04x10 - A Fish Called Buddy

[bunniefuu]

♪ The new boy
in the neighborhood ♪

♪ Lives downstairs
and it's understood ♪

♪ He's there just to
take good care of me ♪

♪ Like he's one of the family ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ Of our days ♪

♪ And our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ Of our wrongs ♪

♪ And our rights ♪

♪ And I see,
I want ♪

♪ Charles in charge of me ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ Of our days ♪

♪ And our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ Of our wrongs ♪

♪ And our rights ♪

♪ And I see,
I want, I want ♪

♪ Charles in charge of me ♪♪

[laughs]

He's really done it this time.

Hi.

Charles, my boy...

Do you have
any idea where Adam is?

Uh, yeah.
He's at the dentist.

Oh, you took him
to the dentist?

Well, no.
Not personally.

But you personally promised
to take him to the dentist.

Yes, sir. I know that,

but [stammers] I got somebody
else to take him.

Ah, and who did you get?

Um...I got a friend?

Lembeck. You trusted
that idiot, Buddy Lembeck.

Yes, sir. Well you see, the, the
thing is that Professor Flack

asked me to stay after class
and help him correct papers,

and well, Buddy volunteered
to take Adam to the dentist!

I mean, [stammers]
my only other choice

was to m*rder Professor Flack!

That might have been better!

Adam never got to the dentist!

Oh well...No, I, I can't believe
Buddy'd be that irresponsible.

You were the one who's
irresponsible.

Why did you depend on
that walking barnacle?

Would you accept a plea
of temporary insanity?

Only if you'd
m*rder*d Professor Flack!

- Charles, you find my grandson!
- Yes, sir.

And then, you get ready
for a court martial.

Yes, sir. Okay.

All right. I may do some hard
time for this,

but Buddy's going to the chair.

Hey...Adam.
Where ya been?

Standing outside my school.

Finally, I began starving
to death, so I walked home.

[stutters] I'm sorry.
I had to stay after class,

so I got Buddy
to come pick you up.

Buddy Lembeck?

You gotta be kidding.

Buenos Aires, Gazpachos!

I just spent the afternoon
with Felicia Valdez.

Ole?

Hey, what's wrong?

Does "the dentist"
ring a bell?

No, Charles...A Salvation Army
worker rings a bell.

Oh, man! I was supposed to
take Adam to the dentist!

- I forgot! I'm sorry!
- There you go.

You forgot? Well, that's about
par for the course, Buddy.

Every time I ask you to do
something for me,

you let me down.

I said I was sorry!

Well, the "sorry's" not gonna
cut it this time.

Well, in my judgment,
we both made a mistake.

Your judgment?

Your? Your judgment?

What judgment?

I think I'm as good
a judge as you are!

[laughs]

Judge Lembeck? Please...please,
don't make me laugh, Buddy.

Oh yeah...
If I'm so much of a joke,

then how come you keep
asking me for favors?

I didn't ask you!
You volunteered!

Of course I volunteered!
That's what friends are for!

Friends don't
let each other down!

Friends don't
put each other down!

Well then,
maybe we're not friends!

Well then,
maybe we're not!

- Fine!
- Fine!

- Goodbye!
- Goodbye!

♪♪

Sarah, shouldn't you
be eating breakfast?

I don't have time.

I have to write an article
for my school paper.

I'm calling it,
"Why Do Friendships End?"

Well, I can answer that
in one word, "Charles."

Jamie! It was Buddy's
irresponsibility

that got Charles in trouble!

That, that...
of course it was.

No, it wasn't!
You had a job to do

and you laid it off
on your incompetent friend.

It was all your fault.

I don't know why you're turning
against me, "Little Miss Powell"

Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Now I know why. Now I know...

It's because I didn't let you go
out on a date last night, right?

But that's not fair, Jamie.

You know that you're not allowed
to go out on a school night!

Yes, Charles. But you could have
made an exception last night.

Now, thanks to you,
Josh Bradley is going steady

with Marci Crawford
instead of with me!

Look, I, I don't make the rules!

All I do is enforce them.

