03x13 - Go Tell It on the Martin

[bunniefuu]

Yeah, yeah.

Nipsey, give me the you-you.

I just got finished schooling some of these young punks

In my jujitsu class.

I know that's right.

That's right. Yeah.

Dragonfly, think I can get that christmas bonus

You promised me, man?

Silence.

Silence.

I got your money,

But I ain't giving it to you, punk.

As a matter of fact,

Nipsey, give everybody a drink on me

Except this punk, huh?

You come straight out of a comic book, man.

Comic book?

Comic book?

Hyah!

Hold up, man. You're breaking up my place.

Get off of me, dickums.

K.g., Handle your business.

Handle your...

You want this? It's on.

Hie! Hie! Hie!

Aah-aah!

Hie!

Hie!

Hie!

Hie!

Hie!

[Playing the entertainer]

Hie!

Hie!

Hie!

You have a merry christmas, dragonfly.

And a happy new year to you, too.

Captioning made possible by warner bros.

♪ Lawrence ♪♪

We're going in three minutes,

So, martin.

Yeah.

How are things down at the tv station

Since mrs. Rodriguez is out of town?

Oh, sh**t, everything is fine.

You know, she got her niece maria running things.

Oh, man. She respects me for my talent.

Why do you think I got my own christmas special?

So what you got planned?

I plan on doing the family thing, tommy.

That's why I want y'all down there, especially gina.

I appreciate y'all helping me with the decorations,

But check this out.

I'm thinking about giving gina

Her christmas gift on the air.

Is that right?

Yeah. Check it. Tell me what you think.

Oh, my god.

You like that?

That is bad, man.

She's going to love it.

That's what I thought. I think she will.

Here she comes.

We got y'all gifts wrapped.

What y'all get for us?

Pam, come on, now.

I already have my gift.

I got my man, all right?

I really don't need that diamond tennis bracelet

That's on sale at tosh's jewelry store

Third window from the left. I don't need it.

Well, then, baby, you going to have

A very merry christmas.

Really?

Really, martin?

Yeah, because I ain't getting you that.

You're not getting that.

You're not getting that at all.

You got her.

Y'all ain't going to believe this.

I was jacked.

What?

Damn it.

What did they do?

Did they take the pacer?

They jacked me for my clothes.

I was just chillin' at the bus stop, right,

And then this kid rolled up on me

And was like, "take everything off."

That's a really sad story, cole.

I'm sorry to hear that.

They caught you with the boot across your chest,

But you all right.

You still coming down to the station later?

No. I'm still a little shaken up.

I'm going to chill. Go ahead.

All right.

Martin, be careful out there, man.

It's real out there.

O.k. You're going to miss a good show.

My christmas show going to be the b*mb.

I'm going to have dancing, poetry,

I got even bebe and cece winans.

They thinking about stopping by and doing a little something.

Bebe and cece going to be there?

Oh, yeah.

Maybe I'll check out your whack little show.

Rudolph, please.

You just mad because they won't let you play

In any reindeer games.

In ..........

Well, well. Thank you very much.

Happy holidays to everyone,

And welcome to a very special

Word-on-the-street christmas.

I'm your beloved host martin payne.

Y'all know me. Y'all know me.

And joining me is my guest host.

Give it up for my fiancé, gina waters.

Hello.

Hello. Merry christmas. Season's greetings.

Happy kwanza. Feliz navidad.

Before we get started,

I want to introduce some friends in the audience.

The brother with the christmas ornament head

Is my boy tommy.

Give it up for tommy.

And sitting next to him,

I'm sure you all know...

Blitzen. Give it up.

Blitzen.

That's right. That's right.

To start the show,

We're going to go back to the motherland

For a very special moment--

Kwanza moment with the bookers.

Give it up for the bookers.

Greetings.

The first principle of kwanza is oomojah,

Which means unity.

You should strive for unity in your nation,

Your community,

And especially your family.

Family? Well, if you believe that,

You wouldn't have stayed out gallivanting all night long.

Why are bringing that up when we're on tv?

Where else am I going to bring it up?

