05x03 - Three Dates and a Walnut

[bunniefuu]

[♪

[♪ theme

[♪ theme music]

♪ The new boy
in the neighborhood ♪

♪ lives downstairs
and it's understood ♪

♪ He's there just
to take good care of me ♪

♪ like he's one of the family ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our days ♪

♪ and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs ♪

♪ and our rights ♪

♪ And I see,
I want ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of me ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our days ♪

♪ and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs ♪

♪ and our rights ♪

♪ And I see,
I want ♪

♪ I want ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of me ♪♪

♪ ♪

- Julia's leaving now, kids.
- [all] Bye, Julia!

- Well, togetherness.

It's nice to see you youngsters
can be in the same room
without bickering.

- Oh, I can,
but Jamie can't.

She pretended she wanted to go
to the baseball game with me,

just so she could glom on
to Jeff Diller.

- Oh yeah?

Well, Adam asked Sarah
to read her essay
just so he could copy it.

- Well then, you are both
looking for trouble.

A great poet once wrote,

"Oh, what a tangled web
we weave,

when first we practice
to deceive."

- Well, can we practice
it tomorrow?
We're late for school.

- I've got to run too, Walter,
But I'll be back,

I uh, have a surprise for you...
- Oh.

- Later.
- [chuckles]

Charles, I am crazy
about that woman.

- Oh, I can tell, Mr. Powell.
You've been dating her
for a long time now.

- Well, why should I date
anyone else?

Julia's the only woman for me.
[knocks on door]

- Hey, Mr. Powell,
I have a surprise for you.
Guess who's here?

Time's up, it's my grandma
from California.

- Gloria!
- Walter, ohh...
[both laugh]

Oh Walter, mm... [kiss]
Hello, Charles, mm... [kiss]

Oh, Walter...

It's been a long time.
- Yeah.

- Yeah, the last time
you saw him,
he insulted you.

- Buddy, puh-lease.

I've forgotten
that entire incident.

- You have?
Well, what happened was,

was Mr. Powell said a lot
of disgusting things
to Charles and me

about your first date
when you two were young
and foolish.

- She knows!

- Sure, now.

- Walter, I don't think
old friends should
carry grudges.

I'm only in town for the day,
but I thought

maybe we could
have dinner together, huh?

- Well, that sounds wonder--
oh, I've got a great idea.

I know a restaurant
called the Maison D'Amour.

How does that sound?
- Perfect.

Why don't I meet you there at,
say, six o'clock, all right?
- Okay.

- All right, mm... [kiss]
Bye-bye, Charles.
- Bye.

- Oh...

[kiss]
- [exclaims]

- "Oh, what a tangled web
we weave,

when first we practice
to deceive."

Oh...
- Oh, no, no, no, no,

Charles,
there is no deception here.

Gloria and I
are just old friends.

Besides, I'm a very honest man,

and Julia is
a very understanding woman.

- Oh, you mean
you're gonna tell Julia

that you have a date
with Gloria tonight?

- [chuckles]
Of course not.

I may be honest,
but I'm not stupid.

- Oh, he's weaving
a tangled web.

- Hey, worm.

Still want to go
to that baseball game tonight?

- You know I can't, Jamie.

I have to stay home
and write an essay

about Edgar-Stupid-Allan-Poe.

- Well, not
if you copy Sarah's essay.

And I know where she keeps it.

Look Adam,
here's the bottom line.

I will give you Sarah's essay

if you take me
to the baseball game tonight.

- You mean, with Jeff Diller?

- Adam, I love baseball.

Especially the kickoff.

Do we have a deal or not?

- We have a deal.

- Hey.

You two guys
are shaking hands.
Why?

- Well, we were just following
Grampa's orders to get along.

Come on, Adam.
Let's get along.

[door bell]

- [clears throat]

Oh, hi, come on in.
Mr. Powell?

Mr.--
Julia's here.

- Oh...
[chuckles]

- Here's your surprise,
Walter.

For you,
on the first anniversary

of our very first date.

- Hm, oh yes.
Uh, September 22nd.
A year ago.

