01x17 - Blackboard Jungle Fever

[bunniefuu]

- I was thinking last night about my lady

And how much I loved her.

And I came to the realization

That my affection for this woman is so strong

That if necessary, I would die for her,

Swim any ocean,

Climb any mountain,

All for the love of this woman.

But I will not, and I repeat,

I will not let her eat off my plate.

[Laughter]

So, babe, if you ever try it again,

Somebody could get hurt.

[Laughter]

I love you.

[Upbeat hip-hop music]

- ♪ Martin

♪ Martin

♪ Martin

- Lawrence, y’all.

What’s up? How y'all feel?

- ♪ Martin

♪ Martin

- Yo, cole? - Huh?

- You sure you know what you’re doing, man?

- Uh-huh.

I know exactly what i’m doing.

There, all right? Boom.

Check it out. Channels all for free.

- Oh, so you hooked me? You hooked me?

All right, okay.

- Dy-no-mite!

Dy-no-mite!

[Remote clicking]

Dy-no-mite!

- Yo, man, it’s channels of good times.

- Yeah, I know. It’s great, right?

Hey, yo, yo, yo, yo, dude.

Check out that esther rolle.

Baby got it going on, don’t she?

- Yeah.

- Hey, martin, whose is this?

- What?

- Whose is this?

- I don’t know, gina. It ain’t mine.

- Are you cheating on me, martin?

- Yes, gina. I’m dating the weather girl.

- Cole. - [Clears throat]

- Have you been here with big shirley again?

- [Sighs] sorry about that, gina.

- Martin, seriously, though,

Too many of your friends have keys to your apartment.

- Hey, hey, hey. Gina, my partner is here.

- You know what? It’s a good thing I trust you.

’Cause I could open a victoria’s secret

With the stuff I find around here.

- Hey, hey, hey. Victoria.

All right, if it’s this damn big,

It ain’t no secret.

[Laughter]

[Knocking at door]

Oh, who is that?

- It’s probably somebody you don’t know,

Or else they’d have a key.

- Oh, h*, h*.

Making a little jokey joke.

[Laughter]

Well, it’s probably one of my women.

Hold that.

I hope it’s esther rolle.

Look here, woman, I told you, don’t come over here.

Huh, not while gina is here.

- Well, they know about us now, girlfriend.

- Hi, tommy.

- Yo, man, what’s up?

I like that coat.

- Thanks a lot. Blue light special.

- Oh, yeah?

- Hey, hey, martin, look.

We’re having a career day down at the school,

And I was wondering if you’d like to come down

And talk to the kids.

- I don’t know about that, tommy.

- Come on. You should do it, martin.

I mean, I remember when we went to school

For career day.

All we had was this janitor leaning against a broom

Talking about...[Coughs]

"You don’t want to end up like me."

- Yeah, martin, you should do it.

Kids need a role model.

- Maybe you’re right.

I guess now that cosby’s a has-been,

It’s up to me.

You bet your life.

- Yeah, man, i’ll do it too.

- Do what?

- Speak at the school.

Tommy, come on, man.

I want to be a role model too.

Besides, kids love to fly airplanes.

- Yeah, but you don’t fly them, man.

You scrub them.

[Laughter]

- Yeah, I know.

That’s that damn janitor's fault.

See, that’s why I got to go down there

And save these kids, martin.

- Oh, martin, you will never guess

Who is teaching the eighth grade now.

- Who?

- Miss trinidad.

- [Gulps] no!

- Yes! Miss trinidad!

- Miss trinidad! - Miss trinidad!

- Hey, cole, who are they talking about?

- Miss trinidad!

- She was my third grade teacher

And my first girlfriend.

- Oh, you mean your first crush?

- No, I meant my first girlfriend,

Just what I said.

See, we had a progressive school.

I could have got with her too.

- Hey, dude, there it is!

Fixed it up.

All the cartoon channels for free.

[Romantic music, moaning, gasping]

[Laughter]

- Cole, this can’t be right, man.

- But if it’s wrong, I don’t want to be right.

- Okay, class, it’s time to welcome

Our two speakers today for career day:

Martin payne and cole brown.

- All right, yeah!

Yeah, all right.

All right. [Clears throat]

I work for the airlines.

The pay is good.

I like it. The end.

[Laughter]

- All right, man, where do you live?

