02x11 - Dating

[bunniefuu]

♪ The new boy
in the neighborhood ♪

♪ Lives downstairs
and it's understood ♪

♪ He's there just to take
good care of me ♪

♪ Like he's one
of the family ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ Of our days and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ Of our wrongs
and our rights ♪

♪ And I see, I want ♪

♪ Charles in charge of me ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ Of our days and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ Of our wrongs
and our rights ♪

♪ And I see, I want ♪

♪ I want Charles
in charge of me ♪♪

♪♪

Hello, Irene?

It's Walter.

I got the reservation.

Well, a nice, quiet table
in the corner,

a little wine,
a little candlelight.

Okay, Irene, I'll pick you up
tomorrow night.

Seven o'clock.

Toodle-loo!

What're you doing here?

Uh, sodas, I just came in
to get some sodas.

You listen to me.
Nobody in the family,

is to hear one word about that
phone call, do you understand?

What phone call?
I-I didn't hear a thing.

Okay, you stick to that story.
We'll get along fine.

So, where are you and Irene
going for dinner?

Who?

Nobody.

I meant, where are you
not going to dinner,

with nobody named Irene?

Charles, I want a loyalty oath.
Raise your right can.

Repeat after me,

I won't tell anyone in the
family about Mr. Powell's date.

I won't tell anyone in the
family about Mr. Powell's date.

Okay, I'm taking her to dinner
at The Golden Fleece.

- Oh.
- She's a widow,

so I imagine we'll
spend the night,

talking about her dead husband.

It's no big deal.

Then why is it a secret?

It's a secret because...

[whispering]
My family doesn't know.

[whispering]
Why don't you tell them?

Because!
It's a secret!

Why doesn't that
make sense to me?

Why am I whispering?

Who are you whispering to?

Oh, uh, Mr. Powell
just told me a secret.

Is Mr. Powell here now,
Charles?

Yeah, Buddy, he's sitting right
here with the Three Stooges.

He just told me
a secret and split.

Oh, so, what's the secret?

I can't tell you.

Well, you're not a member
of the family.

Of course I am!
The Powells love me!

I'm as much a member
of this family as they are!

Well, in that case,
I definitely can't tell you.

I promised not to tell anybody
in the family.

Charles, I'm not really
a member of the family.

I'm lying! Come on!
I hardly know these people!

It is hopeless.
I just wasn't meant to be chic.

I am going to go back
to my old boring hair.

Mom, you're only going
to a show with Fran.

Yes, but she's going to be
spending the whole day tomorrow

at the beauty salon
with Mr. Beverly.

She will be all decked out
in the latest styles,

and I will be wearing
"The Look That Time Forgot."

You wanna be really current?

Shave the right side
of your head.

Thank you, Jamie.
Children are such a comfort.

Darn! When your father's away,

I hardly ever get a chance
to go out,

and when I finally do,

I cannot remember
even how to fix myself up.

Sarah, don't you have
something to ask Mom?

Yeah, Mom.

I want to...

Why don't you wear a hat?

Why don't I just wear
a bag on my head?

I am going to find a way to
look terrific tomorrow night,

even if it kills me!

Sure.

She's going out.
It's not fair.

Mom doesn't even know
you want to go out.

You didn't ask her.

I couldn't.

I expect her to say "no,"
so she'll say "no,"

so what's the use?

Sarah, timing is everything.

It's not what you ask,
it's when you ask it.

Mom's so distracted right now,
she'd say "yes" to anything.

Now is the perfect time!
Go, go, go!

I can't.

I'm gonna talk to Charles.
He'll think of something.

Charles can't help you.

I can.

I'm an expert
at mother manipulation.

Learn to trust me, Sarah.

Think of all the good advice
I've given you in the past.

Charles!

Psychology, it's...

...beyond me.

The mind is a mysterious thing.

There's nothing
mysterious about it.

Nobody does anything
without a reason.

Except, possibly, Mr. Powell.

There you go again!

