01x106 - Episode 106

[bunniefuu]

-Hello.
-You're late.

Mm. And my t*rd has
driven you to the hard stuff?

Haven't you ever heard
of a three-martini lunch?

Oh, darling,
that went out in the '90s.

Unless you're trying
to start a resurgence?

More to the point,
I thought you were cutting back.

This empty glass is
to remind me of my options.

Well, they do say an empty glass
is full of possibilities.

I think we should be like
all those businessmen,

solving world problems
over drinks.

That's probably where some
of those problems started.

Three-martini think tank?

All right, I am game.

What problem are we solving
this afternoon?

An irritation.

How much do you know
about Ashley Morgan?

Oh, my God, Naomi.

I just had breakfast
with my mother,

and I told her
about my dinner with Andre.

No, not the movie. Ha, ha.

Which started
this whole interrogation

about me and Derek.

Yes, my dinner
with Andre was terrific,

and we did have a blast.

But just because I visited Paris

does not mean
that I want to move there.

It's a metaphor.

And just because
I turned down the boy next door

does not mean...

Well, honestly, Naomi,
I don't know what it means.

I was hoping
you could drop by later,

and we could sort out my life
like we do?

[knocking]

Okay. Call me back
as soon as you get this. Bye.

-Andre.
-You said you wanted to see me.

Voilà.

♪ ♪

[phone buzzes]

Hey. Thanks for getting back
to me so quickly.

Yeah. I'm at Bill's office.

He went out of town overnight
on business.

I need your help.

It's...

Well, it's kind of an emergency.

Yeah, but make sure
Caroline gives you the notes

that I made
for the Anderson deposition.

All right? And if you see
any issues

that need my attention,
you call me, all right?

This is a team effort.

Well, yeah.

I'm supposed to be on my way
to the airport right now.

Drivers keep switching up on me.
I'm still waiting on 'em.

It's the second time
they've done that.

I hope I make it on time.
But listen,

be sure that you touch base
with me

on any and all things, Tomas.
You understand?

You got it?
Okay, good.

Oh, good. Glad I caught you.

Oh, hey. You're lucky.

I was just on my way to Atlanta.

Don't worry.
This won't take long.

Okay. What's up?

I was just wondering,

have you had anyone m*rder*d
lately?

Well, saying hello is customary.

But if this is some--
I don't know--

-some new social media trend?
-Nice try, Dad,

but I'm not leaving
without answers.

Okay, well, I'm waiting on a car
to take me to the airport,

but I have a little time to hear
why you'd say such a thing.

So you think I hurt someone?

Don't.

The grands told me.

And before you try to
smooth-talk your way out of this

and call it semantics,
they told me everything.

Mm-hmm, okay.

Well, perhaps you should
bring me up to speed.

Everything about what, exactly?

How you and Joey Armstrong
are in cahoots.

How you joined forces
to get a man k*lled?

Hmm. You're talking
about that r*cist scumbag?

I'm talking
about a human being, Dad.

I mean, seriously, who are you?

I'm the same guy
I've always been.

Yeah, the one who rides in

and solves the problem,
like I always do.

Was it that easy?

Just like picking up a phone
and ordering a meal?

I did it to save your cousin,
your whole damn family.

And I'll do it again.

But the Duprees
aren't your family anymore.

You turned your back on us
when you chose Hayley.

So what do you think?
Can you help me?

Yes. You're the best.

I knew I could count on you.

But there's one more thing.

Listen, I know
it goes without saying.

It is imperative
that this stays between us.

No one else can know.

Sure, I've met Ashley.

She's got a boyfriend.

Hunky firefighter.

They've uncoupled.

Oh. And how do we feel
about this?

Are we interested in Derek?

Please. In his dreams.

You have discovered a penchant

for younger men ever since
you started dipping your toes

in the waters of Lake Andre.

It isn't his age.

It's the vibe I like.

Andre and I are good together.

It's easy.

And while I have
the utmost respect

for firefighters everywhere,

that couldn't be less relevant
to this conversation.

Not interested in Derek.

Ashley...

...is interested in Andre.

Thanks again
for our trip to Paris.

-Yeah. Hope you enjoyed it.
-Are you kidding?

No one's ever even thought

of doing something like that
for me before.

Ah. Well, they should.

It was really sweet.

Right. Um, I'd like to hear
"and," but I'm hearing a "but"?

It can never happen again.

Okay, well, you know,
a brother likes a challenge,

and I can't manage Mars,
but if you're into Rome,

I hear Filomena's got
a really good takeout menu.

