01x23 - Jerome's in the House

[bunniefuu]

♪ Martin ♪

How y'all been? ♪ Martin

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Martin ♪

Want me to make you some tea, girl?

Hey.

What's up?

What?

Pam, forget about him.

He wasn't any good for you anyway.

That's not true, gina.

He never ever stole from me.

Pam, he dumped you after you caught him

In bed with another woman.

But he said that she was his cousin.

That doesn't make it right, pam.

Uh...

Excuse me,

But I can't help but overhear.

Are you talking about that waterhead brother

You used to go out with?

Uh-huh.

Aw, damn it!

What is it, pam,

The fifth brother that done dogged you this year?

I would hate to think it's you.

Ease up on her.

Can't you see she's upset?

Hey, look, tommy, man,

Pam got a bad attitude and a nasty mouth.

Somebody should tell her.

[Bawling]

Pam, come on.

Oh, come on, man.

Uhh!

Oh, now!

See, martin, that was totally unnecessary.

You saw she was upset.

What did I say?

If I had a bad attitude and a nasty mouth,

I'd want someone to tell me.

Your attitude leaves a lot to be desired.

You can be gone.

You can raise up out of here.

Poor pam. I wish she could find a good man.

What about me?

Uh, cole...

I don't think that's a good idea.

Gina, you ought to be minding your business,

All right?

You really ought to be minding your business.

Now, if cole wants to ask pam out,

Hey, you got my blessing, brother.

You got my blessing, too.

You should ask her.

She can use a good laugh.

Pow-oops!

You want to ask her out?

Yeah, I do.

You do?

Yeah.

All right. Look here.

How do you plan on going about that?

I was thinking about it,

And I'm going to impress her.

How?

I know different bird calls.

Ooh ooh ooh ooh ah ah ah ah!

E-e-e-e-e!

Hee hee hee hee!

Yeah, that's the colombian peckerhead.

Wow!

Yah-hah!

That's lovely!

Yeah.

Yo, any woman would fall for that.

That's what I figured.

You all right, honey?

Hey, pam.

What, cole?

Ooh ooh ooh ooh ah ah ah ah!

E-e-e-e-e!

That's a colombian peckerhead.

That's really nice, cole.

Now, could you do a pigeon

So I could run you over with my car?

No, really, cole, do a pigeon.

Cole, cole, cole, cole.

Did you get the number?

What?

Wha--

c*ck-a-doodle-doo!

Do you have any press-on nails?

No.

Oh.

But I have a glass eye.

Only kidding.

You're so corny.

Oh, please, don't sh**t me.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Where are the nails?

In the back... By the goat milk.

Whew!

Another satisfied customer

Without a violent exchange.

♪ Uh-uh-uh ♪

♪ Jerome in the house ♪

♪ I think you're going ah-ooh ah-ooh out! ♪♪

Oh!

What's up, bob marley?

Look here, man.

Don't look at me like that.

I didn't sh**t the sheriff.

Ain't you ever heard of a hot comb?

Press it out. You got to press it out.

All right.

Looking no--no good, rashidi.

Jerome.

What's up?

My soul brother.

Oh!

Look here, man.

Rashidi, man,

Hook me up with some tic-tacs.

You know, my breath--

I don't want that stinking--

And a box of extra-large condoms--

Uh, the kind you dream about.

Ha ha ha ha!

[Speaking farsi]

Didn't know I knew how to speak that stuff, did you?

That's right.

I'm an international player.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah. Uh-huh.

Let me get out of here,

Head on over to the club, pick up one of my girls.

Oh...damn!

Stop the presses. Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. I know you.

Wait a minute.

Your name must be bunny,

'Cause you look so fluffy!

Yeah. Ain't that right?

Are you for real?

Girl, I'm realer than a $. Bill.

I know what you're thinking--

How can a woman like you

Get with a brother like me?

Come on, now. Ain't that right?

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Hey, hey. Wait, wait.

I don't mean to touch you.

What's this giggling about?

You ain't got to giggle.

When you ready to get that giggle out of you,

Here's my number...

Here's a dime.

Call jerome the man...

Anytime.

If you need someone to talk to,

Call me.

Satisfaction guaranteed.

Call me.

If you need somebody to talk to, fluffy.

I'll do you right.

"Jerome, the international lover.

Fly me."

You fool.

Hey!

Hey.

Get off me, cole!

Ha ha ha ha!

I'm glad I ran into you.

Check this out though.

Two tickets to the luther vandross concert tomorrow night.

h*!

h*!

