06x12 - Gambling Jag

[bunniefuu]

[Theme music playing]

Singer: ♪ there's a time for
love and a time for livin' ♪

♪ so take a chance
and face the wind ♪

♪ an open road and
a road that's hidden ♪

♪ a brand-new life
around the bend ♪

♪ there were times ♪

♪ i lost a dream or two ♪

♪ found the trail ♪

♪ and at the end
was you ♪

♪ there's a path you take
and a path not taken ♪

♪ the choice is
up to you, my friend ♪

♪ nights are long
but you might awaken ♪

♪ to a brand-new life ♪

♪ brand-new life ♪

♪ a brand-new life
around the bend ♪

Aw, look at us, huh?

Studying for monday exams
on a friday night.

I call us two
dedicated scholars.

I call us two pathetic
losers with no dates.

Jonathan,
would you rather be smart

Or a social success?

Let's cruise for babes.

Where is he?

Ah, there's the mouth.

What? What did I do?

You told
everyone at school

That I like brian simmons.

So, that's what
I heard you told bonnie.

Jonathan,
that was a secret.

See, everyone else is
supposed to think I hate him.

Because when a guy thinks
that you hate him,

It makes you look
more attractive

And then he wants
to date you even more.

You get it?

Were you
talking to me?

I'm gonna k*ll him.

Sam, wait a minute,
calm down and answer me this.

What if you
really don't like a guy,

But he asks you out
because he thinks you like him

Because you've been playing
hard to get.

When in truth, you really
don't like him

And you don't wanna date him
at all?

Dad, you make it seem
so complicated.

See what I have
to live with?

Who says
you have to live?

Ah, children, children.

Why can't we live
in peace and harmony?

Okay, we give up.

Why can't we live
in peace and harmony?

This should be good.

This is not a joke.

I'm tired of people

Being unkind
to each other.

Why can't people
just be nice?

All right, kids, go ahead
get out of here. Fast.

I don't think you should
be hearing this.

What's with you?
What's the matter?

I thought you going
to atlantic city?

To see wayne newton?

Harold called it off.

He said
something came up,

Something important.

Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

What could be more important
than a romantic weekend

With a beautiful woman
such as yourself?

His wife's birthday.

That's important. Yeah.

I didn't even know
the bum was married.

And then, last week,
there was scott.

He's married, too?

No worse. He's witty,
handsome, charming.

And he believes he's the king
of the plant zoltar.

Well, that is ridiculous.

There's no planet zoltar.

Boy, you are in a mood.

Mother I've been thinking
about it and...

Yes, you can borrow
my diamond necklace

To go to atlantic city.

Oh, no.
I don't want it.

Oh, nonsense.
Harold will love it.

Call it woman's intuition,

But I'd say that harold
has marriage on his mind.

You got
that right, angela.

Harold's already married.

Oh, mother.

Oh, I am so sorry.

Well, at least you'll have
more time for scott.

Way to use
that woman's intuition.

I don't know.

I think my antenna must
be off or something.

I used to be able to spot
those weenies from a mile away.

Oh, I don't know.

I've lost it.

I can't even
get mad anymore.

Wait a minute mona,
wait a minute

You haven't
lost a thing.

You're still vicious
and vindictive.

No, you're just saying that.

No. I mean it.

All I wanted to do

Was go to atlantic city
with a sexy man on my arm.

Hey, you don't need
a sexy man in your arm.

You got me!

Uh, and angela.

Tony, don't you have
an exam on monday.

Yeah, I'll bring my philosophy
book down to the casino with me.
I'll study there.

But your mother needs
just a weekend
to forget her troubles.

Tony, you know what
you are right.

A weekend
of wild abandon.

Huh!
With you two?

Come on. It's on me.

Yeah. You can ride shotgun,
I know you like it.

Come on, come on.
No! Don't make me.

Tony: oh, boy,
oh, boy, angela.

Now you look at this.
The noise.

The excitement,
the electricity.

Can't you just feel it?

Whew, I'm pooped.

What do you mean
you pooped?

You didn't drive here,
you slept in the back

All the way down.
The minute we checked in

You took a nap, what do you got
chronic poop syndrome?

Mona: okay. I'm here.

♪ there she is,
mona robinson.♪

Okay, I'm leaving.
Oh, no, no, no.

Wait a minute mona.
Look where you are, mona huh?

All the greats have walked
right on this carpet.

Frank, sammy, liza, cher,

Prince, tiffany, sting.
All the one-named people.

Oh, nice for them.

