05x07 - The Life You Save May Make You Rich

[bunniefuu]

Ohh...martin.

Thank you.

You like that?

Yes, I do. Baby, this restaurant is gorgeous!

Ain't nothin' too good for my baby.

Anything you want, boo-boo.

Sweetie, this is romantic.

It reminds me of when we first started dating.

These prices ain't like when we first started datin'.

Damn, they ain't got no value packs up in here?

Would you stop?

[Giggling]

Come here.

You know what?

We haven't spent a nice quiet evening alone in a long time.

Well, that's why I chose this restaurant, gina--

Because it's nice and <span tts:fontstyle="italic">quiet.</Span>

[Loud laughter]

Damn. I know it ain't <span tts:fontstyle="italic">that</span>funny.

<Span tts:fontstyle="italic">bonjour,</span>monsieur, madame.

Thank you. Wow.

Baby, this is what I love about this restaurant.

I heard they got some nice wine.

Yeah? Yeah, real smooth.

[Inhales]

Yeah.

[Burps]

Man, what the hell is this?

But, monsieur, this is one of our best wines:

A <span tts:fontstyle="italic">margeaux,</span>.

Yeah, well, look,

Just drop the and bring me a .

Ah, an excellent choice, monsieur.

I believe I have a colt . Chilling in ze ice chest.

And for ze lady?

Um, I'll just have a white wine. Thanks.

[Loud laughter]

Damn, man.

My man, look...

You ought to tell live crew to keep it down,

Else I'm gonna open up a can of whup a*s.

Oh, no! Not ze whup a*s!

I will speak to the maitre d'.

Yeah, all right, do that.

Baby, don't let those people upset you.

Hey, gina, they ain't upsettin' me,

But, baby, at these prices,

I should be able to come to a restaurant with my baby

And enjoy a nice quiet evenin', lovely.

And you will, baby.

But first I gotta go to the little girls' room. Come here.

Hurry back. Hurry--

[Laughter]

[Choking]

Do you realize what you have done?

Nah, but if y'all tryin' to jack a brother,

I'm takin' the biggest one out first.

Oh, you do not understand.

You are a hero.

You have saved the life of prince uche.

What you talkin' about, man?

I didn't save the life of no hoochie.

What is your name?

Payne.

Martin payne.

Thank you, mr. Payne.

I owe you...

My life.

Captioning made possible by warner bros.

Whwh

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Ooh, yeah, yeawhazzup!♪

♪ I'm the man ♪

Tin ♪♪

Gina: I don't know, martin.

I'm tellin' you, gina.

Ok. I saved the life of an african prince, gina.

Hey, look, that brother was climbin'

The stairway to heaven, gina.

[Knock on door]

And marty-marty yanked him back down!

[Knock on door]

Well, maybe that's the prince now!

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Is this the home of martin payne?

I was sent by prince uche.

Oh, my god...

Ah...

I hate to say I told you so, gina,

But I told you so.

I am chigbo, aide to prince uche,

And I have come bearing gifts.

Gifts? Well, why didn't you say so? Come right in.

Back up, gina, back up.

Here. Come on in.

My husband told me that he saved the life of a prince,

But I didn't believe him.

Oh, yes. He is a national hero.

What?

It is the biggest celebration in nigeria

Since we won the olympic gold in soccer.

Hey, hey, anything for the home team.

That's just how I do.

The prince would like to express his gratitude

By presenting you with these gifts...

What?

I hope you will find these items to your liking.

Gina: ohh!

For me?

Martin!

Ohh!

For me?

Ooh, baby.

Ohh, gina, look...

Wait here.

A play station!

Gina, I ain't never had no play station, baby!

Wow!

Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo!

Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo!

Wh-what--

Baby...

Aah!

Aah!

What is it? Let me see!

Gina! Look, baby!

Ohh, baby!

Call me father time.

Look at the diamonds! It's a rolex.

I gather you like the gifts?

You gathered right, man.

Um, can you do me a favor?

Can you tell prince uche to--oh, ask him, rather--

Uh, to send me some sneakers--

Um, uh, size -- if he--if he don't mind?

Right away.

[Speaking nigerian]

Baby, I am so sorry that I doubted you.

Let me open this one-- no, gina...

No, no. Back up. Back up.

Don't try jackin' a brother now!

Oh--

This is mine...

All mine.

You know what? Let me tell you somethin'.

If you had to help somebody,

I'm glad you helped somebody...

With some money, dog!

I am, too, dog!

Ha ha ha ha!

Gina, you told me the little man got broke off,

But this is ridiculous.

Oh, snap. I didn't even know they made

Teeny tiny shoes this size!

Did the prince send you more stuff?

Uh, yeah, gina.

Baby, now I got more swooshes than tiger woods.

Don't you think this is going overboard, martin?

Come on.

Come on, baby. No, it's not too much, gina.

I saved the life of a prince, gina.

Whatever. I'm gonna go try this on. I can't...

[Knock on door]

Hey, what's up?

Pam: what is goin' on?

Hey, what?

