06x17 - Micelli's Marauders

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Singer: ♪ there's a time for
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♪ so take a chance
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♪ an open road and
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♪ a brand-new life
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♪ there were times ♪

♪ i lost a dream or two ♪

♪ found the trail ♪

♪ and at the end was you ♪

♪ there's a path you take
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♪ the choice is up
to you, my friend ♪

♪ nights are long
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♪ to a brand-new life ♪

♪ brand-new life ♪

♪ a brand-new life
around the bend ♪

Dad, we blew it.
What?

We only have
two socks left

And one's shorter
than the other.

Well, you know what to do.

Okay. Hey, that's
close enough, huh?

Hi, guys.
Oh, hi, angela.

Just doing your socks.

So, how was the gym today?

Did you sweat
like a pig?

[Snort snort]

Glad to hear it.

The girls and I formed
a volleyball team.

Our first game
is next friday night.

No kidding, volleyball?
Gee, I love volleyball.

You know, I used to play
volleyball in a beach

In coney island.

I don't like to brag,

But I was known
as the spiking viking.

The spiking viking?
You?

Well, spiking italian
doesn't rhyme, you know.

How'd you like
to be our coach?

[Laughing]

What's so funny?

What is so funny?

Angela, you're talking
to a professional athlete here.

A man who's adjusted
his cup on national tv.

That's exactly what we need
a professional athlete.

Oh angela, not for nothing,
but why would I get involved

With a bunch
of...you know--

What, dad? What?
What? Girls? Girls?

Go on. Say it.
Girls?

Okay, girls.

My father
is a sexist.

I am not a sexist.

What are you talking about?

It's just that a bunch
of suburban matrons

Does not a serious
sports team make.

Excuse me but this bunch
of suburban matrons

Happens to be
very serious.

We even have uniforms.
Tangerine.

[Laughing]

Now there's
a bloodthirsty color.

Angela,

I think you're better off
without dad anyway.

I remember when he coached

My dodgeball team
in kindergarten.

He got everyone so worked up
it turned ugly.

I still feel bad about I did
to shirley gravis.

Oh, come on.
With a beak like that,

She was gonna need
a nose job anyway.

Dad!
Tony!

All right, all right.
Look.

So, I'm not your man.
I'm not your man

Because let me
tell you something

Serious sports entails
a commitment to winning,

A commitment to winning
at all and any costs.

Yes. This is why
we want you to coach us.

We want that hostile,
violent barbaric spirit

That only you
can provide.

Well, gee, when you
put it that way...

[Chattering]

Ready?
Okay.

Whops, wait.
No, wait.

No, that's the best
you've done.

So tony, what do you think
of my team?

They look
a little raw.

How raw?

Sushi.

Girls.

Come on.
Gather round.

You all remember tony?

Hi. Hi.
Yeah.

Oh, yeah, sure.

Father c*m housekeeper
c*m student...

Come here.

Great to see you,
coachie-woachie.

Whoa!

"Coach" will be fine.

Girls before we start,

Does anybody have
any questions for tony?

Yes.
When's practice over?

I'm due
for a pedicure.

I told you
the girlie-wirlies

Wouldn't be serious.

Tony, get a load
of this.

Okay.

You should
have yelled fore.

Hey! Look, look, look.
Why don't I just--

Hey, give me that.

Why don't I just demonstrate
with angela.

Oh, you don't have to show me.
I can do it.

Yeah. She's our best player.

Well in the land
of the blind

The one-eyed man
is king.

Wow!

Wow.
You really are good.

Was there ever any doubt?

Well, yeah.

But--hey girls.

Now, you just witnessed
the perfect volleyball serve.

Now, let me show you

The perfect power spike, okay?

Give me that.
Okay.

Angela.
Angela, please.

Would you feed me?

There you go.

[Grunts]
[girls cheering]

Now, now, now. Don't expect
to get that down right away.

Because it even took
the spiking-viking some time

To get it, okay?

Who would like
to go next?

Tony.
Yes?

Feed me.

Angela.

All right.

Here we go now.
Get it up.

[Cheering]

Hey, somebody ate
their wheaties today, huh?

Two bowls, no milk.

Oh, watch out.
Okay, okay.

Carol, let's work
on that serve, okay?

Come on, now this time,
look, keep your elbow in.

Keep your eye on the ball, huh?
Okay.

Your wrist straight,
all right.

And picture this ball
as the head of your ex-husband.

Girls: wow!

He got the mercedes, huh?
Well.

Hey.

Tony: yes?
You lose something, sport?

Tony, this is bev dixon.

She's the captain of the team
we're playing next week.

