06x02 - Ed-a-Go-Go

[bunniefuu]

[NEIGHING]

Hello.

I'm Mister Ed.

♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪

♪ And no one can talk
to a horse, of course ♪

♪ That is, of course,
unless the horse ♪

♪ Is the famous
Mister Ed♪ ♪

♪ Go right to the source
and ask the horse ♪

♪ He'll give you the answer
that you'll endorse ♪

♪ He's always
on a steady course ♪

♪ Talk to Mister Ed.♪ ♪

[LOUD MUSIC PLAYING]

Wilbur, what're you doing
on the floor in the
middle of the night?

As soon as I wake up,
I'll tell ya.

It's those people
next door again.

Somebody ought to have
a talk with them.

What did you say?

I said--

I said somebody
ought to have a talk

with that guy next door.

Really tell him off.

And if he doesn't like it,

he can get out
of the neighborhood!

I agree.

And I want you
to tell him that

first thing
in the morning.

Me? Why me?

You're the one with
the violent temper, not me.

Poor Ed.

That noise must be
scarin' him to death.

Those people next door
are not normal human beings.

They're savages.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[ALL EXCLAIMING]

[GIRL WHOOPING]

Ed, are you okay?

That noise
get you up, huh?



He said
he'd be home early.

He knows how it worries me
when he stays out late.

Uh-oh.

Ed, you said
you'd be home at 10:00.

What time is it?

Silly question.

You know an animal
can't tell time.

An animal that can talk
can tell time.

Ever see a parrot
with a wristwatch?

Ed, you know,

I don't mind you spendin'
an evening

with your horse friends
once in a while.

But when you know
it's getting late,
telephone me.

You know how I worry.

[SNORTS]

It's like being
on parole.

Gotta check
with the warden
every hour.

[LOUD MUSIC PLAYING]

Those neighbors.

We'll put a stop
to that tomorrow.

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

You'll never
stop us swingers.

So now you're a swinger?

What do you think
I was doing tonight
with my friends?

Playing Parcheesi?

I've had enough of it.

Tomorrow,
I take action.

[SNICKERS]
Won't help.

For every hepcat
you crush,

another will pick up
the bongos

and lead the rock and roll
to freedom.

You're not going out
again tonight. Uh-- ooh!

[ALL CHATTERING]

Ed.

It's past midnight.
Now stop that.

You won't be able
to sleep tonight,

you'll get overexcited.

Ed, calm down.

[NEIGHBORS SHOUTING,
CHEERING]

Calm down.

Oh, Wilbur.

I thought you were going
next door to bawl out
the new neighbor

for making all that
racket last night.

Well, I, uh--

I hate to start an argument
on an empty stomach.

You just had
a big breakfast.

Well, maybe he didn't.

Honey, all you have to do
is explain to him

that you're an architect,
you work at home,

and all that
rock and roll bedlam
is disturbing you.

You're right.

I'm going next door
right now

and shove a nasty note
in his milk bottle.

Tiger, I wanna
sleep tonight.

Go and talk
to Mr. Kerrigan now.

All right. May as well
get it over with.

Starting a fight
hardly seems

like a friendly way
of greeting a new neighbor.

Wilbur, will you please
go talk to him?

Yeah.

How big is he?

Not very.

Broad shoulders?

Is he kinda
on the young side?

Small, thin,
and old, huh?

I'll k*ll him.

Kerrigan?

Either you stop this racket

or you move out
of the neighborhood.

[GROANS]

Wh-what happened?

Uh...

[CLEARS THROAT]
Yes, uh, Kerrigan,

I'm your neighbor,
Wilbur Post.

Oh, Tom Kerrigan.
A pleasure.

How do you do?

[GROANING]

Uh, well, won't you
come in, Mr. Post?

I certainly will.
I've got something

very important
to talk to you about.

I'll come right
to the point, Mr. Kerrigan.

For the last few nights
you've been keeping us awake

with that-- that loud
and inconsiderate--

Uh, Mr. Post...

may I offer you
some fruit?

No, thanks.
I just had breakfast.

