03x06 - Role Model

[bunniefuu]

♪ ♪

♪ The new boy
in the neighborhood ♪

♪ lives downstairs
and it's understood ♪

♪ He's there just
to take good care of me ♪

♪ like he's one
of the family ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our days
and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs
and our rights ♪

♪ And I sing, I want
Charles in charge of me ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our days
and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs
and our rights ♪

♪ And I sing, I want ♪

♪ I want Charles in charge
of me ♪♪

♪ ♪

Yeah, hi Steven?
This is Charles.
Have you seen Jamie?

Jamie.

Cute girl,
long blonde hair.

Steven, you've been dating Jamie
for about a year now.

Ha-have you seen Jamie
anywhere after school today?

No?
Thank you very much.

Charles, what are you doing?

We're supposed to have
a softball game.

No, I can't leave yet, Buddy.
Jamie's not home.

She's a big girl.
When are you gonna stop
playing mother hen?

I'm not playing.
It's my job!

The Powells took Adam and Sarah
for their dental check-ups
and I'm the only one here.

Well, that's your fault.

You wouldn't be
the only one here,

if you were
at the softball game.

It's like talking
to a speed bump.

Buddy.

Jamie's not home.
Nobody knows where she is.

Oh, well, maybe
she went to the mall.

Are you crazy?
That's worse.

Have you been
to the mall lately?

It's full of beautiful women
of all ages.

They're like human targets,

waiting for
some fast-talking marksman

to come over
and score a bull's-eye.

You're right, Charles.
I-I'm sorry.

Suddenly, the softball game
seems very trivial.

All right.

Let's go to the mall!

You go to the mall.
I'm calling the police.

Charles, I think
you're overreacting.

I don't know
what Buddy did, Charles,
but I'll testify against him.

Jamie, when'd you get home?

Just now.

School's been out
for two hours.

All right, look.
I'm not gonna ask you
where you were,

or what you were doing,
okay?

I don't even want to know.

I just think you should've been
considerate enough to call me,

and tell me that
you weren't coming home.

I'm sorry.

Okay.

So, where were you?
What were you doing?

You don't wanna know.

Well, in that case,
you'd better tell me!

[Buddy] I don't wanna know.
Does that mean
I should be listening?

Jamie, wait a minute.

Now, listen.

Your mom is not here
and your grandfather's
not here, okay?

That means I am in charge.

Where have you been?
- I'd rather not say.

You're in big trouble.

[Sarah, Adam, Charles]
Hi.

So, uh...

How come Jamie's in trouble?

Dad,
if you're tired of the silver,
why not go for the brown?

No, no, brown is depressing.

I was thinking in terms
of flaming red,

or jet black,
or maybe even bright green.

Uh, you know, Mr. Powell,
for what it's worth,

I like your hair color
just the way it is.

I was talking
about repainting my car.

Oh!
What a relief.

You know, because
I think that bright green hair

would make you look too much
like an asparagus tip.

Thank you, Lembeck.

I'm glad you like my hair
the way it is.

I like your hair, too.

It's what's under it
that frightens me.

Hey, Mom, guess what?

Jamie's in trouble.

Why?

Oh-oh, it's nothing,
Mrs. Powell.

Jamie and I will work it out.

Wha... work what out?

I didn't come right home
after school today.

Yeah, but Jamie's trustworthy.

I'm sure she has a good reason
for being late.

Oh, well.
Where were you, Jamie?

Mom,
if I tell you where I was
in front of Charles,

he'll do what he always does.

He'll cross-examine me
and then make me nervous.

Jamie, I-I won't do that.
I promise.

[sighs]
Okay.

I'm taking some classes
at the Better Image School...

... of Modeling.

[Jamie]
Well?

Well, huh, nice name.

[clears throat]
So, where did you,
uh, find out

about this alleged
modeling school?

I was in the mall,
and Miss Lane discovered me.

See,
she runs the school,

and she said
I had a great deal of potential.

Yeah, let's hope
she wasn't talking about

your potential
for spending money.

