03x19 - Berkling Up Is Hard To Do

[bunniefuu]

♪

♪ ♪

♪ The new boy
in the neighborhood ♪

♪ lives downstairs ♪

♪ and it's understood ♪

♪ he's there just to ♪

♪ take good care of me ♪

♪ like he's one of the family ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our days ♪

♪ and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ of our wrongs ♪

♪ and our rights ♪

♪ and I sing ♪

♪ I want ♪

Charles in charge of me ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ of our days ♪

♪ and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ of our wrongs ♪

♪ and our rights ♪

♪ and I sing ♪

♪ I want
I want ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ of me ♪♪

Right.

I've got, uh, Jamestown,
Henry Hudson, the Puritans...

I've got potato chips,
peanuts, pretzels...

Buddy, come on.
I'm trying to concentrate

on history, right?

Well, I'm trying
to concentrate on the party.

First things first.
Now...

I've got the Mayflower
and the pilgrims...

- Ouch!
- What?

I just sat on Plymouth Rock.

h*, that's very humorous, Buddy.

To you, history is a big joke.

And to history,
you will be a little joke.

Charles, I can't believe this.
You're going to spend the last

few days of your vacation
doing homework?

Buddy, I told you.
It is not homework.

It is an honor.

Out of all the students
in my summer seminar

the professor chose me
to help him.

This work, right here,
is going to change history.

Yeah, well, this party
is going to make history.

If you two don't keep it down,
you're going to be history.

- What are you up to?
- Oh, Mr. Powell,

you'll appreciate this.
My college professor asked me

to help him edit
his college history books.

Charles, you can't
rewrite history.

No, sir, not rewrite.
Just bring it up to date.

You see the books
haven't been revised since 1971,

and a lot of important events
have happened since then.

Like Watergate... uh,
the fall of Saigon,

the energy crisis...

...My first date
with Gina Delfluvio.

Yeah, and...
and other disasters.

So the professor asked me
to help him choose

what should be dropped
from the course to make room

- for more recent events.
- Charles, just remember,

there is no history
like U.S. Naval history.

[chuckles knowingly]

That's true.

Charles, you know,
this end-of-the-summer party

was your idea.
You're not giving me

any help at all.

Okay, Buddy, I'll tell you what.
You plan the party,

and if you ever need my help,
you call me,

I will drop whatever I'm doing
and give you my input.

Okay, I'll tell you what.
You plan the past.

- I'll plan the blast.
- All right.

- Charles?
- Yeah?

I don't know what to wear

to junior high orientation
tomorrow.

Well, Adam,
I doubt if it's formal,

so why don't you just
wear school clothes?

Which ones?
I've never been to junior high.

Uh, yeah, well, Adam...
Adam, wear what you wore

to the movies the other night.

Oh, good idea!
Thanks, Charles.

Yeah, but this time,
leave the gorilla mask at home.

- Thanks for carrying
my packages, Steven.
- Sure.

Oh, hi Charles.
You've met Steven Berkle.

- Yeah, hi Steve.
- Hi, uh, Charles.

Uh, Jamie, what should I do
with these packages?

Oh, just put them down.

Steven, I didn't mean
in the middle of the floor.

Oh... sorry.

Here.

Thanks.

- Uh, would you like a sandwich?
- Sure.

- Okay.
- Sure.

Steven, why don't you
wait here, okay?

Oh.

How you doing, Steven?

Hi.

Uhhh...

Yeah?

Charles?

Yo.

Um...

You know everything
about women, don't you?

No, Steven,
not quite everything, but, uh...

I'd say, I know more
about women than, oh...

...you do, for example.

Um... wha... you know...

...when you like a girl,

and she likes you...

...uh, how do you make sure
she keeps liking you?

Oh, well...

...uh, Steve, it's important
to surprise her once in a while.

You know, women love surprises.

You mean, like, sneaking up
behind her and grabbing her?

Ah, no, Steve...

Well, some women
might like that

but others would be inclined
to break your nose.

Ah, no, I was talking about,
like, uh, some spontaneous

little romantic gestures,
you know, like, uh...

Like some candlelight,
some soft music,

some flowers, you know?

Things that a girl
doesn't expect.

Ohhh.

'Cause, uh...

Uh, the thing is...

[exhales]
I think Jamie's losing interest

- in me.
- What?

Get out of here.
She's crazy about you.

Isn't she in there right now
making you a sandwich?

- Yeah.
- Here's your sandwich, Steven.

- See you later, okay?
- Ah, okay.

Bye.

- That wasn't very nice, Jamie.
- I know, and I feel guilty.

