03x09 - Forgive Me, Tony

[bunniefuu]

["BRAND NEW LIFE" PLAYING]

♪ There's a time for love
And a time for living ♪

♪ You take a chance
And face the wind ♪

♪ An open road
And a road that's hidden ♪

♪ A brand-new life
Around the bend ♪

♪ There were times
I lost a dream or two ♪

♪ Found the trail
And at the end was you ♪

♪ There's a path you take
And a path not taken ♪

♪ The choice is up to you
My friend ♪

♪ Nights are long
But you might awaken ♪

♪ To a brand-new life ♪

♪ Brand-new life ♪

♪ A brand-new life
Around the bend ♪

ANGELA:
Mm...

Angela,
you're such a pinch penny.

Mother,
I don't care what you say.

You simply cannot claim
having your legs waxed

as client entertainment.

You claim having
the office floors waxed

as a business expense.

Now, what brings in
more business?

Your floors or my legs?

Well, Mother,
if you look at it that way,

then I should pay for
your clothes, and your makeup.

And why not take a week
at a health spa

and charge it
to the Bower Agency?

Oh, thank you, dear.

See you Thursday.

Guess I told her.

Sam? Honey,
can I help you with that?

No, thanks, Angela.
I can do it myself.

It's just as well.

I probably
would have dropped it.

What--? What--? Excuse me.

What happened? You hurt?
Who fell?

Nobody, Dad.

Nobody fell?
No.

Samantha, I'd appreciate you
don't make that noise anymore

unless somebody's actually
falling down the stairs.

Tony, have you seen
my black pants?

Yes, they're downstairs
in the dryer.

Thank you.

What is going on here?

Nothing.
Oh.

[THUDDING]

Angela?

ANGELA:
Don't be mad, Tony.
I really did fall.

Oh, good.

Uh, are you okay?

ANGELA:
I'm fine. Thanks for asking.

[MUMBLES]

What's this thing?

It's all Bonnie's stuff.

Too bad it wasn't Bonnie.

Are you ki--?
Wai-- Whoa, whoa. Wai-- What--?

I thought you two
were best friends.

Dad, she chose someone else
to be her lab partner.

Oh, juvenile crime,
where will it end?

Ha. Very funny.

I got stuck
doing my chemistry project

with Mad Morris Pretorius.
Boy Genius.

He couldn't just do
the assignment.

He had to invent
new hand cream.

We flunked.

Samantha,
your hands are blue.

But incredibly soft.

This is all Bonnie's fault.
Heh.

I am never
going to forgive her.

Oh, come on.
I'm sorry--

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Oh, that's Bonnie.

I could tell
by the obnoxious ring.

Oh, come on.

Hi, Bonnie. How you doing?
Hi, Mr. Micelli.

Nice gloves.

Dad,
would you tell my former friend

that this is all the stuff
I ever borrowed from her,

and I would appreciate it
very much

if she would eat worms
and die?

As you may have heard-- Heh.

Thank you, and you can give
your daughter this.

Tell her
she's acting incredibly immature

and I never wanna see

her stupid, ugly,
putrid face again.

Ooh, ooh. It's great when
friends open up to each other.

[CHUCKLES]

Yeah? Well, if you
are gonna be like that,

then I'm taking back
the gray sweater I promised you.

You can't do that.
I already bought the skirt

to go with it.
Tough.

It's mine!
No, it's mine!

It's mine!
No, it's mine!

No, come on, girls. Come on.
Stop it. Stop it.

Hey, wait a minute,
it's mine.

I don't want that sweater.
It's all stretched out.

Yeah, sure.
Typical custody battle.

It's always the sweater
that suffers.

Goodbye, forever.

Forever
isn't long enough.

[SCOFFS]

I am never
going to speak to her again.

And I mean it.

Come on now, Sam.

You can't hold a grudge.

Let bygones be bygones.

Forgive and forget, baby.

Right, just like you always do,
right, Dad?

Well, I do.
That's the way I live my life.

Now,
what about Mickey Callahan?

Well, he's different.

He's swamp slime, heh.

Kidding me? After all the things
he's done to me in school. Pfft.

But anyway, Samantha,
we got together a few years ago.

We straightened
that thing out.

