06x06 - Mother and Child Disunion

[bunniefuu]

[Theme music playing]

Singer: ♪ there's a time for
love and a time for livin' ♪

♪ take a chance
and face the wind ♪

♪ an open road and
a road that's hidden ♪

♪ a brand-new life
around the bend ♪

♪ there were times ♪

♪ i lost a dream or two ♪

♪ found the trail ♪

♪ and at the end was you ♪

♪ there's a path you take
and a path not taken ♪

♪ the choice is
up to you, my friend ♪

♪ nights are long,
but you might awaken ♪

♪ to a brand-new life ♪

♪ brand-new life ♪

♪ a brand-new life
around the bend ♪

Boy, those ad people
eat like pigs.

Major run on the rumaki.
Oh, we're out of rumaki.

Push
the mushroom caps.

We're out
of mushroom caps.

Uh, push the shrimp.

That wasn't
the shrimp I meant.

[Laughs] oh, richard.
That's very good.

Excuse me.

Tony we're out of rumaki,
we're out of mushroom caps.

Don't worry angela,
I'm calling in the cheese ba*ls.

Get out there and mingle
with those guests okay.

Angela, you okay?

Yeah, yeah, it's just,
I'm a little nervous.

Some of the biggest names
in advertising are out there.

Hey, but remember that's
the point of this party, right?

To give the agency some buzz.
So get out there and buzz.

Hey, and remember
one thing

You're as good
as any those guys

And you look better in heels.

You're just saying that.

No, no, I saw that guy
jim stone's

Bette midler imitation.

Oh, horrible.

Oh, seriously. Seriously,
you look great angela.

Hey, that new campaign
you came up with

"For me" perfume,

Brilliant.
Me, it's you.

That is a good slogan.

[Blows raspberries]

Thank you.
Thank you mother.

Excuse me, angela,
didn't you mention

That ed pfeifer
was coming tonight?

Oh, of course.
He's flying in from chicago

I had a limo's picking him up
at the airport.

Oops.

Oops?

Don't tell me you didn't forget
to send the limo?

Uh, richard--richard,
have you tried our mixed nuts?

Guaranteed,
no two handfuls alike.

They're right next
to the mints.

Mixed nuts.
That piques my curiosity.

Mother, mother, you know
how important this is to me.

I'm getting fed up with you,

I can't count on you
for anything.

What? I showed up for your
stupid soiree, didn't i?

I'll give you
a soiree!

All right.
Relax, relax.

What is this here?

You know, you two
are driving me crazy.

I can't think straight.

I'm cutting the chicken
livers against the grain.

Okay, okay.
I forgive you.

Oh, you forgive me?

All right. Now where
were those cheese ba*ls?

Oops.

Well, they weren't
very good anyway.

Why you...

Tony: in 1987,
four, count them,

Four of angela's clients

Actually doubled their profits.

And in 1988, six--six.

Actually increased their
business over 30 percent.

Oh, that's
very interesting,

But you didn't answer
my question.

Oh, it's around the stairs
to the right.

You'll think about
my proposition?

Of course.
Good.

You know, I think you and I
would really be great together.

Well,
good night, angela.

May I
call you a cab?

No, thank you. I really
have to get home tonight.

I will see you
tomorrow.

Yes.

Wow!

What was that all about?

Did I detect
the possibility

Of some imminent
bed bouncing?

[Squeak squeak]

Mother, we were
discussing business.

Why do I even ask?

Tony, the most incredible
thing just happened.

What? What happened?
A few minutes ago,

Richard asked if I'd be
interested in a merger.

A merger?

Shh!

Oh. Oh, a m*rder.

A m*rder. I thought
you said merger.

She said m*rder.

Braden, burton & cowle

Is one of the heavyweight
agencies on the street.

Hey, then, I guess that buzz
I was giving you tonight

Worked out pretty good, huh?

Well, actually he said he's been
following my career for years.

But I'm sure
your buzzing helped.

Don't patronize me,
angela.

Wow. Who
would have thought?

I guess I never gave myself
credit for how good I really am.

Hey, yo. Let me tell you.
You're the best.

Thanks.

You're pretty
great yourself.

I'm sure it's business
again, so I won't ask.

h*. h*.

Good morning.
Oh. Here she is--

America's most wanted
merger suspect.

Get it?
Tony.

I couldn't sleep
at all last night.

Hey, me either.

