01x05 - Episode 5

[bunniefuu]

[intriguing music plays]

You all don't understand,
but Dad and I were going to leave

and never come back.
Now he's dead, and I will be too.

What about us? We had to get the body
out of the impound yard.

-A disaster.
-You are stupid, aren't you?

You're the ones
who made the mistake of burning the will.

Aldama's gonna take everything, even
if we get the money from the accounts.

-What do we do?
-You guys?

You know what? Aldama's gonna k*ll me.

Unless we can…

Unless I'm already your dead brother.
Like, I'm found dead.

No, no, but not here.
You cannot k*ll yourself here.

Okay, listen, listen. [exhales]

We just need a body that can replace me.

We add it to the accident that you were
already planning to do with Dad,

but now two people die.

A father and his son. It's perfection.

Where are we supposed
to get another dead person?

Maybe I'll call the supermarket.
"Oh, are you delivering bodies?"

No, no, no.
Who cares where we get the stiff from?

The important thing
is that two bodies are in the crash,

then Aldama will stop chasing us.

Don't you see?
This solves all of our worries.

Now I just need to find
that f*cking computer.

-Why?
-[Benjamín] The passwords are there.

Bank accounts, everything.
That's where he left them.

The computer you gave to Teresita.

[intriguing music plays]

Who is Teresita?

-[Benjamín] Don't f*ck with me.
-Oops.

[intriguing music continues]

[Benjamín] Damn it! [groans]

WELCOME TO THE FAMILY

[Cristina] Come on, Toto!

[Toto and Inés giggle]

-Coming, Mom!
-[Inés] Quick!

Before they come up looking for us.

Who cares if they see us?
It's not like we're family.

Technically, I'm kind of your aunt.

[scoffs] Bullshit.

My mom is gonna k*ll me
if I don't find that computer.

You want me to come with you?
Sounds dangerous.

Yeah, that'd be nice.

[Cristina] Rolando and Benjamín
are waiting for you!

Are you going with them? Go, good luck.

Ah, To… Toto.

MAJO
NEW MESSAGE

HI PEANUT,
YOU HAVEN'T CALLED, I MISS YOU

I thought you had already broken up.

[Toto] Oops, my phone!

[funky music plays]

[exhales]

[sighs]

Pathetic as*h*le.

[Jorge] Jana, just play dead.

[Jorge hums]

-[Cristina] Moi, I'm leaving.
-Okay.

Keep an eye out for the cop
and the neighbor. And the kids of course.

[Jorge] This tuna
doesn't fit in the fridge.

I have to make sashimi
to make it fit in, Mom.

Hey, Jorge, what are you doing with those?
Jana, what are you doing there?

-She's dead. I'm gonna have to freeze her.
-[Cristina] Jana, get up. Eat breakfast.

[Moi] Eat. Come on. Let's go.

Moi.

-What have you got?
-[Jana] Special pancakes.

I'm doing a terrible job.
What kind of example am I setting?

Now I'm going to bring
another tuna into the house.

Look, you take care of the tuna,

and I'll make sure
the kids don't notice anything.

[sighs] Okay.

I'm leaving now.

[tense music plays]

[man] Olga, this is not
the true crime saga you sold me.

This is just bitching about your neighbors
and there's not even a kidnapping.

I'm sorry,
but I'm not renewing your contract.

Your books are sh*t.

[echoing] Your books are sh*t.
Your books are sh*t.

sh*t. sh*t.

Your books are sh*t!

[screams]

What did you say?
Don't talk to me like that.

[glass smashes]

[tense music continues]

What did you say?!

Don't treat me like that!

Watson, come here.

-Watson! Listen to Mommy!
-[Watson barks]

Oh, not you, Watson. I love you so.

[screams]

[jaunty music plays]

How f*cked up is this city? Am I right?
No wonder the Uber cancelled on me.

-You're the worst, Benjamín.
-Wow, it smells like welfare in here.

Hey! Sh! You don't get
to say sh*t like that.

You shouldn't have come at all.

I don't think I'm gonna trust
a swindler and a child. Thanks.

Who are you calling a swindler, okay?
A swindler doesn't have a degree.

Yeah? So what?
No one cares about your stupid diploma.

-You're both swindlers!
-Who asked you, dude?

It's your fault we have to find Teresita
to get the computer!

-Do not shout.
-[Benjamín] No shouting?