Mom, I've already gone
to two classes
at the modeling school.

I don't know why Charles
is so suspicious.

Well, I think he's trying
to protect you, sweetheart.

He doesn't have to.
I know it's not a rip-off.

Do you mean that
the classes are free?

No, the basic course
is $20 a class.

But, I've been spending
my own money
from my own savings account.

Well, sweetheart,
it is your money, but--

uh, did you check
the small print in the contract?

I didn't have to
sign a contract.

You see, Charles?
She didn't have to
sign a contract.

And I won't have to,
ever.

And she won't have to,
ever.

Get away from me.

Of course,
Mom will have to sign a contract

when I enroll
in the intermediate course.

I'll also need
some financial help there.

How much they soak you for--
Uh, sorry.

Uh, how much
do they charge you
for the intermediate course?

It's 13 weeks,
for only $389.

Jamie, that's a lot of money.

Believe me, I wouldn't mind
if I thought it was worth it.

Believe me, Mom!
It is.

[sighs]
- Whoa, Charles.

You know,
I'm as suspicious about
this modeling school as you are.

Would you mind
checking it out for me?

Be happy to, Ms. Powell.

Thank you.
I really appreciate it.

Charles, how are you
gonna check this out?

Oh, go down there
and ask some questions.

Oh, okay.
I'll go with you.

Thanks, Buddy.
Looks like I'll have to
save Jamie from herself.

My instincts tell me
this place is a-a phony,
a fake, a scam.

And a darned fine place
to meet women.

You're coming along
just beautifully, Julie.

I'm very happy
with your progress.

Thank you, Miss Lane.
See you tomorrow?

Mmm-hmm.
Ciao.

[door opens]

Hi, you work here?

Uh, no.
I take modeling classes.

Talk to Miss Lane
over at the desk.

Thanks.

Did you hear that, Buddy?

They're trying to tell
that sweet girl

that she could
become a model.

That's exhibit 'A',
and we're just beginning.
Let's go.

Oh, hi.
- Hi.
- Hi, may I help you?

Yeah, I'd like to, uh,
ask you some questions
about your modeling class.

Oh, good.

How long have you been
modeling professionally?

Me?

No, never.
[Miss Lane laughs]

[Miss Lane] You're kidding.
- No.

[Miss Lane]
With that bone structure?
I mean, you're a natural.

Do you know that
a good male model

can earn at least
a $1,000 a day.

We've got to get you enrolled
in our basic course.

Oh, by the way.
I'm Allison Lane.

Oh, hi.
- Nice to meet you,
Miss Lane.

Please call me Allison.

Okay.
And you can call me Buddy.

And you may call him Charles.

All right, Buddy.

Charles, what do you think?

Well, I'm not quite sure--

I'd, uh, like to look
at a contract if you don't mind.

Oh, you don't have
to sign a contract
for our basic classes.

However, we do require one
for our intermediate course.
Here.

Now, our basic course
is only $20 per class.

[raspberry]
Well, hey.

Count me in!

Wonderful, Buddy.
Wonderful.

I'll just, uh, get a card
for you to fill out.

Are you nuts?

I told you.
This place is a rip-off.

I don't think so!

And if it is,
I'll find out soon enough.

Oh!

Hey.
Buddy, you don't know it,
but you're right.

All right, Buddy.

If you'll just, uh,
fill this card out--

Oh, Miss Lane,
I-I-I-I made up my mind.

I'd like to join also.
Can I get one of those cards?

[Miss Lane] Certainly!
- Thanks.

[Miss Lane] I'll be right back.
- Okay.

[Miss Lane]
Oh.

Oh!

Thank you.

So you don't think
it's a rip-off.

I know it is, Buddy.
That's why I'm signing up.
To prove it.

We'll blow the lid
off this place from the inside.

Yeah!
Good idea.

And while we're at it,
we'll become models
and earn a $1,000 a day.

You didn't really think
that I could resist that,
did you?

[Sarah]
Uh-oh.