Hold up.

Now, why don't you tell me where you live?

I'll come get you.

I would never let you know where I live.

Where you get tickets from?

Tell me where you live.

I don't trust you.

[Knock on door]

Who is it?

It's pam.

Oh, lord.

Hey, girl.

Girl...

I got a date.

Word!

When?

About two minutes.

Why are you here?

I said to meet me here.

I don't want him to know where I live.

Sorry.

That's o.k. I did the same thing with martin.

I was feeling depressed

About breaking up with david.

I thought it'd be nice

To go out with somebody different.

O.k. Who is he?

Promise you won't laugh.

I promise.

Cross your heart.

Forget it. He's here.

Well, wait, gina. Wait.

I know who it is anyway.

Jerome is in the house.

Where's my little c*ck?

Now--now, gina.

Are you sure it was jerome?

Tommy, the brother with the gold tooth

And the superfly perm?

Yeah. That's jerome, all right.

Baby,

I'm going to tell you like this...

Pam on that stuff.

She's not on that stuff.

Gina, have you noticed?

One of her front teeth are rotten.

Her last boyfriend must have really hurt her badly.

Hey, guys.

Hey, girl.

The concert was slamming.

We had a great time.

You and jerome?

Yes, me and jerome.

He picked me up in a limousine.

The green one with pipes on the side?

Shut up, martin.

Yes, the green one.

Uh-huh. Shut up, gina.

He took me backstage,

And I got a chance to meet luther vandross.

And at the end of the night,

Jerome gave me this.

That's nice.

Did he also take you to the jewelry store

He stole it from?

Ha ha!

Is that what you all think?

That is not what I think.

I think some prost*tute left it in the limo

About years ago.

And you are now the recipient of it.

I don't care what anybody thinks.

Jerome's had bad breaks.

He's a nice guy.

We had a nice time at the concert.

I'm going out with him again tonight.

So, it's like that then.

Like what, cole?

You went to the concert last night with jerome?

Yeah. So?

Anyway...

Oh! Oh! Oh!

O.k., O.k., Then. All right.

You can go with jerome,

But you can't go with me?

Be like that, pam.

He's going to dump you,

And you'll run back to me--

Cole bram, yes.

Oh, but I'll have somebody else by then...

On the french riviera.

Yeah. Me and my brown goddess,

We going to be nude, pam--

Nude!

And you're going to come begging me!

But I ain't going to be able to hear you

'Cause of all the tropical sounds going on.

Ooh ooh ooh ooh ah ah ah!

Ooh ooh ah ah ah!

Ah!

Boo hoo ah!

Whazzup with the bird sounds?

Excuse me.

Jerome, step off.

Man, who is this little young whippersnapper

Running all up into my combo?

Man, please.

Hey, I'm telling you,

Stay away from pam.

Look here.

I got to handle something, o.k.?

You be cool.

Watch yourself. O.k.

What--what--what-- what--pam?

Yeah.

Pam's not your girl.

What's your name?

Cole bram.

Oh, o.k.!

Oh, yeah.

You the virgin.

Yeah--no, no.

Who told you that?

That ain't true.

Man, yes, it is.

Look at you.

You're all wet behind your ears...

Breath smelling like similac.

You better go on home

Before you get your little thick a*s tossed up.

I don't want you hurting pam.

You got that?

Everybody knows you're a dog.

Why it got to be all that, young buck?

Yeah, everybody knows I'm a player.

Know what I'm saying?

Everybody knows I had more girls

Than jerry's got curls,

But I changed, man.

Pam's got class--

Enough class to make jerome settle down.

Know what I'm saying?

Huh?

Hold on! Hold on!

What make you think she want to settle down

With a lowlife like you, jerome?

You little young punk, you just got hurt.

No, no, no!

No, no, no!

You pick up your mess!

No, no, no!

No, no, no!

Be quiet!

Be quiet!

Be quiet!

Have we not learned anything

From the recent uprising in l.a.?

Huh?

Can't we all just...

Take this across the street

To the korean store?

Hey, hey!

You're a punk!

Jerome, you hurt pam,

I'll stick my foot so far down your throat,

We be walking home together.

You better carry your little baby home!

Carry your baby brother home!

You're the sucker!

I don't play that, you understand?

I'm a grown man.

You better respect your elders.

Calm down.

No, man!

This boy comes running up on me.

I'm from the old school.

I was ready to get the captain here.

That's where I'm at with mine.

No, no.

I'm sorry, rashidi.