Are you gonna tell me
his secret or not?

Okay.

Alright.

Raise your right hand
and repeat after me.

Come on, raise your right hand
and repeat after me.

I swear I won't laugh.

[giggling]

- Say it.
- I-I swear I won't laugh.

And I won't tell anybody in the
family what I'm about to hear.

And I won't tell anybody in the
family what I'm about to hear.

Okay.

Mr. Powell has a date.

[laughing]

- With a woman?
- No, with a duck.

I'm sorry, I just can't
picture him on a date.

[giggling]

You know what's weird?

His wife passed away
six years ago.

There's no reason for him
not to have a date.

Now, why doesn't he want
the family to know?

The mind is a mysterious thing.

Will you stop saying that?

Now, the mind may be
devious and complicated,

and in your case,
bent beyond recognition,

but it is not
a mysterious thing.

Charles, Sarah has a problem,

and I think you should
talk to Mom about it.

[German accent]
Hm, vell, vat is dee problem?

Barry Lindquist asked Sarah
to go to the movie with him
after school tomorrow.

That's not a problem.
It's a date.

[chuckling]

Sarah says an afternoon movie
is not a date,

but Mom will think
it is a date,

and Sarah is not allowed
to date until she's 14,

so, if you really care
about Sarah,

you'll talk to Mom.

Who sent you in here?

Wait a second.

Who sent me in here?

Nobody.

Sarah.

Charles, you've got
to help me, please!

Ugh...

Sarah...

The mind is a mysterious thing.

I wouldn't say that.

Now, one thing we do know
is that human beings,

have the ability to reason,

and your mom is the most
human being I know.

Good. Go reason with her.

No, no, it would sound better
coming from you.

- You really think so?
- I know so.

You can't miss, Sarah.
Your mom is gonna say "yes."

No!

Forget it!
No dates!

It's not a date!

Boy plus girl plus movie
equals date.

Next year, you can date.

Mom, you're not
being reasonable.

Sarah, sweetheart,
I am being very reasonable.

Listen.

You go to a movie.

It lets out late
in the afternoon.

Then you slowly walk home.

It's almost dark.

Then it is dark!
You're not home!

Anything could've happened!
I will be out tomorrow night!

I won't even be here
when the police call!

Sarah, sweetheart,
you can't put me through this!

♪♪

Charles, I need to...

Oh, hello, Limpluck.

My name is Lembeck, sir,
but you can call me "Buddy."

Yeah, well, my name is Walter,

and you can call me
long distance.

I need to talk to Charles
in private.

Mr. Powell, I can keep
a secret, too.

You told him.

- Yes, sir, but Buddy's...
- You don't know how
unhappy that makes me.

But I'm not a member
of the family.

You don't know how happy
that makes me.

Alright, as long as
you're in on it.

What do you think?

Gee, that's incredible.
How'd it happen?

I decided to wear a blue suit,

so I chose this tie
to add some color.

You're gonna wear that
on your date,

- tomorrow night?
- Shhh!

You didn't tell
anyone else did you?

No, I kept my word.
No one in the family knows.

Mr. Powell, why don't you just
tell the family about the date?

You don't understand.

I haven't had a date
in over 40 years!

I mean, what would
Ellen and the kids think?

I think they'll be
very happy for you.

No, no, no.

Thanks a lot, Charles.

I asked Mom,
she said "no!"

- What's wrong?
- It's a long story.

Oh, in that case,
what do you think of the tie?

Well...

I think it makes
a real fashion statement.

It does?
What does it say?

It says,
"Hey, look at me, I'm a tie!"

Perfect!

But just remember,
mum's the word.

Shhh!

That was a very mysterious guy.

Alright, that's it.
I quit for today.

Let's finish tomorrow night.

Oh, Charles,
I can't tomorrow night.

I have a date
with Linda Ashton,

the most appealing girl
on campus.

Wait, last week
you said she was a tr*mp.

You don't find that appealing?

