Well,
it'll keep you fit anyway.
And British Rail are having a good morning
after some early cancellations.
Now in a moment, we go
up a thousand feet above.
London's traffic with Brian
Wolfe in the flying eye.
But first, a classic oldie released 20
years ago today.
What do you want?
What's the hack?
Morning, Terence.
Meet Daley's deal.
Daley's deal.
Meet Terence, your new kennel person.
Be careful how you hold that lead.
What?
Now listen, Terence.
This is your actual eye thoroughbred
animal.
And as such, he's either sensitive to any
form of maltreatment or rejection.
I want you to remember that at all times.
And you can forget all this, mate.
Pardon?
I'm not looking after a dog.
A dog?
A dog?
A mongrel's a dog?
This little miracle of
nature is a racing machine,
a greyhound, a prince
among sporting canines.
Listen, it's got four legs, a tail,
and it barks.
It's a dog.
I don't think you quite understand, Terry.
I don't want to understand, Arthur.
You say you got a meet?
Yeah.
Cotchalotelli's off a couple of geezers.
Just got away with the readies.
Okay.
Dave.
What kind of a question was that?
Sorry, Osmo.
Hello, chaps.
You found it, then?
Yeah.
How's it going, Tasty?
All right?
Scratching a few pennies here and there,
you know.
Dave.
A couple of pals of mine.
Fred and Ted.
Pleased to meet you, gents.
What's it gonna be?
Large scotches.
And whatever you want for yourself.
Yeah, I'll get these.
No, no.
Leave off.
I'll do it.
Come on.
Get it off.
Get it off.
What's the matter with you?
Don't you like God's creatures?
Yeah, I love them.
But I don't want one living here sprawling
all over the furniture.
Come on, Fred.
Calm down.
Calm down.
It's just for a few days till I get him
settled in with a train at White City.
White City?
Yeah.
You've got Didlow or something.
That's a top GRA track, innit?
That's where they hold the dog derby.
Yeah.
And he raced a queen there.
That's right.
You ready?
What for?
Trial run.
Come on, Dee Dee.
Same again, Dave.
Then we'll have to split.
This one's on me.
No, no, no.
There you go.
I insist.
Now, listen.
It's your living.
Let me.
OK.
You insist.
What bit of lunacy made you buy a
greyhound?
Well, I didn't buy him.
I took him in lieu.
What, the public, Lou?
No, no.
In lieu of Reddy's.
Paddy Early was into me for
a few quid and couldn't come
up with it, so he let me
have the pick of the litter.
That's why I call him Daily's Deal.
Yeah?
Yeah.
I mean, he was only into me for 200 softs.
And, I mean, the great, great progeny of
Mick the Miller there.
Couple of grand the right way.
Are we talking about the same Paddy Early?
Yeah.
Well-known breeder and trainer of many a
wind forecast combination.
Did he tell you that, did he?
No, this'll do it.
This'll do it.
Stay here.
What?
Now, Terry, unleash him, but restrain him.
Restrain him?
Yeah.
He's sleepwalking now.
How do you expect to get him to run,
Brilliant.
Brilliant.
Right.
Stay there.
Ready?
Yeah, yeah, I'm ready, yeah.
I don't know about him, though.
No, no.
Don't be misled by the intensity of the
concentration, Terry.
He's gonna spring like a panther.
Stand on me.
Ready?
Yeah, I'm ready.
Yeah.
k*ll!
k*ll!
He's still ready.
Well, that'll have to do it, folks.
You've really got to go.
Are you sure?
Yeah.
About the other one.
Him?
What?
No, I mean, the reason you're here.
Sorry, chaps.
Don't worry about Dave.
He's one of your own.
No offence, Dave.
It's just that, you know...
If I didn't cop a daffodil to what went on
here, I wouldn't have any members at all.
See you, Terry.
Yeah, right.
Yeah, take it easy.
See you later, all right?
See you later.
No good hollering and hooting.
We had a deal and that's it.
And you got the bargain.
Bargain?
Bargain?
This animal has narcolepracy.
Not to mention total paralysis of its
upper limbs, namely its legs.
Don't you listen to him, Dee Dee.
Come on, Arthur.
You've only had the bloody thing a few
hours.
Yeah, long enough to recognise certain
movement deficiencies.
Run?
