05x22 - Teacher's Pest

[bunniefuu]

♪

♪ ♪

♪ The new boy in the
neighborhood ♪

♪ lives downstairs
and it's understood ♪

♪ he's there just to take
good care of me ♪

♪ like he's one of the family ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ of our days and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ of our wrongs
and our rights ♪

♪ and I see I want ♪

♪ Charles in charge of me ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ of our days and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ of our wrongs
and our rights ♪

♪ and I see I want I want ♪

♪ Charles in charge of me ♪♪

♪ ♪

We have a problem, Charles.

Grandpa keeps wanting
to take us places and have fun.

No!

I'll tell you what,
you lock the doors,

and I'll call
the grandpa patrol.

It's not just that
he wants to take us places.

It's the places
he wants to take us.

Yeah, I mean, all of a sudden,

he wants us to do the things
we did when we were little kids.

Like last night,
he took us to a water slide!

It was a nightmare!
My clothes got soaking wet,

and my make-up
ran all over my sweater!

Actually, that was
the only part I enjoyed!

Quiet,
you little ball of ear wax!

Look, Charles you've gotta
find a solution to this.

I mean, we're bound to spend
the rest of our lives

watching G-rated movies
and playing hopscotch!

Yeah, Charles, I mean, Mom
hired you to take care of us.

Earn your money, man.
Make a decision!

Okay, Adam, you and your sisters
are going to military school.

Come on, Charles.
This is serious.

Jamie,
there's nothing I can do,

I'm-I'm very busy right now.
I'd like to help you guys.

Professor Corey, wants me
to be his assistant teacher

in his twentieth century
history class.

Besides, you guys should be
very grateful

that you have a grandfather
that cares that much about you.

That's easy for you to say.

I just wish you'd retire
and let Grandpa go to college.

Yeah, couldn't you just
talk to him, Charles?

Fine, but I think, I think
you're blowing this

whole thing
way out of proportion!

Kids, I am glad you're here!

On the way home,
I had a terrific idea!

Tomorrow, we're all going
to a petting zoo!

Grandpa, Charles wants
to talk to you.

Yeah, so we'll just
leave you two alone.

Okay, okay, Charles,
what is it?

Well, sir, uh, Sarah thought
that...
- Uh-huh?

You know, th-th-there are a lot
of older students

in-in my class lately.
You know,

students with maturity,
and dignity, and pacemakers.

And, so my point is, uh, uh,
would you like to enroll

for a couple of
college courses?

Are you serious, at my age?

I wouldn't be caught dead
in college

with a bunch of young
nincompoops like...

Hey, there Charles.
Mr. Powell.

See what I mean, Charles?

Yes, sir, I see what you mean.

You mean-you mean, you can't
teach an old dog new tricks!

What?
- Oh, that's not true, Charles.

I had an old dog, and I taught
him to roll over and play dead!

At least, I thought
he was playing.

Well, this is one old dog

who's not gonna roll over
and play dead!

The truth is, you can't teach
a young dog old tricks!

And you can't teach
a young frog anything!

What's he trying to teach
his frog?

He's referring
to your webbed feet.

Oh, oh yeah, that, I just came
back from my scuba practice.

You know those two girls
that we met,

Chris and Jenny,
in our history class?

Yeah.
- Well they're also
in my scuba diving club.

And, and I was talking to them

about going to the
sorority party next week.

Oh, that's great, Buddy!

Well, which one do I get,
Chris or Jenny?

Well, you can take your pick,
as long as I end up with Jenny.

Oh, oh, I almost forgot
the best part!

What?
- When I was coming over here,

I cut through
old man Flanker's backyard,

and he was filling
his bird bath.

That is a thrilling thing
to watch, Buddy.

I know, an-an-and now,
Jenny and I will have a place

to practice our underwater
breathing at night.

Oh, Buddy,
you should be very careful.
Water contains oxygen.

See, if any oxygen
reaches your brain,

you're liable to become
an airhead.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, usually
Charles and I like to go down

to his mom's diner after class
for a little fun,

and I thought maybe you girls
would like to join us.

Sure, Buddy,
we're always up for fun!

Great, with any luck you'll
live to regret that statement.

Oh, hey, Chris!
Hi, Jenny.

[in unison]
Hi Charles!

Oh, Charles, I was just telling
Chris and Jenny

about the sorority party
next week,

and they agreed to meet us down
at your mom's diner later

for a little a, uh, rehearsal!

Oh, good, but I-I may be
a little late.

You see, Professor Corey got
called to a seminar at N.Y.U.,

so I'm gonna have to
take over his class

for the next couple of weeks.

You...
that's great news, Charles!

You're my best friend.
Now, I can get my very first A!

Buddy, Charles can't play
favorites.

He has to grade us
totally on our intelligence.