-Be quiet. Don't raise your voices.
-He doesn't know how real people act.

-It's etiquette.
-All right. Calm down. We're almost there.

[jaunty music continues]

[music fades]

-That's it! [laughs]
-Can I crack the eggs?

But I like to bust the ba*ls.

You've been busting our ba*ls
your whole life.

But I wanna bust 'em too.

It doesn't matter.
You're both busting 'em. No!

-[doorbell chimes]
-[Jana] Hm.

[Moi sighs]

[Jorge] The cop.

-That's why it smelled like bacon.
-[Moi laughs]

What's up, fuzz-man?
What brings you around, huh?

Oh, hey, Moisés. I wanted to stop by
and, uh, say hi to Cri-Cri.

Oh, you know what?
I'm really sorry, but that's not possible.

Yeah, actually, she told me
she doesn't want to see you again, so…

What are those? Did you bring her flowers?

They're pretty, right?

Yeah, Cristina has lily allergies.

You turned her l*sbian.

-No!
-Tell him she's taken.

-Hey, we're going through a tunnel.
-Wait, Moises.

[Moi exhales] Muscle-head.

He treats your mom bad, then comes back
like he's delivering a pizza.

When are you gonna give flowers to my mom?

I give her other things.

I, um… I give her stability and support.

Things that are free.

Going to the can.

-He's a coward.
-I know. It drives me crazy.

We're gonna come up with a plan
so that he'll propose to Mom.

You're so smart!

[Benjamín] It smells like garbage.
This must be it.

-You sure?
-Hi.

We're looking for Teresita.

-[man] Mom!
-[Teresita] What is it, son?

What the hell are they doing here?

-What do you want?
-We're looking for the computer--

No, no, may I? I speak slang.

I'll spit mad cap, Teresita.

Raúl was tripping when he kicked you
to the curb without a bag.

True skibidi, brah.

So these two betas and a sigma
are here to be very demure.

What's wrong with you?
Is he putting up a shtick?

No idea. Listen,
we're here to look for my dad's laptop.

Hmm. Mm-hmm?

[intriguing music plays]

[Cristina] So many memories.

[intriguing music continues]

[music stops]

[Inés] What is this place?

This is where my ex, Alvarito, worked.

He used to collect the bodies
of the elderly when we needed it.

And you were doing it
next to the dead bodies?

-Mm-hmm.
-Mm.

When you have three kids,
sometimes there's not much of a choice.

-Hear that?
-Little sex kitten.

I thought you were a bit frigid. So proud.

Okay, that's enough.
Let's review the plan.

-It's heavy. Be careful.
-You stay right here. Yeah, got it.

Let's do it.

Look, it's really important
that Alvarito doesn't see me,

because he's still in love with me,
so here's the plan.

Enter the crematorium, steal the tuna,

burn the chickens in its place,
and get out, okay?

That computer must be very important
for you to come all the way here.

-Yes, Raúl--
-Yeah, Teresita.

That computer contains
important medical records.

My father is very ill,
and I need that computer.

If you ask me, you can all get out

and send Don Raúl my get-well wishes.

No, no, Teresita, it's my fault. I made
a mistake when I gave you the computer.

You see, this boy and his mother
can't even buy a loaf of bread.

That's Mr. Benjamín's sister.

-Older sister.
-His older sister.

Because of all the expenses for Don Raúl.

So many expenses. Yes, he's sick.
And my mom's a single mom!

-Yes, that too! So single.
-Ah.

So your mom's a single mom, huh?

-[Toto] Crazy.
-Vale.

-Rob! Come here, kids, for a minute.
-Jesus Christ.

Come and introduce yourselves
to these gentlemen

who took from us all those years.

Such vitality. Two kids at your age.

Hey. They're not my children, you bozo!

-They aren't?
-They're my daughter's.

-Ah, clearly.
-My daughter's a single mother.

I was a single mother,

and your grandfather knew it
and was still an as*h*le!

He put me out of my work, and he hurt me.

That's why I sold that computer.

-No… Let me talk!
-This is what I told you!

I'm entitled to sell that
after all these years

of Don Raúl's mistreatment

and so many toilet splatters
from this no-good, filthy swine!

[Rolando] I told you, didn't I?
The lid needs to go up.

[all speak at once]

Shut up now!

Rob, you tell them.
Who came by to pick up the computer?

My friend Sakura came for it this morning.
She came by. She works at Frikiplaza.