You mean captain of the team
that's gonna mop up

The floor with you
next week.

Hold it, hold it,
hold it.

I know what you're doing
there, you know.

You're just trying
to psych us out, huh?

How did you get
so smart?

Well, I used to be
a professional athlete.

Oh, what sport,
mah-jongg?

Mah-jongg.

Nobody gets away
with calling me

A mah-jongg player,
angela.

What are you going
to do about it, jack?

Well, I say that my team
beats your team, jack.

You guys don't have
a chance.

[Whistle]

This is inga,

My star player.

Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah?
Well, look at this.

[Wheezing]

Angela,
get over here.

Oh! Heh.

This is my
star player, angela.

Hi.

So, you belong
to the club, too.

So, what's
the bet?

I'll tell you what.
Dinner at mario's.

Losing coach buys
winning team dinner.

You're on.

But you'd better
save up.

My guys can eat here can eat
their body weight in steak.

Oh, yeah?
Oh, yeah?

You should see angela
put away the spaghetti

With clam sauce.
It's scary.

Yeah!

Boogedy-boo.

All right, all right.
Laugh now.

But next week
you'll know defeat

At the hands
of micelli's marauders.

[Laughing]

We can't beat them.

Cut it out.
We will beat them.

We must beat them.
We shall beat them.

And you know why?
Why?

'Cause there's no way
I'm not buying dinner

For a woman with a neck
bigger than mine.

Aren't they back from
the gym, yet? I'm starving.

Maybe I should
make us something.

I'd rather go the way
of the donner party.

Snack time.

Oh, mona,
you are a lifesaver.

Hey, hey, hey,
this is for me.

Get your
own trough.

Okay. One.

Hey! Not
one each. One.

Fine. I'll just rummage

Through the trash
for some scraps.

Don't fill up
before dinner.

Hey tony, if you put carol
next to me.

I think we'll have
a formidable front line.

Yeah. But angela,

That would leave
our backside vulnerable.

Is that so bad?

Good point, coach.

You know, it's every
coach's dream

To take a ragtag bunch
of misfits

And turn them all
into stars.

Dad's off
and running.

Watch your beak,
angela.

You know, you know,
you just mark my word.

Carol, deb, lori--
they're all be great.

What about me?

What about you?
Come on.

I mean, it's the other girls
that need the help.

That's how you win,
win, win.

Right, right, right.

Hey, tony,
here's a thought.

What if we put me
in the front line.

And then we put me--
angela, hey, hey.

Hey, oh,
angela, please,

Allow me to do
the strategizing.

You do the
"good point, coach."

Good point, coach.

That's my girl.

I'm going to make dinner.
Win! Win! Win!

He's terrific,
isn't he?

He's so single-minded,
so obsessed.

That's exactly
what our team needs.

I am so happy.

He's getting
on her nerves.

In two weeks, she'll be
ready to strangle him.

Tony: win! Win!
Win! Win! Win!

I say one.

Good. Good. Good.

All right.

Okay. That's enough.
That's enough.

Let's try
the power spike,

All right, lori?
Here we go, now.

Here we go, now.
Here's the feed, and...

Forget it, tony.
I'm just too short.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

There's no too short.

Was willie shoemaker
too short?

He was a jockey.

Well, was napoleon
bonaparte too short?

He was a dictator.

Well sure, you can find
something negative

To say about anybody, huh?

Okay deb, your turn.
Come on up here.

I can't concentrate
right now.

My uniform
keeps riding up.

Okay. Okay, time out.
Time out.

Give me a ball.

Gather around here, girls.
Gather around, please.

Have a seat, have a seat.
All right, look.

What we
are experiencing here

Is a failure
to focus, okay?

Okay now, let me tell you
a little story.

I was the second year
I was in the big leagues

And I was in a little bit
of a slump.

And I was riding
the bench.

And my coach,
oil can widenburner came to me

And he gave me
the following speech.

And it went
something like this.

He said,

We all have noise
in our heads.

Noise from our families,

Noise from our jobs,

Noise from a noisy world.

And what we must do

To concentrate
on the game

Is drive that noise out.

Drive that noise
out, okay?

So that we can create

A clear and empty
playing field.

Now, listen up.

You hear that?
That's empty.

Okay, now,
let's all try it, okay?

Let's all try to drive
the noise out.

Drive the noise out

And try to ignore
the fact

That angela ordered
all the shorts too small.

Okay.

Now, lori,
it's your turn.

Your turn.
Any noise?

Well, I keep hearing
my boyfriend

Complain about
the movies I rent.

Huh.