[chuckles]
I knew that.

A wristwa--

Thank you, Julia.
Thank you.

- And what's your surprise
for her, Mr. Powell?

Go ahead, give it to her!

- My surprise?

[stammers]
Oh, I was

going to take her
somewhere, uh,

someplace very special.

- Don't tell me.

We're going back
to that restaurant

where we had
our very first date--

The Maison D'Amour.

Oh, Walter, I love it!

I'll meet you there
at eight o'clock, okay?
- Eight it is!

- Oh... [kiss]

- What a woman, huh?

- Yeah, yeah, I just hope
Buddy's grandmother likes her,

since the three of you
will be dining
together tonight.

- Tonight?
No, no.

No, my anniversary with Julia
is tomorrow, on the 22nd.

- Today's the 22nd.

- It is?
Good lord.

I made a date
with Gloria tonight.
I can't just break it.

- Of course you can't.
You have to break
your date with Julia.

- I wouldn't just be
breaking a date,

I'd be breaking a heart.

I don't want
to hurt Julia, but...

Well, I don't want to hurt
your grandmother, either.

- No, wait, Mr. Powell,
maybe you don't have to.

My grandma leaves
on a nine o'clock plane.

You could take her
to the airport at 8:00,

and be back at the restaurant
with Julia by 8:30.

- No!
Buddy...

Ain't you listenin', boy?

No, we can't do that.

His date with Julia
is at 8:00.

Now what's she supposed to do
between 8:00 and 8:30?

- You're right, Charles.
What I need is a good friend...

Oh...
A good friend.

A good friend who will keep
Julia occupied just until
I get back.

- Mr. Powell,
please don't ask me.

I'm not very good
at deception.

- Okay, Charles.
Okay, fine.

I'll, uh, I'll get somebody
from my club to help me.

I'm not angry, Charles.

It just hurts...

Hurts...

When a friend lets you down...

Excuse me.

[sighs]

- Here you go, boys.
- Thanks, Mom.

- Aunt Lillian?
If you had a date with a man,

and that man had a date
with another woman
at the same time,

but you didn't know
about that date,

would you be mad?

- Who's the man?

- Walter.
- Cronkite!

- Charles, Charles!
Everyone at my club
is busy,

you're gonna have
to help me.

- No...
- No, wait,
just a minute.

You're going to have
to keep Julia occupied

at the restaurant while
I take Gloria to the airport.

- No, Mr. Powell,
I can't do that.

- I can, Mr. Powell.
Let me do it.

- You, Lembeck?

In the first place,
Gloria's your grandmother.

If she sees you
in the restaurant,

she's gonna ask you
why you're there,

and you're just insane enough
to tell her.

- She won't even know me,
Mr. Powell.

I am a member
of the college drama department.

- So?
- I am a master of disguise.

- Oh?

- When I'm in costume,
my own mother
wouldn't even know me.

In fact, sometimes
she doesn't know me

even when I'm not in costume.

- Well, I guess it's any
old port in the storm.

All right, Lembeck.

It's storming,
and you're an old port!

- Oh, you won't be sorry,
Mr. Powell.

- I have a feeling
everybody's gonna be sorry.

- Not your mom.
She has a date
with Walter Cronkite.

- Hi, wanna play cards, Grampa?
- Oh, not now, Sarah.

I have to get my dry-cleaning
out of the car.

I have dates tonight.

- Dates?
- Uh, I mean a date.

One date.
One big date.

The Maison D'Amour.
God help me.

- Oh, good for you!

- Actually, I brought
two different disguises
over, Charles.

You can help me pick
the one that looks
the best.

- "Oh, what a tangled web
we weave,

when first we practice
to deceive."

- Hey, that rhymes.

Do you mind if I give that
to my English professor

and tell him
that I made it up?

- I think you should.

[door bell]

[door bell rings rapidly]

- Hi, Sarah, remember me?

- Oh, uh...

Dodo!
- Yeah.
- Yes!

- You were
Professor Bunt's sister,

and almost my grandmother.

- Right, right.

I just finished taking
an Army combat training course.

