02x04 - The Heiress

[bunniefuu]

♪ There is more to life
than what you're living

♪ So take a chance
and face the wind

♪ An open road
and a road that's hidden

♪ A brand new life
around the bend

♪ There were times

♪ I lost a dream or two

♪ Found the trail

♪ And at the end was you

♪ There's a path you take
and a path not taken

♪ The choice is up
to you my friend

♪ Nights are long
but you might awaken

♪ To a brand new life

♪ Brand new life

♪ Brand new life
around the bend ♪

Dad, can I sleep over
Marcie's house tonight?

Oh, no, no, no.
Tonight's a school night.

Not if I cut school tomorrow.

-MONA: Good morning.
-Hey, Mona.

-Hi, Mona.
-Hi, Grandma.

Good morning, darling.

Angela, you think you might
put the paper down
for one second

and say good morning
to your mother.

ANGELA: Uh-huh.

Angela, you're beginning
to look more and more
like your father.

Ooh! Computron
and UniDAC merged.

You're kidding. I thought
they were just good friends.

Oh, the bell. I got that.
That's my job.

That's my job. Hi.

Telegram for Mona Robinson.

Mona, telegram.

I have told that man
a million times, I will not
serve in his cabinet.

That's what they all say.
Sign here.

He signs.

I'll pay you for it.

Excuse me.

I also do strip-a-grams
for the right people.

I'll keep that in mind.

Mother, what is it?

C. Everett Brooks died.

Oh, I'm so sorry.
Who is he?

Who was he?

I don't know, but...

I'm rich, I'm rich, I'm rich,
I'm rich!

Mona, wait a minute,
what are you saying?

Look! He left me $80,000!

You're right, you're rich,
you're rich, you're rich!

Yay! Grandma's loaded
and I've got
a birthday coming up.

Wait a minute.

Who is this guy
and why did he leave you
all this money?

I don't know.
Just what it says there
that I'm rich!

I'm rich, I'm rich, I'm rich!

And so and so, and so and so,
and "Contact legal department,
United Global Industries."

Of course,
United Global Industries,

C.E. Brooks.
I read his obituary last week.

He was a billionaire.

Billionaire? Only left you
a lousy 80 Gs?

Well, it's the thought
that counts.

Mona, if he left you
all that money, you must have
at least met him.

Well, I may not remember
names and faces, but I never
forget a billionaire.

Well, apparently he was
a very eccentric man.

He left a sizable trust fund
to be divided among
all Elvis impersonators.

Gee, I don't think
I sound a thing like Elvis.

Now, look, maybe you
loaned this guy a dime

or you picked him up
somewhere in the desert
hitchhiking, you know.

Or perhaps I danced
with him at a party.

Well, hey, Mona, I don't think
they give you 80 grand
just for the foxtrot.

You've never seen me dip.

Whoa!

Mother, what are you going
to do with all this money?

Well, gee, let me think here.
Wait, let me, let me, let me
make a couple of suggestions.


a full length mink coat,
maybe a trip around the world?

Buy a pair of
Springsteen tickets!

Mother, you have to get
into a money market plan.

T Bills. Utilities are always
a smart thing to get into.

Yeah? Well, I'm gonna get
into a red Porsche.

They do hold their value.

Mother, you are not
going to blow all this money
on frivolities.

Angela, I have to.

Otherwise, you will inherit it
and squander it on utilities.

Mona, I for one
am very happy about this.

This could not have
happened to a nicer person.

Well, maybe one nicer person.

Wait a minute.
Elvis. Let's see.

♪ You ain't nothing
but a hound dog ♪

This is such fun.

I've always wanted to
hire my own decorator.

Yes, I can see why.

Mona, this place
is simply not you.

Who designed it?

Me.

That was the old you.

I see the new you
in an environment

far more upscale
and tres elegante.

Well, 80,000 smackers
can buy a lot of elegante.

Eighty thou?

Honey, for that we could
do the whole room over.

Excuse me.

Hello, I'm Larry Liebling,
the car king.

Hello, I'm Mona Robinson.

The inheritance queen.