He can't even trot.
The best he can do is walk.
And that's backwards slowly.
That's only cos he ain't had a chance to
get used to you.
It's a proper thoroughbred, innit?
They're highly strong.
You have to give them a bit of time.
Time?
Listen, Paddy.
Down, Fritz!
Arthur, all a dog needs is
a bit of care and attention
and it will be a flying
machine, you take my word.
And if that don't work, tuck a bit of
mustard up its tuckers.
That'll make it shift a bit lively.
Tuck a bit of mustard?
Good grief, Paddy, what are you
suggesting?
What's he feeding it on, Tel?
Tennis ba*ls.
Lookin' forward to this, are ya?
Come on then, son.
Here you go.
Well, that ain't your appetite, is it, Fido?
Steak.
Yeah, steak.
And brown bread.
Brown bread?
Yeah, you know, roughage.
Ruff, ruff.
Hey, I'll tell you something else Paddy
gave me a tip for.
Nothing I have to invest in, I hope.
When the dog is ready to run, just before
the off, you know, a certain attitude...
unspeakable procedure with mustard would
enhance its performance no end,
if you'll get my meaning.
You'd do what?
Half of me off, son.
How's business?
Subject to the usual fluctuations, Tasty.
You?
About the same, about the same.
The usual date, one for yourself and half
for... Tom, that is a large one, Dave.
Of course, sir.
Hey, Tasty, do you know anything about the
vagaries of the sporting canine?
What?
Greyhounds.
Well?
I don't know, some.
A mate of mine's got a couple, he races.
Well, what do you want to know?
Well, I've just acquired one and I want to
know how to make it run.
Well, I could give him a ring,
I suppose, ask him.
Here you go, gents, two large vodkas.
Thank you, Tom.
Yeah, would you?
Yeah.
All right.
There you go.
Go on, then.
Go on, stick.
I'll go.
Come on, then.
Come on.
Yeah, I might be interested.
How many?
Say, 30.
Well, what have they got to come to?
One or a lump?
I'll see what I can do, ring you back.
Blimey, hang on a bit.
Hey, Dave.
Yeah, yeah, cool.
Tom.
Yeah, right.
Listen, there's one thing that might come
in handy.
What is it?
Three.
Three.
Three pounds.
Three pounds.
Nice.
Good start.
Your three.
And another five.
Hello, Charlie.
Ronald.
Keeping you busy, are they?
Things are never exactly slack in this
job, are they?
I don't know.
What, you got a heavy caseload,
have you?
Who hasn't?
Well, I've had a bit of a result this
week, Charlie.
I practically cleared my desk.
And secured a couple of convictions as
well.
Really?
Things are always easier when your
prospects volunteer written confessions.
Ronnie?
Well, as you are up to your ears in it,
I won't keep you, Charlie.
If there is anything you need a bit of
help with, let me know.
Always happy to help out.
Come on.
Did you hear that?
Did you hear that?
Sorry, Gav?
What does that mean?
A bit of help.
Bloody arrogance.
Well, if he says so.
Do you think it'll work?
So Ted says.
He knows a bit about dogs.
That was him in here yesterday with his
partner, Fred.
Yeah.
Seemed like an all right couple.
They ain't for a couple.
They ain't coming round here, though,
are they?
No, no, no.
They're for a moment with the water.
But I've done a few trades with them.
A couple of your own, you know what I
mean?
Well, they seem proper enough.
Which, er, makes me think, Arthur,
you, er...
No, no, no.
You wouldn't be interested.
Interested in what?
Well, when I was on the plough just now
about your dog, Fred happened to mention
he'd, er, got a little parcel on offer.
Yeah, well, look, I'll just get a couple
of drinks, you know.
And what might that be?
Video recorders.
Yeah.
Video recorders.
Terry!
What's the meaning of this?
Meaning of what?
Hello, Tasty.
Hello, Terry.
Pedigree racing round in a place like
this?
We ain't fussy.
Should have seen what we fancied in the
park.
Give us half.
Coming up.
What you fancied?
You haven't been letting this animal drain
his natural energy, have you?
But he don't even know what his legs are
for, let alone the other.
Calls a serious setback in his training
schedule.
I suppose that cigar's not going to do him
any harm, though?
Is that it?
Yeah.
That's it.
Is it?
