02x26 - The Hoe Down in Motown

[bunniefuu]

- Ah, ah, ah.

George clinton and snoop doggy dogg put it best,

You know what i’m saying?

The reason i’m looking at your chest

Is ’cause it's nothing but the dog in me.

[Barking]

- Jerome!

- Yeah? - It’s me, lil' dawg.

See, word on the street is you are the man to be.

Now, I want to be like you. Help me, man.

- First of all, who is you?

- Lil’ dawg.

- Well, look here, lil’ dawg, how you just gonna roll up

And move one of my buns out the seat, huh?

That was one of my fresh buns. Huh?

Young buck gonna come in here with his nose all snotty.

You want to know about the game, you better ask somebody.

- All right, but i’m cool.

- How the hell you gonna be cool with binoculars on ya?

You can see in the future, can’t you, man?

You tell me, who’s the next president?

Am I gonna be player of the year?

Is michael jordan coming back to basketball?

Will chia pets go out of style?

Tell me something.

All right, i’ll teach you the game, young’un.

- Which one of these women you gonna mack up in here first?

All right, well, just sit back, relax,

And watch a true player from the himalayas.

Watch me work, lil’ dawg. Watch me work.

I’m gonna be back for you a little later.

Now, you just sit down and--

[Mumbling]

Homie gonna work it out.

Homie gonna work it out.

Homie gonna work it out.

What’s up, girl?

How you doing?

Oh, I don’t hear no music,

But I like to dance my way up to the seat.

Ah, you mind if I sit down?

Now, your name must be mona lisa,

’Cause you're most definitely a work of art.

Girl, I likes to drink your bathwater.

[Funky hip-hop music]

- ♪ Martin, martin

♪ Martin

- ♪ How y’all feel? ♪

- ♪ Martin, martin

♪

- Hey, martin? - Yeah?

- You seen stan around?

He’s been gone for three days.

- I wouldn’t worry about no stan, man.

If I know stan, he’s probably at a motel ,

Locked in a broom closet, buck-naked, in action.

- Yeah.

You know, that used to happen to me all the time.

Then I quit hitch-hiking.

- Excuse me, i’m agent caesar, internal revenue service.

We’re looking for stan winters.

- Oh, you are, huh? - Mm-hmm.

- Well, I haven’t seen him.

Have you, shawn? Have you seen him?

- Stan who?

- Can you tell us where he is?

- He’s in his skin.

[Laughs]

- Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

When he jumps out, you jump in.

[Laughter]

I used to like that show when I was little.

- Well, that’s very funny, fellas, very funny.

Can we get some straight answers?

How about that?

- Well, hold on,rockford files.

How you just gonna come up here, man,

Expect me to drop a dime on my man stan?

I mean, are you crazy? Are you loco?

- Are you wack?

- When you see mr. Winters, will you tell him

He has one week to pay his back taxes

Or we’re gonna have to shut down this...

Station.

Thank you.

- And stay out.

- Can you believe it?

Stan hasn’t paid taxes in over years.

- Yeah, I can believe it.

- I don’t blame him.

I ain’t mad at stan.

I mean, we pay the government all that tax money,

And all they give us is cheese.

- Hey, martin, I rushed right over

As soon as I got this videotape from stan.

[All yelling at once]

Wait, wait, no, it’s a message to martin.

- All right, all right,

But keep your hand on the stop button, okay?

I ain’t trying to see stan licking hot sauce

Off of maya’s feet, all right?

Soft stomach. Pukey pukey.

- Mr. Winters, the plastic surgeon is ready to see you.

Have you picked out your new face?

- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Look, give me that yaphet kotto nose,

And give them mick jagger lips, okay?

And, oh, yeah, throw in the al b. Sure! Eyebrow, okay?

[All moaning]

Hello, martin.

Now, I would tell you where I am, man,

But as i’m sure you know by now, the man is on my a*s, man.

Now, martin, look, I need your help.

Now, I know we’ve had our disagreements in the past.

I’ve siphoned gas out of your car,

And I stole money from your desk,

But, hey, i’m willing to set those differences aside

If you are.

Martin, I need for you to send me $,

To pay off the government.

That’s all I ask, man.

[All yelling at once]

- And, oh, by the way, martin,

If you haven’t cashed that paycheck by now,

I can’t help you, man.

Peace. Peace.

- Damn, martin.

They shutting stan down.

Looks like you gonna be out of a job.

So what you gonna do now, bro?

- Pam, what i’m gonna do is help stan get the money,

Okay, so he doesn’t lose the station

And I don’t lose my job, pam.

- But, martin, brother,

How exactly are you gonna raise $,?

- You know what?

I’m feeling kind of stressed, and I ain’t in the mood

For no bald-head reasoning right now, okay?

Why don’t you get out, huh? Take the globe and go.

[Laughter]

Hey, hey, hey

Prell man, you get out.

