02x18 - U.F. Oh No!

[bunniefuu]

[theme

[theme song

♪ The new boy
in the neighborhood ♪

♪ lives downstairs
and it's understood ♪

♪ He's there just
to take good care of me ♪

♪ Like he's one
of the family ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our days and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs and our rights ♪

♪ and I see I want
Charles in charge of me ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our days and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs and our rights ♪

♪ and I see I want
I want Charles ♪

♪ in charge of me ♪♪

♪♪

Hi, Laurie!

Yeah, listen,
I wanted to call

and apologize
about last night

I uh, I didn't mean
to ignore you.

Oh, this is Charles.

Charles!

Yeah, listen,
I was wondering

if you want to get together
later on?

No, no, no.
I'm not interested
just in dating.

I'm looking for a totally
monogamous relationship.

No, not monotonous,
monogamous.

Who?
Beverly Shaeffer?

No, no no!
We were just studying together!

And uh, she had a muscle spasm
and I massaged it out for her.

Okay,
so she had multiple spasms,
so what?

No, believe me Lori,
there's nobody in my life
but you.

Charles!
Charles!

No, no Lori,
it's not another girl!

It's an 11 year-old boy!

Hello?

Hello?

Yes, Adam?

Charles,
I just saw a UFO!

What do you mean
you saw a UFO, where?

Right outside my window!

It was round
and had flashing lights!

Have you been staying too close
to the microwave again?

No, honest, there was
this bright, blue light.

So I looked outside
and there it was!

It flew straight up
real fast!

Charles, there's something
strange going on in the kitchen!

We heard noises
under the sink!

But when we looked
there was nothing there!

It's aliens!
We're being invaded!

- Aliens?
- Invaded?

Okay, just relax everybody!

I'll go in the kitchen
and check it out, okay?

I never thought
I'd say this, but...

I'm going into the kitchen
to look for extraterrestrials

- Watch out for death rays!
- Thank you.

If he gets zapped,
I've got dibs on his room.

Adam, that's a terrible
thing to say!

Yeah!
I'm the oldest
I should get his room.

Jamie!

- Grandpa, guess what!
- What?

Good news!
There's no aliens
in the kitchen!

- What?
- Grandpa, I saw a UFO!

And there were aliens inside
and they went into the kitchen.

And they've got death rays!

I don't know about death rays,

but there were definitely
aliens in the kitchen.

We heard them!

They were under the sink
then they disappeared!

Charles!

What have you been
telling these children?
- Nothing sir.

Well then you should tell them
something, excuse me.

Girls, I want you to go
into the kitchen,

and see for yourselves,
that there is nothing there.

Grandpa, can I go look
up at the sky,

and make sure
there's nothing up there.

Yes, as long as you
don't leave the front yard.

Now run along all of you!

Come on, run along, run along,
I want to talk to Charles.

Uh, Charles.

I don't want
crazy grandchildren,

and I don't want
a crazy college student

encouraging my grandchildren
to be crazy!

No, sir, I would never do that.

First Adam thinks he sees
something,

then the girls think
they see something,

it all starts
with fuzzy thinking.

Well sir, I wouldn't call
Sarah and Jamie fuzzy thinkers.

Grandpa, Charles,
it ran across the floor
and disappeared under the sink!

- What did?

I don't know,
but it was fuzzy!

You see Charles,
fuzzy thinking.

- No, it was furry!
- Furry thinking.

Yes, that's
an advanced form
of fuzzy thinking!

Girls, it's time
for you to go to bed!

Charles,
will you tell these girls,

they have nothing to fear
in this house!

Yes, believe me girls,
there's no reason
for you to be afraid

of aliens
from outer space, okay?

Maybe he's right, Jamie.

Maybe the alien
is more afraid of us
then we are of him.

Yeah, right, and like King Kong
is afraid of Punky Brewster.

Did you hear that Charles?

I hold you personally
responsible

for letting
this get out of hand!

You should have nipped
it in the bud!

Well, I didn't know
it was in the bud,
until a few minutes ago.

Yeah, well now you do!

So you better start nipping!
This buds for you!

Dad, Charles,
isn't it a little late
for Adam to be lying down

on the front lawn,
looking for UFO's?