Charles, I have to talk to you.

Alone.

Oh, well.
Step into my office.

I think this is important.

- Charles.
- Yeah, yeah... yeah.

Steven is driving me crazy.

He wants to be with me
all the time.

Well, what's wrong with that?
I thought you liked him.

I do, but he's getting
so possessive.

It's like, I can't go anywhere
without him.

He was crushed when I told him
I wanted to go to high school

orientation tomorrow
with my girlfriends.

You know, Jamie...

[clears throat]
I have a feeling... that...

Steven has a feeling that...
that you have that feeling.

You, uh, haven't talked to him
about it, have you?

I tried, but he just doesn't
get it.

I told him that I would be
meeting new boys

and that he'd be meeting new
girls in high school.

He said "Fine. Maybe we can
ask a couple of them

to go with us
on a double date."

Well, Jamie,
you're pretty mature.

I think you'll work it out.

That's it? That's your advice?

Yeah, I just don't want you
to do anything rash, you know,

I... I think you should look
before you leap.

"Look before you leap"?

Charles, I could get that
from a fortune cookie.

Yeah, but you didn't have to
pay for a Chinese dinner.

Hi, Charles. High school
orientation was great.

I signed up for
cheerleader tryouts.

That's nice.

Yeah, their uniforms are
really stylish

but the colors are to gag.
I mean, purple and puce?

Uh huh.

I met a really cute
football player named Brad

and I think he liked me.

Then Kimberly started to
hit on him,

so he probably won't call me,

but I guess I could call him.

You're right, I should,
shouldn't I?

Uh huh.

Should what?

Charles, I'm never gonna
make it in Junior High.

There's so much to remember!

Different rooms
for every class,

hall locker combinations,
gym locker combinations.

I can't handle it!!

Relax, pal. Relax!
Take a deep breath.

Now, listen to me. I know
it looks intimidating,

but I promise you, you will
get used to it, okay?

Adam, millions of kids go to
junior high school.

Good, then nobody will notice
if I'm not there.

Charles, I really need your
input on a theme

for our party.

Charles, I hope you're not
dropping any important history

from those college books.

No, sir, but it is impossible
to keep everything.

I already dropped the
Mayflower Compact,

the Townsend Act,
the House of Burgesses...

Oh, no, don't drop the House
of Burgesses!

It's my favorite restaurant!

I said important history.
I have two words for you.

The Battle of Midway.

Mr. Powell, wouldn't that be
four words?

We're talking history here,
not math, Lembeck.

Second World w*r, the US Navy
assured our ultimate victory

at the Battle of Midway.

Sorry, sir, I haven't gotten
to World w*r Two yet.

Well, when you do, remember
who writes the checks

around here. Former Navy man,
Walter F. Powell.

Why is everybody putting
pressure on me?

I don't know, Charles.
You know what?

It doesn't seem fair, so just
try to relax, but first

I need a decision on the theme
for our party.

Now, I've got it narrowed down
to two choices, Roman Rampage

or Beach Blanket Blowout.

Buddy, what difference
does it make?

It makes a big difference.
Do you want girls in togas?

Or do you want girls
in bikinis?

Read my lips.
I do not care.

Okay, then we'll have girls
in togas, and in bikinis,

and we'll call it
"Roman on the Beach"

Roman on the Beach.

Oh, Charles.
- Hi, Mrs. Powell.

I wanted to talk to you.

Uh, Jamie tells me that you
spoke to her about

Steven Berkle.

Oh, yeah. She was a little
confused and she asked me

for some advice.

Well, that's very sweet, but
I'd better warn you,

it's a good policy not to get
too involved

in a teenage romance.

I only give advice.
I do not get involved.

That's an even better policy.
I have to run to the market

so I won't be long.
- Alright.

Adam, I'm doing some work in
my room.

Could you keep that
down for me? Thanks.

Sure, why not? I have nothing
to live for anyway.

[sighs] Adam.

Junior high school is not
going to be

as bad as you think.

It's gonna be worse, Charles.
I'm gonna be the shortest kid

in the whole school.

Right, so, you'll grow.

Charles, I only have two weeks
until school starts.

I won't grow in time!

I'm gonna go hang upside down
from my closet rod.

Maybe I'll stretch!

Charles, you're not planning
on staying in the living room

are you?
- No.

Good, because Brad
is coming over.

Okay.

Who's Brad?

The football player
you told me to call.

The who I told you to what?

[doorbell ringing]

Oh, hi Brad. Come on in.
- Thanks.

Charles, this is Brad.