-Sakura? Like Japan?
-Ah, okay, the Frikiplaza.

-What is this?
-I know how to get us to the Frikiplaza.

-We still have time.
-[Rolando] Let's go.

[mourners sob]

Check it out. That's Alvarito.

[Luciana] My God!

Cris, you really were desperate.

Sh! Well, that's rich.
You did it with Raúl. Ugh!

Yeah, but he was loaded.

So how do we do it?
There's the crematorium, that door there.

Uh, okay.

Hello, idea. Okay.

You go to the crematorium door
and get ready.

-I'll create a distraction.
-[Cristina] What kind?

[Luciana] I'm going to use
my acting skills. Watch.

Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss, my dear.
Truly, I am.

-Thank you.
-My deepest condolences to you.

-Oh, it's so sad.
-Thank you.

Oh, my deepest condolences to you all.

You know, in death, we--

-[woman gasps]
-[Luciana shrieks]

[Luciana] Oh, I'm so sorry!
I'm sorry. Help!

He's everywhere.

He's all over the tile!
Can someone grab a broom?

[people clamor]

CREMATORIUM

[suspenseful music plays]

This is it.

[music fades]

What a horrible place. How awful.

I can't believe you'd come here
and spread your legs!

Ugh.

[woman] Daniel! Daniel!

-God, no!
-[woman sobs]

-[Luciana] What do we do?
-[woman] Daniel!

Oh, Daniel!

My… my sweetheart!

-Ma'am, what are you doing!
-Why you?

-Take me instead!
-Ma'am, not here. You can't be back here.

-Let's go to the lobby.
-[woman] My love! Why have you died?

-Just one more goodbye!
-Everything will be fine.

-Everything is all right.
-[woman sobs] My Daniel!

[Luciana exhales]

You can get up. They're gone now.

[both exhale]

Hey, I like that outfit.

[Luciana laughs]

Maybe I'll wear it out.

[rock music plays]

[Luciana] Time to go.

[electronic music plays]

Sakura?

Oh yes! Ask me for prices.

Arigato.

We're here to find a laptop. An Acer.

Yeah, did you recently get a computer?

Um, uh, yeah,
the ones we just got are in that stack.

Let's look!

-Okay, it's not this one.
-How will we recognize it?

Not this one.

-Be careful with the computers.
-[Benjamín] Not this one.

This is it, f*ck yeah!
Keys are damaged, but this is it.

f*ck me, it won't turn on!

[Sakura] These only charge
with the original chargers.

The only thing, guys,
if this is your computer,

yeah, it'll cost you a grand.

A thousand dollars for that piece of junk?

-Uh-huh.
-All right, Avatar.

Just sell us a USB stick. We'll get
the information, and you get your laptop.

-Uh-uh.
-No?

You should be glad you get the laptop.
All of this is stolen, you f*cking pirate.

Yeah, and you're so law-abiding.

-[Benjamín] What did you say, vulture?
-Uh, the vulture would be you.

You know what you are? You are a two-bit--

[Rolando and Benjamín argue]

-Guys. Guys, shut it!
-What?

This is ridiculous. You know what I mean?
All because of a computer.

Look, this place is sketchy.
There could be hackers.

This place isn't for hackers.
It smells like cosplay.

Okay, both of you,
let's put this in perspective.

We open up the computer, we look up
the bank, we make the transfer, and bye!

No, we can't do it here
without being exposed.

-We have to buy it and get out.
-How do we buy it?

-I know my money is in those accounts.
-[Rolando] Oh, is that so?

-[Benjamín] The money you wanted to steal.
-Look, let's not explode.

-[tense music plays]
-[Toto] Yeah.

I'll talk to my mom--

I mean my accountant.

Hey, those guys over there
said there's money on this computer.

Let's go. While they're fighting.

-[Jana] Here it is.
-[Jorge] Oh yeah, this one.

[doorbell chimes]

[door opens]

We heard your talk with my uncle Moi,
and we can help you to win my mom back.

Huh. Oh yeah? How so?

What do you have? What's this?

"Champagne, chocolates, lobster."

Cheetos?

Or rather, Flamin' Hot Cheetos.

My mom loves those.

A strawberry Pop-Tart,
nine chicken nuggets, and dipping sauce.

Barbecue.

"A checkered tablecloth,
a basket with a handle."

Okay, I think I know
what you guys have in mind.

