02x05 - Baby, It's You

[bunniefuu]

Hey, dragon fly.

Hey, dragon fly.

Can I get the $ you owe now?

Certainly.

Certainly.

I ain't got no money, punk.

I don't want any trouble.

Had you been practicing on your art,

You know you're way in the dark.

Silence.

Silence.

Hold it, dragon fly.

Somebody done told you wrong, punk.

It's on!

Let's go, punk.

Let's go.

Captioning made possible by warner bros.ros.,

♪ Martin ♪

How y'all been? ♪ Martin

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Martin ♪

So.

Uhh! Uhh!

Oh, that feels good, baby.

Sookie, sookie, now!

Ooh! Uh-huh! Whoo, you hit the sweet spot.

Ahh! Ohh! Girl, you haven't done this in a long time.

I know, baby, but you deserve it.

Do you like the dress I have on?

Do i?

And the dinner I made?

You deserve it, honey.

I sure do. Ahh!

What you want?

O.k., Martin.

All right, you know I repainted my apartment,

And I forgot I'd planned this baby shower for thomasina

From the office.

Mm-hmm--ooh, ooh, baby!

Ooh, girl, little to the left.

Oh!

I wanted to ask you

If I could use your apartment tomorrow night.

Is that all?

Yeah, that's it.

Girl...

Hell, no!

No!

Martin, why not?

I bet you invited bobbi, didn't you, gina?

What if I did?

Big-mouth bobbi!

Man-hating bobbi, huh?

The one with the stun g*n, gina.

She fried my a*s, o.k.?

Martin,

That was an accident.

Gina, she ain't coming up in my house.

But, martin, baby, i--

I don't want to hear no more about it.

That's it.

O.k., O.k., That's fine.

Fine.

[Sighs]

Gina, don't go to the sigh on me, all right?

Oh, so you're going to go the pouty mouth on me?

O.k., O.k., Fine. I'll make a deal with you.

No need you getting all happy and excited.

I ain't told you what it was yet.

I'll make a deal with you.

You can have your baby shower over here tomorrow,

Bobbi and all,

If you take my car to get inspected.

The inspection place is on the east side.

Gina,

I'm not hearing you.

Martin--

What I'm hearing is a bunch of women

Having a baby shower at the motel .

O.k., Martin, I'll take your stupid car to be inspected.

[Humming]

Now, back to my massage, girl.

I'm not hearing you, martin.

What I hear is the sound of a man

Who'll be sleeping alone tonight.

That's what I hear.

Gina, don't you walk out of the room.

If you got to go, leave the grapes.

Leave the grapes!

You a sore loser, girl.

That ain't attractive. Ain't attractive at all.

Whew! Whazzup?

O.k.

All right. Whew! Excuse me.

What, stan? What?

Martin, you're late for another budget meeting.

What'd I miss, stan?

You already put locks on the phones. What's left?

My water bill's way too high.

I'm shutting down the bathroom.

What are we supposed to do?

Stan wants us to use

The bathrooms over at the gas station.

Man, please. Hell, no.

It's all right, martin. He got us our own keys.

You got to be crazy.

I ain't running across no six-lane highway

To use no bathroom, stan.

Timing, martin. It's all in the timing.

Uh, and by the way, martin,

Why were you late?

I was getting things together for gina's baby shower,

If you must know.

A baby? Are you sure it's yours, martin?

Listen, I know a guy

Who can make those paternity tests

Turn out any way you like.

O.k.? I know his number.

Courtney...

Jacque,

Gayle, darice.

Man, waddle on in here with your thick selves, huh?

Hey, martin.

What's happening, bobbi?

Excuse me, bobbi, no offense, but, uh...

Uh-huh, you know...

Don't worry. I left the stun g*n in the car.

All right. Hey, I got my eye on you.

Are you martin?

Yeah, I'm martin.

Wait, you must be...

Thomasina?

What's happening?

So, you're martin.

Yeah.

What? What? What?

What, gina told you some things about me?

Oh, no, no, uh-uh.

When are you going to throw us out?

Now or can we get some dip first?

Y'all a bunch of funny mother--

Shut your mouth! Shut your mouth!

Can we have something to drink?

Yeah, yeah, you can have something to drink, bobbi.

Yeah, I got soda.

Y'all want sodas?

Too much caffeine.

Cool, bobbi. I'll figure it out.

Uh, orange juice. Y'all like orange juice?

No. It gives me gas.

O.k., Ooh...

Got some wine-- whoops.

Bad idea. That's what got you pregnant in the first place.

Boing!

Sisters, don't let him bother you.

