03x07 - Jonathan the Gymnast

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪]

♪ There's a time for love
And a time for living ♪

♪ You take a chance
And face the wind ♪

♪ An open road
And a road that's hidden ♪

♪ A brand new life
Around the bend ♪

♪ There were times
I lost a dream or two ♪

♪ Found the trail
And at the end was you ♪

♪ There's a path you take
And a path not taken ♪

♪ The choice is up to you
My friend ♪

♪ Nights are long
But you might awaken ♪

♪ To a brand new life ♪

♪ Brand new life ♪

♪ A brand new life
Around the bend ♪

[♪♪]

How's that letter coming?

I just finished it.

It's absolutely perfect.
Not one typo.

You know, mother...?

I've been thinking.
Uh-oh.

Cordially is too...cordial.

No, cordially is just
cordial enough.

No, we should make it
more sincere.

Sincerely.

Aw, you're probably right.
Cordial is fine.

Hey!

Swish! Two points.
Heh, heh.

You know the worst thing
about working for Angela?

The typing?

No, Angela.

C'mon now, Mona.
She's a great boss.

Tony, I'm taking a client
out to dinner

at the club tonight.
Could you go to the cleaners

and pick up my grey suit,
make sure the car has gas in it,

the battery has whatever you put
in it, and have it back by 5:30.

What a sl*ve driver.

Um, Mother, I need a copy

of the Brightview Lighting
Prospectus,

the media plan, and...

there's only one "D"
in dear.

Angela, you'd make fun of a
person with a typing impediment?

Oh!
[CHUCKLES]

Two for two here.
Hey, Angela, I think it's great.

I think it's great that
you're branching out, you know?

You have your own agency now,
you have your own office.

Why don't you work there?
Huh?

We do work there.
We work everywhere.

We work in the car,
on the way to the train,

we work on the train,
on the way to the office.

Yesterday, she followed me
into the ladies room

with a dictaphone.

I couldn't help it.
I got inspired.

Mother, Mother,
where are you going?

You have to finish
this letter.

Dear, Angela.

Take a hike.

Cordially, Mother.

Make that, "sincerely".

Hey, guess what today is?

Um, I'd say Tuesday, but I
always get the easy ones wrong.

It's report card day.

Hey.
Oh, I love
report card day.

He always comes home
with straight A's.

Makes me so proud.

Angela, aren't you putting
a little pressure on the kid?

What if he didn't get
straight A's?

You're right.
Um, sweetheart,

I want you to know that
the grades aren't important.

You tried your best
and that's what matters.

What did you get?
Straight A's!

[SCREAMING]
I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!

Hi, everybody.

Hi, Sam.
Honey, honey...

...don't you have something
to show me?

Oh, yeah, my new shirt.
I borrowed it from Marci.

Wow, it's very nice.
Heh, heh.

But I was thinking about
something else.

Hm...I wonder
what that could be.

Well, uh, let's see,
let me give you a hint.

It should have an
A in it.

If it had four B's and a C,
you'd be closer.

A "C"!
What did you get a C in?

Sex education.

C's good.

Oh, Mom, my teacher told me
to give you this.

Oh, letter from
the teacher.

Let's see what wonderful things
she has to say about you.

Oh, dear...

What's the matter?
Hey, what happened?

What? You get in a fight
on the playground, pal?

Uh-uh. I don't even go on
the playground.

Yeah, that's what your
teacher says.

She seems to think you're
a little too serious.

She seems to think that
an extra-curricular activity

would broaden your
horizons.

Hey, that's great.
That's a great idea.

You could join a team
after school.

You mean a sports team?

No, Angela, the 6 o'clock
news team.

Of course,
a sports team.

You know, fresh air,
exercise, urine test.

Let me see this.

All right, hey,
how 'bout softball?

I can't hit.

How 'bout soccer?
I can't kick.

Basketball?

You'd get stepped on.
I'd get stepped on.

Tony, he needs
to go out for something

he's going to be good at.

How 'bout chess?

There's a lot of
exercise in chess,

I mean, you could tap
your finger '

til the other guy
makes his move.

At least you never heard
of a serious chess accident.

[GROANS]
That's because you've never seen
chess played in Brooklyn.

See, this one time-- I remember
this guy, Morty Gunther, right?

He's sittin' on a stoop,
very intense chess game, right?

Just then a garbage truck
goes out of control,

hits a fire hydrant,
the fire pump shoots water

across the street.
Hits Morty right in the face.

Almost drowns him, and you say
chess isn't dangerous. Hah!

How 'bout gymnastics?

Gymnastics!
That's a good one.

You know, I seen you do a pretty
good roll the other day.

I know you tipped over Grover,
but you landed on your feet.

