03x10 - Spud Micelli

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

♪ There's a time for love
And a time for living ♪

♪ Take a chance
And face the wind ♪

♪ An open road
And a road that's hidden ♪

♪ A brand new life
Around the bend ♪

♪ There were times ♪

♪ I lost a dream or two ♪

♪ Found the trail ♪

♪ And at the end was you ♪

♪ There's a path you take
And a path not taken ♪

♪ The choice is up to you
My friend ♪

♪ The nights are long
But you might awaken ♪

♪ To a brand new life ♪

♪ A brand new life ♪

♪ A brand new life
Around the bend ♪

Ooh! Ooh, nice shot there,
champ.

Yeah? Check this out.

Hey, oh.
Two points.

Yeah, and 12 scrambled eggs.

Wait until you hear
what happened to me.

You're not gonna guess this
in a million years.

You got asked to go out
for the girls' basketball team.

How'd you know that?

Well, uh,
I see you practicing here,

I'm intuitive.

Besides, I ran into your coach
down at the market.

Did, uh, she tell you anything
about Todd?

Uh-uh.
Good. Then guess what else.

He's going out
for the boy's team.

How'd you know that?
Well, I'm intuitive.

Besides, his mother
was at the market too.

It's double coupon day.

It's gonna be so great.

We'll be the perfect couple.

And he looks so cute
in his shorts.

I've seen him play tennis.

You, uh,
you need some help?

Yeah,
get out of the way.

Try and get past me.

Samantha, I do not have--
Hey.

Keep working on that, baby.

Hey, what do you say, Angela?
Hi.

Ooh, you're never gonna guess
what happened to Sam.

Oh, you mean about her and Todd
going out for basketball?

I deserve that.

Yeah, she's a shoe-in
to make the team.

My little "Spud" Micelli.

Spud?

You nicknamed her
after a potato?

No, Angela, after the smallest
pro basketball player.

She plays his game, you know.
She's got-- She's got quickness,

she's got smarts,
and more bounce to the ounce.

Thank you.

You know, Mone,
you never miss a cue.

Mother,
did you hear about Samantha?

No.
You haven't heard anything about

her boyfriend, Todd, either?
No.

Ooh, I love this woman.

Unless it's the old news
about her and Todd

going out for basketball.

Damn.

Tony, you must be very proud
of Samantha.

Proud? Are you kidding me,
Angela?

I've been waiting a long time
to see Micelli

on the back of a jersey again.

Ooh,
maybe she'll get my old number.

Wouldn't it be great?
Oh.

I've always enjoyed
competitive athletics.

That's true.

I remember the night
you knocked yourself out

bobbing for apples.

The water
was very shallow.

Actually, I was quite skilled
in one sport.

Yeah, well,
shopping doesn't count.

[LAUGHING]

That's very funny.

I'm talking about
miniature golf.

Excuse me, Angela,
but, you know,

with all due respect,
that's not a real sport.

Well, it's a miniature sport.

Maybe we should
play some time.

Me and you? Come on, Angela,
get real. Get real.

You know, I used to hit a ball
into the bleachers,

not into the clown's nose.

You're not afraid,
are you, Tony?

Me, afraid of playing you?

Ha.

Okay,
how about Saturday?

You got it.

The duel is set.
High noon, Putts 'R' Us.

Oh, what a great workout.

My fadeaway jumper
was really falling.

Boy, some days you just can't
miss. At least I couldn't.

I was really off today.

You know, it must have been
my biorhythms.

No, I think
it was your hook shot.

Um, has your dad ever checked
the height on that hoop?

It seemed kind of low.

No, it's regulation.

I just think
you're not releasing

at the height of your jump.

Gee, thanks, coach.

It's so major
we have this in common.

We're both gonna be
basketball stars.

Hey,
you want something to eat?

No, thanks, we've got food
at home. See you.

What an attitude.

Well, that's what makes him
so cool.

What a beautiful day
for miniature golf.

The air is so crisp.

The trees make lacy silhouettes
against the sky.

Oh, life is wonderful
when you're a winner.

Oh, I hope you don't mind me
going on like this.

Oh, of course not, Angela.

I mean, everybody deserves
their moment of glory.

You've had an hour and a half.

Okay, okay, I will not mention
miniature golf again.

I'll just...putter around
the house.

Oops.

Sorry.

That's it. It's over. Really.

Hi, guys. What's going on?

I beat him by 14 strokes.

She asked.

No, she didn't.

Dad, you lost to Angela?

Oh, come on, Sam.
What, are you kidding me?

There's a perfectly logical
explanation for this, you know.

I mean, uh, I never played
that game before, and--

And they make those clubs
for little hands,

and I don't think that
clown's nose was regulation.

But, hey,
I ain't making excuses.

At least
not very good ones.

Why does it bug you so much
that you lost?

It doesn't bug me
that I lost.

It bugs him that he lost to me,
a mere woman.

That's not true, Angela.
That's not true.

Fact, I enjoyed it.
It was quite relaxing,

playing a game that requires
absolutely no skill.

Maybe we could play again
sometime.

I'm free
next Saturday.

