03x12 - The Way We Was

[bunniefuu]

["BRAND-NEW LIFE" PLAYING]

♪ There's a time for love
And a time for living ♪

♪ You take a chance
And face the wind ♪

♪ An open road
And a road that's hidden ♪

♪ A brand-new life
Around the bend ♪

♪ There were times ♪

♪ I lost a dream or two ♪

♪ I found the trail ♪

♪ And at the end was you ♪

♪ There's a path you take
And a path not taken ♪

♪ The choice is up to you
My friend ♪

♪ Nights are long
But you might awaken ♪

♪ To a brand-new life ♪

♪ Brand-new life ♪

♪ A brand-new life
Around the bend ♪

[♪♪♪]

ANNOUNCER [OVER RADIO]:
And as the blizzard rages on,

several more schools have
announced they'll be closed.

Stonington, Greenfield,
Westport...

Oh, come on, Fairfield!

...West End, Hurblutt,
Norwalk and Cranbury,

and that brings us
up to the minute.

Oh, gee, that's too bad.

Now you're going to have
to go out and learn.

Now wait, kiddies,
here's one more.

All right.

All public schools
will be closed in Southport...

and Fairfield.

All right!

Yeah, no school!

Yay! Somebody to shovel
the walk.

Oh, Dad, I'd really like to,
but it just wouldn't be right.

A blizzard is God's way
of saying goof off.

Hey, Jonathan, how about some
more hot chocolate there, pal?

No, I think
we'd better save it.

We might get stuck here,
run out of food

and have to eat
each other.

Oh, well, you know,
you can't eat me.

I'm the cook.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Oh, close that door.

Jeez. Welcome, Nanook.

Would you like
some hot chocolate?

Oh, that sounds great.
Just pour it over me.

Oh, Mother, hi.
I'm glad you're here.

I think we should get started
for the train a little early.

Angela, haven't you heard?

The trains are not running.
We can't get to work.

What are we going to do?

Well, Angela, I haven't
thought this out completely,

but as I see it,
we won't take the train

and we won't go to work.

[CHUCKLES]

But that's only a theory.

Oh, no.

I can see today's
going to be a total waste.

Oh, no, it's going
to be great.

There's a TV and a stereo.

There's always a girl's
best friend.

[SHRIEKS]

What? What?

My best friend is dead.

Oh!

Oh, this is a nightmare.

Oh, come on, come on.

Boy, you guys are a bunch
of grumpsters.

Are you kidding me? Come on.
We'll have a great time here.

Hey, how often do we get
to spend a day together, huh?

We'll light a cozy fire, huh?
We'll tell juicy stories

and we'll roast
some marshmallows.

Oh, it sounds good to me.

[LAUGHS]

Juicy stories?
Juicy stories?

Marshmallows?

Ooh...

Mm-hmm. Do I know
this family or what?

Psst! Oh, I got one.

[LAUGHS]

Mom, don't you have
to be related to be a family?

Well, not necessarily,
sweetheart.

See, families are people
who share each others' lives

and care about each other,
the way that we do.

Yeah, Jonathan,
you're such a jerk.

Oh, isn't that beautiful?

She couldn't be
any more rotten to him

if he was her real brother.

[LAUGHS]

You know, I think it was a real
stroke of genius

the way I brought
this family together.

Oh, wait a minute now.

I'm the one who charmed you
into hiring me.

Yeah, but I'm the one that
delivered you to her doorstep.

Yeah, but I'm the reason
Mom needed help.

Yeah, but I'm the reason we left
Brooklyn in the first place.

Don't you remember, Dad?
Yeah, I remember.

We were living in that little
apartment on Pitkin Avenue.

Hey, it wasn't
that little.

I had my own bedroom.

So did I.

[LOUD CLANGING]

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

Okay. Okay.

Dad, it's not the clock,
it's the pipes.

Samantha, do you have to turn on
the faucet so early?

Sorry, Dad, I just had this
craving for rusty water.

