04x25 - D.M.V. Blues

[bunniefuu]

I can't believe I got to go--martin!

Martin!

Baby?

[Martin] oh, baby!

We just finished all that an hour ago.

You still hollering my name?

Gina, baby, was it that good?

I say, baby, was it that good?

Martin, would you just come out here

For a minute, please?

Thank you.

Boo, whazzup? What's happening?

Whazzup? Whazzup?

Ain't no sun up in here. Why the glasses?

This is my day off, girl.

I'm letting my eyes chill.

Don't get jealous 'cause it's saturday

And you got to work.

You know what I mean?

Don't put the jealous on me.

I don't even know

Why you can't go to the car show

Next weekend when I'm off.

If it was just about the car show,

I would do that,

But I got to stop by

The opening of this new restaurant--

Planet in the 'hood.

Oh! I heard about that!

They're going to have all the celebrities there.

Allthe celebrities,

They going to be there.

They're coming out to get their photo ops.

You're just throwing it up in my face, right?

Basically, yeah. Yeah, baby, yeah.

Well, while you have your day off,

You might want to get this taken care of, my brother.

What is this?

Why you always throwing something on me, gina?

That is from our insurance company.

They are canceling our policy

Because you forgot to renew your driver's license.

So you might want to fit that

Into your itinerary!

Itinerary, gina?

Mm-hmm.

Just because you're going to have a bad day

Don't mean you got to come at me with the big words.

Captioning made possible by warner bros.

Whwh

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Ooh, yeah, yeawhazzup!♪

♪ I'm the man ♪

Tin ♪♪

I wish pam would hurry up.

Gina, are you riding pam to work?

Baby, why don't you just take the car?

As long as our insurance is canceled, I'm not driving.

[Knock on door]

That's pam. I know that paw scratch anywhere.

I'll bet you that's pam.

Hey.

Told you that was her!

Told you!

Wasn't that you pawing and scratching

At the door?

What you so happy for,

Small in the family?

Oh, I know what it is.

You finally learned how to climb up the curb.

You wild. You wild.

I'm wild.

No. No. But are still sleeping next to one?

Ripley's beweave it or not?

I can't beweave it.

I just can't beweave it.

I can't beweave it.

I don't have time for this ignorance, you fool.

Come on, gina.

Let's get to work.

Hey, y'all!

Vroom!

What's up, dawg?

You go, man!

Oh, no, martin!

It's bad enough I can't go,

But you're just going to take

Dr. Frankenshine instead?

It's not fair!

Gina, gina, now, look,

It's either tommy or do like they do in the motherland...

And take another wife.

Then you must be planning on moving to the motherland, then.

You just take care of your driver's license.

Hey, man, what was you talking about?

What happened to your license?

I just got to go down there, get it renewed.

We'll be in and out.

There ain't no in and out at the dmv, man.

It's an all-day thing unless you have an appointment.

Maybe unemployed brothers like you...

Got to wait in the line, tommy.

But not the host of word on the street.

Old marty-mart?

Please!

I ain't got to wait.

Man, I ain't got to wait.

This don't make no damn sense, man!

They must don't know me up in here.

No, martin.

They know exactly who you are.

Number !

Well, that ain't too bad.

What number are they on?

Number !

Excuse me--oh!

Hello!

Yes, I'm stepping in.

[Everybody yelling]

Sir, sir, please.

No, you in the back.

Oh, pardon.

Now, look here, partner.

I ain't trying to set off no riot up in here.

So, uh...

Before anybody recognizes me,

Why don't you go ahead, stamp my license

So I can be out?

First of all, who the hell are you?

If you don't know,

Then you must don't have a tv.

I got a tv, but I ain't never seen you on it.

Get to the back of the line!

All right. Let me try this being a little nicer.

Maybe my tone was out of tone.

[Polite voice] ahem. Sir...

I'm just trying to get my license renewed.

Oh! Is that all?

Yeah!

Well, fill out this paperwork

And step to the back of the line. Next!

You talking about all this paperwork, man?

Girl, I can't believe how lucky we are!

Make-me-all-that spa is the best account we ever had!

All we have to do for work today

Is try out beauty products.

They're going to be here any minute

To come pamper us.

Gina, what you want done first?

Do you want a body massage, a facial, manicure, pedicure?

Honey, take your pick!

Girl! Please! It's all free.

Let's just get the works.

You know what I'm saying?

Gina, guess what. I got the perfect slogan.