Well, he's got nice eyes.
Shame about the legs.
Sorry, Tasty.
You were, saying something about these
video machines.
Yeah.
You interested?
Well, it depends how many and how much.
Well, they got 30 of them.
They?
Fred and his pal.
They're asking a two of a piece.
I'm not interested.
Don't worry.
I know I can bid them down to one and a
half.
These ain't the cheapest models.
They retire over six in the shops.
I'm interested.
Hold on.
Hold on, what's the history on these video
machines?
What's the what?
History.
Gee, did they know we belong firm?
Unloading his stock before the creditors
move in.
In other words, they're rookie.
No, no, not really.
It's like bankrupt stock that's innocently
sold off before the receiver steps in.
It's right, isn't it, Arthur?
Yeah, perfectly normal business procedure.
I mean, all your respectable defaulters do
it.
Yeah.
So who are these two pals of yours,
then?
Dave knows them.
Yeah, Dave, here a minute.
You all right, old cash customers?
Yes, I do.
Well, of course I'm interested.
Tell me more.
When is this going off?
But you will let me know, won't you?
Well, it had better be right, because I've
got to tell you, you're
well overdue, my son.
Well overdue, if you take my meaning.
You know how to get in touch.
Good news has come.
Could be Jews.
Dave?
What?
Nothing.
Nothing?
Just wondering, like, you know.
That happened to be a personal informant
of mine who's been intelligent enough to
give me some interesting intelligence about
a little firm knocking out bent videos.
Northern, do we?
No, not yet.
We will.
We will.
We will.
Did he have anything useful to whisper in
your ear, Dinka?
If he's right, Mellish,
more than useful, more
than useful, this could
be a bloody big coup.
Yeah.
Yes.
This could mean I should be nicking the
bold Arthur Daly and his crony,
Terry McCann, bang to rights in a very
serious criminal exercise.
You don't think he's sick or something,
do you?
Well, you know what Paddy said,
he's homesick.
I mean, he'd tell you himself if he could
talk.
He can't talk at all, can he?
Not if he's got no woof to his mouth.
Please, Terry, jokes in bad taste are not
good for his morale.
You never know, it might make him run
away.
He'll run.
I have something in here that will bring
about a devastating turn of poor.
What's that, a large economy jar of
Coleman's, is it?
It's OK, it's a Palomar.
All right?
Yeah, I've fixed up a meet.
He shouldn't be too long.
You're meeting him here?
Yeah.
I don't see why this little bit of business
should interfere with Dee
Dee's trading schedule.
You sure you know what you're getting into
with this video deal?
Yeah, they want to sell, I want to buy it.
What's the problem?
You don't know the geezers, they could be
anybody.
Well, Tasty's done business with them.
Yeah, well, I've always had him down as a
bit slippery and all.
Nah, that's just his way.
Anyway, Dave says they're proper people.
What, on a strength of one drink?
Look, what are you worrying about?
What am I, a mug or something?
What do you mean, he wants a sample?
Well, it shouldn't be a problem, should it?
You're joking, aren't you?
You will try not to mark, damage or abuse
it, Fred, won't you?
Don't worry, Harry, it'll be safe.
Thanks, mate.
Yeah.
Just bring it back in tacto.
Faster, Terry, faster!
I'm going as fast as I bloody can!
Put it in higher gear, then!
It's in the highest gear already!
What?
No, it's bloody ridiculous!
This spool's too small!
Look, it was all ready to spring forth
when you stopped!
Get back on!
No!
What is the matter with you?
DD was all ready for the off!
Listen, if I'd been on the road, I would
have been doing about 100 miles an hour.
Yeah?
That's stupid, that thing.
It should be the same size as the wheel.
I told you that before we started.
That is just your excuse.
It's your... Give me strength.
Well, somebody better.
Hey, the bloke shall meet him.
Yeah.
No, you must have misheard me.
I said a motorbike, didn't I?
I'm here for a motorbike.
It's obvious, isn't it?
Sorry, Arthur.
Got it a bit wrong.
That bike with the special fixtures put me
back 38 sobs.
And now you tell me you got it wrong.
Well, it don't matter.
Nothing's gonna make this run.
Yeah, some of them can be like that.
Bloody Paddy.
I reckon he knew.
Really?
Well, lads, how about our bit of business?
Yeah, right.