Well, my schedule's clear.

Shall we call it a rematch?

You know, Angela,
why don't we just call it

a nice Saturday afternoon
diversion?

Why don't we call it
your day of reckoning?

[CLICKING TONGUE]

I-- I hope you don't mind
me saying this, Angela,

but you know this
competitive stuff,

it does strange things
to your face.

You know, it brings out
all these lines and veins.

Frankly,
it hurts your femininity.

You're dead meat,
sucker.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

Jonathan, could you knock off
the breathing here, please?

Sorry.

[INHALES]

[SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]

It's a mere bag of shells,
a mere bag of shells.

This game is easy. All it takes
is a little concentration,

a little relaxation.

Jonathan,
you're turning blue.

Oh, you can breathe.
[EXHALES]

Gosh,
golf is a tough game.

Oh, hi, Tony.

Hi, Mona, what are you
doing home so early?

Oh, we found a dead mouse
in the office.

Oh, so then, you're taking
the rest of the day off, huh?

I guess you two
were pretty close?

[CHUCKLES]

Hey, uh, where's Angela?

She made me swear
not to tell you.

Come on.

Okay,
I can't take it anymore.

She's practicing
miniature golf.

Are you kidding me?

I can't believe she's taking
this game so seriously.

Oh, some people, huh?

ANGELA:
Hi.

Hi, Angela, hi.
Busy, busy, busy, you know,

giraffe cleaning day, heh.

Uh, how was
your afternoon off?

Oh, fine. Chores, errands,
this and that.

Oh, yeah, well, I heard about

finding that dead mouse
at your office.

That must have really...
teed you off.

These things happen.

Oh, yeah, well, that's--
That's par for the course.

You promised not to tell him!

He forced it out of me.

Hi, everybody.
Hi, Samantha.

Oh, oh, oh, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait.

How'd the tryouts go?

Okay.

What do you mean, okay?
What number did you get?

I, uh, didn't get a number.

You didn't get a number?
Everybody gets a number.

Not if
you're not on the team.

Not on the team?

Oh, Sam.
I'm sorry, honey.

It's no biggie.

It's no biggie?
It's a big biggie.

What, are you kidding me?

You got that great
fadeaway jumper,

you dribble rings
around everybody.

I'm calling that coach.

You can't.
Why not?

Her number's
unlisted.

All right, then I'm going down
to her office.

Her office is unlisted.

Samantha, I gotta find out
why she cut you.

She didn't cut me, Dad.

I didn't go out for the team.

Come on, Sam,
what's going on?

Why didn't you go out
for the team?

Well, you know basketball,
it, uh, wrecks your nails.

Oh, yeah, yeah, that drives
Kareem crazy. Come on, Sam.

Okay, it's...

because of Todd.

He didn't make the team,
and I was afraid

he couldn't handle it
if I did.

Well, hard cheese, Todd.

Are you kidding me or what?

Who cares
if he can handle it or not?

Hey, you belong on that team,
and it's important to you.

But Todd's more important.

Oh, well...

Well. Well, then,

maybe we're not giving Todd
enough credit here.

You know, guys of today, hey,

we're open-minded there,
you know?

I mean, we don't have to be
better than women at everything.

Just miniature golf.

Yeah, Dad,
you're a great one to talk.

You nearly split a seam
when Angela clobbered you.

Hold it,
she did not clobber me.

She didn't-- You didn't--

See, the problem is, Dad,

Todd's just not
as open-minded as you are.

I might've lost a little
credibility there, you know.

Little bit.

Sam?

I know, I should keep
my own identity.

I shouldn't subjugate myself
to a man, because if do,

I'll end up resenting him
and hating myself.

That's very wise.
That's very insightful.

I heard it
on Oprah Winfrey.

Well, I wish she'd been around
when I was in college.

I was, uh, I was dating a fellow
who looked a little bit like,

oh, what's his name? Uh...

Rob Cruise?

You mean Rob Lowe?
No, no, no, the other guy.

Tom Cruise?
Do you still know him?

No.

Anyway...

We were both trying to get into
the honors exchange program.

And, uh, I knew
he wasn't going to make it.

And I didn't want to lose him,

so I purposely blew the exam.

What happened?

I didn't get to spend my junior
year in France is what happened.

Well,
at least you got the guy.

No, I didn't. He dumped me.

For some hot little babe?

[CHUCKLING]
No. No.

For a girl
in the honors program.

Boy, Angela,
you really blew it.

Yeah.
You keep that in mind.

Samantha, uh, look,

I-I want you to reconsider
this basketball thing.

You know, now, I may have set
a bad example out there, but--

But this competition thing
between me and Angela,

hey, h*, hey,

it's nothing
but a friendly rivalry.

I mean, hey, if I win, fine.

And if I win?

Even finer.

All I'm saying is, it's not
gonna affect our friendship.

Thanks, guys,
I'll think about it.

Tony,
that was very sensitive

and understanding
and liberated.

And painful.

Okay, come on, Angela.
Let's tee off.

Just a minute.

Wh-- Where'd you get that?

