02x24 - Lillian Putts a Round

[bunniefuu]

[theme

[theme music

♪ The new boy
in the neighborhood ♪

♪ Lives downstairs
and it's understood ♪

♪ He's there just to take
good care of me ♪

♪ Like he's
one of the family ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ Of our days ♪

♪ And our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ Of our wrongs ♪

♪ And our rights ♪

♪ And I sing,
I want ♪

♪ Charles in charge of me ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ Of our days ♪

♪ And our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ Of our wrongs ♪

♪ And our rights ♪

♪ And I sing I want,
I want ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of me ♪♪

♪♪

Charles, did you drink your
orange juice this morning?

No, why?

Your mother wants you to.

How do you know?

She came by to drive Mom to
the airport this morning

and left you a note.

Ah, the old note on the
refrigerator trick, huh?

Actually, that note was
in the refrigerator.

There are three other ones on
the refrigerator.

My mother left me
four notes?

Five if you count the one she
stuck on your bedroom door.

It says, "Don't forget to
take your vitamins, Doodlebug"

[laughing]

Yeah, my mom has
a wild sense of humor.

Well, if I were you, I'd take
my vitamins and drink my
orange juice.

You know, just in case
she's not joking.

Yeah, you don't want to get a
spanking, Doodlebug!

[laughing]

All right, you kids ready
to go to the market?

[phone ringing]
I'll get it.

I'll get it.

It's my mom, I know it.

- Hello? Oh hi, Lillian!
- See?

Yeah, I know.
Ellen told me all about it.

No, of course not. We'd love
to have you stay over here.

- Stay here?
- Yeah.

Wait, why?
Mr. Powell, why?

What does she want?
She can't stay here!

Ellen's room is empty
and waiting.

Mr. Powell... Mr. Powell...

- Five days will be fine.
- Mr. Powell...

- Oh, stay a week if you
like!
- No, no, no!

She can't stay here.
I'm staying here!

No problem, Lillian.

Yeah.
Come right over.

We're all looking forward
to seeing you.

Right. Bye bye.

The hotel where
your mother is staying

has booked
a medical convention.

She had to give up her room
for a few days,

so Ellen asked her
to stay over here.

Oh, what a pleasant surprise.

That'll be fun.

I like Aunt Lillian!

Yeah, and she won't
have to leave notes

for Charles, either. She can
just tell him what to do.

Right, all right,
let's get a move on.

I have to get back here to
take Adam to the dentist.

Grampa, you don't have to
take me to the dentist.

I mean...

we could wait 'til next month
or even 'til next year.

Today, Adam. Today.

Come on. Let's go get that
grocery shopping done.

Goodbye, Charles. And don't
forget to take your vitamins.

I don't have to take my
vitamins if I don't want to!

I may never
take my vitamins again!

Why? Do they make you
talk to yourself?

My mother's coming
to stay here for five days!
In this house!

So? I thought you
liked your mom.

I love my mom. It's just
that, if she stays here that
long,

she's gonna start babying me
again, Buddy.

And come on, I have other
responsibilities, you know.

I have children to take care
of, I have studying to do...

I have bad news.

- Bad for you or me?
- Bad for both of us.

We can't take Bonnie
and Lisa to the movies
on Saturday night.

Why not?

Well, I can't afford it.

My dad noticed
the downward trend

in my grades,
and he cut off my allowance.

I'm gonna have to get a job.

Well, Buddy, why don't you
just study harder?

No! I can't give in
to blackmail!

Now, about the Bonnie
and Lisa situation
Saturday night,

I thought we could
rent a movie

and bring 'em over here.

No way! It's too embarrassing

to watch a film with my
mother in the house.

Why?

She covers my eyes
during the love scenes...

Buddy, we just
have to cancel the date.

- Hello, Buddy.
- Hello, son.

- Mom!
- Hi, Aunt Lillian!

Where did you call from?
How'd you get here so--

Oh, the mini-market
on the corner.

Sweetheart, I'm just gonna go
put my bag upstairs.

The last thing I want to do
is bother you, Charles.

Mom, I'll help you
with your bags.

No! No! No!

I mean it!

I want you to pretend
that I'm not here.