Leave it all at our door in an hour,

but don't ring the doorbell.

We wanna keep it a surprise,
so just leave it.

Thanks.

Oh, uh, hey.

Why are you guys helping me?

Well, we…

We just want… a new father.

[upbeat music plays]

[Benjamín] How much longer, Yakimeshi?

-Just turn it on.
-Just one more minute.

-[Benjamín] Well, type faster, then, weeb.
-Uh-huh.

[Benjamín] "Uh-huh," nothing.

[Sakura] Poor as*h*le.
It's almost too easy. [laughs]

Oh no. Hey!
They're stealing our money. Look!

-I knew it. Hands off!
-[Sakura] No, no, no, no! Hey!

Grab those dudes!

-They're stealing a computer!
-[Toto] Ben!

-Toto!
-[man 1] Don't let him pass it! Grab him!

-[Rolando] Toto, you idiot! This way!
-[Sakura] I said grab him, not sniff him!

Get him!

[man 2] Sakura, they've got him cornered!

[Rolando] Get out of the way, you freaks!

-[Benjamín] Toto! Toto, over here!
-[Toto grunts]

[Sakura] He threw it right.
Cut his partner off!

Ugh! Akira, I can't move in these shoes.
Don't let him out of the hall!

-[man 1] Headed out.
-[Toto] Come on!

[Sakura] Stupid fur-headed freak.
I can't see where they're going!

-[man 1] Cut them off at the escalators!
-Oh f*ck me, gross!

[Sakura] Kick him over the railing!

-[Toto] Benjamín!
-It's mine! Toto, catch!

Just make a break for it!

[Rolando] I'm sweaty and you're holding me
in places I don't like to be held.

Don't go that way!

-[Sakura] Stop squirming, you freak.
-[Benjamín] Toto!

-Give me the computer.
-[Rolando] Let go of my body!

If you give it to her,
I'll k*ll you, you b*stard!

-Leave me alone, you Furbies!
-[Sakura] No, don't do it!

[all] No!

[Inés] Hey, Toto, um,
this morning you left your cell phone

and I saw a message from Majo,

and I…

No, f*ck, so lame. Um…

Hey, this thing we're doing,
it's just for fun, right?

-I mean, it's chill.
-Inés!

Tension release for now and nothing more,
right? We on the same page?

-Later.
-[Luciana] Inés!

[Inés] Oh!

So sorry. Let's go.

[suspenseful music plays]

-All right.
-[Inés] Get in.

-One, two…
-[Cristina] Two…

[Luciana and Cristina strain]

[Luciana] Let's scram.

Mom, I have a dead guy squishing my legs!

[Luciana laughs]

[Luciana] Let's go!

[music fades]

[Moi] Oh, nice.

-Score! Another point for me, thank you.
-[Jana] Aw, tough break.

Look, Uncle Moi. What's that?

-You can do this.
-Hey!

Seriously, I'm the best--

Ow!

Are you all right, Uncle Moi?

I think, but… I think… [groans]

Do you want to play something else

or just rest, dear uncle?

Yeah, I might do that. Lie down.

Why don't you go take a nap upstairs?

That's a good idea.

Stay away from the stove,
and don't use the oven.

-Yes, yes.
-[Jana] We'll be fine here.

-[Jorge] Yes, fine. Bye-bye.
-[Jana] Get some rest.

Let's go.

[funky music plays]

[music fades]

[siren wails]

-[Inés] Luciana, help me!
-Moi!

-[Luciana] Coming!
-[Cristina] We're back!

-[Luciana] Let me just close the gate.
-Hm.

You hold him and I'll push.

Why is that guy always here?

-[Cristina] Ooh, so elegant.
-Hi there.

-Hello.
-My beautiful lady, follow me.

Your gentleman awaits.

A gentleman awaits me?

So I see you're stealing
your grandfather's suits again.

But what's wrong with doing that?

Nothing. You look very handsome.

And where are we going, young man? Oh!

[Cristina giggles]

Oh my gosh!

[Jana] You're just in time, Uncle Moi.
Dinner's ready.

-[Cristina] What's all this?
-I don't know.

What's up, Jana?

-Just go with it.
-What did you do?

-[Jana] We set up a picnic.
-You?

-[Cristina] And you? You didn't know?
-[Moi] I have no clue what's going on.

I mean, they said
they were gonna make me some dinner.

I would also like to know
what this is all about.

What are you doing here?