Oh, Ellen, that was me,
I told him he could do it.

- Why?
- I thought they might
come back!

- Who?
- The aliens!

You saw aliens?

No, Mrs. Powell,
Adam didn't see any aliens.

He only saw a UFO.

Jamie and Sara saw aliens.

But whatever you saw
is gone now right?

Yeah.

But what if it comes back.

Adam,
I happen to know for a fact

that UFO's
are never seen twice

in the same night
at the same location.

- Really?
- There you go again, Charles!

Adam, there are no UFO's!

But Grandpa I saw one!

Oh, Adam, sweetheart,
I believe you saw... something.

Why don't we go upstairs
and get ready for bed,

and I'll tell you
about a few things
that you might have seen

that look like UFO's, okay?
- Okay.

- Charles.
- Huh?

Can you keep
your eyes open
just in case?

- You got it ace.
- You got it ace.

Charles, sometimes
you have to tell things to kids
they don't wanna hear.

Yeah but Mr. Powell,
I don't know what he saw.

Yeah, maybe not,
but you know what he didn't see,

and what he didn't see
was a UFO!

I'm sorry, sir,
excuse me.

You can read it right here
in the paper!

All of today's problems start
with fuzzy thinking!

[water running]

[mysterious music plays ♪]

As an educated person,
Charles,

it is your obligation
to stamp out ignorance
and superstition.

Not next month,
not next year,

but right now!

Well, you could wait
until tomorrow.

What do you do
when you see something,
you know you didn't see,

but you know you saw it!?

What?

If you were me,

would you believe your eyes
or your mind?

Well right now,
since you're obviously
out of your mind,

- I'd stick with my eyes.
- Then I was wrong about UFO's

Well I'm glad
you're man enough
to admit it.

They do come back
to the same place
in the same night,

I just saw one!

Hello, is this
the observatory?

Yeah may I speak
to the uh, Head Astronomer,
please?

Oh, well, what do you call
the man in charge?

Ah, you call him "sir."

Yes, well then
may I speak to him, please?

Thank you.

Yeah, hello, sir?

Yeah, uh...
listen I was wondering...

were you paying attention
last night?

You were?
Good.

Did you happen to see
anything strange?

Well that's funny,
I did.

No.

No, no, no.
I don't have my own observatory.

No, I don't have
my own telescope!

Yes, I do have my two eyes,
and what my two eyes saw,

was a silver thing in the sky
with blue flashing lights

and it flew straight up.

Hello?

Hello?

Everybody hangs up on me.

Satisfied?

No, sir.

That's what you get
for listening to Adam,

and those girls last night!

It's called mass hysteria,
Charles!

And I intend to
put a stop to it!

Your UFO is no longer
welcome in this house.

Don't tell me

Tell them.

Just keep your hallucinations
to yourself,

and things will get normal
around here, real fast!

Oh, Charles!
We saw it!

What?

Well, maybe not real fast.

What, uh,
what did you see Jamie?

I don't know,
he ran across the living room,

and he was furry and grey
with black roots!

But fuzzy, kind of like
a bad home permanent!

Girls, if you saw anything
it was probably a mouse.

Grandpa,
he was too big to be a mouse!

I saw his shadow,
it was huge!

Well then it was
a large mouse.

- A very large mouse!
- A giant mouse!

A monster mouse!

Oh, Charles,
can a mouse get to be
the size of a c*ck Spaniel?

No, I don't think so Jamie,
at least not on this planet.

Oh!

Uh, uh, Charles.
Chinchilla at four o'clock.

Mr. Powell thinks
it's a mouse.

No, he's wrong,
she's a chinchilla.

Oh.
No, Buddy, listen.

There's something really strange
running around the house.

And Mr. Powell set up traps,
but I just don't know,

if he's gonna catch
little brown mice
or little green men.

That depends, were they
little brown mouse traps,

or little green man traps?

Buddy, if I told you
I'd seen a UFO

Would you think
I was nuts?

Look who I'm asking.

- Charles, you saw a UFO?
- Yeah.
- What did it look like?

It looked like a UFO!

