03x14 - Xpress Yourself

[bunniefuu]

We're back in , , , ...

[Theme music plays]

Check this out.

Before we close out on word on the street,

Here's something for you dads who don't give a damn.

If you can't do the time,

Then, damn it, don't do the grind.

That's right, martin! That's my man!

I thought I had a little boy once,

A little kid,

And I didn't hide behind no ski mask

'Cause y'all know marty-mart.

Yeah, I love the kids.

Tell 'em, martin! Speak to 'em!

I got a little something for y'all.

Check this out.

Huh?

Put that mask back on!

You bringin' me down!

This here's ron.

Ron has two kids that he don't support.

Ain't that right, ron?

Ron, you know,

You're on my "need your a*s whupped" list.

Bark, ron! Bark, ron!

I know that!

Got a little something else for y'all, then.

Hello.

How are you?

Aha!

This here is don.

Right, don?

Don ran out on his wife

While she was in the delivery room having triplets.

Ain't that right, don?

Huh?

You need a triplet a*s-whuppin', don!

All up in there, don.

Sorry. Sometimes I go off when they hurt the kids

'Cause the kid emotionally is hurt.

Well, that's our show for today.

Did ya have a good time?

You know I had a good time!

I always have a good time

On word on the street.

And that's word up! Understand?

This is for all the brothers who ain't here tonight.

That's our show. That's our show.

I'm your host martin payne.

We're outta here.

Get on out. Get on out.

Captioning made possible by warner bros.

♪ Lawrence ♪♪

We're going in three minutes,

Rnice, call bentley, buford, and diamond.

I want their best media consultant.

For what? For martin.

With the right image,

His name could be a household word.

Bam-bam. Whazzup?

What did you think about the show?

Well, I loved it, martin.

Thank you, bernice.

Mmm.

So what did you want to talk to me about?

Well, I've been wanting to make some changes.

Cool. I was thinking the same thing exactly.

Bernice can always get another job.

A good lumberjack can always find work.

Martin, I think your show could be a huge hit.

What do you mean? To my audience, I'm already large.

But you could even be larger.

And we could even put you in a bigger studio.

And, of course, that would mean

More money.

More mucho dineros, huh?

Yeah, yeah. Brother do got bills. Brother got bills.

I've called the best media consulting firm in the city.

These people can show you how to change your image

And reach a bigger audience.

You don't have to send no consulting firm in here

To tell me nothing.

I know what I'm doing. I got this locked down.

I agree, but you belong in the big leagues, martin.

With a little help, you can reach that level.

Word?

No, martin, word on the street.

Right. I said, "word."

No, no. Word on the street.

No, no, "word." Damn it, I'm with you.

Word. Right on.

Ha ha ha ha!

Word. You got it.

That's right. Yougot it.

Here you go, tommy.

So you've been hired as the new consultant on martin's show.

I'm so excited, tommy!

It's a big account for our firm

And a great opportunity for me.

How does martin feel about that?

Huh?

Uh-oh.

Gina, you haven't told martin

You're working with him?

I wanted to break it to him gently.

He has to do what you say?

He's gonna hate that.

Can I please throw it in his face?

Yay! Yay!

All right! Congratulations!

Well, all right!

Y'all make a man feel good

Coming home to his castle.

Tommy, what's happenin', bro?

All right.

All right! Beetlejuice, hey.

So how does it feel

To be officially the star of your own show?

Oh, man! It feels good.

It's cool.

'Cept they're gonna try to get some consultant

To tell me how to do my show, baby.

Puh-lease.

I know what I'm doing. I know tv.

Excuse me. Gina, you know a little bit about tv,

Don't you?

Watch this.

Shh! Shut up, pam! Let's eat, baby.

What?

How's some bourgie tight-a*s in a suit

Gonna tell me how to run my show?

Know what I mean?

Gina, you're a little bourgie, aren't you?

Take this, please.

Martin...honey...

Maybe this tv consultant has some good ideas.

Well, I doubt it.

Nah. I doubt that.

They don't know nothin' about what's real.

Martin, I don't think that's fair.

People work very hard to do their jobs.

I don't think it's fair, either.

But you are confusing me.

Why are you getting so defensive?

I'm just talking about some fake corporate clown.

Because I'm the fake corporate clown, martin.

Your boss hired me.

You?

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Small world, isn't it.

Ha ha ha!

O.k., Martin, just stay calm.

It may not be that bad, man.

Are you crazy?

It's gonna be the best thing

That ever happened to me, man!

What do you mean? You're not mad?

Of course not!

Yow! Martin!

You're actually o.k. With us working together?

Baby--ding ding-- come on!

I love it!

Girl, me and you workin' side by side, thinkin' alike.

Bonnie and clyde.

Like ashford and simpson.

Cube and yo-yo. Huh?

Martin, I am so excited!

You're just as excited about this as me.

I'm probably even more excited, baby!

'Cause what this means

Is I ain't got to change my show at all.

I tell you what I want. You tell maria.

Everything's everything!

We got it locked!

Click-click!

Yeah!

Th-that's nice, honey,

But I'm going to do my job.

Whoa, baby.