[telephone rings]

[telephone rings]

Hello?

Oh, hi, Fran!

Oh, no.
[stammering]

Does that mean that you
can't go to the play with me?

Oh...

No, I'll find
somebody else to go.

Don't worry about me,
I'll be just fine.

You take care
of that cold, okay?

Okay, buh-bye.

[scoffs]

Hi, Charles.
[gasp]

Charles! Ooh!
Charles!

I have got third row
center seats,

to Andrew Lloyd Webber's
new Broadway show.

Now, I was supposed
to go with Fran,

but she's not feeling well.

Dad hates stage plays.

I don't want to miss it,
but I hate to go by myself,

so, would you?

- Go with you?
- Yeah.

Are you kidding, Mrs. Powell?
In a flash!

I've been dying to see this
play ever since it opened!

[whispering] Boy plus girl
plus show equals date!

Mom has a date with Charles?

Come on, let's go tell Jamie.

Oh, uh, by the way,
Mrs. Powell.

I'm the one who told Sarah
to ask you,

if she could go out
with that boy.

Oh, don't worry
about it, Charles.

The date can wait
'til next year.

Date? What date?

- We're talking about Sarah.
- Sarah?

She's too young
to be going on a date!

Well, the way I hear it,
she's not going on a date.

Charles! I thought you were
on my side!

Sarah, this has nothing
to do with Charles.

I am sorry, but you are not
going to go on a date!

Mom, I'm not talking
about a date.

Good!

Because you're
not going on a date.

Date?

A-As far as I know, I'm the
only one that has a date!

I may never have a date.

Don't worry, Adam,
you'll have plenty of dates.

You're all obsessed!

Can we talk about something
besides dating?

I swear, you're gonna end up
like those people on "Dynasty."

Riddled with confusion,
unhappiness, amnesia.

Let's change the subject, okay?

It's okay with me.

Dad, listen, Charles and I
are going out tomorrow night,

so I was hoping maybe you
would stay with the kids?

- Tomorrow night?
- The play's tomorrow night?

- Tomorrow night, yes.
- Uh...

- Charles?
- Oh...

I-I just remembered,
I can't go!

Who will take care
of the children?

Well, I just asked Dad.
Weren't you listening?

Yes, but you can't do that.

- He can't do that.
- Why can't you do that, Dad?

Charles, why can't I do that?

- Well, i-it'd be too risky.
- Uh, right!

Right, uh, Mr. Powell
might be, uh...

Called back to active duty!

There you go.
There could be a w*r.

Charles, if you don't want
to go with me, just say so.

I do wanna go.
It's just that I can't.

I-It wouldn't be right.

- It would be wrong, right?
- Right!

Wrong!

Charles, is there
something on your mind?

M-M-Mind! Yes!

Charles is very worried
about his psychology exam.

That's true!

Woo, I'm just cracking
under the pressure.

Ironic, isn't it?

Being driven crazy
by a psychology test.

It's okay, Charles.
I understand.

[Ellen scoffs]

Well, goodnight!

Now nobody has a date!

You've gotta do something,
Charles!

Charles, my mother
is depressed!

Do something!

Yeah, Charles,
do something!

Charles, whatever you do,
don't do anything!

Wanna go do something?

♪♪

♪♪

- Mr. Powell.
- What?

Mr. Powell...
[clears throat]

I think...

What ... I-I think you should...

What I'm trying to say is...

Charles, say what
you have to say,

and don't beat around the bush.

That's what I
was gonna tell you!

Oh, well, thank you.

You're welcome!

Hi, Dad.
Hello, Charles.

Hi!

- Did you have a nice day?
- Yeah, it was pretty good.

Oh, Dad, there's something
I wanted to ask you.

Huh?

I know how much you hate plays,

but since Charles
is staying home,

I'd love it if you'd
go with me tonight.

Tonight?

Well, I may be able to,
and then again, I may not.

Let's just say I don't know,

and I'm not quite sure
when I will know,

so we better not.