Oh, there must be someway
to lift this woman's spirit.

Hello, red.

Well, hello.

Of course something
in a 42 long.

Oh, I know you.

You drove up
in the white lamborghini.

And you drove up
in the blue jag

With the dead blonde
in back.

No, she's not dead,
and she's not a blonde.

This is angela,
and this is tony.

Jason mccallister.
It's nice to meet you.

And...
And...

You are?

Oh, mona.

Just mona.

Mona, just mona.

Would you care
to take a roll?

Your dice or mine?

Uh, oh, mona,
just mona?

Could I speak to you
for just a moment.

Mona, you don't
know this guy.

I don't know about him.

Maybe it's just the way his lips
curl up in a corners.

Oh, tony, that's a smile.

Yeah, well, that's what
he wants you to think, yeah.

Mother, what tony
is saying is

You can have fun,
but just be careful.

Okay. I appreciate
your concern.

You know I
really am lucky

Having people
around me that care so much.

Mona I didn't mean
to barge in

If you want to stay
with your friends, I understand.

What friends? I picked them
up hitchhiking.

Well, she's her
old self again.

Glowing, vibrant.

Mona: ha ha.

Did she just pinch him
on the butt?

She's back.

So, you want to take a walk
on the boardwalk?

You promise you won't pinch
me in the butt?

No.
Let's go.

Wait a minute. I got
to call the kids.

Tony, I'm sure they're fine,

Even if it is the first time
we've left them home alone.

You know, I've been worried
ever since we left.

I didn't wanna say it,
but I've been worried,
ever since we left.

But why didn't
you say anything?

Because I didn't want
to worry you.

Well, now,
I'm worried.

No. Tony, look,
let's not call.

They're getting older.

Let's give them
the message we trust them.

Okay, good. I'll call
them and tell them that.

Tony.

All right. All right.

Shall we?

This is freedom,
listening to music the way

It was meant to be,
deafening.

Yeah. And this dinner.

Whoops, it almost dripped
on the couch.

Talk about leaving
on the edge.

Hey, they should go away
more often.

Yeah.

You know, you're not
so bad to be around.

Maybe when we're older
we could share

A loft in the village.

I can't wait to pick out
the furniture.

Come on, 8!

Mona needs
a new pair

Of anything
from tiffany's.

Roll it!


Yay!
Yay!

God, you're beautiful
when you're winning.

I am, aren't i?

Here. Blow on these.

No. I mean the dice.

Thank you.

Come on, 7!


Front line.

Oh, boy! You are
good luck for me.

One question.

Are you married?

No.

Are you from
the planet zoltar?

Close, um... From phoenix.

Okay.

Hey, mona.

How you doing?

Here's a chip.
Beat it.

Wait. How's smiley
treating you?

Like a million bucks.

All right, good.
Listen angela just went

For some saltwater taffy.

And I'm gonna do
my studying over there,

So if you need me--
roll them.

Yo, 11.

Oh!

Well, you don't
need me.

Okay. Let it all ride.

The kit...

And the caboodle.

Love your
caboodle, kid.

Okay. Come on, baby!



Oh, boy.
Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

Hi, hon.
Want a drink?

Oh. My god, a book.

I've always felt that camus'
sense of desolation

Was inherently facile
in its view

That life is
wholly irrational.

Wow.

Those are
my thoughts exactly.

Roxy, back to work
or find another job.

Sorry. We were just
discussing camus.

You know, he's a
french philosopher.

Yeah. The guy who won
the nobel prize in 1957.

Wow! Yeah,
that's him.

Yeah, you know, but I've
always thought that

In the stranger,

You know, his sense
of existential despair

Is somewhat overstated.

Oh, that's because you're
reading him in english.

l'etranger was
horribly translated.

Well, I think you're
a bit of an apologist.

Well, you know what
sartre said about camus.

Yeah, jean paul.
What a space cadet, huh?

Mona! Mona!
Mona! Mona!

Roll 'em.
Mona! Mona!


Winner 7.

Oh! You're right!
I am a winner!

And I'm never going
to stop winning.

Come on, let's bet the farm.

Mona! Mona!
Mona! Mona!

Okay, and roll 'em.

Double 6s. Craps.

Line away.
Hey, hey.

Wait a minute, that wasn't
supposed to happen.

I got to
get that back,

But I don't have anything
to get it back with.

Yeah, you do.
You gotta let me bankroll you.

Oh, no.
Really I couldn't.

Could i?

Mona, I'm an
investment counselor.

