05x11 - Your Grandmother's a Bimbo

[bunniefuu]

[Theme music playing]

♪ there's a time for
love and a time for livin' ♪

♪ so take a chance
and face the wind ♪

♪ an open road and
a road that's hidden ♪

♪ a brand-new life
around the bend ♪

♪ there were times ♪

♪ i lost a dream or two ♪

♪ found the trail ♪

♪ and at the end was you ♪

♪ there's a path you take
and a path not taken ♪

♪ the choice is
up to you, my friend ♪

♪ nights are long
but you might awaken ♪

♪ to a brand-new life ♪

♪ brand-new life ♪

♪ a brand-new life
around the bend ♪

Okay, sports fans.

What do you say?
A little hot oatmeal

For breakfast?
Wouldn't that be nice?

Sam, think fast.
Good catch.

Jonathan, look up.
Ooh! I'm sorry.

Ooh, jonathan.
[Grunts]

Next time you're going to
have to wear a breakfast helmet.

That's okay.
I was thinking.

I have a big decision
to make.

Keep the whisker.

I was thinking about running
for treasurer of my class.

So, what's to think about?
Do it, man. Do it.

But keep the whisker.
Look what it did for lincoln.

Well, it would be
kind of neat.

I'd get to keep records,
do budgets, organize files.

Whoa! Will the fun
ever stop?

Good morning,
everyone.

Tony: oh, good morning,
angela.

Ooh, mr. Treasure,

Did you decide to throw
your calculator into the ring?

Well, I don't know.
This could be a tough election.

Well then you get tough.
You pound the pavement.

You shake hands,
kiss babies.

Angela, where he's gonna find
a baby in junior high school?

Suzy plimpton has one.

You stay away
from her.

Angela: sweetheart,
you and I both know

You would make
a terrific treasurer.

You've got
great ideas--

The milk fund,
dance fund...

All right, the pension plan's
a little much,

But at least
you're thinking.

Well, maybe I'll run.
Yeah.

[Telephone rings]
I got it. I got it.

Hello.
Oh, hi, stewart.

Uh, no, no,
angela's not here.

Uh, she's, uh,
she's hitchhiking.

Uh,

No, no, she's on
her way to work.

Yeah. Yeah,
she'll see you there.

Okay, stewart. Bye.

Stewart.
Don't tell me

He got another great idea

For the margarine
campaign.

This incentive
program drives me crazy.

Everybody and their mother
wants this hawaii trip.

Aloha!

Let's go to work.
Time is money.

Ooh, you rushing to work.

Have we entered
the parallel universe?

You bet. That trip
for two is mine.

For two? Mona,
did I ever tell you

You're the biggest influence
in my life?

That's why you're not going
with her to hawaii.

Fine.
See you later.

Angela: bye sweetheart
tony: bye-bye, sam.

Drive safe.

Boy, grandma, you're pretty sure
you're gonna win, aren't you?

Oh, there's only one thing
I ever lost in my life,

And that was a pleasure.

Mona.

What? I was talking
about my braces.

Come on, angela. Let's go,
let's go, let's go.

She hasn't had
breakfast yet.

She can grab breath mints
on the train.

All right. Okay.

Oh, hey, look.
Have some oatmeal.

Angela: aah!

Like mother,
like son.
[Chuckles]

Angela: mother,
what are you doing?

Stealing your rolodex.

Why?

So I can
call your contacts,

Land an account,
go to hawaii,

Meet a billionaire,

Marry him,

And never work
for you again.

Take both rolodexes,
mother.

Wait a minute, wait a minute,
wait a minute.

If you really want
to land an account,

Why don't you sit in
on the meeting with jake ashby.

Jake ashby? Wow!
He's a real babe.

Mother, clients
are not babes.

If you're going to sit in,
I expect you to be

Dignified
and reserved.

May I breathe?

Not deeply.

[Knocks on door]
yes?

Ms. Bower,
mr. Ashby's here.

Send him in.

Angela: jake.
Angela.

Angela: oh, so nice to see you.
Great to see you.

You look wonderful.
What did you do with your hair.

Are you kidding?

She--always has
beautiful hair.

Jake, this is one
of my associates,

Mona robinson,
and if you don't mind,

She'll be sitting in here
with us and observing.

Well, you'll be learning
from the master.

I know. I worship
the ground she walks on.

Why don't we just roll up
our sleeves and sit down.

Mona.
Oh, thank you, jake.

Angela: uh, jake, uh...

I've devised
a three-point plan

To reverse
the downward sales

Of mature woman
magazine.

Reverse away.

Number one, we'll use
demographic research

To increase
television exposure
in selected markets.

That's good.

Number two, piggyback a mail-in
sweepstakes promotion

With a proven campaign.

Good again.

And number three,
the piece de resistance,

A reduced
subscription rate

To every retirement
village in the country,

Followed by extensive
phone solicitations

Within all
those communities.

Angela,
I am impressed.
[Chuckles]

You have been doing
some good work here.

Thank you.
But hey,

It doesn't
work for me.

Well, it's been great
seeing you again.

And your hair really
does looks wonderful.

Wait a minute!

You didn't give me
a chance.

There's a lot I can do
for your magazine.

Yeah.
Let's trash it.

Pardon me?

Jake, there's something
you ought to know

About the women
that read your magazine.

Oh and what's that?
They're alive.

I mean, look at
these articles.

Ceramic painting,

Retirement homes--

Oh, and my
personal fave,

your garden--fun
or final resting place?

Oh, really.

I know, I know angela,
I spoke out of turn,

But look, I am a member
of your target audience,

And I got to
tell you something.

This dame on this cover
ain't been around

Since the truman
administration.

I say let's just
rip it apart,

Create a whole
new format

For magnetic,

Exciting,
mature people...

Like me.

What do you think,
angela?

I think it's brilliant.

I'm with you.

Congratulations, angela.
You've got the account.

Was there ever
any doubt?

Oh...yeah.

Hawaii.
Aloha.

Call when you've got
something to show me.

Oh, and one another thing.

I want her to be
my account exec.

Her?

Me?
Jake: that's right.

I want that girl.

[Upbeat music playing]

"Existence
precedes essence."

Existence precedes
essence.

What the heck
does that mean?

Hey, sam!

Hey, sam, could you turn
down that music, please?

Sam: what did you say, dad?
I couldn't hear you.

I'm trying to do
my philosophy homework

Down here.

Philosophy?
Yeah, yeah. You know,

As in, "I think
the stereo is blasting,

Therefore, I'm going to make
you turn it down."

Ah, but dad, one man's loud
music is another man's--

Migraine.
Turn it down.

You got it, plato.

[Chuckles]
plato. How cute.

"Existence
precedes essence."

Existence precedes
essence.

Hi, tony.

Hi, pal.

Exi--

Are you busy?
Tony: uh, no, no.

That's ok.
What's up?

I'm way down
in the polls.

They have polls
in junior high?

Well, not an official one,

But today at lunch,
one kid sat next to me,

And 28 sat
next to my opponent.

Well, you know
those polls.

What--are you kidding?
They've got a margin of error

Of plus or minus,
I don't know, 28 kids.

Face it.
I'm just not popular.

Oh, wait a minute, jonathan,
maybe you gotta go,

You know, you gotta be
outgoing.

Be friendly, huh.

Smile more.

All the most successful
politicians

Have been great
smilers.

I don't know.
Tony: hey.

Smiling is an art.

Let me show you.
Let me show you.

Here we have our
hundred dollars smile, okay?

Okay. And now, we have
our thousand dollars smile.

And then lastly,
we have our knock-em dead

Pearly white--"jeez, have you
just been to the dentist?"

Million dollar smile.

Now you try. Go ahead.

Now, that's worth about buck
and a quarter but...

Don't worry.
We'll keep working, jonathan.

We'll keep working.
Well, got any other ideas?

Let me think,
let me think--i know.

Do what big guys do.

Get endorsements.

Get influential kids
to vote for you,

And the rest follow.

Maybe I could talk
to troy richmond,

He's captain of
the football team.

You know him?

Yeah.
He beat me up twice.

Ah! The ties that bind.

And I can talk
to dwayne barfield,

The president of
the humanitarian club.

He beat me up, too.

I'll give you one thing,
jonathan.

People are drawn
to you.

You know, if get all the kids
that beat you up

To vote for you,
you'll win by a landslide

Good game plan.
Hey!

Hey, keep smiling.

Okay.

"Existence
precedes essence."

Existence
precedes essence.

Existence...

That means I exist,
so therefore...

Are you busy,
tony?

Uh, no, no.
What's up?

It's just that
I'm so...

Rrgghh with
this ad campaign.

Frustrated?
Mona: oh, does it show?

Don't worry, mona. You'll
come up with something.

Have faith.

I don't know, I got
writer's block.

I got ad block.

I got sunblock,
and I can't use it.

I should be
on a beach

Drinking
a piña colada

With the big kahuna.

And you will be, mona,
you will be.

But, you know,
it just come up with something

And finish
this account. Come on.

Right.

I just wish I could find
that sizzle in it.

Tony: mona, you are sizzle.

Zzzt! Ow!

Hey, do what you do best.

Be outrageous,
shake things up.

Yeah. I do shake good.

Tony: that's right baby.

Mona: thanks, tony.
Okay.

"Existence
precedes essence."

Existence
precedes essence.

Now, what does that mean?

It means,
the fact you exist at all

Is more important
than who you are.

She took this
course before.

[Doorbell rings]
oh, good.

Hi, troy.
Thanks for coming.

What are you
smiling at, bower?

Troy: so, uh,
where's this fox samantha

You say you'd introduce
me to?

Uh, she'll be here soon.

Why you don't you sit.
And I'll tell you about why

I'm running for office.
I want to see samantha.

Soon. Soon.

Uh...you sure she
likes younger guys?

Positive.

Anyway, if you want
a good treasurer--

When are you gonna show
the new def leppard video?

Oh, yeah.
And where are those

Triple-chocolate brownies
you promised us?

Yeah. I'm hungry.
[All talking together]

Uh, I'll be back
in a minute.

Don't leave.

Honey,
how's it going?

Oh, they're hungry,
and they're hostile.

Yeah, yeah. Wooing
those power brokers

Can be tough. Here.
Extra walnuts.

This will sway
the chubby vote.

Thanks, tony.
Ok, pal.

You go get'em, tiger.
Okay.

I have a feeling
he's going to do okay.

Oh, yeah. Of course.
Absolutely.

I'm going to make
more brownies.

These are
great, bower.

Oh, of course.

A good candidate
always keeps his promises.

Which brings to my point.
If elected--

Hello.

Oh, hello,
samantha.

I don't know
what you're up to,

But if I find out
it's not good,

You'll eatting these brownies
through a straw.

Have a nice day.

Wow! Beautiful
and vicious.

I like that in
a woman, bower.

So, can I give my speech now?

Oh, forget about
that, bower.

It's okay, bower.

You're not as geeky
as we thought.

And we'll tell everybody
to vote for you.

Tony: you got it.
Really? Great!

Attention.
It's the milk patrol.

Angela.
Yeah.

You're gonna
cost him votes.

Guess what. They're going to
support me,

And paul said I wasn't
as geeky as he thought.

Angela: oh!
Tony: oh!

There's no
higher praise.

Everybody,
congratulate me.

I just came
from jake's office,

And he loved my new ideas
about the magazine.

That's wonderful.

That's what he said.

And when I showed him
the new cover.

He got so excited
he did a somersault.

Oh, mother, let's see it.

Not in this skirt.

I meant the cover.
Oh, okay. Tony,

You said
do what you do best.

And that's what I'm doing.

All right, mone.

mature woman
is launching

A whole new
direction

Both inside
and out.

New advertisers,
new articles,

New readers,

And introducing
next month's cover

Of the new
mature woman magazine--

Ta-da!

Whoa!
Who's the babe?

Grandma?

Mother.

Mona.

That's your
grandmother?

Uh...

More brownies,
anyone?

I think they're more interested
in the cheesecake.

♪ doo doo
doo doo doo doo ♪

♪ doo doo doo doo
doo doo ♪

♪ doo doo doo ♪

Heh heh heh.

[Humming]

Tony.
I was reading the articles.

What articles?

Oh, I'm sorry.
Reflex action.

Tony, I still don't
know about this.

I mean, personally,

I wouldn't have
used these tactics.

Oh, personally,
you couldn't use these tactics.

Boy, is it difficult

To find a bikini
in the dead of winter.

What do you think?

No problem
with tan lines.

Jonathan: hi.
Angela: oh, hi.

Oh, woah, woah. Just a minute,
just a minute. Just a minute.

Oh, no.

You got in
a fight.

Tony: hey, let me see,
let me see.

Well, it's
not too bad,

But it must have got you
at least four more votes.
[Chuckles]

What happened pal?

I'm don't wanna
talk about it.

Well sweetheart, might help
feel better.

I said, I don't wanna
to talk about it.

Tony: okay, okay. Okay.
Come on. We'll get some ice.

I'm okay.
Hey,

That some shiner
sounds, slugger.

Hate to see what
the other guy looks like.

Leave me alone.

Please, just
leave me alone.

Especially you.

Okay, bub...

So what's the story?

You're in my room
and I don't want you here.

And my name's not bub.

Well, I'm not moving

Until I get the scoop
on that fight.

Well then, you're going to be
standing there a long time.

Well, I can take it.

[Whistling]

Okay. You want the scoop?

You're a bimbo.

That's what the kids
at school said

When they heard
about your picture--

"Your grandma's a bimbo,
ha ha ha."

"Your grandma's a bimbo,
bower."

Oh...

Now I see.

Bimbo?

Well, I've been
called worse things.
[Chuckles]

Everything's funny to you.

Well, it's not funny to me.

You're right.

So, what did you say
when called me that?

Nothing.

I slugged the little creep.

She went down
like a ton of bricks.

Then her boyfriend
pounded me good.

Ahh, you defended my honor.

My hero.

Hey, watch it,

I already nailed
one woman today.

Ohh, feisty.

I like that.

It reminds me of me.

I'm nothing like you.

I act my age

And I don't go around
ruining other people's lives.

What do you mean?

I could have been somebody.

I could have been
a treasurer.

But thanks to you,

I don't stand a chance.

I'm sorry but I didn't do this
to hurt you.

Why can't you be
a normal grandmother

Like everybody else's?

They knit, they bake,

They wear clothes.

Look, jonathan.

A long time ago,

I tried to be like
other grandmothers...

But it just
didn't work.

I mean...

You can't
make yourself

Be something
you're not.

Do you understand?

Yeah, I understand.

All you care about
is yourself.

Jonathan's
still not home yet huh?

Yeah.

Here you go.
Thanks.

I guess that means he lost
the election.

Oh, boy, pretty heavy
on the old pessimism, aren't we?

I mean, what's to say

He's not out celebrating
with the boys?

He lost.

What a week.

First, he gets humiliated
by his friends.

And he has a blowup
with mother. What's next?

Puberty.

Hi.

Anyone for
a mature woman?

Oh, you temptress, you.

Mother, you bought up
all the magazines.

No wonder I
couldn't find any.

Yes, I'm going to send them
to my former beaus.

Let'em read'em
and weep.

And drool.

I bet they won't be
reading the articles.

Hi, everybody.

Yeah? Yeah?

Jonathan: I won!

I told you.

Oh, I'm so proud of you.
All right.

Well, I had the most
organized campaign

And the best platform.

That's what
turned the voters.

That, plus my opponent
moved to rhode island.

Oh, hey, hey, take it any way
you can, right?

And you were worried.

Well, I decided
not to let them get to me,

You know what,
they didn't.

That's my buddy, huh.
Hey.

♪ happy days
are here again ♪

♪ the sky above
is clear again ♪

[Together]
♪ so let's sing
a song of cheer again ♪

♪ happy days
are here again ♪

There's a victory
celebration,

And I wasn't invited?

Mona robinson,
congratulations.

Your grandson is
an elected official.

I knew
you could do it.

Grandma...

Yes, dear.

I, uh...

Uh, d-d-d-don't we
have to go somewhere,

Like, uh, like the kitchen?

I was thinking maybe
we should go to the den.

Can't eavesdrop from the den.
Kitchen.

[Humming happy days
are here again]

Grandma...

Remember when I said

I wished you were
a normal grandmother?

Vaguely.

Well, I didn't mean it.

And I also
didn't mean it

When I said that all you cared
about was yourself.

Oh, yes. It's all
coming back to me now.

And that
I wished you away

And never came back.

You never said that.

Well, I was thinking it.

Grandma, I'm sorry.

Do you still like me?

Jonathan, come here.

You know, I may not be
a normal grandmother,

And I may not be the
greatest grandmother...

But I do have
something in common

With those knitters
and bakers.

I love my grandchild.

Do you love me enough
to take me to hawaii?

Don't press
your luck, bub.

Look at my
two little ones.

I knew I raised
them right.

Isn't it great things
turned out so well?

Yeah. I still got
a shot at hawaii.

Tony: who's the boss?
Will be back in a moment

stick around.

"The death of dogma

Is the birth
of reality."

The death of dogma

Is the birth
of reality.

What the hell
does that mean?

Are you busy?

Ah...dogma can wait.

I was thinking
about this whisker.

I don't know. Should I keep it
or shave it?

And if I shave it, should I use
the straightedge or electric?

And if I use an electric,
should I use a rotary--

Ow!

"The death of dogma
is the birth of reality."

[Theme music playing]