If it looked like a chili dog,
or Meredith Baxter-Birney,

I wouldn't call it a UFO,
would I?

This is really interesting
Charles,

- why don't you
tell me everything?
- Uh, okay.

First, I saw this like,
eerie blue light, right?

Oh, did it zap you?

I don't know, how do you know
when you've been zapped?

How does anybody know
when they've been zapped?

What does getting zapped
do to you?

- You get cranky and irritable.
- Then I've been zapped!

Well, did anybody else
see this?

Yeah, Adam did,
at least he says he did.

But then again, Adam thinks that
"Star Wars" was a documentary.

Maybe I am going crazy,
I don't know.

No, Charles,
I don't think you're crazy.

Thank you.

You know,
I opened today's newspaper,

and there was no report
of any UFO sighting!

I mean, how could that be?

I don't know,
maybe you're crazy.

You know, you should donate
your brain to medical science.

Doctors always need extra
an golf ball.

You just said I wasn't crazy!

No I didn't, I said
I didn't think that
you were crazy.

That'll never hold up in court.

- Well.
- Hey.

What are you
doing up at this hour?

I went to the library
and got some books on UFO's.

Charles,
I told you,

I didn't want any more
of that talk in this house.

A lot of responsible people
have seen UFO's

Yea, well then a lot
of responsible people are...

... irresponsible.

Maybe so but,

how do you account
for all these sightings?

Fuzzy thinking,
inexperienced observers,
mass hallucination.

Well, it's true that most
of the sightings

have logical explanations.

but their are some sightings

that even the experts
can't explain.

Yeah,
well the fact remains,

there is not one shred
of physical evidence,

to prove that anyone
has ever seen a flying saucer
from outer space.

Yeah, I can't argue with that.

Maybe I didn't see
what I thought I saw,

Maybe I am going insane.

Yeah, well
that's the first sane thing
you've said in two days!

The fact is,
I just don't know
what I saw.

I mean, I guess
it could've been anything.

You know, it could have been
like a weather balloon,

or a... planet Venus,
or a helicopter.

You know,
there's a story in here
about this one guy,

who was driving
on the freeway...

[Charles] He saw this
silver blob floating in the sky.

He turned off the freeway,
went right through a cornfield,

and to some farmers house.

Anyway, it turned out that
the silver blob in the sky,

was a dead lightning bug
on the guys windshield.

So, he ruined a brand new car,

and a perfectly good
living room.

All because of
faulty wiper blades.

I take it back,
Mr. Powell.

I didn't see any UFO's.

Maybe you didn't,

but I just did.

♪♪

Here, here,
it looked a little like this.

Did your UFO
look like this?

- No.
- No!

A little I guess... maybe.

Mr. Powell, we've been reading
this stuff all night.

I'm not sure
of anything anymore.

Maybe we didn't see a UFO,
maybe... maybe you're right,

- Maybe it is mass hysteria.
- No!
No, no.

You and Adam might give in
to mass hysteria, but not me.

We can't be the only ones
to have seen it.

There must be some sort
of cover-up going on!

My traps are gone!

I had mouse traps
in all these cabinets!

Charles!

You don't suppose...

Mr. Powell,
do you really believe

that aliens beat a path
to our door,

because we built
a better mouse trap?

Why not?

Those people
from outer space
are funny that way.

All I know,
is it's time for action.

I'm gonna call
that news director,

- at the television station.
- Wait, wait.

He'll get these UFO's
out in the open!

Wait, Mr. Powell,
what if he doesn't believe you?

He'll have to,
I've got a witness.

You do?
Who?

Oh, right.

Listen, we don't want to
tell the family yet.

- This is no time for panic!
- Okay.

[Mrs. Powell]
Kids, you don't want to
be late for school.

This is the time for panic!

Well, you two are up early!

Good morning Mrs. Powell!
Yes, yes, we are up early.

- Just cereal for me, please.
- Me, too.

- Is the coast clear?
- What do you mean?

We didn't see anything,
right, Charles.

Right, I looked
outside and it was clear.

Of course, I couldn't see
the coast from here,

but I imagine
that's clear, too.

Jamie.

Those are
my fishing boots.