Okay.

Show me your teeth.

Oh, thank heaven.
It's pepper.

I thought it was a cavity.

I have two words for you --
dental floss.

You are definitely right,
Buddy.

You cannot let parents
get the upper hand.

I know I'm right.

Charles, I hate to say it,

but you're gonna have to put
your foot down.

That's right!
I'm gonna get tough.

- Charles?
- Coming, mom!

Mom, what are you doing?

Oh, sweetheart, ignore me.

I'm just trying to get a
couple of snapshots of my son.

Mom, I... we need to...

Mom, we need to talk.

Honey, your studies
come first.

Now, you sit down,
you finish your homework

and then we'll talk.

I'm gonna go
get some more film.

[doorbell rings]
I'll get it.

Doorbell!

- Hey, Charles!
- Hi, Buddy.

Charles, I got the job!

Inside this case are some
incredible samples

of a new spot remover.

I'm gonna sell it
door-to-door.

No, no! Buddy, you're
clutching at straws.

Now listen... why don't you
just hit the books

and improve your grades?

No! I told you! If I did
that,

my father would expect me to
obey his every whim.

Which reminds me,
did you put your foot down
with your mother?

No, but I'm going to.

You've gotta be strong,

- Charles.
- Okay.

- Really put your foot down.
- All right.

Can I demonstrate
my new product for you?

No, no, no.
I have to finish studying.

Oh, but, it'll
just take a minute.

Oh, hi, Buddy.

Hi, Aunt Lillian.

Charles wants to talk to you.
Don't you?

Oh, I can't... can't bother
you, Charles.

You don't have time to talk.

No...

Mom...

I'm going to have to
put my foot down.

In a second, sweetheart.

Mom, I have a job.

I know. I'm very
proud of you.

And, and...
I also have studying to do.

I know, Doodlebug.

That is why you don't
have time to talk.

Yes, but mom, I also have a
social life.

As well you should.

Mom, listen to me. Uh...

I think that you, you need to
get an outside interest.

That's why I bought
Sid's Pizza Parlor.

No, Ma, you invested in Sid's
Pizza Parlor.

- But you never go there.
- All right. I'll go there.

No, I...
I don't want you to go there.

All right. I'll continue not
to go there.

No, mom. Look.

You, you need to meet women
your age, you know,

and go out and do the things
they do, like... uh...

play badminton or,
or bridge or shuffleboard.

You want to put me
in a home.

No!

No, mom!

I want to get you
out of a home!

Just... forget I said anything.

That won't be difficult,
sweetheart.

I have no idea what we we're
talking about.

- Charles...
- Yes, sir.

Charles, would you make sure
Adam is ready

for the dentist?
I want to leave promptly

at two o'clock.

Ah, Charles has to study.

I'll check on Adam.

Oh... okay.
Thank you, Lillian.

Oh, Mr. Powell.

I want to demonstrate
a little item

that will cause
your problems

to vanish in an instant.

Have you got something that
will make an idiot disappear?

Even better.
Okay. Let's say that...

let's say that you get
an unsightly spot

on your clean white shirt.

Uh oh!
You have yuck on your shirt!

But, don't despair!

We simply add a dash of this
incredible new spot remover...

"Yuk-Off."
Show bottle to customer.

Spray a few drops...

...And Presto!

The yuck is...

...spreading.

I don't understand it.

This stuff is supposed to
remove spots.

Buddy, you've been had.

This, this "Yuk-Off" is...
is a rip-off.

You're going to pay me
for this shirt, Lembeck!

You owe me 20 dollars!

Well, no offense, Mr. Powell,
but I really don't think

that shirt is worth
twenty dollars.

Not with that stain on it.

I'm gonna go get a new job
and I'm gonna pay you back
later.

You know, I...
I hear that tie-dye

is coming back in style
this season.

Yeah, hello...
Oh, hi, Stu...

No, no, no.
I have to take my grandson
to the dentist.

Yeah, I'd love to go,
but I can't.

All right, goodbye.

- Walter...
- Huh?

- Leaky fountain pen?
- No!

- Drippy college student.
- Oh.