Er...
Tasty says you want a view of the goods
before...
Yeah, yeah, no disrespect, Fred,
but I like to do things proper.
You do understand?
Of course, Arthur.
Wouldn't be right to part with any wedge
until he's seen what he gets.
Exactly.
Want to have a look at it here?
Here?
We've got one tucked in the boot.
Yeah, all right.
Yeah, it looks like the business.
What do you reckon, Terry?
It's all right, I suppose.
I don't know.
I thought Tasty was having 10.
Er, I had to stick some dough into
something else, Arthur.
I only take five.
If you want the rest...
Well, I tell you what, make them a one or
a piece and I'll take them.
No, forget it.
I mean, we've got to get a bit out of it,
haven't we?
I thought you said he'd agree to price.
Yeah.
That's what I thought.
Come on, Fred.
I ain't being pissed around like this.
Bernie said he'd take half of them,
and for what we're asking.
Yeah, you're right.
Still want yours, don't you?
Yeah.
Yeah, right, we'll sort it out later.
Now, hang on, chaps, don't let's be hasty.
I'm sure we can come to a compromise on
this price.
How about one and a quarter?
Excuse us a minute, will you?
Yeah.
What are you doing, Arthur?
It's going to make me look a right mug,
ain't it?
Don't be soppy-tasty.
I'm doing you a favour.
They'll think I'm a right mug if I don't
bid, won't they?
If you want my opinion, I think you ought
to forget the old bleeding thing.
Yeah, well, we don't want your opinion.
I think when it comes to business
decisions, I make them.
Yeah?
What, like the double-srew deal you did
with Paddy earlier?
No, no, don't worry.
You will be paying a visit to Paddy.
Will I?
Yeah.
Make it 135 a lump and they're yours.
OK.
Did you see him then, Gav?
I did, yes.
They'll be at it tonight, and so will we.
Not much to go on his head, though.
Couple of Christian names, no
descriptions.
No matter.
It's a bonus.
Guess who the buyer is.
Right.
Tar very much.
The result, Gav.
The right result.
Daly and McCann are as good as holding
hands on the exercise yard in the scrubs.
Right.
When are we moving then, Gav?
Have you got somewhere to go?
As soon as we're sure they've got the
gear.
When does Arnie want the van back?
I said any time in the morning would be
all right.
Listen, why didn't you get them just to
deliver straight round to the lock-up?
They haven't got suitable transport.
No, we meet them at the boozer with Tasty,
and then we collect from their geezer.
You sure this is kosher?
How can it not be, Terry?
That's it, over there.
Cheers.
Cheers.
You sure he'll show?
Course he will.
Love's a deal, Arthur, don't you?
Can
you imagine Charlie
Chisholm's face when I walk
into the station with
both Daly and McCann?
Honourably.
There'll be one up on Sergeant Rightcutt.
If you collar them, what'll they do?
What do you mean, if?
If you've got us nicked.
Right, shall we get going then?
No point in all of us schlepping round
then.
You take Terry to pick up the parcel.
We'll dwell here till he gets back.
That all right with you, Arthur?
Certainly, Fred, yeah, certainly.
Tasty?
That suits me.
As long as we don't have to hang around
too long.
I've got some other business this evening.
Right, off you go then.
All right.
No, no, no, no.
Come on, off.
Let me finish my bleeding drink first.
Must be one of them with McCann Noga.
Don't get overexcited, Jones.
They'll be back.
Lovely.
Take long, won't it?
Well, we've got time for a few more
drinks.
Yeah.
Darling.
Thought you said it was just up the road.
Don't worry, it ain't much further.
God, I hate these places.
That's where he lives.
Yeah, first floor, number 10.
You might as well keep an eye on the van
while I go and get him.
I won't be long.
I thought you said they wouldn't be long.
I can't hang about, you know.
In fact, I shouldn't be here now.
Yeah, well, they've got a cl*t of gears,
don't they?
Get round to his warehouse and load up.
Takes a bit of time, doesn't it?
Yeah.
Yeah, but, listen, Arthur, you don't mind
if I slip, do you?
No, not at all.
But what about... I'll
weigh in with my bit now.
Then I'll call round and pick up my stuff
from your lock-up room.
You can leave the van tomorrow,
if you don't mind.
