04x09 - A Fishy Tale

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

♪ There's a time for love
And a time for livin' ♪

♪ So take a chance
And face the wind ♪

♪ An open road
And a road that's hidden ♪

♪ A brand-new life
Around the bend ♪

♪ There were times ♪

♪ I lost a dream or two ♪

♪ Found the trail ♪

♪ And at the end was you ♪

♪ There's a path you take
And a path not taken ♪

♪ The choice is up to you
My friend ♪

♪ Nights are long
But you might awaken ♪

♪ To a brand-new life ♪

♪ Brand-new life ♪

♪ A brand-new life
Around the bend ♪

Oh, it's so nice to be home.
What a rough day.

I know.

I broke a nail.

From now on,
we send the typing out.

Oh, gee, I'm glad
you guys are here.

Why? What's wrong?
It's Mrs. Rossini.

She showed up
a while ago, and--

Well, listen
for yourself.

[ROSSINI SOBBING LOUDLY]

She's got every dog
in the neighborhood howling.

What's the matter?

I don't know.
All I can get out her is:

[IMITATES SOBBING]

Maybe I can help.

I have a degree
in psychology.

I'll handle this.

[SOBBING]

She's all yours.

Mrs. Rossini,
it's me, Angela.

I'm here to listen.

[SPUTTERING]

Poor woman. The way
she's carrying on,

you'd think
her husband left her.

[SOBBING, SQUEAKING]

What? No!
Joe left you?

[SPUTTERING]

Oh, no!

What did she say?

She said he ran off with
a woman in her building.

They went to Rio.

Rio? Ay, caramba!

Wait a minute.

How come you guys understand
her, and I can't?

Women are sisters. We've all
been through the same pain.

Because we follow our hearts
while you men follow your--

Never mind.

Hey, Mrs. Rossini,
Joe was a fool to leave you.

I told him that Rose Lordasino
was trouble.

Rose too?

Joe ran off with
Lucille Finestra.

Rose, Lucille--

I always get those two
mixed up.

Nice try, Tony.

The nerve of that cad,
bedding down with three women.

Well, actually two.

But that's another story.

You don't need
to tell us,

but it would make this
a whole lot more interesting.

Mona, would you give
the lady a break?

Her husband's in Rio doing
la bamba with la bimbo.

What's the use?

I'm gonna shrivel up
and die from a broken heart.

The garbage man
can come and collect me.

Oh, now, no use
sitting around moping.

Remember, there are
a lot more important things

in life than men.

Angela will tell you
what they are.

Listen, Mrs. Rossini,

at least Joe left you
the fish market.

Oh, lucky me. Two hundred pounds
of stinking mackerel.

When life throws you a lemon,
you make lemonade.

You have
your own business.

Make it yours.
Make it sing.

Angela, she's a fish vendor,
not Ethel Merman.

Yeah, and what do I know
about running a business?

Well, there must be
someone who can help you.

But who?
Who am I gonna get

that's hard-working,
dependable, reliable,

someone who could help me...

like you used to?

Me?

Mrs. Rossini,
now you're singing.

Tony is the perfect person
to help you

until you get back
on your feet.

Oh, yeah, I'd love to
do it, Mrs. Rossini.

I'd do it in a second,
but I already have a job.

It's no problem.
We'll muddle through.

Oh, no, I couldn't
ask you to do that.

Please, take him.

Okay.

Wait a minute.
Don't I even get a say in this?

Of course you do, Tony.

Well, I say...

[SIGHS]
Yes.

Of course I'll be there
for you, Mrs. Rossini.

Oh, that's wonderful, Tony.

Could you be there for me
at 5 in the morning?

That's when
you pick up the fish.

You got it.

Thank you, Tony.

Thank you, Angela.

Oh, I'm starting
to feel better already.

Oh, hey, that's what
I like to hear, huh?

No time at all,
you'll forget all about Joe.

Oh, God!

[SOBBING]

All right, Mrs. Martino,
my best cut of flounder filet.