If you've got something
you have to do,

I would be more than glad
to take Adam to the dentist.

Oh, no.
That was just a friend of
mine

who asked me to go out
for a round of golf.

Oh, golf.
I used to love to play golf.

That's right, mom.
You did!

You know what?
You should take it up again.

You... you'll meet
a lot of nice people
playing golf.

I'll tell you what,
Mr. Powell.

I'll take Adam to the
dentist.

Could you drive my mom
to the golf course?

Well, yeah, I suppose so.
But, but why?

Well, aren't there other
women out there playing golf?

- Yeah...
- Well, there you go, Mom!

I've been trying to tell you
that you need to get out

and meet new people.

And here's your chance.

Well, Charles is right,
Lillian.

- Oh, if you wouldn't mind.
- No, you wouldn't mind,

- would you, Mr. Powell?
- No, no!

Great!
I'm gonna go get ready
to take Adam!

Grampa, I don't think
I can go to the dentist
today.

I have a sore throat.

In that case, you shouldn't
go to the dentist.

You should go to the doctor.
He'll give you a shot.

Oh...

Well, I guess I'd rather
take my chances

with the dentist.

Saw through that, huh?
Every time
he dreads something,

he gets this
convenient sore throat.

Oh, with Charles,
it was sneezing.

- Sneezing?
- Sneezing.

Every time there was a
problem he couldn't cope with,

he'd get a sneezing attack
and he'd end up in bed.

- Adam!
- He's in the kitchen.

Charles, are you sure
there's nothing

you want me to do
before I go?

Mom...

I forgot.
You're a grown man.

Bye, Doodlebug.

Don't forget
to take your vitamins!

At least she didn't
leave me a note.

Come on, Charles,
it's getting late.

Are we going to wait up
all night for your mother?

I'm not waiting up for her,
Buddy!

And... and, it's not that late!

Well, it's late for me.

Tomorrow's my first day on
the new job.

You're not working on a
farm!

Shoe stores don't even open
until nine AM.

Yeah, but "The Pump House"
is a ladies' shoe store

and I want to look good
for my customers.

- We wanted to say goodnight,
Charles.
- Oh, goodnight.

Are you going
to wait up all night
for your mom?

I'm not waiting up
for her!

I... I just happen to be up
while she's out.

Maybe Grampa shouldn't have
left her at the golf course.

No, no, no.

Your grandfather said she was
having a great time, Jamie,

and that makes me happy.

He said that she met
someone she liked

and they went to dinner
at the Neopolitan Gardens.

...six hours ago.

Hi... you still waiting up
for your mom?

I'm not waiting up for her.

I... I want her to have fun.

Then, what are you
worried about?

I'm not worried!

Why the... why should I
be worried?

Maybe she got kidnapped.

It's just an idea.

Goodnight.

[Sarah and Jamie]
Goodnight.

Goodnight.

Charles, just think.

You wanted your mother
to go out and meet new people

so that you
could have your freedom.

Instead, you're locked
in a prison cell

of worry, doubt, and despair.
Now...

Don't you find that ironic?

You know what I find ironic?

Inside the head of a gerbil,

there is a brain
the size of a walnut.

Inside your head,

there is a walnut
the size of a brain.

Oh, yeah?

Well, at least I'm not
waiting up all night

for my mommy to come home.

Yeah?

Well, neither am I.
You know why?

'Cuz I'm going out
to look for her.

Why?

Buddy, something is wrong!
I mean...

Middle aged women
might go out

and have dinner together.

They might go
and play golf together,

but they don't
stay out this late together!

Hey, wait a minute.

Wait a min...
Ma-maybe their car broke
down.

Maybe their car
had a flat tire.

Maybe my mother
has amnesia

and is wandering around
the streets of New Brunswick

trying to figure out what
the word 'Doodlebug' means.

Charles, look,

if you're gonna
roam the streets

looking for your mother,
I'm going with you, all
right?

Ah-choo!

Ah-choo!

So, are we gonna look
for your mother, or not?

Uh, no, she's...
She's here.

Where?

She's outside the door.

Aren't you gonna let her in?

She's with a friend...
Ah-choo!

...a male friend.

Well, does that bother you?