No, no, that's fine, but don't
you want to, no, no, no.
Give it to Arthur, too.
That way we keep everything proper,
you know.
OK.
Yeah.
I'll see you then.
Yeah.
Tomorrow.
Right.
By the way, can you shift those TVs
I've got here?
No problem.
Went the same day.
See you then.
Me and Ted have got a meet as well.
I hope they ain't gonna be much longer.
Stand in an arm's holder.
What's he bloody doing back on his own?
I don't know.
Do you think we ought to make a move now,
Dov?
No.
Why not?
Because what would be the point without
the evidence?
Critting.
Hello?
Sorry to bother you.
Can I have a word with Ted, please?
Ted who?
Ted.
He just came up here.
About my own?
Fair curly hair.
I think you've got the wrong flat.
Ain't no fair curly hair bloke here.
Well, I don't know.
In fact, there ain't no blue here.
No, he definitely said number 10.
Well, you're certainly welcome to come in
and look around.
Well, maybe some other time?
Sorry about that.
Hey, what's the matter?
You prejudiced or something?
Puncture?
Yeah, about a mile up the road.
It was a front tyre as well.
I thought we was gonna smash into this
post box.
But we didn't.
Everything's all right, innit?
I mean, it won't damage
none of the... No, no, no.
They're all right.
Mind, I'm glad Plod weren't about to make
fun of us.
He was having a bit of ag fix in the spare,
so I jumped in a cab to let you know.
In case anyone was wondering where we
were.
Mind you, it's a bleeding nuisance.
We're supposed to be over the other place
about now.
Yeah, you're right.
Hey, but what about... It's okay.
We'll jump in a motor and drop you off at
Terry in the van.
All right.
I'll just finish this.
What about the...
Yeah.
I nearly forgot.
You got the dough, Arthur?
Dough?
You know, for the... Yeah, yeah.
It's all here.
Well, give us it then and let's get going.
What, give it to you now?
Would you want to
stand in the middle of the
street checking a parcel
for that count of money?
No, no, of course not.
But I think I'll hang on to the
red dies until I've seen... Do what?
Take it easy, Ted.
Don't start.
Don't start?
Don't start?
I didn't want to knock him out to him in
the first place.
All right, all right.
All right, nothing.
I've been running around like a loon,
umping the bleeding gear.
No, sod him.
Let's flog him to Burnie, like I said,
and we'll make more for our end.
Okay, okay.
Look, you get yourself a drink and me and
Arthur will be back in a minute.
Come on, Arthur.
Come on, where?
Where is best public?
Sorry about that, Arthur.
Ted's as good as gold,
really, but he can get a bit
violent if he thinks
people are taking liberties.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to upset him.
Funny, you wouldn't think to look at him,
but he m*rder*d a geezer once.
m*rder*d?
Yeah.
But he had a result.
Got it reduced to manslaughter.
Only ended up getting a five.
Why?
Look, um, it's not that I don't trust you
or understand, but, just to keep him
happy, if you want to just let me check
the dough.
Yeah, yeah, of course.
He'd put it like that.
And why not?
Only if you're sure.
Listen, Fred.
I don't trust you, Ted.
We don't trust.
There'd be no trading, would there?
There's Tasty's bit, and there's mine.
I'm sure we'll find this all out.
I'm sure it is, Arthur.
Look, I just want to take a quick look.
Yeah, I'll be out in a minute, sure.
All right, all right.
Hello.
no, wait till they come out.
I've been cornered, Terry.
The b*stards have cornered me.
It's only four grand.
I told you I'd never...
I told you so.
I want them found.
I want their bodies damaged and
brutalized.
I want my money back.
Right.
Go!
Now!
Now!
You fleeting idiot!
Right, cop.
What in God's name are you doing here?
What am I doing here?
I am on surveillance.
So am I.
I was just in the process of nicking these
two.
And so was I.
Mr Chisholm, Mr Rycott, do you need a
witness?
Never mind all that, Daly.
You are both nicked.
Nick?
What for?
Wait a minute, Rycott.
This is my collar, if you don't mind.
It is not.
You've been watching them all evening.
So are we.
Open up the back of this van.
Hey, hold on.
Hold on.
What are you all talking about?
Hold on.
Hey, do you mind?
As a matter of fact, I do.
Anything we can assist you gentlemen with?