[BAT SMASHING]

[PIPES STOP CLANGING]
[SIGHS]

Samantha, drink milk.
It's good for you.

It's got calcium,
and it's quieter.

Whoa, whoa, wait a minute.
What's that on your face?

A nose?

I'll give you a nose.

I'm talking about
that shiner.

That wasn't there when I got
home from work last night.

Yes, it was,
but when you got home from work

I was already in bed
with the lights out.

Pretty smart, huh?

Oh, yeah.
Pretty smart.

Another fight, huh?

Let me put
some ice on that.

No, that'll take
the swelling down.

I want it to look cool
for the kids in class.

Oh. Well, does that mean
you're going to school today?

Dad, I always go to school.

You always go to school, yeah?
Yes.

What about this note I got
from the teacher yesterday?

"Please give Samantha
my deepest condolences

"on the untimely m*rder-suicide
of her favorite aunt and uncle.

"Perhaps you could make
an appointment to see me

when the two of you get back
from the funeral in Topeka."

Samantha,
I cannot believe this.

You think Cleveland
would have been better?

I don't like
what I'm hearing from you.

You know, you're starting
to sound like one of them kids

they do after-school specials
about.

Oh, Dad, come on.

I really think you're taking
this father thing too seriously.

I am no different than any other
kid on the block.

Yeah, well,
maybe that's the problem.

Maybe we should move.

I mean, you know,
some place green

with lots of fresh air
and room to run.

Shea Stadium?

No, wisenheimer.
Better than that.

Listen to this.

Last week I delivered
a truckload of salmon

to this country club
in Connecticut.

Oh, you should have seen it
up there.

Holy mackerel, oh!

It was beautiful.

Quiet streets, picket fences,
no graffiti.

I like graffiti.

What else are you
supposed to read

while you're waiting
for the subway?

There is no subway there.

The people live above ground,
in the sun.

I'm happy here.
Aren't you?

Yeah, I guess so.

I mean, hey, driving
a fish truck ain't so bad, huh?

I just wish
I could find a job

where I'd get to spend
more time with you

and not so many cats following
me home at night.

Sounds rough,
but it was a bed of roses

compared to life
under the Third Reich.

Yeah? What do you mean
by that?

Well, Angela's housekeeper
was Hitler's sister.

Yeah, if you looked real close

you could see
a little black mustache.

[ALL LAUGH]

Come on, come on.

She wasn't that awful.

Angela, it was a reign
of terror.

She turned your son into
a quivering mass of Jell-O.

That's how it happened.

[LAUGHS]

Ah. Greetings, Frau Hiller.

You again.

Don't you have a home?

Yes, but it's much
too pleasant.

So I thought I'd come here
for some abuse.

You live like a pig.

Oh, thank you.

Where's Jonathan?
He's in the kitchen.

But stay away from him.
I just cleaned him.

Well, I'd love to say and chat,
but I don't like you.

What's not to like?

Knock-knock.

Who's there?
Orange.

Orange who?

"Orange" you glad
I'm not Mrs. Hiller?

[GROWLS]
[LAUGHS]

Ah! Oh, no! Oh!

She'll k*ll me!

Oh, Jonathan.

We don't worry
about old Mrs. Hiller.

I'll handle her.

Oh, no, Grandma,
I love you too much.

[LAUGHS]

Everybody out.
I've got to start dinner.

What's that?

It's, um...

Confess.
It'll go easier on you.

No, no, Jonathan.

No, I can't allow you
to take the rap for me.

I spilled the juice
on him.

I don't believe that.

Okay, I poured it on him.

Oh, no!

Hi. Oh, good afternoon,
Mrs. Hiller.

Jonathan, did you spill
grape juice on your shirt?

No, no.

I poured it on him.

She's lying
to protect the boy.

Did you hear that?

She accused your mother
of lying.

Are you going
to stand for that?

[LAUGHS]

Well, uh, Mrs. Hiller,

you see, actually, my mother has
been known to tell the truth.

You think a grown woman would
pour grape juice on someone?

I find that
hard to believe.

