05x08 - A Spirited Christmas

[bunniefuu]

[Theme music playing]

♪ there's a time for
love and a time for livin' ♪

♪ so take a chance
and face the wind ♪

♪ an open road and
a road that's hidden ♪

♪ a brand-new life
around the bend ♪

♪ there were times ♪

♪ i lost a dream or two ♪

♪ found the trail ♪

♪ and at the end was you ♪

♪ there's a path you take
and a path not taken ♪

♪ the choice is
up to you, my friend ♪

♪ the nights are long
but you might awaken ♪

♪ to a brand-new life ♪

♪ brand-new life ♪

♪ a brand-new life
around the bend ♪

[Dramatic music playing]

Woman: excuse me.
Excuse me.

Excuse me, please.
Thank you. Pardon me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.
Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Nice to see you.

Hi.

How are you?

Listen, I've been
in line for two years,

And my feet
are k*lling me.

You see, I died
in high heels.

Who are you?

Laura rockwell.

Oh, thanks.

You people do
a terrific job. See you.

Not so fast.

It seems you have
an outstanding violation.

A small matter
concerning someone

Named mona robinson.

[Whistling]

Not her again.

It says here
that when you married
mona's brother archie,

You started feud
between them.

Oh, that wasn't my fault.

She was impossible
to get along with.

St. Peter: I don't care
who's fault it was.

You don't pass through
these gates

Unless you get them
back together.

Those two?
No way in hell.

Funny you should
mention that.

Wouldn't it
be wonderful

To see dear, sweet mona
and archie back together again?

♪ chestnuts roasting
on an open fire ♪

♪ jack frost nipping
at my-- ♪

Mona.

What? Jack and I had
a very special relationship.

You know, just make sure
when santa comes,

The only thing you put out
is milk and cookies.

[Laughing]

h*! h*! h*! I am oozing
with yuletide cheer.

Well, I've got
an ointment for that.

Tony: oh, come on, mona,

I, for one, am excited
that this woman is excited

And filled with
christmas spirit.

Is the big one mine?

No. You got
the cashmere sweater.

Ow!

Well, he doesn't know
what box it's in.

So what are we doing
tonight, dad?

Oh, well, let's see here.

I just happen to have
my christmas list.

Okay. First,

We put the lights up
outside.

Yay!
Ooh!

Then, we make the eggnog.
[All cheer]

And we hang the stockings.
All: ooh!

Then we watch
the perry como special.

I said we watch
the perry como special.

Yippee.
Yay.

That's better.

[Telephone rings]
oh, I got it.

Hello and
merry christmas.

Yeah, yeah.
Hang on a second.

Mona, it's some guy who says
he's your brother archie.

Uncle archie?

I haven't spoken to
that weasel in 20 years,

And I have no intention
of starting now.

Um, she's indisposed
right at the moment,

But I'm tony,
the housekeeper.

Can I take
a message?

Archie: well tony,
would you tell her
that I'd like

to have the family
join me here in maine
for christmas.

You see,
I've been very lonely

Since I lost
my wife laura,

My beautiful laura,

My brilliant, witty,
charming, sexy, adorable--

So will you come?

Uh, hang on a sec.

He's inviting us
to maine for christmas.

No way.
No how. Uh-uh.

End of discussion.
Period.

Well, she's thinking
about it.

Oh, that woman!

She aggravated
me when I was alive,

Now she's lousing up
my death.

I told you it would take
more than a phone call.

What you need is a vessel
of divine intervention.

A what?

A vessel
of divine intervention.

Someone on earth
you can speak through.

Someone honest,
kind, good of heart,

Someone who embodies
goodness on earth.

Someone who's
a big perry como fan.

Uh, well, gee, archie.
I don't think we can make--

Singer: ♪ hallelujah ♪

♪ hallelujah ♪

Christmas in maine?

We'd love to.
See you tomorrow.

Who said that?

You did, and you must be
out of your mind

Because there's
no way I'm going maine.

Yeah dad, I don't want to
go to maine for christmas.

I mean it's like bazillion
degrees below zero.

Well too bad you can't
wear those new gloves

That grandma's
gonna give you.

Ow!

I am not
spending christmas

With someone who treated me
the way he did.

Wait, wait
a minute now,

Would you please
fill me in here?

Uncle archie
never invited mother
to his wedding.

