02x08 - Hunk of the Month

[bunniefuu]

♪ There is more to life
than what you're living

♪ So take a chance
and face the wind

♪ An open road
and a road that's hidden

♪ A brand new life
around the bend

♪ There were times

♪ I lost a dream or two

♪ Found the trail

♪ And at the end was you

♪ There's a path you take
and a path not taken

♪ The choice is up
to you my friend

♪ Nights are long
but you might awaken

♪ To a brand new life

♪ Brand new life

♪ Brand new life
around the bend ♪

That's it. That's it.

-Love the lens.
-Love the lens?

Yeah, that's
photographer's talk.

And...

Ooh!

You know, Mona, I don't know
how I let you talk, me into
this calendar stuff.

Are you kidding me?

A year's supply of hunks

is a great way to raise money

-for the animal shelter.

You know, animals for animals.

That's good, cute.

It's a wrap.

-MONA: Cute, huh, nice?

Oh, come on.

Oh, please,
this is disgusting.

It's humiliating.

Me, Mr. February,
shortest month of the year.

Well, you do have
the cutest little ditty.

You promised not
to peek, Mona.

No, I think Mother means
the horrid little poem.

"Tony cleans with manly power
for ad exec Angela Bower."

Well, I like it.

I wrote it,
but I still like it.

This tasteless calendar has
made the rounds of the office.

It's now hanging above
the water cooler,

turned conveniently
to February.

Yeah?

Well, Angela, I didn't
mean to make you
feel so uncomfortable.

I guess that's just
a little added bonus.

You know, Tony,
you are no better.

You are so shallow.

Letting yourself be ogled
like a, like a piece of meat.

Excuse me, Angela,

I think the expression is
"side of beef."

-Let me get that.

Oh, no, no, no, no, Mr. Beef.

Hello?

Yes, this is ad exec,
Angela Bower.

Yes, Mr. February is here.

It's one of your
calendar groupies.

I just want to say one thing.

Whoever this woman is,
she's only interested in
you for your looks.

You're just a hunk
hanging on her wall.

A sex object.

Great! Give me the phone.

Hello? Yeah,
this is Mr. February, heh,

all 28 days of him.

Hey, I... I wish it was
a leap year myself.

You like Mr. March?

Hey, listen... You are?

Well, that's uh, look,
I'm really flattered,
I really am, but, uh,

I'm kind of tied up right now.

No, no, I mean busy.

Um...

Uh...

Look, Cassandra, thanks a lot,

but, thanks anyway,
but maybe some
other time, okay?

Yeah, bye.

Ooh.

You actually turned her down?

Hey, Angela, what,
are you kidding me?

You think I just go out with
anybody even though
I don't know them?

Tony, I take back what
I said about being shallow.

She could be a real
tire-biter, you know?

I take back what I took back
about being shallow.

Tony, would you do me a favor?

For you, buddy, anything.

Make a muscle.

Hey, watch this.

Huh?

Here it is, girls.
Mr. February.

A nickel a look.

Maximum attraction.

Jonathan!

What are you doing charging
these girls a nickel?

Really, my dad's worth
at least a dime.

Hey, hey, and I want
a piece of the action.

Oh, look, look,
there goes Mr. August.

Oh, what a hot month!

-Oh. Let me see!
-Right there. Right there.

-Let me see!
-Right there. Right there.

-Oh, I'm dying!
-I know.

Hey, Mrs. Wittner,
I had the stool first.

Tough.

Oh, my God.
Look at the overdeveloped
pecs on Mr. April!

What are overdeveloped pecs?

Something an orthodontist's
wife never gets to see,
sweetheart.

Angela, let's get up to
Mona's party and run
barefoot through muscles.

Wendy, I am not going to that
tacky calendar-signing party.

I've got work to do.

The Publisher's Clearing
House Sweepstakes?

People win these.

Look at Mr. Smith of
Scottsdale, Arizona.

Angela, If I go up
there all alone,

lose control and run
off with a hunk

and Herb is left to raise
those motherless children,

it will be on your head.

Okay, okay, I'll go.

I just want Herb to
remember this when
Jonathan needs braces.

It's a wonderful clinic,
we're talking state-of-the-art
spay and neutering.

He's so sensitive.
Unbelievable.

Here you are,
say hello to Mr. Bucci. Okay.

Uh, who's next?

We are.

WOMAN: Beautiful.

What's the matter,
cat got your tongue?

No, uh, he doesn't bite,
does he?

No, but I might.

Who would you like
me to sign this to?

Cassandra.

You're not the Cassandra
I talked to on the phone?

The Cassandra you turned
down for Friday night.

Oh, well, hey, that was
because I didn't know you.

Now that I know you,
is 7:30 okay?

Purr-fect.

-Purr-fect.
-Felix,

say hello to Mommy's
new friend.

-Hey, hiya, Felix.

It will be just the
two of us, right?

Look
at all these men.

If I die tomorrow,
I'd be happy, especially
if I was with one of them.

Okay, you've seen them.
Let's go.