You're a deadbeat, my man.
Using the kids to help your own game.

-What?
-What did you say?

Come on. If you can't even buy a picnic,
how are you gonna support children?

I've always taken care of these kids.

Oh, whatever. Save me your bullshit.

-[Cristina] Hey!
-Yeah? Huh?

Whoa, what is happening?

-What's the matter with you?
-[Moi] Just leave us alone.

-Stay there!
-Moi!

-What is going through your head?
-Are you not gonna forgive me?

No, I will not forgive you.
These are my kids here, you idiot.

-[Jana] You heard her.
-Are you okay, Moi?

-[Jana] Okay?
-[Moi] Yeah.

-[glass smashes]
-[Cristina gasps]

-What the hell?
-[Jana] What is wrong with him?

You all enjoy the rest.

-[Moi] Just go, man.
-Bye.

-You just go, man.
-[Moi] Get out.

Hippie trash.

Now, can someone please explain all this?

Oh, Mom, it wasn't actually Uncle Moi.

Jorge and I did all of this.

Because he wouldn't tell you
that he loves you.

[Moi exhales] No. No, no.
No, no, that's just children's fantasies.

No.

-When he hugs you, he smells your hair.
-When he tucks you in, he stares at you.

-[Moi] Jorge!
-It's true!

-[Moi] Hey, honestly, just stop.
-[Jorge] Okay, we'll go now.

I didn't wanna say anything
'cause I know you don't feel the same.

[gentle music plays]

Mm, can we talk about this later?
Just the two of us?

Yeah, sure. Yeah.

[gentle music continues]

We screwed up, right?

Never.

Come on. Come on, kids.

[Jorge] We just wanted to help.
We didn't mean to mess everything up.

[Watson barks]

-[Olga] So long, Watson.
-[Watson barks]

I'm sorry, but I think
I'll be better off if I go.

[Watson barks]

-[Luciana] How do we get him out?
-[both strain]

[Cristina] Put him on that side
and push him closer.

[Luciana] No, I'm gonna drop him!
Wait! Here he comes. [strains]

-Inés, hurry up!
-Okay, I got the carpet.

-[Luciana] Hurry!
-I got it.

-[Cristina] Hurry to the other side.
-[Luciana] I'll push from that side.

[somber music plays]

[Olga shudders]

[whimpers]

[Olga] Goodbye, literature. [whimpers]

Goodbye.

[somber music continues]

[wind howls]

[Watson barks]

[Watson barks]

[Luciana] There he goes.

-[Inés] One. Two.
-[Luciana] Go. Go, go.

Done, okay.

[Inés] Where do you… Okay, roll.

[gasps]

-[suspenseful music plays]
-[Watson barks]

[Inés] sh*t, watch out for…

[Olga] Oh no.

-Oh, neighbor.
-[camera shutter clicks]

Oh, neighbor.

[suspenseful music continues]

-[Watson barks]
-[Olga gasps]

[Inés] One, two.

[Luciana] There he goes, nice.

[women strain]

-Oh, come on.
-[Cristina] One.

-One more, one more,
-This is working out fine, right?

Are you guys craving
a little salmon sushi roll?

Or the salmon sashimi.

-Stop! Bring that corpse here.
-How did it go? Did you get the computer?

[tearfully] I'm sorry, Momma.

Oh boy.

-[Toto] Ma.
-Yes, son?

We… we were being chased by furries,
and we had to run from them and--

-And?
-Our computer got soaked. In a fish tank.

[Cristina sighs]

Oh my God, is it ruined?

[Olga] I knew it.

Yes, there you are, k*ller neighbors.

Liars.

[Benjamín] We were surrounded.
I would've done the same.

-Toto had no choice, really.
-[Cristina] We can't withdraw the money?

-Watson.
-[Watson barks]

-Watson.
-[Benjamín] …all these little fishies.

[camera shutter clicks]

This is a crime scene now, Watson.

This is a bestseller, Watson!

CHIEF INSPECTOR

COMMANDER
MARCELA DELGADO ÁVILA

-Are you in charge of Officer Ordóñez?
-Yes.

Your agent is a useless,
unbearable, complete jerk.

The worst in the country,
and even the world,

but it's okay.

I know about getting evidence.

And our neighbors
Cristina and Luciana Ruiz

have m*rder*d a man.

[dramatic music plays]

[upbeat intriguing music plays]

[music fades]