Wait, wait. This is christmas. This is kwanza.

Respect the holidays.

[Arguing]

Come on. Y'all are on tv.

Look. Please, sit down.

You blew your chance on tv by arguing.

Oomojah.

Oomojah.

Baby, introduce our next guest

Because the bookers, you know...

Next we going to enjoy

The rhythmic stylings

Of the dancing johnsons.

[Music playing]

You better be dancing, girl.

Go, johnson!

Go, johnson!

Go, johnson!

Give it up!

Ooh! Ooh!

Ooh! Ooh!

Ooh! Ooh!

Ooh! Ooh!

Hey, man. Party down.

Oh, you bad.

That's right. You bad.

They bad, y'all. They bad.

I got to tell you

It gets me all emotional

When I see good dancing like that

'Cause you just don't see good dancing

Like that today.

Oh...oh, they bad.

Oh, they bad.

Oh, man, forget them.

Where bebe and cece at?

You want bebe and cece?

Give it up. Bebe and cece.

♪ The first ♪

♪ Noel ♪

♪ The angels ♪

♪ Did say ♪

♪ On a certain poor shepherds ♪

♪ In fields ♪

♪ As they lay ♪

♪ In fields ♪

♪ Where they ♪

♪ Lay keeping ♪

♪ Their sheep ♪

♪ On a cold winter night ♪

♪ That was so-- ♪♪

Excuse me. I can't see.

I'm sorry about this, cece.

I know I asked them to get santa down here,

But, damn, the sleigh just got here.

Now whazzup, santa? Are you crazy?

We on live.

Whazzup?

I'll tell you whazzup.

I hate this time of year.

That's whazzup, bro man.

You got to deal with him on a calm level.

Now, listen, o.k.?

You better reach back down

In your bag of jolliness, o.k.,

And bring out some h* h* h*s.

[Cheering]

No, no, no. You better do as I say

Or else I'll turn this christmas

Into the th of july.

[Audience gasps]

h* h* h*...

h*.

As you can see,

I am fully strapped.

I can go here,

Take one or two of you out,

Or I can go here

And blow us all up.

I ain't got nothing to lose.

All right, now.

No.

I got to do this.

As a man, I got to handle this.

Somebody's got to tell him.

Now, uh...

Now, there's no need

For innocent people to get hurt.

I mean, all you need is one hostage.

Generally in a hostage situation,

They only want one, you know,

Because other people just get in your way.

So why don't you let everybody else go--

No, baby--

And keep pam?

No, no, no, no.

Why me?

No! I'm the one hurt!

See, my wife left me,

And I lost my job.

I ain't going nowhere

Until I get them both back.

Excuse me, brother claus...

Um...this is between you and martin,

You know what I'm saying? Not me.

So I got to go visit my aunt

Because she got some fierce candy yams,

And, uh...

You ever had your hair rolled up

With a stick of dynamite, baby?

Tommy, you better get them.

Wait, wait, wait. Hold on.

No. Wait a minute. Hold on.

No, no, no. Daddy going to handle this.

Talking to my woman like that?

You don't talk to my woman like that.

Who the hell are you?

I'm here beautician, daddy.

I'm going to do her hair.

Tommy!

Hold on. He has the b*mb.

You handle your business, daddy.

I'm in control.

And right now--

See, right now,

I want bebe and cece

To sing me a little song.

Bebe and cece, I think we got a little request.

♪ Noel ♪ whoo ♪

♪ Whoo ♪ ♪ noel ♪♪

No, no, no. That ain't how it goes.

Don't y'all play with me.

Come on. Right here.

Sing that little song right.

Sing.

♪ Noel ♪

♪ Noel ♪

♪ Noel ♪

♪ Noel ♪

♪ Born is the king ♪

♪ Of israel ♪♪

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Whoo. Cece, you so fine.

[Telephone rings]

O.k.

You.

What?

You answer that phone.

No, man.

Come on, and don't get cute.

Tommy, swing on him.

O.k., Well, hold--

O.k., Well, hold your horses.

Don't slam me on the thing now.

All right. O.k.

Easy. Easy. Come on.

