03x09 - Bottle Baby

[bunniefuu]

♪♪

♪ The new boy
in the neighborhood ♪

♪ lives downstairs
and it's understood ♪

♪ He's there just
to take good care of me ♪

♪ like he's one
of the family ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our days
and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs
and our rights ♪

♪ And I sing, I want
Charles in charge of me ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our days
and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs
and our rights ♪

♪ And I sing, I want ♪

♪ I want Charles in charge
of me ♪♪

♪ ♪

[knocking]

Charles, Charles,
I really need your help.

My sister called long distance,

and she's flying here today
to see me.

Now, why-why
would she wanna see me?

Maybe she needs a good laugh.
[chuckles]

Did you ask her
why she wants to see you?

Ask her?
I don't even know
how to talk to her.

I mean,
we were never very close,
Charles.

My sister and I
are complete opposites.

Oh!
You mean she's sane.

Yes,
and-and she's intelligent

and sensitive,
and shy.

She's the shyest person
in the whole world,

and she's gonna expect me
to show her a good time tonight.

So?
Show her one.

No, Charles,
that's why I was hoping
you could go out with us.

See,
my sister's never seen
a good time,

and I thought
you and I could have one,

and she could look at it.
- Look, no,

I have a date with Lois tonight,
Buddy.

I have a date with Lois.

How old is your sister?

I don't know.

What do you mean,
you don't know,
Buddy?

When-when she was born?

Charles,
how am I supposed to remember
when she was born?

I was only two years old
at the time.

Buddy,
that might be a clue.

Now, I-I know you studied math.

Math, of course!

When I was home last,
it was her birthday,
and there was a cake.

Let's see, um...

She's 18.

Very good, Trigger.

So, get her a date,
Buddy.

Ah, no,
Bunny never dated much.

[laughs]

Your sister's name is Bunny?

You mean, it's Buddy...
and Bunny Lembeck?

Wasn't that
a little bit confusing?

Charles,
those are just nicknames.

My real name
is Buddence...

... and her real name
is Bunnence.

Where-where did you
possibly get names
like Bunnence and Buddence?

From our parents,
Clarence and Florence.

Hi ya, boys!
- Hi, Mom.
- Oh, hi, Aunt Lillian.

Charles, I'm only here
because Ellen called.

She had to go out of town
for the weekend
to a business seminar.

I said
I'd come over and fix dinner.

All right.
- Oh, I'd like to join ya,
Aunt Lillian,

but my sister's coming
to visit me.

That's wonderful.

You both come here for dinner,
and then afterwards,

you and Charles can show her
around town.

Mom.
- Oh, I'd like to,
Aunt Lillian,

but I don't wanna impose
on Charles.

Don't be silly.
- Mom.

How could you impose on Charles?
- Mom!

Any sister of yours
is a sister of his.

That's right, Aunt Lillian.

I'll-I'll do it.
Thanks, Charles.

I'm gonna go to the airport
and pick up our sister.

There.
You did your good deed
for the day.

Mom.

I have a date with Lois tonight,
and I can't get out of it.

Sure you can.

You tell her you wanted to go,
but your conscience stopped you.

My conscience didn't stop me,
you did!

Sweetheart,

I am your conscience.

All right, now,
they're almost here.

Remember what I told you.

Buddy's sister is very shy,
so keep the ball rolling,
okay?

Hi, come on in.
- Hi.

Uh, Charles, Jamie, Sarah, Adam;
say hello to Bunny.

[all] Hi, Bunny.
- Hi.

Uh, Bunny,
why don't you sit down
over here.

The kids are dying
to talk to you.

Charles, please,
don't leave me alone with her.

I don't know what to say.
- All right, all right.

Where do you go to school,
Bunny?

Oh, me?

I thought you said "Buddy."

Oh, uh,
Waterman University.

Hey.
How 'bout that, Buddy?

Your sister goes to college.

Bet you want to talk to her
about that, huh?

Oh, yeah.

Uh, Bunny,
how did you get away from school
to come here?

I just had some time off.

Hello, everybody.

Hi, Mr. Powell.
- Hey.

Mr. Powell.
- Yeah.

Mr. Powell, I want you
to meet my sister, Bunny.
- Oh.

You can talk to her,
if you want to.

Well, so,
you're Buddy's sister.

Uh-huh.

Nice meeting you.

Um, do you like poetry?

Yeah,
I love it.

So do I.

Uh, yeah.

Well, look,
it's almost time for dinner,
kids,

so why don't you go upstairs,
and, uh, wash up.

[clears throat]

The college library
has a lot of good poetry,
and it's open late tonight.

If you want to,
we can go down there
after dinner.

Sarah,
it's Bunny's first night in town

and I don't think
she really wants to spend it
in a library.

Actually,
I'd like it a lot.

