04x04 - Adam See, Adam Do

[bunniefuu]

♪♪

♪ The new boy
in the neighborhood ♪

♪ lives down stairs
and is understood ♪

♪ He's there
just to take good care of me ♪

♪ like he's one of the family ♪

♪ Charles in charge of our days
and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge of our
wrongs and our rights
and I see ♪

♪ I want Charles in charge of
me ♪

♪ Charles in charge of our days
and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge of our
wrongs and our rights
and I see ♪

♪ I want, I want
Charles in charge of me ♪

I don't see why you need
a lock on your door anyway.

- I told you Buddy.
Stephanie's coming over

tonight and I do not
want to be interrupted.

Now do me a favor,
go outside

and test this thing for me,
will you?

All right, hang on a second.

Wait, all right try and get in,
Buddy.

[Buddy] Charles,
open the door, quick!

Open the door!

[Charles] What do you want?
What's wrong?

- Nothing, you told me to try
to get in.

- Did your brain
come pre-assembled

or did you glue
it together yourself?

Go out there and try to get in
the right way, all right?

All right, go ahead.

[Buddy] I can't Charles,
it's locked.

- Yes, yes, I'm free!

Now the kids
can't walk in unexpectedly.

- Hi Charles.

- What are you doing here?

- Oh I was just taking
a shortcut upstairs.

Hey, how come you put a bolt
on your door?

- Because I can't afford
a pit bull.

Look Jamie, I-I have to
have some privacy, okay?

I need some privacy
so I can, meditate.

- Hi Charles.

- Stephanie,

I thought you weren't coming
over till tonight.

- Oh why don't I leave you two
alone in case you feel like,

meditating.

- What's up?

- Look Charles,

I've been thinking
about tonight.

I think we should call it off.

- You want to call off
our date?

- Not just our date,
our relationship.

Look, I like you a lot

but I can't go on sharing you
with the Powell children.

I know it's your job
to take care of them

but I have two little brothers
and a sister at home.

I just don't want the same
problems when I'm on a date.

- No, no, no, Stephanie,
those were the old days, okay?

From now on when you and I
are together,

they'll be no distractions
and no kids.

I promise.

Come on.

- Well, I guess it wouldn't
hurt to come over tonight.

- Okay.

Bye
[Stephanie] Bye.

[Buddy] Way to go, Charles!

Yes, yes, yes, yes,
that's my man!

- Buddy, have you been standing
out there the whole time?

- Well no, part of the time I
was kneeling at the keyhole.

Charles, it looks to me
like you're in for a night
to remember.

- Oh I am, Buddy.
I got my girl

and I got my deadbolt.

There's not gonna be
any distractions tonight.

- It's over Charles.
I can't take it anymore.

Sell my bike
and give the money to charity,

I'm leaving for good.

- Adam, don't run away tonight.

If you do, I have to come
looking for you.

Wait till tomorrow
and then I can help you pack.

[Adam making choking sounds]

- Adam stop strangling yourself.

You're being selfish.

Now I'm your sister,
let me strangle you.

- Hey, hey, hey,
whoa-whoa-whoa!

What's going on here,
Adam?

We can't have dead bodies
lying around on the floor.

Your mom just vacuumed.

What's going on?

- Adam's class is having
a Sadie Hawkins dance.

[Charles] Oh.

- You know,
where the girls ask the boys.

- Yeah, all right Adam,
come here.

Relax with your hands
for a second.

Listen to me, look you,
you can't want to strangle

yourself because a girl
didn't ask you to a dance pal.

- I know, Charles,
it's because a girl

did ask me to the dance.

I've never been
on a date before.

I don't know how to dress,
I don't know how to act,

I don't know how to dance!

I can't handle it!

- All right, Adam, Adam relax.

[Buddy] Whoa, whoa! Adam!
Adam! Adam!

Dating isn't that hard.

Now if, if this girl
doesn't respond to you,

just do what I do.

- No, Buddy,
he can't offer her money.

- Oh, well then just,
just talk to her.

- Say something romantic.
Like, how do I love thee?

- Thee?

There are no thees
in junior high school.

If I call her a thee,
she'll call me a dork.

- Well at least you'd be
a romantic dork.

- Um Jamie uh,

your little brother
needs a little help

over there.
[Jamie] Okay.

Look Adam, you are not
a dork okay?

All you have to do
is learn a few dance steps.

I'll teach you, like this.

I take it back Adam,
you are a dork.

- Thanks Jamie, I appreciate
the emotional scars.

