06x16 - Mona & Walter & Sam & Eric

[bunniefuu]

[Theme music playing]

♪ there's a time for
love and a time for livin' ♪

♪ so take a chance
and face the wind ♪

♪ an open road and
a road that's hidden ♪

♪ a brand-new life
around the bend ♪

♪ there were times ♪

♪ i lost a dream or two ♪

♪ found the trail ♪

♪ and at the end was you ♪

♪ there's a path you take
and a path not taken ♪

♪ the choice is
up to you, my friend ♪

♪ nights are long
but you might awaken ♪

♪ to a brand-new life ♪

♪ brand-new life ♪

♪ a brand-new life
around the bend ♪

All right, mona

Don't you worry
about a thing, huh.

Mr. Wizard will have
your lights fixed
in no time.

Okay now, here we go.
Screwdriver.

Screwdriver.
Pliers.

Pliers.
Stripper.

♪ da da da dum ♪

♪ ba da da da
d-dum bum ♪

Mona, please, come on,

We're dealing
with electricity here.

Oh, thank you.
[Imitates sizzling]

Oh!
[Laughing]

Mona, please!

I've got to concentrate
on these wires.

I mean, there are
scientific principles

That must be adhered to.

Now, let me see.

Uh, white is all right,
and green is serene,

Touch the red,
you fry, you're dead.

Yeah. Yeah, that's it.

Are you sure you know
what you're doing?

Absolutely.

Now look, when I tell you,

You go flip on that circuit
breaker, okay?

Okay.
All right.

Ahh!

Mona! Are you
trying to k*ll me?

Mona: you said flip
the circuit breaker on.

Tony: I said
when I tell you.

When I tell you,
flip it on

Why can't you just admit
you made a mistake?

Okay, I was wrong.

Thank you.

For asking
you to help me.

Mona, mona would
you--would you stand

In this bucket of water
and hold that red wire?

[♪♪♪]

Hey, missy, this isn't
the love shack.

One foot on the floor.

How about and one foot
in your mouth?

Hey sam, don't be mean
to jonathan

He's at that
awkward age.

You're right.
Too old to beat up,

And too young
to put in a home.

I'm sorry, jonathan.

You're apologizing to me?

Boy, you must
really be in love.

Are we?

Yeah!

Jonathan,
if you're lucky,

Someday you'll meet
someone like sam.

Hey! You don't have to
get hostile.

What can I say?
His mother
owns the house.

Tony: that mona!

I'd like to take her
and dump her in water--

Oh, hey,
eric, buddy.

How are you, huh?

Hey, when are we going
to our next jet game?

Hey, have you been seeing
each other behind my back?

Well, you know,
you can't blame me

For wanting
to see eric.

I mean, he's smart,
he's funny,

He's a charmer.

Dad, I saw him first.

Oh, some girls
get all the luck.

Hi, hi!

Guess what I got?

A bad nervous condition?

No!

Tickets to see
janet jackson!

One for you.
One for your nasty boy.

That was
one of her hits.

You keep me young,
angela.

Hah!

Hey, thanks,
mrs. Bower.

Oh, no, not tuesday.

Every tuesday
my grandfather

And I play chess.

Couldn't you play chess
with him on wednesday?

Well, I guess I could.
It's just that

Wednesdays usually our

Rent a boring movie
from the 40s night.

Hey. Hey, wait a minute.
You calling

lassie, come home
boring?

Actually, that's
the only one I like.

Oh, that's better,
that's better.

Well, that's too bad
that your grandfather
doesn't get out much.

Oh, no, no,
he gets out.

Every morning he goes--
he takes a walk,

And then he goes home
and takes a nap.

Oh, well, that's good.

Exercise will
keep him youthful.

And then he takes
another walk,

And then another nap,

And then another walk,

And then another nap.

Oh, maybe he wouldn't
nap so much

If he didn't walk so much.

It's nice that you
and your grandfather,
are so close.

Oh, yeah, yeah.
We get along great.

It's just that
since grandma died,

He kind of, depends
on me for company.

Oh, well, sounds like
he needs a lot of love.

Yeah, sounds like
he needs a woman.

Hey,
johnny kilowatt,

You left your stripper.

♪ d-d-da dum ♪

♪ ba da
dum dum dum ♪

Okay, mona,
put away the tassels.

Hey mona, wait a minute,

How would you
like to meet

A nice, vital,
well-rested man?

No, dad, I don't think so.

I don't think this...
Why, why, not?

Mona, men--
it could be trouble.

Grandpa's got a thing
for redheads.

There you go.
But you don't
understand

Your grandfather
isn't mona's type.

He's normal.