Oh, what did you say?

Well,
I didn't actually say anything.

It was more of a gesture.
Heh.

Just like a parent.

You tell your kid
to do something

and you can't even do it
yourself.

Oh, yeah, Samantha?
I can't do it?

I can do it, Samantha.
Watch.

I forgive him. Heh.

See, I fee--
It was easy.

And I feel so much better.
Heh.

Okay. I forgive Bonnie.

That's my girl.

You know what I think
you should do?

Give her a call. Go ahead.

You know, Dad, you are right.
I think I will.

Just as soon
as you call ol' Mick.

I can't believe this.

I can't believe I'm wasting
a perfectly good Saturday

playing host to old swamp slime,
Mickey Callahan.

You're making peace
with your past,

you're setting a wonderful
example for your daughter.

Have you seen the key
to the silver cabinet?

Angela, Angela, you don't have
to worry about the silver.

He was never into stealing.

His big thing
was beating people up.

Tony, come on.

The man can't be as bad
as you remember.

Oh, yeah?
He had a very violent temper.

Ooh. One time, he put a fist

right through
a plate glass window.

Oh, that must have hurt.

Yeah, it was my fist.

All because
I happen to mention

that he got left back
in kindergarten

and that he was a dog-faced
potato brain.

Some people are so touchy.
Unbelievable.

[SCOFFS]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

That's him, Angela.

I know this is a bad idea.

Tony, everything's gonna be
fine. I'm sure he's changed.

He's probably grown up to be
a perfectly respectable hit man.

[SCOFFS]

You're a priest.

Either that or I'm
hopelessly out of style.

[CHUCKLES]

Come on, come on, Mickey.

You're putting me on.

You know, I probably should've
told you over the phone,

but I had to see the look
on your face.

That one. Ha-ha-ha.

You weren't disappointed.
Come in.

No, not at all.

This was better
than when I put the cherry b*mb

in your lunchbox.

Heh, yeah.
Heh, heh.

Ah, what a little rascal I was.
Yeah, yeah.

That's what the DA said.
Come in, come in.

I want you to meet my boss.
This is Angela Bower.

Angela, this is Mickey--
Um...

Well, this is Father...

Father Mickey?

Mickey's fine.
Mickey's just fine.

Or you can call me
Your Sainted Holiness.

Oh, it's very nice
to meet you.

I've heard
so much about you.

All good I hope.

Oh, of course.

You wouldn't lie
to a priest now, would you?

Well,
I'm not really Catholic.

[TONY & MICKEY LAUGHING]

Come on. Sit down, sit down.
Yes, please.

[GASPS]
[SIGHS]

I'll tell you,

I did give Tony a tough time
when we were kids.

But that's all holy water
under the bridge.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

You know, I don't mean
to sound irreverent,

but how did this happen?

Isn't the priesthood
a little selective?

Well, you know the Church
has this thing

about redeeming sinners,

and I'll tell you the truth,
it wasn't easy.

I spent a lot of years
searching, questioning,

beating people up.

But I'll tell you,
through he grace of God,

and my parole officer,

I found my calling,
and now I've dedicated my life

to helping others.

What an inspirational story.

A wayward boy fighting his way
up from the streets

to become
a man of the cloth.

It would make
a wonderful miniseries.

You think
Richard Chamberlain's available?

[ANGELA & MICKEY CHUCKLING]

Hey, Dad, when do we got to see
old swamp slime?

Hi.

That's my daughter. Heh.

[♪♪♪]

[ALL LAUGHING]

Oh.
One of our better pranks.

Yeah. Well, technically,
it was a felony.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

We got away with m*rder.

[LAUGHING]

It's just a figure of speech,
Angela. Heh.

I knew that.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Hey,
I'll never forget the time

you put Alka-Seltzer
into the alter wine.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Yeah. I invented
the first wine cooler.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Hey, you know,

the nuns went and blamed me
for that.

Yeah, they did, but I don't want
anybody to worry

because I got even.

You beat up a nun?

No. No, no, no.

I stole his clothes out of his
locker after the big game.

[ANGELA CHUCKLES]

Wait a minute. That was you?

I shalt not lie. Heh.
TONY: Whoo.

Children can be so cruel.

Yeah, isn't it fun?