Good!
Then let's do it.

You want to go
to the library tonight?

I-I think
that's the greatest idea
I've ever heard.

You can take my car.

You-you-you can
take my car keys.

Do you need money?
Here, you can take
my wallet, too.

No, thanks,
but I will take your car,
if you don't mind.

No, no, I don't mind.

Uh, um, Charles and I
are going to Sid's tonight.

You can meet us there later,
if you want to.

Thanks.

Well, I'm gonna go help my mom
in the kitchen.

You two keep right on talking,
okay?

You mean to each other?

Yes.

Ah, no, Charles.

I- I can talk to Bunny anytime.

You two talk and I'll help
your mother in the kitchen.
- No, no.

I'll help my mom in the kitchen.

You want to talk to your sister,
Buddy.

He really wants to talk to you.

Hi.
- Hi.

Do you...

... feel like talking?

Yes, I do.

Uh.

Buddy,
I'm in trouble,
and I need your help.

You need my help?

Well, this is a first.

Buddy.

I, um...

I need you to call Dad
and tell him I'm here.

Tell him you begged me to come.

Well, are-are you saying
that Mom and Dad
don't know you're here?

You said you had time off
from school.

I lied.

You... lied?

You've never lied before
in your life.

I mean,
you were always
the perfect child.

I was the black sheep.

Wa-wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

If Mom and Dad
don't know you're here,

then where did you get the money
for a plane ticket?

Uh, um...

I took one
of Mom's credit cards.

Let-let me get this straight.

You lied to Dad,

you stole
one of Mom's credit cards,

and you're in trouble?

This is great!

I mean,
you really are my sister.

♪ ♪

Buddy.

Did you ask your sister why
she wants you to lie
to your parents?

No, it-it's enough
that my brilliant sister,

who always thought of me
as a flake,

is now coming to me
for help.

That's all I need to know.

Hi.
- Hey, Mom.

What are you doing here?

I own this place, remember?

I just came to visit my money.

Where's your sister?

Well, she's at the library,
with Sarah.

Oh, no, she brought Sarah back
about two hours ago,

and she said
she was coming right down here
to meet you and Charles.

Do you think she's all right?

Oh, sure.
You know how shy she is.

She was probably afraid
there'd be a lot of people here,
you know.

Oh, well, you know her
better than I do.

Well, excuse me,
I better go check the register.

Where do you suppose she went?

Well,
she said she was going
to check the register.

No.
I'm talking about your sister,
Bunny.

She's missing.

Charles, I know
she went back to the hotel,
but okay, I'll go call.

Guess who?

Uh...
Hulk Hogan?

[giggles]
Hi.

Oh.
- Oh!

Did I hurt you?
- No.

Bunny,
you just surprised me.

You surprised me so hard,
I think you broke my shoes.

[laughs]

That is so funny.

You are so cute,
Charles.

Oh, well.
Excuse me.

Uh, I have to go winkle-tinkie.

Hey, boys.

Charles?

Charles,
you want to hear
something weird?

My sister
isn't in her hotel room.

You think that's weird?

I gotta story
that'll curl your underwear.

Good,
let's hear it.

Your sister is here,
Buddy.

Where?

She went to go winkle-tinkie.

I think that means
she went to the ladies' room...

... or maybe
that was the men's room.

Bunny?
Bunny.

Yeah?

Where are you going?

Over to a party at the, uh,
Delta Omega house.

Yeah,
but you don't know these guys.

Sure I do.

Call me tomorrow,
Buddy.

Let's go!

Buddy.

I think your sister
is starting to get
over her shyness.

Oh, good.
Buddy.

You and I have to talk
about what happened
at the pizza parlor last night.

Okay.
Bunny wanted to see the kids,
so I brought her over.

She's in the kitchen
with Sarah and Jamie.

Let me ask you a question.

[exhales]

Aren't you
a little bit confused?

Yes, Charles.
I'm very confused...

... about what?

Your sister,
the shyest person in the world.

Last night,
she walked into Sid's

and she turned
into Whoopi Goldberg.

Doesn't that bother you?

No, Charles,
what are you worried about?

You, Buddy.

Your sister said
she's in trouble.

Now, she wants you
to call your parents
and lie to 'em.

And you might get in trouble.

And, if you're in trouble,
I just think you should find out

what the trouble is
you're getting into,

before you get into trouble.

Hi.

Oh, Buddy,
your sister's very nice.

And she's really smart.

Are you sure
you're related to her?

Yes, Jamie.

We're related by marriage.

My mother married my father
and they had us.

Didn't you study this stuff
in school?

No, we don't study
abnormal psychology
until next year.

Charles,
guess what?

They're having a fun fair
at the high school tonight.

And Jamie invited Bunny,
and Bunny invited Adam and me.

Hey, that's great.