Okay.
Well, what exactly

Is the bone
of contention?

I like foreign films.
He likes action films.

Well, then,

Rent foreign
action films.

das boot
was terrific.

It had subtitles
and severed limbs.

Really?
Yes.

What a great compromise!
Thank you.

All right, come on.
Get up here.

Let me see
you serve now, come on.

Angela,
out of the way.

Come on. All right.
Let's go now.

Hey!

That's terrific!
That's great!

We're going to win,
win, win, win, win!

Okay, okay. Angela,
your turn, your turn.

Tony, about the noises
in my head,

I've got
a business meeting--

Please, please, angela.
Just serve. Come on.

Come on.

Nice, angela, nice.

Okay, girls,
that's it for today.

Nice? I thought
it was better than nice.

All right. Listen, we'll all
gonna meet here back here

At 1900 hours.
Okay.

Tony, can I talk to you
a minute,

I've got a personal
problem.

And I can't concentrate.

Hey carol, my locker door
is always open for you.

Tony, excuse me,
could we just talk for a second?

Hey, angela. Please,
please, please, angela.

I'm going to go
over something with carol.

So, do me a favor,
get all the ba*ls together,

Take down the net,
put them all in the cage, okay?

Good girl.
Okay.

Talk to me, carol.
I'm all yours.

It's about
my ex-husband.

Oh, the lout.
This guy's a beaut.

[♪♪♪]

Oh. What a day.

I lost
the dave brooks account.

Ah, that's okay.

He's married.

Mother!

He's a million
dollar client.

What good is money,
if you don't have love?

Uh, by the way,

Coach said that you were
supposed to be ready

For the big game
at 1700 hours.

That was about


How am I supposed
to get up

For this big game tonight?

Well, have a heart-to-heart
with coach feelgood.

Better take
a number first.

He's in the middle of a heavy
duty session with lori.

So, in conclusion,

I mean, if you continue
to define yourself

As a child,

Then of course,
the men in your life

Will gonna do so, too.

You just cleared up
my entire life.

It's what any good
volleyball coach would do.

All right.

You're a beautiful man.

Oh, how you do go on.

Now, go on.

All right,
get ready for tonight.

[Both together]
k*ll, k*ll, k*ll.

Angela. Angela,
why aren't you dressed?

Carol's picking us up
in 10 minutes.

A little problem at work.

I lost
the brooks account.

Well, I'm really sorry
to hear about that, angela.

Well see, tony what happened
was he told me--

We'll talk
about that later.

Why for now,
why don't you just

Drive it out of your mind
and suit up.

♪ and marauders ♪

♪ micelli's
marauders ♪

♪ k*ll, k*ll,
k*ll, k*ll, k*ll ♪

He--he didn't do it.

Didn't do what?

Well, that thing
that he always does

Whenever I tell him
I've lost an account.

First he says,
"it's their loss."

Then he says,
"there's five better accounts

Right around
the corner."

Then we sit down and we watch
an old movie on tv

And eat a box
of mallomars.

He's preoccupied
with the big game tonight.

Yeah, yeah. He has time
for everybody else

In the team
except for me.

Do you know that last time
he spent two hours

Talking to deb
about her hangnail.

Did he tell her
how to get rid of it?

Because I've got a nasty one.

It's beginning to fester.

Does this look
pus-ey to you?

Oh, mother!

That is gross.

You know, ever since
he's been coaching this team,

He's been--

I don't,
I don't know.

He's been
ignoring me.

Taking me for granted

Well, don't tell me.
Tell him.

You're right.

That is exactly what
I'm going to do.

Jocks.

Can I talk to you for a sec?

Drive through it,
angela.

Drive through it.

I'm afraid I can't drive
through this problem.

It's about me
and you and the team.

Oh. I know
what it is.

We should've talked
about this sooner.

I'm sorry I've been
so insensitive.

Oh, tony, I'm so glad
to hear you say that.

Look,
so you didn't master

The american
twist serve.

Frankly, I was
disappointed in you,

But hey,
you'll get it.

You just have
to practice harder.

Practice? Harder?

Yes. That's how
you win, win, win.

Hey, I don't need this,
not after the day I've had.

Well, that's why
you have to drive.

You got to drive.

Drive yourself.

Excuse me?

I'm not playing tonight.

I quit, coach.

I hear noise.

Angela, angela.
Hey, wait a minute.

Angela, you can't quit
the team.

I just did.

Why? Why are you
quitting?

Well, if you don't know why,
I'm not going to tell you.

Do you know why she's
quitting the team?

Yes.

Well, would you come on
and tell me?