Huh? Almost.
Heh-heh-heh.

Tony, he's not cut out
for that kind of thing.

Angela, what do know
about gymnastics?

Well, I know it's usually
not done with a dog.

Aw, that's because

you've never seen
gymnastics

played in Brooklyn.

I remember this one time,
Sister Maria Pacifica, right?

Her habit and a Saint Bernard.
It was like--

Tony, may I speak to you
in the kitchen, please?

Jonathan, this is a great story.
I'll finish it when I get back.

What, what?

I don't think you should
be encouraging Jonathan

to take up
gymnastics.
Aw, Angela,

let me tell you something.
Is this about Brooklyn?

No, it's not
about Brooklyn.

But just about this time
little boys start falling

into two distinct
categories.

On your one hand, you got your
well-rounded, athletic kids.

And on the other hand?
There's Jonathan.

What is that
supposed to mean?

Don't get me wrong.
He's a great kid.

He's a great kid.
It's just that he's sort of...

Well, he's kinda...

Angela, he does extra credit
reports without being asked.

He's, he's
a self-starter.

He collects stamps.
He has an eye for detail.

He runs on his tiptoes.
So do I.

It's too late for you.

But there's still hope
for Jonathan.

What are you trying
to say?

Angela, please, sit down here.
Have a seat.

Now, look...

I didn't wanna have to be
the one to tell you this,

but are you familiar with
the term, "wimp"?

My son is not a wimp.

Hm, the mother's
always the last to know.

Why is it, because a boy is
well behaved,

intellectual, and a little
uncoordinated,

people call him a wimp?

'Cause that's
what wimp means.

Well, I refuse to accept that
kind of stereotyping.

By that standard one could say
that Einstein was a wimp.

Ah, did you ever see
him run, Angela?

I'm only kidding.

It's not that the kid
can't win a Nobel Prize,

but sports would be good
for him.

Well, what if it's not?

I mean, what if he can't
do it?

What if the other boys
laugh at him?
Oh...

What if he gets
athlete's foot?

Angela, that's all part
of growing up.

Give him a chance.
Hey, look,

he might surprise you.
You know, after all,

he does have one of the best
personal trainers in the field.

Who?

Me!
What do you mean, who?

I'm gonna train him.
This could be

a big turning point in
Jonathan's life.

Do you realize, with hard work
and dedication,

your son could
turn into...a jock.

All right, c'mon.
Four...

That's good, that's good,
that's good.

Five...
Ooh, great!

I think I can do
one more.

All right, all right.

TONY: Wow, terrific!
[JONATHAN GRUNTS]

All right, get out of here.

Whew! What a workout.
What's next?

Okay, I think we should
take a little break, here.

No, I wanna do chin-ups.

Oh, okay, chin-ups.
Here you go.

One...two...

Three, four, five.
I hate to see a kid suffer.

Knock, knock, knock.

Lady in the locker room.

Hey, Mom.

What are you doing here?

This is a guy place.

Well, I came to see
how my guy was doing.

Well, let me just tell you
about your guy.

He's making some big strides.
He's making some little strides,

but he's making a lot of them.
[LAUGHS]

Go ahead, show your mother
what I taught you.

[HOCKS A LOOGIE]
TONY: No, no, no!

Not that.
I meant the rings.

Uh, stand back.

TONY:
Alley oop!

All right.

Okay, remember now,

keep your balance
and your concentration.

Hold on to your shorts.

Oh, my God.
He's upside down.

He's supposed to be.

Well, then he's doing great.

Yeah, and now...
the grand finale--

A feat never before
performed without a big net

or a big
insurance policy.

--the flyaway dismount.

Oh! Oh!
Yup! Hey!

Oh, sweetheart!

Oh, oh, you were...

...you were wonderful.

I am so proud of you.

Yeah. Hey, Jonathan,
looked pretty good.

Pretty good?
He was perfect.

He was perfect. He's gonna be
the best gymnast on the team.

We're gonna trash
those twerps on Saturday.

That's locker room talk.

You wanna hear some more
Tony taught me?

Ah... Hah!
No, that's enough.

Did, uh, did you
say Saturday?

Yeah, yeah, that's when we're
taking on the Wilton Warriors.

[BOTH GRUNT]

[GIGGLING]
Oh, dear...

I have to be in Hartford
on Saturday.

It's our first meet.

Well, you know that I'd change
the meeting if I could,

but now that I'm on my own,
I just have to work

twice as hard to beat
the bigger agencies.

You understand,
don't you, honey?
No.

I understand, Mom.
Go get 'em.

You too, sweetheart.

You know what?

Even though I'm not
gonna be there,

you're gonna make me
so proud.