- With my mother.

[Laughter]

- Man, you are so pitiful.

- Boys, be nice.

- I’m sorry, miss trinidad.

- Oh...

[Sighs] you go ahead.

- All right, check it out, bro.

Man, what kind of car are you driving?

- [Chuckles] got me a ’ pacer.

[Laughter]

Hey, yo, what is wrong with you?

And I got the chain on it, you know?

- [Imitates motor]

- Hey, yo, y’all don't know nothing about that, see?

But y’all don't know!

’Cause--'cause you ride a big yellow school bus.

- Cole, cole.

[Laughter]

- Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Hey, hey, bro, no, you know what i’m saying?

Look, I like the pacer.

You know what i’m saying?

When can I ride in the pacer one more time?

I love it.

- And next,

I’m pleased to present one of my favorite students

And the voice of detroit radio,

Martin payne!

Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo!

- Whoo-whoo-whoo!

Miss trinidad...

Oh. What’s up?

What up, y’all?

- Hey, man, before you start,

What kind of car are you driving?

- Pssh!

[Chuckles] kind of--what you think?

Uh, got me a mercedes, you know,

Mercedes , you know?

On the weekends, I drive a ferrari.

- Yeah, now them are a couple of cars, cole brown!

[Laughter]

- Hey, look, check this out, right?

Best thing about my job,

I only work three hours a day.

Ha-ha!

- Yeah, man, that’s, like,

Exactly what I want to do when I grow up.

So y’all hiring down there? What’s up?

- Uh, partner, you need to be--

You need to get in your books right now.

- Oh, so what you’re saying is that

You don’t want to give me a job.

- No, i’m saying

You got to graduate high school first, man.

- Hey, check it out, man.

Help the little brother out. Give him a job.

He just trying to get paid.

- What do you mean "give," man?

You got to earn, partner.

- Oh, I get it.

You ain’t got no juice then, huh?

[Bell rings]

- I-i-i got juice.

- Yeah, I got your juice right here.

- What? What? What?

- Y’all better go on about y’all business.

- Before somebody get hurt.

[Screams]

- Okay, out of here, everybody!

Out!

- Thank--thank you, mr. Brown and mr. Payne.

Kids, let’s give them a round of applause.

- Y’all come back when y’all hiring.

- Ain’t nothing changed in this school, man.

- Yeah, you still getting beat up by eighth graders.

- Later, miss trinidad.

- Martin, martin.

- Yo, i’ll catch up.

- All right.

- I am really so sorry

At how this turned out.

- Yeah, well, no, don’t worry about it.

All right, miss trinidad?

Young ’uns will be young 'uns.

- How about we get something to eat?

It’s been a long time.

We can talk and catch up.

- Yeah, hey, fine, I ain’t got nothing to do.

I’d like that.

- Okay. - All right.

Miss trinidad? - Hmm?

- Have I really changed since the third grade?

- No, you’re still the same.

- Ah. - But you know what?

Your ears got smaller.

- Oh.

Yeah, well, other things got bigger.

[Laughter]

Yeah. [Laughs]

- Oh. - Whoo.

- Oh, thank you for letting me use your phone, martin.

I’ll only be a minute.

- Oh, come now, no, come on now.

That’s no problem,

And don’t you rush.

Let me get that coat.

[Laughter]

Whoo-ooh!

Yeah, miss trinidad. Mm-mm-mm.

- Dinner was wonderful, martin.

- Was it?

Well, guess what?

You get to keep the batman cup

But for a limited time only.

[Laughter]

Yeah. Let’s sit on down here.

Now, you know what?

I’m just so sorry

You didn’t get a chance to meet gina.

- It’s a shame she had to work.

- Well, look, can I get you a little something something?

- White wine would be nice.

- White wine?

Wait a minute.

You ain’t no alcoholic, are you?

[Laughs]

Just say no. Bah!

You know that...

[Laughs]

No, I will get you that wine.

Look here.

The phone’s right here, okay?

White wine coming up for miss trinidad.

- Not too much.

I lose my head when I drink.

- What?

Well, then you getting the whole bottle.

- Nope. No messages.

- Ah.

Ooh, hoo, hoo.

Ooh!

[Chuckles]

Ah.

It’s a little dark in here, ain’t it?

- Isn’t it.