The point is,
Mr. Kerrigan,

we just can't live here
with that noise.

Now, if necessary,
I'll go from house to house,

and start a
neighborhood petition.

And I'll be
the first one to sign it.

If it'll help,

I'll even go around
ringing doorbells.

Uh, please sit down.

Thank you.

Uh, won't you
have some fruit,
Mr. Post?

Mr. Kerrigan,
if you don't like
rock and roll music,

why do you insist on
playing it all the time?

Oh, it isn't me.
It's-- it's my teenage son.

That's no excuse.

Do you realize
you've kept me awake

for three nights
with that racket?

You're lucky.
It' s kept me awake
for three years.

You should control
your son.

You should've stopped
that racket last night

at a reasonable hour.

Well, unfortunately,
Mr. Post,

I attended a meeting
of my construction company.

I'm in the process
of building a 60-unit
apartment house.

Still, it is
your responsibility.
As the--

you're building
an apartment house?

Yes, the first of several
in this area.

Ah.

Uh, may I
have some fruit?

Oh, yes.

Thank you.
I'll take this.

Mm.

You know, by a
strange coincidence, uh,

neighbor,
I happen to be an architect.

Well, you should be
doing well out here.

On my last building,
I had to pay my architect

over $20,000.

Look, Mr. Post, I--I'm sorry
for any annoyance

my boy may have
caused you people.

Oh, forget it.
I mean,

what's the good
of being a teenager if you
have to act normal?

He got $20,000, huh?

Yes.

Oh, Jeff's really
a wonderful boy,
but he's spoiled.

See, I-I'm a widower,
he's an only son.

Oh, I understand
your problem.

I have an only horse.

Uh, well,

it's-- it's rather
difficult to control

a lively boy like that.

Yeah. I have
the same problem with Ed.

- Your son?
- No, my horse.

Uh, well, uh-- uh,

frankly, Mr. Post, uh,
this morning I discussed

the problem of noise
with my boy.

We were discussing
the same problem this morning.

- With your horse?
- No, my wife.

I have one of each.

Oh.

Look, Mr. Kerrigan,
if you would like,

I'll talk to your son.

I mean, sometimes an outsider
can reach them.

What have we got
to lose, huh?

Oh, uh, Jeff,

would you come down
a minute, son?

[JEFF]
Yeah, coming, Dad.

[DOOR OPENS]

Oh, hi.

Jeff, this is our neighbor,
Mr. Post.

- Oh, hi, Mr. Post.
- Hello, Jeff.

That's a fine boy you
got here, Mr. Kerrigan.

Oh, thank you.

Uh, Mr. Post has something
he wants to tell you.

Oh. Yes, yes.

Yes, uh, look,
it's about those records

you were playing
last night.

See, I was listening,
and, uh--

they really blasted.

Oh, that big beat
really flipped you, huh?

Right out of bed.

Crazy, man.

Hey, I like
the new neighbor, Dad.

Well, we'll
see you around,
Mr. Post.

Yeah.
Oh, uh, son?

Did you, uh,

did you finish
your algebra?

Oh, Dad. You know
I don't dig that algebra jazz.

I-it doesn't dance, man.

It just lays there.

[SIGHS]

Oh, I wish he'd spend
less time with his music

and more time
with his algebra.

If he flunks it again
this term,

he won't get
into college.

Well, now, look.

Algebra was my best subject
at school.

It's simple.

I'd be very happy
to help Jeff out.

Oh, Mr. Post,
I couldn't impose
on you--

Oh, that's no imposition.
It'd be a pleasure.

And I don't want you
to think I'm doing it

just so you'll throw
a little business my way.

I wasn't
thinking of that.

Well, think about it.

[LAUGHS]

I like a man
with a sense of humor.

All right.
Can you see Jeff
after dinner?

Be a pleasure.

Well, I certainly
appreciate this, Mr. Post.

Don't mention it.
What are neighbors for?

Well, thank you.

Thank you.

Ed, what are you doing?

Picketing.

Why? What are
you fighting?

Algebra.

What have you got
against algebra?

It doesn't get up and dance.
It just lays there.