I know that Jonathan Bower's
gonna be the best gymnast there,

right?
Right!

Oh! Ooh!

Goodness,
you're all sweaty.

Yeah, and he smells too.

Aah!

I can't believe that I
have to spend Saturday afternoon

watching elementary school kids
stand on their heads.

Dad, it's so uncool.
[SIGHS]

What if someone sees me?

Oh, nobody will be
watching you.

They're all gonna be
looking at me.

[LAUGHS]

You're not
gonna be doing something

really embarrassin,
are you?

Of course not.
Just this...

MONA:
Yay!

[IN UNISON]
Twist and twirl, flip and run,

show those twerps we're
number one!

Go, Muskrats!

Maybe if I wore a ski mask

and left the country.
Aw, c'mon!

What? Are
you kidding me?

This is gonna be great.
All right, you got the pom poms.

Yeah.
I got the Gatorade
and the equipment bag.

We got everything.
Let's go.

C'mon.
Okay.

[IN UNISON]
Jonathan!

Are you guys
ready to go yet?
Yeah...

Hey, you're looking
pretty good there, champ.

My headband's kinda tight.

Oh, well, that's because
it's a wrist band.

A coach's work is never done.
Heh, heh. C'mon.

Tony?
Yeah.

Do you think
I'll do okay?

You're gonna do great,
are you kidding me?

[IN UNISON]
You're gonna twist and twirl,
flip and run,

show those twerps we're
number one!

Go, Muskrats!
Yay!

MONA:
Hit the car!

Okay, you're doing great,
just turn a little sideways.

No, not that far.

All right, come on in,
straight, straight.

Up... Here we go.

Here, okay,
watch your step, now.

All right, okay,
I got you.

Okay...
Aah!

No, no, no!

Well, does it hurt,
honey?

Only when I bump
into things.

[THUDS]
Oof!

I see what you mean.

Oh!

This is the worst.

What if my arm
stays like this?

Oh, c'mon, Jonathan.

Your shoulder' gonna be
good as new.

Hey, take a look at
this nose.

I broke this nose two times
and I could still smell.

Yeah, when I was a kid
I broke my finger--

I could still dial.

I once fractured
my pelvis.

And she can still dance.

That's right.
All night long.

[TONY GROANS]

Jonathan, would you like
some ice cream?

Well, how 'bout,
how 'bout a piece of cake?

Candy?

Cash?

Did they check
for head injuries?

I really messed up.

You didn't mess up, but why
would you do that hard dismount

that you'd never tried
before?

Well, I was behind
in points.

There was no other way
I could win.

You did a great
flip and a half.

You just landed
on the wrong half.

Yeah, you'd have
come out just fine

if you'd started
on your head.

Yeah!
And look at
the bright side.

You're all set if you wanna
make a right hand turn.

[GROANING, LAUGHING]

See? Things could be
a lot worse than they are.

Oh, God, yeah.
Yeah, sure.

ANGELA: I'm home.
[FRONT DOOR CLOSES]

Like now.

[GASPS]
Hi, Angela.

Heh, heh.

How'd it go?
Terrible.

I didn't
get the account.

Aw, are you kidding me?

You sent them dozens of letter,
you called them every day,

you drove all the way
up there on a Saturday,

you hounded them for weeks.
What happened?

They said I was
too pushy.

Go figure.
Yeah.

Well, I guess you win some,
you lose some.

Oh, how was the meet?

Well, you win some,
you lose some.

Oh, Jonathan lost.

Poor thing.

Yeah, well, that's
kinda the good news.

Well, he's all right,
isn't he?

Oh, yeah, he's fine.
Nothing to worry about...

now.

Huh? Where is he?
Well, he's in the kitchen,

but please let me explain
so that you don't go in and--

[ANGELA SCREAMS]

--do that.

My poor baby.
What happened?

What is this?

It's a piñata, Angela.

See, Angela,
he broke his shoulder,

but the doctor said
he's gonna be fine

and out of his cast
in six weeks.

Six weeks? Six weeks--

Do you know how long
six weeks is to a child?

Forty two days.

See, Angela?
After all he's been through

he still remembers
his multiplication tables.

Sweetheart, I want you
to tell me all the details.

Angela, I'm not so sure
you wanna hear this.

I know I don't.

The experts say that you should
not keep a traumatic experience

locked inside of you. Now, you
tell Mommy all the details.

Okay.

Well, I was doing this really
hard dismount

and I smashed
into the mat real hard

and I heard my bones crack
real loud.

It's like when you put the
chicken bones in the disposal...

[IMITATES CRUNCHING NOISES]

I-I see.

Well, the next thing I know
I'm on this metal table

and the doctor's sticking this
long skinny needle

all the way into me.