All right. Good.

You come in whack,

And we'll make you all that!

All that! All that!

It's got rhyme-- all that!

Our work is done!

Know what I'm saying?

[Groans] tommy?

Hmm?

Hey, man, they ask you some stupid questions.

Height? What do they want to know about height for, man?

As long as your feet can touch the pedal, that's all that matters.

You missed a question-- "have you ever had any accidents?"

Uh...yeah, yeah. Today.

I accidentally brought my a*s to the dmv.

No, no. Mark it.

Let's get out of here and get your license.

Oh, whoa!

Excuse me, my brother. Excuse me.

You want to watch where the hell you going, wesley?

I said, excuse me.

You better head for the money train.

That brother ran out of here like he stole something.

Next in line.

Excuse me.

Come on, ma'am!

Nobody gets in front of me. Respect your elders.

Lady...

That's telling him. That's right.

Yo, lady, you ain't got to be bum-rushing me

Like you ain't got no home training.

Me and you done been through this before.

I recognize you. Come on, lady!

If I wanted to hurt you, you wouldn't be standing up.

You'd be getting up.

Come on, lady!

Hey, hey, hey. Come on, lady!

Stop it!

Wait a minute there, ma'am.

Don't you think you're a little up in age to be driving?

Well, maybe...

But I ain't too old to hit a old rug like that!

Fight!

Fight back, tommy!

That lady snuck me!

Here's my test.

I'm next.

There you go.

Oh!

Old lady.

All right.

She started that whole fight.

All right.

O.k.

Here. You probably want that, too.

Well, everything seems to be in order.

Now may I see your expired license, please?

O.k. My license.

Uh...

Oh, damn.

My wallet's gone.

The wannabe nino brown stole my wallet!

So you're saying you don't have a license?

Nah. I got a license.

I'm just saying somebody stole my wallet.

Oh. Sounds like you got a real problem.

This paperwork is for people who have a license.

And since you don't have one...

What the hell...

This paperwork is for people who lost their license,

Like yourself.

Oh, man, oh, man. This...

This looks like the damn yellow pages, man!

With all the coloring in here, man!

What am I supposed to do with this, man?

You're going to have to start all over.

You got to start from scratch.

And where the hell is scratch?

That's where from scratch is, huh?

What's up, now?

Ain't this something.

Arrr!

This is the written exam.

You cannot miss more than four answers,

Or you will have to take the test again next month.

Anyone cheating will be failed.

Any questions?

Yeah. Can my boy tommy

Kick it over here with me?

Is tommy the one getting the license?

No, sir. I already have a license.

Then get your fake isaac hayes-lookin' behind

Out of my test area.

No. I was just going--

Scoot, baldy!

I'll be right over here.

Now, the rest of you can...

Begin.

Damn.

These questions are hard.

All right.

Do you mind?

Yeah, I mind.

I can't see your damn answers, man.

When you cheat, you're only hurting yourself.

I'm going to hurt you

If you don't let me see your test.

Give me your test!

I got that answer, that answer.

Hey.

Hey, hey, what's happening, officer?

You know...

A lovely day at the dmv it is.

Lovely day at the dmv.

"If two cars arrive at a intersection...

"At the same time,

Who has the right of way?"

sh**t. That's easy.

Whichever car I'm driving.

No talking!

Damn.

How am I supposed to know what to do

When you come to a railroad crossing?

What's up, almond brown?

Why don't you let me help you with your little test?

Wh-wh-what you say, man? Wh-what?

Now, you know you heard me, almond.

I don't know why you're tripping

With your little almond self.

You're so almondy. Look at you.

I'm going to start calling you "almond joy."

sh**t. Let me tell you something.

I wrote a song about you.

I'm going to break it down for you.

[Falsetto] ♪ you bring me ♪

♪ Ooh-- ♪♪

Hey! Look. Look.

O.k.?

Now, look.

First of all, my name ain't no damn "almond."

O.k.? All right?

All right?

Now take your tall, fake rupaul-lookin' a*s...

No, you know what?

Never mind. Never mind.

I'm out. I'm out. I'm out.

Go on in, but I like 'em tough.

You is a small piece of leather,

But you're so well put together.

Call me, almond.

One minute left.

Hey, everybody...

There go michael jackson!

Yeah...yeah...

Oh, damn! Y'all missed him!

He had tito and janet jackson with him.

He was doing all his old stuff--

Beat it, billie jean.

He even moonwalked on 'em.