I know a great investment
when I see one.

Oh, well.
What about interest?

Oh, I'm...

Interested.

On the other hand,

If it'll make you
feel any better,

You got anything you wanna
put up as collateral?

Act of good faith?

Maybe the necklace?
I don't know.

You can't win
unless you're in.

Lady you're holding up
the parade.

Here we go.

There. Yeah.
Money plays.

Okay baby, come on,
bring back that luck.

And roll!

Craps!

Tie 'em down!

I don't believe this.

Now I have lost angela's
diamond necklace.

Well, I got to
get that back.

I can loan you
some more money.

So you can
win it back.

Oh, this good--this good.

But I don't have anything
to give as collateral.

Mother!

Want some
saltwater taffy?

It's freshly
pulled.

No, thank you, dear.

What's wrong
with your neck?

Well, jason and I
have a bet

About how the egyptians
were buried.

Does this look right to you?

Yeah. I guess.
Look I'm gonna turn in.

So if you guys wanna
go see wayne newton,

Here's the keys
to the car.

How much will you front me
for an '86 jag?

Well, I only
have 5,000.

Great. I'll take it.

Here we go. Come on.

Mona,
how you doing?

Holy--how'd you get
up so much money, mona?

I pawned
angela's jag.

Funny lady.

Ah, come on, 7.

Hey!
Craps.

A loser.

Uh-oh.

It's all gone.

Oh, I'm sorry mona.

Is this the one
for the trunk?

I knew we should have gone
to disney world.

Mona, wait a minute,
wait a minute.

You can't just gamble away
somebody's jaguar.

I had to. I'd already gambled
away her diamond necklace.

Mona I can't believe
this is happening.

Yeah, I'm afraid it is.

Oh, jason, buddy...

Buddy.

Can we talk?

I mean,
you know...

We just took mona
out of shady meadows.

Now, she's--you know, she's
a little, uhh--

Did she mention
the planet zoltar?

It came up.

You see? You can't believe
anything she says.

You can't take her
seriously at all.

Tony, you don't think
I wanted this to happen.

I wanted her to win.

She's so gorgeous
when she wins.

You got to
love him, tony.

Well, look, jason,
can't you give us a break here?

Well, personally,
I'd love to,

But, uh, my hands are tied.

I got partners,
I got obligations.

I got to pay
for the suit.

This is
business, tony.

Oh, yeah.
Business, business.

Business,
business, business.

What are we talking
about business for, jason?

It's saturday.

Hey! It's almost sunday, huh?

Let's take
a day off.

Even god took
a day off.

I'm an atheist.

So? I'm a catholic.

Hey, the pit boss
is an existentialist.

Ahh, come on.
What I'm saying is,

We're all the same
underneath, huh?

We all need a day off.
Come on, jason.

You'll find a nice woman
to fleece on monday.

All right, all right,
look, um...

I loaned mona
a lot of money

In front of
a lot of people.

In this town,
your word is your bond.

See, so it's simple.

Give me
the pink slip

To the car
or the money.

Think about it.
Take your time. I'll wait.

Okay, smoothenheimer.

We'll get you
your money.

What do you
got on you?

Just what you see

And some
lace underwear.

I've gotten
compliments on it.

Mona, where we gonna
get that money?

Hi, guys.
Good news.

I got a second wind.

It must have been
the saltwater taffy.

What do you say?
We jump in the jag

And go see wayne newton.

Well...
I don't think so.

No?

No wayne newton.

No jag.

It broke down?

The parking lot attendant
couldn't find it?

It was stolen?

Oh, for god's sake.
You didn't just give it away?

You--
you--you gave it away?

Well, actually,
your mother gambled it away.

You what?

I am going to
wring your neck!

Where's my necklace?

Angela, I am sorry.

I am genuinely sorry.

Mother, whatever possessed you
to do such a thing?

I don't know.
He was so handsome,

I mean, I thought
he really cared for me.

I think,
my antenna is still off.

Well, I don't even have
any antenna,

Because you gave it away
with my car.

Angela, please,
try to calm down.

I mean, try to understand,

Your mother's in a slump.

She's vulnerable.

And that guy,
he took advantage of her.

Oh, tony, please
don't make excuses for me.

I blew it.

And now
she's self-loathing.

What more do you want?

I want my jaguar.

What do I owe him
to get it back?


$6,000?

My diamond necklace
and my jaguar

Are worth at least
five times that much.

Well, I didn't want
to get in over your head.

Okay. Okay. I'm going
to write him a check.