Well I need protection,

as long as that aliens
running loose !

Jamie, I told you
it's probably a mouse!

A mouse in here!

Dad, I-I don't what
the kids saw,

but I can assure you
that I keep a clean house,

and there are no... mice.

Wow!

Aliens like the same brand
of cereal we do!

♪♪

Charles, are you telling me
that Mr. Powell also saw a UFO?

- Hmm.
- When?

Right after he convinced me
that I didn't see one.

And, what was
his reaction to this?

Same as mine.

Uh-huh.

And would you say that this
paranormal experience,

brought you and the Powells,
oh, closer together,

further apart,
or none of the above?

What are you doing?

Me?
Oh, oh, nothing,
just doodling.

- Doodling my foot!
- No, mostly I do nudes.

Oh, then you won't mind
if I just take a look
at what you're doing.

Charles, my nudes are private!

The effects of paranormal
phenomena

on family relationships
by Buddy Lembeck.

What is this?

It's... my psychology
term paper.

I intend to simulate
a UFO experience

in order to determine
it's affects on

a typical American family.

You faked a UFO?

You, you used the Powells
as guinea pigs?

How could you do that?

Well it was easy,
I just rigged up
a silver balloon

some blinking LED's,
and this high intensity
blue light.

No, I don't mean
how did you do it,

I mean,
how could you do that?

I was stuck for a topic.

And, and then once
I got the topic,
I needed a family.

And who better
then the Powells?

And me Buddy,
you made a fool out of me!

Worse yet, you made
a fool out of Mr. Powell!

The man who holds my job
in his proud, vengeful hands!

Okay, okay,
so I'll tell him everything,
when he gets home tonight.

Well, he's home right now.

They're gonna do
the interview at...

Buddy.

He's doing an interview
on the news!

They have a news crew over
at the house right now!

We... we can't let him do that!

He'll be--
He'll be a laughing stock!

And I'll be unemployed!

Okay,
but if you can't stop him,

just promise me
that you'll look
at the bright side.

What bright side?

Well, I'm bound to get
an 'A' for sure

if my UFO's seen
on the six o'clock news

Good!

Then they can cover
your memorial service

on the 11 o'clock news!

I can live with that.

Charles, wait up!

Are you saying that
you also saw a UFO?

Yes!

It had laser g*ns!

And photon torpedo g*ns
sticking out of the sides!

I would say they were either
Klingons or Romulans.

Adam, why don't you go
into the kitchen
with your sisters, okay?

What a gyp!

Anytime anything good happens,

it's always,
"Adam, go into the kitchen".

Well, why don't we get started?
I'm rather pressed for time.

Oh, I'll just go get my coat,

by then my witness
should be here.

I'll be right back!

Why do I always get
these nut cases?

Oh, hi, listen.

Hey, you're Nancy Mayo,
I'm a big fan of yours!

Thanks, are you
one of the witnesses?

No, I'm a Presbyterian.

I'm the witness, but excuse me,
I have to talk to Mr. Powell

before the interview.

Oh Charles, come quick!

There's an emergency
in the laundry room!

I'll be right back
Please don't start the interview
without me!

I've been meaning
to write you a letter.

See I've had this
really great idea!

I think that you should
do a four part series,

on string bikinis!

All right,
what's the emergency?

The alien is in the
clothes dryer!

Adam, it's not an alien,

it's probably just a mouse
or something.

Let's see.

Whatever it is Charles,
you have to rescue it.

I still think it's an alien!

- Let me see!
- Oh, wait I think I see it!

Is it wearing
a turtleneck sweater?

That's mine, I forgot to take
my clothes out of the dryer.

Come on Charles, let's go!

They're ready to start
the interview!

Mr. Powell, there's a
mouse in the dryer.

Oh, well then it was
a mouse huh?

Well, that's that then.

Come on Charles,
they're waiting for us.

Grandpa,
you can't leave him in there!

If someone flips the switch on,
he'll fluff dry to death.

We're not gonna flip
the switch, Sarah, don't worry.

- Oh, there it is.
- Where?

Whoa! That's too big
to be a mouse.

A rat? Flip the switch!

No!!

Grandpa, the heat will k*ll him,
I'm against capital punishment.