Time's up. Pencils down.

Mm-hmm.

Don't bother checking them. They're all correct.

[Chuckling]

No, sir. You are incorrect.

They're all wrong.

All wrong?

Why, that's impossible. I'm never wrong.

Hey.

That's what you get

For cheating off my test...

Poindexter!

But I didn't cheat.

Hey, get out of here and start from scratch.

Well, where's from scratch?

Don't start crying like a little punk.

Don't go weepin' and wimpin'.

Just get over-- you should have studied for the test!

I did study!

Mm-hmm.

Mmm.

[Chuckling]

Ha ha ha ha.

Looks like you got them all right there, mr. Payne.

Well, thank you.

So, why don't you go on and give me my license,

And I'll be out of here.

No, no, no. According to this,

You're supposed to wear corrective lenses.

You're not wearing them.

No lenses, no license.

Well, this ain't my--

What?

I mean--i mean, this is my--my test, but--

But, see, I don't wear--

What!

Oh...damn, man.

You mean now I got to get glasses, man?

Ohh...

All right, mr. Payne.

Read the first three lines.

O.k., But you got to show me where the chart is.

Over here!

Hurry up, will you? Weezy's waiting for me.

♪ R-e-s-p-e-c-t ♪

♪ Find out what it means to me ♪

♪ R-e-s-p-e-c-t ♪

♪ Take care of t.c.b. ♪

♪ Sock it to me ♪ sock it to me ♪

♪ Sock it to me ♪ sock it to me ♪

♪ Sock it to me ♪ sock it to me ♪

♪ Respect ♪

♪ Just a little bit ♪

♪ Respect-- ♪♪

Hey! What do you people think this is, a house party?

Well, the ladies sound so beautiful, don't you agree?

Man, you're just itching to go back to scratch!

All right. All right.

All right. Here.

Now let's read this chart.

♪ U-n-i-t-y ♪♪

Man, that'sa unity.

That was written by queen latifah.

You got them right without using your glasses.

All you have to do is have your picture taken.

I get pictures?

I need one for gina and one for my mom.

Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh!

You get at the end of the photo line.

Wait a minute, man.

Photo line or no line,

I ain't getting back in line.

Youwillbe taking my picture.

Maybe you don't understand.

Do I have to use sign language?

Huh? Huh? Huh?

Oh, no.

I understand sign language perfectly well.

You follow me?

You follow where I'm going with mine?

Huh?

You understand this?

Yeah, I understand that.

I understand that. Yeah.

Security!

What do you want to call security--

Yo, boys, what's up?

Get him out of here.

Gina, what the hell is going on up in here?

I thought you were supposed to be at work.

We are working, baby.

You call this work

When you're lying up here half butt-naked?

Look, here, bro, you missed a spot,

Right here.

Get off me, tommy!

I'm just helping. There's a spot--

Get off me!

Our clients wanted us to try out their beauty products

Before we started working on their campaign.

A little to the left, please?

Your clients?

You know, martin, they do makeovers, too.

Maybe they can make you over into an adult.

Martin...

How was your day, baby?

Y'all don't want to know about our day.

We spent all day--

Hey! Hey! Man.

What?

We spent all day at the car show.

Cars were speeding...

[Making car noises]

[Making car noises]

Yeah! Then we stopped at that new restaurant

I told you about...

Planet...

Planet in the 'hood, we stopped there.

Baby, lot of celebrities there.

They had, uh,

Snoop was there, mary j. Blige.

Even the fugees was there.

That surprised me.

It was the b*mb.

Straight up, it was the b*mb.

Ain't that right, tommy?

It was the b*mb.

Ka-boom.

You know, blew up, you know.

Good. I'm glad you had fun with tommy.

So tomorrow you can spend all day with me.

I have it all planned, baby.

We could go to brunch, then the museum,

To this play I heard about...

Yeah, baby, that all sounds good.

But first I've got to handle some business.

I got to stop by the courthouse

And handle this little as*ault thing.

I had got into a little altercation today,

But--but'll be in and out.

I won't be in there long.

Ain't that right, tommy?

It's just a little as*ault thing.

Tommy, it's just a little as*ault thing.

I'll just be in and out.

Yeah, damn that!

They listen, too.

We got to stop thinking we don't listen to each other's music,

'Cause we do.

Somebody said, "ri, ri, ri."

Ri, ri.

Here we come.

Action. Settle, please.

O.k., Uh, I don't know my lines, but let's go.