I wouldn't stand in your way.

I'm here to support you.

You do what you do, and you do it well.

Ow! Whoa!

That was easier than I thought. Let's eat!

Who thought it was gonna be hard?

Got my girl. Whoo!

Good food, good wine.

Good friend.

Uh, gimme a second, pam.

I'll think of some way to include you.

Uh, tommy, would you say the grace, please?

My research is based on several focus groups

We did all over the state.

People want a talk show host

Who's warm, agreeable, soft-spoken--

Whazzup!

Oh! Hey!

Y'all in a little meeting or something?

No. That's all right, martin.

Come sit down. We were just talking about you.

You sure?

'Cause I don't want to interrupt

Ms. Waters and her presentation.

But let me go on,

Sit on down, step on around.

Go on, handle your business, ms. Waters.

♪ Bonnie and clyde ♪ bam. Hit it.

Thank you, martin.

All right.

Um, now, as I was saying,

The people in the northwest part of the state--

'Scuse me.

Oops! Sorry.

Didn't wanna cut you off,

But could I see you for a second?

Martin, I'm in the middle--

Yeah, I know that.

Maria, you know how--

We work together, so we're not going nowhere.

What are you doing?

Baby, baby, now check this out.

I know you have good ideas, o.k.?

But check this out.

Here's my list.

I'll tell you what I want,

And you tell maria.

It's all gonna be hit, o.k.?

No more interruptions,

But you're doin' good, girl.

Gina, is everything o.k.?

No. Everything's fine.

No. Um, as I was saying,

Most people prefer the host

To moderate and not opinionate.

Opinionate! Oh, go ahead, girl--

Whoo!

With the big words, with your big words.

Baby, hit her with my list now.

Just a minute, martin, please?

But tell her about the fly girls--

How we're gonna have 'em

Comin' out on the break.

Oh, o.k. My bad. I'm in the cut.

I'm chillin'.

Well, in general,

Word on the street needs to be revamped

From top to bottom,

Starting with the host.

People respond to a more conservative-looking host.

And, um, if you have any questions,

You can just refer

To the reports here.

Martin--you could have one, mr. Payne.

Yeah. I like it.

Hold up, hold up.

What's all this?

It don't look like nothin' I'm used to.

It don't look like my presentation.

Martin, I'm just doing my job.

My research says

If you do these things to change your image,

Your show will appeal to a bigger audience.

The numbers don't lie.

Oh...oh, I see what's going on.

Uh-uh-uh.

I never thought it would be you, gina.

Smile in your face.

All the time, they wanna take your place-- backstabbers.

[Smacks table]

Martin...

[Maria] martin!

Martin, it's not like that!

Whatcha mean, "it's not like that"?

What are you going to want to do to me next,

Give me a flat-top and a big a*s?

No offense to anyone.

[Nerd voice] image, right? I'll be back.

We want to thank

The lovely ladies from the gardening club.

Give them a round of applause for being here.

You're lovely.

And I'll tell you what-- I'll water my plants.

Well, look. We have a treat for you.

We want to say hello

To the oldest living man in america.

He's years old.

We're going to go to him via satellite.

His name is john pittman.

Mr. Pittman! So you're years old!

What did you say?

Fold the clothes?

I ain't foldin' no damn clothes!

I'm years old. Are you crazy?

Well, mr. Pittman, I got to tell you,

On behalf of myself and everyone over here

On word on the street,

We want to say happy birthday to you.

What? What did he say?

Marvin gaye? Yeah, I like marvin gaye.

The boy could sing. ♪ Let's get it on ♪♪

Well, we gotta go, and that's our show.

What are you sayin'? I ain't no h*!

I'm too old to be hoin'!

Uh-huh. A-ha!

Well, all right! All right!

I'll tell you. Listen. Be good.

And if you can't be good, be good at it.

I'm your host martin payne for word on the street.

Shake it. Get it on up outta here.

Love ya.

[Director] and clear!

Lovely. Everyone, be lovely.

I'm diggin' it. I'm lovin' it.

Gina, baby, this is whack!

What are you talking about?

Look at your audience. They love you.

Heh. Hi.

My research is right, o.k.?

Just trust me now. Trust me.

Maria, straight up, o.k.?

I'm a brother from around the way.

I'm not feeling this. This is not me.

We can get you into syndication,

Maybe even move you into a major network.

You know how much money you could make?

That's not the issue.

Money is not the issue.

Don't you think you should get paid for your talents?

Always steppin' to me with the money.

Now, what can a person get paid?

Steppin' with me

With the money all the time.

That's not a bad damn step, either.

Mm-hmm.

[Humming]

Hey, gina, babe.

Did you see me in people?

Fly, huh? You like the pose?

That's fly as fly can be.

Hey, whazzup? Hey. Yo.

Hey, what's happenin'? How are you?

Girl, did you see me on soul beat?

How fly can one man be, huh?

Uh, baby, I don't think there's enough room in here

For us and martin's ego.

Excuse me.

There's gonna be plenty of room

Soon as you shed your winter fur,

Gentle ben.

Shut up.

Yeah.

Look, martin,

We're going up to nipsey's. Wanna roll?

