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01x28 - Bezt Frends

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Uncle Grandpa". Aired: September 2, 2013 – June 30, 2017.*
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Uncle Grandpa is a magical shapeshifting person that stops by children's houses every day to see how they are doing.

01x28 - Bezt Frends

Post by bunniefuu »

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

Uncle grandpa: good morning!

Good morning.

Good morning.

Grft: [ roars ]

Uncle grandpa: good morning.

Good morning!

And after you let 'em sit a

While, you poke 'em a bit.

But the real secret is in the

Rotation.

Mr. Gus: uncle grandpa, your

Favorite show is on!

Uncle grandpa: be right

There!

Just finishing something!

[ Drill whirs ]
[ whip! ]

[ Squeak! Squeak! Squeak! ]

Perfect!

Attention, everybody!

I've made you all special

Friendship necklaces to show

We're best friends.

For my best friend.

Grft: [ roars ]

Uncle grandpa: for my best

Friend.

[ Sizzling ]

Mr. Gus: wow! Aah!

What's that burning my neck?

Uncle grandpa: probably the

Bacon grease.

Belly bag, can I see your neck?

Belly bag: sure!

[ Pop! ]

Uncle grandpa: for my best

Friend.

Belly bag: thanks,

Uncle grandpa!

Uncle grandpa: and last but

Certainly not least, for my best

Friend.

Pizza steve: oh-h*-h*-h*.

Oh, I cannot accept that.

Uncle grandpa: you can't?!

Why not?!

Pizza steve: 'cause I already

Got a best friend.

Uncle grandpa: you do?!

How's your best friend?

Pizza steve: pizza steve's

Best friend is...

Pizza steve!

[ Yawns ]

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll

Be taking my daily siesta.

In tiger's bed.

Grft: [ roars ]

Pizza steve: what's going on,

Pizza steve?

Pizza steve #2: not much,

Pizza steve.

Just glad I've got a best friend

As awesome as I am.

Pizza steve: you said it,

Best friend.

Both: booyah!

[ Poof! Pop! ]

Uncle grandpa: I've got to

Get rid of the other pizza steve

So I can be pizza steve's best

Friend.

Mr. Gus: uh, uncle grandpa,

You gonna sit with us or just

Keep blocking the tv?

Uncle grandpa: I'm gonna go

Get rid of pizza steve.

[ Whip! Whoosh! ]

Mr. Gus: ahhh.

Pizza steve: [ snoring ]

[ Blam! ]

[ Pitter! Pitter! Pitter! ]

Uncle grandpa: I got to leave

Him somewhere he can't come back

From.
Pizza steve: [ snoring

Continues ]

Uncle grandpa: that was easy.

[ Knock on door ]

[ Pop! ]

Stop littering.

[ Blink! ]

Pizza steve: [ snoring

Continues ]
[ pitter! Pitter! Pitter! ]

[ Knock on door ]

[ Pop! ]

Stop littering.

[ Blink! Blink! ]

[ Train whistle blows ]

[ Whip! ]

[ Snoring ]

Uncle grandpa: finally!

[ Clock ticking ]

[ Bell clanging ]

[ Whip! ]

Stop littering!

[ Train whistle blows ]

Uncle grandpa: that tears it.

I've got to take pizza steve

Somewhere he can never get back

From.

Then I can be pizza steve's best

Friend forever.

Pizza steve: [ snoring

Continues ]

[ Glug! Glug! ]

[ Whip! Clank! ]

[ Beep ]

Uncle grandpa: so long,

Pizza steve!

Now that pizza steve's gone, I

Can be pizza steve's best

Friend.

I'd better go find him and tell

Him.

Pizza steve!

Pizza steve?

Pizza steve?

[ Snarling ]

Uncle grandpa: hmm.

Have you guys seen pizza steve?

I got rid of pizza steve so that

I can be best friends with

Pizza steve.

But now I can't find him.

Mr. Gus: wait.

You got rid of pizza steve but

Now you want him to be your best

Friend?

Uncle grandpa: pizza steve

Said his best friend was

Pizza steve, not me, so I

Thought if I got rid of

Pizza steve's best friend, then

I could be his best friend.