Yes, th-thank you,
that answer plus, uh...

well, you'll get an 'A.'
Okay...

Why don't we, uh, everybody
take our seats, okay, um...

In case you didn't hear,

Professor Corey's
not gonna be here

for the next couple of weeks,
so I'm taking his place,

and this is Twentieth Century
History, and my name is Charles.

Charles, I thought about
what you said,

and I've decided
to sign up for class.

Oh, great, which class you
gonna take?

Well, this class.
I have to turn in
my admission card.

Where's the teacher?

I'm the teacher.

You... you're gonna teach me?
[chuckles]

Hey, Mr. Powell, I knew
we were taking history,

but I didn't realize
we'd be studying you!

Yes, yes, Lembeck, and then
when we go to zoology,

we can study you!

Okay, let's open our new
text books to chapter 12.

World w*r Two.

In October of 1941, Japan sent
diplomats to Washington, D. C..

- Whoops.
- Yes, Mr. Powell?

Well, it was November,
not October.

The Japanese diplomats came
to this country in November.

[laughing]

Uh, in Autumn of 1941,

the Japanese diplomats were in
Washington discussing peace,

knowing that their country

was about to attack
the United States.

- Whoops.
- Yes, Mr. Powell?

The Japanese diplomats had no
idea that an attack was coming.

Nobody did.
It was the best kept secret

in the history of warfare.

Thank you, Mr. Powell.

Evidence shows that the
American administration

knew about the planned attack
on Pearl Harbor,

but President Roosevelt...
- Roosevelt.

Roosevelt decided to allow
the attack to take place.

The President felt
that this was the only way

to get the United States
into the w*r

Yes, Mr. Powell.

Are you suggesting that
President Roosevelt

would let us get into a w*r
by purposely...

... sacrificing his entire
Pacific fleet?

That's ridiculous!

I mean, he may have been
a Democrat,

but he wasn't a fool!
[class laughing]

I am not suggesting anything,
Mr. Powell.

I am simply teaching history,
now let's move on.

President Roosevelt felt,
also felt that the w*r

would be good
for the nation's economy.

Yes, what is it, Buddy?

Oh, um, Mr. Powell
has his hand up.

Thank you.
Yes, Mr. Powell.

I would simply like to know

where you're getting your
misinformation?

From the textbook.

Well, then the person who wrote
the textbook is an idiot!

[applause]

If any of you would like to
know the truth about
the second world w*r,

I will gladly give
some private lessons!

Women will be allowed free.
[applause]

I was in the water for six days
'till the Navy found me.

I spent the entire time
watching the sharks

circle my life raft.
- Weren't you frightened?

No, but the sharks were!
[laughter]

Later on, I single handedly
captured 37 Chinese!

Unfortunately, they were
on our side, so it didn't count.

It's totally unreal!

You know, I was really counting
on Grandpa and his credit card

to drive me to the mall today!

He never even came home!

You think you have problems.
Grandpa was supposed to take me

to an environmental rally
tonight.

You know, I just can't believe
your grandfather

would make plans with you
and then not show up.

Well, plans
is a pretty strong word.

See, we never had
to make plans with grandpa

he was just always there.

All I know is that I have to
control Mr. Powell.

If my class
gets behind schedule,

Professor Corey's
gonna fail me!

Mom, have you seen
Chris and Jenny?

Try the back booth.
[laughter]

Hey, looks like Mr. Powell's
doin' pretty good!

If you can't find
one 60 year old woman,

find three 20 year olds!

Buddy, two of this women
are supposed to be with us!

Hi, uh, has anybody
seen Grandpa?

I've gotta tell him
about the father-son banquet

at my school
next Wednesday night.

Well, I don't think you can
count on Grandpa.

He's too busy now,
thanks to Charles!

What's the deal?!

Charles talked Grandpa
into going to college.

Looks like he's gonna be busy
for a long time.

How could you do that, Charles?

I-if Grandpa doesn't take me to
the father-son banquet,

I can't go!
- He'll take you, Adam.

He'll take... just go
over there and ask him, okay.

I can't talk to him about
something this important

while he's...
playing with girls!

Thanks a lot, Charles!

Maybe I can go to the
orphans picnic instead!

Uh, do something, Charles.

It's been a week,
and it isn't getting any better.

Now that grandpa's
'Joe College,'

he doesn't have
any time for us!

Hey, come on, you're the ones
who told me

to get him off your back,
remember?

Remember the, uh, G-rated
movies, water slides,
petting zoo?

Grandpa may have wanted us to
do a lot of childish things,

but he also did a lot of nice
things for us.

Look, here's the bottom line.

You took Grandpa away from us,
you get him back!

[Charles mumbling]

Charles, Charles, the banquet
starts in an hour.

Grandpa isn't-isn't
even home yet!

Adam, your grandfather promised
to take you, he will take you!