Ah!

[HILLER GASPING]

Well, I'm convinced.
What's for dinner?

That's it.
Either that tr*mp goes, or I go.

Mrs. Hiller,
that tr*mp is my mother.

You know, I don't want
to say anything,

but I can't believe how lucky
you were that I came along.

We were both lucky.

There you were in Brooklyn,
looking for a better life

for your daughter,

and here I was
in Connecticut,

looking for somebody
to run my house

and help raise my son,

and bring some joy
back into my...

kitchen.

[BOTH LAUGH]

So how did we get Tony
to be our housekeeper?

See, now what happened was...

[PHONE RINGS]
Oh, it's working now.

Hey!

Hey, hey, hey.

Hello.

Yeah, yeah, hang on, hang on.
Hold on.

Sam, it's Bonnie.

She says she's got
some very hot news.

Tell her
I'll call her back.

ALL:
What?

Well, I want
to hear this.

Sorry, Bon, she's gonna
have to get back to you.

Okay, bye.

Come on, Mona,
help me get some goodies.

Hey, what about the story?

Don't go away,
we'll be right back.

ANGELA:
You heard what he said.

We'll be right back.

Here we come, here we go,
here we go.

Tony, I made you
some marshmallows.

Oh, well, thank you, Jonathan.

Did you get that recipe
from your mother?

[ALL LAUGH]

Okay, we're all here.

Come on, Mone,
tell us how you found Dad.

In pretty good shape.

[LAUGHS]
Hey.

Actually, he was in the lobby
of my apartment building,

and I, um...
I kind of ran into him.

[BICYCLE BELL DINGING]

Oh!
Whoa!

[LAUGHS]

Hey, nice catch.

Thanks, lady.

I've always been good
at catching curves.

Hey, do you happen to know
which is the owner's apartment?

Oh, yeah, 405.
Oh, thanks.

Are you applying
for the manager's position?

Yeah.
Oh.

Well, you're going to love
managing this building.

And we're going to love
being managed by you.

Oh, well, thank you.
That's nice of you to say.

But I wish I could convince
my little girl of that.

See, I want her
to move out of Brooklyn.

She don't want to go,
you know?

But I want to move
to a better neighborhood,

get a better education,

because these are the most
important years of her life.

And why am I telling this all
to a stranger?

Yeah, I have that kind of face.

It makes people
bare their souls.

Et cetera.

So, what about your wife?

I mean, does she want
to move from Brooklyn?

Well, I'm widowed.

Oh, gosh. I'm sorry.

Gee, raising your little girl
all by yourself

must be an awfully
tough job.

Well, I'm awfully good
at it.

I come from a long line
of fathers.

[BOTH LAUGH]

See you.

Hey, hold the bus.

I've got a perfect job
for you.

My daughter is looking
for a manager.

Well, of what, a building?

Well, you-- You might call it
a building.

We call it a house.

You want me
to manage a house?

Well, it's a very
large house.

Has four bedrooms,
three and a half baths

and a self-cleaning oven.

Oh, wait a minute.

Are you asking me
to be a maid?

Well, you could call it
a maid.

We call it
a housekeeper.

Well, that's nice, lady,
but sorry.

You know, I used to play
major league baseball.

Guys like me, we don't end up
being maids or housekeepers.

Well, Joe DiMaggio,
he made some coffee,

but that's as far
as it went.

I see.

By the way, who takes care
of your little girl?

I do.

Oh, I see.

But you wouldn't stoop
to doing the cooking, huh?

Well, tell you the truth,
I'm a terrific cook.

Oh, yeah,
but guys like you,

you don't do the cleaning
and the laundry, huh?

Of course I do.
Hey, what do you think,

I can afford a maid?

[BOTH LAUGH]

Hate to break the news
to you, bub:

you're already
a housekeeper.

You're just not
getting paid for it.

Yeah, well, yeah, but I'm trying
to keep my amateur standing.

Well, all I'm saying is,

why not raise my grandson
along with your daughter?

