That's nice.

Joel: The other villains
are about to vote

on which one of you
will be banished from the house.

Jackie is wearing a ski jacket

and using a fan
at the same time.

That is some baller sh*t.

I would be so pleased
if you would now please

make your final please.

Christine,
anything you'd like to say?

- Well, I know
I'm supposed to give a big list

of why y'all should keep me.

And I can't really think

of what those things are.

I think I have
a really good disposition.

I'm ditzy. I'm dumb.

I spill a lot of sh*t.

I'm sorry for that.

And I'm a hot mess.

- Christine was amazing
on Selling Sunset.

She was reading people.

She wasn't gonna take
nothing from nobody.

So this Christine is new to me

because what the hell is that?

- I think Tyson
was in a really difficult spot.

I will say that.

I was egging him on
to pull the lever.

I thought it was going
to help us, and it didn't.

I feel awful for that.

Joel: Jackie,
you're up for banishment.

Anything to say?

- All of you guys,
I want your vote.

I'm not gonna sit here,
though, and grovel and beg.

I think you met me.
You should know

that this is something
I wanna do.

I wanna be here.

I have things
going on in my life

that I feel even beyond this
could benefit every one of you.

But I almost feel
like I'm making like

a drug deal
or something by saying

if you do this for me,
I'm gonna do this for you.

And if that's legal,
I can make 20 into 40

and 40 into 80 and 80 into...
- f*ck yeah.

Jackie: ...so on and so forth.

But that's not
what I'm trying to do.

- We like drugs.

- I want to be here.

- Like make the b*tches upset.

Kate:
Based on Jackie's speech,

she actually doesn't know
what show she's on right now.

She's like, "Wow, I love
the new 'Basketball Wives' set,

but where are all my friends?"

- Villains,
it is time for you to vote

who is leaving the house.

Here we go.

Ashley.

- For now, I guess I'm gonna have
to be loyal to the boys.

Sorry, Jackie.

- This is a really tough choice.

- This sucks.

- Trying not to pull your hair.
Oh, jeez. Sorry.

- No, you're good.
- There you go. There you go.

- Do I click the person
who I want gone?

- I mean, it's not personal
'cause I don't even know you.

- It's so hard.

I'm talking about Tom's face.

- This is insane.

Joel: The votes are in.

Okay.

By the magic of technology,

the results of your votes have
been transmitted to my tablet.

In a vote of five to three,

the first villain to be banished
from the house is...

[dramatic music playing]