And I know whose salary
I'm going to deduct it from!

All right,
wait a minute, angela.

Now, play it cool.

Because this guy
is a smooth operator.

I am cool.

Excuse me, excuse me...

Mr. Leech on society,

I would like to settle
my mother's debt.

Sure. It's 10,000.

Hey! I only
borrowed 6.

Interest.

Wait a minute! Interest!
That's 66.6% interest!

Math is my minor.

That is usury.

And I will not
be party to it.

I can accept that.
Good night.

Hold it there,
slimeball!

You can't just
brush me off like that.

You may hold the keys
to that car,

But, emotionally,
that jag is mine.

Emotionally.

You know,
this is your lucky day.

I'm a very
emotional guy.

I'm gonna give you a chance
to win back your car.

How about a nice
friendly game of poker?

Get the cards, buddy.

I'm going to wipe
that smug smile off your face.

Wait a minute,
wait a minute, angela!

You can't play poker
with that guy!

I have played poker before
with your friends.

My friends stink.

That's why
I play with them.

I have dealt
with captains of industry.

I can deal
with this weasel.

What's your game, pal?

Stud.
Stud!

You flatter yourself.
What's your game?

Angela. Angela,
can I talk with you?

You stay right there!
You're mine!

Remember, you are mine!

So, red...

What do you say after
all this is behind us,

You and me,
we take in a show,

Have some dinner,

Maybe some breakfast?

Well, that line
would have worked...


And $10,000 ago.

Don't take it personal.
It's just business.

You know, I've been
on a bad roll with men lately,

But they say before
you can turn it around,

You have to hit
rock bottom.

Well, smiley, you made
that happen tonight.

Thank you.

Ouch.

Wait, don't-don't
do this, angela.

I know what
I'm doing.

Give me a bunch

Of those little round
plastic things.

Chips.

Ready?
Ready.

Serve.

It's deal.

I can't watch.

Okay.


Of the little round things.

Is that a new suit?

Yeah. Why?

Because I'm going
to bury you in it.

Angela...angela,
don't make him mad.

Okay. 500.

Okay. No problem.

Oh, sure.
Why not make it 1,000?

Okay, 1,000.

Oh, you had to open
your mouth?

Let's get to what
we really came here for.

I bet one
diamond necklace,

Which I personally
value at $2,000.

I see that $2,000.

I see jonathan going
to a community college.

Bet...

One jaguar.

I see that jaguar,

And I raise you...

What raise?
Raise what?

You're out of chips.

What are you going to raise
with your house?

No, of course, give me the keys
to your cherokee.

What?

Angela, you may have
lost your mind,

But I'm not
losing my brand new car.

Angela, look,
he has two kings showing,

You have two 10s,

There is no way--

I'm in.

Real, real subtle, tony.

Oh, oh, yeah.

Oh, well,
okay, I'll go along.

And how do I know

You're not bluffing
for her?

I've seen
this scam before.

I've run it myself.

Maybe we're
scamming you,

And maybe we're not.

Well, if you're not,

Your blabbermouth friend

Is about the dumbest slug

That ever walked
into this casino.

Well, maybe I am,
and maybe I'm not.

I'll see
your cherokee,

And I'll raise you--

You people
don't have the smarts

To pull off this con.

I fold.

No, well, that was
a very wise choice,

But just
for your information,

We were bluffing!
We were bluffing!

Just keep it down.

I got a reputation.

Oh, I'm sorry--
your reputation.

We were bluffing!

Bluffing!

See, bluffing!

Bluffing!

You are a beautiful
woman, mona.

No con.

You did it.
All right.

How did you do it?

I worked it out
with angela

When I pulled
her over to the side.

I'm good.

Good?
You are great.

So, what do you say,
we see wayne's late show.

Mother!
Mother, hold it.

You are not getting
away this easily.

What you did
was wrong.

I know, I know.
And I swear

I am never
gonna gamble again.

I'm not--i'm not just
talking about the gambling.

I'm talking about
how you lose your judgment

Every time you see
a handsome face.

I'm talking about how you
forget about everybody else

Every time some guy throws
a little flattery your way.

I know, I know.
Hello, gorgeous.

Hello.

Goodbye.

We're going home.
Where's my purse?

Tony: who's the boss
will be back in a moment.
Stick around.

[Music blaring]

Isn't this great?
I feel so free!

Yeah! You know,
we should send our parents

To europe next year.

Or china.

Yeah.

Who needs parents?

Oh, boy!
Did we miss you!

[Theme music playing]