That sort of solves
a problem for me, too.

I was wondering
how I was gonna keep
my sister busy tonight.

Don't worry.
I'll take care of her.

And, you know what else?

She wants to read
some of my poems.

Ah,
my little sister is blossoming.

The little bud
is turning into a butterfly.

And the little Buddy
is turning into a fruit fly.

Think, Buddy.

What could possibly
make your sister act

so much like Sarah
in the daytime,

and so much like you
at night?

I give up.

Why don't you ask her?

All right, I will.

Bunny.

♪ ♪

Do you, uh...

... do that a lot?

It makes me feel better.

It's none of my business.
- You're right.
It is none of your business.

Yeah.
Bunny, um...

it's just that, you know,
you told Buddy that
you have a problem and...

I think
if your problem is drinking,
there are ways to get help.

[scoffs and laughs]

Like what?
Alcoholics Anonymous?

You want me to get up
in front of a bunch of strangers
and say,

"Hi, my name's Bunny.
I'm an alcoholic."

Well, I'm not.

So, are you gonna tell
Buddy about this?

I think one of us should.

I mean, you know,
he's my best friend.

and I don't wanna
see him getting hurt.

Stay out of it,
Charles.

And, uh, don't worry.

I never hurt anybody but myself.

♪ ♪

Charles, come on.

You come in here,
sit down and relax.

I will finish
cleaning the kitchen.
- Mom.

Mom, please.
I can't relax.

Buddy's sister
has a big problem.

Oh, sweetheart,
we all have problems.

I have problems.

Drinking problems.
- Charles!

All right.

Once on your 12th birthday,

I had a glass of wine,
and danced on the table.

I passed out, and fell down
on your Aunt Molly.

It doesn't mean
I'm an alcoholic.

Mom, I'm talking
about Buddy's sister.

She has a drinking problem.

That sweet little girl?
- Yeah.

Oh, come on.
I love you, sweetheart,
and I think you're wrong.

[Mr. Powell]
Uh, shouldn't the kids
be home by now?

Oh, don't worry.

Bunny drove them over
to the school fair.

Bunny drove them?
In a car?

Yeah,
she had Buddy's car.
What's the matter--

Oh.

Oh, Charles,
you'd better be wrong.

You better be wrong?
About what?

Oh, nothing.

I mean, everything.
[clears throat]

You see,
it makes Mom happy
when I'm wrong.

No wonder she's always
in a good mood.

[doorbell rings]

[Walter] Doorbell.

Hey.
- Charles.

Charles, my mind has been
totally blown away.

Yes.

And yet, it's never interfered
with your ability to dance.

Thanks.

Charles,
I-I talked to my mom and dad.

They said they got a notice
from the college

telling them that Bunny
was failing in three courses.

I don't believe it.

I do, Buddy.

Look, I-I don't know
how to tell you this,
but, um...

I think your sister
has a drinking problem.

What-- Bunny doesn't drink.
I mean, she might have a--

Buddy, how do you know
she doesn't drink?
- Come on!

Come on, up until yesterday,
you didn't even know
how old she was.

Charles,
what is it with you?

I mean,
my sister may be different,

and-and she may be shy,

but she's not a drunk.

[Charles] Jamie,
what happened?

Buddy's sister
just totalled the car.

Yeah,
while we were in it.

Where's Sarah?
Where's Bunny?

They're coming.
Don't worry.

They're all right.
- Mom!
Mr. Powell!

Where's my car?
- It's about a mile
up the street.

Don't worry.
You can't miss it.

It's the only car on the block
with a telephone pole
in the front seat.

What's the matter?
- They were in a car accident.
- Oh, my God.

Come on, upstairs.

Right now, come on.
Come on, come on.

Sarah, sweetheart.
Are you all right?

I'm very upset.

You're also very bleeding.
Come upstairs.

Bunny?

Thanks for the ride home,
Bunny.

Buddy,
that car of yours
should be arrested.

It's a piece of junk.

Bunny?
Are- are you all right?

Yes,
but I could have gotten hurt.

That car of yours
has a defective steering wheel.

It locked, or something.

We ran into a telephone pole.

Come on, come on.
I'll drive you home.
[Bunny scoffs]

In what?
I'll drive you both home.

You know, Charles?

I don't know
what Sarah's problem is,

but, if she thinks
this was my fault,

Well, just tell her
I'm sorry, okay?

Why don't you tell her
tomorrow.

Then, tell her
how you never hurt anybody
but yourself.

[scoffs]

How's your head,
Sarah?

Fine.
- All right.
Everybody's okay, right?

Yeah, right.
That's the main thing.

Now, and we mustn't blame

Bunny too much
for what happened last night.

You know, she was--

she was very tired.

She was also bombed
out of her skull.

Oh, you noticed.

We all noticed,
Charles.