That jim stone's tina turner
imitation scared
the hell out of me.

Come on angela,
don't worry about a thing.

This meeting
is gonna go great.

Oh, I hope so.
I hope you're right.

All night long,
all I could think about

Was little angela bower
with braces on her teeth,

Knock knees.
And here I'm being wooed

By the hottest shop
on madison avenue.

Tony, who'd have thought
it would turn out like this?

Yeah, that orthodontist
did a good job.

Where's mother?
I don't wanna be late.

Angela relax.
Now did you ever think

That maybe your mother's
taking the extra time

To look good so that
you'll look good?

Well, see? See?

Doesn't she
look good, huh?

I mean--
now, wait a minute

Now, wait a minute. This could
work to your advantage you know.

Matching outfits.
It says teamwork.

It says unity of purpose.

It says--
nah. It says geeks.

I'll go change.

No wait. I will go change.

If I wait for you, I won't
get there till friday.

What is it with her?

I think this
entire merger meeting

Is a big waste of time.

Oh, and why is that, mona?

Braden's a yutz.

Now there's a detailed
analysis.

Look, mona, I know

That you wouldn't do
anything consciously

To blow this deal
for angela.

Yeah, I would.

Come on mona, you know,
ever since angela's

Been a knock-kneed kid
with braces,

She's been dreaming
of a shot like this.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, she got her knees
from her father.

Oh, mona.

Oh, come on. Give me
a little credit here.

Of course
I'll keep an open mind.

You think
those knees were bad?

You should see her overbite

She looked like
a bottle opener.

[Intercom buzzes]

Yes? Oh. Send her in.

Angela.
Richard.

I'm so glad
to see you.

You know,
something tells me

That you and I are
right on the threshold of--

Mona?

Hi, richard.

Want a limo?

You remember my secretary.

She'll be taking notes.

Well, your choice.

This is stacy.

She'll be taking
notes as well,

Just in case.

Now--

Nice digs.

I thought
I'd tell you first

What I expect
from a merger.

Webster
defines merger

As the joining of
separate entities.

I define merger
as...

As the joining
of strengths,

Kind of a melding
of powers

For the betterment
of all.

Oh, is it me,
or is it hot in here?

As you were saying,
richard?

You know what, angela?

I don't think we need
two secretaries for this.

Mona, why don't
you go get some coffee,
take a look around?

Suits me.

It works every time.

No offense, angela,

But where
did you find that woman?

At the end of
my umbilical cord.

I use a walkman
when I work, too.

If this merger goes through,
we can trade tapes.

So what are you,

Metal head, punk,
techno freak, what?

Actually I'm transcribing notes
from a meeting.

Mona: whoa!

Anybody got dibs
on joe armani?

We have a policy
against employees dating.

Yeah. Office affairs
can be uncomfortable

For everyone involved.

Not if the supply room's
carpeted.

I think we can assimilate
all of the employees

Into the new structure.

However,
there is one

That I have great
concerns about.

My mother.
Richard: yes.

Richard,

I know that my mother
is unconventional,

But she is also sincere,
she's personable,

And deep down, she is
a dedicated professional.

Hey, guys,

I know this is going
to take a little while,

So I just thought
maybe I would pop out

And get a pedicure.

Ciao.

She has a lot
of open-toed shoes.

So, you see, samantha,
if this merger goes through,

We're gonna be having a lot
more of these parties.

And of course,
I'm gonna need you to help out.

So now, a little constructive
criticism, okay?

You don't just pass
hors d'oeuvres.

You present them
thusly.

Dad, does the phrase child labor
law mean anything to you?

Sam, does the phrase
no more allowance ever

Mean anything to you?

So you hold it like this?
That's right.

[Door closes]

Oh, keep practicing.

And next we'll work
on liquid transport.

Be still, my heart.

Ladies!

Oh, how did it go?
Tell me, tell me.

How did it go?
Can you believe it?

She's actually considering
merging with braden.

Congratulations!

Aw, shut up!

She is impossible.

Mother can't you think
for just a minute?

What a good career move
this might be?

So what?

I would be miserable there.

You would--

For once in your life,
can't you think about me?

Okay. You would
be miserable there.

She is impossible.

Tony, will you help me
out here.

How could you tell me
to shut up like that?

Mother, you are
making me crazy.

Oh, yeah? You want to know
what makes me crazy?

What?
The way you pick your teeth

When you talk
on the phone.