Wait a minute,
wait a minute.

You could've at least
left me with a towel.

I had to go home
wearing the Daily News.

Ha-ha-ha. That must have been
some subway ride home, huh?

Actually, nobody noticed.

Except this one lady.

She kept staring
at my business section. Ooh.

[ALL LAUGH]

Hey, come on,
we must be boring everybody here

with our stories.
Oh, not me.

Mom,
can I go to Catholic school?

[TONY & MICKEY CHUCKLE]

No.

I-- I mean,
we'll think about it. Heh.

Hey, Sam, I hope you can see

that two people can patch up
their differences

and become best of friends.

Right, Father? Heh-heh-heh.
I'm sorry.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Honey, doesn't that
make you wanna run out

and make up with Bonnie?

Yeah. As soon as she joins
a convent.

[TONY CHUCKLES]

Let me get some of this stuff
out of here.

Give you a hand.
All right.

Oh, Father, please,
you're our guest.

Oh, that's okay, Angela,

he's dedicated his life
to helping others.

[CHUCKLES]

Cleanse first that which
is within the cup and platter.

Mathew 23:26.

Oh, well, then, ye shall rinse
and I shall load.

Micelli... 8:52.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Yeah. You like that. I like it.
I like it.

[LAUGHING]

[TONY SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY
THEN LAUGHING]

Hey, Tony,

I'm really glad
we decided to get together.

Yeah.

I'll tell you,

it feels really good
to talk about old times.

You know, confession,
it's good for the soul.

But, hey, that's your gig.
Ha-ha-ha.

And I'll tell you,
it's very purifying too.

Wait'll you hear the one
about the eighth grade election.

Wait a minute.
Are you talking about the one

where I ran for president?

Yeah, remember
you put up that big poster

that said "Tony is a champ"?

Yeah, yeah, and somebody
came along and changed it

to "Tony is a chimp."

[LAUGHING]

[MIMICKING A MONKEY]

It was you, huh?

They called me Bonzo
for the rest of the year.

[LAUGHING]

I couldn't go anywhere
near the monkey bars.

[LAUGHING]

Pretty funny, huh?

Oh, what? Come on.

Don't tell me you didn't know
it was me?

Heh. To tell you the truth,
it never occurred to me

that you would come up
with something so clever.

[CHUCKLING]

What'd you mean by that?

Well...

I mean, it must have taken a lot
of thought,

and heaven knows,
that's not your strong suit.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

So, what are you saying?

I'm dumb?

No, I'd never say that.

But you don't get left back
in kindergarten

for being a genius. Heh.

Yeah, well, you know, I happen
to have a perfectly good reason

for that, my son.

You, uh...

You flunked sandbox? Heh.

Look, I wasn't dumb, okay.
On my records it just said

I happen to have some
underdeveloped social skills.

That's nun talk for dumb.
Heh.

You haven't changed,
have you?

You-- You know, because of you
I was taunted and ridiculed

all through school.

But only by the smart kids.
Heh.

Yeah, well, at least
I didn't walk on all fours.

Oh.

Well, here's your question.

When did you start
counting so high? Ha-ha-ha.

You know something?

Because of you I was called
every name in the book.

They called me stupid
and dum-dum

and melon head and...

A dog-faced potato brain.

[GRUNTS]

Come on, get up, banana breath!
What are you, a man or a monkey?

Get up!
What's going on?

Father.

TONY:
Ooh.

Tony, are you all right?

Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm fine.

He was...

He was just blessing
my face.

You hit him?

Well, now,
I don't know very much

about the priesthood,

but aren't you supposed
to be nice?

What--? What kind
of priest are you?

Apparently not much of one.

Wait, wait, wait.

Are you okay?
No.

I just ruined a priest.

Well, let me see.
Ow!

All right, all right.
I'll get some ice.

Good,
I'll need it where I'm going.

[SCATTING]

Okay, sweetheart.

What would you like
for breakfast?

Tony.

No, no, sweetheart.

Tony is sleeping late,

but I'll make you
anything you want.

You can have eggs Benedict
or eggs Florentine...

Egg McMuffin.

It's a good choice.

Bring one back for me.
Okay.

Oh, hi, Tony.
Hi, Jon.