Oh, hush your mouth!

I can't do that no more, tommy.

I got a image now. I gotta watch that.

People might recognize me.

How that gonna look on the kids? Shh.

Ain't no kids at nipsey's. What do you mean?

Please, pam, come on!

What's with your woman?

I can't have people all up in my business.

I ain't tryin' to end up on no inside edition.

Martin, that's nice,

But I think you're worrying about all this

A little too soon.

Well, if I'm worried,

Then you call people, you call jettin',

And tell 'em what you said.

We'll be over at nipsey's, all right?

Tom, maybe I will come down in there.

No. I forgot.

I gotta go down to the crystal room.

Belma johnson's interviewing me for teen summit.

They say belma's blowin' up.

What?

That sounds like fun.

Sorry, guys. We can't join you.

No, no, no. Gina, you can go.

I thought we were going to an interview with belma.

No, I said i. They want to interview me.

But this was all your idea, so don't feel bad.

Give me my sugar. I got to roll.

Mwah! Hollywood.

Hollywood.

No, he didn't.

I tell you, y'all look good.

Really. It ain't just me.

Y'all be cool. Baby--mwah!

Oh, nice job, gina.

You made somebody who's already annoying more annoying?

Pam, please.

Martin's not that bad, o.k.?

Oh, da--uh, whoo!

Um, can't roll without my glasses.

What was I thinkin'?

Gotta look smart for my public.

That's what the research shows.

Image, right?

Yo, this ain't no martin set.

Sure hope they ain't tryin' to change the brother up.

Everybody settled, and , ...

Welcome to...

With your host martin payne.

[Drunk woman] all right!

Thank you. All right.

Thank you. Welcome!

Welcome. What's happenin'?

Welcome to a hip-hop, shebangity-bang-bang show.

I'm gonna tell ya.

We're gonna get right to my first guest.

My first guest is sweet reggie.

They call him the ladies' man.

Give it up for sweet reggie.

What's happenin', reg?

What's happening?

You cool? All right.

Say hello.

All right. Sit on down here, reggie.

Good to have you.

Did you have your cadillac

Parked out front, reggie?

I know you're smooth like that, aren't ya?

Well, reggie, we're gonna get right to the point.

And, uh, some people would describe you as a womanizer.

What seems to be your problem, reggie?

I ain't got no problem, man.

I likes the ladies,

And the ladies like me.

You know, that's all it is.

I think there's more to it than that, reggie.

Come on, would you share with us?

Share? Did you forget where you came from?

I haven't forgot anything.

I know where I come from.

If I could give you my address, I would,

But we're on the air.

Everything's cool, brother fo'real.

Hold on.

Go ahead, pal. Speak, buddy, speak.

African kings used to have womens at a time,

And they ain't up here on no talk show.

You gonna let that string bean get away with that?

Yo, check that fool, like you used to.

You just mad 'cause you can't get no woman.

h*-h*-hold. Hold on!

This is where I get control,

And I calm you down.

This brother here, this is brother fo'real.

He comes to all my shows.

This man is a fan.

Just read the questions off them cue cards

Like you s'posed to.

'Cause I really wasn't even talkin' to you.

Aw, damn...

Aw, damn...

[Brother fo'real] there you go! There you go!

I guess you don't know whose show this is.

I run this show!

Martin! Martin!

What?

Tone it down.

I ain't tonin' nothin' down, maria,

And I ain't sellin' out.

That's what I'm talkin' about!

You need to respect the ladies

The way the ladies want to be respected.

I know how to treats the ladies, man.

Just ask you auntie.

Oh! Well, apparently, you don't know my auntie can whup a*s

And so can i!

[Brother fo'real] yeah, that's right! Do him! Do him!

Yo! Nobody better not jump in!

[Sighs]

Whazzup, baby?

Martin, um, I saw the show.

So you went back to your old format, huh?

Yeah. Whuppin' a*s is the format

I'm more familiar with, gina.

Seems to be what works for me, yeah.

Are you o.k.?

Me? Cool. I'm cool.

I'm all right, but check this out.

I tried your research, gina.

And I'm not sayin' that your research don't work,

But it don't work for me.

I got to be true to my audience.

Most importantly, I got to be true to myself.

No money will change that.

Martin, I know.

Do you?

Yes. You got to be your own man.

That's right!

If it was me,

I would probably do the same thing.

Yeah, yeah, o.k.

Then you understand now.

You got to support me the way I support you.

All right.

It ain't us against each other,

Or do it this way. You got to support me.

All right, martin. All right.

Oh, you know what?

There was some research I had already forgotten.

See?

How you gonna tell me you supportin' me,

And now you're comin' out with the research.

This is very important. Look!

Shush!

What?

Shh!

Research shows...

That I love you very much.

Aw...

Well, come here.

The research shows that your man loves you right back.

Oh, really?

Yes.

And research shows...

That your man wants the luscious to places on my lips.

Hah!

There they are, baby.

Mmm, mmm...mmm.

S'happenin, baby?

He's stupid.

[Director] , , , ...

Honey, I'm home!

I'm just showing the audience

There's different ways you can enter, that's all.

A variety of ways.