The wimp.
And it's all
because of laura.

That woman never
liked me.

Oh, come on, mona.
What's not to like?

You know mother.
She walks in, lights up a room.

Laura couldn't
handle that.

Couldn't handle it? Huh!

Just because she wore
that flaming red dress

Cut to the navel
at my engagement party.

To the navel?

Get me the tapes
of laura rockwell's
engagement party.

But, mona,
your brother,

He's reaching
out to you.

You know, I think you
should give him a chance.

Ha!
Tony, uh...

Mother and uncle archie
haven't spoken for 20 years.

You can't mend a rift
like that in one day.

Ah, but what
better day, mona,

Than christmas day?

Arbor day, ground-hog day,
day of the locusts.

I am not going.

Okay, mona.
You don't want to go?

You don't wanna go
to maine?

The rest of you
don't wanna go to maine,

Then I will take
my goose, my stuffing,

And my sunny disposition

And I will go share it
with a stranger named archie.

Oh, come on, guys.

I don't wanna go
by myself.

[Knock on door]

Mona: it's freezing out here.

Jonathan: well too bad you could
have used your new earmuffs.

[Thump]
ow!

Hello?
Hello!

Tony, I don't think
we should just let ourselves
in like this.

Hey, this used to be
my house, too,

So if you see anything
valuable, take it.

Hello.

Boy, this place
is spooky.

Great. Christmas with
freddy and jason.

Worse. Christmas
with archie.

Aah!

I knew this was
a bad idea.

This is going to be
just delightful.

Come on.
Let's get the bags.

Aah!
Aah!

Who are you people?

What are you doing
in my house?

Archie...

It's me--mona.

Mona, what are you
doing here?

What do you mean?
You invited us.

Invited you?
I don't know you.

Picture her 20 pounds heavier
with braces and zits.

Angela.

Thank you for the fine
reintroduction, mother.

Uncle archie, this is
your grandnephew, jonathan,

And my housekeeper, tony,
and his daughter, samantha.

Hiya.
Hi.

We spoke
on the phone.

No, we didn't.

Yes, you did.
When you telephoned yesterday.

I didn't call you.

Oh, yes, you did,
you big liar.

You loud-mouth.
You arrogant,
pompous--

All right,
mona, mona.

Mona, that's not smart,

Getting a fight
with a guy holding an axe.

Don't worry,
I wouldn't use this on her.

This is my good axe.

All right, look,
look, look, look.

Obviously there's been slight
a misunderstanding.

Maybe we'd better--
just better if we go...

Singer: ♪ hallelujah ♪

♪ hallelujah ♪

Out to the car
and get our bags,

So that we can spend
christmas together.

Who said that?

He's been
driving for hours.

Yeah, that's right.
That's right

And I don't feel
like driving back.

So, uh, we're staying,
okay?

Well, if you don't use
all the hot water.

Oh, like
you shower.

Mother!

Mona, could you just show us
where we're bunking, please.

Uh, I'll be up later.
All right.

Come on.

Well...
Sure is cold out there.

Yeah.

Little chilly
in here too.

Hmm.

I have admit
I wasn't, uh, sure

That I wanted to come up
here either

But now that we're here

It's kind of nice
to see you again.

Hmm.

Okay.

You know...

You turned out prettier
than I thought you would.

Thank you.

Your mother doesn't look
half bad either.

[♪♪♪]

Tony: check this out,
hey, arch.

We found the rest of
those christmas ornaments.

Yeah, come on.
Uh-huh.

It's time to finish
trimming the tree.

Yeah. [Chuckles]

Angela, I think
we need a--

An emergency transfusion
of christmas spirit here.

Really, let's go you
scrooges, come on,

Get into spirit.

♪ let's hear those
sleigh bells jing-a-lin' ♪

♪ ring-ting-
ting-a-lin', too ♪

♪ come on,
it's lovely weather ♪

♪ for a sleigh ride
together with you ♪

♪ outside the snow
is falling ♪

♪ and folks
are calling-- ♪

Yoo-hoo.

♪ come on,
it's lovely weather ♪

♪ for a sleigh ride
together with you ♪

[Clip clop]

Only angela would know
all the words.

[Both together]
♪ giddyup giddyup giddyup
it's grand ♪

♪ just holding
your hand ♪

Come on. Knock it off,
will you?
Stop.

I'll make you a deal,
you trim the tree,
we'll k*ll the singing.

We'll trim.
We'll trim.
We'll trim. We'll trim.

Come on, monie.

Both: monie?

Uh, yeah, that's what
he used to call me

When we were kids.
[Scoffs]

I hated it.

Yeah, yeah,
you loved it.

Yeah, you're right.
I loved it.

Jughead.

It's been a long time
since I've heard that.

I'm touched, I'm moved,
I'm really affected.

So where
are my wings?

They've got to do more
than exchange dopey nicknames.

I've got to see
a genuine, heartfelt hug.

Oy vey.
What?

Never mind.

Oh, look, here's the one
with your name on it.

[Chuckling]
oh, yeah.

Where's mine?

Oh, well,
yours got broken.

Accidentally.

Oh, how?

Well, laura kind of,
uh...ahem,

Dropped a hammer
on it.

Is this a douglas fir
or a blue spruce?

Uh, come on
it was just an ornament.

There you go
defending her again.

That woman
always resented me.

Because I would not
kowtow to her every whim,

And it drove her
up the wall.

It did.
It really did.

And that's why I wore red dress
to her engagement party.

Because I knew she'd hate it.

I did.
I really did.

Tony:
um, gee, angela,

I think
this is a blue spruce.

What do you think,
jughead, monie?

I'll tell you
what I think,

I think once
you got a wife,

You forgot
you had a sister.

You're not world's the most
supportive sister, you know.

Well what did you
expect me to do?

Sit back
and watch her

[Gasps]
push you around,
that witch?

[Scoffs] a good thing
she's not here
to listen to this.

Do you know
how much it hurt me

Not being invited
to your wedding?

What are you
talking about?

I wrote you a letter
and personally invited you!

You know how much it hurt
when you didn't answer!

Ah, you wrote a letter,
well I never got one.

Maybe you forgot
to mail it.

I did mail it.

Oh, well then maybe you forgot
to stamp it!

Ow! Jeez! Aah!

[♪♪♪]

Did you, uh, you make
any progress with mona?

No. With or without us,
she's leaving
in the morning.

She said she might
take a train,

She might
take a plane,

But if she's got
to walk there,

She's gonna get there
just the same.

Where's she going,
kansas city?

Hey I heard they got some
crazy little women there.

Sam: I'm going to sleep.

So I could wake up early
and leave with mona.

Me, too.

Oh, oh, wait the minute.
Come on, guys.

Where's your
christmas spirit?
Remember?

♪ giddyup,
giddyup, giddyup ♪

♪ let's fly ♪

♪ way up to the sky ♪

♪ la la la la lie ♪

Give it up, dad.

Tony, I think we've done
just about everything we can.

If we leave tomorrow,
we'll salvage
a part of christmas day.

Okay.

Okay, we leave at 7:00.

Let's go pack, huh?
Okay.

I'm sorry, laura.

You're sorry?
What about me?

I freckle easy.

[Dramatic music playing]

Tony...

Tony, wake up.

Tony.

Kitchy-kitchy-coo.

Did I wake you?

I can't be dreaming, 'cause
you're not really my type.

Tony, I'll get
right to the point.

I'm a dead woman.

Then you're--then you're
really not my type.

I'm the woman
in the picture downstairs.

I'm laura.

Oh, boy.

Wait a minute.

If you're dead,

And I can see you,

That must mean
that I'm...

Well, good night.
God bless.

You're not gonna
shake me, buddy.

I can sit here
forever.

Well, what do you
want from me?

You're not here
to collect me, are you?

Because, you know,
you could have made a mistake,

There's a tony mavelli.
He lives in queens.

He had a long life.

Listen...

Archie did
write a letter

Inviting mona
to our wedding.

And I took it
from our mailbox

Before the postman
could pick it up.

Oh.
It was you.

Well, that's--
that's rotten.

Are you really dead?

Let's just say I don't have
to go to k-mart to see elvis.

You can't leave,

I'll never
get to heaven

Unless you get archie
and mona back together again.

But I've tried.
I've tried.

I've sung to them,
I made clip-clop sounds.

My tongue is k*lling me.

You've got
to try harder.

If not for me,
then for them.

It's my fault
that mona and archie

Lost 20 years
together.

Maybe I don't deserve
to go to heaven.

Okay.

Take it easy.

It's a dream.

It's a bad dream.

It's a nightmare.

Did I hear a little
remorse down here?

Uh-huh.

In that case, laura,

You've earned this.

What is it? Dinner for two
at the crystal room?

This is archie's
letter to mona.

And I have an idea.

Listen, if you find this
someplace downstairs,

Archie and mona will think
it got lost 20 years ago,

And they'll make up!

And I have
the perfect place.

Behind the
grandfather clock.

Now when you wake up,
this is all
going to be bit hazy,

So just remember the clock.

Remember the clock.

Okay. The clock.
The clock.

Uh, laura.
Uh, just one question--

Who's the clown
with the eyebrows?

Oh, tony,

Someday you're going to be
very sorry you said that.

Come on, tony!
Let's blow!

Sam: merry christmas,
dad.

Merry christmas,
samantha.

Merry christmas,
jonathan, mona,

Angela.

Merry christmas,
archie.

Merry christmas,
laura.

Oh, look at that...

It's a clock.

What are you doing?

It's a nice clock.

We have clocks
at home, tony.

Sam: come on dad, we want
to open our presents in the car.

Hey, open
grandma's first.

She got you
a walkman.

Ow!

Well...

Bye, uncle archie.

Hope I don't have to wait
another 20 years to see you.

Well, if you
promise not to sing.

Ooh, look!

It's a big clock.

Well, let's get going.

I think you're
gone already.

Mona...

Read this.

"Dear mona,

"When laura and I
get married next sunday,

"I want you
by my side.

"It's the most important
day in my life,

"And I can't imagine
not sharing it with you.

"P.s...

Don't wear
the red dress."

Huh? Huh?

Does someone owes
someone else a hug.

Oh, come on now.

After all these years

This letter conveniently
turns up now?

How do I know that you didn't
just write this last night?

How do I know you haven't
had that 20 years?

You just covering your tracks.

Oh--already!

You know I can take you two
acting like spoiled little brats

I could take your petty,
dumb fighting,

But what I can't take
is you're doing it
on christmas day.

Come on,
it's christmas.

You know the day
to be bighearted
and to reach out

And forgive
the people you love.

Especially when
they're family.

Monie.

Well, laura rockwell,
this is your hug.

At last.

Did you give tony
that speech?

No, that
was all him.

I guess I can forgive
that eyebrow crack.

Follow me.

In a moment.

[Gasps]
this is beautiful.

You're an angel.

You're not so bad
yourself.

No, no. I mean
you're an angel,

You're getting
your wings.

Bye, archie.

Well,
come on, kids.

Let's
get our bags.

We're staying here
with my brother.

Hey, merry christmas,
jughead!

Merry christmas,
monie!

Merry christmas, tony.

Merry christmas,
angela.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

You know,
that was a great speech,

But just one thing--

How did you know
the letter was there?

Oh, it's easy,
it's easy.

Laura's ghost came to me
on my sleep last night
and told me about it.

Who said that?

[Dramatic music playing]

Tony: who's the boss? Will be
back in a moment.
Stick around

Do you like it?
Made in america.

Oh, boy.

Archie: h*! h*! h*!

Hey, h*, h*, h*, yourself.

I love
this guy!

He used to do this
when I was little girl.

Ooh, sam?

You've all been good little boys
and girls this year?

Mona: yes, we've been good,
jughead--

I mean, santa.

Archie: ha ha ha!
Angela.

Well, I've got to hurry.

Why? Your reindeer
double parked?

Ha ha ha ha!
Merry christmas!

Merry christmas!
Merry christmas!

Anybody for eggnog?

[Christmas music playing]

♪ just hear those
sleigh bells jing-a lin' ♪

♪ ring ting
ting-a lin', too ♪

♪ come on,
it's lovely weather ♪

♪ for a sleigh ride
together with you ♪

♪ outside the snow
is falling ♪

♪ and friends are
calling yoo-hoo ♪

♪ come on,
it's lovely weather ♪

♪ for a sleigh ride
together with you ♪

♪ giddyup, giddyup,
giddyup it's grand ♪

♪ just holding your hand ♪

♪ we're gliding along
with a song ♪

♪ of a wintery fairyland ♪

♪ our cheeks are
nice and rosy ♪

♪ and comfy cozy are we ♪

♪ come on,
it's lovely weather ♪

♪ for a sleigh ride
together with you ♪