Huh? Three pounds.

This little devil is
from the deep blue sea.

Fresh to you each day, huh?

Okay.

And just for you,
a complimentary lemon.

Hey... Eh-eh!
You're so cute, have two.

Oh, thanks, sweetie.

If I were a little bit younger,
I'd pinch something else.

Ooh!

You temptress, you!
Ooh!

Okay, ladies,
who's next?

How's the cod today?

Wait a minute,
I was here first.

You're always pushing ahead.
Shut up, big mouth.

Oh, ladies, ladies.

Ladies, take it easy.
You're giving me a haddock.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Cute and funny.

What can I say?

Go ahead,
you got a bus to catch.

Thank you,
and I was here first.

[TONY CHUCKLES]
So, what do you recommend, Tony?

Mackerel.
Definitely mackerel. Come on.

All right, I'll take
a pound and a half.

Only a pound and half?

Come on, Sal can eat
that in one appetizer.

All right,
make it two pounds.

All right, two pounds.
I'm gonna throw in

a half a pound
on the house.

Ooh, you're such
a good boy.

Will you hustle it up?
My bus is coming.

Okay, Mrs. Cassio,
excuse me, here.

[PHONE RINGING]
Oh, jeez.

Rossini's fish.

If we ain't got it,
it don't swim.

Hi, Sam.
Everything okay?

Tony, the bus! The bus!
I got to run!

All right.
Hold on, Sam.

Heads up,
Mrs. Cassio!

Whoo!
Out of my way!

They could use her
on the Jets.

Hey, she didn't
even pay for it.

All right, ladies, ladies,
simmer down.

She has a charge account.
Hang on.

Sam, what's new?

Dad, I saw the sweetest jeans
I have to have.

Can I have my allowance for the
next two years in one lump sum?

I didn't think so.
How about 75 bucks?

Seventy-five bucks?

Seventy-five bucks?

Zelda gets it for free,
and I get gouged.

No, no, not you,
Mrs. Parrishi.

This is for
my daughter, Sam.

Oh, thank you, Dad!
Thank you, thank you!

No, no, no. Sam, Sam.
I'm talking to Mrs. Parrishi.

What? She's gonna buy me
my jeans?

I can't talk to you. I'll
discuss this when I come home.

Wait, wait, wait.
Jonathan needs to talk to you.

No, no, Sam, I can't--
Hi, Jonathan.

Hey, Tony, the birdhouse
is coming along great.

My scoutmaster said you have
to help me with the power drill.

Don't worry about it.
We'll get you that beaver badge.

I hope so. I'm the only kid
who's still a muskrat.

It hurts, Tony.

Okay, buddy, don't worry.
I'll handle everything.

Hey, I gotta go. Bye!

What can I say, ladies?
It's tough being a mother.

You think that's tough,

you should try buying fish
in this joint.

TONY:
Everything's under control.
No more interruptions.

Hi, Tony!
Oh, hi, Angela.

Hey, lady,
wait your turn.

Excuse me, I happen to be
very close to the owner.

Joe's not here
anymore.

Lucille beat you to it,
you floozy.

Now, now.
Hey, take it easy.

This floozy happens
to be my boss.

Thank you, Tony.

Excuse me. Tony,
I'm gonna make dinner tonight.

What time do you think
you'll be home?

Oh, Angela,
you better start without me.

I mean,
after I close up the shop,

I gotta clean the place,

I gotta make up
tomorrow's order,

I gotta do the books,

and then convince
Mrs. Rossini

she's still
attractive to men.

ROSSINI:
Tony, could I see you
a minute?

Yes, Mrs. Rossini,
I'll be there in one second.

Hey, Angela,
cover for me.

Me? What do I do?

Uh, I don't know,
whatever they want.

[CUSTOMERS CLAMORING]

What's up?

So, Tony...
How are things?

Can I make you
a cup of tea?

Thanks, Mrs. Rossini,
but I'm swamped out there.