I've got to buy a calendar.

Yoo-hoo, Mr. November.

Oh, Angela, there you are.
What a nice surprise.

I'm afraid Mr. March
hasn't arrived yet.

I'm not interested in
Mr. March or any other month.

I'm just here for
Jonathan's teeth.

Oh, hi.

Nice kitty.

Big kitty.

He's wonderful with children.

Oh, the matching collars.

It's a nice touch.

Would you like
an hors d'oeuvre?

I want one with liver or tuna.

We got cheese.

We don't like cheese.

You'll, you'll have to
excuse us, we've got to...

-Get out of here.
-Yeah.

Hey, hey, Angela,
great party, huh?

Tony, who let that woman
out of her cage?

That woman is Cassandra.

The one who called?

Oh, it's a good thing you're
not going out with her.

Oh, to tell you the truth...

See you 7:30 Friday.

Tiger.

Oh...

You are going out
with that creature?

No, I'm going out
with the lady.

Let me help.

Good-bye.

-Tony.
-Yeah, yeah.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah...
-Tony.

You hardly know that woman.

What could you two possibly
have to talk about?

Oh, come on, Angela. There's
a million things to do on
a date besides talk.

And I'm looking forward
to every one.

Tony, you're letting your
hormones run your life.

Someone's gotta take charge.

Why wouldn't he
go out with her?

Angela, the woman would
make Herb's hair grow back.

Personally,
I don't see what all
the fuss is about.

Excuse me.

I can't believe that anyone
would find that kind of
blatant sexuality...

Attractive.

Hey, sorry I'm late.

Guss McGee.

Mr. March,

page six.

It's him. It's him.

"Guss is here with
happy tidings,

"to install your gutters
and aluminum sidings."

Can I sign
somebody's calendar?

To Angela.

Angela Katherine Bower.

-A single person.
-ANGELA: Shut up.

Thank you.

Great party, Angela.

No, this isn't the party.

The party is around the
back and up the stairs.

That sounds kind of
complicated. Why don't
you show me?

-She'd love to.
-No...

You'll find it.
Just follow the noise.

-You want to have dinner?
-Oh. She'd love to.

Thank you, I've, I've,
uh, I've just eaten.

How about Friday night?

I, I couldn't possibly...

Angela, could I talk to you
for a minute please?

Excuse us, Guss.

Are you crazy,
turning him down?

Don't you know that
March goes in like a lion,
and out like a lamb?

Wendy, what could I possibly
have in common with this man?

Who cares?

I do.

Okay.

Tell me, Guss,
do you like the theater?

Yeah, saw Rambo
for the fourth time.

I don't suppose you have
any interest in ballet?

Modern art?

PBS?

So he's not a Renaissance man.
He's gorgeous!

Angela, come on,
are we on or what? Hmm?

-Well...
-He likes blue!

You like blue!

-Wendy...
-Angela, do it for me.

Do it for every married
woman in America.

I can't.

What do you mean
you can't, Angela?

For once in your life,
flow with your juices.

I mean, if Tony can do it,

so can you.

Well, all right.

He does have Paul Newman eyes.

So, uh... Friday night,



Make it 8:00.

A date with Mr. March,
page six.

You are a credit
to your gender.

It couldn't have happened
to a nicer person without
wrecking my marriage.

Do you live your
entire life vicariously?

Well, you know Herb.

Angela. Angela, I need
some more ice for the party

and did I not see
Mr. March just leaving?

See you later, hot stuff.

Bye, Mona.

"Hot stuff"?

Guss wanted to know
where the party was,
so I merely...

Guss?

I think that was him name.

He wanted to know
where the party was
so we told him and

he left to go there.

Angela,

a mother always knows
when her child isn't
telling everything.

I'm not a child anymore,
and I don't have to tell
you everything.

Oh, Mother, I've made
a terrible mistake.

What's the matter, sweetheart?

I accepted a date with a hunk.

My God, we'll have to sell
the house and move
to another town.

-How about a younger brother?
-Mother.

Tony's never gonna let
me live this down after
the big deal I made

about him dating Sheena,
queen of the jungle.

Angela, then you are just
going to have to do
the adult thing.

Don't tell him.

Deny everything and
lie through your teeth.

Oh, I... I couldn't.

I'd never...

I don't think...

Good idea.

Mother. Mother. Mother!

My goodness, well,
I can see it's going to be
a very casual evening.

♪ Wait a moment
wait a moment ♪

Oh.

-Quiet night at home,
right, Angela?
-Yes.

-Very quiet.
-That's good. That's good.

Isn't it about time for you
to leave for your date?

Cassandra's picking me up.

-Here?
-Yeah, she got a new Cougar.

Hope that's a car.

Oh. It's 7:30.

Uh, what time is she coining?

-Well, I...

Oh, gorgeous,
intriguing and punctual.

Oh, what more could I want?

How about human intelligence?

Hi, Cassandra.

Hi, Tony.

Hi.

Well, I bet you two
are really hungry.

The restaurants get so
crowded on the weekends.