I thought I'd spend
the afternoon with my brother,

and the night
with your grandfather.

[laughs]

- I know!
Grampa said he was
taking you

to the Maison D'Amour
tonight.

- He did?

Oh, I didn't even know
he knew I was in town.

That's great.
I love that Maison D'Amour.

Okay, tell him I'll meet him
at the restaurant

at 8:00, okay?
- Okay.

- Gotta run, kiddo!

I got people to do
and things to see.
[laughs]

- Well, here it is.
My good suit.
- Oh, nice.

- Oh, the gray one.
Dodo will like that.

- She should, it cost...

Did you say, "Dodo?"

- Yes!
Your date, Dodo Bunt.

She was just here.
She said she'd meet you

at the Maison D'Amour
tonight at 8:00.

- Dodo is here!

Dodo!

All right...

All right,
I'll call every hotel in town
until I find her,

and I'll simply say
that I cannot see her tonight.

Charles, I can't do that.
I almost married that woman.

- Mr. Powell, you cannot have...

You cannot have three dates
on the same night, I mean...

Even if you had somebody
pick Dodo up at the restaurant,

and take her back here
so you could meet her later,

it would still be
very dangerous.

- Charles, that's brilliant.
After you pick Dodo up,

you could tell her
that Mr. Powell

had an emergency at his club.

- Me?
Are you nuts, Dodo would
never believe me.

- Well, she would if you looked
like a member of his club.

I have an extra disguise!
- No, you're missing...

You're missing
the point, Buddy.
It's a dumb plan.

- What do you mean,
it's a dumb plan?

It's your plan, Charles.

You can't initiate a plan,
and then just drop it.

- [stammers]
Fine, okay, I'll do it.

But I still think
it's a dumb plan.

I mean, all it'll take
is for one little thing
to go wrong.

- What could go wrong?

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

- Mr. Powell?

- Commander Lipton?

- No, no,
it's me, Charles,

with facial hair.

What are you doing here?

You're supposed to be
taking Gloria to the airport.

- Gloria is in the powder room.

She got here 30 minutes late.

- Well, let's just hope
your other two dates are late.

- Yeah, just don't panic.
Don't panic.
We're not in any trouble.

As long as we can get
Gloria out of here

before Julia and Dodo arrive.

- [Buddy]
Here's me jackets.

[scatting]

[a la Popeye]
Ah, ga, ga, ga, ga...

[gruff voice]
Avast, me hearties.

Break out the laurels,
and we'll down us

a keg of laurels and hearties!
- [Charles] Shh!

- Do you still remember
the plan?

- Aye, cap'n!
- Shh!

- [normal voice] Okay...
Charles, I take Dodo
to the airport,

and Charles takes
my grandmother to the house.

- [Charles] No.
- No, no, no.

You don't go anywhere
near the airport.

You take Julia
to the house...
No!

I mean, you take Julia here.

- Julia is here.
- Oh, my God.

- [gruff]
Hmm, I think I'll have
the spinach.

[normal voice]
Okay, um...

I take Dodo to the house,

and Charles takes Julia
to the airport.

- No, Buddy!
Your assignment is Julia.
Dodo isn't even here yet.

Now she is.
- Oh, my God.

- [gruff] The spinach looks
doubly delis-cous.
Hmm...

[normal voice] Okay, uh...
Julia is my assignment?
- Right.

- Here I go.
- All right.

- [gruff] Argh!
You must be Julia Meyers.

The name's Larsen.
Wolf Larsen.

Mr. Powell had an emergency
at his club,

and he sent me here
to entertain ya.

Yoo-hoo-hoo
and a barrel of thumbs!

- Is this a strip-o-gram?

Oh, tell me the truth, Wolf.

Are you going to take
your clothes off

and sing, "Happy Anniversary?"

- Uh... [clears throat]

[gruff voice]
How you doin', Dodo, uh...

My name is Ed,
I'm a friend of Walter Powell's.

He--uh, he had an emergency
at his club

and he asked me--
in fact he insisted,

that I take ya
to his house.