Hey, Charles. Jamie told me
a lot about you.

Oh, good.

Charles, we don't want to keep
you from your work.

Right. Yeah. Thank you.
It was nice meeting you, Brad.

Come on, sit down.
- Thanks.

So...
- So...

You said on the phone
that you wanted to learn

about football.

Oh, yeah! See, I figure,
if I get to be a cheerleader,

I should have some idea of
what you guys are doing

out there.

That's good. Uh, you know,
a couple of the guys

on the team are having a party
tomorrow night.

I thought maybe you would
like... [doorbell ringing]

Hold that thought.

Surprise!
- Steven!

Flowers...

Uh...
Candlelight...

...and music.

[violins playing
Love Me Tender ♪]

Steven, are you crazy?

Wait a minute. Who's he?
- That's Brad.

[violins continue]
Well, what's he doing here?

I invited him.

Uh, excuse me. Could you
hold it down in here, please?

What are you doing here?
And what is all this?

It's romance.
Don't you like it?

No, it's really dumb!

Look, I'm trying to study
in my bedroom.

Well, it wasn't my dumb idea.

Then who's dumb idea was it?
- Charles!

Excuse me.

Charles!

Ooh, flowers!
Thank you, Jamie!

Brad, I swear I had nothing
to do with this.

Charles told you
to come over here?

Yeah! He said I should
surprise you with flowers

and candlelight and music.
[violins start up again ♪]

Okay, stop! Stop!

That is very pretty, guys,
but that is enough. Thank you.

Bye.

[whistling Love Me Tender ♪]

Hold it, Charles.
I wanna talk to you.

I don't know, Jamie, you have
guests and everything...

Charles!

Well, discussion might be
helpful, what do you think?

You know, I should really put
these in some water.

How could you interfere
in my life?

Jamie, all I did was give
Steven a little advice.

Nobody asked for your advice.

Steven did, and you did.

Did you, or did you not
ask me for advice?

Yes, and you said
that I should call Brad!

See, Jamie, I don't remember
actually saying...

And then you put Steven up to
coming over here!

No! No, that's not the way
it happened.

Charles, could you come in
here for a minute?

Uh, Sarah, I'm kinda busy
right now.

Okay, but if those boys get
blood on the furniture,

don't say I didn't warn you.

Stop, guys...
Stop!

[Charles]: Hey, hey!
Come on, guys. Break it up.

Come on... Whoa!

Hi!
What's everyone doing?

Charles, be careful!

Thank you for your concern.
[scuffling]

Hey! Hey!
What's going on here?

I got it, I got it...
Alright, alright.

Charles! Charles!

If you and your little friends
are gonna play rough

you should go outside.

They're my friends, Grampa!

Charles!

Hi, Mrs. Powell.
You been marketing, huh?

What is going on?

Oh, it's just a little
misunderstanding

I'll say! I think
you misunderstand

what your job is.
We're not paying you

to beat up on Jamie's
boyfriends.

They started it!

You should have more sense
than they do.

I'm disappointed in you,
Charles.

Charles, I warned you about
getting involved.

Steven, come in the kitchen.
I'll get you a bandage.

Yeah, I'm leaving!
- Wait, Brad!

Jamie, you let me know when
you dump that dweeb.

Thank you for a lovely
evening, Charles.

Jamie, Steven's still here.
- Oh, really?

You're his advisor.
Advise him that I never want

to see him again.

I just work here.

Charles, how can you eat a
sandwich at a time like this?

I'm sorry, Sarah. I didn't
know Lent had started.

What are you guys doing here?

Steven has something he wants
to say to you.

Go ahead, Steven.

Yeah, um, well...
Uh...

Jamie's spending all her time
with Brad,

and she won't even speak
to Steven.

I hate to hear that, Steven.

Oh, it...
Um... Uh...

What he means is, he was just
following your advice.

I know that, and I'm really
sorry things worked out

the way they did.

Well, uh... Eh...
Uh...

Uh...

You hear that, Charles?

Steven's miserable and it's
your fault.

Now, what are you gonna do
about it?

Uh... Well...
Um...

Thanks for carrying my
packages, Brad.

Sure, no problem.

Uh, what do you want me to do
with these?

Oh, just put them down.

Not in the middle
of the floor.

Okay.

So, uh, what do you want
to do tonight?

Tonight?

Oh, I've really got
to study tonight.

Study? School doesn't start
for a couple of weeks.

Oh, I know, but why wait
'til the last minute?

Well, how about tomorrow?

We can go swimming.

Swimming?

Oh, no. It ruins my hair.