If it's the cops, then they--o.k.

Yo, whazzup? It's me, cole.

I'm watching your show.

This is a funny episode, boy.

Thank you, cole, but not now.

This is not a good time.

I know you're kind of busy.

I was wondering if I could have

The last swallow of juice in the fridge.

Cole, not now, all right?

How long you planning on saving the juice, man?

Listen, cole, now I'm not playing.

This is serious. This is not a joke.

Brother claus is right here.

He said ain't nobody going nowhere

Until he gets sister claus.

If you don't get her, we all done.

He wants to speak to you.

Find my baby, clown.

Find his baby, clown.

O.k., Later, cole.

Get her down here now.

Damn, brother claus,

Sister claus must got you whupped.

I'm not going to say it again.

If I don't get what I want--

Yeah, yeah. You're going to blow us all up.

Santa, you been talking that yak all night.

You done messed up my christmas and my hair.

You made me late for work.

Shut up, man. You probably ain't even got no job.

Now, look, brother claus...

Uh...we got somebody else

Trying to find sister claus.

I don't know what we can do about your job.

Not much we can do.

I don't even fill out applications.

We got something you might like a little better.

Maria, tell him what we was talking about

When you had told me

About the things that you could do.

If you give us the exclusive rights to your story,

We'll pay you for your first interview.

And...

And after that,

We talk about movie rights.

Brother claus, it's -.

There's somebody here to see you.

Now say cool 'cause we're sending him through.

No tricks!

I found that lady you was asking me for.

Is this her?

Where have you been?

Oh, baby.

Rufus, what are you doing

Messing up these people's christmas?

Look, baby, times is hard,

And I wasn't bringing no money in,

So I had to do what I had to

To give you a merry christmas.

By hijacking a tv station.

Oh, no. See--

We on tv, ain't we?

I've done all this,

And you're worried about being on tv?

I'm holding all these people hostage,

You worried about tv.

Hold--hold on.

Brother claus, rufus, let me handle this, o.k.?

Sister claus. Sister claus.

Huh?

Hey, how are you?

I don't know if you know, sister claus,

But this man really loves you.

He was all in miss cece's face to me.

"I love you, cece."

I love you, baby.

See what he feels about the love for you?

O.k., Peaches.

I love you, too.

Uh-uh, but don't touch me.

You got the b*mb on you.

These are rufus, jr.'S toys.

They ain't even real.

Oh. Hold up.

Hold up. You had us hemmed up all night,

And these ain't even real?

Tommy, drop him.

Touch his chin, tommy.

Look at that. That is the christmas spirit.

That is love, honey.

That ain't love. That's crazy.

He had us hemmed up all night,

And this ain't even real.

You can throw that.

That one ain't no toy.

That's live. You got a few seconds left.

Your show's going to be the b*mb for real.

Find that pin! Find that pin!

Baby, I got it! I got it!

I got it!

Put it in there.

Got it..

Last christmas show I'm coming to.

This is ridiculous.

I never...

My baby saved my life once again.

I want to thank you for joining me

On my wonderful christmas special.

Join us next year,

Same time, same place.

Bebe, cece, take us home.

♪ Go tell it on the mountain ♪

♪ Over the hills and everywhere ♪

♪ Go tell it on the mountain ♪

♪ That jesus christ is born ♪

Tell it. Sing it.

♪ That jesus christ ♪

♪ Is born ♪♪

Oh, baby. Yeah.

Me!

That's for you.

I wanted to give it to you on the air,

But because of the b*mb situation,

I couldn't.

Can I open it? It's :.

Open it. Hit it.

Oh, martin... This tennis bracelet.

You said you didn't get it for me, boy.

Girl.

Don't be beating me up.

That's what christmas is for.

That's what it's about.

Hey, martin.

Yeah, yeah.

Uh, why don't we go in the back

So I can let you unwrap your gift?

Let me unwrap my gift.

Why do we have to

Take it to the back?

We can just go right up under the christmas tree.

Oh, boy, under the christmas tree,

I just don't know about that one here.

I'm about to take you there.

I'll take you there.

I'll take you there.