This might be
a good idea.

Might be good for mother
to meet somebody nice
and stable.

How about rich
and rowdy?

Mother, you don't know
anything about the man.

Okay, sell me.

Well, he's smart,
he's funny,

He loves good food.

Great. A porker.

Mother!

He also loves naps

And boring movies
from the 40s.

How long you been
in advertising, angela?

He's also tall
and very handsome.

What does
he like to do?

Everything.

Hmm.

How's his heart?

You know, angela, I am beat
from all this cooking,

And not for nothing,
mona gets all the credit.

You know,
I don't mind the sweat.

But I want the applause.

I want the cheers,

I want those burps
of appreciation.

We've got to sell
mother as a homebody.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, how is this
for a homebody?

Looks like
a hard body to me.

Tony.

How you do
carry on.

[Gasps] wow!

I have outdone
myself this time.

By the way, mona.
Where is your spatula?

Uh, in the drawer
next to the stove.

Thank you.

No, the only thing
in here

Is, uh, a panty hose.

How do you strain
spaghetti?

The drawer next
to the refrigerator.

Thank you.
Yes, that's what I said.

No, mona, you said
by the stove.

No, you must have
heard wrong.

Oh, yeah,
that's it mona.

That's exactly it,
right.

You said,
refrigerator

And I heard
stove.

I must need
my ears cleaned.

Guess, so.

Wouldn't it be wonderful
to be like mother

And always be right.

Frankly, it's a burden.

Hi.

Ooh! That food
looks great.

Thank you.
Thank you.

And mona you look...

Incredibly sexy.

Well, no matter
what I do,

It just comes out.

Well, maybe you should
put it back in.

Eric's grandfather
was a happily married

And devoted husband
for over 40 years.

He may not be ready
for this

Oh, don't worry sam,

I won't do anything
to embarrass you.

I just do
that to angela.

[Doorbell rings]

There he is.
Come on, come on.

I just really want this
evening to go well.

Yes, I know how much
eric means to you.

Don't worry, it's going
to be a wonderful evening.

Thanks!

Okay, ready?
Yeah.

Hi.
Hi.

You.

You!

It was a lovely
evening, wasn't it?

I knew this
was a mistake.

But would anybody listen
to me, no.

h*, you know, I really
got to fix this door.

Won't you come in?

Can I get you
something?

A cold drink,
an hors d'oeuvre,

A nose splint?

Nice to see you,
too, mona.

Perhaps now you might explain
why you walked out on me

The night
before our wedding.
Wedding.

Wedding?
Wedding?

Holy sh-- cow.

Yes,
I'll tell you why.

Because I caught you
flirting with that hussy

At our
wedding rehearsal.

It wasn't flirting

She just asked me
to zip her up.

Oh? With your teeth?

[Tony sighs]

You can do
better than that, mona.

No, actually I thought
that was pretty funny.


A straight answer.

Well, I'm gonna take a walk,
and then a nap.

Grandpa, wait.
Yeah, grandpa
wait.

Uh, I mean--
I mean come on.

We're practically
family here.

Do we know this guy?

I'm walter nordstrom.

Hi, I'm tony micelli.

Nice to meet you.
I'm angela bower,

I'm mona's daughter.

We're nothing alike.

So, when did you
two know--

Well, I was involved
with this bozo

Before I met
your father.

Bozo?
Mona: yes.

Oh, well,
what a coincidence, huh?

That's some coincidence
think of the odds, huh?

I mean, boy meets girl.

Then boy's grandson
meets girl's daughter's

Housekeeper's daughter.

It's wild.
It's amazing.

This is
so depressing.

Well, why are we all
standing here

When mother has made some
scrumptious hors d'oeuvres?

Yeah, yeah. Why don't, uh,
why don't we all sit down, huh?

I mean, hey,
for the kids' sake.

Okay.

Hey grandpa, mona went
to all this trouble.

Yes, I worked
like a dog.

Well, I am hungry.

Oh, well, please,
have a seat here.

And kids, please,
right here.

Let me tell you
something.

If you're hungry,

You're really gonna love
my mushroom caps,

Which aren't as good
as mona's mushroom caps,

Which of course to the ones
we're having tonight.

Well, so...

Here we all are.

So, eric, how was
school today?

Well, you ought to
know, you were there.

Oh, school!

It was great,

Especially lunch.

Oh! You had lunch today,
too, huh?

What a crazy coincidence.
So did i.

Hey, me, too.

Wow, that really blows
my mind.

Well, you know...

You know, I really got to
ask you a question.

So, uh, how did you
two meet?

Oh, that's a bad question,
that's a bad question.

Let me try another one.