Okay, I get it.

It's pretty difficult
to find an escort around here.

Maybe I should put an ad
in the newspaper.

Mr. Powell.

You beat around the bush.

Look, I promised I wouldn't
tell anyone in the family,

- about your date, and I won't.
- Uh-huh.

But I really wish you would.

[telephone rings]

I'll get it.
I'll get it.

[telephone rings]

Powell residence.

Oh, hello.

What?

Oh, no, no.

I understand.

Of course.

Goodbye.

That was Irene.

Apparently, her daughter
is flying in from Chicago,

so the date's off.

Oh, no, that's terrible!

Strange kid.

Hey, ladies, great news!
Everything's gonna be alright!

You mean I get to go to the
movie with Barry Lindquist?

No!

I mean,
that's up to your mother.

- What's up to their mother?
- Oh, Mrs. Powell, great news!

Remember all that studying
I've been doing for my
psychology test?

Well, it just kicked in.

So, if you still want me
to take you to the play,

I'm available!

That's great!
Okay!

[knocking at door]

- Hey, Charles! Guess what?
- Hey! What?

[telephone ringing]

- [Walter] Got it!
- Alright!

- Yeah?
- I cancelled my date
with Linda,

so if you wanna take
Mrs. Powell to the play,

I can stay with the kids.

Oh, no, why did you do that?

Well, because you're
my best friend.

Yeah, but you didn't have to.

Mr. Powell doesn't have
a date now.

I cancelled my date for
nothing? Why did I do that?

Well, because I'm
your best friend.

Pretty flimsy reason, Charles.

I gotta find Linda before she
makes any other plans.

- Ch... Charles.
- Yeah?

That was Irene on the phone!
Her daughter missed the plane!

She won't be in until tomorrow,
so my date's on for tonight!

Mum's the word!

Mum's not the word.
Dead is the word!

I just told Mrs. Powell that...

- You told her about my date?
- No!

Oh, good.
You're a true friend, Charles.

Keep it that way.

Charles!

Is this dress too dressy,
or not dressy enough,

- or just about right?
- Um...

It's just about perfect,
Mrs. Powell, um...

There's only one thing...
I-I-I can't go to the play now.

And why not, Charles?

Well, remember I told you how
all that studying kicked in?

Well, it just kicked out again.

Kicked out again?

I know how that feels.

♪♪

Hey, Charles, I was on my way
over to pick up Linda,

and I wanted you to know
that everything worked out,

so there's no... hard...

feelings. Why aren't you
dressed for the play?

Mr. Powell's date is back on.

My going to the play
is back off.

Mrs. Powell thinks I'm crazy,
and my life is like,

those little things
that float in fish tanks.

Ah, so everything's normal.

Charles, I'm sorry,

but I can't break my date
with Linda again.

I-I-I mean, I could, but...

No, no, no, it's up to
Mr. Powell now.

You know, I think,
deep down inside,

he really wants to tell
the family the truth,

but he's afraid.

Why don't you try
using reverse psychology?

If there was just some way
I could get him to do it.

Okay, don't use
reverse psychology.

I got it!
I'll use reverse psychology!

No, Charles!

Don't use reverse psychology!
It doesn't work!

That's it, I gotta use
reverse psychology.

It works.

- Ah, Mr. Powell!
- Shhh!

- [whispering] What is it?
- I have to tell you something.

Charles, I'm sorry
to put you through all this...

Oh, no, I think you're doing
the right thing

- You do?
- Yeah.

Sneaking out like this
is a great idea!

See, this way the kids'll
never know your secret,

that you're a human being.

- What?
- It's good that they think,

you're completely devoid
of human feelings and emotions,

otherwise, they'd be
hanging all over you,

just loving you to pieces,
and you don't want that,

so, it's right to let them
think that, when you get older,

- you get colder.
- No, Charles...

- Hi, Grandpa.
- Oh, hello.

Ooh, Grandpa, you look great!

Oh, thank you.