She was drunk by the time
we got to the fun fair.

I didn't know she was drunk.

I just thought
she was just crazy like Buddy.

I can't believe
Bunny would do that.

I thought she was my friend.

Oh, Sarah,
I don't think it was personal.

I just think
Bunny has a serious problem.

Yeah,
she doesn't know how to drive.

It's gonna take make-up magic
to cover up this bruise.

So,
I'll be in the bathroom
if you need me.

Let me go first.

You'll be in there
for three hours.

I think I'll go lie down.

Does your head hurt?

Not as much as my heart does.

Poetic kids
are really depressing.

Hey, Charles?
Bunny wanted to talk to Sarah.

Oh, well, uh,

Sarah might not want to talk
to Bunny.

Why shouldn't she,
Charles?

What did you tell her?
That I was drunk?

Oh, no.
She knew that, Bunny.

I, uh, tried to tell her
that it wasn't your fault.

I tried to tell her
you were sick.

Oh, Bunny's not sick.

Face it, Buddy.
She is sick,
and she needs help.

Bunny, tell Charles
that you're not sick.

I am sick.

I'm sick of everyone judging me.

You couldn't
possibly understand,
Buddy.

You're good-looking
and you're outgoing.

Everyone likes you
before they even know you.

Do you know what it's like
to be me?

Come on,
you were raised in California.

Remember all those slim,
tanned, gorgeous blonde girls?

Bunny, please, don't.

You're making me
very... homesick.

Buddy,
you're missing the point.

Bunny.

You think you have
a 1,000 problems.

Well,
I think you only have
one problem,

and I think you know
what that problem is.

You don't know
what you're talking about.
Just leave me alone.

You already are alone,
Bunny.

Now,
do you want to be that way
for the rest of your life,

or do you wanna get help?

I wanna go talk to Sarah.

Okay.

How can I help her?

Well,
I think you should try
and talk to her, Buddy.

You know,
show her that you care.

And then, uh, try to
get her to join "A.A."

Oh, swell.

She wrecks my car

and now you want me
to get her to join
the Automobile Club.

[knocking]

Sarah?

Hi, um...

I just wanted to explain
about last night.

[exhales]

You see...

I drink because, um...

... because, uh...

I've always been rather shy.

Yeah, well, me, too.

And I've never had many friends.

Neither have I.

And I'm very insecure.

So am I.

Yeah?

I guess we have
a lot in common, then.

Maybe I should get drunk.

No.

I don't want you ever drink.

I won't,
if you won't.

It's not that easy.
Look, um...

I just came up here
to say I'm sorry.

Sarah.

I like you a lot.

Then, why did you
try to k*ll me?

♪ ♪

Charles.
It's me, Bunny.

Where's my sister, Buddy?

You're Buddy,
Buddy.

No, don't try
and change the subject.

Is my sister here?
- No.

Oh, well,
she should be.

She said
that she'd meet me here.

She wanted to say
goodbye to everybody.

What?
Where's she going?

Well,
we had a long talk
this afternoon and...

she's going back home.

You mean,
you actually talked to her?
- Yeah.

About what?
- Everything.

I told her how much
I had always resented her.

And she was very pleased
about that.

Well, who wouldn't be?
- Yeah.

You know, it's funny.

I never really realized
how much she envied me

and she never realized
how much I envied her.

You know,
and after we got through
all of that,

I think we figured out that,
uh...

... we love each other.

So I'm gonna--
I'm gonna fly home with her
this weekend.

You know,
so she doesn't have to
face everything alone.

[doorbell rings]

[exhales]

Hey, Bunny.
Come on in.
- Hi.

Hi.
- Hi.

Are you, um...

Are you all right?

[chuckles]
Do you mean, am I sober?

Yeah.
Sorry I'm late.

I, uh...
I got busy.

I made some new friends today.

Really?
How?

It was easy.

I just, uh, walked into
an "A.A" meeting
and said, "Hi.

My name's Bunny,

and I'm an alcoholic."

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Hi, Charles.
- Hi, Charles.

Hold it.

You guys
didn't even say anything
to each other.

So?
- "So?"

Sit down for a minute,
will ya?

Didn't you guys learn anything
from Buddy and his sister?

About what?
- About families.
About relationships.

Now, you may not believe this,
but up until yesterday,

Buddy didn't even know
how old his sister was.

Now, don't let that
happen to you.

Because, you know,
you guys can really help
each other.

The only way
that's gonna happen
is if you communicate.

Now, you live in the same house.

Talk to each other,
okay?

Okay.

How old are you, Adam?
- 12.

How old are you?
- 15.

Good.
- Keep in touch.

♪ ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our days
and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs
and our rights ♪

♪ And I sing, I want ♪

♪ I want Charles in charge
of me ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪♪

[fanfare]