03x24 - The Romantic Weekend

[bunniefuu]

Hey, baby. Let's go to the roller-skating rink

For that skating party.

We could call tommy and pam.

Oh, no, baby. Please. I can't do that.

I'm not trying to be around baldy and the beast tonight.

So what are you going to do tonight?

Baby, I was thinking of sitting around here,

Probably watch me some def jam.

Hey, they got some talented brothers coming up out of there.

That's all you're going to do?

No. Then I'm going to watch a little national geographic.

You can never be up on your wild kingdom enough.

Never know when you're going to run into a wild animal.

Hey, y'all. Whazzup?

See what I mean?

Captioning made possible by warner bros.

Captioning made possible by warner bros.

* Lawrence **

We're going in three minutes,

I'd like to propose a toast to tommy and pam.

Martin.

Martin!

Yeah, yeah, baby. Not now.

Baby, this is the part

Where weezie thinks george and florence

Are knocking boots. Yeah.

Yeah, george wasn't moving on up.

He was pushing on up.

Go on with that, george.

Go on with that.

To our best friends tommy and pam

On their six-month anniversary. Hear, hear.

Hear, hear, hear, hear!

To the love of my life.

Like a sweet-smelling flower,

You've blossomed in my heart.

Gina, look what he got me!

Oh.

For our anniversary. Isn't that beautiful?

Martin, don't you want to see what pam got?

What you got there, pam,

A new chew toy?

Why do I got to know what it is?

Anyway, tommy's taking me on a trip.

We're going away for the weekend. Right, baby?

That's right.

Got a nice, quiet room next to the ocean.

Oh, wow.

Martin...

We haven't been to the ocean in a long time.

Doesn't that sound like fun?

What the hell do I want to go to the ocean

And watch free pammy

Do tricks for raw fish?

I don't even want to talk to you.

Don't take out your frustrations on me, man.

It's not my fault you stopped growing

After the sixth grade.

Hey, hey, hey.

Nobody's going to ruin my good mood.

You know why?

'Cause my baby's taking me

On a horse and carriage ride, dawg.

That's right, and it's waiting downstairs. We better move.

Waiting downstairs?

Well, why don't you just call down to it?

Don't you speak horse?

Neigh.

Neigh.

Neigh.

Neigh.

That's very funny, little man.

Now, why don't you go take a nap in your shoe box?

Don't...

We'll see y'all later.

Don't make no sense,

What she said about the shoe box thing.

Baby, I was thinking maybe we should do something special.

Really? Really, martin?

Yeah, that's right, girl.

We ain't going to be sitting on this couch

Watching no tv all night.

Ha ha ha ha.

I was figuring we go in the bedroom

And watch a little tv.

Whoa. Excuse me.

Look at the horsy.

Congratulations, pam!

Goodbye!

I'll be right here...

Doing nothing...

As usual!

Baby, you got a problem with me?

It sounds like the funk's coming out of your voice,

And that's hurting me

Because I'm thinking the problem is with me.

Is it with me?

No!

Oh, o.k.

I'm not trying to tell you

That I'm tired of staying home every night.

I'm not trying to tell you

That I've never been

On a horse and carriage ride in my life.

Well, good,

'Cause horse and carriage rides

Don't come through the damn ghetto.

Get that through your head.

O.k., Girl.

Now, let's sit here and watch--

Baby, andy griffith.

Look at him. Oh, andy griffith.

Baby, you ever notice...

Wasn't no brothers up in mayberry.

You know, we never did see opie's mother,

Unless opie was a victim of the swirl.

Do you think he's got a little soul in him?

Oh! Oh!

You going to jump me like that?

You know, my baby seems like--

I don't know what's her problem lately.

She acts like she got a lot on her mind.

Maybe she needs a change of scenery.

What do you mean?

We just got the cabinets painted.

Ain't that enough scenery?

I mean take her away somewhere.

Pam and i, we flying off for the weekend.

Good. Both of y'all can fit on her broom, can't you?

Hey, baby.

Hey, sweetie. I missed you.

Hi, martin.

Hey, baby.

I got your tv guide, your tv dinners.

There's the tv. You set for life, brother.

You're always looking out for me.

Martin, where's cole?

Cole's in the bedroom on the phone,

Running up my bill.

Cole! Off my phone, man!

Yeah. Yeah.

All right, shirley. I'll see you in a minute.

All right, girl.

With your big self.

[Snort] woof!

Y'all, I got to roll.

I got to pick up big shirley from football practice.

We going on a little vacation this weekend,

Taking a tour of a curly-fry convention in chicago.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait a minute.