I mean, he needs
a guy like you.

Someone caring,
someone intelligent.

Someone with


Fifteen and a quarter.

Check it
when you get home.

Oh, my goodness,
look here.

Here is a picture
of my little grandson Jonathan.

Is he a cute kid, huh?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

And, uh, this must be
your daughter, huh?

Yes.

That's my lovely daughter
Angela.

She'd be your boss.

Well, she looks very...

easy to work for.

Hey, look, I'm late
for my appointment.

I gotta go talk
to the owner.

Oh, you're not going
to like working here.

No action.

Nothing but crotchety old
matrons with neutered poodles.

Hi, Mona. You coming
to aerobics class?

Bring your friend too.

You think she'll let me
walk the poodle?

[CUTLERY CLATTERING]

Boy, Dad, you sure make
a mean western omelet.

Well, thanks, honey.

Hey, you know, I got the recipe
from Pete Rose.

I didn't know
you guys were friends.

Well, we're not friends.
It was during the game.

He just hit a double,

and while they were
changing pitchers

we hung out at second base
and exchanged recipes.

He got grandma's
eggplant Parmesan

and I got his western omelet.

I was just about to get his
bouillabaisse,

but some bum
drove him in.

Listen, Sam, I got to say
something to you here,

and you may not like it.
but in the long run--

Oh, no, not the long run.

Well, it's--
It's for your own good.

For my own good too!
I'm dead.

What is it?

Sam, we're going to move
to Connecticut.

Connecticut?

Yuck!

Siberia with elm trees.

Come on, Sam,
are you kidding me?

We're going to have
a great place.

Hey, I got offered a job

as a manager
of an apartment building.

We already live
in an apartment building.

Oh, but wait a minute, I'm
talking about a really nice one.

Okay, it's only one bedroom,
but it's got a--

It's got a view
of the laundry room.

And there's an aerobics room.
And you could take a class.

We'll both take them.

We can make new friends.

I already have friends.

Oh, yeah, yeah,
but not like these people.

Are you kidding me?
I met this one lady up there.

Madonna mia,
what a character.

Hey, she wants us to move
into her daughter's house and,

get this, she wants me
to be the maid.

[LAUGHS]

Did you say a house?

I never thought
we'd live in one of those.

Did you see it?

Yeah, yeah, it was on my way
to the Turnpike.

Oh, what'd it
look like?

Well, I didn't get
a very good look at it,

but it was a two-story,
white with blue trim, big yard,

picket fence,
Jag in the driveway

and a hoop in the backyard.

Now, now,
in the long run that

could definitely be
for my own good.

Wait a minute.
What are you, kidding me?

You-- It wouldn't bother you
to tell your friends

your old man's a maid?

Yeah, well, I would have
to give up all the prestige

of saying my dad
drives a fish truck.

I don't know. It's--

It's a crazy idea,
isn't it?

No.

And you're getting older.

And I think it's about time
you had your own room.

Come on,
you call that abnormal?

[PHONE RINGS]

Hello.

Oh, Mr. Micelli.

I thought I'd be hearing
from you.

No. If you want it,
the job is yours.

Oh, there's Angela now.

I've got to go. Bye.

No, no, don't worry.

She loves the idea of having
a man for a housekeeper.

Or she will just as soon
as I tell her.

Come on, darling.

Hi, Grandma.

Oh, Mother.
What are you doing here?

Why, Angela,
do I always need a reason?

I mean, can't a mother
just drop by

to visit her daughter
and grandson

and make some long-distance
phone calls?

Mother.

How did it go
with the child psychologist?

Very well.

We're learning different means
to communicate more effectively.

Jonathan, dear, would you and
your lizard please go upstairs

so Grandma and Mommy
can talk?

No.

Would you like to talk about why
you don't want to go upstairs?

No.

Well, Jonathan,

I was hoping it wouldn't
come to this,

but if this is the way
you want it, go upstairs.

No.
Okay. You must have reasons.

Not really, I just wanted to see
if you'd cave in.

Bye.