Maybe you could come out and
help with some of the customers.

I'm a woman scorned.

I can't show my face.

Well, could you
show your hands?

Um, maybe you could
mop the floor or something.

Tony, don't make me
look at that mop.

I bought it
for Joe's birthday.

I can still hear him
sloshing it around.

[CHUCKLES]
You bought him a mop
for his birthday?

It's a good gift.

I like it.

Is this the one
you wanted?

No. I want that one.

Really? Well,
this one's so nice,

and it's already out.
No, that one.

All right.
Just a second.

That...one.

Oh, God.

Uh, here.

Oh!

I want it wrapped
and chop the head off.

Chop off the head?

Why don't you take the whole
thing? No extra charge.

Angela,
what's going on?

I can't believe
this incompetence.

Okay, I'm sorry.
It's her first day.

I'll make sure you get
anything you want.

Forget it. I have an Andalusian
beef roll in the oven.

Well, la-di-da.

Who do you think you are,
Wolfgang Puck?

Nah.
Nah.

Hey, what about us peons,
you know?

[ALL CLAMORING]
We want some service!

Ladies, let's not get ugly,
not that you could.

[ALL CLAMORING]

[♪♪♪]

I miss having
Tony around.

Yeah. He hasn't
been here to tell me

I'm not spending enough time
with the family.

Good thing we found
somebody to fill in for him.

Well, I'm finished
with the laundry.

Jonathan,
that's great.

What a little Tony.

I'm doing good, huh?

Oh, the greatest.

You may be putting Tony
out of a job.

Piece of cake.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Hey, Mona, you think
Jonathan is ready

to take on the oven?

Oh, I don't know.

That's a really
tough job.

I can do it!

Oh, I don't know.

Please! Please!

Oh, well, okay.

And if you do that
really well,

maybe we'll even let you
scrub the kitchen floor.

All right!

Whoo!

Well, maybe we should do
something around here too.

[SCOFFS]

[SPUTTERS]

I just dusted that
a week and a half ago.

It kind of makes
you wonder what's the point?

Surprise!
SAMANTHA: Dad!

Tony, what are you doing
home before midnight?

Hey, well,
I told Mrs. Rossini

I need some time
with my family, huh?

Hey, we'll have dinner.

We'll talk,
we'll catch up.

But I gotta be on the road
in 43 minutes.

Dad, that's not much time.

Yeah, but it's
quality time, sweetheart.

And guess what
we're having for dinner.

Fish?
Fish?

Uh-uh. We're having...

an Andalusian beef roll.

Some short order cook sold me
the recipe for a buck.

Angela, were you in
a wet t-shirt contest?

Well, what happened?

Oh, nothing much.

[WATER SPLASHES]

I stood in the rain
for an hour

on the corner of
Madison and 53rd.

Oh, have trouble
finding a cab?

No. I had trouble
finding a van.

A van? What were you
looking for a v--?

Oh, gosh. I forgot
to pick you up.

Really?

Oh, Angela, Angela,
I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.
What can I do?

Let me
empty your shoes.

Don't bother.

I've grown accustomed
to the squish.

Listen, Angela. Angela.
I don't know what to say,

except that this will
never happen again.

We need to talk.

Come on, Sam.
Let's go upstairs.

You can study, and I'll look
at your Tom Cruise poster.

Now, Tony, I realize
that I am the one

who encouraged you to help
Mrs. Rossini in the first place,

but you have got to admit
this is not working out.

The way I see it,
there's only one solution.

I hope it's a quick one.
I only got 38 minutes.

Sorry, Tony, you'll have to stop
working at the fish market.

Oh, Angela,
I know what you're saying,

but Mrs. Rossini's
my friend.

She's always
been there for me.

Like, when I used to work late,
she used to babysit for Sam.

And when Sam got
the whooping cough,

she rushed right over
with the mustard plaster.

When I used to stay out
too late with boys,

she was the one who
smacked me around.

I love that woman.

I just called
my scout leader.