It's always the same these days.
You can't trust anyone, not even your
so-called friends.
I don't know why you're having a go at me,
Arthur.
It's not my fault you got cornered.
You vouchsafed their credentials.
You said they were proper people.
I just said they were a
couple of your own who
didn't mind putting their
hands in their pockets.
If you ask me, it's tasty you ought to be
having a word with.
Don't worry.
I've got Terry out looking for him now.
That's cool.
How's the wonder doggy?
I'm sick.
We're about to see him.
Beep, beep.
Oi!
Terry.
Yeah?
Just on my way round to Arthur's lock-up
to pick up me a bit of gear.
Good, cos I'm gonna work with you.
What about?
What about?
I'm talking about three grand's worth of
non-existent videos that you sold Arthur.
Non-existent?
What are you talking about?
Just getting a motor?
Oi, are you telling me you didn't collect?
Just getting a motor?
You must be maltreating him somehow.
Maltreating him?
This dog of dogs has had more steak stuck
in him than Dracula.
Overfeeding it, then?
Listen, this animal you foisted on me will
not run.
It is immobile.
This is a stationary dog.
Well, I don't understand.
It ran from me.
Perhaps that is because you were prepared
to do unspeakable things to its...
nether regions.
I personally am not
prepared to subject myself or
this miserable beast to
such a distasteful ordeal.
So what do you want to do?
Not what I want to do.
It's what I'm doing.
I'm backing it.
In what race?
I am backing it whence it came.
To this knackered yard.
What am I supposed to do with it?
I don't care.
Teach it to lay down, play dead.
That shouldn't be difficult.
I want my 200 sovs.
Fancy a cup of tea?
Aye, aye.
My.
Bloody fiasco that turned out yesterday,
John?
The way Chisholm's going off, I think it
was my bloody fault.
Yeah, well, it's not my governor after all
to explain to you the DI.
My life's a misery without a man.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
Well, it's not too jolly.
Just between you and me, Frank,
who was it who ready-eyed it for you?
Well, just between me and you,
John, if I had told you that.
And Chisholm got to know.
Well, I'd be back in the Three Valleys.
Don't let him traffic.
I swear, Arthur, my eyesight.
I'm just as gutted as you are.
I can't believe they could have done this.
There must be some explanation.
There is.
You bloody set me up.
Us up, you mean?
Come off it.
I've done my dough as well.
Money I trusted you to look after for me.
Yet, if anyone should have the ump around
here, it should be me with you.
It him, Terry.
It him several times, all over the place.
That's not going to be necessary, is it?
No, no, no.
Look, Arthur, let's try and be reasonable
about this.
Reasonable?
I have done three
and a half grand in cold
down to you introducing
me to them reptiles.
I want it back.
Well, don't you think I want my bit back?
Never mind all that crap.
Where can we find these merchants?
Well, I only know where they drink.
Right, Tasty, let's go.
Get in the back.
Go?
Go where?
Where your mates drink.
And if I get my money back, I might even
let you buy me one.
Go on, get in the back.
Go on.
Staggering.
Worthy of the deepest contempt.
Bloody farcical.
An exercise of mind-boggling ineptitude.
What the hell do you think you both were
doing?
Well, as I have explained in my report,
sir...
All you have explained,
Sergeant Rycott, is a
remarkable aptitude for
ignoring police procedure.
Well, actually, sir...
The same goes for you, Chisholm.
Well, sir, if I...
Haven't we got enough real villains
running around this division free without
you wasting valuable police
property and time on independent
crusades after petty suspect
characters like Daly and McCann?
With all due respect, sir, if that information
had proved correct... But it wasn't.
Was it?
Well, no, sir.
And who are these
mysterious informers whose
identities you both
seem at pains to hide?
Actually, sir...
The days of police officers
keeping the identities
of their own pet grasses
to themselves are over.
Do I make myself clear?
Absolutely, sir.
Yes, of course, sir.
Actually, mine was anonymous, sir.
Yes, so was mine, sir.
So was mine.
Frankly, Jones, I'm getting a bit tired of
your ineptitude.
Me, what have I done?
Well, not enough.
Not nearly enough.
Do what you tell me to do.
Well, exactly.
There's no drive, no ambition,
no initiative.
It's all left to me.
Aye, aye.