- Isn’t it. [Laughs]

Miss trinidad, always working.

Always working.

Yeah. [Laughs]

Whoo-ooh!

All right, you want to smell that?

Yah! Ah!

- [Laughs]

- Ooh!

All right, here we go.

All right. Ah-ah-ah-ah.

Don’t you gulp that.

Be up here belching. Eh!

That would be nasty, miss trinidad.

Cheers.

- Cheers.

- [Hissing]

- You know, martin.

- Ah, yeah?

- I never miss your show.

- Is that right?

- Oh, you must have so many women after you.

- Yeah, do i? [Laughs]

But you are the one, though.

Oh, man. Everybody loves miss trinidad.

I had such a crush on you.

- Did you?

- Oh, most definitely.

See, I used to sit right in the front row,

So I remember how you used to sit on your desk, right?

And you would cross your leg like...bam!

Right?

And you had, like,

A little piece of thigh that would stick out,

A real smooth baby thigh.

And even though I was a little young boy,

I wanted to touch that thigh.

Blam!

Drove us crazy.

- [Laughs]

You mean, like this?

- [Squealing and babbling]

Ah-ah-ah!

Yes, yes! That is it!

And I remember how you would take the erasers,

And you would bang them together like, pow, pow.

Oh.

[Laughter]

- Oh, I love my job.

- Ooh, and we all loved miss trinidad.

Ah, you know, it was tough being a kid.

[Laughter]

- You’re not a kid anymore, martin.

- No, no.

- You are a grown man.

[Both laughing]

- M-m-miss trinidad?

- Uh-huh?

- That’s my knee.

- [Giggles]

It’s a start, isn't it?

- Yeah, yeah-- no!

- Come on, martin!

- No, no, no, no. What are you doing?

- Come on, martin.

We both want this.

- Oh, no, we both-- ah!

No.

No, no, no.

No, we don’t.

Listen, miss trinidad, miss trinidad,

You taught me how to add and subtract.

- And now i’m gonna teach you

How to divide and multiply.

- Ah!

Hey, hey, miss trinidad,

I got a woman.

- Shh.

She doesn’t have to know.

- [Choking, babbling]

- I am going to eat you alive!

- Miss trinidad, ah, no-- miss trini--miss--

[Squealing]

[Gasps]

H-hey, baby, we--

What’s up?

- Excuse me.

- Wait, wait, wait, baby!

- Wait, gina. Let me explain.

- Let you explain?

- I am so sorry.

- [Chuckles] thank you.

Whoo!

- I had no idea martin had a girlfriend.

- What?

- He never mentioned you.

- What?

- Is that so?

- No, that is not so.

- I would have never let him kiss me.

- Oh, damn!

B-babe, she’s lying.

She was all up on me, gina, on the counter.

- I am so embarrassed.

I’d better be going.

Martin didn’t tell me.

I feel so--oops--used.

I am really sorry.

I am very sorry.

[Scoffs]

[Huffs]

- She--

[Laughs] like I unbuttoned that.

Baby, she’s lying!

- I don’t want to hear it!

I’m gone. I trusted you.

- Wait, wait, baby!

Wait, wait, wait, wait, baby, wait, wait!

Okay, wait, whoa, whoa.

You’re taking her side?

- I know what I saw, martin.

- Well, who you gonna believe?

Me or your own eyes?

Gina...[Laughs]

Do you know who that was?

That was miss trinidad, my third grade teacher.

- Oh, come on, martin!

You could do better than that.

- Look, i’m not lying.

I can’t help it if the woman got it going on, gina.

- So what was "miss trinidad" doing here?

- Nothing, I took her to dinner,

And we came up here, and--

- You took her to dinner?

You went on a date?

- No! I took her to mcdonald’s!

That’s not a date.

- What do you think, i’m stupid, martin?

- No, I do not think you’re stupid, babe.

- Yes, you do!

- Gina, you know what?

Right now, I think you’re being stupid.

Look, g-g-gina! Wait!

Wait, baby, wait, wait, wait!

Baby, wait a minute.

Think, think. You’re smarter than that.

Think, okay? Think, gina.

All right, would I be dumb enough

To bring a woman up here knowing you got the key?

- Even though you knew I was working late, martin?

- Wrong. You are so wrong.

- I’m wrong?

I’m--lookit!