I didn't earn
the beaver badge.

Oh, baby,
what happened?

Well, Tony didn't have time
to drill a door in my birdhouse.

So I had to paint one on.

It would have worked out,
but when I hung it on the tree,

all the little birdies kept
smashing their heads into it.

It's not good for
their little bird brains.

I'm gonna be a muskrat
the rest of my life.

Well, got to go
make the beds.

What?

Need I say more?

Oh, no.
It's all slipping away.

The rest of it will slip away
if you don't make a move.

Oh, poor Mrs. Rossini.

First Joe runs out
on her, now me.

What should I do?

Give me a sign.

[SNEEZES]

That ain't it.

All right, Mrs. Rossini,
I've interviewed a lot of guys.

And the guy I got out there
makes me look like a bum.

Oh, Tony,
nobody can replace you.

But if you like him,
I'll like him.

I don't only like him,
I love him.

If you love him,
I'll love him.

I don't only love him,
I'm nuts about him.

If you're nuts--
I get the picture.

Marty, huh? You're gonna
love this woman.

Well, if you love her,
I'll love her.

She's gonna love you.

What you don't know about fish
hasn't been written.

Thanks, Tony.
At the Shirley MacLaine seminar,

she said I was a halibut
in my previous life.

Well, I can see
the resemblance.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

All right, come on. Let's go
meet your soon-to-be boss.

Wait a minute.

Marty, there's
something wrong.

I took a shower.

That's it!

Perfect, huh?

Come on.

Mrs. Rossini,
allow me to introduce to you

Mr. Marty "Fish cakes"
Di Nardo.

Oh, pleased
to meet you.

Tony tells me
you really know your fish.

Yeah, he's a real
a-fish-ionado.

[ALL LAUGH]

That's me. I worked on
a tuna trawler, a shrimp boat,

and I sold gold fish
at Woolworth's.

That's wonderful.
How old are you?

Thirty-five years
come Easter.

Hey, he's my age.

Mmm, awfully close
to retirement.

Uh, are you married?

No. Single.
Single's good.

He can devote more time
to the store.

Single could be trouble.

Maybe he's
the wandering kind.

Uh. How long were you
at your other job?

Twenty years
come Ash Wednesday.

Twenty years?
What, no ambition?

Mrs. Rossini.
What are you talking about?

That means he's dependable.
He's perfect for you.

He even looks
like a fish.

Shirley MacLaine
said so.

Tony, I'm conducting
the interview, please.

Di Nardo?

Di Nardo.

Are you...

one of the Pitkin Avenue
Di Nardos?

Yeah, my old man's
Vinnie.

I'm sorry, but you're just
not right for this job.

What do I need, gills?

Goodbye,
Mr. Di Nardo.

I knew I shouldn't have done
the fish impression.

Mrs. Rossini,
what are you doing?

The guy was perfect.

Perfect? Tony, he happens to be
the cousin of the uncle

of the lady
who's in Rio with Joe.

Oh, no, and you didn't
make a citizen's arrest?

I kept my part of the bargain.
I talked to him.

And he's not the person
for me. You are.

Mrs. Rossini, we've already
been through this. I can't stay.

I already have a job
with Angela.

Oh, sure. Go.
Quit. Leave me.

Kick a person
when she's down.

Oh, I've been a good friend.
What do you want me to do?

I'm gonna smell like herring
for the rest of my life.

It's all right.

I'll just board up the shop
and go on welfare.

Come on, Mrs. Rossini.
Now you're exaggerating.

So now I exaggerate.

You call yourself
a friend.

Well, who needs you?
There's the door!

Okay, Mrs. Rossini,
have it your way,

but I will not
feel guilty. Hm!

[♪♪♪]

How could I do that
to poor Mrs. Rossini?

What a crumb I am.
What a louse.

You know, I must have had
a sensitivity bypass.

I had one years ago.

Believe me, you can lead
a happy life without it.

Oh, Mona.

Come on,
lighten up.