Tommy, you're taking pam to a resort,

And, cole, you're taking big shirley to chicago

For a curly-fry convention?

Yeah. It's going to be all that.

I could hook you and martin up

With a ticket if you want.

Y'all ain't afraid to fly

With laboratory monkeys, are you?

We ain't flying

With no damn laboratory monkeys, man.

Cool. I was just offering.

Have fun, y'all. I'm out.

I-- I like monkeys.

Maybe we should be going, too.

We do have a lot to do--

Get our airline tickets, our passports,

Our travelers' checks.

You know what I mean, gina?

Uh-oh. My bad.

I bet y'all do got a lot to do.

It must be hard

Trying to find a traveling cage

Pam's size, huh?

We will see you when we get back.

Oh, see you. Yeah. Later.

Got a little surprise for you.

What?

I was thinking

Maybe we should go somewhere special.

What do you think?

Us go somewhere?

Yes, us go somewhere.

Sit on down here, girl.

All right now. I've been planning this trip

Kind of for a long time,

But I wanted to surprise you, so...

Spla-ka-ka.

A box of cereal?

No, thank you. I'm not hungry.

It ain't no any box of cereal, gina.

Come on. I'm taking you on vacation, baby.

I'm taking you to chilligan's island.

A trip on the back of a box of cereal?

Martin, how good could that be?

Cereal give you good trips.

You just got to buy the cereal.

O.k.? Now look.

Let me see it.

Look at the coupon, o.k.?

What does it say? "Deluxe suite." Right?

We got, uh, uh, uh, uh--

Oh, the finest restaurant,

Four swimming pools.

Baby, this place going to be the b*mb.

You know what, martin? Maybe you're right.

I mean, look at the sandy beaches

And the palm trees.

I mean, it is a cartoon, but it's beautiful.

You know what, baby?

I think I'm getting excited.

Are you?

Let me see you do that.

Ha ha! Yeah, you're getting excited.

Well, slow your roll. Slow your roll.

'Cause we'll need more box tops

Before we on our way.

Here's your suite.

What the--

Hey, man!

What--

This is--

I--i know they ain't playing us like this.

[Music plays]

Welcome to chilligan's island.

No--no. No!

No, baby.

Gina, look at this place.

Wait, wait. This cannot be right.

Is this the champagne suite?

The one and only world's-famous.

This ain't no damn champagne suite.

It's the gin and juice room, man.

You know what?

I thought there'd be a jacuzzi

And a beachfront view.

You must have seen the cereal box ad.

Works every time.

Wait. What--what happened

To the stuff you had in the brochure?

All the stuff you said would be here.

You know, that's false advertising.

That's right.

No, it's not, my friend.

You've got your minibar right here.

Follow me now. Follow me.

You've got your lovely view,

And you've got your international communications system.

Wait. We didn't come down here for all that.

We came to get our romance on.

I didn't come down here

To kick nobody's a*s, did i?

Martin, let me handle this, o.k., Baby?

Excuse me. When is the next plane off this island?

The next plane is coming

In about three days.

No, no. No, no. You know what?

You're going to give the money back, bro.

I don't know if you noticed--

We want our money back.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I've got some other folks to check in.

Hey! We're getting off this island!

That's right!

We ain't going out like gilligan and them!

Baby, look at this place! It's nasty!

Aw, baby, come on now.

Let me think now. Let me think.

O.k. sh**t, let me think.

Um...

If you really look around

And look at it,

We got a bed and stuff.

The place really isn't bad.

What?

What's wrong?

Hey, baby...

Yeah.

I think there's a puppy in our room.

Oh, gina, that ain't no damn puppy.

That ain't no damn puppy.

Get him, baby! Aah!

Get him, baby!

Get him! Aah!

Get him! Get him out! Get him out!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Baby, get him!

Aah! Martin!

Aah!

Baby, did you get him?

Martin! Oh, no! Get him!

Push him back!

I'm sick!

Martin, get him!

Close the--

He's--

Get him, baby, please!

Get him, martin!

Aah!

Get him!

You all right?

You all right?

You o.k.?

Baby--

Did he bite me?

No, he didn't.

Do I got rabies?

Do I need a rabies shot?

Please, don't touch me!

Baby...

Did you get him?

Yeah, baby. I think I got him.

He won't be coming back no more tonight.

Martin. Martin, baby...

You are so brave

To save me from the monster.

That's right.

Gina, remember this--

We got to keep this on the d.l.

We can't let tommy or pam

Know about this, o.k.?

No.

O.k. Now let's get our romance on.

Romance?

Romance.