Ed, stand aside.

I have to coach Jeff.

Now, you don't wanna see
that boy drop out of
high school, do you?

If that's what he wants.

Why don't you grown-ups

let us teenagers
do what we want?

All right.
All right, Ed.

If you won't stand aside,
I'll just have to crawl
under you.

[THUD]

Start crawling.

If you won't
get out of the way,
I'll have to use force.

Okay, pick me up
and carry me to the barn.

You're just sore
because I bawled you out

for coming in
late last night.

Nah.
That's not true.

It's the whole attitude
a certain fuddy-duddy has
against us teenagers.

Are you calling me
a fuddy-duddy?

If the duddy fits.

All right.
All right.

You can just sit there
all night if you want.

I'm going around
to the front door.

Uh-oh.

- Ed.
- I have only
begun to fight.

Ed, there is a boy
in there

waiting
for an algebra lesson.

Ah, algebra.

Where would
Elvis Presley be

if he'd wasted his time
with algebra?

Well, he might have become
a college professor.

He'd look pretty silly
twisting in his black robe.

I am going
to get in there.

All right.

Mr. Kerrigan.
Oh, Mr. Kerrigan.

There's a horse
out here.

Please don't embarrass me
in front of the neighbors.

Oh.
Hello, Mr. Post.

Uh, what's your horse
doing here?

Oh, he's just making
a fool of himself.

Come on, Ed,
back to the barn.
Come on.

Well, uh, come on in,
Mr. Post.

Fuddy-duddy.

You'll be sorry
you said that.

Who said what?

He knows.

Now, see, if it takes "x"
three hours to dig a hole

that is eight feet square,

and it takes "y" six hours
to dig the same hole,

how long will it take
"x" and "y" to dig
the same hole together?

I don't dig.

Come on, Jeff.

Surely you remember
the formula

I taught you
for factoring a trinomial?

I forgot. Look, I-I'm
just not hip to this stuff.

Look, I'll give you a hint.

It starts with
"d" square.

Well, no wonder it bothers me.
Man, I-- I don't dig squares.

Come on, Jeff.
Let's not kid around.

Oh, look, Mr. Post.
I-- I told you

I just can't get with these
crazy algebra formulas.

They're too way out, man.
They--

they make me lose
my cool.

Well, now,
you concentrate.

Just repeat after me.

"D" square plus six-d
plus nine...

"d" square plus six-d
plus nine...

...Equals "d" plus
three times "d" plus three.

...equals "d" plus
three times "d" plus three.

[RHYTHMICALLY]
"D" plus three times
"d" plus three,

equals "d" plus three times
"d" plus three.

Hey, it really swings, man.

Never mind the swinging.

Please, now.
Just concentrate on the--
on the whole equation.

"d" square plus six-d
plus nine

equals "d" plus three times--

uh, "d"-- "d" squared
plus six...

"d" square plus...

"d" square plus six "d"
plus nine

equals "d" times three
plus "d"...

"d" square--

- Mr. Post.
- Hmm?

- You know your problem?
- What?

You lost the beat.

Oh, did I?

Ed, you'll k*ll yourself.
Get off that skateboard.

[WHOOPING]

Ed, look out!

[CRASHING]

[GROANING]

Ed, what are you,
some kinda nut?

I was doing great
till I tried standin'
on my head.

[GROANING]

Ed, I swear.
You have flipped.

Why? 'cause I'm acting
like a swingin' teenager
like Jeff?

We are not
discussing Jeff.

Admit it, Wilbur.

The only reason
you're teaching him is

you want
a job from his father.

That's not true, Ed.

Now, it-- it may have
started that way, but...

well, now, I--
I really like the boy.

I wanna help him.

[MISTER ED]
you're wasting your time.

The only one he'll listen to
is a fellow swinger.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Well, how do you
like my a-go-go?

Real cool, man.
Except for one thing.

What's that?

Well, there's, uh-- there's
not enough of you a-goin'.

Well, what am I doing
that's wrong?

Well, here,
let me show you.

We'll start off
with the frug.

The frug?