I--i don't-- I'm on probation,

You know what I'm saying?

Look here. I'm sorry, rashidi, man.

Come on. Love--give me love.

O.k.? All right.

I'm going to roll up on out of here.

Look here.

I'm a lover, man, not a fighter.

I do what I got to do though.

Ain't that right, my little superfreak?

I'm going to call my boys--

Let them know these little young boys tripping.

You know what I'm saying?

Ha ha!

Aha! Yeah!

Oh!

You're crazy.

Yeah.

You in jerome's house now.

Take that coat. Throw it anywhere.

Make yourself at home.

Come on, now.

This is something else.

I'm speechless.

You like this, huh?

Well, I thought you would.

I thought you would.

Let me show you around over here.

O.k.

I'm proud of this.

I won this back in

At the james brown look-alike contest.

I was like--

♪ Give it to me now, give it to me now--now ♪

♪ Give it to me now ♪♪

I was a bad boy, I tell you.

Sit down.

When I was coming up,

I'm a player, but I wasn't always ripping and running.

I was the first brother

To audition for the starlight.

Oh, do something.

Check it out.

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪♪

Ah!

That's really nice, jerome.

Thank you.

All right, girl. Excuse me.

I noticed you were looking at this here.

What is it?

Huh?

Well, this here-- this is real zebra.

I got this from the city zoo

When the zebra died.

My boys down there took care of me.

They tell me there's a panda on life support.

Want me to hook you up?

No, really, that's o.k.

They got sick monkeys down there and everything.

That's disgusting.

You let jerome know.

I know what you in the mood for, girl.

There.

[Disco music plays]

♪ She's a brick ♪

♪ House ♪

♪ She's mighty fine, yeah ♪♪

Show me how to do that!

O.k. Come on, girl!

Do the penguin!

Do the penguin!

Oh!

Do the bump with me, girl.

My grandfather used to do these.

He ain't doing it now.

This is-- this is great!

You feel the same way I do, don't you?

Yeah, I do.

Well, we got to talk.

All right.

Girl...

Ahh!

You got me thinking about settling down.

Ha ha--

[Coughs]

Settling down?

I'm thinking about settling down with you.

Would you like that?

We'll have a couple of little jeromes

Running around here,

You know what I'm saying?

Raise them right.

Take them to the players' picnic.

Hold it!

You're going a little too fast.

What are you saying?

I ain't ready to have your baby.

Yes. Sure, you are.

Girl, them hips are just screaming for twins.

They screaming.

I'm sorry I don't feel the same way you do.

I went out with you

Because I was feeling down,

And you cheered me up.

Stop the presses!

Stop the damn presses!

Are you saying you used jerome

For your entertainment purposes?

No, that's not it.

I could have got into you, and you played me.

Aw, damn!

You know, it did--

It seems like I'm always getting hurt

By some damn woman!

Oh!

You know, now--

It seems like...

I was going to give you all this.

All this was going to be yours.

I wasn't going to make you sign no prenuptial.

I never saw a player cry before.

Yeah, well,

That's because I'm hurting, o.k.?

I got more tears

Than a white man's got fears.

Don't give me those player lines.

What, you heard that one before?

Plenty of times.

Damn! I'm slipping.

I got to work on my acting.

Yeah, well, whatever.

I didn't mean to use you.

I didn't want to lead you on or anything like that.

Let me give you your chain.

No, no. Now, you keep that.

Jerome don't be giving nobody nothing

And taking it back, o.k.?

Just make sure you keep up the payments on it--

. A month-- cashier's check or money order.

Make it out to fong wong's jewelry emporium.

O.k.

Thanks, jerome.

Thank you.

Jerome?

Yeah, girl.

You done changed your mind?

No.

For the record,

If I met you in a different time frame,

Let's say around ,

We would have had it going on.

I would have given it to you.

You better stop.

You're bringing back memories.

Take care.

All right.

Mm-mm-mm-mm-mmm.

Girl, it must be something in the water...

'Cause you sure enough

Got a lot of junk in your trunk.

Take care now.

Look out!

All right, baby.

Ha ha ha!

Damn!

And I didn't get a chance to hit that.

Oh, well.

I'm still a player,

You know what I'm saying?

You move on.

That's all. You just move on.

Hello, oprah.

Yeah, this is jerome.

Can you talk?


You dumped a guy.

How does it feel?

I'd like to do it again.

Want to be my boyfriend?

No, baby, I don't think you can handle it.

Why?

Look at the size of my shoe.