What the hell?!
Cole, boy, you almost ma--
Ooh!
What you doin' comin' in here this time of night?
And you would be who?
Hi.
Uh, moms, this my friend rhonda.
Ha ha. Moms, rhonda. Rhonda, moms.
Good night, moms. Come on.
Your mother is your roommate, cole?
Roommate?
Roommates pay rent.
Cole is more like a squatter.
Huh!
Whoo! That's funny, mom.
Well... Good night, moms. Come on.
So where was y'all goin' this time of night?
Well, we tried to go see <span tts:fontstyle="italic">nothing to lose,</span> but it was sold out.
What?! You should've told me, baby.
I got the hookup.
I got a bootleg copy in the room.
Let me get it for ya. Mm-hmm.
Cole, act like you got some kind of home trainin'.
Offer your ladyfriend here some of them pig knuckles.
You know what, cole? Maybe I should just go.
No, no, no, baby. Chill, chill. Please? Please?
Baby, don't you go nowhere, ok?
Cole gonna go in there
And straighten everything out. Mmm.
Rrrr. You stay right there.
You sure you don't want no pig knuckles?
Oh, no, no, no. I'm cool. Uh-huh.
Ok.
Now look here, moms--
Did you see how that heifer looked
When I offered her some pig knuckles?!
Ma, everybody black don't eat pig knuckles!
Ain't she ever seen pig knuckles?
Hey, ma, I got to get me some tonight. Now, what's up?
Well, you better get you a $ motel.
Well, give me some money.
Take it.
You don't have to tell me twice.
No, she didn't. No, she didn't.
Hey, rhonda!
I got $!
Thank you, ma. Thanks a lot.
Hope you satisfied. She's gone.
I didn't like her little stank attitude, anyway.
Let me ask you somethin'.
How come every time I bring somebody over here,
You got to be all up in my business?
'Cause <span tts:fontstyle="italic">i</span>pay the rent here.
I'll never get in your business, cole.
Now, what happened to that nice little shanise girl?
Well, you know, shanise was cool.
I mean, I really liked her, ma. You know what I'm sayin'?
I thought she was the one. Mm-hmm.
She told me she needed some space, so I backed up off her.
Ooh, that's a shame. I liked her.
I liked her <span tts:fontstyle="italic">way</span>better
Than I liked that little stuck-up thing that went out the door.
Yeah, ma, me, too. You know, but, uh, in the meantime,
Brother got needs, you know?
Brother got needs.
I got needs, too.
So why don't you go on over there in the kitchen
And heat me up some of them pig knuckle?
And while you're over there, baby, look in that junk drawer.
Give me that sharp razor, 'cause my corns is kickin'!
Captioniwhwhade possible by warner bros.
♪ Martin ♪
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
♪ Ooh, yeah, yeawhazzup!♪
♪ I'm the man ♪
Tin ♪♪
Wha-what time cole say he was goin' to be here?
I don't know. Martin... That's another thing.
Why did we have to ask cole to housesit?
Why couldn't we ask pam?
Uh, baby, I thought of that.
But tonight, it's a full moon, gina.
Baby, I figured the wolf pam would be busy.
You know, you really need to leave her alone.
She ain't here to crack on you.
Yeah, but, hey, hey-- uh, there it is. There it is.
It's all fixed now.
See, we totally secure now, baby.
See, what I like about this lock-- 'cause it's dynamic,
So, you know.
And what it does is,
People can't just walk right in there, so...
You, uh, you ought to get that checked on, man.
People can just walk right in.
Cole, do me a favor.
What--what's up?
Remind me to give you a a*s-whuppin' later.
What time's good for you?
Uh...
Let's see...
Uh, : is good for me.
Uh, I'm busy at :.
Can't do that.
Well, what time can you get, then?
All right, cool.Well, I'm gonna be runnin' late,
Ok. But wait on my a*s whuppin'.
Ok, cool.
All right, now... Listen up.
We got some rules to run by you.
Gina, run it down.
I got this, baby.
All right, cole, first things first.
Um, no long-distance calls.
Long-distance calls.
No local calls.
Local calls.
No company.
No company.
And--and-- and most of all,
No toenail clippin'.
Uhh! Flashback.
All right, gina. All right, cool. Got it.
No problem. Anything else?
And, cole...
Uh...
You're not gonna like this,
But I put a lock on the fridge.
Uh, I set the alarm, so don't try to pick it.
So, uh... Ok.
So, that's it.
Cole, other than that, make yourself at home,
And we'll be back first thing in the morning.
Yup. Cool.
And, cole, remember...
Both: respect my house.
Right, right. I got that.
Bye. All right. Cool.
It ain't nothin' but a thang. That's what I'm sayin'.