[ Blink! ]

Mr. Gus: uh...sounds like

Pizza steve was talking in the

Third person, uncle grandpa.

Uncle grandpa: [ gasps ]

There's a third pizza steve?!

Mr. Gus: [ groans ]

Belly bag, want to help me with

This one?

Belly bag: sure!

When you refer to yourself in

The third person, instead of

Saying, "i" or "me," you say

Your own name -- for example,

"Belly bag is red."

Make sense?

Uncle grandpa: no.

Mr. Gus: so, sometimes words

That are spoken aren't always

True.

Now you understand?

Uncle grandpa: ohhhhhhhhhh.

Oh, no!

Uncle grandpa sent pizza steve

To the moon!

[ Sobbing ]

Now I'm never gonna be his best

Friend!

We've got to go to the moon to

Save pizza steve!

To do that, we're gonna need

Some tiger power.

[ Whip! ]

Grft: [ farting ]

[ Bang! Whip! Bang! ]

Uncle grandpa: a-a-a-a-a-nd

We're here.

Pizza steve!

Look! There's his rocket!

He must be nearby.

Pizza...ste-e-e-e-e-ve!

[ Whip! Crash! ]

Oof! I can't see him anywhere.

He must be in one of these

Holes.

Looks like we're gonna have to

Flush him out.

[ Whip! Pop! ]

Okay, honey. Let 'er rip.

Grft: [ roars ]

[ Rumbling ]

Uncle grandpa: that's the

Stuff!

Pizza steve: aaaaaaaah!

Uncle grandpa: there he is!

Hut! Uhh!

Pizza steve, I found you!

Hooray!

I'm so sorry I got you mixed up

And accidentally sent you to the

Moon.
I just didn't understand that

You were your own best friend.

Pizza steve: no worries,

Uncle g.

[ Creak! Whip! ]

Ugh!

In fact, chilling up here made

Pizza steve realize that

Pizza steve isn't pizza steve's

Best friend after all.

Uncle grandpa: really?!

So, while you were up here all

By yourself, you realized that I

Was your best friend all along?

Pizza steve: not at all,

Uncle g.

While I was up here, I met my

Main man moonman, and we became

Best bros instantly.

What's up, air breathers?

Uncle grandpa: what?!

But you just met moonman!

Pizza steve: what can I say?

This guy really gets me.

Cool, bro bump?

Pizza steve: uh, yeah, dawg.

Both: tingly, tingly, tingly!

[ Both whistle ]

Boom!

Yeah!

Uncle grandpa: it's not fair!

I know more about pizza steve

Than anyone!

Moonman, I challenge you to a

Pizza steve trivia battle!

We'll see who knows him best.

Pizza steve: that's a great

Idea -- a contest for and about

Me!

Uncle grandpa: winner gets to

Be your best friend.

[ Whip! ]

One moment while I set the

Stage.

[ Splat! ]

[ Pop! Pop! ]

[ Pop! ]

Perfect.

One last detail.

[ Whirring ]

[ Buzzer sounds ]

I'm ready.

Pizza steve: hello, and

Welcome to

"Who really knows pizza steve,"

The game where you play for the

Friendship of the one and only

Pizza steve!

Okay.

The first question is, what is

Pizza steve's favorite martial

Art?

Uncle grandpa: ooh, ooh-ooh,

Ooh-ooh!

I know this! Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh!

That one's easy --

Italian karate.

Pizza steve: excuse me, but

You didn't let me finish.

What is pizza steve's favorite

Martial art besides italian

Karate?

Uncle grandpa: huh?!

[ Buzzer sounds ]

Now, that would be moonjitsu.

Pizza steve: co-o-o-rrect-a!

Hyah! Yah! Chah!

Pizza steve: hey! Yah! Yah!

Yah! Chah!

Both: moonjitsu!

Ahhh!

[ Hiss! Boom! ]

Both: moonjitsu.

[ Zip! ]

[ Pop! Squeak! ]

Pizza steve: next question --

What is the correct number of

Degrees of shade tipping?

Uncle grandpa: ooh, ooh-ooh,

Ooh-ooh, ooh!

Is it 37?

Pizza steve: bzzt! Wrong!