- Adam look, all you need
is a little practice, okay?

Learning to date is,

is a lot like learning
to ride a bicycle.

- I almost broke my skull
learning to ride a bicycle.

- Adam my boy,
if you really want to learn

how to handle a girl on a date
just study the master.

- Who's the master?

- You're looking at him.

- Thanks a lot.
For a minute there

I thought you were serious.

- Oh really?
Well fine then.

Stumble through puberty
by yourself.

- Buddy isn't really
the master is he?

- Well actually,
he's the master's apprentice.

See, I taught him
everything he knows.

- Oh, so you're the master!

- Well I don't like to brag,
but yes.

- Can I study you?

- Uh, yeah sure Adam,
but not right now.

I have to go downstairs
and get ready for my date

tonight with Stephanie, okay?

- Great, I can study
the master tonight.

[Stephanie] Can I come in now?

- No, no, no.
Wait one second, okay?

Hang on, I'm coming.
I'm coming.

All right, close your eyes.
[Stephanie] Okay.

[Charles] All right, come on.
Take my hand.

Step, step, step, step,
there you go, two more.

Ready, now, one, two.
Keep 'em closed.

- Okay.

- All right, open 'em.

- Oh Charles,
that is so sweet.

- Tonight I promise you
my undivided attention.

And that's exactly
what you're gonna get.

Watch this.

Huh?
No kids, no distractions.

Tonight it's just you and me,

and a romantic trip
to the stars.

Whoops.

- Trip to the stars, huh?

Well if that's
your rocket ship,

it got here way to early.

- No wait, wait,
wait a minute, Stephanie!

It's always doing that,
it was an accident.

I've been meaning to send it
to the shop.

Bad bed!

- Look, maybe I shouldn't
have come over.

- No, no, no,
you should've come over

because we have a lot
to talk about.

Have I told you
how beautiful you are?

- Yes, but you can
refresh my memory.

- You're so beautiful that,
it makes my teeth cry.

My eyes send me
thank you notes

when I let them look at you.

- That is so sweet.

Anything else?

- Yes but, first a brief
message from my lips.

- Whoa!

- It's a peeping Tom!

- No, it's a peeping Adam!

- Adam Powell.
That's it I'm leaving.

- No Stephanie, wait a minute.
Come on...

- I'm sorry,
Charles you promised me

no kids and no distractions.

He's a kid and he's definitely
a distraction.

- Adam, you little iguana.
What are you doing?

- I was just studying
the master, Charles.

I had to.
I have a date tomorrow night.

- Yeah, well I don't!

Thanks to you
I may never have another date.

- Hey, where are you going?
I'm stuck.

Aren't you going to help me
out of here?

- Yeah.
First thing in the morning.

- Here we go kids.
Heather, you just

make yourself right at home.

- Oh, oh, oh it's you.
Where's Charles?

- How do I know Lembeck,
I just got here.

I had to pick Adam and Heather
up after the dance.

- Oh yeah.
How was the dance?

[both] Okay.

- Oh well, that's great.
So what's the deal, Heather?

Are you moving in
with Adam or what?

- Ignore him, kids.

Lembeck, Heather's father
is going to pick her up

on the way home from work.

I'm going to my club meeting,

these are nice children,
don't talk to them!

Oh Jamie, why don't you
say hello to Heather.

- Oh hi, I'm Jamie.
- Hi.

- So how was the dance?

- We didn't dance very much.

- Lucky girl.

- Jamie could I talk
to you privately?

- Sure.

- Don't you have
something important to do?

Like stuffing your bra.

- Yes Adam, and I'm gonna
stuff it right down...

- No, no, now hold it,
hold it Jamie.

I think we should leave the
two little love birds

alone for a little while, hmm?

- Oh you're right, Buddy.
So where do you want to go?

- Oh, in the kitchen.

- After you.

- Come on in.

Uh...

...my teeth send me
thank you notes

when I let them look at you.

- So?

- Just something I learned
from the master.

Uh, I have an idea.

You wanna go downstairs?
We could see my apartment.

- Um, okay.

- Hello?

- Oh Charles,
where have you been?

- Oh I was at the florist,
Buddy.

I'm trying to get
Stephanie back.

I sent her a dozen roses.

She's gotta respond
to that, right?

[doorbell]

- It worked, she's here.

Look Buddy, I think
we should be alone.

- Okay,
I'll ask her to leave.

- Go out the back door.

- Why?
What's out there?

- Go find out.

- Okay.