No, Charles. All you do
is destroy relationships.

You know, mom...
Mr. Powell was right.

I should have
m*rder*d Professor Flack.

Oh, Charles! You couldn't do
anything like that!

You're just like I am. Neither
one of us could hurt a fly.

Mhmm, you're right, mom.
I couldn't hurt a fly.

Although, I did hurt Buddy...

But he had it coming.

Of course he did! Buddy is a
very irresponsible young man.

Oh well, mom,
I wouldn't say that...

You know, he's just easily
distracted.

You're right.
I judged him too harshly.

There's nothing Buddy
wouldn't do for you.

How could you say that?

He always lets me down!

You're right. You shouldn't
waste your time with Buddy.

Yeah mom, but he can't help
himself though, you know?

He's like a little kid.

You're right.
I've always liked Buddy.

Better than you like me?

Is that why you're
taking his side?

Charles...I know you're trying
to drive me crazy,

but it's too late.

You drove me crazy years ago.
Excuse me.

Charles! Buddy's had an
accident! He's unconscious!

[gasps]
Ahh! Ohh!

Well, maybe I should just rush
to his side

and, and make up with him,
huh, Sarah?

Charles! Charles! Did Sarah tell
you? Buddy's in a coma!

The last I heard,
he was unconscious.

Charles! Charles!
Did they tell you? Buddy's dead!

Well, that's the shortest
illness on record.

Look guys, I know what
you're trying to do...

You're trying to make me feel
bad so I'll go patch things up
with Buddy.

Well, it's not going to work,
okay?

Charles...Walter just called.
Buddy's in the hospital.

Walter says it's serious.

Wait a minute!
Which hospital?!

Buddy, you okay?

He can't hear you.
He's unconscious.

What happened?

Well, according to witnesses,

he was clearing the air flow
tubes in his fish tank

and he accidentally
inhaled an angelfish.

It lodged in his windpipe
and cut off his oxygen.

Well, why is his head bandaged?

Well, apparently he opened
a second story window

in order to get some air
and fell out.

He landed on his head and he's
been unconscious ever since...

Oh, but the good news is,
the angelfish survived! See?

Look. I, I, I don't care
about the angelfish.

I care about my friend, Buddy.

What'd the doctors say?

Well, they're running
some tests.

Mr. Lembeck could have
a cerebral edema,

or possibly a subdural hematoma.

Pl-please just tell me
in plain English.

When, when is he going
to wake up?

Well, in plain English...

he may never wake up.

♪♪

You know, none of this
would have happened

if he wasn't upset
about our argument.

It's all my fault.

Oh, Charles.
Don't blame yourself&

Look, I'm sorry for
what I said&

you know,
about you being good

at destroying relationships.

I know you wouldn't k*ll
Buddy...

intentionally.

Mom.
What'd the doctor say?

Well, they're waiting
for the test results.

Don't worry, Charles.

They'll call us as soon as
they hear anything.

Jamie, your mother took
Adam and Sarah home.

I think we should leave, too.

Yeah. You know, why don't
you guys go ahead.

I'll just, uh...

I'll just stick around and wait
for Buddy to wake up.

Charles, you look exhausted.

Will you try to get some sleep,
honey?

- Okay. I will
- Please? Okay.

[sighs]

So, what's your plan, Buddy?

Huh?

You gonna let me down again
by dying?

Well, you're not gonna
get off that easily, you know.

You owe me an apology.

Hey, come on, Buddy.
Snap out of it.

Look...

me and you got a lot of living
to do, you know?

What am I worried about?

You know...

I bet, I bet we're together 10
years from now.

Nah. Nah, longer.



♪♪

[snoring]

Well, you finally woke up!

It's about time!

Mr. Powell!
What...what happened to you?

You, you look terrible!

I think I look pretty good

considering most people
my age are dead.

[laughs]

Wait a minute!
I...I don't understand.

I, I, I'm very confused!

I guess being unconscious
for a month will do that to you.

Unconscious? Me?

Yeah!

When you...when the jury gave
you 20 years

for murdering Professor Flack,
you went into a coma!