He didn't promise to take me.

He doesn't even know
about the banquet!

Adam, you were
supposed to tell him!

But when, Charles?

Between his school work
and extra curricular activities,

I haven't been able to find
Grandpa, let alone talk to him!

Nice, great, Adam, great!

Buddy!
- Hello, Charles.

Hello!

The sorority party is free!

You don't have to bring
your own air!

I know, Charles.
I just wanted to practice

my underwater breathing
in-between dances.

No swimming
in the living room, Lembeck.

Grandpa, your home!
- Of course, I'm home!

A certain sl*ve driving teacher

expects me to hand in a ten-
page history paper by tomorrow!

I'm gonna go get a snack,
and then get to work!

You hear that, Charles?
I'll be the only kid
in my whole class

who doesn't go to that banquet!

Because of you,
I'll probably spend the rest of
my life in therapy!

Adam, what do you
want me to do?

Chris is coming over here
in a little while.

An-and we're going to a party!

Do what you have to, Charles.

I'm used to being lonely
- Uh!

All right, Adam,
I'll cancel my date,

and I'll take you to the
banquet, okay?

Thanks, Charles.
[doorbell]

Buddy, Buddy breathe!

Why didn't you just take
the mouthpiece out?

I was afraid I would drown!
- Oh, I can't believe this!

Hi!
- Hi, Charles, hi, Buddy!

- Hi, Charles.
Ready for some fun?

Uh, uh, well, yeah, uh...

Look, something,
something has come up,

Chris, an-and, unfortunately,

I'm gonna have to
break our date.

You see, uh, I have to take
the boy here

to a father-son banquet.

I didn't know you had a son.

- Neither did I!
- I don't!

Well, then why are you
breaking our date!?

Who's breaking what date?

Charles promised to take me
to a sorority party,

and now he changed his mind.

Charles, how could you do that
to this lovely, young lady?

Well, sir, I have,
I have to take...

Would you take me
to the party, Walter?

No, no.
Walter can't go anywhere.

It's a school night,
and he has homework!

Oh-ha, a little 10 page paper?

I can write that
in five minutes!

I would be honored
to take you out, young lady!

Well, then, it's time
to party, let's go!

Don't wait up for us, Charles!

Oh, what a gyp!

♪ ♪

The banquet was really neat,
Aunt Lillian.

Charles was the
youngest father there.

Yeah, everybody spent
the whole night

trying to figure out how old
I was when Adam was born.

You know, I bet we had more fun
at the banquet than Grandpa did

taking your girlfriend
to that sorority party.

I sincerely hope so.

Speaking of Walter, have you
graded his test paper yet?

No, Mom,
but I've read it, 16 times.

His version of-of World w*r Two
is totally inaccurate.

I mean, it's like he never
even opened the textbook!

Does that mean you're gonna
give Grandpa an 'F?'

I dunno, I dunno.
I'm really in a bind.

See, if I fail him, everybody
will think I failed him
because...

he went out with my girlfriend.

Oh, sweetheart, nobody would
ever think that.

Hi everybody!
- Hey Buddy!

Charles is gonna
give grandpa an 'F!'

Why, 'cause he went out
with your girlfriend?

No, Buddy, it's because his
paper was wrong.

Charles, take my advice!

If you give Mr. Powell an 'F,'
then he'll fire ya!

Just give him a 'D minus'
and keep your job.

Buddy, if I give him...
I can't, I cannot let my job

get in the way of my job.
It's a matter of principle.

What's a matter of principle?

Whether or not Charles if gonna
give your granddad an 'F.'

Charles, how could you
give grandpa an 'F?'

You're the one who talked
him into going to college!

Oh, I know why
you're doing it, Charles.

You're doing it to
get even with him

for stealing your girlfriend.

No, he did not steal my
girlfriend, Jamie!

He, the only reason
he took her out

is because
I happened to be busy.

The fact of the matter is,

your grandfather's work
is totally unacceptable!

And it's a matter of principle,

and principle
cannot be compromised.

He's right, Jamie,

Charles has to stand up for
what he thinks is right.

Even if it does
cost him his job!

Thank you for your support.

You don't have my support!

I may understand principle, but
I still haven't forgiven you

for taking Grandpa
away from us.

Charles, I wanna be here
when you give Grandpa his 'F.'

Should be better than
Nightmare on Elm Street.

Why doesn't, why doesn't
everybody just stop

trying to influence me?

- Mom...
- Well, let me
ask you a question.

If another student
turned in the same paper

that Walter Powell did,
what would you give 'em?

An 'F.'
- You got your answer.

You're right, Mom.

Cheer up, Charles.

I mean, things have a way
of balancing out.

Sure, giving Mr. Powell an 'F'

makes you feel
like salamander spit.