Gave you a hard time, did he, Gav?
What?
Er, the tea I like, you know.
Gave you a hard time.
Sorry, John, boy.
You are friendly with Rycot's DC menace,
are you, nut?
Yes, we do have the occasional drink
together, but...
It's entirely beyond your ability to find
out what Rycot and Menace are up to in the
future and help by putting me in the
picture.
Did you glean anything from Jones?
Not a lot.
Like what is Chisholm's Grass called?
Like what is their next move?
Well, he's very loyal to his governor,
actually, Gav.
So, er, what's our next move?
Find that bloody Grass
of mine and try and
discover what the hell
went boss-eyed yesterday.
We've been here long enough.
Where are they?
How do I know, Arthur?
Normally, you're near every day.
This is ridiculous.
Look, if you've got a bit of business
to do, how do you contact them?
I've got a number, haven't I?
Well, why didn't you say so?
There's only certain times of the day you
can ring it.
Might be all right now.
Come on, get on.
What number is it?
That one.
Write that down.
Good thinking, Terry.
Two six.
No answer.
What now?
I'm bursting for a leak.
Go with him.
No, no, no, it's all right.
There are no windows he can slip out of in
there.
You sure?
Listen, listen, we can't keep hold of him
indefinitely, can we?
No.
So why don't we just let him sh**t off
and I'll follow him a bit cunningly, right?
See if he is stitching this up or not.
Well, he likes a bet, does he?
What about that shop he generally uses?
Spare me your credulous suggestions,
Jones, please.
I think our best bet is to sit off outside
his drum and wait until he shows.
Then I'll give him the moody phone call to
the telephone box.
He well stood it, didn't he?
Done him like a kipper.
Yeah, well, you want to stay convinced if
you don't want to spank him off that Terry.
I understand he's a bit useful.
What are you going to say to him?
Can we meet at a place of your
convenience?
And can I have my money back, please?
They're long gone, Arthur.
Dave, your positive pessimism is a
constant source of comfort to me.
Well, maybe, Terry.
You'll get lucky.
I sincerely hope so.
I'll never be able to hold my head up on
the manor again if they get away with it.
The cat's about.
You leaving?
Don't want to.
Got to.
Webbed up with her indoors.
Staying overnight with the in-laws.
They all give me strength.
If Terry shows, I'll be back in the
morning.
All right, Jenny.
Drive carefully.
I'll have three.
I'll have three.
Your three.
And another five.
Yeah, we'll go and have a nap.
Charlie, what are you doing here?
What are you doing with this man,
Rycott?
Well, I don't suppose it matters very much
now, Charlie, but this is my grass.
Tasty Timp.
No, he's not.
He's mine.
I can explain everything.
It's the truth, Mr Chisholm.
Mr Rycott.
May I never see my poor sick mother again.
Alone in her wheelchair at the old folks'
home.
Look, it wasn't my fault.
The geezer with the videos didn't show.
I mean, how was I supposed to know that
would happen?
It still doesn't explain how
you gave this officer here the
same information as you gave
me without telling either of us.
Mr Chisholm means, Tasty, you gave us that
false information separately.
That is what I said.
That is what I said.
Thus occasioning a very serious waste of
my valuable time.
And mine.
And... Not to mention causing Mr
Chisholm to crash his motor car into mine.
What?
What?
It was you who crashed into me.
Look, Mr Rycott, Mr Chisholm, be fair.
Put yourselves in my position.
You both of you put the frighteners on me
at the same time to come up with something.
Well, when this thing turned up,
I thought, do them both a favour.
You know, what was I supposed to do?
I'll tell you what I'm going to do.
I'm going to give you one last chance to
come up with a result.
And soon.
Otherwise you're going to be in serious
trouble, my son.
I shall personally see to that.
Hello, chaff.
What are you doing here without Mr
Chisholm on your arm?
Don't mention that name.
I'll have a large scotch, please, Dave.
Followed quickly by another one.
Not that, is it?
Yeah!
And that's not all I have to put up with.
See?
Do you know something?
No, what's that?
I suppose you know what happened.
I suppose you know what happened with
Arthur and Taffy.
Yeah, I understand they had a bit of aggro
with your lot.
Some sort of mistakes, I heard.
Mistake?
Mistake is from the word for it.
This is strictly between me and you,
Dave.