I got it under control. Oh, good.
Hey, look. "No callin', no clippin', no company."
I ain't gonna do none of that!
Brother ain't gonna do none of that!
Till y'all are gone.
Sha-ping!
Shwoop!
Pow!
Shwoop-ping.
Ha!
[Knock on door]
Hold on.
Comin' right there, my sweet little chocolate frappuccino.
[Banging]
All right. Hold on, girl. I'm comin'. I'm comin'.
[Banging]
Girl, I said I'm comin'.
Oh, martin, please.
L-look, gina, just admit that you're wrong, baby,
And I'll squash the whole thing.
What--what are you talking about? I am not wrong.
It was not my fault that they changed our hotel into a topless bar.
Oh. And it's my fault, gina?
No. But why did it take you a half hour
To come up from out of there?
Baby, they had a -drink minimum.
You had to buy drinks.
Martin, please. Don't even try it.
Cole...
Is that my robe you got on, man?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. What you think?
I think you gonna be pickin' your teeth up off the floor, man,
You don't take off my robe, cole.
Take off my robe, man!
Hey, hey. One second. 'Scuse me.
[Sniffs]
Ew, you stink, cole! You stink!
What is that smelling
Like it ought to be damned, boy?
Yeah.
Ew-ky!
Oh, cole, damn!
What?
Smell like feet and a*s up in here, man.
Well, martin, this is <span tts:fontstyle="italic">your</span>cologne.
Next time, take a shower first.
It don't mix well with funk, man.
Hey, hey, guys, guys,
What brings you here?
We live here, cole.
Yeah, and we appreciate you lookin' out for our crib.
Now make like a kappa and step.
Step!
That's funny. Hey, look here, man.
I don't wanna get in the middle of no arguments
Between you and gina.
I can understand that.
You can understand that, right?
I mean, they take a long time, you know?
So why don't you two take the pacer--
It's right downstairs--
And go grab a bite for a couple of hours?
Oh!
Oh!
Cole, did you--
You--you wearin' the cologne, or did you drink it?
Cole...
What is this all about?
And where are all of our pictures?
How should I know, gina?
I don't live here. You do.
Hey, cole.
Sorry I'm late.
Gina: excuse, excuse, excuse...
'Scuse it, 'scuse it.
Who dis?
Who am <span tts:fontstyle="italic">i?</Span> who are <span tts:fontstyle="italic">you?</Span>
This is my man's apartment.
<Span tts:fontstyle="italic">your</span>man's apartment?
Mm-hmm.
Oh, no, sweetie.
This is not your man's apartment.
[Cat fighting]
We--we gonna roll now. We--we gonna get up out of here.
You know, cleaning people came real late.
Uh, we gonna get out your way
So y'all can clean my apartment.
Clean your--
Martin, you better-- [stammers] clean him!
Look--look here, cole. Look here, cole.
I suggest you and your little friend get on here, man.
Ok, get on, man. I mean, go step out the apartment, man,
Because ain't gonna be no gettin' busy up in our apartment, cole.
Not up in here, cole.
<Span tts:fontstyle="italic">your</span>apartment?
Yes.
Cole,
I cannot believe that you lied to me again!
This isn't your place.
You know what? You call me when you get it together
And not a minute less, ok?
All right. Uh-huh.
What y'all think?
She kinda-- she kinda cute? Sh--
Uhh! Cole!
Did we not say no company?
Did we not say that, cole?
We said no company.
Well, ok, y'all, ok. My bad, my bad, my bad.
Look, y'all don't understand, man.
I just can't get no privacy with moms around.
Yeah, yeah, and we can't get any privacy with you around.
And, you know,
I'm sure she don't mean to be facetious when she says that, man.
Whoo!
But, uh...
Hold a second.
W-w-what's "facetious" mean?
It really--
It really don't matter at this point, cole.
It really don't.
Ok? But the word seemed to flow at that point.
Ok? That's what really matters
In a conversation, cole.
Listen...
You're a grown damn man.
Grown damn man.
Martin: you know what I mean?
Get off the couch, man.
Get out of your mother's house.
Yup.
Stop puttin' your name on the orange juice.
Yeah, that's petty. That's real petty.
Get out...
And get your own place.
It's the american dream.
The american way.
Yeah, you--you--you right.
You right. I'm gonna take that chance, man.
I'm gonna go ahead and do that.
I'm gonna go on and get my own crib.
And when you do, you, too, can hear that sweet sound...
Both: ♪ that goes a little somethin' this ♪
Tommy: I gotta give it to cole.
He finally move out his mama's house.
Hmm, my peoples. Come on in.
Yes. That's right.
Welcome to the taj ma-cole!
Ooh-ooh-ooh-aah!