But, think how happy you'll be

when you, when you
give my paper an 'A!'

I haven't read your paper yet.

Well, that's the
beauty of friendship.

You don't have to.

Three, two, one, start!

All, right, all right, who
broke the goldfish bowl?

Buddy's practicing his
breathing skills.

- Oh.
- Yeah, Charles.

And I've learned
incredible breath control.

It not only helps
me underwater,

but it's a real blessing
on dry land too.

Yeah, watch!

- Buddy?!
- Oh, just relax.

Kissing always
clogs up his gills.

Well, back to the
old drawing board.

Why don't you go down
to the bird bath,

and practice
with some real water.

Aww, we can't.
We got caught
by old man Flanker last night.

Yeah, he turned his hose on us!

Yeah, then his father,
older man Flanker,

came out and chased us
with his cane!

Oh, hello, Charles.
- Hi.

Oh, Mr. Powell, just the man
I wanted to see.

Buddy, listen, I need to speak
to Mr. Powell

alone for a minute.

could you, uh, practice
breathing underwater

some place else?

Oh, sure, Charles.
Come on, Jenny,

let's go down to my dorm
and fill up my bathtub.

Charles, did you get a chance
to read my history paper?

Uh, yes sir, I did, and uh...

I found it to be
very interesting.

Good!

I-I also found it to be
very wrong.

Wrong?
- Technically wrong.

Sir, you see, that's why I'm
giving you another opportunity

to write another paper,
this time using the textbook.

Charles, what happened
in World w*r Two, happened.

I can't lie
about the facts.

I'm not asking you to lie,
sir, I'm merely asking you

to write a paper based
on the information

that you were given.

Now... if you don't do that,

I-I'm gonna have to
fail you, sir.

It's- it's
a matter of principle.

Well, it certainly is!

You're asking me
to violate my principles!

I don't have to write a
different paper, Charles,

you need to get
a different textbook!

Sir, are you in school
to learn or to teach?

Neither one.

Well, then why
are you in school?

You know, when you
get to be my age,

you start wondering...

how it could have
all gone by so... quickly.

I went to college
because I hoped

it would make me
feel young, but it didn't.

I've traveled a million miles
since I was your age, Charles.

You can't un-know,
what you know.

And that's what I'd have to do
to be a kid again.

One thing college did...

was to teach me how much I love
being with my grandchildren!

Adam, Jamie, Sarah,
front and center!

Charles, you can't fire me,
I quit.

Yes, Grandpa?

How would you all like
to go someplace

with your dear old grandfather?
Ha, ha, ha!

Sure, but what about
your homework?

Oh, homework is for kids.
I'm an adult!

Let's go to a petting zoo!

Okay!
- We'd love to!

Okay, now I'll get my camera,
you just jump in to the car!

Wait a minute, the petting zoo?

You were right
about one thing, Charles.

We are lucky
to have a grandfather

that cares about us!

Wait, I thought you hated
the petting zoo?!

We do!
- Then why are you going?

We love Grandpa, Charles.
We can't hurt his feelings.

No, you know what...
neither can I.

I just want you all to know

that you wrote
very good history papers.

[applause]

Unfortunately, your papers
were all wrong.

[class gasps]
Just relax,
it wasn't your fault.

You see, we are forced
to see history

through the eyes of-of
the historian.

I've done some research
and I found out that the guy

that wrote our textbook
needed glasses.

All right, his vision of
history is based totally

on false facts
and-and unproven theories.

Does that mean we have to
re-write our papers?

No, it just means that, uh...

this means that when
Professor Corey gets back

I'm gonna ask him to change
the text books.

Oh.
-Yeah.

Does that mean we have to
re-write our papers?

Try to stay
with the group, okay, Buddy?

Now, history should be a
collection of known facts.

Now, with that in mind,
we're gonna hear the truth

about World w*r Two
from an eyewitness.

We're very lucky to have him
here too, because he was there,

and saw it, and lived to tell
about it.

So, please welcome
our guest speaker,

and my good friend
and former student,

Chief Petty Officer
Walter F. Powell,

U.S. Navy, retired!

[cheers and applause]

Charles, I just thought
I'd better prepare you

that Mr. Powell told me
he has another date tonight,

and they're goin'
to the diner again.

Again?!

He's taking Chris out again?
That's not fair!

Sure, it's fair, Charles!

Give the guy a break.
It doesn't mean anything.

Yes, it does, its not fair!

Mr. Powell's a lonely old man,
and he deserves a little fun.

We're all going down
to the diner.
You wanna join us?

- Join you?
- Come on, Jenny,
we'll join 'em.

What do you mean, "we?"
I'm going out with Walter.

Oh, so Chris and I
would love to join you.

Let's go, party time, ha ha!

Don't wait up for us, Buddy.

What a gyp!

[theme song plays ♪]