How do you feel
about movie stars

Who do commercials?

I don't care.

We're off to a good start,
wouldn't you say?

I tell you what, why don't
you guys just sit here

And enjoy
each other's company

And I'll go in the kitchen
and prepare the salad, okay?

Okay, I'm going.

Hey walter,
what kind of salad

Dressing would you like, sir?

He takes blue cheese,
at least he used to.

I still do.

I'm surprised
you remember.

Oh, I have a long
memory, walter.

Obviously.

You, uh, still take
thousand island?

No, but I'm watching
my cholesterol,

And so should you,
a man of your age.

I mean, not that
you look it.

Oh, look who's talking,
you look younger than i.

I am.

Oh, well, hey,
who would have thought, huh,

Peace through
salad dressing.

It's like
I always say

Condiments could
change the world.

Oh, that's a lovely,
lovely sentiment, tony.

You know, these mushroom
caps are really round.

Thank you.

I had to beat
them into shape.

Who you kidding?

You couldn't cook
your way

Out of a boil-in bag.

You know
that's the truth.

I cannot cook.

Do you remember
the picnic

I made for us?

You, me, and craig
and jenny.

How could I forget?

Even the ants
wouldn't eat it.

[Laughing]

Going well, isn't it?

Wait a minute.
Jenny?

Does she mean
grandma?

There was only
one jenny, for me.

What?

You married
jenny treadwell?

That's the hussy
I caught him flirting

With the night
we didn't get married.

You said that you had
no interest in her.

Well, I didn't

Until after I went
home from our wedding

Still a single.

[Laughs awkwardly]

You went home from
your wedding single, too?

Me too, happened to me two
or three times, you know.

Happens all the time.

Angela, you must have
one of these stories.

Uh, dad give it up.

Actually, I do.

So, tell me, walter,

Who did you hit on
the night before

You married
"good 'ole jenny?"

I don't have to
take this.

I'm leaving.
Come on, eric.

Grandpa, wait.
I said I'm leaving.

Good, because you'll never
be invited back here

For one of my home-cooked
meals.

You mean, one of tony's
home-cooked meals.

Oh, thank you for that
acknowledgement.

I'm sorry, sam.
I guess I got to go.

That's okay, I understand.
This is a disaster.

Oh, no, no, please,
please don't go yet.

Don't go yet.

I'm just warming up
the potatoes.

In three minutes, they're
going to be au gratin.

[Mutters]

[Electricity crackles]

Mona, weren't you supposed
to call the electrician?

Mona: no, you said you
were going to do it.

Tony: well,
isn't this romantic?

Hey, sam, what's the deal
with eric's grandfather?

What did you hear?

Well, as far as I can
figure out

Grandma hit him
with a skillet,

Cracked his skull,

And now he can
only speaks gaelic.

[Knocking on door]

You're a morbid little
bugger, aren't you?

Hi.
Hi.

Come on in.

So, how's your grandpa
doing?

Oh, well, he's still upset.

He's going around muttering
strange sounds

That I can't understand.

Gaelic.

I'm just sorry we ever tried

To get the two of them
together.

Oh, hey,
it's not your fault.

I mean,
it's that crazy woman's.

I mean,
she's a real nut job.

Hey...

That nut job
happens to be

A very good friend
of mine.

Well, that's cool,
you know.

I've got plenty crazy
friends, too.

Eric, I don't blame mona.

Your grandfather
cheated around on her.

Well, he said that
was just a cover story.

That she was selfish
and arrogant.

And I believe him.

Oh, you do, do you?
Well, you're wrong.

Jonathan,
are you gonna sit here

And let him talk this way
about your grandmother?

No way!

Look, you have no right
calling my grandmother...

What was it again?

Selfish and arrogant.

Oh, well, I can't
argue with that.

Jonathan.

I thought he said
elfish and arabic.

That I won't stand for.

Look, you have no right
coming in here

And talking that way
about my friend.

Hey, if the shoe fits.

Maybe you should leave.

Hey, I'm gone.

You know, forget the
concert tomorrow night.

I'd rather spend
the night

Watching
my grandfather nap.

Fine and why we're at it.

Why don't we forget
about going out again--ever.

Fine with me.

Enjoy the 90s.

Boy, you really got
a mouth on you.

Hi, troops.

What's up?

You just missed eric.

Oh, he's
a sweet boy.

Too bad that
grandfather of his

Is such a boob.

Well, I never want
to see that man again.

Well, you don't have to worry
about seeing

Either one of them again.

I just broke up with eric.

Why?

This wasn't about me

And eric's grandfather,
was it?

Mona, I really don't want
to talk about it.