What do you think the
mouse traps were for?

I guess I never really
thought about it.

I did, that's why I
took the traps and hid them.

You took my mouse traps?

Yes, I did, I'm against
capital punishment too.

Well, what do you want to do?

Turn our clothes dryer into
a home for retired rats?

It's not a rat Mr. Powell,
and it's not a mouse either.

I'm not quite sure what it is.

[singing]
Their here!

Whatever it it, I better
put some heavy gloves on.

Charles, we don't have
time for this.

- We have an interview to do!
- Mr. Powell, just let me try,

it'll only take
a few seconds, okay.

All right watch it,
get out of the way.

- Charles be careful!
- Okay.

Don't let it ooze on you!

Oh, there he is... There it is.
Come, oh, come on.

Come out.

Yeah, got it, gotcha.

- It's Frederick!
- Who?

Frederick.

Would that be
Frederick of Hollywood,

or Frederick of outer space?

Frederick of Kevin Holloway's
house.

It's not an alien after all!

Frederick is Kevin's
guinea pig.

Kevin's been looking for him.

Uh, why don't you,
uh, uh, kids,

take this alien back to Kevin's
house okay, go on, go on.

Excuse me, but I don't know
how much longer,

I can keep Nancy Mayo
interested.

I've used all my charm, and
she's yet to speak to me.

- Let's go Charles.
- Mr. Powell before you go,

there's something that you
have to know.

- Tell him Buddy.
- You mean about the UFO?

What? What? What?

Mr. Powell, what you thought
was a UFO,

was really a part of a
college project.

I know a UFO when I see one,
and that was the real thing!

Oh thanks, I made it myself.

What do you mean you made it,
Why?

Well, I had to,
it was my project.

Charles, he's lying isn't he?

You mean in the sense of not
telling the truth...no.

Lembeck, you trying to
make a fool outta me?

No, sir, I didn't have to try,
it just happened.

I feel this need to break
something, come here Lembeck.

No, Mr. Powell, please,
it really was a college project.

And Buddy didn't mean
any harm by it.

And no harm was done.

No harm!
What about the reporter?

She's expecting a story.

Am I gonna tell her about
Lembeck's college project!

I have the utmost faith
in you sir,

that you can pull through
this tough situation.

- You do?
- Yes.

Well, I am good in a crisis.

It's just that,
I don't like lying

You don't have to lie, did you
see an object in the sky?

- Yes.
- Was it flying?

- Well, it seemed to be.
- Could you identify it?

- Well, no not really.
- Then what was it?

Well it was an unidentified
flying object.

Then that's the story
you should tell them.

They'll never put that in the
news, it's too dull.

All right I'll do it.
But for my sake.

And Lembeck, the next time
you build a UFO,

you better be ready to
board and fly it.

Back to your native planet!

Whew, thanks for jumping
in there and saving my life.

It's all right, I just didn't
want to see Mr. Powell

stuff you in the dryer
and flip the switch.

I mean, you're dizzy
enough as it is.

Oh yeah? Well, lets just see
who's dizzy when I get

an 'A' on my psychology
term paper.

You know, I've gotta hand it
to you Buddy, you're a loon

but you're a dedicated loon.

I mean I can't believe that you
would take a project

that would make you sit in the
bushes for two nights in a row.

No, Charles, it was
only one night.

No Buddy, it was two nights,
last night and the night before.

No, Charles last night
I was in my dorm,
writing my term paper.

No, no, Mr. Powell saw
the UFO last night.

Wasn't my UFO.

Then, whose was it?

Sometimes when I look
at the sky,

I wonder if there really is
intelligent life

on other planets.

Sometimes, when
I watch television,

I wonder if there's
intelligent life on this planet.

You know, I'll bet there are
aliens up there.

Sure and someday they'll
be down here.

Oh yeah, this book
I was reading,

says they've been landing here
secretly for years

and taking over the bodies
of earthlings.

It said that one out of every
five people you meet

is really a strange creature
from outer space.

- One out of every five?
- Yeah.

It also said you can spot them

by their lack of manual
dexterity.

What?

It's your deal... Alf.

[theme song ♪]