So good you'll think
it's from another planet.

-Oh, that sounds delicious,
but...
-Hey, if you have time,

I'll tell you all about the time
I got lost outside of Rome.

-[laughs]
-No, no.

Italy's off-limits, too.

[groans]

Okay.

What I'm saying is...

...I don't think we should
see each other anymore.

Wait. It sounds like
you're breaking up with me.

-But we...
-No. Uh, right.

Yes. I know we were never
really seeing each other

in that way in the first place,
but I'm just saying this...

-so that we...
-Mm-hmm.

...don't get our hopes
and expectations up.

But I had fun the other night
at Paris night.

I thought you did, too.

It was the best vacation
I've ever had

without leaving home.

Okay, then, so it's me.

What? You don't like me?

Uh... we're buds.

Right, but we had a great time
the other night.

I'm just afraid of getting hurt.

Right, because I'm the
heartbreaker who's on a mission.

No, not at all.

A-At least I don't think you
would ever intentionally, but...

[sighs] Men like you...

And what kind of men is that?

Jet-setting photographer,

-woman in every port.
-Okay.

I mean, you were seeing someone
here. What happened with that?

She's around,
but it's not that deep, Ashley.

Well, maybe it should be.

Okay, what are you saying?

Maybe...

you need to start making
smarter choices.

Poor Ashley.
Interested in Andre.

Right?
It's like being interested

in Michelangelo's David
or Da Vinci's Mona Lisa.

The man is endlessly
fascinating.

And sexy as...

She couldn't handle
that level of sexiness.

She would burst into flames.

And not in a good way.

-[laughing]
-I am serious.

A man like Andre could destroy
Ashley's uncomplicated mind.

It's like climbing Everest

and thinking
it's just a pretty hill.

There's Andre miles above,

and the poor kid would die
of altitude sickness

before she even
dug her feet in good.

Ashley is a very nice
young woman.

Yeah, salt of the earth.

The way she cared for Bill
after his stroke?

She's... she's a warm blanket,
a soft pillow.

Ashley's safe and comforting.

Being with a guy like Andre--
she'd be bamboozled, ruined.

She'd have to move to Virginia
and take care of rescue goats.

And because
she is Naomi's best friend,

how can I let that happen?

How kind of you
to look out for her like this.

You are joking, but I'm serious.

I have absolutely nothing
against this sweet child.

But to your point,
she can't have this one.

No. You don't get a luxury item,
break it in, and give it away.

This one's made for me now.

Andre fits me just fine.

So you really don't have
anything against Ashley?

Nothing. I wish her the best,
really.

I mean, all of that hard work,
drudgery, the hours,

the endless days piled on
with thankless tasks.

She deserves a good man.

A fellow who will go antiquing
on the weekends.

[Dani laughs loudly]

Anyone, just not Andre.

-[laughs]
-I hate sharing.

Ashley deserves a man
who is 100% hers.

All right, well,
how do you think

she worked her way
between you and Andre anyway?

How do most pests invade?

When one is looking
the other way.

Or so I've heard.

You have had pests before.

And then my husband married her.

I wonder what's been
distracting you lately.

I hope you're not insinuating

it's our fledgling
modeling agency.

How dare you?

How's Bill?

"Not family"?

Should I pretend
that didn't hurt? [scoffs]

You know, I know
it serves your narrative better

if I appear heartless.

You divorced our mother.

Listen.

Because
of my two beautiful daughters,

I will always be connected
to Vernon and Anita,

even if I didn't get an invite
to her concert last night.

Oh. Cry me a river, Dad.

If you wanted to be there,
you could've paid.

Same as 1,200 of Gran's
other nonfamily fans.

Hmm. You get that heart
from your mother?

-She says I get it from you.
-Hmm.

The man who had a m*rder
committed on my family's behalf.

Right, okay.
Did your grandparents tell you

how that punk was stalking
Martin's kids?

Jacob mentioned it.

Okay, good.
Then imagine how I felt

when I learned that
the situation had escalated.

Anybody who will use children

to expedite
their criminal activity

cannot be trusted, Naomi.

Okay? There was no time
for careful contemplation.

So you become judge,
jury and executioner.

I did what needed
to be done, okay?

And when you become a parent,
you'll understand exactly

what I'm talking about.

The love that I feel
for my children--

you and your sister
and the one that's on the way--

that can move mountains.

That's what I do, baby.

I will do anything to protect
the people that I love.

But this?

I don't know
how you could do this.