Uh, well we could go on
a picnic.

I'd get ants in my hair.

A movie?

I have to wash my hair.

Oh, well, maybe I could call
you and ask you tomorrow.

Maybe you can.
- What time?

Well, why don't we just play
it by hair... I mean ear.

Okay. Whatever you want.
- Thanks. Bye.

Hi, honey.
- Hi.

Sweetheart, is something
bothering you?

Oh, it's about guys.
You wouldn't understand, Mom.

Well, this may surprise you,
but I used to go out with guys

a couple hundred years ago.

Mom, do you know what it's
like to meet a guy,

and all you can do is think
about how great it would be

to go out with him?
Then you do go out with him

and all of a sudden it isn't
great anymore?

You feel like all you want to
do is get away?

Yes, I remember
that feeling well.

Mom, does it ever change?
- Yes.

Sweetheart, some day you are
going to meet a boy

and you will find that being
with him is even better

than wanting to be with him,
and that's when it changes.

Hi, I'm home.

Oh, hi, Charles.
Jamie, I have to go upstairs

and get ready for a meeting,
so we'll talk more

about this later.
- Thanks, Mom.

So, how's it going with Brad?

Oh, it's going...
not so hot.

It's like it was with Steven.

Why do guys get so
possessive, anyway.

Well, guys get possessive
when girls start acting

like a possession.

What does that mean?

Jamie, one thing I learned
from my project is that

history repeats itself.

See, you started out the same
way with Brad

that you did with Steven.

You're devoting all of your
time to Brad, and naturally,

he's gonna get possessive,
just like Steven did.

Well, I didn't mean to.

Great, now I can't date Brad
or Steven.

Oh, yeah, sure you can!

If you don't date either one
of them exclusively,

they'll both know that you're
not their private property.

Date Brad and Steven?

Yeah. Yeah, that's good
advice, Charles. Thanks.

You know, having two guys
fight over me was pretty neat.

Jamie, I... I...
That's not what I meant!

Charles, you finish
your project?

Yes, sir. Oh, Mr. Powell,
yeah, I did it.

It's really exciting! You know,
when the college students open

those text books, they're going
to see my name in the credits.

Ah, but will I enjoy the new
text books?

You?
- Uh huh.

Oh, yeah! Yes, sir.
Uh, naval history is secure,

from John Paul Jones right up
to John F. Kennedy.

Good man, Charles. By the way,
have you given up

fighting with boys?
- Yes, sir.

From now on I only fight
with girls.

Oh, really?

Then you lose every time.

Hey, Sarah. What's the matter?
Why the long face?

I feel so sorry for Steven.

I wish there was something
I could do.

You don't have to, Sarah,
it's done.

Steven will live to play
the violin again.

Or, at least hire a violinist.

Now, see here's a man
who could use your help.

Adam, here, has the junior
high school blues.

He'd really like to talk to you.

Really? Okay.
Come on, Adam

When I started junior high,
I was scared too,

but Jamie was there to help me
find my way around.

I'll help you.
- How can you?

You're not gonna be the
shortest boy in school.

Well, I know how you feel.
I'm taller than everyone

in my class,
including the boys.

Yeah?
- Yeah.

Come on, we'll talk.

Hey, Charles, guess what?
Sarah's gonna beat up any kid

who picks on me.

Sarah!

Guys don't make passes
at girls who kick...

[doorbell ringing]

Hello, Charles!
Are you ready to party?

You know, Buddy, as a matter
of fact, I am.

Finished my assignment,
the house is secure,

and I am ready for a night
of summer blowout.

Where's it gonna be?

Well, you said any location
was fine with you, so...

Surprise!

It just doesn't
seem fair, Jamie.

If Steven dated another girl,
I bet you'd be jealous.

No way!

Bet you'd be jealous if Steven
dated Sarah.

Wrong again, lamo.
Jealousy is childish and dumb.

Well, good attitude, Jamie.

How about that, Sarah?
Would you like to date Steven?

Sure! I think he's cute!

Hey, go ahead. Be my guest.
You can date Steven any time

he asks you.
- Thanks!

Now, let's clean
the living room, okay?

Come on, I gotta make
some time. Go.

[phone ringing]
I'll get it.

Hello.

Oh, hi, Steven. I was just
talking about you.

Oh, sure, come on over,
but Steven,

if you so much as even look
at my sister,

I will break every bone
in your body.

[gasps] I'm telling!

Charles!

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ of our days and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ of our wrongs
and our rights ♪

♪ and I see, I want, I want
Charles in charge of me ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