Yeah, prell and split ends, you get out.

All right, got rid of you.

Black-eyed peas, you get out.

All right. All right.

You call me black-eyed pea-- - hey, hey.

Call it what you want.

Afro man, you get out. Uh-huh.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. One by one.

- All right, i’m going. What about your woman’s hair?

- Hey now.

- Ain’t nothing wrong with my woman’s hair.

Her hair’s fine.

- That’s right. I’m happy to be nappy, cole.

- What’s up, detroit?

This is marin payne,

And we’re getting ready to kick off the stan-aid radio-thon.

[Both cheering]

We’re staying on the air till we’ve raised enough money

To help our brother out.

Now, the phone lines are open. Let’s get your pledges please.

First caller, how much are you pledging?

- $, Martin.

- Whoo, lady. Now, that’s a start.

- No, that’s what stan owes me.

He took it out of my purse after he slept with my sister.

Stan ain’t nothing but a snake.

- Oh, lady.

Listen, lady, if I don’t raise the money,

Baby, old marty-mar is gonna be out a job, lady.

You ain’t gonna hear my voice no more.

- So? - So?

So, lady, I ain’t trying to be like the rest of you losers

Sitting around in the middle of the day

Listening to the damn radio.

That’s so, lady. Okay? Next caller.

- Hello, martin.

- Stan? Stan, is that you?

- Yes, it is.

Don’t worry about the money,

Because i’ve taken care of everything.

I sold wzup.

The new owner should be there in a minute.

- h*, h*, h*, h*, stan, you sold wzup?

To who?

Who did you sell the station to, stan?

- Whee-haw!

What the hell’d I buy?

This ain’t a country music station!

Stan done screwed me over.

Well, kick a mule.

- Who are you, man?

- Red mcmasters,

New owner of weha country music in motown.

Whee-haw!

- What’s up. I mean, whee-haw.

[Sighs]

This is martin payne.

You’re listening to another full hour of charley pride,

The first brother of country, and the only brother of country.

Believe me. I looked.

Now, we’ll be right back after I choke the chicken.

- Did I actually hear you say "whee-haw"?

- Yeah, shawn. I guess I got to, man.

I got bills.

Like I tell you, shawn,

Old marty-mar’s not getting country music, man.

Every song is about lonely, drunk people

Trying to get over a broken heart.

It’s bringing me down, man.

- Well, I don’t know. I live in trailer park.

Makes me feel like I got it going on.

- [Coughing]

Hey, shawn. Howdy, marty.

- It’s marty, red. It’s martin. Martin. Okay?

What’s up with your gear?

- One of my oil rigs caught on fire.

Had to put it out.

- You know how to put out oil rig fires?

- No, I don’t.

It’s a damn shame too.

Maybe we could have saved some of them folks.

- Look here, red.

We got to rap a taste about this new format, man.

Yeah, it ain’t happening.

You see, this is motown.

You know? Motown.

I mean, ain’t nobody in detroit trying to hear country music.

I mean, nobody I know, red.

- You think, marty?

- Oh, I know. Oh, i’ve talked to people.

Yeah. And it’s not your fault.

You don’t know the score, red.

I mean, you’re a country boy, right?

A big city is distracting

To an old country boy like you, huh?

What, with all the horseless carriages and flying machines.

Red, now, the way martin thinks you should run this station--

- Oh, to hell with that, marty.

Look, I just know that you can turn this country mama out, huh?

Me and you, marty, we gonna put the moo back in motown.

- Red, I don’t know about this, red.

- Yeah, you do.

Now, look, to solidify our new friendship,

And so you can keep your job,

Could I have a little "whee-haw"?

- Red, I don’t be whee-hawing for nobody.

- Oh, come on, marty. Whee-haw!

- Damn, red, you’re busting my eardrums, red.

- Martin, whee-haw!

- Whee-haw! Whee-haw!

You happy now, red?

- That’s great. [Laughs]

Two weeks, we gonna have the whole city singing country.

- Gina. - Huh?

- I’ma tell you, I don’t know if I can play

That music another day, gina.

It’s driving us apart.

- Martin, what are you talking about?

- Country music, gina.

Every time I listen to it, I get the feeling you--

You sneaking around town on me, gina.

Lying, cheating, and drinking, gina.

- You know what?

You’re not even giving the music a chance.

That’s what's wrong.

- That’s because it ain’t our music, gina.

All right?

Believe me, gina, there’s only one brother

In country music, and that’s charley pride,

And I done played his records every which-a-way, gina,

Forwards, backwards.

You know what charley pride records say

When you play ’em backwards?

"Help me, i’m a black man trapped in country music."

- [Laughs]

Okay, martin.

Let me put it to you like this, okay?

Um...

You need the dough.

- Ya think?

- Oh, brother, I know, see, ’cause see that there?

This ring here? That’s a pretty little thing.