- I'm here to pick up Heather.

- Get away from me Adam!

[Mr. Curtis] Heather, Heather?

- How could you do that?
Eww, gross, gross, gross.

- Heather, Heather!

- Adam, what did you do
to that girl?

- What girl?
- That girl, Heather.

- Heather?
What did you do to Heather?

- Don't blame me, Charles.
You told me to study you.

I just did what you did
with your date last night.

- Look, I don't know what kind
of girls you date

but I raised my daughters
to avoid men like you.

Are you okay, Heather?

- Charles,
the roses were beautiful.

- Stephanie!
- Daddy!

- Eww, gross. Gross, gross.

- Hello Mr. Curtis,

may I speak to your daughter,
Stephanie, please?

Oh no, no, what makes you
think this is Charles?

Hello?

Hello!

Oh Stephanie, I, I, I've been
calling you all morning.

Your father keeps hanging up
on me.

- I don't blame him.

I only came over here
to give you back your roses.

Here.

Look,

last night proved to me

that you will always be
distracted by those kids.

You just don't have time
for a relationship.

So I think we should call
the whole thing off.

- You're right, we, we, uh,

we shouldn't see
each other anymore.

But um,

before we break up,
I think we should discuss

the property settlement.

- What property settlement?

- Well like,

who gets custody of my heart.

I mean it is yours but uh,

I don't think you want to
keep it anymore.

Now that it's broken.

- Oh, Charles.

Why do you have to be
so darn cute?

- I can't tell you here.

Do me a favor.

Meet me at the diner
around 7 o'clock, okay?

And we'll talk about it.

- I must be crazy,
all right.

I'll see you tonight.
But just to talk.

- Okay.


- Charles!

I am very disappointed in you.

- For you, sir.
- Don't change the subject.

I hired you to be role model
for Adam.

Now your job is hanging
by a slender thread,

and I hold the scissors.

If I don't see some
positive role modeling

pretty soon, snip snip.
Huh-huh.

- I never want to see
another girl!

- Well now,
did you hear that, Charles?

He never wants to see
another girl.

- Look Adam uh, I'm sure
that if you call Heather

and apologize to her,
she'll understand.

- And what if she does?

I still don't know how to act
on a date.

- That's your fault, Charles.

- Adam, I'll tell you what,
someday,

you and I will go on
a double date

and I'll show you how to act.
Okay?

- All right!

- All right,
that's better, Charles

but you are still on trial.

Come on, Adam,

I'm gonna tell you
what I know about women.

- Now?
- It'll only take a minute.

- Hiya, sweetheart.

- Hi, Mom.

- I tried to call you last
night, your phone was busy
for hours.

- Oh I'm sorry.

I've been devoting all my time
to Stephanie lately.

- Oh?
We talking platonic time,

we talking grandchildren time?

- We're talking hard time.

Stephanie's father hates me

and she's probably
gonna hate me.

Look, can you do me
a favor, Mom?

She and I have a date,

so can you reserve us
the corner booth?

- Of course, doodlebug.

What good is a mother
if she can't pull

a few strings
in her own diner?

- Thank you.

- And what good is a son
if he can't provide his mother

with a few grandchildren?

- Come on, one step at a time,
I mean, we can't have children

if we're not speaking
to each other.

- Don't bet on it.

- I can't believe
you said that.

- I'm really glad
you came tonight.

- Charles, I thought you said
we were just going to talk?

- We are but, there are many
ways to talk.

See, we can have
our eyes talk.

Or we could uh, we could let
our fingertips talk.

You see, I prefer to let
my mouth do my talking.

- Hi.

- Uh hello.

- Heather.
- Hi Steph!

- Adam, what are you
doing here?

- You said we could have
a double date.

- What?

- Adam, I said someday,
now if you check your calendar,

you'll see that today
is not someday,

you'll see that today
is Friday.

- I don't believe this.

- Listen,
this is embarrassing.

- Think how I feel.

I told Heather
you were a great a guy.

Please Charles,
Grampa only let us go out

because I said
we'd be with you.

- All right, why don't
you two join us.

Uh, Stephanie and I
were about to order a snack.

Have you decided
what you'd like?

- Yes, I'd like to catch
the 8 o'clock bus.

Your life is just too crowded
for me, Charles.

I'll talk to you
when I get home, honey, okay?

Bye.
- Stephanie, wait a minute.

Come on...
- Charles, wait,

if you leave me alone
with Heather,

I may gross her out again.