You know,

You fighting that monster kind of turned me on.

Well, I had to do what I had to do.

I like the way you represented,

The way you jumped in and helped me out.

Bring it on, baby.

I brought you something from hoochie's secret.

Put it on.

You got me some lingerie?

I sure did.

The way I'm feeling right now?

Let me see this.

Damn.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. You like that?

Baby, i--i can't fit this.

What you mean?

It's not going to go in the--

It's not supposed to fit, baby.

Not supposed to fit.

You--

You better go over there

And slap on some of that--

I--you--you better get down cologne.

You want the get down?

I'll try to get this on.

That's right.

You know I can't bear this.

That's right. Get that on. That's right.

I'm putting some on the get down on, girl.

One thing about us, gina,

I'm glad me and you alone.

You hear me? I'm glad me and you alone.

This way I ain't got to see

Tommy and pam smiling, all up in--

You know, all up in our face,

Slobbing each other down.

Martin, martin, look at that.

Look at that sexy, handsome couple.

Girl, that thing got me sweating.

You know I likes the sweat.

You likes the sweat?

Baby, you don't even have to think

About tommy and pam this weekend.

Go ahead.

We going to--

That's right. Go.

How dare you?

This is supposed to be paradise!

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Wait a minute.

Uh, i--i think the monster got me hearing stuff.

Did it sound familiar?

Very.

Where is that coming from, martin?

I heard him say something--

I mean, can you believe this?

Sound like it's coming from behind the mirror, baby.

No. Wait.

I demand my money back.

Is that a hole?

Is th--

Aw, damn! Aw, damn!

What are y'all doing here?

What do you mean, what are we doing here?

Y'all followed us here.

You just want to show me up.

You the ladies' man, huh?

Oh, is that it?

First you steal my coupon idea,

Then you send your bloodhound ahead

To track us down. Ain't that something?

No. No, no, no. Martin, no, man.

You're not fooling nobody, dawg.

Y'all just trying to show us up!

You're not the only one

That can show your lady a good time.

Do you think it's like that?

Baby, am I showing you what you want?

You are all of that.

At least I can afford

A horse and carriage ride.

Yeah.

Well, it's cheaper for you.

You got your own horse.

You know what?

No, don't start. I got--

I ain't scared to fight you.

Man, martin, come on. No, no.

We ain't wasting our time with y'all.

Pam and I are going hiking.

Goodbye.

So what?

Martin and I are going jet skiing

Up chilligan's falls.

Hey, baby, what we going to do?

We're going to turn chilligan's island out.

Out!

Not before us.

Cut them off! Cut them off!

Watch out!

Hey, baby, we're getting on the sailboat!

Don't push me. I'm going.

Shouldn't have even went out there.

Shut up, gina.

Shut up.

That was fun, though, wasn't it?

Wasn't it fun, baby?

Hey, did you see my baby climb that mountain?

No. But we saw he tried.

He tried.

You know what?

I'm tired of you running your mouths.

I want y'all out.

Haul your asses out of here.

Hey, when we go back home,

I don't even want to see you.

We need our space.

We want our space.

Hey! There--there-- there's a puppy behind you.

Oh, lord.

Oh, man!

That ain't no damn puppy!

I got it!

You all right?

You o.k.? That was close.

Aah!

Aah!

Get it! Get it!

Get it! Get it! Get it!

And take that!

You got moxie.

Hey, you really do know something yourself.

It ain't coming back no more.

Get in here.

Aah...

Aah...

Poor baby.

Lucky I didn't get ahold of it.

Oh...

Pam.

What?

Pam, I got to say,

No matter how much we fight,

Hey, we got each other's back.

That's what's important.

Man, please. I had to.

That little thing outweighed your little a*s.

You know what?

It must be difficult for you,

Fighting a family member.

Baby, you know what?

This vacation proves one thing--

As long as the two of us together,

Nothing else matters.

You know that, right? I love you.

I love you, too.

I love you, baby.

As long as we love each other, martin,

We don't have to think about nothing.

I love it when you got your calm on.

Yeah?

I was a little frazzled earlier.

Don't worry about that

'Cause, hey, hey, we whipped that rodent's a*s.

Oh, don't mention that, baby.

I didn't mean to upset you.

'Cause, you know, I was hyperventilating.

I know, but it's gone. It's gone, o.k.?

All right.

Hey, it ain't coming back.

We together now.

Yeah.

Hey, we got to finish turning chilligan's out.

Ah, baby, you know what?

What?

This bed, though, to be perfectly honest,

Probably is the safest place

For us to be, you know?

Aah! Aah!