My god. If we ever start
using picture telephones,

You're gonna lose
half your business.

Don't start, mother.

Don't start with me.

Oh, I'm shaking
in my pumps.

Hold it now. Hold on here.

Hold on.
I got something to say.

Well, alright. I'm sorry
I told you to shut up.

Well, that's not it.

But I'm glad
you said something,

Although now
it's a little late.

You know what I mean?

Tony, I know
what you're going to say--

"What's the matter
with you people?

"You're not gonna settle
anything by arguing.

You're family."

Mona: yeah.

"Let's have a little
understanding and love here.

A little
cooperation, okay?"

That's not me.
That's stallone.

And anyway,
that's not it.

Wanna know what I think?

I think you two should stop
working together,

Give it up, give it a rest,
give it up.

Never have a job
within a mile of each other

For the rest of your lives.

Well, I didn't see
that coming.

You know, what you
two remind me of? You remind
me of the senuto brothers.

Oh, all right, all right.

But let me tell you,
there's a lot
that can be learned

From my colorful past.

Joey and johnny senuto

They happen to own
a greeting card shop

On euclid avenue.

And for 35 years
they argued about everything.

So, one day,
they were arguing

About where to put
the get-well cards,

When joey whips out an ax

And chops off his brother
johnny's head.

Oh, my god!

What happened?

Well, we started shopping
at woolworth's you know.

But what it says is that
sometimes

Business and family
just don't mix.

You know what?

I think tony's right.

Definitely.

I think it's a great
idea tony,

An inspiration.

Well, what can I say?
It's a gift.

You know what?
This will make everybody happy--

You, me, richard--

Richard?

And why will richard
be happy?

He just thought that...

Maybe you'd be happier

Not being
an executive secretary.

He told you
to dump your own mother?

He told you
to dump your own mother?

We'll find a lovely
new position for you.

Well, they'll find a lovely
new position for you.

You dumped
your own mother?

And I gave you
my kidney.

No, you didn't.

Well now if you ever
need one, I won't.

Here you are, angela.
Nice pancakes.

Good morning mother.
Die.

See that angela,
I told you she'd start
talking to you again.

Mother your behavior this last
week has been ridiculous.

No, you are not going to make
me feel guilty,

I offered you another position
in the company

And you thumbed
your nose at it.

That wasn't my thumb.

All right. I'm going to work,
I will see you tonight.

All right,
bye angela.

Come on, huh, mona?

You can't
stay mad forever.

Let me
tell you something.

When hate
fills your heart,

It drives
the loving out.

Are you defending her

Or writing
a country song?

It ain't funny,
ma'am.

"Experience required.

"Experience required.

Must be motivated."

Oh, well.

Wait a minute. You're reading
the help wanted?

Hmm, I miss working.
[Laughs]

No. Really.

Why are you
reading that?

I miss the train ride
into the city.

I miss lunch,
I miss straggling in late

And sneaking out early.

Yeah. You missed
getting paid to goof off.

Hey, don't expect me
to do it for nothing, do you?

Hey, let me tell you
something.

Angela's the only one

Who's gonna pay you
to do that.

Ha. You watch.

Hello.

I'm calling
about your ad.

On a scale
from 1 to 10,

How hard would you
say this job is?

Uh-huh.

And how concerned are you
about promptness?

And are you near any
major shopping districts?

I sound lazy?

Well, you sound fat.

So much for the job
at weight watchers.

Uh, kelly, what do
you think of these?

They're nice.

No, I mean do they grab
you, leave you cold,

Make you wanna go, pfff?

No, they're nice.

Thanks.

Thanks...

Kelly.

♪ coffee ♪

♪ doughnuts ♪

♪ doughnuts ♪

♪ coffee ♪

♪ doughnuts ♪

♪ coffee ♪

♪ piping hot ♪

Mother!

That's java lady to you.

Mother, what are
you doing here?

Earning a living.

I know why you're doing
this--

You're trying
to make me feel guilty.

That, and the free
doughnuts.

Nah, no good.

No good.

Ah! That's a peach.

Yeah, that is,
isn't it?

I'm not talking to you.

♪ doughnuts ♪

♪ coffee ♪

♪ coffee
piping hot ♪

Black, one sugar,
please.

Mona!

So glad
to see you.

Angela, there are few things I
like to go over with you please.

Angela: fire away.

Your coffee,
mr. Braden.