Oh, no! I knew it!

I knew this stuff was hot!

He did it!

He did it, right here!

What the hell's goin' on?

How you gonna come back, bargin' into my place like that?

I'm about to deliver an a*s whuppin'.

I apologize for the intrusion,

But the prince demanded to see you.

How--how you doin', prince?

I'm happy to see you.

How are you, my friend? All right.

I just wanted to see if all the gifts met with your approval.

Oh, man, the gifts are beautiful.

They meet with my approval, everything.

But, uh, whazzup with your boys rollin' up in here like that?

This is my place, prince. You know what I mean?

They was about to catch a serious beatdown.

Um, what is this beatdown?

And where do you catch it?

Ah! Ha ha ha ha!

Looky here, chief.

Me and the man who saved your life,

We--we're like this here, right?

Go on and tell him. We're like this, right here.

That's right. We're like that. Partners.

I'm havin' a little problem with my pacer.

It's, uh, it's ridin' a little low.

Could you hook me up with some shocks?

Uh, look,

You're gonna have to excuse him.

He's a little... Mentally challenged.

Damn right, I am. Thank you. Thank you.

Excuse me, your majesty,

Look, can I ask you this question, man?

Where did you get this coffey, brother?

I would love to wear somethin' like that down at my job!

No disrespect intended, my good brother,

But the word in the motherland is, uh...

You ain't got no job!

I got a job, all right?

Pam: just move out of my way.

Get out of my way. We're tryin' to see the prince.

How you doin', prince? Pleased to meet you.

You know what? Don't pay them any mind.

I don't want anything from you, you know what I'm saying?

I--i just wanna know how can a sister be down?

Pam...pam.

'Cause I could use--

Excuse me.

Pam, excuse me. Back up off de prince.

Ok?

This is about <span tts:fontstyle="italic">me.</Span>

Baby, how does this look?

Like a vision of loveliness.

[Nervous laugh]

Um, who are all these people?

Martin?

Oh, g-gina, this is the prince.

This is prince uche. Yes!

Hi! How you doin'?

Prince uche. Prince uche.

That's my wife.

That's <span tts:fontstyle="italic">my</span>wife.

You are a very lucky man, mr. Payne.

Thank you very much.

You know, tonight is my last night in your country.

And it would be my...honor

To invite all of you to my hotel for dinner.

Ohh!

Did he invite us to the hotel?

We're invited to the hotel!

Yes! Can you believe that? We're goin'...

Now, are you sure you want gladys fright and the pips to be there?

Oh, yes, of course.

Uh, miss fright...

And her p*mps are more than welcome to come.

So I'll send my limo to pick you up.

And now, as they say in your country,

Let us be out.

[Squealing]

Martin: hey...

Peace to the motherland!

Harmony all over the world!

Sa-sarafina!

...and I mean this sincerely...

[Music playing]

Hey, we're in the presidential suite, dog!

Baby, this is gorgeous.

Let's check this out, man.

That's right.

I wonder how different it tastes--hey!

Hey, back off! You don't know me like that, man!

Wait a minute! Hold up, ok?

I do not get searched by men, ok?

Don't let me start nothin' up in here,

Not unless it's you,

'Cause you got a boomin'-a*s body.

Search me.

Welcome, mr. Payne!

I'm so pleased you could come.

We're honored to be here, prince uche, we really are.

Yeah, mr. Prince, we--we honored to have your free grub--

Straight up.

What are you talkin' about?

Dinner will be ready shortly, so please...

Enjoy the festivities.

Thank you.

Oh, my goodness. That was wonderful, ladies!

So, um...

What time do you get off?

So, um, you know I don't got no kids, right?

Oh, baby, this table looks good.

It sure does look good.

Yes. Ooh.

Mmm...

This is good.

Is it?

Yes, baby. I want the recipe to this. This is really good.

This chicken is the b*mb.

Oh, that is not chicken.

That is goat in a blanket.

Ehh--baa!

Baa!

Uh, mr. Payne,

I wonder if we might speak alone for a moment before dinner?

Sure. Sure.

If you will excuse us,

My servants will tend to your every need.

[Squeaky voice] mm-hmm.

Uh-oh. Baby, this is it.

I'm about to get broke off with the royal palace, gina.

Mm-hmm.

All right? Ohh!

Whoo!

Um, before we, um-- how you say--

Uh, get our rap on,

Uh, let us drink.

Sure.

Cool. Cool.

Ahh!

Ooh.

Uh,

Hold on, prince uche.

This ain't got goat in it, too, do it?

Goat? Yeah.

Oh--ah ha!

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha!

Uh, no.

Uh, mr. Payne-- ahhh--fzzz!

[Making jungle noises]

Ah. Ah-ooh.

Uh, mr. Payne,

I wish to...

Make you a proposition.

Oh, well, whatever the proposition is, I accept,

'Cause all your propositions in the past

Have been all that.

Oh, well, this regards gina.

Oh, you mean gina? I'm the one who saved your life, prince.

Prince uche, it's all about me!

Ehh...