But sam--

It's over, okay?

Forget it.

It was about me
and eric's grandfather.

Yeah, but don't worry.

Sam stood up for you.

She really let him have it.
You would've been proud.

[Music on television]

Tony, I'm sorry.

I just can't watch
this anymore.

I's too sad.

[Sighs] it reminds me
of sam and eric.

[Exclaims]

Why are relationships
so hard?

Why do fools
fall in love, angela?

Why do birds
sing so g*y?

Why does the rain
fall from up above?

Why do they
fall in love?

Maybe it's because
fools rush in

Where wise men never go.

But wise men
never fall in love.

So how the hell did they know?

[Doorbell rings]

Let me get that.

Oh.

He's back.

I came to apologize.

Oh, okay,
I forgive you.

I mean to sam.

Oh, yes, sam.

Um... Sam!

Hey, sam, wait,
please, I really
want to talk to you

It's important.

Why don't
we all sit down here.

Tony...
I think they'd like
to be alone.

Oh! Oh, yes, of course.

Well, we'll be
in the kitchen,

Trying not to listen.

What are you doing here?

Look, I came to apologize.

I was wrong about mona.

Yeah, you were.

It was really nice of her
to come over

And apologize to grandpa.

Mona apologized?

How do you
like that, eh?

Eric, back quick.
Back quick.

I tell you, times really
have changed.

When I was a teenager

And a guy
broke up with me,

I wouldn't see him
again, ever.

Well, that was
their loss, angela.

Really?

What am
I going to say?

Tough on you?

Hey, is that
eric's car

I see parked
out front?

Yes, it is and he's in there
with sam now right now.

Ooh, goodie,
goodie, goodie.

Why? What--
what's goodie, goodie,

Goodie, goodie, what?

Ahh, nothing, nothing.

No, no, come on, what?
What's--what is it? What?

Mona, what's going on?

Eric said you apologized
to his grandfather.

Oh, but just for what I
did to him 40 years ago.

No big deal. See you.

Wait a minute.

Talk I say, talk.

Okay.

Well...

Forty years ago
I was very young and...

And very beautiful.

In fact, people used to
come up to my mother

On the street and say,

"Your daughter
is very beautiful."

People would walk up
to my father at work

And say, "your daughter is--"

Mona, mona, mona.

Okay, you were a doll.
Finish the story, please.

Well, the truth is
there was a very good reason

That I dumped walter
right before our wedding.

Angela: mother...

There is no excuse for hurting
someone you care about.

I met another man.

How sordid!

It was your father.

Daddy?

Your father?

Boy, I feel truth
and beauty in the offing.

I met your father
at the post office.

It was so romantic.

I was
standing in line,

And this charming,
wonderful man,

Named robert,

Came up and said
something to me

I'll never forget.

"Can I use
your tongue?"

To lick the stamp.

You had to be there.

Anyway, by the time

We got to
the counter,

We were in love.

Oh, see that, post office
was the game.

I was messing around
with spin the bottle.

Anyway, I just could
not think of a way

To tell walter
that I had fallen

Head over heels in love
with another man.

I was young and scared,

And so I took
the easy way out,

And I used his flirting
as an excuse.

Angela: but, mother...

Why after
all these years

Did you finally decide
to admit it?

You don't want to miss
janet jackson, do you?

Thank you, mona.

Come on, go, go.

You and eric are gonna miss
the concert.

Oh, thanks, angela.
Thanks, dad.

What are you thanking
me for?

For not yelling at me
when I come home late tonight.

Don't thank me yet,
lady.

You know, mother,

It isn't often that you admit
you're wrong.

Yeah, mona,
it's really nice

That you did it
for my little girl.

In my book, you're aces.

Yeah, yeah. So, are we
gonna have popcorn or not?

Yeah, let me get the bowl.
You get the bowl.

Let me get something--

Ah! Oh, damn!

Tony: mona.

Weren't you supposed
to call the electrician?

Mona:
I fixed it myself.

Tony: oh, well,
where is everybody?

Angela: oh!

Tony: I found angela.

Tony: who's the boss?
will be back in a moment.
Stick around.

Mom, how old were you
when you started dating?

Honey, age
isn't important.

You know, some people
develop quickly,

Others slowly.

There is no right age
to start dating.

Really old, huh?

You're getting more like
your grandmother everyday.

Oh, hi, you guys.

Hi
hi

I'm loaded with homework.
I'll see you later.

I wouldn't go in there,
if I were you.

Romeo and juliet
are at it again.

Oh, not again.

What do they think
this is the love shack?

I'll put an end to this.

All right, kids,
the party's over.

[Theme music playing]