[ Buzzer sounds ]

I believe the correct number

Of degrees for shade tipping

Is...

All of them.

Pizza steve: you are correct.

Indeed.

Pizza steve: next question --

What is pizza steve's favorite

Mode of transportation?

[ Buzzer sounds ]

Uncle grandpa: I know this

One!

Ugh!
Uncle grandpa piggyback rides!

[ Grunting ]

At least that's what it used to

Be.
Pizza steve: pfft! No.

I'm afraid that is incorrect.

Moonman?

Everyone knows that all cool

Dudes ride awesome speed cycles.

[ Engines rev, tires screech ]

[ Pop! ]

[ Both laugh ]

Pizza steve: okay!

Final question -- and this one's

For actual points, rendering all

Other questions worthless!

Who is the coolest guy in the

Universe?

[ Buzzer sounds ]

Man, that's too easy.

There's no one cooler in this

Wide universe than a little guy

I know who wears the coolest

Shades.

I'm talkin' 'bout none other

Than moonman.

Pizza steve: [ imitates

Buzzer sounding ]

Wrong!

Uncle grandpa: ooh! Ooh!

I definitely know this one!

[ Buzzer sounding ]

The coolest guy in the whole

Universe is this super slice

Right here -- my best friend

Pizza steve.

Pizza steve: that is 110%

Correct, best friend!

Uncle grandpa: are you ready

To come home now, little buddy?

Pizza steve: you know it,

Best bro.

Uncle grandpa: so long,

Moonman!

Look us up if you're ever on

Earth.

Grft: [ farting ]

Bummer, dude.

Well, guess I'm gonna have to

Hang out with my old best bro,

Moonman.

Uncle grandpa: so, now that

We're best friends again, I

Guess you want to wear this.

Pizza steve: might as well.

[ Sizzling ]

Um...what's that burning

Sensation?

Uncle grandpa: that's

Probably the bacon grease.

Pizza steve: hey,

Uncle grandpa!

Can you help even this out a

Bit?

[ Whip! ]

Uncle grandpa: wh-e-e-e-ee!

[ Thunder crashes ]

Stick close, kid.

This could get eerie.

Um...okay.

Uncle grandpa: yoo-hoo!

Anybody home?!

Come on.

[ Pitter! Pitter! Pitter! ]

[ Moaning ]

All: aaaaaaah!

Uncle grandpa: stand back,

Kid.

I'll handle this.

[ Quacks ]

Uncle grandpa: eat hot

Rainbow, you spooky spirit.

[ Zap! Sizzle! ]

Got him!

Wait up, uncle grandpa!

Uncle grandpa: get ready for

Some creepy stuff.

[ Hinges creak ]

Mama.

Uncle grandpa: what'd I tell

You?

Creepy!

[ Quacks ]

Mama.

Mama.

[ Demonic voice ] mama!

Uncle grandpa: no!

It's grandpa -- uncle grandpa!

[ Zap! Twinkle! ]

Let's see what's cooking in the

Kitchen.

[ Whack! ]

Who wants some...

Salad?!

Both: aaaaaaaah!

[ Quacks ]

[ Zap! Twinkle! ]

Uncle grandpa: oh, no!

I missed!

[ Quacks ]

[ Zap! Twinkle! ]

[ Hiss! ]

Next! Hey, you!

[ All moaning ]

Don't you know tv rots your

Brain?

[ Zap! Zap! ]

Stop slouching.

[ Growls ]

[ Zap! Twinkle! ]
Uncle grandpa: good shootin'.

[ Hiss! ]

I guess I don't need you

Anymore.

You're free, little fella.

[ Quacking ]

Um, uncle grandpa, what about

My math problem?

Uncle grandpa: oh, yeah!

Let's see.

There's 10 ghosts total, and we

Just blasted 6 away, so how many

Ghosts are left in the house?

4 Ghosts.

Uncle grandpa: 4?!

Huh! You need to check your

Math, kid.

I think you'll find the answer

Is zero.

Uh...i'm pretty sure it's 4.

Both: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

[ Thunder crashing ]

[ Sloop! ]

Uncle grandpa: what am I

Doing in here?