Morning, Angela.

Uh, can I make you
some breakfast?

No, thanks, Angela,
I feel bad enough already.

I'll tell you, boy.
What kind of a person am I?

I mean, I-- I started out trying
to teach my daughter a lesson,

I end up ruining the life
of a man of God.

Oh, Tony, that could happen to
anyone.

So, do you really think
I can wear my skirt

with your polka dot sweater?

Yeah, it'll be
a great combination.

Just like us.
Aw.

Whoa, whoa, wait a minute.

Wait a minute here.
I thought you two

were never gonna speak
to each other forever.

It's been a whole week.

Yeah, Dad,
it's just like you said.

Let bygones be bygones.

I used to be so smart.

Dad, I hope you've learned
a lesson from all this.

The next time you call
a priest potato brain, duck.

Words to live by. Hmm.

SAMANTHA: See you later.
Bye, sweetheart.

Bye, girls.
SAMANTHA: Bye, Angela.

BONNIE:
Bye.

Come on, Tony,
don't be so down on yourself.

It's not your fault.

Come on. Now, World w*r II
wasn't my fault.

Candy Spinoza getting pregnant
wasn't my fault.

Probably.

But getting hit
my Mickey Callahan was my fault.

I provoked him.

Tony, he's a priest.

He should be able
to have self-control.

Angela, enough's enough.
Priests are just human.

That's why they got cold showers
in the rectory there, hey.

Well, he has a short fuse.

You know, if he hadn't hit you,
he might have hit someone else.

Maybe even a nun.

Yeah. Heh.
Although, she'd hit him back.

Heh.
Yeah.

And he'd have deserved it.

What kind of a priest is he
anyway?

Yeah.

[PHONE RINGING]

Mickey Callahan,
man of the cloth. Ha.

I've got socks holier than him,
huh.

Hello.

Yes.

No, we don't.

It's about Father Callahan.

Tell them
to call Dial-A-Prayer.

Last rites?

Oh, God, I k*lled him.

Father Callahan didn't die.
It was Ed O'Shaunessey.

Oh, good. I mean, not good.

Who's Ed O'Shaunessey?

Some guy who died.

They couldn't find
Father Callahan for last rites.

Can I have the phone,
please?

Hey, look, pal--

Oh, Your Eminence.

Excuse me.

Ah. Yeah, well, I'm sorry

that Father Callahan
didn't make Ed's last rites

Or the orphans' picnic.

Oh, and tonight's the senior
citizens' spaghetti dinner, huh?

Well, I'm sorry about that--

Well, sure, I know how to make
spaghetti. Are you kidding me?

I'm Italian.
Yeah, my name's Tony Micelli.

Yeah.

I am the one who put the
Alka-Seltzer in the altar wine.

What a memory.

Yeah, well, I guess
I do owe you one there, Father.

Okay, see you later.

Well, Angela, looks like
we're making spaghetti

for the senior citizens.

Oh, I'll make the sauce.

I've got a great recipe

right here.
Angela, Angela, Angela.

These people
are old enough already.

We don't want this to be
their last supper. Come on.

Father Callahan
has never been this late before.

He'd better get here soon.
I have to eat.

What's the rush, Ralph?

You've got a hot date
after supper?

After supper, after Ted Koppel,
and after breakfast.

Oh, excuse me, folks.

Is this where
the spaghetti dinner is?

Yeah, but you're not senior
citizens,

and you can't have
any of our food.

[TONY CHUCKLES]

No, no. We're not here to eat,
sir.

We're here to cook you

an authentic
Italian spaghetti dinner.

Where's Father Callahan?
Who are you?

And who's the tomato?

Oh, ha.

Well, thank you.

I'm Angela Bower.

What are you doing
after Ted Koppel?

He talks big,

but he hasn't scored
since the shuffleboard match

of '79.

You ought to know.

Don't change the subject.

I want to know what happened
to Father Callahan.

He is all right, isn't he?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's fine. He's--

He's never been stronger.

But something important came up,
and he couldn't make it.

What's more important
than spaghetti?

Bran.

Nobody cooks
like Father Callahan.

It's not just his cooking.

He listens to us,
he helps us out.

He's our friend.

And he's not a bad
little dancer.