It's his ego. You know how men are.

Mm-hmm.

I got to give it to gina, though.

She does have him well-trained.

Ruff, ruff, ruff!

I bet he goes on the paper, too.

So, girl, is wayne ready for the big event?

Ready? What's he got to be ready for?

He holds the camcorder

While I walk through hell with gasoline drawers.

Oh, no! Hold on! Hold on!

O.k., Ladies, listen. Listen, o.k.?

Y'all are going to have to ease up on the brothers,

Since I'm the only one here to defend us.

Excuse me. Nobody's talking to you.

Let me check to make sure.

Is anybody talking to him? No?

I didn't think so.

Why are you here?

'Cause I pay rent up in here?

Why are you here?

Because gina invited me.

By the way, where is she?

I don't know, but she better get here soon.

You ain't going to be disrespecting me in my house.

You want me, bobbi? You want me?

♪ Don't you know no good? ♪

♪ Don't you know no good? ♪

♪ Don't you know no good? ♪

♪ Don't you know no, no ♪

♪ Gooooo ♪

♪ Oooood? ♪♪

Whoo! Thank you.

I cannot believe martin's car just passed inspection

And then broke down.

I got to find a phone.

This is no place to be walking alone.

We'll take a cab.

Martin can pick up his car tomorrow after it's been stripped.

No, pam, we'll wait and see if the man can fix it.

Excuse me, sir.

What do you think the problem is?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, here.

Hey, ma'am. O.k., Ahem.

Here is what your problem is here.

O.k., Ma'am, the way I sees it,

Is that your pushrods

Are misaligned between your, uh,

Your camshaft lifter and your rocker arm.

You really know cars.

Yeah, well, you know there's only one thing

I know better than cars. You know, my first love

Is my music.

♪ Don't you know no goooood? ♪

♪ Don't you-- ♪♪

How long you been doing this?

I say I've been doing this, ma'am,

For about, uh, years.

I remember in whatchamacallit got out of the service,

And he just let everybody know how he was.

Uh, yeah, about ', ma'am,

And--for years.

I mean, you asked me how long I've been doing--

Forget it!

O.k. Uh, right.

But you know what, ma'am?

I've been singing all my life.

Back on out, ma'am.

♪ Don't you know no good-- ♪♪

Excuse me? Excuse me? Excuse me?

Excuse me? Hello?

Do you think you can fix it, please?

Well, ma'am,

I don't see why not.

If there's anything I know,

Elroy preston knows some cars.

But guess what I know more than cars, ma'am.

Guess what I know more than cars.

What's that?

My music!

♪ I say, don't you know no good? ♪♪

No, baby, let me tell you something.

Men are trifling.

We feed you, dress you, and clean up after you.

Hey! All right!

So, you fell for that?

You fell for that?

Look like your man got you well-trained.

No, no, no, no!

Forget this, o.k.? Forget this.

I don't know why I'm wasting my time arguing with you.

You're useless.

All men are useless.

Well, you know what? You throwed me, bobbi.

Since you hate men so much,

Why you trying so hard to look like one?

Hey, hey!

I'm sorry!

I'm--i'm sorry!

But your fade looks better than mine.

You want to walk with the big dogs.

You want to stomp with the big dogs, don't you?

I'll tell you what.

Let your goatee grow and you might be in the house.

No, no, no, no.

See, you're stupid, o.k.?

You're ignorant.

You are a stupid, ignorant man.

Well--well, watch how ignorant I can be, huh?

I'm an ignorant man, huh?

Then get out of my ignorant house.

Bye, all.

Get to waddling!

Yeah, you got to go, too.

Out! Waddle!

Yes, go, bye!

Thomasina's in the bathroom.

She can wait for gina if she wants,

But I can't stand to be around you for another second.

You ain't got to wait.

I'm sorry, almighty god. I'm sorry.

Them women be tripping on us men sometimes.

She didn't have to say that, god.

Talking about "men are useless."

Ooh!

Ohh!

Hey!

Hello?

Hey, hey, what's wrong with you?

My water just broke.

I'm having contractions.

The baby's coming!

Ah--

Aah!

Bobbi!

I need another man!

Uh, um, look,

I saw your friends down the hallway.

If you run, you could catch them.

Aah!

I'm having a baby! You got to help me!

No, you're right. I can't do this.

Everything you said about men was true.

You said we're trifling and useless.

Everything you said was true.

Snap out of it!

All right! All right!

That won't happen again, o.k.?

You're getting a little too comfortable with your slapping.

The first one brought me back,

The second one gets you tossed out.

I can't do this alone.

Tell me what you want me to do.

