02x11 - The Graduate

[bunniefuu]

♪ There's more to life
than what you're livin'

♪ You take a chance
and face the wind

♪ An open road and
a road that's hidden

♪ A brand new life
around the bend

♪ There were times when
I lost a dream or two

♪ Found the trail,
and at the end was you

♪ There's a path you take
and a path not taken

♪ The choice is up
to you my friend

♪ Nights are long but
you're on your way

♪ To a brand new life

♪ Brand new life

♪ Brand new life
around the bend ♪

All right, all right, come on,

wait one second, now,
just let me get set up.

Wait.

Sam, all I gotta do is get
this thing running again.

You read the instructions.
Come on.

Dad, they're in Japanese.

-Japanese.
-Yeah.

I got it. Hold this. Hai-yah!

Tape is rolling! Let's go!

-Little higher, little higher,
babe. Okay.
-Okay.

"Mona coming into her
graduation party." Take one.

And... Action!

-Hi!
-Cut. Cut.

Angela, what are you doing
here? Where's the graduate?

We're freezing out here.

Would you let me
make my movie?

Okay.

"Mona coming into her
graduation party." Take two.

Good, go, go, go...

And... Action!

Yay!

Ya-hoo!

No more pencils.
No more books.

No more teachers' dirty looks.

Yay!

-And...
-ALL: Oh!

It does not seem possible.

My mother graduating
from college.

They grow up so fast.

ALL: Speech!

Okay, all right, here?

-Okay, here?
-That's good.

Well...

This has got to be the most
exciting moment since...

Well, Tuesday night
wasn't bad, either.

Mona, I'm taping
a family show here.

Well, then just sh**t me
from the neck up.

All right.

I have to admit
that it was pretty scary

going back to college
after all these years.

But I do wanna give thanks
to one person

for helping me, and guiding me
and giving me support.

Oh, Mother...

Doctor Jack Emerson.

Well, I'll support anyone
for free champagne.

All right, Jack, hey!

And no matter how many times

my chemistry experiments
blew up,

you always encouraged me.

-Mmm-hmm, from a distance.

Hey, that's great,
that's great.

Now how 'bout a word
from the graduate's daughter?

Oh, no, no, I couldn't.

-Okay.
-Maybe just one word.

-Okay, let's do it right here.
-Okay.

And...

"Commencement.

So, Mona,

now that you have
your degree in psychology,
what are your plans?

Well, I have the same
burning ambition

as any other honors graduate.

Get a Masters Degree?

Bum around Europe
and try to find myself.

That's good.
That's very good, yes, yes.

Sam, keep up, Sam.
Keep up, come on.

Well, before you buy
a travel iron,

I have something
I'd like you to think about.

What? Plastics?

No, no, no,
no, no, politics.

Hmm?

Apply for a job
as a personnel counselor

at the Hadley Shoe Company.

Wait a minute, I mean,

what happened to bumming
around Europe

and trying to find myself?

In a villa,
on the Mediterranean

with a cute little count.

Don't worry,
you won't get the job.

Well, that's a relief.

Wait a minute,
what do you mean?

What are you saying?
Why wouldn't I get the job?

-What's wrong with me?
-Oh, nothing.

But, you see, they won't hire
you because you're over fif...

-Over fort...
-Overqualified?

-Uh, well, uh, over 22.
-Oh.

You old flatterer.

Look, Mona,
I'm a Chairman of a commission

against age discrimination.

And we'd like you
to get the goods

on those creeps at Hadley's

and then we'll file
a class action suit.

Well, I got class
and I love action.

So I'll do it.

Ah, terrific.

Oh, and Mona.
Not a word of this.

This whole mission depends
on absolute secrecy.

Just call me Mona Hari.

-Oh, yes.
Yes, oh, that's great.
-This?

-Very natural. Whoo.
-Oh.

Yes, major league,
major league.

Dad, we ran out of tape
five minutes ago.

Shh. Hmm.

Uh, Angela.

You couldn't have given
a better party

if you were Italian.

Grazie.

I'm sorry,
I goofed up the disposal.

-I was just trying to help.
-Oh, don't worry about it.

The disposal's gonna be fine.