Okay, then your mother
and I did our jobs right, okay?

We raised you to believe
in justice and in goodness.

That right would always win
in the end.

And that evil was-was
something distant,

something that other people had
to face.

But sometimes, baby, evil
will back you into a corner,

and the only way out
is to erase it.

The only way?

Okay, look, I'm prepared to live

with the way
I chose to do things, all right?

And if that makes me...

deplorable in your eyes,
then so be it. Okay?

You can cast me out again,
but before you do that,

you need to ask yourself
this question.

Will you do that
to your grandparents, too?

Hmm? To Martin?

Your mother and Nicole-- they
must have been informed by now.

You gonna cut them off, too,
or just me?

You know what?
Something just came up.

Let me call you back. Bye.

Caroline,
I didn't see you there.

I'm sorry to barge in.

I thought Bill's office would be
empty with him out of town.

Oh, it's no worries.

Everything all right?
That call sounded serious.

I wasn't going
to say anything until later,

but I am planning
a birthday party for Bill.

Wow. Good head start.

His birthday isn't
until October.

Yeah, but it'll be here
before you know it.

And I don't want any details
falling through the cracks.

Especially with so much planned
for our little answered prayer.

And... before we start
down this road again,

of course I forgive you
for leaving that troublesome box

in the middle
of the floor like that.

Hayley, I...

I can't tell you
how sorry I am.

I've been kicking myself
for being so careless.

No, that's exactly
what I don't want.

I'm fine.

-The baby's fine.
-You're sure?

I'd be the first to know,
wouldn't I?

Everything's right as rain.

Oh.

I'm so relieved.

Although, you know Bill.

He worries
at the slightest thing.

So we're off to the doctor
first thing in the morning.

It's a wonder he left you
long enough to take this trip.

Girl, I had
to pack his bag myself.

I hope
you didn't strain yourself.

Listen to you.

As overprotective as Bill.
What?

Well, I know
how much he loves you.

Oh. I'm the lucky one.

That's why this party has
to be meaningful.

Why don't you let me
help you plan it?

You'd do that?

Anything I can do,
any way I can help,

I really want to be there
for the both of you.

It means so much
to hear that, Caroline.

Thank you.

I know you don't have family,

-but here you are.
-[laughing]

Starting one of your own.

You must be so excited.

Ah. You have no idea. [laughs]

It's incredible.

-You're going to be a mother.
-Oh, my God.

I... I can hardly believe
it's actually happening.

Girl, guess who showed up
and made herself known

at that sold-out
Articulettes concert?

Little Miss Crazy
Steal-Your-Man Leslie herself.

Child, with all of the wigs

and none of the common sense.
[laughs]

I got to go.

It's him. Child,
what am I gonna do? Yeah.

-Hey.
-Hey.

So, giving me
relationship advice?

I'm not exactly sure I want you
in my love life in that way.

Well, that's the only way

for us to be
in each other's lives.

Okay. Andre Richardson, right?

We took a trip
to Paris the other night.

You seem to have enjoyed it,
and now, all of a sudden,

you want to be put
on the no-fly list. I...

-Ashley, I want to know why.
-Oh, God.

Why are you making this
so difficult? Um...

It's my mom, okay?

[laughing]:
Oh, what?

So you told your mom about me?

-No.
-So you told her about us?

There is no...

and can never be... an us.

Can I sit?

Unless you're waiting
for someone?

No, no.
I'm just grabbing a bite to eat

before I head back to work,
but I don't mind sharing.

Thanks.

As friends.
That's as far as this is going.

You almost died.

And if I shut you out again
and something awful happens...

You'd feel guilty. Yeah.

So come on. Let's just
put this aside for now

and speak of other things.

All right? Look, for example,

we can pretend
that you just asked me

what it's like to be a father
again after all these years.

And then you would say?

Every bit as exciting as it was

when I found out
about the first.

Hmm.

Every child is special
in its own way.

Is Hayley showing yet?

Well, no,
as a matter of fact, she isn't.

You know what I think?
It's all those Pilates classes.

-Probably.
-Mm-hmm.

Well, I better get...

Yeah, but I'm...

pretty sure things will be...
gonna be okay.

Why wouldn't they be?

Well, Hayley tripped over a box
and fell at my office.

-Oh, my God. Is she okay?
-Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.
You know, nothing major.

She says she's fine, no pain.

But you want to make sure
that the baby's growing

and that there's nothing
to worry about.

Mm-hmm.

Overprotective from the start.