Adam, if I were you,
I'd leave town.

Oh, no.

Sarah,
a lady never allows herself

to sink to the level
of an immature little...

... boy.

Boy?

That's it?

You call that an insult?

The least you could do
is fight back.

Come along, Sarah,
it's tea time.

Pelvis out, head up.

Glide, glide, glide.

Pelvis out, head up.

Glide.

Pelvis out, head up.

Glide, glide, glide.

That may be
the latest dance craze,
but ask yourself one question.

Would Sylvester Stallone do it?

He did Rhinestone.

I must be doing it wrong.

I'll get the hang of it
after tonight's class.

You have no idea how much
I hate the thought of going back
down there tonight.

Well, then don't.
Just tell Jamie and Mrs. Powell
that the school is legitimate,

and you're off the hook.

What?
And leave them on the hook?

Buddy, I can't do that.

I can't let Mrs. Powell
get taken.

And I can't let them
break Jamie's heart.

Oh.

Charles, I am so sorry
I raised my voice to you
the other day.

A real lady
never yells at anyone.

They yell at me!

I only have one more
basic class to take.

And then, I'm hoping Mom
will give me the money
for the intermediate course.

I know she will
if you say it's all right.

Miss Lane says
I have great potential.

She says
I'm a natural.

[chuckles]

Ah, Jamie.
[clears throat]

Listen,
you-you can't believe people

just because they tell you
what you wanna hear, you know?

This Allison Lane
has an ulterior motive.

How do you know
her name was Allison?

Uh.
Just a, uh, a wild guess?

Right, Charles?

You went down there.

A lady never yells.

Charles, I swear, if you ever
go to my modeling school again,

I'll...
I'll...

I don't know what!

Oh.

Guess that
settles that, huh?

As much as I hate it,
I have to go
back down there now.

You can't!
You heard what Jamie said.

If you go down there,
she'll "I don't know what."

That's why
I'm going down there.
To find out what's what.

What?

Pelvis out, head up.

Glide, glide, glide.

♪ ♪

Excuse me, Miss Lane.

Jamie!

You're not in this group,
are you?

Oh, no, my class is tomorrow.

But, um,
I wanted to talk to you.

See, there's this guy,

and he doesn't think
I should be going
to your school at all.

And he's not a bad guy, but...
- Your story's very interesting,
Jamie,

but I've got to finish
with this class.

I won't be long.
Okay?

Okay, I'll wait.
- Okay, wait.

[Miss Lane]
All right, people!
Come on.

Let's settle and sit.

Work with me, work with me.
It'll make it simple.
[laughing]

All right, all right.
Seated?

Now.
Today we have
a very special surprise.

David Lee Roth
has a new music video
coming out soon.

In it, he'll be wearing
something so exciting,

that the entire world
of men's fashion will tremble.

And now, to give us
a sneak preview of this
thrilling fashion trend,

here is Charles!

[applause]

Here is Charles.

[applause]

Chuck!

♪ ♪

Our modern buccaneer...

... wears the pirate look.

Guaranteed to bring out the fire
in his good eye,

and the sequins
in his bad one.

The leather and silver vest,
by Paul de Paree,

is removable
for both quick getaways,
and lazy afternoon lounging.

The billowing, pirate,
pleated pants are by Borzini.

The shirt,
by Angelo Dantonini,

reveals the masculinity
of our nouveau swashbuckler,

while leading us to believe
that he may have forgotten
to buckle his swash.

[applause]

I wanna remember you this way.

I hope I never see you again!

♪ ♪

[door slams]

Now, to show us
the California surfer look

that's sweeping the country
once again.

Here's Buddy!

[applause]
♪ ♪

Now, Buddy is wearing--

Woo-hoo-hoo!

[crash]

I can't believe Charles
would do that.

I mean, it was
the most humiliating thing
that's ever happened to me.

[door opens]
Hi.

Hi, Charles.
We were just talking about you.

Yeah, and it wasn't good.

Excuse me.
- Jamie.

You gonna be mad at me
for the rest of your life?