Mm-huh...

And then I wake up

and I look over
and I see the doctors

working on this guy
who must've been run over

by a steamroller

and there's all this gooey
and gushy stuff.

I think it was supposed
to be on the inside,

but it was on the outside.

Mom?

Yes, dear.

What do you think
the gooey stuff was?

[SAMANTHA GROANS]

See that? The experts say,
you're not supposed to keep

your lunch locked up inside.
Heh, heh!

Darling, it sounds like
a horrible experience.

Yeah, and then there was
this other guy--

Oh, why don't I take you
upstairs

so you can lie down?

I don't wanna lie down.

Well, I do.

Sweetheart, you go upstairs with
Grandma, I'll be up in a minute.

The doctor took care of you.
You're gonna be just fine.

Is there anything
you need?

A bigger watch band.

Follow that arm.

Well, all's well
that ends well--

Don't you even speak
to me.

You broke my child.

Oh, Angela, I know, I know
it's all my fault.

You were supposed
to look after him.

I know, I know.
I let him down...

real hard.

But look, I broke him,
I'll fix him.

I know exactly what
I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna drive him to the
doctor and take him to school.

I'm gonna carry his books,
and do his homework.

I'll even feed his lizards.

Not that big green one, though.
He's got a bad attitude. Ew!

You think that's gonna
make up for it?

All right, I'll feed
the green one too.

[SIGHS]

If you want me
I'll be out in the garage

looking for bugs.

Mother, Mother what are you
doing with the plant stand?

I had to have something
to prop up the kid's arm.

My poor baby.
Well, at least
he's got something

to hang his clothes
on now.

You know, I may just never
forgive Tony for this.

Tony?
Why, what did he do?

He talked me into letting
Jonathan do this.

He pushed him beyond
his limits.

He never should've let him
compete if he wasn't ready.

He was ready.
He just tried too hard.

Well, then he was just
too competitive.

Doing those flip things
and those half watchamabobs.

And we all know
who's fault that was.

Yeah, yours.

Mine?
I wasn't even there.

No, you were off in
Hartford

trying to beat out
the competitors,

trying to be the world's
best advertisingmabob.

What is that
supposed to mean?

Angela, who do you think
that Jonathan looks up to?

You.

Really?

Yeah, astounding, isn't it?

Look, Angela,

he sees that you always
have to be the best.

So he feels that he's always
got to be the best...

...so you'll be proud
of him.

Mother,

I would be proud of him
no matter what he did.

Well, don't tell me...

...tell him.

She already did.

Sweetheart?

Come here.

[THUDDING]
Oh, God.

Oh!

Jonathan...

you know...

sometimes...

we both
push too hard.

And that's not good
for either one of us.

You don't always
have to be the best...

...just happy,

and in one piece.

You understand what
I'm saying?

Yeah, but I wish you would've
told me yesterday.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Gotcha! Oh, oh...

Oh, hey...

Aw, hey, I'm really sorry
about that leg,

but you're not gonna need it
where you're going.

Hi.

What are you doing?

I'm looking for Mr. Goodbug.

I tucked Jonathan in.

Well, most of him.

How's he doing?

Oh, he's, uh,
he's fine.

I want to apologize.

It's not your fault
that Jonathan got hurt.

My son is driven
because I'm driven and...

...well, it's very clear
to me now.

Had a talk with Mona,
huh?
Yeah.

And from now on,
I'm not gonna be perfect,

and I'm not gonna expect
everybody around me

to be perfect.
Wow, wow, yes,

so that means
I can burn dinner?

Absolutely.

So then it's okay
for me to scratch the Jag?

Okay.
[LAUGHS]

And it's okay if I let
one of these spiders out

and he's crawling up
your leg?
Aah!

Just checking.
I got 'em all.

You know...?
[CHUCKLES]

I always wondered what it would
be like to go for the gold.

Oh, yeah?

Well, why don't you
hop up there and see?

Oh, no!

Tony!

I couldn't.
I'm not dressed for it.

I mean, besides, you need a net
or something, don't you?

Heh-heh-heh! You don't
need a net or something.

C'mon,
you'll be fine.
No, I...

Come on,
you wanna...

[BOTH LAUGH]

C'mon, c'mon,
take off your shoes.

C'mon.
Well...

All right, grab onto
those rings.
All right.

Okay, now remember,
just concentrate

when you're up there,
okay? Ready?

Alley oop!

Okay, all right.
Uh-huh.

Now, now, you got it?
Uh-huh.

You fine?
Uh-huh.

Okay, I'm tired,
I'm going to bed.

Tony!

Tony!
Tony, you come back!

One more thing...
Tony! Tony, no! Oh!

[♪♪]