Way to communicate,
Angela.

I know he needs discipline,
but he also needs love.

You know, it's not easy
being a single parent.

Well, what did
the psychologist say?

"Get married."

Oh, Angela,
why ruin another life?

He said Jonathan is badly
in need of a male influence.

Yeah, well,
you haven't been getting

much influence
yourself lately.

Angela, don't you think
it would be wonderful

to have a man
around the house again?

No, Mother, the last thing
I need right now in my life

is a man.

The first thing I do need,
however, is a housekeeper.

Weren't you supposed to find
a replacement for Mrs. Hiller?

Yes, I'm trying,
I'm trying.

But, um, all the candidates
are a sorry lot.

See, I think we have to widen
our search.

Expand our horizons.

Think bigger and broader.

Broader than Mrs. Hiller?

Well, all I'm saying is that
we have to keep an open mind.

I have an open mind.
And a filthy house.

I don't care who you find,
just find somebody. Anybody.

Have I got a body for you.

Come on.
Don't be nervous, okay?

Get your fingers
out of your mouth.

How do I look?

Oh, you look great.

And you got all
the fish smell out too.

Good, good. Oh, boy.

Now look, Sam, you just be
yourself, all right?

And, hey, it wouldn't hurt if
you told Mrs. Bower, you know,

how nice it is up here and how
happy you are to be here.

You mean butter her up.

Yeah.

All right, now look, Sam,
I want you to be happy.

So if you don't wanna move here,
you say the word,

and we're back in Brooklyn
like that.

Dad, we gave up
the apartment

and loaded everything
into a van.

You're not getting cold feet,
are you?

Me?

Me getting cold feet?
What are you kidding me?

What, am I the first
pro baseball player

to become a housekeeper?

Well, maybe I am.

But, hey, what's the big deal?
I mean, what about you?

Oh, it sure is
a pretty house.

Oh, yeah.

And I think I'd like
to go to a school

where the mascot
isn't a c*ck.

[LAUGHS]

All right, Sam.
Then let's go in there

and we'll give them some
of the old Micelli magic.

You know,
I think this shiner

is going to give them
the wrong idea.

So I'll wait in the van,

and you go in first
and made a good impression.

Give them a firm
handshake.

Look right in the eye.

And whatever you do,
don't tell the pig joke.

Are you sure?
It always works.

Let's go.
Okay, okay, I'm going.

I said I'm going.

["BRAND-NEW LIFE" PLAYING]

♪ There's a time for love
And a time for living ♪

♪ You take a chance
And face the wind ♪

♪ An open road
And a road that's hidden ♪

♪ A brand-new life
Around the bend ♪

I still remember
the look on your face

when I opened the door.

Yeah. It said,
"Your troubles are over."

[LAUGHS]

Well, I think
all of our lives

have been enriched
by this coming together.

Yeah, Tony's taught me a lot
of stuff, like this.

[BURPS]

Just making the world
a better place.

[ALL LAUGH]

And Sam, you got three bathrooms
and your own bedroom.

Hey, so did I.

Yeah, well, I already had
my own bedroom,

but you know
what I still don't have

that all little girls
in Brooklyn dream about having?

My own phone.

Dream on.

Well, I think we're all much
happier now that we're a family.

And I think we know
who we have to thank for that.

ALL:
Yeah.

Me.

[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

Hey, you guys,
it stopped snowing.
Hey!

We're going to go outside
and build a snowman.

Why is it always
a snowman?

Let's build a snowwoman.

All right!

Can I build the top part?

Hey, hey!

Well, then,
I'd better join them.

They'll need a model.

Hey, what about you?

You gonna go outside
and play with the kids?

No, no, I don't think so.
I've got a lot of work to do.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I got--
I got a lot to do too.

Besides, you get all wet
and cold.

Yeah, and your nose runs.

Last one out's
a rotten egg.

Oh! Oh! Oh!

My ankle.
What happened, what happened?

Gotcha.
Oh! Hey, hey!

You learned that from me.

[♪♪♪]