Sarah, tell
Captain Crunch here...

... that I don't wanna
talk to him,

I don't wanna see him,
and I don't want him anywhere
near my modeling school.

Jamie, I-I was trying
to protect you, okay?

I mean,
you don't want to sign up
for this course then,

have your dreams shattered
when you find out it's a scam,
do ya?

Tell him it's not a scam.

Besides, Mom will never
give me the money anyway,

because she thinks
Charles knows best.

Jamie,
I can't remember all of that.

That's okay, I can.

Jamie says that--
- I heard her.

[Charles]
Jamie, wait a minute.
[nervous chuckle]

Charles, I hope you do keep
her out of that modeling school.

It's made her really boring.

She won't even fight
with me anymore.

I hope you don't
make her quit, Charles.

My life's been a lot better
since Jamie started modeling.

She's not home as much.

I can actually use the telephone
once in a while.

And, she's a lot easier
to get along with.

Huh... not for me.

Yeah, but that's only
because she hates you.

Hey, Charles.

I-I've got this plan
that'll put that modeling school
out of business,

and-and make me a fortune
at the same time.

Buddy, you can't sue them.
The skateboard was your idea.

Oh.
Well.

Well, in that case,
may-maybe I can make a fortune
modeling sickroom supplies.

Buddy, time is running out.

We gotta save Jamie
from being swallowed up
by those sharks.

Now listen,
I want you to go over
to the law department, okay?

Ask Professor Hurley
to check out these contracts.

I'm goin' back down
to that modeling school.

And I'm talking to Miss Lane.

All right?
Let's go.

Charles!

Oh!
Whiplash?

Uh, no, sir.
Skateboard neck.

It-it's sorta like tennis elbow,
o-o-only higher up.

Charles, are you sure
I can't sue?

I'm positive.

Oh.
In that case,
I'm healed!

Congratulation.

Charles, I just found a guy
who'll repaint my car for $69.

No ups, no extras.

Oh, Mr. Powell, don't you think
you should check that out?

I mean,
it sounds like a rip-off.

You know, there-there's a lot
of unscrupulous people out there

who would do anything
to take your money.

Yeah, like that lady down
at Jamie's modeling school.

What's wrong with the lady down
at Jamie's modeling school?

Oh, we think she's trying
to swindle Jamie.

Yeah, but don't worry,
Mr. Powell.

We have a monkey wrench
that we're gonna throw
into her little scheme.

Lembeck, I can protect
my own granddaughter.

And I'm afraid somebody
just threw a monkey wrench
in your little scheme.

And I am that monkey wrench.

You know,
I never thought of him that way.

Oh, I always have.
Let's go.

Oh, uh, hi.

I'm Allison Lane.
May I help you?

Oh, I just, uh, wanted
to look the place over.

Ah, professional curiosity, huh?

I can see you've done
some modeling yourself.

Me?
Oh, sure.

Mostly battleships.
[Miss Lane laughs]

I'm serious.
No, I-I'm serious.

I mean, certainly
you must have been
a professional model.

I mean, a tall, distinguished,
handsome man like you.

You think so?

Well, that's very nice
of you to say,

but my career
was in the Navy.

Oh, but you're so young.

You could easily start
a second career.

Oh.

Well, I have a class to conduct,
so I have to leave now.

But, uh, I'd love to talk
to you about it.

Why don't you call me
later this evening?

Oh, maybe I'll do that.
Oh!

My-- by the way,
my name is Walter.

Of course it is.

A strong name for a strong man.

Enchanté.
- Oh.

Mr. Powell!

Charles, you're out
of your mind.

That woman is as honest
as the day is long.

I can't believe this!

She got to Mr. Powell, too.

I beg your pardon?

Oh, hi.

I remember you.
You're the pirate.

No, ex-pirate.
I jumped ship.

Um... can-can I ask you
a question?

Did-did-did Miss Lane
make any promises to you
about becoming a model?

No, she didn't have to.

Believe it or not,
when I first started
coming here,

I was overweight
and awkward.