There's something I wanna say.

Look, kids,

just 'cause you older,

that doesn't mean you don't
have romantic feelings, huh?

I mean, even though
you're dated,

that doesn't mean you
shouldn't date, you understand?

Who shouldn't date?

I think we were talking
about your date with Charles.

- No.
- That wasn't a date.

That was just two friends
going to a show together.

That's what I was trying
to tell you!

Mine wasn't a date either.

Barry Lindquist
could never be a date.

He hunts muskrats,

and tells you about it.

I mean, I like him,
he's my friend,

but he's not a date.

Just like you and Charles.

Mm, you have a
good point, Sarah.

Alright, you have
my permission.

You can go to the movie
in the afternoon,

with Barry Lindquist,

but no dates until you 14.

Thanks, Mom!

Okay.

Now that that's settled,

can we talk about my date?

- Date!?
- What date!?

Hasn't anyone been
paying attention around here?

I have a damn date! Okay?

Grandpa, you have a date?

Why didn't you tell us?

Well, I-I knew how the children
felt about their grandmother.

Grandma would want you
to go out.

She'd hate the idea of you
being lonely, Grandpa.

Yeah, I guess she would, Jamie.

I loved her very much,
you know. I-I still do.

I guess I was feeling guilty,

about going out
with someone else.

I was afraid that...

Well, that you kids
would be disappointed in me.

Charles,

this is why you couldn't go
to the play with me, isn't it?

I-It's my fault!

I messed up the whole thing.

I-I'm gonna stay home,
and you two go out.

Not a chance!
And break your date?

I have a better idea.

Now, I don't know this woman
that you're taking out,

but if you really want
to impress her,

take here to a Broadway show!

[chuckling] Well, I guess
that would impress her.

No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no.

I can't take those tickets.
You wanted to see the show.

Well... not that bad.

Listen, you take the tickets.

Please.

Thank you, Ellen.

I don't know what to say.

Now, if Barry Lindquist
ever calls me again,

we'll all be happy.

Oh, Sarah, you can hear
about muskrat hunting anytime.

So, tonight, how'd you, uh,
like to go to the movies,

with a mildly attractive
older man, huh?

Thank you, Charles,
but I'm not allowed to date.

No, it wouldn't be a date
if your mom goes.

That's a terrific idea!
Adam, you and I'll go,

and we'll make it
a double non-date,

and Jamie,
you can be the chaperone!

[knocking on door]

- Hey.
- Oh, hi, Buddy!

Excuse me, Charles?

Uh, I postponed my date with
Linda until tomorrow night.

So...

If-If you wanna go
to a play or anything,

I-I can stay with the kids.

Buddy, you know,
you're something else.

As a matter of fact,
we're all going to the movies!

Wanna join us?

- A movie?
- Yeah! What do you say?

- Oh, yeah...
- Great!

Perfect!
Three girls and three boys,

that makes it a
triple non-date!

Mom! Me and Buddy?

Oh, I'm sorry, Jamie.

You wouldn't want
your friends to think,

that you go out with
college men, now would you?

I could live with it.

- Charles.
- Yeah?

Come here.

Thought you'd try and pull, uh,
reverse psychology on me, huh?

- Me, sir?
- Uh-huh.

Not in a million years!

Oh by the way,

don't have a great time
tonight, and, uh,

don't lay a hand on that woman.

Don't wait up for me.

♪♪

Well, w-when there's
a girl you like,

you wanna be with her.

Isn't there somebody
you wanna be with?

Yeah, Marilyn Kelso.

I like her
because she comes across.

Adam, why did you say that?

Well, Marilyn Kelso lives on
the other side of the street,

and whenever she sees me
out playing in the yard,

she comes across.

There oughta be
more girls like that.

Maybe there are.
Let's go look!

♪♪

♪♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ Of our days and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ Of our wrongs
and our rights ♪

♪ And I see ♪

♪ I want ♪

♪ I want Charles
in charge of me ♪

♪♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