Pretty lady, I see you
behind the wheel
of a sleek black sports car.

We're not talking
transportation here,

we're talking fulfillment,
adventure, romance...

No sex?

Sorry, I'm a married man.

But I'm not a fanatic.

Down, Larry.

I was looking for something
with a little more horsepower.

-Hey, Mona!
-Oh!

Oh, uh, sorry to interrupt.

Tony, this is Carole Patrice,
my interior decorator.

Please,
environmental designer.

And this is Larry Liebling.

The car king! Hey!

Have I got an offer for you.

Oh, do I wish!

Mone, you better take a look
at the paper here.

There's an article about
C. Everett Brooks.

The wives are
getting together.

They're gonna
contest the will.

Well, I'm not
afraid of a fight.

I mean, that money
is mine and I want it.

That's my girl.
You tell 'em baby!

Oh, is this your
Daddy Warbucks?

Yum, yum, yum.

That's C. Everett Brooks?

Well, on the other hand,
what's $80,000?

Thanks so much
for dropping by.

It's been fun.

But what about
your new environment?

What about your wheels?

Well, I think I'll just
paint the place and rotate
the tires on my bike.

Bye-bye.

Hmm.

Hey, uh, Mona?

What gives? What, do you
recognize this guy?

No, I... I never saw him
before in my life.

Mother! Tony!

Have you seen
this afternoon's paper?

There's a picture
of Brooks and...

I'm talking to furniture.

Angela, what are you doing,
talking to furniture?

Yeah, I just got
this afternoon's paper.

There's a picture of Brooks
and he looks very familiar.

Let's go see if
Mother remembers him.

Oh, wait a minute.
I already showed her the paper

and uh, she doesn't
remember him a lot.

What does that mean?

I don't know.
It's really weird.

She takes one look
at the picture,

she says she's
turning down the money,

because she don't
want the hassle.

Oh, that is weird.

-Mother loves a good hassle.
-Yeah.

Well, I know I have seen
this face somewhere.

Well, somewhere's
a big place, Angela.

Could you narrow it down
a little bit for me?

Well, I know. Let's check
the family archives.

-The what?
-The attic.

Oh, well, let me
put this sauce down.

Ooh, that looks good.
What is it?

-Uh, sweet and sour.
-Oh. Let me taste.

After I put in the sweet.

Tony, now I haven't been
up to the attic in ages.

It's probably a big mess.

Tony, it's spotless!

Well, you know me.
Born to dust.

Wait, wait till you see
how I got it organized, huh?

For instance, for instance,

let's just do
Christmas decorations,
all right? Alphabetical.

"A". Angel hair.

-"B". Bells.

"C". Claus, Santa.

Refer to Kringle, Kris.

-Tony.
-Yeah?

"E". Enough.

-Oh, you sure
you don't wanna see...
-No, I'm positive.

There's nothing here, Tony.
How are you doing?

No good. Ooh, wait a minute,
wait a minute.

Hey, who's the babe
on the bear skin rug?

Give me that.

I knew it was you.

I'd recognize those
rosy cheeks anywhere.

Tony!

Cheeks! I meant cheeks.

Oh, look, here I am at 14.

Ooh. Ugh!

Man. Oh, it's that way.
Oh, well, hey, I remember
my gawky period, too.

What a lousy weekend that was.

-Here I am at nine.
-Oh, yeah?

It's the summer
we spent at Nantucket.

Ooh, Nantucket.
I've never been there
but I love the limerick.

Really, how does it go?

Let's just keep
looking, Angela.

Oh, and there's Mother
and me on the beach.

And that's the cottage
that we had.

Oh, yeah, well,
where's your father?

-Oh, Daddy was
in the city working.
-Mmm-hmm.

Oh, and at the end
of the summer, we had
this great clam bake.

Angela, it's him!
It's C. Everett Brooks!

No, Tony, that was the guy who
had the cottage next to us.

-What was his name?
-C. Everett Brooks.

-I'm telling you.
-No, no, no.

His name, uh,
was Charlie something.

Brookheimer?

Yeah, how'd you know?