Let's have some
coffee, huh?

Oh, coffee.
I forgot to buy some.

Maybe you are a louse.

Good morning.

What a wonderful day
filled with possibility.

Angela, would you
knock it off?

This man is trying
to be miserable.

Well...

have a rotten day.

Thanks, Mona.

Well, we have
any coffee?

Oh, coffee.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

That must be
Mrs. Rossini.

Mrs. Rossini?

I mean, it could be
Mrs. Rossini.

I mean, maybe she was
feeling badly too,

and maybe she wanted
to come over

and talk about how badly
she was feeling,

or it could be
a Jehovah's Witness.

You called her,
didn't you?

Yes. Are you mad?

Yes. Why didn't
you do it two days ago?

Hi. Come on in.

Hello, Tony.

Hello, Mrs. Rossini.
How you doing?

Oh, I can't complain.

Well, I can
always complain,

but that's not
why I'm here.

I-I just wanted
to say that I--

Do you have any coffee?

Oh, coffee.

Look, I'm out of it.

I mean, it's been
kind of a tough week.

I know it has, Tony,
and that's why

I just wanted
to tell you that I--

I...

Apologize?

Yeah, what she said.

Oh, well, Mrs. Rossini, it
takes a big person to say that.

Big?

Okay, so I put on a little.

I've been eating
to cover the depression.

No, Mrs. R--

Well, you wear it well,
Mrs. Rossini.

Look, your friendship
means a lot to me, Mrs. R.,

and, uh, I didn't mean
to let you down.

You didn't let me down.

I was too demanding.

You weren't
too demanding.

You were just
asking for help.

Isn't this wonderful?

I think we're all
sharing a moment.

Why don't you two just
give each other a hug?

Go on.

Go on.

Oh, Mrs. Rossini.

Oh, Tony.

Tony, Tony, Tony.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Mrs. Rossini.
Mrs. Rossini, Mrs. Rossini!

Marty!
Hi, Tony.

Excuse me, Mrs. R.,
I just wanted to tell you

I moved the truck
under a shade tree.

Some of the frozen fish
was in the sun,

and I didn't want to have
a mackerel meltdown.

So you hired
Marty after all?

Well, not exactly.

Tony, Angela,
I would like you to meet

my new business partner:

a man who was born
to debone.

Oh, Mrs. R.,
you're making me blush.

Oh, Mrs. Rossini.

Oh, let me be the first
to congratulate you.

Wait a minute.
What happened?

A couple days ago,
you wouldn't give

Marty the right time of day.

I started thinking
about some wise words

from a very good friend.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

And, uh, didn't hurt

that he had 20 grand
in cold cash lying around.

Mm-hmm.

Well, hey, Marty,
congratulations.

Thanks, Tony.

And thanks for introducing me
to Mrs. Rossini.

She's a very special
woman.

Oh, fish cakes,

the things you say.

You can sit in the front
on the way back.

Hey, Joe isn't
the only one

who can
la bamba, huh?

Bye, Mrs. Rossini.
Bye.
Bye!

Oh, isn't that sweet?

You know, you did
a wonderful thing.

You found Mrs. Rossini
a partner in business

and, hopefully, in life.

Come on, Angela.
Now you're making me blush.

Well, this does call
for a celebration.

Come on. I'll buy you
a cup of coffee,

and, uh, you can
ride in the front.

[SIGHS]
I can't believe it.

A whole weekend
and not a thing to do.

Well, your only job
is to sit back and relax.

You just be a couch potato.
Ooh.

Get the remote control
and call me spud.

Guess what? I've got another
chance to be a beaver!

Well, that's great,
sweetheart!

All I have to do
is stay overnight

in the wilderness
and catch my own fish.

Come on, Tony,
let's go.

You know what?
I got a better idea.

Why don't we pitch a tent
in the back yard?

And I got all the fish
you need in the freezer.

But my scout leader said
I have to catch it myself.

Well, that's no problem.
Here, catch.

[♪♪♪]