Oh, this? Just a little present
I bought for myself last week

after I won.
It's monogrammed. See?

I see, I see.

Oh, Tony, don't let this
psych you out.

It's just a friendly
little game.

Please, go ahead.

Oh, no, I insist,
ladies first.

Tony.
Oh!

That's such an old-fashioned
attitude, right?

And you know me,
I'm an '80s kind of guy.

Oh, that cake was great,
Sam.

Thanks. I had my dad make it
just for you.

Aww, you shouldn't have gone
to so much trouble.

Oh, oh,
I was thinking.

Friday, after school,
you wanna go ice skating?

Sounds great, Todd, but I think
I might be busy Friday.

Busy? Hey, I thought we had
a commitment here.

Well, I'm kind of getting
together with some of the girls.

Oh. Oh, well,
that's okay then.

Some of the, uh,
taller girls.

For basketball practice.

I thought you decided
not to go out for the team.

Well, I kind of re-decided.
And I made it.

[SCOFFS]
You did?

[CHUCKLING]
The starting team.

Oh, right.

Girl's basketball.

Now what is that
supposed to mean?

Well, you can't exactly take
something like this seriously.

Oh, do they give you time-out
so you can do your hair?

That's it. Let's go.

Where?

Outside.
We're going one-on-one.

Come on, Sam.
Don't do this to yourself.

In your face.

Let's go.

Ha.

You take it out first.

Two points. Loser's out.

[♪♪♪]

All right. All right, Angela.

Okay, this is it.

The score is tied.

This is the last hole.

The whole match
rests on this one.

You feeling the pressure?

I thrive on pressure.

I like living on the edge.

Five bucks on the lady.

Ooh. All right.

[EXHALES]

Nice shot.

I know.

I know.

Tony, you know the game
is getting very close.

There could be a tie.
Oh, no. Oh, no.

No such thing as a tie.

We play till somebody wins.
It's called "sudden death."

Then get ready to die.

Are you watching?

TONY:
Oh.

All right.

All right, Angela,
that's it, you know.

If you miss this,
I win.

But I know
you're not gonna miss this

because you're a pro
and pros never:

[IMITATES CHOKING]

What the--?

Angela,
there's people waiting here.

The artificial grass
isn't evenly carpeted.

I'll call Monsanto.

[EXHALES]

Would you take the shot
already?

TONY:
Ooh!

Ooh!

Oh!

Tough break.

Pay up, kid.

You okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.
I'm fine.

Look,
when did you get so good?

I've always been good.

You know, you hit a couple
of nice buckets too.

It's just that your fadeaway
really hurt you.

All you need
is more wrist.

Yeah, well,
it's sore from tennis.

Tennis,
that's really my game.

Oh, I love tennis.
Maybe we could play sometime.

Oh, I don't think so.

Um...

Look, I'd better just go.

The season opener's
in three weeks.

Are you gonna come
and watch me?

You know, I think
I might be busy that night.

What time's the tip-off?

Eight o'clock.

Hey, Todd, what do you say?

What's with Todd?
He looks a little beat up.

Well,
I just gave him the bad news.

The bad news?

I went out for the team
and made first string.

Oh!
That's my girl.

I knew you could do it.
She was born dribbling.

And guess what?

I got your number.
ANGELA: Oh.

Forty-two.

My number's 24.

I'll...wear it inside out.

Oh.

Congratulations, honey.

Thanks, Angela.

You know, your Rob Cruise story
really helped me.

Hey. Hey, how do you like
that there, Angela?

Looks like you really
came through.

Too bad I had to destroy you
out there on the old links.

Uh, Dad, you won?

Oh, yeah,
well, what can I say?

It was a great day for
the Micellis.

But Angela-- Angela's taking
this like a real sport.

I mean, especially since
she missed such an easy putt.

And she never misses those.

h*, hey.

Hey, h*.

You didn't let me win,
did you?

Why would I do
a thing like that?

Who knows
why women do anything.

But did you?

Of course not.
You are a big, strong man,

and you beat weak,
little me.

[CHUCKLES]

Even when they lose,
they win.

Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Oh, boy!
Oh, boy!

What a way
to start the season!

Here she is,
the star of the game.

Hey, the queen of the courts,
her highness of hoops,

the damsel of dunks.

Dad, this is
really embarrassing.

Can you put me down?
Oh, yeah.

Can I have your autograph,
Spud?

Sure, go get me a Coke.

Hey, kid.

You can hang this up.

Gee, thanks.

Hey, Spuddo. Oh.

Did you bring that crowd
to their feet or what, huh?

I heard Todd yelling louder
than anyone.

[CLEARING THROAT]

Well, almost anyone.

Are you going out
with Todd tonight?

Well, not tonight.

Oh, what happened?
Is Todd history?

I don't know,
we'll see.

I just want to keep
my options open.

Oh, well. Ooh,
that's my little free agent.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

There's my option
for tonight.

Oh, well, let's check
this dude out, huh?

Hi!
You Samantha's dad?

Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Come-- Come on in.

Uh, watch your head.

SAMANTHA: Hi.
Hi.

[♪♪♪]