[laughs]

I didn't m*rder Professor Flack!

Come on, Charles!

You hated Flack ever since that
day he kept you after school

and you couldn't
take Adam to the dentist.

That was 30 years ago, Charles!


Hey!
I finally got facial hair!

Wait a minute. I...

That, that was 30 years ago?

I don't remember anything that's
happened since then!

Ahh. Still pleading temporary
insanity, huh?

[laughs]

Nobody bought it, Charles.

When the District Court throws
out your appeal,

you're going to the slammer!

[laughs]

Wait a minute. How, how could I
m*rder Professor Flack?

You told the jury that a fly
landed on his head

and you hit it
with a fly swatter!

They all fell down laughing!

[laughs]

Well, they should! You can't
k*ll a guy with a fly swatter.

You did!

Of course, Professor Flack was
over 90 years old.

You're even irresponsible when
you k*ll people, Charles.

How'd you even become a college
professor?

[doorbell rings]

- Well--
- Doorbell!

Well, they, they& If I'm a
college professor,

what am I still doing working
for you?

Who else would hire a teacher
slash babysitter slash m*rder*r?

[doorbell rings]

Charles! Glad to see you
up and around again!

Buddy!

You're bald!

And fat!

You're fat and bald!

Hey, back off, Charles.

Friends don't
put each other down.

Charles is still faking
insanity.

I told him it would do him
no good.

Oh, I'm sorry, Charles.

If I'd been the judge
on your case,

you wouldn't be going to prison.

Well, I hate to remind you,
but you are the judge

of the District Court and you're
hearing his case this afternoon.

You're a judge, Buddy?

As if you didn't know.

Listen, Charles,
I'm your best friend.

I'll tell you what... I'll hear
your case this afternoon

and see if I just can't overturn
that nasty old conviction.

Oh! Oh, thanks, Buddy!
I knew I could depend on you.

[groaning]

Here you go, Wally.

Charles!

If you give me
the grisly details

of how you cold-bloodedly
m*rder*d Professor Flack,

my publisher and I
will guarantee you


You have a publisher?

Excuse me,
I've got something to do&

I sure hope
I can remember what it was.

Buddy! I, I swear.

[stutters] I didn't mean
to k*ll Professor Flack.

Charles! What's a brutal
m*rder*r like you

doing in a nice place like this?

Jamie, why are you
dressed that way?

Bad taste, Charles.

I mean, after you m*rder
a woman's husband

you shouldn't make fun
of her clothes.

Jamie doesn't have a husband!

Not anymore! You k*lled him!

She was married
to Professor Flack!

That's impossible!

Why? After you destroyed all my
other relationships,

Professor Flack was the only man
I could get.

And, then you beat him to death
with a fly swatter.

That's right, Charles, and
you're gonna have to pay for it.

Buddy! You said you were going
to help me!

Oh, yeah...I forgot.

Well, if you'll excuse me,
I have to get ready for court.

Never mind him!

Tell me the details
of your fiendish plan

to m*rder Professor Flack!

I didn't have any plan!

Look...I, I wouldn't hurt a fly!

Not unless it was on my
husband's head.

Maybe he was old, Charles,

but he had one or two good weeks
left in him.

Okay, I'm ready for court!

What was it you wanted again?

An acquittal, you idiot.

You gotta get me off, Buddy!

Oh...no problem!
That's what friends are for!

Not guilty.

Hmm...just k*lled a fly.

Look, Jamie, if, if I did k*ll
your husband,

I swear it was an accident.

Sure, Charles.

No hard feelings.

Just relax, Charles. I'm making
you a nice stiff drink.

Jamie, I swear...

I didn't know Professor Flack
was your husband.

Really?

Well, Charles, don't worry about
it because after you drink this,

all of your troubles
will be gone.

Hold it! Don't drink that soda!
It's full of sugar!

You don't want to go to prison
with cavities, do you?

My only brother
and he had to be a dentist.

Adam's not a dentist!

Of course I am!
What else would I be?

Now open up that mouth,
let's get a load of those teeth.