Get some pillows. Help me position myself.

You know about the pillow

'Cause you take that class, right?

Now I know why mama had plastic slipcovers.

Go back. Go back.

Now, um, what I do now?

Ohh!

Aah!

Girl, I don't even know you.

Let's ease into this.

Ohh!

Oh, no! Close your legs.

My man!

You know. You know.

Yo! Yo! Come here!

Help me out!

We ain't into that!

She's having a baby!

Baby?

Oooohhhh!

Oh! Oh!

Tommy, cole!

What?

She got the hand!

She got the hand!

She got the hand!

Tommy, cole!

♪ Don't you know nooo ♪

♪ G-ooo-oood? ♪♪

Try it now, little lady.

[Engine starts]

Yes!

You're really a hell of a mechanic.

You think so, ma'am?

But you know what?

I'm a better singer.

Check me out.

♪ Don't you know-- ♪♪

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Aah!

You have been singing for the past hour.

That's the most god-awful song

I've ever heard in my life.

Well, tell me about it, ma'am.

But you know how it is

When you wake up

And you hear a song in your head

That you just can't get it out, ma'am?

That happened to me about years ago,

And I've been singing this song ever since.

I say--

♪ Don't you know no good? ♪

Stop it!

Stop it!

Stop it!

♪ Don't you know no good-- ♪♪

For the love of god, would you...stop!

Ma'am. I fixed your car, ma'am,

And I didn't charge you nothing.

And all I ever wanted to do was finish my song.

All I ever wanted to do was finish my song.

Finish the song and get off my car.

You want to hear it?

Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Do the people want the song?

You got the song.

♪ Don't you know ♪

♪ No-oooo ♪

♪ Go-ooo-oood ♪

♪ Ooo-ooo-ooo ooo-oood? ♪♪

All right!

All right!

Thank you! Thank you, ma'am!

Thank you. I finished the song.

Thank you!

I got to go, but thank you.

Go!

Can you believe that?

Can you believe that?

This is crazy.

[Pam and gina] ♪ don't you know no good? ♪

♪ Don't you know no good? ♪♪

Martin, I can't get through!

Is busy!

Hang up, tommy. We don't need 'em.

We can do this. We're men.

Cole,

How far apart are the attractions?

Every seconds.

Heart rate?

Steady.

Systolic and diastolic normal.

Cole, where'd you get that from?

Me and mom was watching doogie howser.

Shut up, cole!

They say the most important thing

Is you keep 'em calm,

And everything will take care of itself.

Tommy, put on some luther.

Cole, light some incense.

Girl, listen. Relax, o.k.?

We are here.

Relax, all right?

You cool?

We're here.

We're here. All right.

I--i need some ice.

Ice for your mouth? The mouth? O.k.

The mouth! All right, fine.

Aah! The baby's coming!

Martin!

Whoo! It's coming!

It's coming!

Aah!

I caught him! I caught him!

Wait, wait, wait. Hold on, man!

Where's the umbilical cord?

Damn it, tommy, we don't need an umbilical cord.

This is tv!

I got to wash the baby.

I saw this on emergency.

Don't worry, the water's not cold.

Ohh!

Ohh!

Ohh!

Oh! Oh, it's a-- it's a boy!

It's a boy! Look out!

He's opening his eyes!

He's opening the eyes!

Hi, baby.

[Baby cooing]

Come on.

Ohh!

Whazzup?

[Baby cooing] whazzup?

[High-pitched] whazzup?

Oh, martin love to kiss.

I love to kiss.

Martin! Martin!

♪ Don't you know no good? ♪

♪ Don't you know no good? ♪

♪ Don't you know no good? ♪

♪ Don't, don't, don't ♪

♪ Don't you know no good? ♪

♪ Don't you know no good? ♪

♪ Don't you know no good? ♪

♪ Don't, don't, don't ♪

♪ Don't you g-o-o-d? ♪

♪ Don't you know no good? ♪

♪ G-o-o-d ♪

♪ Don't, don't, don't ♪

♪ Don't you know no good? ♪

♪ Don't you know no good? ♪

♪ Don't you know no good? ♪

♪ Don't, don't, don't ♪

♪ Good, good, good ♪

♪ Don't you know no good? ♪

♪ Good, good, good ♪

♪ Don't, don't, don't ♪

♪ Don't you know no good? ♪

♪ Don't you know no good? ♪

♪ Don't you know ♪

♪ No, baby no, no, no, no ♪

♪ No ♪

♪ Yeah ♪ whoo ♪

♪ Ooo-ooo-ooo ooo-oood? ♪♪