05x09 - Teacher's Pet

[bunniefuu]

[Theme music playing]

♪ there's a time for love
and a time for livin' ♪

♪ so take a chance
and face the wind ♪

♪ an open road and
a road that's hidden ♪

♪ a brand-new life
around the bend ♪

♪ there were times ♪

♪ i lost a dream or two ♪

♪ i found the trail ♪

♪ and at the end was you ♪

♪ there's a path you take
and a path not taken ♪

♪ the choice is up
to you, my friend ♪

♪ nights are long
but you might awaken ♪

♪ to a brand-new life ♪

♪ brand-new life ♪

♪ a brand-new life
around the bend ♪

Woman [over tv]:
1...2...3...4...

let's go! Pelvic thrust!

Whoa!
You think she's cute?

Only in that perky,
incredibly healthy,


Kind of way.

Woman [over tv]: come on,
people! Feel the burn!

If I keep
working out,

I'm gonna look
like that, too.

Ha ha, yeah.
Uh!

Hey, I feel
the burn.

Good.

Hey, look who I picked up
in the mall.

I hope it's not a man!

Mason: uh, no. It's just me,
mr. Micelli.

Hi, mason.

Oh, hi, mrs. Bower.

No, no, no. Mason, mason.
No need to bow.

You're looking great,
mrs. Bower.

Angela: oh, thank you,
mason. Do I look 18?

You're looking great,
mrs. Bower.
[Tony chuckles]

Tony: so, mason, tell me,
tell me,

What did my favorite boy
genius do

Over the semester break?

Sam: wait till you hear!
Tell him, mason! Tell him.

Well, I had three
migraine headaches

Oh, and then last thursday,
I ate a pineapple

I had an allergic
reaction

I blew up
like a balloon.

See, I hate
when that happens.

Not that.
He got a part-time job

In the history department
as a teaching assistant.

Way to go, mase!

Can you imagine,

Me, a college
professor.

I just hope
I can handle it.

Oh, sure, you can handle it!
What, are you kidding me?

You're young!
You're bright...

You're young!

You sure you can handle this?

Of course
he can handle it!

You know, mozart
started composing by age 5,

And charlotte bronte

Had written


Boy, I'm really behind.

Wait till you hear
who's in his class.

He's an older student.

His goal this semester
is to be on the dean's list.

He's attractive,
he's handsome--

Hold it! Hold it!

Are you teaching my history
of western civilization class?

Yeah.

The handsome part
gave it away.

I thought it was
the older part.

Oh, you!

Mason!
This is great, mason!

I'm so happy.

You at the blackboard,
me at the desk...

Ohh, nothing could
please me more.

Really?
No,

But, uh, it never hurt
to suck up to the teach.

Hi.

Excuse me, ma'am.

Is this
the discussion group

For western civ 105?

Yes.

I'm a little nervous.
This is my first day.

Who cares?

Hello, there, professor.
How are you today?

Gee, I hope you're loaded
with answers.

'Coz I'm loaded
with questions.

You're mr. Peters?
That's my prof.

But you're so, uh...

Oh, boyishly handsome!

I read that article
you wrote on the corinthians.

I thought
it was brilliant!

I am
a great admirer.

Who cares?

[Bell rings]

This is it, tony,
a teacher is born!

Hello, mr. Chips.
Go baby.

Good afternoon, class.

My name
is mason peters...

Mason!
All right! No homework!

Little buddy!
Little buddy!

Wake up,
little buddy! Wake up.

Rosebud.

Class dismissed.

Angela: mother,
come on! Come on!

Do this exercise
tape with me!

Come on. You'll have
more energy

You'll be more creative.
And you'll be able to work

A whole lot harder.
Get that thing away from me.

Hey, hey, hey, hey!
No, no!

It's ok. I'm allowed.
I'm working out.

No, no, no, no.
These are for mason.

You brought
your teacher home?

Well, actually,
I carried him home.

He fainted
in front of the class.

He fainted?
Yeah.

He went down like a sack
of potatoes

[Mona laughs]

Mother!
Mona!

What's the matter
with--

Hi.

[Both laughing]

You told them.

Oh, mason.
I'm sorry.

I know we shouldn't
laugh at--ha ha.

Goodbye, mona.

Mason, mason,
don't be embarrassed.

Fainting is just
your body's way

Of saying it's time
to lie down.

I don't know.

Maybe I'm just not equipped
to handle the intense

Nerve-wracking pressure
of this job.

Come on, mason,
lighten up.