No, it doesn't bother me!

Why would that bother me?

Charles... Charles.
Okay, okay.

It doesn't bother you,
I was wrong.

Ah-choo!

[Lillian and friend laughing]

Oh, hi.

Ah, um... Alan Barlow,

I'd like you to meet, ah,
Buddy Lembeck.

- Hi, how are you?
- Nice to meet you.

And, uh, this is my son,
Charles.

- Charles, it's...
- Ah-choo!

[Alan]
...It's, uh...

It's a pleasure.

Lillian's told me
a lot about you.

She's quite a woman,
your mother.

Ah-choo!

We just met today
at the golf course.

Oh, I was...
I was sitting

with some very nice women
having iced tea,

and Alan came over
and asked me

if I'd like to play a round...

Ah-choo!

...of golf.

Charles, are you all right?

No, no, I think
I'm coming down
with something.

Ah-choo!

Alan, what do you think?

I'd like to look
at your tongue.

Why would you want to look
at my mother's tongue?!

I think he means he wants
to look at your tongue.

Don't be ridiculous.

No, Charles, Buddy's right.
He's a doctor.

Buddy's not a doctor,
he's a shoe salesman!

Ah-choo!

And he doesn't even start
until tomorrow.

Sweetheart,
Alan is a doctor.

Oh, sure, all of a sudden
everyone's a doctor.

Well, I'm gonna go in
and lie down.

Goodnight, Mom.
Goodnight, Doctor Barlow.

Goodnight, Doctor Lembeck.

Ah...

[Charles]
Ah-choo!

I've never seen him
sneeze that much before.

I have.

♪ ♪

Hey, Charles,
how's it going?

Hey.

Why aren't you workin'?

Ah, the job was a drag.

You know, part-time work
in a ladies' shoe store...

- Who needs it?
- Yeah.

You got fired, huh?

Yeah.

I had this
really pretty customer

who asked me what color
I thought she'd look good in.

I said, "I'd like to see you
in something white..."

"...like my bathtub."

The lady
had no sense of humor.

Neither did the owner.

Yeah, now are you gonna
improve your grades, huh?

No, now I'm gonna look
for another job.

By the way,
did your sneezing attack
last night

have anything to do
with your mom's date?

No!

Buddy, she goes out to a
club,
meets a guy,

next thing I know,
she's outside the front door,

ki... ki...

- Kissing.
- Ki... thank you.

I hate the fact th-that
some stranger

is trying to play doctor
with my mother.

He isn't playing, Charles.
He is a doctor.

Well, let him go operate
someplace else.

I'm taking my mom
out to dinner tonight,

I'm gonna lay down the rules.

Rule number one: She can't
treat me like a kid anymore.

Rule number two: She's gonna
make new friends,

but they can't be strangers.

And rule number three:
She's not going out

with doctor
what's-his-name again.

Charles, Jamie said
you'd be here.

Hi, Buddy.

Sweetheart,
I'm gonna have to

break our dinner date
for tonight.

Hello, gentlemen.

Alan is taking me to
the Rosemary Clooney concert.

Isn't that wonderful?

Ah-choo!

Oh, Mom, I can't eat.

Oh, try, sweetheart.

No, I feel bad
that I'm keeping you

from going out tonight.

I am going out tonight.

Honey, it's just
a little cold.

- It's a big cold.
- Oh, you're gonna be fine.

I'll see you later.
Mwah.

Mom?

Yes?

Can I have a drink of water?

A drink of water?
Sure.

Thank you.

Don't worry about me tonight,
Mom.

I'll be fine.

I won't, sweetheart.

Thank you.

You didn't let it run.

Have some orange juice.

Honey, you get some rest,

and you try to eat something.

Mom.

What?

I'm worried about you.

Don't.
I take plenty of vitamin C.

I don't get colds.

No, Mom, what do you know
about this guy?

He's from Minneapolis.
He's forty-nine.

He's a widower.
He likes pork chops,

applesauce,
and Woody Allen movies.

His favorite color is blue.

He used to have a dog
named Mabel,

and his favorite singer
is Rosemary Clooney.

Yeah, but... but what do you
really know about him?