I got reservations.
Can I get you a drink?

Oh, yes, there's a darling
bar. It's right in the
village. It's so...

Angela, Angela, I was
thinking of having it here.

Gee!

What would you like?
Can I get you a beer,
wine, a zombie?

-Do you have any milk?
-Milk?

See that, Angela? Milk.

It does a body good.

You sleep with 16 cats?

Mmm.

In a big wicker basket.

How unique.

Oh, look at the time.

-Sixteen?
-Mmm.

It's almost 8:00.
Shouldn't you be going?

Oh, yeah, you're right.
We'll never make our
reservation. Come on.

CASSANDRA: Oh, it's raining!

Oh, can't we just
wait till it passes?

I hate to get wet.

It makes me feel so icky.

Please?

Well, you know, I hate
when my dates feel icky.

-It's just a little sprinkle.
It's starting to clear up.

Uh, eh, Cassandra...

You know your nails are
sort of piercing my flesh.

Does that mean you
want me to stop?

Let's give it a try.

TONY: Hey, Guss!

Hi, Guss. Uh,
what are you doing here?

What do we got?
We got problems
with our gutters?

I don't know. I just came
to pick up my date.
Hey, Angela.

Angela, am I early?

You and him?

I don't want to hear one
more word out of you.

Oh, of course not, not a word,

but what word is it you
don't want to hear?

Is it ogle? Is it shallow?
Is it driven by hormones?

That's not a word.
That's a phrase.

Excuse me, Guss,
I have to change.

-I'll only be a minute.
-TONY: Ah-ha.

-A minute, huh.

That's what they all say,
Guss. We'll see.

Well, here I am.

Hey, my favorite color!

Guss and I have so
much in common.
Shall we go?

Oh, Angela, it's raining cats
and dogs out there.

Oh, I hate that expression.

Hey, I don't believe
we've met. I'm Guss McGee.

Mr. March, page six.

Oh, sorry, I never
got past February.

Easy, easy, easy.

Angela, I hope you've
been taking care of
your downspouts.

I beg your pardon?

Your gutters.

Yeah, your gutters
can spell big trouble
when it's raining.

Oh, yeah, that's a good
point, Guss. Good point.

You know they hardly
give you any trouble
when it's sunny.

Ah, you got me there.

I'm gonna go out and check
them for you, all right?

Thank you.

Hey, Angela, how about
a brewski, huh?

Coming right up-ski.

Angela, Angela,
it's in the kitchen.
In the refrigerator.

That's that big white box
in the corner there.

-Oh, maybe I'll help
you, Angela.

I'll be right back.

that Cassandra and I
aren't exactly a match
made in heaven.

-Really?
-Yes, in fact,

I was even thinking of
calling the whole thing off.

-You were?
-Yeah.

She's sexy.

Yeah, I know,

but, but there's something
about a girl who keeps using
your arm as a scratching post.

Well, at least
she's not boring.

-No.
-I mean, she's

twisted and bizarre
and sort of creepy,
but she's not boring.

Then there's Mr. March.

BOTH: Page six.

The great communicator.

Well, look, he's a hunk.

Yeah, that's all.

-Tony?
-Yeah?

I don't want to go
out on this date.

Me either.

I'm scared.

Well, how are we gonna
get them out of here?

We can't just throw them out.

Why not? Cassandra
would land on her feet.

Oh, my, doesn't that
look like fun?

Hey, good news, Cassandra.

-The rain has stopped.
- What's that?

Oh, this is Grover.
He's my best friend.

He likes you, look.

-You're a dog person.
-Yeah.

Well, you know, me and
Grover, we go way back.

Oh, Tony.

Dog people and cat
people just don't mix.

Oh, I'm so sorry you feel
that way, Cassandra, really.

Oh, no. I'm sorry, Tony,

because this would have
been a night you would
have remembered

for the rest of your life.

That's such a long time.

Oh...

Oh, tough luck, pal.

Angela, those gutters
are a disgrace.

You're on.

Guss...

I have to tell you the truth.

Go ahead, tell him.

Although I'm physically
attracted to you,
that's all there is.

Terrific!

Oh, I just don't think
that that's enough to build
a relationship on.

Who wants a relationship?

No, Angela, I just thought
we could go out and have
some fun tonight.

You know, a great dinner,
maybe a little dancing,

TONY: Who's the Boss?
will be back in a minute.
Stick around.

♪ I know one day
my dream will... ♪

Oh!

-What a day.
-Why, what happened, Mona?

Well, I have been asked to
resign as chairperson for
the Fairfield Animal Shelter.

You're kidding me,
wait a minute, I...

I thought those calendars
were selling like beefcakes.

Yeah, they were, and after all
my good work with spaying
and neutering,

Grover snuck out and got
a c*ck spaniel in trouble.

Grover, you dirty dog.

Yeah, you, you better wipe
that smile off your face.

Bad dog!

You bum, you. I'm shocked.
I am shocked.

I'm shocked.

-Was she cute?

Give me some skin.