Now you're teaching
a history class,

Not the leading an expedition
down the snake river.

Don't say snake, mr. Micelli.
They give me the creeps.

They're so long
and slithery.

I don't know.
It's probably freudian.

Hey, siggie!

Come on. Lighten up
with the neurosis stuff.

We've just got to get you over
your stage fright thing.

Oh, it's easy for you to say,
tony.

You have a commanding,
charming presence.

Well, that's true,

But listen, you too

Can have charming,
commanding presence.

Listen. Try this.
You're up at the podium, right,

And looking out into a sea,

A sea of strange faces.

What you do is
you look for one face,

That one accessible,
open face

That says,

"Teach me,
talk to me,

Call on me."

You think?

Is this
an open face?

Very. I guess
I give can try it.

All right.
And now you see?

And there are
a lot of other tricks

You can do, too.

Angela, you must have
a tip or two.

Well, actually,
only one.

It helps to visualize
the audience naked.

Naked?
Yeah.

That's what I do every time
I have to give a speech.

It's hard to be intimidated
by people

When they're
in their birthday suits

Totally naked!
Angela: yeah.

Actually, I can see
the psychological validity

In that technique.
The men, too?

Yeah.

I can give it a shot.
Thanks, guys.

You've given me
the courage to go on.

See you in class
tomorrow, friend.

Bye, mason.

Bye, mason.

Uh, angela, angela.
Yeah.

You know last month
when you gave that speech

At the ad club, and...

I was sitting
in the front row?

Did you happen to use
your visualization trick?

Let's just say...

I could have talked
all night.

Come on.
Who wants in on this?

Come on, let's build up
the kitty.
Come on, come on.

Hey, tony. You want
in on the fainting pool?

The fainting pool?

Yeah, we're betting to see
how long it takes

Before the boy wonder
hits the floor.

Three minutes.
I am going to win big.

Yeah, I hope you lose
your shirt.

Good afternoon, class.

Now, uh,
can anyone tell me...

What country is often
considered the bedrock

Of western civilization?

Bedrock? Yeah, that's where
the flintstones lived.

Yabba-dabba-doo!

Uh, uh, um, uh...

Mason! Mason!

Visualize!
Naked! Naked.

Mason: oh! All right. All right.

Okay. All right.

Mr. Peters?

Yes?

I'd like
to answer that.

Could you stand,
please?

Would the answer
be england?

Mr. Peters?

Tony: mason! Mason!
Mason: huh?

Put her clothes
back on!

The answer is greece.

Now, in what century

Did the first
greek city-states emerge?

Tony.

Um, um, uh...


And what form
of government

Did these states have?

Tony.

Uh, they were
republics.

Excellent! Now,

What was the name
of a military city-state?

Tony.

Sparta.
Superb!

I love the way
this class gets involved.

Cynthia: may I address
this one, mr. Peters?

Mason: go right ahead,
cynthia.

Well, I believe that
we're not only indebted

To the greeks
for their contributions

In philosophy,

But to a greater extent
in art and architecture.

That's very true,
cynthia.

But as mr. Micelli
so incisively

Pointed out last week,

We cannot overlook
the contributions

The greeks made in terms
of the physical sciences.

In fact,
what greek philosopher

First postulated
the theory of the atom?

You want to field
this one, tony?

Not particularly.

Oh, come on.
Give it a shot.

Uh, well,
that's a tough one.

Uh, socrates?

Excellent!
I'm right?

Not even close.
It was democritus.

But the fact
that you were willing

To risk answering
a question

About something
that happened so long ago

Is a testament
to your courage,

Dedication, and just plain
stick-to-it-iveness.

This is a student.

This is a crock.

[Bell rings]

Remember, class,
your essays are due on thursday,

And they count
for 30% of your grade.

Have a nice day.

Cynthia: hey,
you got a minute?

Sure. What's up?

Don't play mr. Innocent
with me.

Tony: pardon?

I know what you two
are up to.

I see favoritism,
I see the chronyism,

And I think it stinks.

If it doesn't stop,
I'm going to the dean.

Okay, cynthia, lighten it up,
pal. Lighted it up.

Hold that thought.

Mason, could you
come here, please?

Oh, sure, tony. What's up.

Now, go ahead cynthia.
You tell him

What you just told me.

Mr. Peters,

I was just saying
what a wonderful teacher

You are and what an honor
it is to be in your class.

Thank you.

Thank you for calling
me over to hear that, tony.

What a thoughtful guy.

Mason. Mason,
wait a minute.

We got to talk
about this class.

Oh, it's going great,
isn't it?

Well...
Of course, it is.

I wouldn't have taken off
if it weren't for you.

But there's a problem,
mason.

There's a problem.

I mean, some of the kids,
they're upset.

They're upset because you keep
giving me all the attention.

I mean, you're always
praising me.

You drew little smiley
faces on my quizzes.

It doesn't look good,
mason.

Ohh, jealously rears

It's ugly head.

Don't worry, tony.
I've been there.

It's tough to be brilliant .

No, no, no,
no, no

I'm not brilliant.
I'm not brilliant.

Above average with flashes
of occasional insight.

Yes,
but I'm not brilliant.

The great ones
are always so modest.

It's okay, tony.

Hang in there.
You'll make friends.

That cynthia girl
seems to like you.

What are you
smirking at, curly?

Why are you sh**ting
sunflower seeds

Into my hair?

Because prime time

Doesn't start for 20 minutes.

Angela: hi.
Hi.

How was school?

In a word, mason.

Angela: oh, is he still
applauding your every word?

Tony: no, no. No,
he's cheering.

He's jumping
out of his seat.
He's doing the wave.

That little squirt's
driving me nuts.

Now what
did I do?

No, not you.

Oh, mason.

Oh, please, please,
I don't even want

To hear his name.

Mason, mason, mason.

That guy
cracks me up.

I was on
the phone with him--

And he told me that you
are a natural scholar.

You must have him wrapped
around your little finger.

Mona: all right,
tony, huh?

Easy "a".

Look, I'm not going to school
to get an easy anything.

I want to be
judged fairly.

Angela: that is right, mother.
Some people still believe

In hard work
and traditional values.

Sure.

Tony and a g*ng
of quakers.

Look mona,
what do you do

When somebody sees
you as perfect?

I make'em buy me things.
Tony: why did I ask?

I had a problem
like that,

When jeannie gordan
had this major crush on me.

It can happen!

Oh, she drove me nuts!

Followed me everywhere.

She was like a puppy.

So one day at lunch
I made chocolate milk

Come out of my nose.

She looked at me, screamed
and ran into a closet.

And I never
heard from her again.

No, oh, no. Nah.

No, I don't even think
the chocolate milk

Out of the nose trick
is going to work

With this guy.
Oh, I don't know, dad.

Mason's got
a pretty weak stomach.

Mona: wait a minute.
Maybe my grandson

Has an idea here.

I mean, if you want mason
to think

That you're
not brilliant,

Write a lousy paper.

No way, mona. I'm not writing
a lousy paper

I just spent two weeks
writing a good paper.

Oh, but dad, a lousy paper only
takes 10, 15 minutes.

Trust me, I know.

Angela: you know,
I usually don't approve

Of academic high jinks,
but this may be

The shock therapy
that mason needs.

You know, a paper full
of historical inaccuracies,

Misnomers,
and assorted goofy stuff.

I don't do "goofy."

I mean--god, this goes against
every ethical principle

I hold dear.

Well, then hand in
your good paper

And for the rest
of semester,

Live with curse
of mason.



Tops.
Are you sure?

I'll get the pad...

[Bell ringing]

Okay, I'll have your essay's
back next class session.

And remember, guys--

History's just a thing
of the past.

Ha ha!

Mason: dean brown!

Welcome, sir,
welcome!

Brown: well, mason,
how's it going?

Oh, wonderful, sir.

I have a terrific bunch
of students.

But this guy...

This guy is tops!

Tony micelli,
my prize pupil.

Oh, he does go on.

Hello, dean brown.

Yes, hello.
By the way,

I've meaning to make
an appointment to talk to you

I think there's something
we need to discuss.

My door is ever open.

Well, thank you, sir.

Nice tie.

Sweet girl.
Yeah. She spreads sunshine

Where ever she goes.

Anyway mason,
I just wanted to find out

How you're doing,
see if you needed any help

Maybe look over
your lesson plans.

Are you're checking up
on me, sir?

Well, yes.

You know, if you'd really like
to see the work

We're doing in this class,

Why don't you just look
at these essays.

Uh, no, no, no.

I mean, I'm sure
the dean is so busy

That he probably
has lots of other things...

More important to do,
you know.

Actually, the idea
of a red pencil

In my hand,
poised to strike out

At the first
anachronism,

Excites me!

It excites me, too, sir.

Boy, you guys are
going to be excited.

Hi, tony.
You!

Hi, dad.
You!

Hi, tony.
And you!

I, uh, think
we're in trouble.

No, no, no,
you're not in trouble

I'm in trouble.
I'm the one

Who handed in
that phony essay,

You know, the one
you told me

To write, that's going
to solve all my problems?

Well, guess who's
reading it.

Gore vidal?

The dean!

That's terrible.

Why did you
listen to us?

It's gonna
be all right.

Don't get carried away.
There is a way out of this.

Oh, goody!
More advice.

Tony, all you have to do

Is go to the dean
and ask for the paper back.

Tony: oh, brilliant, angela.
That's really brilliant.

Then, he's going to ask me
why I wrote it,

I'm going to have to
tell him about mason

I'll get the kid
in trouble.

Yeah. That was
a dumb idea.

Tony: well, what kind of idea
do you have, mona?

I think you should talk
to samantha.

Yeah...

Okay.

Okay. All right.

I say, you got to take the rap
for the bad paper, dad.

If you squeal on mason, he'll
get chewed out by the dean,

Fall into a depression,
check into a sanitarium,

And then we'll never
hear from him again.

I could live with that.

Uh, dean--
may I call you dean?

Um, look, I have an intellectual
challenge for you.

Let's say i,
as a student,

Did something
incredibly stupid,

But for a good cause.

Unfortunately, a cause which
I cannot explain to you,

But if you knew,
you'd understand. Okay? Okay.

Now you, as a dean,

Have the power
to overlook this,

Not that
all deans would,

I mean, but I have a feeling
that you're a special dean,

You know, you're a dean
with a heart, a daring dean,

One who would turn back
the clock 24 hours

And pretend I never
handed in this essay.

Mr. Micelli, this is all
very interesting,

But I haven't read
your essay.

Never mind.

However, you have
piqued my curiosity.

I'll just give this
a quick perusal.

Well, aren't there other things
you'd rather peruse?

No, no, no.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mr. Micelli,
this stinks.

I know.

This is a joke?

Funny, huh?
No.

Why would you
write this drivel?

Dean, look,
it's tough.

I--i don't
want to tell you.

[Knock on door]
come in.

Hi, dean brown.

I heard my prize student
was here,

And I wanted
some reflected glory.

Reflect on this.

"lifestyles of
the old and grecian"?

Oh, it was
just a stupid...

Tony, this...

This...

Stinks.

Why--why would you
write this--this...

Drivel.
Mason: yeah! Why, tony?

I can't tell you now.

Tony, this isn't like you.

I mean, why would you treat
this assignment like a joke?

I had my reasons.

What possible reasons?

I can't tell you
right now.

Yes, you can.

Not in front
of the d-e-a-n.

That's me.

Look, nothing
that can't be said to me

That can't be said
in front of the dean.

Now, I respected you
as a student.

The least you can do is give me
the same respect as a teacher.

Okay, mason. Have a seat.

How could I have been
so blinded by gratitude?

I mean, tony's no genius,

He's not great scholar.

He's not the most brilliant
student in the world.

I mean he's not
even above--

Mason,
they get the point.

So what did
the dean say?

After he got all the story?

He accepted my resignation.

Oh, what a bummer.

Oh, that's okay. I wasn't
emotionally ready to teach.

I mean, any teacher
who'd show favoritism

To a student who wasn't
that smart, wasn't a genius--

Mason, we already
covered this.

I don't know. I guess
I'll start teaching

Again when I grown up
a little,

When I'm more mature,
when I have new perspective

On life...

When I'm 17.

Hey, look, mason.
Before you know it,

You'll be back
at the podium,

Coughing and sneezing
at the chalk dust.

Hey, you sure,
you're not mad at me?

Nah, I'm happy the way
how things turned out.

You mean it?

Okay, not happy,
but I'm alive,

I have my health...

And I have
a friend.

Ah...

Although I'll miss gazing
on those naked bodies.

Naked bodies?

You don't want to know.
Yes, I do.

No, you don't

I'll tell you later.
No, you won't.

[Doorbell rings]

I think that's for me.

I told my study date's
to meet me here.

Hi, mase.

Hi, cyn.

Bye, guys.

She's obviously
using him.

Yeah, if he's lucky.

Tony: who's the boss?
Will be back in a moment.

stick around.

How I'm doing?
Oh, you're pumping, baby.

You're pumping.
You are cooking.

You're a house of fire.
Great.

Let say we go another


You're on.
All right.

Like I always say, you know.

The key to fitness
is discipline--

I mean, in your exercise
and in your diet.

Yes. After all,
you are what you eat,

And I am
a chocolate cake.

[Theme music playing]