It's written on the back
of the picture.

I'm telling you Angela,
you take Charlie Brookheimer,

you add 20 years, 20 pounds,
about 20 million bucks,

you get rid of the "heimer,"
you got C. Everett Brooks.

Tony, I think
you may be right.

Well, he wasn't
a billionaire then,

but he gave me
money for the movies.

Yeah, well, you three must've
seen a lot of movies.

No, no,
actually it was just me.

He and Mother
spent a lot of time alone.

They went swimming
and took long walks
on the beach.

Oh, my God.

What?

That's why he gave her
the money and that's why
she doesn't want to take it.

Why?

Charlie and my mother
had an affair.

Angela, come on now,
what are you talking about?

Mona had an affair.
Give me a break.

Hey, h*. You are talking
about your mother here.

Have you got
another explanation?

Yeah, yeah, I've got
an explanation, uh...

They used to take long walks
on the beach, right?

Right? To the bank.

She loaned him a few bucks.

He's paying her back now
with interest.

Tony, I may have only
been nine years old,
but I know what I saw.

Angela, you didn't
see anything.

Then I know what I know.

Angela, you just think
you know what you know,
but you don't know.

I mean, I'm sure
Mona has a very innocent
explanation for all this.

Well, I'm certainly
not going to ask her.

Why not?

Because it's none
of my business.

-Well, it's...
-And it's none of
your business, either.

Are you telling me
I gotta butt out?

Yes.

I can't.

I beg your pardon?

I'm Italian.

My people. I mean,
thousands of years,

a proud tradition
of butting in.

I wouldn't do it
if I were you.

That's because
you're not Italian.

You are a WASP.

A white, Anglo,
stubborn pighead.

ANGELA: I heard that.

Big ears.

-There. It's done.
-What's done?

My will. Wanna see?

Oh, yeah, I'd love to see.

Hmm. "I'm taking
everything with me.
Signed, Jonathan Bower."

Very good.

Jonathan, you can't do that.

King Tut did.

He put all his gold and stuff
in a pyramid

so that he could take it
with him when he died.

Good idea. Tell you what,
when you make pharaoh,
you can do that, too.

Maybe I'll just spend it now
while I'm young.

-Hey, Dad.
-Yeah?

Do you have a will?

Of course I have a will,
and I want you to know
I'm leaving you everything.

Would you like it now?

You don't need it?

Good morning, Angela.

That's easy for her to say.
Her mother was a saint.

What's the matter, Angela?
You had a...
You had a rough night?

Well, outside of nightmares
and insomnia

and a slight migraine,
I feel totally refreshed.

You see what happens to you
when you keep things
bottled up inside of you?

Not that it's any
of my business.

Good morning, you two.

Hey, hey, Mone. Good morning.
Here's ya coffee.

-MONA: Oh, thanks.
-Mother.

And how 'bout
a nice hot, flaky, croissant
to go with that coffee?

Mmm! I don't mind if I do.

I thought you were on a diet.

So, I'm cheating.

Well, it won't be
the first time.

Angela!

Is something wrong?

No.

Yes.

Angela, if you have
something to say, say it.

Pass the jelly.

And, uh, these pictures
were of you and, uh,
Charlie Brookheimer.

And, uh, she got
the crazy idea that
you and Charlie had an...

Had an affair?

Yeah. So tell her
how crazy she is,

I'll pass the jelly,
and we can get on
with our lives, okay?

She's not wrong.

Charlie and I
did have an affair.

Well, thank you so much,
Tony, for getting this out
in the open.

I'm sure everyone
feels so much better.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'll be off to work,

unless, of course,
there's another portion
of my life you'd like to ruin.

I was married
and I had an affair.

I guess you're
disappointed in me, huh?

Hey, come on, Mona, you know
you'll always be tops with me.

Thanks, Tony.

I've been carrying this secret
around for a long time

and I've always
dreaded the day
that Angela would find out.

Yeah. Hey, but listen,
let's think of
the bright side, huh?

I mean, now it's finally out,
hey, and it's not so bad, huh?

Tony?

Oh. Ouch!

You're home.

Yes. Were you waiting up?

Well, I was,
right until I fell asleep.

It's almost 12:00.
Where you been?

I had some work
to catch up on.
Good night.

Well, wait a minute.

Is it too much to ask
for you to pick up the phone
and call me?

I'm worried sick here.

Well, for a worried man,
you were sleeping
rather soundly.

It was a troubled
sleep, Angela.

I remember my father
used to wait up for me.

Yeah? Well, I hope
he gave you hell if you
made him wait like this.

No, I used to come home
late from the library

and he'd be sitting there
with his briefcase open,

and he'd be pretending to work
but I knew what he was doing.

Hey, Angela, uh...

I'm real sorry
about this morning,

about not minding
my own business

and I promise you, I will
never stick this Roman nose

where it does not
belong again.

-Thank you, Tony.
-But aren't you
gonna talk to her?

Tony.

I can't. I wouldn't
know what to say.

Say something.
Tell her you're hurt.
Tell her you're mad at her.

Tell her... Tell her ya...
Tell her you hate her guts.

Uh, could we stop at
"Tell her you're mad"?

Gee, look at the time.

Um, I think
I'm gonna go upstairs
and mind my own business.

I was waiting up for you.

Yes, well, there seems to be
a lot of that going around.

that I ever intended
to discuss with you.

Okay, good night.

But now, Angela,
don't you think
we should talk about it?

I know that I've hurt you...

And if you want,

you can punch me on the arm
as hard as you can,
in the shoulder.

Oh, Mother...

Ow.

Angela, you hit your mother!

How could you
do that to Daddy?

How could you sneak around
behind his back?

I didn't have to sneak around.
He was never there.

He was supposed to come up
on the weekends, remember?

And he never did, not once.

And that's the way
it always was.

That damn bank that
I was jealous of every
day of our married life.

Well, while he was working,
you and Charlie were...

You know what you were.

Yes, Angela. I know.

But you don't know, Angela.

Charlie and I
were doing a lot of things.

We were talking, and,
and we were laughing,

and we were keeping each other
from feeling as lonely
as we really were.

Well, that's very nice,
but I'm just glad
Daddy never found out.

Well, he did.

What?

How?

I told him.

You told him?

What happened?

Well, we... We yelled a lot

and, um,
we slammed a lot of doors

and we broke a lot of dishes.

And then we patched things up.

The doors and the marriage.

And I needed a new set
of dishes anyway.

Is that when we got
the Wedgwood?

Yes.

Yes.

And we also got
your father back.

After that,
he took vacations with us,

he tried to come
home for dinner

and he didn't work
quite so many Saturdays.

So he forgave you.

He was a wonderful man.

I miss him.

So do I.

You know, Angela,

I've always thought
you were quite a bit like him.

So, if he could forgive you,
so could I?

Oh, Mother...

Aw.

You dip!

I knew I could work this out.

TONY: Who's the Boss?
will be back in a moment.
Stick around.

Come on, Angela.

There must be something
I could throw away up here.

Tony.

Aw.

Your old Girl Scout uniform!

-Yes, it is.
-Angela, you were
a Girl Scout?

Yes.

Oh, look, she got a merit
badge and everything.

Proficiency patch.

What was it for?

Telephone manners.

Oh, we were proud of her.

Go on, Angela.

Show them how
you take a message.

Oh, Mother.

MONA: Come on.

Hey, wait a minute,
wait a minute, wait a minute.

Now this is what
I'm talking about.

This is something
every family needs.

A little palm tree
with a monkey climbing up it.

You can't throw that away.

It goes to my old turtle bowl.

Oh, that's great,
but where's the turtle?

He got away three years ago.

But he might come back.

Yeah, sure, he'll be back.
Save this, save everything.

I'm going downstairs
and make dinner.

Yeah, let's get out of here.

This place is spooky.

At night I hear noises.

Oh, no, darling,
that's just your imagination.

All right, come on,
we'll go down.

-Okay, come on.
-Let's go.

Okay. We'll let Tony do
all this.

Last one down's a sissy.