He's an axe-m*rder*r!

Get some rest, Charles.

Hey, Charles,
I made a big decision.

Why aren't you eating?

I can't eat.
I'm sick.

Oh... Well, anyway,

I've decided
that you were right,

and I quit my job.

What job?

The job I was going to
apply for.

I decided I'd just
hit the old school books,

breeze through
the final exams,

please my parents,

and get back
on my dad's payroll.

What's her name?

Monica Talbot.

She's a straight-A
honor student

and she's willing
to work with me

day and night.

Uh, I'm glad to hear that,
Buddy.

I-I mean, whatever
your motives are,

your parents just want
what's best for you.

Right, just like I know

you want what's best
for your mother.

Absolutely.

Do you know
what's best for your mother?

Buddy, you haven't passed
your psychology final yet.

Don't try to analyze me.

Charles, your mother is still
a young, healthy,

attractive woman.

- I don't want to hear this.
- She has her needs.

- La-la-la-la-la-la!
- And sooner or later,

- she's going to...
- La-la-la-la-la-la!

Well, at least
you're taking it

like an adult.

Charles, your mother
may get married again.

[louder]
La-la-la-la-la-la!

La-la-la-la-la!

Then what?

Charles, I have
something to tell you.

Oh, um, hi, Aunt Lillian.

Look, I know that
Charles is upset,

but I want you to know
that I'm behind you

one hundred percent.
Go for it!

Charles, are you upset?

No, I'm not upset, Mom.

Why would I be upset?

You're the one
having a mid-life crisis.

That's what you think
I'm having?

I have to tell you something,
Charles.

Your father
was my best friend,

and ooh, did I love him.

And you are my only son,
and I love you.

All of a sudden, he died
and you grew up,

and you left the house.

I lost you both
in one year.

Believe me,
there is no crisis,

mid-life, late-life,
or after-life

that can beat that one.

I'm sorry.

Uh, I... ah...

I guess I went nuts
when, uh...

...when I saw you
with that man, and...

...he wasn't Dad.

I know, sweetheart.

So, I guess I'm gonna be
seeing a lot more of that, uh,

Doctor Barlow guy, huh?

Only if you move
to Minneapolis.

He left this morning.

He left?

Yeah, he was only here
for a medical convention.

Oh!

Well, I'm sorry to hear that,
Mom.

I mean, he seemed
like a nice guy!

Look at the bright side,
I mean,

you met some nice women,
you drank some iced tea,

and now you're
a generally happier person.

He's eating.

He's getting well.

It's a miracle!

I may meet other men.

I know that, Mom.

But next time,
I'm gonna be prepared.

Look, I'm gonna make
a deal with you.

I will stop treating you
like a child,

if you stop treating me
like an old woman.

- You got it.
- Okay.

You know what's important,
Mom?

I-I think we should
put a little distance

between us,
a little space.

That way, when we do
see each other,

we can appreciate
each other more.

That's why I came over here.
I agree with you.

We need some space
between each other.

I'm leaving the house,
I'm moving in to an
apartment.

- What, you are?!
- Uh-huh!

I couldn't stay in a hotel
forever.

Oh, great!
I'm gonna get dressed,

drive you over
to your new place,

and help you move in, okay?

Oh, we don't have to drive.

My apartment
is right down the block.

Ah-choo!

♪♪

Charles?

Charles?

What, Adam...
What's up?

Charles, I have
an important question.

What?

When you were eleven,
was there ever a girl

you really liked?

Yeah.

Did you punch her in the arm

and throw grapes at her
during lunch?

Raisins.

Well, did you ever
sit next to her in assembly

when they showed one of those
boring travel movies

for geography class?

Yeah.

Did she lean over
and kiss you,

and you pretended
that you didn't like it,

even though you did?

Oh, yeah.

Did you tell anybody about
it?

No.

[sigh]
Neither did I.

- Goodnight, Adam.
- Goodnight, Charles.

Goodnight, John-boy.

[theme music ♪]

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ Of our days ♪

♪ And our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ Of our wrongs ♪

♪ And our rights ♪

♪ And I sing,
I want ♪

♪ I want Charles
in charge of me ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪♪