05x24 - In Sam We Trust

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[Glass breaks]
mona: damn.

Mona, is everything
all right in there?

Mona: yeah, fine, fine.
Nothing important.

Just angela's
phi beta kappa mug.

But you go back to studying
for the finals.

Leave the housework
to us.

Okay.

[Glass breaks]

Mona: damn!

Mona.

I never liked
this pattern anyway.

You stick with
the books, big guy.

Okay.

[Crash]
mona: ah, damn!

Ohh.

Oh, you taking
a break?

Don't say break.

How's the history
studying going?

Oh, it's going
great, angela.

You know, I have this
foolproof method

For memorizing dates--
history poems.

Check this out, check this out.

"Though I don't know
where yalta may be,

Roosevelt went there
in 1943."

That's great.

How about this one,
how about this one?

"The allies stopped
the axis drive

In 19-hundred-45."

I love it.

And here's my
personal favorite.

"In 1933,
japan conquered china.

Nothing could make
hirohito feel finer."

Oh! Oh,
that's just great.

Oh let...
Let me try one.

Um...

In 1938, hitler invaded
czechoslovakia...

Uh-oh.

And then
they all went out

For coffee
and baklava.

Ia.

Ooh, move over,
robert frost.

[Car drives up]

Oh, gosh.
I hope that's sam, you know.

The library closed
about an hour ago.

I don't want her hanging out
with some tom, d*ck, or joe.

Hey, I'm getting
good at this.

Oh, I knew it, I knew it.
She's with a guy, with a guy.

apres vous.

merci, monsieur
mckenzie.

allo, papa.

allo, papa.

Sorry we're late, but scott and
I were studying for a final.

Oh, sure, sam, sure.

You expect me
to believe that?

You come in here
giggling with some guy,

Talking french.

You know what? What final
were you studying for?

French.

Oh, okay.

I was terrific
in foreign languages.

I'm happy for you, angela.

Hey listen, scott,

I'm sorry I jumped
down your throat there.

But, uh, you know
it's final time for me, too.

I'm... I'm really
feeling the pressure.

Yeah, I can relate.

Oh, please, I don't know
why you're so nervous, scott.

Scott is
a straight "a" student.

Tony: ooh!
But not in french.

Oh, I was a straight "a"
student.

Don't worry about it
you'll get an "a" in the final,

And then,
an "a" in the class,

And you'll get
that scholarship to college.

Oh, I got
a scholarship.

Scott is gonna be
the first in his family

To go to college.

Hey, me, too. I'm beating
my daughter by three years.

Congratulations, sir.
You're never too old, huh?

Or too young.

So when can we
finish studying?

Uh, how about tomorrow?

I can't, I got track
and field meet.

I was in
track and field.

How about
wednesday?

Uh, no, that's when I volunteer
at the health clinic.

What's the matter,
angela?

Didn't you volunteer
at the health clinic?

No. Why do you ask?

No reason.

It was
a nursing home.

Well, we'll
work it out.

Thanks again.
Bye-bye.

Tony: bye-bye, scott.

Bye.

Hey. Scott, huh?

Ooh, samantha.

"A" average,
scholarship material,

Volunteers
at the health clinic,

Track and field.

Sounds pretty good.

Is he, uh,
going with anybody?

Dad, we're
just platonic.

Oh, sam, why do all the
great guys have to be
just platonic?

Oh, I had lots
of platonic friends.

That we know.

I aced it, I aced it.
I finally aced a french exam.

That's great, bonnie.
So you got
the trick question

On the present
subjunctive?

What trick question?

Oh, so you missed one.

I bet you got
the part on irregular verbs.

There was a section
on irregular verbs?

Yes. Right after the section
on infinitives.

Infinitives?

Oh, there goes
my "c" average.

Sam, sam, how was
the french test?

Oh, don't worry about it,
you'll be fine.

Fine? I have to
take this in 10 minutes.

I couldn't
remember a thing.

I'm not fine.

Hi, scott, how are you?
You want to go out?

Bonnie, as soon as
I take this exam,

I'm gonna jump
off a cliff.

Oh. How about
after that?

Bonnie, time to
au revoir.

au revoir.

au revoir--
that's french, right?

Scott...

No. I'm, serious.
I'm flipping out here.

Scott, I just took the test.
It wasn't that hard,

You'll do great.

How can I do great?
I can't even remember

The compound past tense.

Don't worry about it.
It wasn't on the test.

What was on it?

Um...
Okay, well, you...

Have to know how to conjugate
the verb pouvoir.

pouvoir?
I don't know pouvoir.

I'm going to flunk.

Scott.
No. This means no scholarship,

No college,
no future.

Scott,
you know this.

Okay. The answer is--

je peux,
tu peux,

il peut,

nous pouvons,

vous pouvez,

ils peuvent.

Okay. What about
the second question?

Okay. The second question
is a trick question

It's on present subjunctives.

h*, h*, h*, h*.
My exam is over.

History
is now history.

Great. I wish chemistry
was history.

But chemistry is chemistry,

And I hate it,
I hate it, I hate it.

Oh, samantha, you're in luck,
in luck, in luck.

Because I don't have to start
studying for my biology final

Until tomorrow so,

Can I help you?

You?
Hey?

Okay, what do you know about
the molecular structure?

Sam, you are looking
at a 170-pound

Lean, mean
molecular machine.

Stay right here,
sweetheart.

Sam, just accept it.

You're gonna
fail chemistry.

I could have
told you that.

Implode, worm.

Implosion
is physics, sam,

But how would
you know that?

Samantha,
samantha.

Chemistry is
our friend, sam.

Without chemistry,
we wouldn't have penicillin

Or, uh,
computer chips or, uh...

Nail polish.

You have to put it on a level
she can relate to.

Bye.

Hey, you little
wisenheimer.

All right. Listen, sam,
we're going to use

The tools that scientists
have employed throughout history

To explore the mysteries
of physical science.

Tinker toys.

This could be worse
than those rhymes.

Sam, don't make fun
of my rhymes.

They got me through
my difficult times.

All right. Sam,
what we're going to do now

Is we are gonna build
a water molecule.

Okay. Now, this is
an oxygen atom.

Right.
Okay?

And this...

Is a hydrogen atom.

Right.
And this...

Another
oxygen atom?

No. It's
mr. Potato head's lips.

I've been looking
all over for these.

Oh, tony.

Oh, angela,
look, look, look.

It's mr.
Potato head's lips!

Where did
you find them?

In with
the tinker toys.

Man, you guys are sad.

Tony, I made up
some history poems for you.

Angela, that--that-- that
final's over, angela.

Oh, tony, but the learning
never stops.

Groovy neil armstrong
sent us a line

When he landed
on the moon in '69.

Is she
still at it?

She's driving
me crazy.

I've got another one.

Jfk of boston, mass--

One more rhyme,
I kick your--

Mona!

[Doorbell rings]

I got it.

Crazy house.

bonjour tout le monde.

bonjour
to you, too.

So, sam, you studying hard?

Yeah, but I'll be doing
a lot better

Once I get
your chem notes.

Well, here you go.
My best work.

Oh, great.
If this doesn't help me,

Nothing will.

Whoa, sam,
what about my tinker toys?

Scott has won the science expo
three years running.

Well, hey, if you need my help,
just call me.

How did you do
on the french test?

Well, thanks to you,
great.

But, you know,
it's really weird,

As soon as the test was over
and the pressure was off,

It all came right back to me.

[Speaking french]

Boy, talk
about lousy aim.

Samantha: come on.
Now, on to chemistry.

le major bummer.

I've been working
on the molecular structure.

I don't
understand it.

Where's tony?

He's looking for
mr. Potato head's feet.

What's wrong?

I just heard,
uh...

What?

Hi.

[Speaking french]

Are you guys
talking about sex?

Don't be silly,
dear.

I'm talking
to your mother.

[Speaking french]

What?
Wh-wh-wh-wh-what?

What does tony furrier mean?
What does it mean?

If you find out,
let me know.

What? What?
What am I furrier than?

Mona: well, okay.

I'll tell him.

I was in the kitchen,
and I over heard--

You tell him.

Sam gave scott the answers
to the french test.

What?
My sam cheated?

[Cursing in italian]

My sam cheated?
I don't believe it.

Sam, say it ain't so.

It ain't so.

Thank god.
What ain't so?

Where's scott?
He ain't here.

Sam, did you give scott
the answers to the french test?

Since when do you speak french?

During the occupation,

I was in paris.

And I was occupied
every saturday night.

Mother, you're a little girl
in connecticut during the w*r.

I know, but it was such
a good joke.

Mother, I think tony and sam
have some talking to do.

All right, all right.
But I just want to get

One thing clear.
During the w*r

I was not a little girl,
I was an infant.

World w*r ii.

Sam, do me a favor. Go upstairs,
get the keys to your car

Bring them down to me

Because you're going to be
walking for a month.

What did I do?

You cheated.

I did not cheat.
I took the test fair and square.

Yeah, but then you gave
your friend the answers.

In my book,
that's cheating.

Dad, he knew the answers.
He just blanked.

Look, if I didn't help scott,

He would have
blown his scholarship.

And would you have denied him
the chance to go to college

Because he couldn't
conjugate the verb pouvoir?

Oh, oh, oh. Don't use that
language around me, young lady.

Look, I don't care how right
you think you are,

You can't just go
bending the rules, sam.

Today it's a french exam,
tomorrow

You sit in front
of the senate subcommittee

Taking the fifth.

Dad, you've been watching
too much c-span.

Well, that may
very well be true,

But you will find out,
there are consequences

To your actions,
young lady.

Dad, it was
only a french test.

Sam, it's not
just a french test,

It's more than that.

It's a question
of right and wrong.

And you gonna have plenty
of time to think about it

As you're walking
to and from school

For the next
six weeks.

Six weeks? A minute ago
you just said it was four.

Well, that was before I realized
that you didn't even understand

The consequences
of what you did.

I'm sorry, dad.

I just don't think everything
is black and white.

Tony, you still furrier?

I'm beyond furrier,

I'm disappointed, angela.

Tony, she's a kid.

She made one mistake.

She's gonna make a lot more,
and she'll learn from them.

Angela, this has nothing to do
with being a kid or an adult.

It's a matter
of right and wrong.

Somewhere along the line

Her values got twisted.

I'm telling you.
It's hard for me to believe

Anything she says now.

Here, look.

Baby mona, 1943.

Mother, the ink is still wet.

Hi sam, are you ready for
your chem final?

Bonnie,
ask me a question.

Okay.

Um...

Does scott like me?

Forget it.

Bonnie, I'm going
to fail chemistry.

Oh, sam.

Hey, guys.

Hi.
Hi, scott,
how are you?

Uh, fine.

Thanks.

So can I talk
to you?

Sure.

Oh. I'll wait for you
over there.

So you ready
for your chem exam?

Oh, are you kidding?

Well, you are now.
Surprise.

It's the ultimate
study guide.

See, I wrote down
the answers

To my test
last period.

Oh. Um, scott, you shouldn't
have done this.

Well, come on.
It's my way of saying thanks.

No, I don't
want it.

I won't use it.

Sam, it's only
one chem test.

[Bell rings]

Listen here. In case you get
into any trouble.

Which way
did bonnie go?

Thanks.

All right. You will have
exactly 55 minutes.

Please write
your answers clearly.

You may turn over
your exam papers

And begin when
I give the signal.

That was the signal.

You may begin.

So, how's the
studying going?

Oh, its going great.

Welcome to the wonderful
world of genetics.

We have
the dominant genes

Here we have
the recessive genes.

"Grandpa micelli--brown hair,
brown eyes, brown mustache.

Grandma micelli--blue eyes,
brown hair, black mustache."

That's funny because
the way I figure it,

Sam should be
a 6-foot tall bald guy

With a brown mustache.

Um, maybe you
should take a break.

You know what they say,

Starve a cold,
feed a final.

No, no. I'll pass.

Oh, sure you'll pass.

But you'll get
a better grade if you eat.

Angela.
Okay.

I'll just
sit here quietly.

And have myself a snack.

Okay.

Whew, I'm tired.

I just washed
all those dishes.

Well, the survivors
anyway.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Ooh.

Angela.

I'm sorry.

Mmm.

Ahh.

[Burp]

[Crunch]

Oh, would you please,
cut it out!

What did I do?

You're chewing,
you're drinking, you're burping!

[Telephone rings]

Ohh. I'll get it.
I'm not busy.

Uhhh!

[Ring]

Hello.

Yeah. This is
mr. Micelli.

Uh-huh.

What?

No.

I'll be right down.

Who was that?

Mr. Timmons.
Samantha's chemistry teacher.

He says he caught
her cheating on his final.

He wants to see me.

"6-Foot tall bald guy
with a brown mustache."

I knew it.
Sam is not my real daughter.

Mr. Timmons, for the 10th time
I did not cheat.

And for the 10th time
I found this.

That is all the proof I need.

Now, would you please
take your seat.

Samantha,
what's going on?

Uh, mr. Micelli?
Yeah?

I'm kevin timmons.

Let me get right to the point.

I caught sam
with a crib sheet.

Well, are you sure?

Found it
under her desk.

Samantha,
is this yours?

Well, technically--
no technically, sam.

Did you or did you not
bring this into the classroom?

Yes or no?

Yes, but--
tony: no, no, sam.

No more buts,
no technicallys,

No more rationalizing.

Yes, I brought it in,
but no, I did not cheat.

Oh, boy.
I wish I had a nickel

For every time
I heard that.

Mr. Timmons.

Dad.

I did not cheat.

I did nothing wrong.

I never looked
at this crib sheet.

Ahh.

You believe me,
don't you, dad?

Sam,
I'm trying, sam.

I'm really trying.

But you don't.

Well sam, you had
the crib sheet.

Yes, I had the crib sheet

And yes,
it has the answers but--

Wait a minute.

"The law of diffusion."

I did not put that.

In fact, I didn't put
most of these answers.

Here. See
for yourself.

Will you now
check my test?

Please?

Mm-mmm.

Mmm.

Mm-mmm what?

Not good.

You know, maybe you should
have used this thing

While you had the chance.

Mr. Micelli.

Your daughter's
not a cheater.

She's a "d" student.

All right, sam!

No, not so
all right.

You still brought a crib sheet
into an examination.

That in itself
is a serious offense--

An offense
that should get you an "f."

An "f"?

Well...

Since you've never caused
me any trouble in the past,

I will, uh, I'll let
the "d" stand.

A "d" is good.
Sam.

No, not that good.
Not that good.

I can do better.

I will do better.

Boy, am I glad
finals are over.

Bye-bye, mr. Timmons.

Well, I guess I better
walk home now.

You know, dad.

It was really
scary there for a while.

Nobody believed me.

Well, that was scary
for me too, sam.

It was the first time
in your whole life

That I couldn't believe you.

You know, that french test
threw me off.

I wish that
never happened.

Oh, yeah.

But you know what?

You were right.
Oh, h* h* h*.

Of course
I was right.

About what?

About bending
the rules.

You know,
the consequences.

And I thought losing
the car was bad.

But that was nothing

Compared to you
not believing in me.

Well, sweetheart,
we all make mistakes
in judgment.

Ohh.
Ohh.

I love you.

Oh, well, now that I suffered
through the big consequences.

I get my car back, right?

Nah, sam. Another mistake
in judgment.

I'll walk with you.

Good enough.
Okay.

Tony: who's the boss?
will be back in a moment.

stick around.

Mona: ♪ i love to work
in the kitchen ♪

♪ i love to work,
work, work ♪

Uh, hey, isn't mona
a good sport?

You know, she's doing
all those dishes

So I can
keep studying.

[Glass breaks]
mona: damn!

It's a mixed blessing.

Well, actually, she was going
to go out on a date,

But I insisted
that she stay

Until she did
the rest of her chores.

Oh, angela.

Then I got to go in there
and thank her for that.

Excuse me.

Mona! Mona!

Mona: ♪ i love to work
in the kitchen ♪

♪ i love to work,
work, work ♪

[Glass breaks]
mona: damn!

[Theme music playing]