- All right, fine Adam.
Three minutes,

after that
I have to catch Stephanie

before she catches
the bus, okay?

- Great.
I'll get us some sodas.

- Adam, Adam!

How you doin'?

- Adam doesn't like me.

- What?
What, come on, sure he does.

- No, he doesn't.

He only went out with me
in the first place

because I asked him.

Boys never ask me out
for dates.

- You know,

boys... are very insecure.

Come here.

Now I happen to know this
for a fact, okay.

Boys, boys are very insecure.

And they get
even more insecure

when they're around
beautiful girls.

- I'm not beautiful.

- Do you think
your sister's beautiful?

- Sure.
- Oh well so do I.

And she's almost,

almost as beautiful as you are,
but not quite.

- You really think
I'm as pretty as Stephanie?

- You're prettier.

And I'm not just saying that
because you're here and

she's about to get on the bus.

She's about to get on the bus!
Will you excuse me, please?

Adam, I really have to go, just
treat her like a good friend,

find out what
she's interested in,

talk about it, okay?
You're both nice people,

You'll like each other,
go ahead.

[bus pulling away]

- Come on, Charles,

tell me what happened
with Stephanie last night.

- Buddy, my relationship
with Stephanie is over.

And my life is like
that white stuff

that floats in the water
after you boil eggs.

- Hey Charles, Heather and I
had a great time yesterday.

I can't believe it.

And even though you acted
like a total dweeb yesterday,

the advice you gave me
actually worked.

- Hey, hey, hey,
show a little sensitivity

around here.

Charles just got dumped
by the woman he loves.

- The master was dumped.

That makes me the new master.

Tough break, Charles.

You could be my apprentice.

- You had to tell him,
didn't you?

[doorbell]

[Walter] Doorbell!
- I got it.

[Walter] Doorbell!

- Yes, yes, sir.
I got it.

- Charles,
I want to talk to you

and I want to talk to you
right now.

- Mr. Curtis, whatever...

Adam did to Heather
was not my fault.

- It's not what Adam did,
it's what you did.

- Mr. Curtis, whatever Charles
did to Stephanie,

it's not his fault.

- I didn't do anything
to Stephanie.

- I'm talking about Heather.

- You had a date with Heather?

- No, he had a talk
with Heather.

Come here, Charles.
Charles...

You made an insecure
little girl very happy,

and you gave her something
she really needed, confidence.

Thank you.

- Oh, my pleasure.

- Mr. Curtis,
maybe you could

put in a good word
for Charles with Stephanie.

She's not speaking
to him anymore.

- She isn't?
That's wonderful!

I told her not to.

It's the first time
she's obeyed me in years.

Thanks again, Charles.

- Charles, it's time for you
to take control.

Call Stephanie and tell her
to get over here.

Tell her that,
that she needs you

as much as you need her
and she knows it.

- You know something, Buddy,
you're right.

You're exactly right, and I'm
going to call her right now.

- Oh, oh, just a word
of caution Charles,

since she's not
speaking to you,

you'll probably end up
talking to yourself.

- Why would I talk to myself?
I never talk to myself.

Only a lunatic
talks to himself.

Does he think I'm a lunatic?

I'm the last guy
in the world...

- This whole evening
was wonderful.

- Well...

- Thank you.

- Thank your father for
talking you into seeing me.

Better yet, thank me.

Look Stephanie um,

I know you don't like me
being so involved

with the kids,

see I, I care about you
but I also care about them.

See, you're already grown up

and they're not.

so if um,

if uh, you know,
if that's not okay with you

and you wanna leave know,

I will totally understand,
okay?

- You will, huh?

- Yeah.

So uh,

what do you want to do?

- Well I don't...

Oops.

- Why is it so important
that we announce ourselves

before we come into your room?

- It's because he doesn't
want us to know

what he does down there.

- Jamie, that's not it at all.
It's, it's the principle.

See, we should respect
each other's rights.

Especially our right to privacy.

- Hi.

- Adam, where you going
with my toolbox?

- Heather's coming
over tomorrow.

- I know that, where are you
going with my toolbox?

- I'm going to put a lock
on my door.

- Adam, Adam, Adam!
Hold on a second!

Look pal,

I know that you want to be
alone with Heather,

but we respect your right
to privacy.

You don't have to put
a lock on your door

to keep us from
getting in your room.

- It's not to keep you
from getting in.

It's to keep Heather
from getting out.

- Adam!

♪ Charles in charge
of our days and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs and our rights,
and I see ♪

♪ I want, I want
Charles in charge of me ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