He taught me
to play racquetball.

And he doesn't throw
the game. Heh.

I have to beat him
fair and square.

And he offered me
his kidney.

I don't know why.
I don't have kidney trouble.

This doesn't sound
like the Mickey Callahan

you had a fight with.

No, no--

You had a fight
with Father Callahan?

[CHUCKLES]

Thank you, Angela.

Oh, no, Tony.
Don't worry about it.

I'll straighten
everything out.

You see, it all started

when Tony and Father Callahan
were friends in school.

Well, they weren't
exactly friends.

You see, in those days
Tony was a little devil,

and Father Callahan
wasn't a holy man.

As a matter of fact,
he was more like a holy terror.

Well, that was just because
he was sensitive

about being left back
in kindergarten.

You know, I always thought
he was little slow

calling out
those bingo ba*ls.

And then, uh, Samantha,
that's Tony's daughter,

had a fight with her friend.
Tony wanted to set an example--

Angela, Angela, Angela, could we
please get on with this?

Then, wham! He hit him.

You hit a holy man?

[GRUNTS]

No, I hit him.

Well, that's settled.
Let's eat.

Oh.

Hey, Mick.

Father Callahan?

I've come to say goodbye.

RALPH:
What?

I'm not fit
to lead this parish.

You can't leave.

Tony, talk to him.
Mick. Mick, wait a minute.

Look, I have no choice.

I was given a test last night,
and I failed.

Yeah, we heard,
you weren't much of a student.

Tony, listen to me.

What happened last night
between us

made me realize
I haven't changed.

I'm still Knuckles Callahan,
the Brooklyn Bully.

And you're always gonna
be that to me,

but not to these people.

Now, come on, wait a minute.

Hey, take a look
at those faces.

Come on,
they depend on you, Mick.

They need you.

The orphans need you.

Ed O'Shaunessey--

Well, he doesn't need you
anymore, but--

But a lot of people
need you.

Yeah. Who's gonna absolve me
of all my sins?

You wish.

What about me?

What at if my kidneys go?
You're carrying my spare.

And, Father, may I point out
that if you leave this parish,

this man is gonna
feel guilty forever.

MICKEY:
Hmm.

That's tempting.
Tsk, pfft.

I don't know.

I'm just so confused.

[SIGHS]
If I only knew what
his plan was for me.

If I only had a sign.

Hey, Father.

Where do you want me
to put this sign?

That's it. It's a sign.

Yeah, I suppose it is.

He's all-knowing

and he's got
a sense of humor too.

Are you staying,
Father Callahan?

What do you say, Mick?

Yeah.

[CHUCKLING]

You know, Tony,
I gotta tell you.

Job was tested by plague,
and pestilence and boils,

but he never had to deal
with you.

[CHUCKLING]

Oh, well, you know, you're not
romping the Red Sea yourself.

[CHUCKLING]

Isn't this wonderful.
Well, you're no--

Two old friends
reunited.

I think after spaghetti
we should all go out

and talk about old times.
Ah.

Hold it here, Angela.

I mean, now that
the Father and I--

The good Father and I
are so close,

I think we can agree
on one thing.

That, uh, we shouldn't
see each other anymore.

You're a wise man there,
Tony Micelli. Heh.

That's why I made it
through kindergarten

on the first try.

[TONY CHUCKLES]
[MICKEY GRUNTS]

Bless you. Bless you.

[MICKEY CHUCKLES]

Look,
here's a very nice sweater.

Now, why is Tony
giving this one away?

Heh. It's a victim
of teenage violence.

Mother,
it's all stretched out of shape.

Hmm.
Not stretched out of my shape.

Should we take
this stuff out now?

No, I think we should wait
for Tony.

He's still cleaning out
Mom's closet.

Well,
I'm a very careful shopper.

There's nothing in my closet
to give away.

JONATHAN:
Mm.

[GRUNTS]

What happened?
Who fell?

[BOTH PANTING]

Heh. Nobody. Ha, ha.

You scared the living daylights
out of us.

Oh, sorry.

Dad, don't you ever make
that noise again

unless you've actually
fallen down the stairs.

Well,
I'm very sorry ladies.

[SCREAMS]

["BRAND NEW LIFE" PLAYING]