I’m wrong? How am I wrong, martin?

- Gina, because if I was gonna cheat on you,

I’d have took a woman over to tommy’s.

- Is that where you usually go?

- No!

Baby, stop. Stop.

Come on. Come on.

Stop it now. Come on.

Come on.

Stop it.

- Good-bye, martin.

- [Squeaks]

Oh...

Damn!

If I knew all this was gonna happen,

I should have got some.

Look, tommy, you know

I wasn’t kissing another woman, man.

All right. Why don’t gina trust me?

Okay, I got plenty of chances to cheat on her if I want.

I’m getting it thrown at me all day,

And what do I do?

I just block it. Bow, bow, bow.

Bow.

Bah!

- Yeah, you know, I know what you talking about.

Me too.

- What do you mean, "me too," you too?

You don’t even have a woman.

- Well, what you call big shirley, martin?

- Plenty, behind your back.

I’m sorry, man, all right?

I’m just hurting right now, all right?

Look, man.

You brothers ever have a teacher come on to you?

- My sunday school teacher.

Man, she taught me the true meaning

Of the word "missionary."

- I only had one teacher make a pass at me.

- You know what? I remember that.

They fired him, right?

- So, um...

What’s up, man?

- I tell you what’s up, man.

I’m going back to the school,

And i’m gonna talk to miss trinidad.

- Well, good luck, brother.

- No, partner, all right?

She cost me my lady.

She’s the one who’s gonna need the luck.

Yo, i’ll catch up with y’all later.

- All right.

- I apologize, man. - All right, now.

Thank god.

I never thought he would leave.

[Romantic music, moaning, gasping]

- Give me that!

Give it! Come here!

Give me that!

- Shake it, miss trinidad, but don’t break it.

- Martin.

I knew you’d be back.

- Hey, hey, hey, look, miss trinidad.

What’s up with you?

Why did you lie like that last night?

When I was eight, you taught me that lying was wrong.

Now you go sit in the corner,

’Cause you ain't right, miss trinidad.

You’re not right.

- What’s not right, martin?

It’s not like you're married or something.

We’re both consenting adults.

We’re both at our sexual peaks.

- Hey, hey, hey, hey, look.

Hey, hey, hey.

Would you stop, okay?

Before I call the principal on you.

I’m telling you.

I’ll call the principal on your a*s.

- Ooh. - Yeah.

- I love it when you talk dirty.

- Would you stop? Stop!

Okay?

- Don’t you find me attractive, martin?

- You all right.

Look, look, miss trinidad, all right.

I have a woman.

I am in love with my lady.

But if she goes down in a plane crash,

You’d be the first I call.

- Martin! Don’t fight this!

Don’t you want me?

- No, b*tch, I want you.

- Gina!

- That’s right. Gina.

And how did you know my name was gina?

Last night, you called me by my name

Before martin even mentioned it.

I never realized it till I got home.

So that makes you a liar.

And if there is one thing that I hate

More than a liar,

It’s a liar who’s trying to steal my man.

So you go near martin again, i’m gonna hurt you.

You got that, girlfriend?

- Hey, hey, hey!

Hey! Yeah-ah!

Baby!

- All right, forget it.

Honey, he ain’t worth all that.

- Isn’t.

I isn’t worth all that, miss trinidad.

Baby!

You go, girl. Put your clothes on.

You coming down to the school with a bag to fight.

- That’s right.

Nobody messes with my man but me.

- [Laughs]

- Hey, martin.

I am sorry I didn’t trust you.

I acted like a jerk.

- Ah, no, you didn’t, babe.

- [Scoffs] yes, I did.

- Yes, yes, yes, you did.

- You know what?

After all I said, I wouldn’t have blamed you

If you had gone back and slept with that woman.

- Now you tell me?

- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

Hey, hey, hey, where are you going?

- I’m gonna go see miss trinidad for a minute.

- Oh, no, no, you will not.

- But you said it’s all right.

- No, don’t even try it.

- But you’re secure.

- No.

- But, look, i’m only gonna be a minute.

You know that.

- Do your belt, boy.

- [Laughs]

- Oh, y-you gonna laugh, huh?

You just...[Giggles]

Just a little kid,

Like to snicker all the damn time.

Yeah, go on...

[Laughter]

You should have let it keep going.