Now, thanks to Miss Lane,
I'm big and beautiful.

Excuse me.

[Miss Lane] Charles.
- Oh.

Oh, did you come
to watch the class?

No, I wanna talk to you,
Miss Lane.

[clears throat]
Um...

Excuse me,
there's a friend of mine who,

uh, wants to become a model

You see,
she's very young,

and she's inclined
to trust people.

Well, that's not
a bad quality, Charles.

Well, sometimes it backfires.

Take Julie for example.

I mean, be honest with me.

What are her chances
of becoming a model
and earning a living?

Well, Charles, not everyone
who takes this course
is going to be a model.

Ah!
Then, you admit it.

Of course!

Look,
why don't you sit down
while I finish with this class

and then we'll talk, okay?

Yeah.
- We'll work it out.

All right, people, attention.
Sit down, please.

Work with me.
Work with me.

I'm having
some excitement here.

Everybody seated.

Okay, now we're going
to see the perfect look

for the junior high school prom,
as modeled by...

... Jamie!

[applause]

♪ ♪

Jamie is a veritable symphony

in a strapless,
blushing pink gown,

accented
by gently provocative
tiered layers of taffeta.

The elegance
of the opera length gloves,

complimenting
the entire luscious
[in french accent] ensemble

is guaranteed
to keep her dance card filled

and ensure
that our junior high school
prom queen

will be
the belle of the ball.
[Miss Lane giggles]

[applause]

♪ ♪

Jamie.

Now, I know
you won't believe this
right now,

but Charles interfered
because he cares about you.

I think you should be grateful
that he does.

[knocking]

Come in.

Ah--
Oh, I'll come back.

No, Charles, come on in.

I think the two of you
should talk.

There's nothing
to talk about.

I think there is.

Yeah, so do I.
Um...

Look, Jamie, anybody
can make a mistake.

Honestly, Charles, I dont think
I am making a mistake.

You know, these-these
past couple of weeks,
you've really changed.

You seem... more together,
you know?

You're-you're not fighting
with Adam anymore.

Your room is neater.

You're really starting
to mature.

Thanks.

I know you
won't believe it,

but I think my modeling class
had a lot to do with that.

Yeah, so do I.
I was down there
this afternoon.

I gotta tell you,
you really knocked me out.

Wait a minute.

Are you saying
you were wrong
about the class?

I-I always knew you were,
you were beautiful, Jamie,

but today,
you would've glowed in the dark.

I think you should stick
with that class.

You're saying
you were wrong.

I'm saying that the class
can do people a lot of good,

if they don't assume
it's gonna make them
instantly rich and famous.

You are saying
you were wrong!

Here's my plan.

I'm gonna tell your mom
I think the class
is a good idea, okay?

Okay?
More than okay.
I'd love it.

All right,
you got it.

Oh, uh...
[clears throat]
one more thing.

I was wrong.

[Jamie]
Charles!

Thanks.

♪ ♪

Hey, Buddy.
You wanna eat?

Yeah, sure.

Hey, you know, Charles,
I think I'm gonna sign up
for the intermediate class.

Allison Lane says
I'm a natural.

Buddy, she says that
to everybody.

That's how she makes her living.

But-but you said that
the school was legitimate.

I-I-I--
It is legit.

The car business
is also legitimate, Buddy.

That doesn't keep a car salesman
from selling you a lemon,
does it?

Face it.
Allison Lane is a con artist.

Huh... who knew?
She never even tried
to sell me a used car.

Let's go eat.

Oh, no, wait.
Charles.

Uh, we have to stop Mr. Powell.

He's out with Allison Lane
right now.

Don't worry about Mr. Powell.

He's been around plenty.

Miss Lane is not gonna
con him into anything.

Pelvis out, head up.

Glide, glide, glide.

[Mr. Powell]
Pelvis out, head up.

♪ ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our days
and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs
and our rights ♪

♪ And I sing, I want ♪

♪ I want Charles in charge
of me ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪♪

[fanfare]