Thank you mona.

Now, if you
will excuse me,

I have two more floors
to service

Before I scrub the stairs.

[Humming "song of
the volga boatmen"]

Ugh!

Angela, I was going over
your client list.

Then there's a few here
that don't fit

Into the braden burton
cowle & bower profile.

Richard, you're
not suggesting

That I let go some
of my smaller clients?

Angela, this is the time
to make those tough decisions.

Well, I don't think you
understand

Those are the people--
you'll be fine.

Oh, and by the way,

You don't have worry anymore
about coming up with a slogan

For me perfume.

I don't?
No, ted had a revelation

This morning while shaving.
He came up with something

That's wonderful.
You're going to love it.

Damn.

A clean phone.

The mark of a champion
housekeeper.

Wow.

Hey, mona!

Where you been?

Working.

You got a job?
Great!

I quit.

"Property of braden burton
& cowle."

Severance pay.

Some guy's
wife and kids.

I heard someone coming.
I grabbed what I could.

Mona, I hope you weren't
there bothering angela.

No, I didn't have to.
Angela is miserable.

Oh, come on. What are you
talking about miserable?

She's happy.
This morning at breakfast

She had to say "she's happy"


Dad people don't go
around saying

They're happy,
when they're happy.

Sure, they do sam.
I've done it.

And look I'm happy now.
Right? Watch.

Hey...

I'm happy!

You're right.
People don't do that.

I know my daughter.

She wants out
of that merger.

Yeah, well, how do you know
that, mona?

Because I overheard her
being humiliated by braden.

I think this whole merger thing
was a mistake.

But she's never going to
admit it.

You know how stubborn
angela is.

Hi, hi!
Hi, hi!

You know, angela,
you seem so...happy.

I am.

Oh, my poor
little baby.

Angela, we have to talk.
Come sit here.

What is it?

Now, angela,
I know you're happy.

I am so happy...

Oh...tsk, tsk.

Well, I'm not.

I miss working
with you.

My life
is incomplete.

And I know
this is very selfish,

But please, please pull
out of that merger.

I want the bower agency
to be the way it was.

You do?

No, not exactly the way
it was--better.

Because this time
you are going to have

A topnotch executive secretary.

Who?
Yeah, yeah, who?

Me.

I'll learn
shorthand.

I'll learn to type.

I'll learn to fax,
whatever that is.

Mother, you'd do all that

Just for a chance to work
with me again?

Angela, angela, she's one
desperate woman.

Tell her how
desperate you are mona.
Go ahead.

I am desperate.

Yeah, yeah. Tell her you'll come
in on time every day.

Right mona, you tell her?

I'll come in on time
every day.

And you'll never leave early
from now on.

Right mona tell her.
Go ahead, tell her.

And I'll never leave
early from now on.

Yeah and no more of those
three-hour lunches for mona,

Right, mon?

Lunch at my desk
every day.

Now tell her you swear.

You never know how much.

I didn't
appreciate you

Until you
were gone.

I need you.

Oh, mother...

I need you, too.

Oh, hey, yo!

Now that's what
I call a merger.

Good. Let's
call braden

And tell him the whole
thing is off.

I already told him.

Huh?

I called the merger off
this afternoon.

Huh?

You were right, mother.
I wasn't happy.

Uh-huh?

And now you've come to me and
you've made all these promises.

Mother, you...

You are so very,
very special.

Get your hands off of me!
You tricked me!

Mother I did not trick you!

You know, you are always
accusing me of something.

You're wrong.

Uh, don't tell me I'm wrong.
I hate when you tell me

That I am wrong.
You're wrong, you're wrong,

Please stop
telling me I'm wrong!
You are wrong.

That's my girls.

You know you told me.
[Indistinct]

Tony: who's the boss
will be back in a moment.
Stick around.

Tony: oh, hey.
Am I glad to see you guys.

I came up with a great one.
Listen to this, listen to this.

[Hits bad chord]

♪ well ♪

♪ mona and angela ♪

♪ were fightin'
like cats and dogs ♪

♪ then tony
got them together ♪

♪ now they're happy
as hogs ♪

♪ now mona's
goin' home ♪

♪ and angie's
headin' upstairs ♪

♪ she just closed
the lights on me ♪

♪ but I don't
really cares ♪

♪ well ♪

♪ there was a time-- ♪

Awoo!

Thank you very much.
Thank you.

[Theme music playing]