Well, this involves the both of you.

I wish to offer gina a position in my kingdom.

What?

Prince uche, are you offering my wife gina a job?

Uh... Something like that.

Well--well, gina already has a job.

You know...

I am willing to pay quite handsomely.

Oh, man!

You serious?

Man, that is whoo, whoo, whoo, fine!

You know what I mean? Um...

Wh-what kind of job is this?

I wish to employ gina as my concubine.

Concubine?!

Ah...

That's a pretty high position, huh?

Oh, it is.

She'll be working right under me.

What? So you gonna be watching her all the time, then?

All right. All right.

Don't worry. With this kind of money,

I'm sure gina will be down!

So--so, we are in agreement?

Prince uche,

We're here!

Here? Here!

Gina, if you will go with these two ladies,

They have a special gift for you.

A gift for me?

Ah-ah-ah. I want a gift, too.

Ha ha. You know, baby,

A lot of people don't know this, but, ahem,

Shaka zulu was bald-headed.

[Speaking nigerian]

[Speaking nigerian]

[Speaking nigerian]

Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey!

Gooley googoo to you, too.

Ha ha ha ha.

Nanu guanu.

Mama say, mama sah.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

What did they say, man?

Loosely translated, they said,

"Step off before I bust your fronts."

What?

They fine, but they ain't all that.

Ah, I'm afraid they are.

You see, they are prince uche's wives.

[Coughs]

Huh?

Wives?

Hey, come on, cole.

Hey, martin,

You ain't gonna believe this, man,

But all these women-- they prince uche's wives.

Come on, man, i...

I'm fertile.

Look, does anybody know how to say, "gimme them digits" in ebol?

Pam, you better back up off them.

You see, they eat goat.

[Music plays]

Gina! Oh, my...

Baby, look what they've given me!

You're beautiful, baby.

Well, get used to it, gina.

It's probably your new work clothes.

Work clothes?

What are you talking about, martin?

I'm talkin' about your man

Gettin' you a job workin' for prince uche.

[Gasps]

And this is how much you're gonna be gettin' paid.

You are kidding me...

[Gasps]

Whoo-whoo whoo-whoo whoo-whoo!

Whoo-whoo whoo-whoo whoo-whoo!

Damn, martin,

I have not seen this many zeros since...

Your family reunion!

At least at our family reunion, we don't eat our young.

Don't start-- not in front of my boss!

Not in front of my boss!

Not in front of my boss!

All up in the past.

Listen, listen...

Martin, just talk to me, baby.

What kind of job pays that much money?

All right, well...

Anyway, I wanted-- I wanted it to be a good job.

Ha ha!

Anyway, gina, you're gonna be working for prince uche

As his...

His concubine.

Concubine?! Concubine?!

Porcupine?

Gina ain't got no needles.

Get out the way, man!

Breathe.

Just breathe, honey.

Look, martin, do you know what a concubine is?

Not exactly, but I know it pays a grip, tommy.

When a man takes a woman as his concubine,

She becomes his lover or another wife.

[Bawling] lord, what's wrong with him?

What's wrong with him?

Oh, baby, I didn't know!

Look, tell the truth, y'all.

Don't concubine sound like a good job?

No!

Why don't you...

Besides, they threw me with the accent!

Martin, you are an idiot!

[Gina squealing] I don't believe him!

If you will excuse me,

I am going to forego dinner this evening

And retire with my new wife.

What? Martin!

If you don't let my wife's hand go,

I'm gonna beat you like a drum.

Huh? Whazzup? Whazzup, punk?

But I thought we were here.

Somebody done told you wrong, man.

You runnin' around here with all the drums. That's nice.

Offerin' people goat in a blanket and all that--

That's cool, man.

But ain't no prince uche gonna be hittin' my wife's--

Uh, martin, martin!

Jus--just calm down.

No, no, no, come on.

Come on, relax, relax.

It's ok, all right? I'll handle this.

Um...

Prince uche,

Obviously there's been some kind of misunderstanding.

Oh, yes, I apologize if I offended you, mr. Payne.

Oh, that's all right. That's all right.

There's just been a big misunderstanding and mistake,

And, martin, let's go, ok?

All right, look, uh,

No--no hard feelings, ok?

Everything's cool. We gonna roll.

Uh, one more thing before you go...

Pam: wait. What's going on here?

Hey...

Pam: oh...snap.

Oh.

I'll get the rest of the gifts tomorrow.

All right, fine, prince uche.

I'll make a deal with you.

I'll give you pam...

If you let me keep the gifts.

Look, she won't make much of a wife,

But she'll guard your palace...

Better than any pit bull I know.

And that's a bargain.

Martin: I'm giving you a bargain,

And I'll be putting a down payment,

And I want my rolex back!

Call me, baby.

You want somethin' to drink?

You look like you like snacks-- no disrespect.

I'm rather fond of iguana, but...

If you don't happen to have any about,

That will be quite all right.

Thank you, mr. Payne,

But if you ever do that again,

I will stomp a mudhole in your a*s.