Just one thing you gotta
remember about it.

It's on the other side
of the s ink.

Oh, right.

Angela, the party
was wonderful.

But you know, you've got
enough brie left over

-to pave the driveway.
- See?

I told you that imported stuff
wasn't gonna move.

But my sausage and peppers...
Right out the door.

-Sure, you ate them all.
-Ha!

Hey, Mona, so did Doc Emerson
finally leave?

Hmm?

Yeah, you two
were as thick as thieves.

Yeah, I noticed that, too,
Mona.

Really? I didn't think
you took your viewfinder

off Betty Coed all night.

Carla Coed to you.

Whatever.

So, Mother, what were you and
Doc Emerson huddled about?

Oh, you know...
We talked about stuff.

You know, this and that.

Mother, don't hold out on us.

You know, Tony has ways
of making you talk.

Yeah, Mona, don't make me use
the fudge brownies.

Well, I guess
it doesn't hurt to tell you.

I've got an interview
for a job.

Hey, great!

-You're getting a job?
-Mmm-hmm, yes, why not?

Oh, no reason.

I just... It's wonderful.
Well, what is it?

Hey, yeah, knowing you,
it's got to be

something terrific, huh,
something really exciting.

I'd be working
in a shoe factory.

Hey...

Hey, shoes are good.
Shoes are good.

What, are you kidding me,
they're a big part

-of American walking.
-Mmm-hmm.

Yeah, I would be
the personnel counselor

for the Hadley Shoe Factory.

Hadley Shoes? We did
an ad campaign for them.

Well, don't worry, Mona.

They won't hold that
against you.

Believe me, Tony,
I'm not the least bit worried

-about getting this job.
-All right.

Mother, a lot of other

new college graduates
are going to be applying.

Yeah, but when Mona
walks in there,

that company won't know
what hit 'em.

What, are you kidding?

Tony, you don't know
how true that is.

Well, if you will excuse me,
now it is party time.

Angela, may I have the keys
to the Jaguar?

Oh, all right,
but just be careful,

-it's a very expensive car.
-Oh, don't worry, darling.

My date has had his license
for at least five years.

Hey, have a good time, Mone.

She is a card, boy.

I'm really worried about her.

Why? She'll be okay.

As long as she don't take him
across the state-line.

I just think, she's getting
so excited about something
that may not happen.

Hey, I've seen this guy,
I think it's gonna happen.

No, I don't mean the date,
I mean the job.

You really think
it's going to happen?

Why shouldn't it?
She's a straight-A student.

Not the job, the date.

Angela, would you
forget the date?

Why shouldn't she get the job?

She's got a dynamic
personality.

-She's energetic.
-And she's a grandmother.

Yeah, so?

So she's competing
with a bunch of kids

for an entry level position.

Oh, and her entry level may be
too close-to the exit level.

And if I know Sid Hadley,
she can forget it.

Wait a minute,

I got a great idea,
as per usual.

Uh, how well do you know
this Sid guy?

-No, I'm not calling him.
-Oh, come on, Angela.

You said it yourself,
your mother's walking in there

with the deck stacked
against her.

Let's slip her some aces.

You know that Mother
hates when I interfere.

Interfering is the glue

that keeps American
families together.

Tony, forget it.
The answer is no.

WOMAN: Mr. Hadley,
Angela Bower on eight-five.

Oh, Angela.

Hey, Angel.

How's the old ad game, huh?

Me? Well, you know
what I always say...

Right, Sid, "There's no
business like shoe business."

Ew. What a stiff.

Look, Sid,
the reason I'm calling is

you have an interview
with a Mona Robinson.

Really? She's outside
his office right now.

Well, don't let her
know that I called,

but I'd like her to have
a really fair shot

at this job.

And Sid, I mean,
a really fair shot.

Gotcha, Angela.

You don't have to hit me
in the head

with a pair of wing tips, huh?

Her school transcript's
right here.

It looks great, Dean's List,

Editor of the Yearbook, hmm,

I'd say the only thing
standing

between Mona Robinson
and this job

is my unemployed
brother-in-law.

Uh, Sid, I'm sorry,

I just don't have
an opening right now.

-Angela.
-Uh, other than the mailroom.

Perfect, he's fabulous
with stamps.

Angela, let's lace
this thing up.

You have a spot for Howie,
I have a spot for Mona.

Isn't that terrific?

Terrific. Thanks, Sidney.

This is terrific!

All right, Angela.

Did I tell you
or did I tell you?
You've got clout.

I have, haven't I?

Shirley, send in the lovely
and qualified Mona Robinson.

SHIRLEY: Uh, Mr. Hadley,
about Mona Robinson...

Well, she's here, isn't she?

-SHIRLEY: Yes, but...
-Send her in.

You're Mona Robinson?

That's right, sonny.

Are you all right?

Just bunching up phlegm.

Okay, sonny, let's get on
with the interview.

Well, Mrs. Robinson...

Mrs. Robinson.

-Mrs. Robinson.
-Oh, yes, sorry, sorry.

Those short naps help.

Well, I've been looking
at your transcripts here

and, uh, they're pretty good.

They're damn good.

Had to walk
halfway across the campus

to get to some
of those classes.

That's very commendable.

I see here that you took
two semesters of Modern Dance?

Yeah, I did.

You wanna see
a couple of steps here?

No, that's quite all right.

There's not much call
for that around here.

Okay, Sonny,
let's cut the small talk, huh.

I got the grades,
I got the grit

and I got the gumption.

-You got medical?
-Yes, we do.

-You got dental?
-The best.

-Retirement?
-And a pension fund.

What more do you want?

Maternity leave?

Oh, look, here comes
Grandma's car!

Okay, Dad, ready?

Yeah, I'm ready, all ready,
little higher, babe.

-Okay.
-Right there.

Mona's new career. Take one.

And... Action!

And...

Where was your interview,
a Turkish prison?

I don't wanna talk about it.

What happened?
Hadley turned you down?

No, I report on Monday.

You got the job!
Hey, Mona, that's really...

-Terrible?

I wasn't supposed to get it.

See, it was a set-up, a sting.

It was an undercover caper
to fight age discrimination

and I blew it.

-Uh-oh!

I don't even know how the guy

could have given me
the stupid job.

I tried everything
but the death rattle.

Huh.

Some snitch tipped him off.

I wonder who
that could have been.

Mother, why didn't you tell me
what you were up to?

-Why?
-Well, because...

Because it's very interesting.

You know, we have never had
a spy in the family before.

Unless, of course,
you count Uncle Ernie,

but then he was
more of a Peeping Tom.

What's a Peeping Tom?

Uh, I'll tell you
when you're older, Jonathan.

You always say that.

That's because
I'm always older.

Isn't that great?

Well, nobody
double-crosses this gal.

When I find out
the fink who ratted on me,

I am going to staple
his lips together.

If you'll excuse me now,

my support hose
are k*lling me.

Rat fink stoolies.

Boy, you're gonna have to stop

meddling in your
mother's affairs.

Me? Me? You...

"Help your mother,
call Hadley...

"Meddling is the glue

"that keeps
the American family together."

Excuse me, I said
interfering was the glue.

Meddling is always
a bad mistake.

Oh, thank you, thank you
for clearing that up.

All right, Angela,
I know it was me.

I'll have to bite the b*llet
and go tell Mona the truth.

No, it's all right,
she's my mother.

I made the call, I will do it.

Okay.

Oh, hello, dear,
come on in, come on.

Thanks.

My, my, my, Mother, you get
younger every time I see you.

Well, I feel wonderful
and life is wonderful.

-Mother?

Your mood swings
are beginning to concern me.

Twenty minutes ago, you
stormed out of the living room

ready to tar
and feather someone.

Well, that was


Stay with the game, Angela.

So you're not upset

about the tip off
on your undercover operation?

Oh, don't be ridiculous,
there was no tip off.

I just spoke to Doctor Emerson

and we figured out
how I must've gotten the job.

-You did?
-Yes.

I got it on my own.

-You did?

Well, see, it makes sense
when you think about it.

I am trained for the job,
my transcripts were wonderful

and well, I guess no matter
how much I tried to hide it,

the real me just came
shining through.

Well... When, when
you've got it, you've got it.

Uh, dear, did you want
to say something to me?

Congratulations.
I knew you could do it.

Ah, thank you, thank you.

Is everything okay?

Everything is fine.

Thanks for asking. Let's go.

No, I can't let you take
the rap for this one, Angela.

-I can't let you.
-No, let me, Tony.

-Let me.
-No, no way, no way.

-Mona?
-MONA: Huh?

I gotta tell you,
it was my idea.

I made her call Hadley.

You called Hadley?

I spoke to him very briefly,

I'm sure I didn't influence
him one way or the other.

Are you kidding me?

She went all out
for you, Mona.

This girl loves you.
Loves you.

I'm telling you, Mona,
she even hired

-his brother-in-law.
-Oh, I get it.

So you traded one bozo
brother-in-law

for one useless mother, huh?

No, Mother,
it wasn't like that at all.

Mona, that's not what I meant.

No, but it's the truth.

I didn't get the job
on my own,

I didn't come shining through.

My daughter
had to pull strings.

Mother, I just wanted to help
you get your foot in the door.

I didn't wanna
see you get hurt.

You know, what hurts

is the fact that you
didn't have any faith in me.

Oh, wait a minute, Mona.

If you can't help your mother,

what's the sense
of being a big shot?

Yeah.

Oh, I see what
you're trying to do,

but who am I kidding, huh?

I am a woman
who was raised to be pretty,

and to throw parties
and use the right fork.

I never had a job
in my life, and...

I guess it's a little late
to be starting now.

You never had a job
in your life?

MONA: No.

The closest I ever came
to working

was the kissing booth
at the Methodist bazaar.

There you go.

From there, it's a hop,
skip and a jump

to counseling workers
at a shoe factory.

Mother, you did a lot more

than kiss a bunch
of Methodists.

You went to college
for four years

and you prepared for this.
And...

Well, that's true.

SHIRLEY: Mona Robinson
is here to see you.

Wheel her in.

Yes? May I help you?

I'm Mona Robinson.

Uh, not so fast, Mr. Hadley.

See, I've got a few ideas

I wanna bounce
off of you, first.

Bounce away.

Are you sure
you're Mona Robinson?

Take my word for it, hmm?

Now, Mr. Hadley,
when I inspected your factory,

I found that there were three
pregnant women working.

Now, you are going
to lose valuable employees

unless you start
a day-care center.

That's a good idea, but only
two of them are preggie.

The other one just eats a lot.

Well, that's another thing.

See, you make
a dandy running shoe,

so what about giving
your employees some freebies

and a place to work out?

You know, that's a great idea.

Right, and with
a fitness center,

you could help them
clear their minds,

and firm up their bodies.

I like firm bodies.

So do I, Sidney. So do I.

We're gonna get along great.

If I take the job.

What do you mean, "If"?

Mona Robinson
does not take a job

as part of a pay-off, hmmm?

You know that deal you struck
with Angela Bower?

Well, Angela is my daughter
and she listens to her mother.

So now the deal is unstruck.

You mean Howie's
unemployed again?

Oh, God,
my wife's gonna k*ll me.

Well, I'm sorry,

Thank you.

Oh, by the way,

I'll want three weeks off
next summer.

Three weeks? What for?

I'm going to bum
around Europe.

TONY: Who's The Boss?
will be back in a moment.

Stick around.

Angela, it's 9:30 here.

I can't go to work
until I find out.

-Oh!

Hello?

Oh, you're getting
faster there, Angela.

Yes, Mother, what happened?
We've been sitting
here waiting.

We haven't heard what's
going on. What's happening?
What's happening?

Angela, would you clam up
and let her talk?

Mona, what's happening?
We've been sitting
here all morning.

What's happening,
what's happening?

You are doing the same thing!
Mother, tell us.

All right, Mona! Hey!

BOTH: There's no business
like shoe business.

Mother?

-Mone?
-Mother?

Well, what happened?
Where is she?

Way to go, Angela.

You chased her off the phone
with all your chatter.

Me? You're the one
who was doing all the talking.

Come on, already.

You know, for two cents,
I would hang up on you.

Oh, yeah? Go ahead.

Ey!