Strictly between you and me.
Taff, I am well known for my discretion.
You're joking.
I'm not.
Totally legless, apparently.
Dave had to bung him in a cab.
Then he phoned me and told me what
happened.
It's quite funny if you think about it,
isn't it?
Tasty having them both over.
That's not funny, Terry.
Back at night, the little ratbags had us
all over.
And according to what
Jones let slip to Dave,
he's being pressured
to put us on offer again.
Yeah, and his two pals... I
want to see him in intensive care.
What?
Well, you can bet that his two corner
artist mates don't know he's a wrong'un.
Well, who cares what happens to them?
After I get my money back, that is.
Which reminds me...
We can use it, can't we?
Use what?
Here we go.
Come here, sunshine!
It's all right, Terry.
Either I break your
arm or I break his legs
or you give Arthur
back his dough, all right?
Don't get excited.
We can sort this out without getting
physical.
Can we?
You look ill, Jones.
Well, I hope you're
not going to use that as
an excuse for being
four hours late on duty.
We all hustle for a living, Arthur.
No hard feelings, I hope.
It ain't nothing personal.
All right, Terry.
We're eating chin um now.
Shut up.
You've got your dough, ain't you?
What?
Listen, there's something you two ought to
know.
I think we ought to have a little
discussion.
Tasty of grass.
Not only did he set
Arthur and me up with you
two, now he intends to
set us all up to be nicked.
Well, we'd better do something about that
then.
Fred?
Right.
Well, what's my part in it, then?
Well, Fred's gone to get the mug now.
All you have to do is stand the van with a
bit of gear.
Yeah.
Fred and I turn up with a mug,
and we do the usual.
Show him the gear, agree a price,
and, er, well, you know.
Like we've done with Arthur.
Right.
Go on, get in.
That's what she said, I guess.
And what did you say your name was?
Well, that don't matter, does it?
Thing is, Tasty asked me to pass on this
message cos he couldn't get to her phone.
Yeah, and, er, he said, could you pass
this message on to Sergeant Rycock, is it?
Yeah, he said something about...
keep him in the picture.
Said you'd know what he meant.
But aren't you going to tell Mr Rycock,
Gav?
Why should I?
Do you think he'd tell me?
Sergeant Rycock.
Yes.
I see.
Yeah, and he said,
er, could you pass this
message on to, er,
Sergeant Chisholm, is it?
Yeah, that's right.
Well, I think... Don't think, Mellish.
It's out of character.
And besides, I can't tell him if he's not
here, can I?
Mr Chisholm, what are you doing here?
What are you doing here?
Where are the others, and what,
may I ask, are these?
Well, er...
Gav?
What?
Well, well, Charlie, what a coincidence.
I don't believe this.
Where's Daly and McCann?
What?
Now, look... I don't know how you come to
be here, Charlie, but... My name is Albert!
Well, come on, what happened then?
They had another bloody rack about who was
going to nick Tasty.
Once it was discovered the TVs were bent,
like.
Mind, don't ever let on I've told you all
this.
Chisholm would crucify me.
Don't worry, Taff, your secret's safe with
us.
God, can't you picture their faces?
They weren't too pleased, I can tell you.
Yeah, well, just between us, Taff.
Did they suss that someone we might know
set them up?
What do you bloody think?
Nothing they can do about it, though,
is there?
No!
Excuse me, got to phone the governor.
Cheap old Charlie.
His name's Albert.
It gets better, doesn't it?
Go, Paddy.
Jonesy.
Arthur.
Paddy, you come to give me my tour?
Yes, I have, Arthur.
And I'll buy you a drink.
What?
Yeah, you did me a right favour,
giving me that dog back.
Yeah.
Turned out it was only suffering with some
sort of virus.
Just won a Grade A race at the White City.
Flew in.
Nearly broke the track record.
Trainer reckons he'll turn out to be a
likely derby prospect this year.
Terry.
Idiot.
Where's he running next, and when?
Terence.
If you want to, I'll change the situation.
I'll change the situation.
If you want to, I'll change the situation
Turn it around and get your willy.
Wear a headband.
And if you buy anything... Ten.
I'll be so good for you.
I'll be so good for you.
I'll do it like you want me to.
Do it like you want me to.
There ain't nothing I can't go through.
I'll be so good for you.
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