02x16 - No Justice, No Peace

[bunniefuu]

Martin, the party isn't around here.

We've been driving for two hours.

We are lost.

Let me see the map.

Right here.

Whoa.

I gotcha.

Damn. They done moved the street, baby.

They didn't move the street.

[Police siren]

What did you do?

Martin.

I didn't do nothing.

Put your hands on the steering wheel

Where I can see them.

Just the driver, please.

Roll down your window, please, sir.

Good evening.

Driver's license and registration, please.

All right. Uh, what's the problem, officer?

Problem is you ran a stop sign back there, sir.

You did a rolling stop.

You did not stop

And rolled right through the stop sign.

I'm so glad you know the law,

But I didn't run no stop sign, columbo.

You're not giving me a ticket, are you?

Mm-hmm.

Look, man, let me treat you to a doughnut.

They got a doughnut shop down the street.

They tell me the glazed is kickin'.

Don't eat doughnuts, mr. Payne.

Sign right here, please.

You don't eat doughnuts?

You eat froot loops or something.

Captioning made possible by warner bros.

Captioning made possible by warner bros.

* Martin *

How y'all been? * Martin

* Martin *

* Martin *

To give me no warning.

Brothers, they don't get no warning.

You see what I'm saying?

You know, but I ain't being punked

By no cop, or nobody for that matter.

For real.

Right, right, right.

Now, martin...

You're letting this ticket drive you crazy, baby.

Why don't you let it go?

That's the third ticket I got this month.

My insurance is about to blow up.

You know what? I see what's going on.

It's a hustle. That's right.

The cops, the insurance company.

Everybody's hustling everybody, gina.

Baby, the world is a ghetto.

[Knock on door]

Excuse me.

Yo.

Hey. Are you, uh, mr. Payne?

That's me.

Tony angelo, attorney at law.

I will fight for youse.

Martin, baby. Excuse me. Come here, baby.

Bring it to the front.

No, you didn't hire that lawyer

With the sleazy tv commercial.

Baby, you heard the man.

Shh. He's going to fight for mese. Shh.

Hey.

Oh, my god. What--

Yeah.

What happened?

What do you mean?

Your ears. What...

What is that, the accident?

What did you get, dragged?

No, no, man. Nothing wrong with my ears.

I was born this way. I'm not ashamed.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Why should you be? It's not your fault.

Jeez.

What?

Wow.

What?

Wow.

What are you looking at?

Yeah.

Nothing.

Uh...memo to myself--

File claim for massive head swelling.

Ha ha ha!

Zz! Zz!

Shut up.

He tried to go with my ears.

Now he says something

About your head, though, baby.

O.k. I'm cool. I'm cool.

All right, let's get down to brass tacks.

You can begin by telling me

Exactly, uh, where did the accident occur?

Accident? There wasn't no accident.

Martin only got a ticket.

Yeah. But, you see,

After the cop left,

Martin here was so traumatized

By being wrongly accused

That he ran smack into a tree.

You get it?

Ba-da--better.

Got it, baby.

Don't you say--shh.

We'll act like I was in an accident.

That's right.

And sue the cops.

Ah! And then get crazy paid.

Am I right or wrong?

Martin, you're not suing the police department.

Girl, would you hush? You heard the man.

We can get paid on your head.

There is nothing wrong with my head, o.k.?

I'm going back to bed.

Oh, baby.

Don't start.

Your head is not big.

You just got a lot on your mind.

Man.

Uh, I don't know.

She-she's a good woman,

Very good woman. She's good to me,

But ever since the concussion,

Stuff is just spinning with her, man.

Clink, clink, clink, clack, clack, spin.

Ahh. Whatever.

Believe me, believe me, I understand.

Frankly, it's better she left the room.

You got any naked pictures of your girlfriend?

What?

No, no, no.

No, no, no. See, it's--

It's just that I don't trust her.

Yeah. I got this feeling here in my gut.

On the witness stand, she might turn on you.

If she does, I come back with the nudie shots.

Ba-bang! She shuts her yap.

Yo, man, just handle the ticket. Is that cool?

Hey, the ticket's no problem.

The cop's on vacation.

He's not even going to show.

Without him, they got no case,capisce?

I'm going to win?

Hey, no cop, no case.

Excuse--excuse me.

Clank, clank. Memo to myself--

Martin, since you're going to win,

You don't need no lawyer.

Tony angelo, you can raise that there this way.

All right, mr. Payne. I'm leaving.

I see there's no money here anyway.

Boom boom.