- Okay, fine,
but first we eat.

- I'm back.
- [laughs]

Gloria, I paid the bill
while you were gone,

so we'd better
get out of here right now
or you're gonna miss your plane.

- Oh, Walter, relax.

I just cancelled
my plane reservations,

so that means we can spend
the whole evening together.

- You cancelled your
plane reservations?
- Uh-huh.

- Oh, no!
I mean, good.
Good, good.

Let's leave anyway.
I mean, this place is getting
terribly crowded.

- Fine, we can have
a nightcap at your house.

- My house?
- Uh-huh, come on.

- [gruff]
Uh, check, please.

- We haven't even
ordered yet.
- Uh, well, then...

Why should we pay
for it, Dodo?
You know what,

let's go over to Walter's house
where the food is free,
all right?

- Tell me, Wolf.

What are you supposed to do
with me until Walter shows up?

- [gruff]
Take you to the house.
Shall we go?

- [gruff] Sure!
[coughs]

I mean, if this is part
of Walter's surprise,

why should I spoil it?

[scatting]

- So, you were
in the Navy, huh?

They give you
any combat training?

- [gruff]
Uh, yeah, yeah.
I'm a lethal weapon.

- Really?
Well, I just finished

taking an army combat course.

You want to go down
in the basement and practice
attacking me?

- Uh, no,
no thank you, Dodo.

- Well, I do.
Move it, Ed, it's wartime!
- No--wait...

- Land, h*!

Shall we go
into the gallery

and have us a cup
of javelin?

- Why not?

Never let it be said
that I lack a sense of humor.

- Hmm.

- Oh, Gloria, it's very late.
You must be exhausted.

Uh, I mean, as much
as I hate to, if you insist,

I'll drive you back
to your hotel.
I mean, if you insist.

- Oh, Walter, no!
I'm not tired,
I feel great.

I know, why don't we look
at those old photographs

you took of us
on our first date?

Wouldn't that be fun?
- Uh, no.

I mean, yes.
Yes.

I'll, uh, go get them.
I'll get them for you.

I'll get the photographs...
Photographs...

Yes, here they are, Gloria...
Here...

Here...
Here we are...

Here we are,
and there we go.

- Ah, ah, ah,
Walter!

Not so fast.

- [gruff]
Well, a little grog to cure

whatever it is
little grogs cure!

I propose a toast.

To the Navy.

Uh...

[stammering]
My real mustache

got blown off in the w*r!

- Who's this, Walter?
- Uh...

Uh, her name is Dodo.
Dodo!

Uh, excuse me.
Excuse me.

I'm going to have
to move the car
in front of the house,

so they'll know we're home!
- Who?

- Who?
Uh, burglars.
I'll be right back.

- Oh!
Hello.

I'm Julia.
I'm looking for Walter Powell.

- Hi, I'm Gloria.

Is Walter expecting you?

- Well, he should be.
I have a date
with him tonight.

- Hi, I got an injured man
down on the basement floor.

Do you know where they keep
the first aid kit here?

- Who are you?

- Oh, name's Dodo.

I'm Walter Powell's
date tonight.

- What?

- Well, well, well.
[laughs]

I'm Gloria.
- Hi.

- And this is, ah...
- Julia.

- Julia!
- How are you?

- And it seems
that the three of us

have a date
with Walter tonight.

- I can't believe that.

I've been going with Walter
for a year.

If that son of a barnacle

has made a date
with all three of us...

He's gonna pay for it.

- All I know is,
I had a date with him tonight.

- Well, so did I.

- Then let's make sure
he pays.

Wolf, I can no longer
hide my true feelings.

I must have you now.

- I'll just make us
a nice hot cup of tea, and...

- Lembeck!

Get your hands off
of my date!

[thud]

- What do you mean,
"your" date?

I'm your date.
- No, you're not!

Walter and I
are practically engaged.

- Walter, what's going on here?

- Yes Walter, what is going on?

- Yeah, Walter!

If that's your real name!

- [Charles, gruff]
Uh, all right, don't...
No, no, back off...

Look, I don't want to play
w*r anymore, okay?