Dad, I-I really do hope
that the baby's gonna be okay.

You really mean that?

Hayley, I hate
with the white-hot intensity

-of a million suns.
-Hmm.

Okay.

Not to put too fine a point
on it.

But that baby...

That baby's innocent

and my future little sibling.

So, I want to make sure
it's healthy and happy

and as trouble-free
as my sister and I were.

Are.

Mm-hmm. Yeah,
wouldn't that be a miracle?

Hmm. Do we have a gender yet?

Uh, well, Hayley showed me
the ultrasound,

but apparently,
this baby is shy.

Are we sure it's yours?

[chuckles]
Yeah.

As big as his head is,
there's no doubt in the world.

Big brains and beauty
run in this family.

Oh, there you go.
Baby's first close-up.

[Bill chuckles]

I am completely immune
to the charms of Bill Hamilton.

Totally over the guy. Done.

-Ha!
-Excuse you?

Okay, I am leaving.
You get the check.

Okay, okay, okay. I'm sorry.

-Wait.
-Waiting.

All right.

I may still have some
residual feelings for my ex.

But it is a process.

I'm accepting our divorce.

Very healthy.

Bill's moved on.

With that...
pathetic, insufferable,

gold-digging,
man-stealing charlatan

whose name escapes me
at the moment.

-Hayley.
-Oh, my God.

The name is Hayley.

[Dani scoffs]

Hayley.

How embarrassing to have
to constantly announce oneself

to remind people
that you're in the room.

I've never had that problem.

Oh, darling, when you walk
into a room, a party breaks out.

Remember Aspen?

[laughing]:
Oh. I will never forget.

-The trauma.
-[laughs]

Excuse me.

This is what
I'm talking about.

It's like disappearing ink.

There,
then forgotten in seconds.

[Pamela laughs]

You called me out of my name.

Something about
"insufferable gold-digger"?

You overheard those words,
and assumed

that they were describing you?
How telling.

I actually worked hard
to get where I am.

You call spreading those little
ankle-free tree trunks

for a man old enough
to be your Pee-Paw work?

Wait till he hears.

What kills you?

Is it knowing
I bring out a youthful,

more passionate side of Bill?

A side he finds irresistible?

Because that man cannot
keep his hands off me.

So, when we found out our little
bundle of joy was on the way,

well, it was no surprise to me.

-Let's get out of here.
-No, no, no. No.

Let her get all the poison
out of her system.

This baby is meant to be,
just like Bill and I.

You know, the second he laid
eyes on me, that man was mine.

I am tattooed
all over his heart forever.

And nothing will tear us apart.

And now this beautiful baby
makes family.

BILL:
So what do you think
of your new sibling?

Couldn't be cuter.

[laughs] Yeah, spoken
like a true diplomat.

We both know this looks
like a black-eyed pea.

[laughs]
I'm wild about black-eyed peas.

-Well, not when you were little.
-[chuckles]

Well, it grew on me
after years of exposure.

Which proves
you can learn to love.

-Hmm.
-And I will

love your baby, Dad.

I'm sorry I can't...

give you more.

This is all just...

No, no, it's...
it's more than I expected.

You know, probably more
than I deserve.

[sighs]

I know none of this
has been easy on you.

-Glad you noticed.
-Mm. Yeah.

Hayley...

...well, she was your friend.

Okay, let's not go there.

-Well, if it wasn't
for you, I....
-Yeah.

Don't you think I know that?

Okay.

Look.

I know you regret it.

But I hope
someday you and Hayley can...

Okay, conversation over.

Wait, no. Okay, I'm just...
No, no, no.

I overstepped, okay?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

We were doing pretty--
pretty good there for a second.

Avoided the "M" word.

Listen, it's enough for me

that you're still
talking to me now, right?

And that you're making space to
love your new brother or sister.

I'm sorry I...

[sighs]

Baby, I'm sorry
I'm not a better man, okay?

But I love you, baby.

Have a nice flight, Dad.

♪ ♪

Shanice, I thought we were...

you know...

Yeah, I know that's what I said,
but that was... that was before.

Has something changed for you?
I thought you liked me.

I mean, we were into each other,
vibing together.

And all of that is true.

I thought we were gonna
see where this leads.

But there was also,
like, this side quest,

a happy accident,

with also
making Ashley jealous.

That's the problem for you.

We work together,
and I can't mess with that.

I love my job way too much
to let anything interfere.

No, of course. I... I get it.

And patient care is number one.

And also, I went
to that Articulettes concert.

I heard it was incredible.

Oh, those women
were revolutionary.

Listen to their love songs,
the lyrics.

I mean, realize it's dangerous
to play games

with somebody's heart,
even if it's your own.

And all this chaos swirling
around your feelings for Ashley?

I'm too good
to play games like that.

-So...
-I'm kind of liking

that you talked about me
to your mother.

Everything I just said,
that's what you pick up on?

It's just nice.

No. No, it is not nice.

You know, my mom thinks
you're all kinds of wrong.

Mm. Because
of my womanizing past.

And she probably thinks

that I'm a threat
to your happiness, right?

Yeah. Reasonable.

It's not just that.

Look, Derek saved
our family dog once.

He had a corn cob
stuck in his throat.

Well, the dog.

Right.

Hero type, right?

And I'm just the guy who would
speed-dial the hero type

and look for a video
of how-tos on doggy Heimlich.

But you'd still find a way
to save that dog.

But that doesn't matter. No, no.

You know, my mom thinks
that you're the type of guy

that's just going to go
wherever the wind takes him.

You know, a temporary thing.

What do you think?

Well, I mean, I...

Try saying it from the heart.

You're breaking potentially
bad news to a patient.

Andre...

Yes.

I think that you are...

funny,

handsome and...

exciting.

And you believe in me.

And...

I really like that.

But I have to tell you...

that...

you're just...

not the kind...
kind of guy to put down roots.

But what if I am?

What if I am, and I've just
never found a safe place

to dig deep?

Ashley,
what if you're my safe place?

♪ ♪

I have to warn you,
I haven't made up my mind.

Then I'll warn you. I have.

So maybe that kiss was
a stupid thing to do.

And you should apologize to me
for making me dream big dreams.

Well, then you should apologize
to your lady friend.

I want what
she's not willing to offer,

and she's always known that.

And I think it's time that I...
had a conversation with her.

Wh...

-Yeah, yeah.
-Wait.

To end things? No, you can't.

I-I haven't even told you
what my decision is yet.

Yeah, but I know
what I want now.

I want something real, Ashley,
something with roots.

Possibilities, something
that we can find out together.

Why are you even
saying these words?

God. Tell me I didn't break you.

No, you didn't break me.

I think I just finally realized
what it's like

to be important to someone,
to really matter to somebody.

I like it,
and I want more of it.

And even if it's not with you,

I want something
that's going to last

with somebody
who really wants me, all of me.

It's like what you said.

Sometimes you just have
to let life nudge you

in a different direction,

and you'll never know
how you'll wind up.

-Yeah, I said that
in Paris, huh?
-Uh-huh.

Oh, yeah, that was
genius double-talk.

So what about you, huh?

What do you want?

Where's life nudging you?

I think I just need more time
to think about it.

Right. Right.

And, um, I have a phone call
that I need to make, so...

Want to talk later?

Yeah. Yeah, I'll be around.

Okay.

I should have never said
I wanted to make Ashley jealous.

That... that was a jerk move,

not to mention immature.

And I should have never agreed
to help.

Everybody has hurt feelings
after a breakup,

and I just don't want
to be the cause of any.

Of course not. You're a nurse.

It's in my nature to help.

And I like to have fun
just as much as the next person.

But Ashley and I--
we work together.

It was dumb. I know.

And it's more than just
about being messy at work.

I'm gonna put it out there.

It's one of the things
I like most about you.

I don't want to be the crumbs
off somebody else's plate.

I want to be the whole meal.

I want someone
who's interested in me alone.

A guy who wants more
than just to wallow in the ashes

of some other
ruined love affair.

See what I did there?

Clocked.

My turn?

Okay. Why not?

You're absolutely right
about everything.

As if that's news.

Let's forget
about whatever we said or did

before I sat here today.

That guy was a jerk,
wasn't thinking straight.

Hmm. Well, the technical term
is a "hot mess."

Yeah, well, this guy right here

just likes spending time
with you.

And I value the friendship.

Is that still a possibility?

[knocking]

Oh, God, Naomi,
thank God it's you. Get in here.

Not the welcome I was expecting,
but I like it.

-Please lock that door.
-What are we keeping out?

My life,
which I really don't want

to discuss with you right now.

Okay, good. Me first.

-Okay.
-My father.

I just stopped by his and
Hayley's place to talk about...

family issues,
and he just kept going on and on

about his new family.

You mean with Hayley?

Yeah, and the baby
she's expecting.

And all I could think about was

how their lives
are gonna change forever.

-Mm.
-Especially Hayley's.

Well, I take it by that reaction

that you haven't changed
your mind about having kids.

Nope. Not even a little.

-In fact,
it reinforces my decision.
-Mm.

Hayley has a career,
no matter how she got it.

And what happens
to all she's worked for

when my dad suddenly wants her
to become earth mother?

Because that's what happens
to women.

My mom is a perfect example.

We are expected to give up
our goals and dreams

to just become
the stay-at-home parent.

Ugh. With that being said,

I... I do hope
the new baby Hamilton's okay.

Wait. Is there something wrong
with the baby?

God, I-I hope not.

Hayley tripped
over a box at work,

and they're gonna go get another
ultrasound tomorrow morning

to make sure everything's good.

Another ultrasound?

Yeah...

Why? What's wrong?

Ash.

I know that look.

Start talking.

You're not even showing.

Pilates. Works wonders.

Interesting how you have had
a world full of miracles.

Between God's grace
and Bill's money,

there's nothing you can't do.

Oh, I am so sorry.

I forgot how difficult
this must be for you.

Watching new life spring forth
from your replacement

while you dry up and flake away.

Is this child talking to me?

I said you're a dried-up hag.

-No, no, she didn't mean it.
-Every word.

Look, your time is over.
Nobody needs you, Dani.

Your children don't.
You don't have a real job.

And I mean,
you can't keep a man.

Did she actually...

You started this.

Do you know what it's like

for people
to say your child isn't real?

Because it isn't.

The way you have lied for months

to everyone, including yourself.

This charade
has gone far enough.

Hayley?

There is a special place in hell
for people

who do what you've done
to Bill and our family.

Dani, I think
something might be wrong.

-[Hayley whimpers quietly]
-Karma.

-Wait for it.
-[Hayley groans]

It's a real b*tch.

Dani, I don't think
she's faking it.

Dani...

what if that was real?

[door closes]

I mean, since technically
Ashley's the one who dumped me,

and I've already told her no
more trying to make her jealous.

But I don't need to keep
her updated on my friendships.

And... I really like
hanging with you, Shanice.

You're persistent,
I'll give you that.

So what do you say?

You gonna let me keep
being your pal,

or are you gonna kick me
to the curb on principle?

Well, a flirty pal is
a terrible thing to waste.

Great.
So we can celebrate over lunch.

Make it dinner.

I've got to get back
to the hospital.

I'll call you later.

Sounds good.
And Derek, don't go looking

for another friend with benefits
too soon.

Does that mean
you're interested?

Not even a little bit.

This is advice
coming from your pal.

You're not over Ashley yet,
and you know it.

Tie up that loose end before
you go unbuttoning another one.

Derek.

Okay, uh, this is kind of
awkward, but, you know.

No, nothing's awkward
about you, Andre.

-I'd say you're pretty smooth.
-Nah.

Especially how you moved in
on my girl,

like, two seconds
after we broke up.

Ashley...

Hey, where's
Mrs. Hamilton's ultrasound?

I couldn't find it
in her records.

We didn't do one.

Wait. What?

Mrs. Hamilton
declined the ultrasound,

said she didn't want it.

Ash, what is wrong?

Nothing.

Um, I've known you forever.

I'm very familiar
with that look.

What aren't you telling me
about my dad and Hayley's baby?

[buzzing]

-Should I go check on Hayley?
-Please.

Hayley is a drama queen

using this latest pregnancy
for effect.

Do not play into it.

Hey, babe, it's me.

Car service switched up on me
a few times,

but I'm finally about
to leave for the airport.

I didn't want anything. I'm just
calling to say that I love you.

I miss you already.
And do me a favor

and give that beautiful baby
of ours a message,

and tell him Daddy says
that he loves Bill Jr.

or Billita like crazy.

Oh, and don't forget
about picture day, okay?

Can't wait to see how much
our kid has grown.

So you really don't think
anything happened to Hayley?

Unfortunately, no.

Those dreams never seem
to come true.

[laughs]
You're the worst.

I never faked a fetus
to hold onto a man.

[phone chimes]

Oh, I would love to stay,
but I have a meeting.

I'll fill you in on
whatever hijinks she's up to.

Look, we joke,

but I know if anything happened
to Hayley or her baby--

if it is indeed real--

you would
never forgive yourself.

I thought
you said you had a meeting.

Call me.

Love you.

[Hayley groans loudly]

Oh, my God.

Somebody! Something's wrong.

Something is wrong with my baby.

[panting]

Somebody help me!

[groans]