Ah, ah! Hey! Hey!
Hey! Stop that!

Why, that molar's
gonna have to come out!

I'll get my pliers.

Something...
something's going on here,

but I just can't quite put my
finger on it.

Has my agent called today?

Mom!

[gasps]

How dare you call me mom?

I'm, I'm far too young for
mother roles!

Take my wrap.

Oh boy.
Ol' Looney Tunes is back.

Jamie. Wh-why, why is my mother
wearing a straitjacket?

You drove her crazy, Charles.

We had to put her in
"The Asylum for Mothers of
Convicted Murderers"

The problem is, she keeps
breaking out.

Take your hands off my wrap!

It's mink, you know.

It's a gift
from the late Steven Spielberg.

No! No!
Steven Spielberg is dead?

No, just late!

He was supposed to
pick me up today

and take me to the dentist.

Well...I don't need him
because I'm a star.

Excuse me,
my fans are waiting for me.

Mom! Mom! Wait a minute!

Mom! Mom!

Young woman, if you're waiting
to get my autograph,

you're going to have to stand in
line with everyone else.

Mom!

I'm ready for my close-up,
Mr. DeMille.

Lillian! Lillian!
You're loose again.

That's a lie! I was never loose,
just friendly.

Charles,
give me the inside story!

How did you feel after you
m*rder*d Professor Flack?

I, I don't know!
I don't, I don't remember!

I'm getting dizzy.

Oh! Just sit down!

Tell me everything!

He can't talk now.
He has a bad tooth.

Hold on, I'll get that little
sucker outta there in no time.

Leave the poor man alone, Adam.

He's still exhausted from
murdering my husband.

m*rder? m*rder?
Out, damned spot!

Spot? Is that dog
in the house again?

Charles! It's me!
Judge Lembeck!

Buddy! What happened?

I kept my promise.

You won't have to spend
any time in prison.

Oh!

I got you the death penalty!

The death penalty? You idiot!

You were supposed to
reverse my conviction!

Oh, I forgot.

You forgot?

[laughing]

You idiot!

Charles, didn't you ever make
any mistakes?

Yes, but I always do my best!

So do I!

I'm innocent!

Not anymore!
You just k*lled me!

Buddy!

Buddy, wake up!

Buddy, don't die! Buddy!

Buddy, wake up! Please don't
die! Buddy, wake up!

Buddy! Don't die, Buddy!
Please, Buddy. Wake up.

Buddy, don't die!
Wake up, Buddy!

Buddy...

Look, um, look.
I-I'm sorry.

I, I know that, I know that you
don't mean to let me down!

I know that you always try
to do your best and...

It's just that...you know,

you, you-you're not good at
doing your best.

I mean, only you could swallow
and angelfish.

I, I need you, Buddy, you know?

So...

so you can't go anywhere.

You know, I, I need um,

I need all the fun things that
we do together and...

I need, uh, I need the craziness
and the laughter, you know?

I need, um...

I, I, I need to be with you,
Buddy!

I need ya...

Look, uh...

I'll be right back,
so don't go anywhere.

[groans]

[coughing]

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Buddy, you're alive!
You're alive!

How do you feel?

Um, I'm a little dizzy.

Listen, um...

I want to talk to you
about that argument we had.

What argument?

I forgot.

I'm telling ya... women do not
like irresponsible men.

So if you want more women,
Buddy,

you gotta be more responsible.

You think so?

I know so.

Mr. Lembeck, I'm going off duty
now, but I'll see you tomorrow.

Oh, but I may not
be here tomorrow.

Oh, don't say that!

If you're not here,
I don't want to be here!

I love you, Mr. Lembeck!

But, I'm totally irresponsible!

I know! That's why I love you!

Take me, you irresponsible
sex symbol!

Oh...yeah. I should have known
I'm having another dream.

Charles, this isn't your dream.
This is my dream!

Oh. Good. Enjoy.

♪♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ Of our days ♪

♪ And our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ Of our wrongs ♪

♪ And our rights ♪

♪ And I see,
I want, I want ♪

♪ Charles in charge of me ♪

♪♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪♪