03x06 - The Closer I Get to You

[bunniefuu]

Guess who's back.

How y'all feel?

♪ Lawrence ♪♪

We're going in three minutes,

And we're gonna be live.

Dr. Trickle, we're going to be going in just a couple of minutes.

Excuse me, sir.

Not now!

I--um...

It wasn't me, man.

I was set up.

I plead the fifth dimension, brother.

I got an arrest warrant for dr. Richard trickle.

Wait a minute. We have a show.

And he's our host.

Well, he's my prisoner.

I got it, he's going tms. Rodriguez.

Whoa, whoa, partner.

Officer, what's the charge?

Polygamy.

Eight wives on three continents.

Let's go.

Making a lot of house calls, ain't ya, doc?

We can't stop the show. We're on live.

I have to find someone to do this interview.

Martin, you've been on the air before.

You're going to do this interview.

Oh, god!

But remember, you said--

Just get on there.

Y'all said something about my tape.

In ............

Yeah! Yeah, whazzup and whaz happening?

Before we get started,

I'd like to give a quick shout to my girl, gina.

Whaz happening, baby?

I'm martin payne, your relationship expert,

And welcome to word on the street.

I'm sitting in for dr. Trickle.

Our first guests are the bookers.

Bookers, please...tell us about your relationship.

I hate him.

He's a lying, cheating, no good, two-faced bum,

And I don't want no parts of him.

That's why I'm sleeping with your girlfriend.

You what?

That ain't the half of it.

I'm sleeping with your cousins, too.

Bang! All of 'em!

That's it! That's it!

No! No!

No, sister, no!

Sister, no!

Calm down! Hold on!

O.k., Now, y'all hold on.

Calm down. Sit down.

Come on.

Come on, calm down, sit down. Hold on.

Man, you act like--

Come on, sister, put your shoe on.

You act like you hate each other.

You can't be like that.

You gotta be friends first.

I'm going to say that one more time.

I say you gotta be friends first.

I guess we never really thought about that, 'cause see--

Mrs. Booker, please chill!

I got this now.

You had your turn.

My mission is to get you guys going well.

Let me do this.

O.k.? I got it.

I'm going to step down, do ya mind?

Jump off.

You know, I got to tell you.

Friendship is not what you say.

It's what you do.

I say, love and labor go hand-in-hand.

It's, uh, because we're here to help them, you know.

If you can't keep a relationship together,

Then what are you here for?

I always believed...

Be friends...

And be real...

And everything will work out fine.

I'm the love doctor. Get outta here.

Yo, man.

Is it like that? Is it like that?

Ha ha. Whaz happening?

Saw you on the tube. You were hot.

Thank you. Like the smile.

Is it like that? All right!

Hey, martin.

I saw this guy on tv tonight

That looked just like you,

Except he was a doctor.

Right on. Right on.

My love doctor.

Baby, how did you wind up getting on the show?

Let's just say if anybody else gets arrested,

I'm the man.

You were great. I didn't know you had it in you.

Thank you, tommy.

He was all right.

Jealousy will get you nowhere, pamzilla.

Whatever.

Let's get some more hot wings.

Nah, don't--

Martin, martin.

No, bro. Let me talk-- real quick.

Somebody now. I've been working so...

What y'all need?

Come on, man. Lookit here.

Give me a sip of that.

O.k.

Mmm. Mmm.

Look, love doctor...

Yeah.

Big shirley got a little weight problem, man.

Lately she's been letting herself go.

Snacks galore.

Help a brother out.

O.k. Hold on.

Well, cole, I got three words for you.

Lock the fridge.

O.k.?

Big shirley has a -year-old, right?

Yeah, yeah.

The youngest one?

Yeah.

-Year-olds shouldn't be eating whole chickens, cole.

That's heavy.

No, man. Big shirley's heavy.

Now, go handle your business.

I'm the love doctor.

Get on outta here. O.k.?

Uh, my turn yet?

Oh, you need this right--

All right, 'cause I've been here all day.

I understand.

Just trying to tighten it out.

I just feel like I'm stuck in a cycle.

Meet a woman, doesn't work out,

Then back in the clubs looking again, man.

All I'm left with are the drawers.

Well, tommy, I'll tell you what I always tell my public.

You need a woman you could trust.

A woman who's your friend.

Didn't you see my show?

There is this one sister I want to get with,

But I don't know how to approach her.

Are you straight up with her?

Yes.

Ahh, this is, uh...

O.k. Let me think.

Bam, this is what you need to do.

You need to tell her how you feel.

And if she's a friend,

She'll be right there for you.

Get on outta here. I'm the love doctor.

Thanks a lot.

Pam, you're gonna be late for your date.

Right. I hate to eat and run,

Just in case he's cheap,

Don't mind if I take this.

Go ahead.

All right.

Listen, I'll give your bag back tomorrow.

Peace.

Uh, baby. Baby.

You about ready to go?

Ha ha. Your man a little tired,

I'm 'bout ready to go home and unwind, girl.

You know.

What about tommy? He looks lonely.

Invite him over.

Didn't you get the code word, "unwind"?

I was hoping to cap my good day--

Martin, just go ahead.

O.k. Fine.

Um, tommy, gina had wanted me to ask you

If you wanted to come over to the crib.

But if you busy, feel free to say no.

Oh, gina...

I'd love to come by.

O.k., Tommy.

He accepts.

Yeah, he accepts. It's cool.

Why don't you start the car?

That'll help me out.

How you doing, man?

Whazzup, nipsey?

Saw you on tv tonight.

You was the man.

Thank you. I appreciate that.

Look, man. I'm having a real serious woman problem.

No, you not, nipsey.

Just listen to the love doctor.

When it comes to love, you can't do it alone.

It takes two to tangle.

Now, do what you gotta do.

Get on outta here.

Hey, give everybody a beer.

Right, all of you.

Hey, hey, martin. Hey, martin.

Who's paying for that beer?

Uh...uh, put it on my tab.

Yeah. Give 'em one beer.

Sip and pass. One beer.

Two consecutive life sentences,

It ain't that bad.

Oh, jeffrey. I'll be waiting.

Love...

There is nothing like a good love story.

I've got to get up early in the morning.

Yeah...me, too.

I'm tired.

What's with you, tommy? What you about to do?

I ain't got nothing to do. I'm off tomorrow.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

[Knock on door]

Say, I'll get that. Relax.

Thanks.

Hey, hey.

Do you know that I stood outside that concert

Waiting for that punk, keith, and he never showed up.

Gina, I cannot take this anymore.

Why can't I find at least a half-decent man?

Don't you have mirrors at home?

Not now, martin!

I don't want to hear it.

Martin--

All right. She's looking for a man.

Whatever. Whatever.

Fine. O.k. Fine. I'm out of it.

Here's your bag.

Why don't you just stay here tonight?

It's getting kind of late.

No, thank you. I just want to go home

And lay in my own bed.

Ah, pam, you know...

I'm about to leave.

I'll give you a ride home.

Oh, sure. That would be nice.

Good.

Uh, martin. Thanks for the movie.

Bye, gina.

Uh, tommy, hold on.

Baby, I got some concerns.

Ah...uh...

You want to take gina's mace?

What do I need mace for, martin?

In case you need to calm her down.

Ain't no man been that close to her apartment before.

Goodnight, martin.

Goodnight.

Come on in, tommy.

Thank you.

I can't believe he stood me up like that.

It just never works out for me.

I understand. You know, pam,

A lot of men don't appreciate a good woman, you know.

Hah. You got that right.

I mean, we search all over for our soulmate...

Friend, someone to spend our time with...

When all the time, the most beautiful...

Most precious things are right under our noses...

Like a sweet-smelling rose.

That was beautiful, tommy.

Hmph.

Word?

Word.

We can't do this.

Not like this.

Hey, you're right.

See? I'm right.

Like this.

So...

What's on your mind?

You. You know, last night really surprised me.

You mean what I said?

Mmm, no, no, baby.

It wasn't what you said.

So where do we go from here?

Well, I think we should get to know each other a little better.

Take it to another level,

'Cause our friendship is very important to me.

O.k...o.k.

I can deal with that.

We can slow this down...

As long as we don't stop. You hear me?

I've been thinking about this for a long time.

And so have i, you know.

Just...if we remember one very important thing.

This relationship of ours is our business, o.k.?

Martin and gina don't have to know anything.

I'm way ahead of you, all right?

I understand.

Cool.

O.k.

See you tonight at martin's.

Got you, baby.

Tommy...

Yeah.

Aren't you forgetting something?

Sorry.

Uh-uh, bro.

You said we were going to go half on that headboard we broke.

Cole, I'm the love doctor.

Trust me on this.

I'll send you the bill.

Thanks, cole. All right.

Whoo!

Martin, don't you think

You're taking this love doctor thing a little too far?

No, gina. That's what I do.

I help people.

Now let me help myself.

I gotta use the bathroom.

Hi, gina.

Hi.

Me and pam didn't come together.

We got here at the same time by coincidence.

Uh-huh. Y'all ready to go to nipsey's?

Whatever. Let me get my coat and martin.

O.k. Get your coat.

You know, martin is really going a little bit too far

With this love doctor thing.

He's driving me nuts. Y'all gotta help me.

I'm serious.

What's wrong with y'all?

Nothing.nothing.

Well, anyway, he has got to be stopped. I'm serious.

Oohhhh! Ooh!

Ooh! Ooh! Come on, y'all!

Both ends of the couch. I'm not stupid.

Girl, you gotta tell me what--aah!

Tell me what happened, girl.

Wait a minute.

Tommy, you go, boy.

Wait a minute.

Gina, shut up. Shut up.

If you open your big mouth to martin,

I swear, I'm going to k*ll you.

Even though it was his idea.

Say what?

What are you talking about?

Wait a minute.

The love doctor set y'all up?

Oh, this is going to be good.

This is going to be good!

Wait! Wait! What are you talking about?

Tell me what's going on.

O.k. Look. I asked him for some advice.

He didn't know he was hooking me up with you.

I just told him it was a close friend.

Oh, man!

So the love doctor

Hooked up his best friend and his worst enemy?

This is going be good.

Gina, don't say anything.

Martin! Honey!

Come here. I want to talk to you.

Please! Please!

Whoo!

Coming out feeling about pounds lighter.

I'm sorry. I didn't know y'all out here.

Y'all 'bout ready to go?

One minute, love doctor.

Isn't this great? Nice and cozy,

All of us going out together, like on a double date?

No, no, no, gina.

It ain't a double date.

It's just you, me, tommy, and marmaduke.

Don't worry. Maybe one day the love doctor

Will hook you up with somebody.

You'd be my greatest challenge.

Love doctor never fails.

You're gonna have to relax on the insults, all right?

[Coughing]

Did you hear what he said about me?

I better go here. Whoo!

What he said...

Baby, did you see him? Baby, did you see him?

Relax!

Hey, tommy, you act like this is your woman

Or something, lou gossett.

Martin, there's something I want to tell you.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Let me get my camera.

This is a kodak moment.

Gina, I ain't in no mood to take no pictures now.

Um, martin.

Yeah.

That sister I was talking to you

About getting together with.

Yeah, did you take the love doctor's advice?

You do what I told you to do?

Oh, yes, I did.

I want you to know

That it's all because of you

That I got this special woman.

You know what, boy... Aaah!

I'm happy for you, man.

If it looks like I'm getting emotional,

It's 'cause I'm happy for you.

You feeling what I'm feeling?

You feel a calm, don't you, like me and gina?

You got somebody that got you.

Don't you feel it?

When do I meet her? I want to meet her.

Sooner than you think, martin.

Um, um, martin, that special woman...

Not, not now, gina.

Is pam.

Nooooo!!

Calm down.

You're gonna get your pressure up and pass out again.

Gimme the national guard,

The guardian angels.

Somebody's got to get them apart.

You know, I certainly hope you learned your lesson

From this one

Because I don't know how many times I have told you

Over and over...

Over and over...

All right, gina, all right.

You're starting to rub it in.

Baby, that's it. I'm through.

The love doctor has lost his license.

I don't want it no more.

Some love doctor.

That advice you gave me was all wrong, doc.

I told big shirley what you said.

And she came down on me hard.

sh**t! What did she say, cole?

She didn't say nothing!

She just came down on me.

She came down on my whole right side.

I mean, mart, she went on some wrestling move.

I mean, like... Whoop...bang!

I'm sorry.

Martin, this has got to stop.

Look at poor cole.

Cole, I'm sorry.

I didn't know big shirley would go up in the air,

Pause, and fall on you.

That's it, baby. I'm through.

Let this be the end of it.

Love doctor, you are the man.

Whazzup, nipsey?

It does take two to tangle.

I want you to meet pina and colada.

Oh, lord. It only takes one.

Now, now, baby, no.

Did I say I was going?

Girl, I ain't going nowhere.

Ththe love doctor back.

No, martin. Look at cole!

He'll be all right.

You wanna take gina's mace?

Mace?

You lose something over there?