Come on, the team's
gonna be here any minute.

You've been
very insensitive.

Angela, I'm sorry
I've been so insensitive.

Angela:
insensitive about what?

Insensitive about what?

For taking her
for granted.

For taking her
for granted.

I mean,
taking you for granted.

[Car honks]

Great, they're here.
Angela: nice try!

i hear mother
prompting you!

She is not prompting me.

Not at all.

Not at all.

Angela: i heard that!

[Car honks]

All right, look.

Angela, look,
whatever I did,

Whatever I did,
whatever I said, I'm sorry.

Please, come down.

Pretty please?

Angela!

Angela!

I've had just about
enough of this, angela.

Now, you get down here.

[Car honks]

Okay, angela, that's it.

That's it, angela.
I'm leaving.

I'm gone.
I'm out the door, angela.

I'm back
in the door, angela.

I'm giving you
one last chance.

Okay, that's it.
I'm gone.

Uh, before you go,

Could I ask you
just one question?

Yeah, what?
Does this
look pus-ey to you?

I'm not here for you.

I'm here for the marauders.

You're a little late.
The game's over.

So fast?

Yeah. It was
quick and painless.

A m*ssacre, huh?

Yeah. We k*lled them.

You won?

♪ go, marauders ♪

♪ micelli's marauders ♪

♪ k*ll, k*ll, k*ll, k*ll ♪

♪ k*ll ♪

[Laughing]

Angela,

You're off
the respirator.

I had to
tell them something.

You don't have
to make excuses.

Couples have arguments
all the time.

Oh yeah,
when I was married,

Harry and I
couldn't have sex

Without getting
into a fight.

Or was it
the other way around?

Im sorry, guys.
I didn't want to let you down.

Don't sweat it, we won.

Thanks to our
dynamic coach.

That's right.
There we were,


From winning,

Then you said
those magical words

That led us to victory.

Let's hear
them again.

Do good.

Oh!
Oh! Oh!

What a motivator.

Let's go collect
our victory dinner.

Yeah.

Are you coming?

Uh, in a minute,
in a minute.

They're doing
their make-up thing.

Ooh.
Aroo.

Well, you won.

Why are you so down?

I don't know.

I guess, uh...

I think something
was missing.

Maybe it was you.

What?

I said...

Maybe it was you.

Me?

Yeah, angela,
it's scary.

I mean, it used to be
winning was enough, you know.

But for the first
time in my life

Victory was nothing
but a hollow,

Empty meaningless word.

♪ loser, loser ♪

♪ loser, loser, loser ♪

I guess, I guess
I'm growing as a person.

It's a beautiful
thing to see.

Hey, angela,

I'm sorry I took you
for granted.

But one question, okay?

How did I take you
for granted?

Tony, think about it.

Ever since you started
coaching this team,

You started
bossing me around.

You're complimenting all
the other girls and not me.

You're solving all
the other girls' problems,

Ignoring mine.

What? But I did that
all for you, angela.

Look, I had to clear
their minds.

Hey look, you wanted me
to whip them into shape.

That's how I whip.

Well, I wanted you
to whip me.

I mean, I didn't--

I know
what you mean.

I wish you would have
given me a little attention.

Well, I didn't think
you needed it.

Let me tell you,
a good coach

Gives the weak players
attention,

Not the strong one.

The strong one?

Yeah.

The strong one.
I mean,

I'm not just talking
about volleyball either, angela.

I think you're one
of the strongest people I know.

I didn't know
you saw me that way.

Well, I do.

I mean, hey,

You know, raised
a kid on your own.

You got
your own business.

You put up with me.

This is the part where
you're supposed to say,

"Aw, you're not so bad."

Aw, you're not so bad.

Look, angela,
I guess when all
is said and done,

You're one tough babe.

You think of me
as a babe, too?

Yeah.

Especially when
your shorts ride up.

Tony,
just one question.

Yeah.

How'd you win without
your star player?

Oh, well,

We got a last minute
substitution, you know.

Inga.
Inga? How'd you
get her

To come over
to our team?

Well...
Ready for our date, tony?

Victory always
has its cost, angela.

And I'm going
to pay for this one.

who's the boss will be back
in a moment. Stick around.

Uh. I'm so stuffed.

Well, who told you to get
into a clam-eating contest

With bev's team?

Don't yell at me.
I'm sick.

Oh, darn.

My pus broke. Look.

Oh, mother.

Where is tony already?

Well, it's not his fault

His car broke down.

I told him
I'd pick him up

But he said inga
would bring him home.

Tony: thanks for the lift!

I'm home.

[Theme music playing]