- Neither do I, Eddie.

There's a time to fight,
and a time to love.

- [groans]
- Guess which time
it is now?

- [slurring] I don't know.
- Mmm, mmm...[kisses]

- Charles?

[thud]

Dodo, how could you?

- What do you care
how she "could?"

I'm your date tonight.

- What are you talking about?

I'm his date.
- No, he's my date.

Walter wouldn't
make a date

with all three of us,
would you, Walter?

- Uh, Mr. Powell...

Mr. Powell, allow me.

[sighs]
It's me, Charles.
- Charles...

- [clears throat]

Ladies...
Dodo...

Now...

Mr. Powell made dates
with all three of you,
because...

He couldn't bear the thought
of hurting any of you.

Now, I know Mr. Powell well,
and he's a fine man.

He's a decent man.
He's a good man.

- Actually, I was thinking
of myself.

- He's a selfish man.

- That's true.

Gloria...

You made me realize that...

Well, that my past
wasn't just a dream.

And Dodo...

Well, you made me
feel young again.

And Julia...

Julia, you've given me
a future.

I was selfishly
just thinking of myself,

and I never once
gave one thought
to your feelings.

Can you find it
in your hearts to forgive me?

- [all]
No.

- At least not tonight.

- Well, I am starving.
You gals want to grab
a bite to eat?

- Yes.
- Oh, what a nifty idea.

- See you later, Walter.

- Well, I tried
to warn you, Wally,

but you just wouldn't listen.

- Lembeck...

- Excuse me,
my coffee's getting warm.
- Lembeck...

- Hey, Charles.

Going to
a masquerade party?

- Ah, I already went.
How was the ball game?

- Terrible.
Jeff Diller didn't even
sit with us,

he sat with his friends instead.

- It's not my fault,

but I still get to keep
Sarah's essay,
like you promised.

- Jamie, you gave Adam
my essay?

- Yeah, but I suffered for it.

You know, I had to sit through
an entire baseball game,

and I nearly froze to death,

because I couldn't find
my new jacket.

- Oh, well, good night,
everybody!

- Uh, Sarah...

Uh, you wouldn't
happen to know

where Jamie's new jacket is,
would you?

- Um...

I believe it's
at the cleaners.

They're removing
the spot...
- Mmm...

- That I got on it...

... when I borrowed it...

... without Jamie's permission.

- "Oh, what a tangled web
we weave..."

- Exactly.

Deception is the coward's way.

I just learned that
the hard way.

We must always,

always tell the truth.

Even if it gets us
in deep trouble.

- Does this mean
I'm grounded?

- It means everybody
in this house is grounded.

- Even you?
- Even, especially, me.

I've been a bad boy.
Now...

Everyone to our rooms.

- Well, Charles...

Another day, another disaster.
- Yeah...

I just hope you learned
something from this, Buddy.

- Well, sure I did.
See, I learned

that you can't keep
a mustache on
with just regular glue,

so I put mine back on
with industrial strength glue.

- Really?

Let's test it.
- [screams]
♪ ♪

♪ ♪

- Buddy, you do not
have to call Julia

and break up with her.
She's not in love with you.

It was a trick she was
playing on Mr. Powell...

- Shhh!
- Fine, fine.

- Hello, this is
Buddy Lembeck...

I know you want me, but--

you can't have me.

I'm an honorable man.

You would?

Okay, Julia,
I'll be right over!

- Hello, men.
- Hi.

- Julia decided to forgive me
after all, so, uh...

Excuse us.

- If Julia's here,
who were you talking to?

- I don't know, Charles.
I must have dialed
the wrong number.

But I'm gonna
find that girl,

if I have to go through
the entire phone book.

- That would take weeks.
- I don't care.

She said if
I came over, she'd...

[inaudible]

- Uh, you call out numbers,
I'll dial.

[♪ theme music]

♪ Charles in charge
of our days ♪

♪ and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs ♪

♪ and our rights ♪

♪ And I see,
I want ♪

♪ I want ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of me ♪

♪♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪♪

[fanfare]