Yeah, it's, uh,
it's sort of like the twist,

only instead of goin'
from side to side,

you-- you bump
and wiggle.

Here, let me show you.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

This is easy.

- Like shaking dice
in your back pocket.
- Right!

Now, here, look.
This is the monkey.

Oh.

Here.
Now here's the swim.

Yeah, man.
Yeah!

Here, now this
is the mule.

Cool, man, cool.

Yeah!
You got it.

This is called
the mule.

At your age,
I'd call it the jackass.

[LAUGHS]
Oh.

I-- I think I hear
my algebra calling me.

What are you teaching him?
Algebra or clam digging?

Uh, no, no.
You see,

I was just trying
to win his confidence.

I figure if I can
get Jeff to accept me,

I'll have better luck
with the algebra.

I see.
You're sort of

twisting your way into
the boy's confidence, eh?

No, that's not the twist.
That's the mule.

[LOUD MUSIC PLAYING]

It's that boy again.

Wilbur,
call his father.

You bet I will.

I'll call that guy.

[TITTERING]

Hey.

That music is coming
from the barn.

The barn?

Who would be playing
music in our barn?

I haven't
the slightest idea.

And he'd better have
a good excuse.

[MISTER ED]
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Hey, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Hey, yeah,
yeah, yeah ♪

[NEIGHING]

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Hey, hey ♪

♪ Hey, hey
hey, hey ♪

[WHINNYING]

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Hey, yeah ♪

Oh, no.

Ed, you
should know better.

[MUSIC STOPS]

[DISTANT MUSIC PLAYING]

Now, who can that be?

Jeff Kerrigan.

Jeff Ker--

Don't fight it, Pops.

We kids are takin'
over the world.

[DOORBELL RINGING]

Come in, Post.
Come in, boy.

Well?
What do you think?

You, too, huh?

Oh, it's smart business.

If you can't beat 'em,
join 'em.

Look, if you're gonna do it,
why don't you do it right?

Watch.

Huh?

Uh, I hate to interrupt
you two cats,

but, uh,
I'm tryin' to sleep.

I've got
an exam tomorrow.

[CLEARING THROAT]

[MUSIC STOPS]

[SIGHS]
This younger generation,

what a bunch of squares.

[YAWNING]

What time did you
get in last night?

Oh, eleven-ish,
twelve-ish.

Maybe one-ish?

That's possible-ish.

It's your life.

You wanna be a rebel teenager,
you do what you like.

[YAWNS]

Cool, man.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

[JEFF]
Mr. Post, you in there?

Yeah.
Right here, Jeff.

Great news, Mr. Post.

I got an "A" in algebra.

Cool. Cool.

How did you remember
all the equations?

A breeze. I did it
with rock and roll.

"x" squared times three
plus "b" over "b"

equals nine-a-b
over c-d-two.

Solid. That'll sell
a million records.

Oh, it sure
flipped Dad.

Say, that reminds me.
He wants to know if you can
have lunch with him.

Talk about
his new building.

Cool. Cool.

Well, we'll see you,
Mr. Post.

And-- and thanks a lot
for all the help.

You're welcome, Jeff.
See ya.

[CHUCKLES]

You hear that, Ed?

- He's got--
- [SNORING]

What's the matter, fella,
you tired?

It's fun
being a teenager,

but the hours k*ll you.

[YAWNS]

♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪

♪ And no one can talk
to a horse, of course ♪

♪ That is, of course,
unless the horse
is the famous Mister Ed ♪

♪ Go right to the source
and ask the horse ♪

♪ He'll give you the answer
that you'll endorse ♪

♪ He's always on
a steady course ♪

♪ Talk to Mister Ed ♪

♪ People yakkity-yak a streak
and waste your time of day ♪

♪ But Mister Ed
will never speak ♪

♪ Unless he has
something to say ♪

♪ A horse is a horse,
of course, of course ♪

♪ And this one'll talk
till his voice is hoarse ♪

♪ You never heard
of a talking horse? ♪

♪ Well, listen to this ♪

♪ I am Mister Ed ♪

MAN: This has been
a Filmways presentation.