Let me offer you some advice.

Between your big ears

And your girlfriend's balloon head,

Don't have any kids.

That thing's going to fly before it can walk.

Easy. Why you got to go to the violence, man?

Aren't we brothers?

Oh. See. Uh-uh.

See, this is going to be good, y'all.

All rise.

The honorable judge wheatley presiding

In the case of the city of detroit vs. Martin payne.

Be seated.

Mr. Payne, how do you plead?

Uh, sister, judge, not guilty.

Is the arresting officer present?

Whazzup, brother?

Black power.

No, your honor.

Well, then we have no case,

And I'll be dismissing this.

No, no. No, no, no.

Ms. Judge, do not bang your gavel.

I have been wrongly accused,

And I will be heard.

Now, the city of detroit

Falsely accused me of running a stop sign.

Now, ms. Judge, I got a record.

It's not that I can't handle it...

But when I see the pain in my mama's eyes...

I demand...

An apology.

Yeah, well, you'll have to demand that from the mayor.

You're free to go.

May I bang the gavel now?

Judge--

Do not bang that gavel.

I've come to serve justice, your honor.

I was away on my vacation in bermuda,

But my sacred duty to uphold the law

Has called me back.

Yeah, yeah, well, you're too late.

Go on, bang your gavel.

It's for all the black people around america.

Bang your gavel.

No, mr. Payne.

You're going to bang this gavel, sister!

Bailiff! Get this man off me!

Brother.

Damn, you're strong.

Damn, you're strong, brother.

Damn, you're strong.

Whoo!

Ah, yeah.

What--what happened to the black power?

Whump. There it is.

Oh, yes, mr. Payne.

We will be having a trial.

Whazzup?

Uh...and...do...

Mr. Payne, would you begin your cross-examination?

Whoo!

Aye, aye.

Um...

Trooper williams,

When you pulled up to my car--ha ha--

Explain what you found inside.

You were driving the vehicle,

And those four people over there were inside with you.

Which four people? There's lots of people here.

Those four people right there.

Over there?

Right there, sir.

Nyaaaaah...right here?

That is correct.

, , , .

Let me take a look.

So what you're saying is that

You saw agang of black people in a fancy car.

It was a subaru. It wasn't that fancy.

Uh, trooper williams...

Are you saying black folks can't afford expensive cars,

Huh, boss hogg?

You don't like black people very much, do you, sir?

Well, I happen to like one very much.

Oh?

My wife of years.

She's sitting in the front row.

Stand up, honey, and say hello to mr. Payne.

She's fine, ain't she?

Well, uh, I guess you done won this round.

Sister...

You can always come home.

You can always come home.

No further questions, your honor.

Ain't this a bla...

Sister done took a walk on the wild side.

Ms. Waters...

May I call you gina?

All right,

You love me, girl?

Yes, martin, you know I do.

And, uh, how's your man looking in his suit?

It's nice. It's very nice.

You like that, huh?

Let me ask you a question.

When you saw me...

Walking down the aisle...

Looking just as good as I want to look

In my fine new suit, did you say to yourself,

"Damn! Why me?

How'd I get with that?"

Yes. I had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming.

Ow!

You ain't dreaming, baby.

Now, don't mock me, o.k.?

Now, getting to the night in question,

Baby, tell the jury, your man didn't run no stop sign.

Ahem.

Come on, sugar, hurry up. People got places to go.

I'm sorry. I can't, baby.

You see, I was looking down at the map.

I don't remember what happened.

No, baby, sure, you do.

I mean, we're tight, me and you,

You know, like ashford and simpson,

Bonnie and clyde thing,

Ike and tina.

Ike and tina, gina.

I swore on the bible.

I don't remember what happened, o.k.?

What? I knew you'd get--

You don't remember, huh?

Maybe I can refresh your memory.

Do you remember now, gina?

[Gasps]

Aah!

Do you remember now?

Where did you get this, martin?

I took it while you were asleep.

Tony angelo told me you'd change on me, girl.

You may step down.

Just stay away from me.

Don't you know? You don't ever go against your man.

Mr. Payne.

Just don't say nothing to me.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I was with you, matlock.

That's very funny, "heady" murphy.

Just tell the jury

That I did not run that stop sign.

I was looking for a number in my address book.

You have an address book? May I see it?

Yeah, please. We're pressed for time.

Ahem.

Exhibit "a."

Ahem.

Let's see what you got here.

Uh, "chip, ernest,

"Craig, tito,

Jermaine..."

You got a lot of brothers in your book.