See, I know how much that thing cost,

And now that I wrote you that thank you card,

You ain’t getting it back.

- Yeah, well, whatever, gina. - It’s mine.

- All right, fine.

Yes, it is yours, and it’s pretty,

So do what you got to do, but I got to tell you, girl,

I was sneaking listening to the country music.

- Uh-huh? - I kind of like it.

- Ah. - No, no, I mean, not--

I mean, I mixed it with snoop dogg’sgin and juice.

It was phat, gina.

♪ Achy-breaky gin and juice

Ah, gina, you should have saw.

- See, that’s what i’m talking about.

Somebody’s got to take country to that other level.

- Yeah. - If not you, then who?

If not now, then when?

And if not detroit, then, damn it, where?

Huh?

- You know what? - What?

- You should be a motivational speaker.

You should.

You should be, like, the motivational--listen to me.

But you know what, baby? I’ma try it.

Yeah, yeah.

Country music is about to get integrated...

By any means necessary.

- See, now that’s my martin.

- No, that’s your marty, gina. - Oh, that’s my marty?

- That’s your marty. - That’s my marty.

- That’s your marty. - That’s my marty.

- Whee-haw!

Howdy, parts.

This here is marty payne

On detroit’s number-one country station.

Now let’s listen to a little something

I wrote for the ladies.

It’s calledif you walk away from me,

I’ll just love you from behind.

One, two, one, two, three.

♪ I can see it in your eyes

♪ You got changes on your mind

♪ I told you’d get to steppin' ♪

♪ Now you step in double time

♪ If you only turned around

♪ True love is what you’d find ♪

♪ But if you walk away from me

♪ I’ll just love you from behind ♪

Both: ♪ from behind, from behind ♪

♪ If you walk away from me

♪ I’ll just love you from behind ♪

♪ From behind, from behind

♪ If I can’t love you to the front ♪

♪ I’ll just love you from behind ♪

♪ Ah, ah

[Cheering]

- Now, why don’t y'all sit a spell,

And we’ll be back on detroit's number-one country station.

Yee-haw!

[All cheering]

[Cheering]

- Marty.

- [Cheering]

- You’re giving this a hell of a try, ain’t ya?

- Oh, I appreciate that, red.

I got to tell you, I didn’t think I had it in me, red.

I really didn’t, but, red, you know what?

I got to tell you right now,

I’m happier than eartha kitt's drawers on their day off, red.

[Laughter]

- Hey, the music done got to you, ain’t it?

- I used to think country music was about feeling bad.

Oh, no, red.

It’s about sharing all the pain in your heart.

See how powerful I just mosey?

- That’s just great, marty.

Now, just hold on a minute.

Now, I before I burst your bubble,

Seeing as how you got all countrified

And everything for me, you know,

But you remember when I told you

I wanted to put the moo back in motown?

- Moo.

- I must have been out of my damn mind.

- You want to run that by me again, red?

- Our numbers are in the crapper, marty,

And frankly, I blame you.

See, I thought you was gonna bring this kind of street edge

To country, but, hell, you’re corny.

- You mean everything I tried to do to fit in around here, red?

I mean, I bought the hat,

The tight-a*s jeans, the boots, man.

Huh? Huh?

All to save my job, and now you’re gonna call me corny?

- Yeah, see, I thought you was gonna bring a kind of urban,

Gangsta, cowboy kind of thing to it, see?

But it just ain’t happening.

- You know, red, cool.

Well, I feel the edge coming on, red.

Yeah, since we coming back from commercial, huh?

I feel the edge.

You might want to get out your tape recorder,

’Cause this is gonna be a historical moment.

Yeah.

Well, look here, we are back,

And I want to tell you something about our new owner,

Red mcmasters.

That [bleep] [bleep] [bleep] [bleep] red mcmasters.

That’s right, when he ain't [bleep] [bleep], okay,

He’s taking a [bleep] sheep horn [bleep].

Okay? All right?

And [bleep] part time, okay?

All right?

He’s [bleep] doing commercials with his punk [bleep],

All right?

Now, we’ll be back after this commercial after red [bleep].

- [Laughs]

- Was that edgy enough for you, red?

Huh?

Whoo. Was that edgy enough?

- Marty, marty? - What?

- You funny as hell.

And you fired.

- Fired?

Is that right, red?

Radio!

- The hell’d you do that for?

- Looked fly when spike lee did it in the movie.

But you know what I mean.

I’m out of here, red.

- [Coughing] howdy shawn. Marty.

- Martin, man. It’s martin, all right?

Uh, what’s up with the gear?

- One of my oil rigs caught on fire.

[Laughs]

- What’s up with your gear, man?

- One of my oil rigs caught on fire.

[Laughs]

Ready? - Yeah.

Picking it up right from here.

- All right. All right. All right.

Here we go.

- What’s up with your-- [laughs]

- [Laughs]

- We gonna get it. We gonna get it.