Don't you know some women, man?

There's plenty of women's names in there.

You're right. Here's one.

"Claudine...gtd."

What does gtd stand for?

Uh...[Mumbling]

Tommy, I've asked a question.

What does gtd stand for?

I answered the question. [Mumbling]

Man, you are in a court of law.

A lot of people in here can't hear you.

Your honor, make him speak up.

What does gtd stand for?

Got the drawers, o.k.?

Order in the court!

[Gavel pounding]

Order in this court!

[Gavel pounding]

Order in the court!

Order in my court! Order!

It tripped me up

Because I thought they'd throw the thing out.

Mr. Payne.

Yeah. He got the drawers.

Mr. Payne, do you have any more witnesses?

All right, miss judge. Goodness!

Sister, why are you always rushing me?

Baby, if you look on the family tree,

I'm sure me and you are kin.

Me, you, kunta kinte, kizzy, george, all of 'em.

All right? Cluck cluck!

Now...i could go with pam,

But beady-bead hates my guts.

Martin's such a jackass!

Sometimes I really hate him.

Or I could go with cole,

But he ain't too bright.

Crickets chirp]

Mr. Payne, your witness?

I would like to call...

Beady-bead--

Miss pamela james

To the witness stand.

What are you doing?

It's not like that at all.

Everything's going to be cool.

You just roll, and you just flow with it.

Flow and shut up.

Uh...hello. How are you, miss pamela james?

That's some real natural-looking hair you got on there.

Martin, don't get slapped, o.k.?

That's why you ain't got no man.

I've got plenty of men, martin.

You got plenty of men? Name one.

Uh...

Come on, now.

Isn't it true, you don't have a man?

You're kind of looking, huh?

Do you have a tall man? A half a man?

Do you have a man?

No, I don't have a man!

I can't find a man to save my life!

Move out of my way!

You make me sick, martin!

Martin, shut up!

You can't handle the truth.

You can't handle the truth!

Cole brown.

What's up now?

How you doing, brother?

We playing ball tomorrow?

Yeah, about :, right?

:. Boom!

Boom!

Uh, cole, how long have you known me?

All my life.

Please explain to the jury

What happened the night in question.

We was, you know, driving down the street,

And, uh, my man stopped at the stop sign.

Then the man--

Him right there--

Hemmed us up for no reason.

:, Right. Ha ha--you said : tomorrow, right?

Now, cole, are you sure I came to a complete...

Stop?

Yeah, most definitely.

'Cause I observed the speed-o-meter at zero.

As a matter of fact,

Didn't I see you pull up your parking brake?

Enough with the ad libs.

Uh, no further questions, your honor.

My boy!

Mr. Brown, before you step down,

I'm holding here four outstanding parking tickets

You might want to take care of

Before they impound your car.

Impound my car?

Mm-hmm. That's what they usually do.

Impound the pacer?

Mm-hmm.

What you want to know, judge?

I'll tell you what you want to know.

Yeah, yeah, he did it!

He's always doing stuff like that.

He even cheated on last year's taxes.

You didn't tell me it'd be like this.

They were after my pacer.

The pacer. Cole!

Man!

Mr. Payne, do you have a closing statement?

Yes, miss judge, your honor.

Um...

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,

My brother,

Um...

I'm going to get right to the point.

I think the case should be thrown out

Due to the fact that I'm insane.

* Gonna party tonight *

* Gonna party tonight *

* Gonna party tonight **

[Imitating infant] but my mommy say don't do that.

* We'll be comin' around the mountain *

* When we come *

* We'll be comin' around the mountain *

* When we come *

* We'll be comin' around the bend *

* Around the bend *

* Around the bend **

Arrf! Arrf!

Mr. Payne, take a seat!

Behind the table, mr. Payne!

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury...

You are welcome to retire to deliberate your verdict.

Your honor,

We voted three hours ago.

Guilty.

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Oh, mr. Payne, please!

Pay the $ fine, plus $ in court costs.

Hold on! Hold on! Hold on!

$ In court-- court costs?

I ain't got no money, judge!

I ain't got no ends.

You've seen the people I hang out with.

Beady-bead, please,

Show us a shoe.

One shoe!

Next case!

I'm going to get all of y'all,

You, too, lady.

Everyone of y'all--

Damn, the brother grgrabbing me.

All right, hold up! Hold on! Hold on!

Hold on, please.

Hey, the day of the geechie is over.

The day of the geechie is over.

Get him out of my courtroom!

The day of the geechie is over.

The day of the geechie is over.