Lord have mercy. I don't believe it.
I mean...
I don't believe how nice this is, cole.
Thank you.
Yeah, cole, um, uh, the place is-- [stomps]
The place is, uh...
It's, um, it's a really-- [stammers]
Gina, help me out here, please.
Huh?
Um, it's, um...
It's...yours!
Yours.
And it just needs some home improvement.
Yeah.
Yeah, like a wreckin' ball.
Oh, man, this--this-- this place is terrible.
No, it's not.
Gina, it's whack.
You're exaggerating. It's not that bad. Martin...
Ok, maybe you're right.
Baby, it's worse.
Martin, don't even try it.
I don't know why <span tts:fontstyle="italic"> you</span>trippin'.
As tiny as this place is,
You should feel right at home.
Yeah, well, you better be careful.
I seen one of your little cousins in the corner.
Hey, look here!
Hey, come on, now! Look, hey, hey, hey!
Ain't gonna be no fightin' up in coley-cole's crib, all right?
You better tell him.
All right! All right!
My concern's on this man's place.
Ok. Listen. Come on, now.
Now all eyes on me.
I'm about to take you on the grand tour, ok?
Oh, cool.
Check it out.
Look out. Come on.
Ksh. If you look to your left,
You'll see that the living room/ dining room/kitchen--
End of tour.
Watch your steps gettin' off now.
Ksh.
Are you serious, man?
Man, this place is so small,
You gotta go outside to change your mind.
Happened to me yesterday.
Hey, cole, look, um,
At least you have a nice-size closet, man.
Closet! Come on, dawg, quit playin'.
This is the bedroom!
Wait a minute.
Bedroom? The only way you can sleep in there is standing up.
And why don't you show him how it's done, mr. Ed?
[Imitating mr. Ed] wilbur!
Cole: hey, hey, hey!
Why you startin' up in there, man?!
Why you tryin' to fight up in his place, though?
That's just disrespectful.
Don't be disrespectful, pam.
He always start it.
Hey, y'all gotta keep it down now.
I only paid rent for one month.
All right, all right.
Ok. Now listen.
Uh, now--now-- now check this out.
This is sweet right here.
You know, for when coley-cole
Have some company over, right?
Boom-boom!
Guest bedroom! Right here.
Oh, no, y'all. But look at this. This is nice.
This is nice. He has a nice little antique icebox.
This is very nice.
I say hot damn!
Oh, my goodness!
There's something rotten in there, cole.
You need to check that. There's--ooh!
Pam: what the hell?
Mm-mmm. Nah-nah, gina.
D-d-dis ain't mine.
Dis was here when I got here.
Come on. Cole ain't livin' like this. Come on.
But, uh, which reminds me, though,
'Cause, uh, I knew y'all was comin' over,
So I took the liberty of making y'all some lunch.
Lunch? Oh, whoo! Whoo!
Look at the time. I gotta be out!
See ya! I'm late for work!
Yeah, and I gotta drive him to work.
You know how important his job is.
Oh, ok, ok. Ah ha ha!
I see what this is. I see what this is.
You just jealous 'cause cole is livin' large now.
Cole, only thing large in here are the roaches.
Aw, damn, there go one!
Aw, damn, there go one!
Cole: come--come on in. Come on in.
Whoo!
So this is really your own place, right, cole?
Oh, yeah. That's right.
No roommates, no moms, and I can...
Clip my toenails anytime I want to.
That's real nice, cole.
Yeah. So, girl, don't hold back.
Come on, tell me what you think.
Ain't it the b*mb? Ain't it the b*mb, though?
Humph. Looks more like a b*mb hit it.
What, what, what? Oh, oh, I'm sorry. Let me take your coat.
Oh, mm-mmm. No, no. I'm gonna keep it on, 'cause, uh...
I don't wanna get my dress dirty.
Oh. Ok, cool. Look here.
Let me offer you some, uh, horse divers.
Horse divers?
Yeah, yeah.
[Mispronouncing] "h-horse d-divers."
Cole...
That's "hors d'oeuvres."
Oh.
[Mispronouncing] "horse divor--"
Dang.
I must have got the wrong box, then, huh?
Hey, hey, girl.
Spread a little of that on your cr*cker. Go on.
What's that?
Hog-head cheese, girl.
You better get with the hog-head cheese.
No, thank you. Uh, I'm gonna wait for dinner.
I don't wanna ruin my appetite.
I'm cool with that. Suit yourself.
Uh, uh, uh... Looky here.
Got myself another cozy couch.
Oh, is it?
Mm-hmm. Come on and test it out.
Come on, girl.
Sit your...
Pretty self down right there.
[Coughing]
You like that feature, don't you?
It's nice and cozy, ain't it?
If you say so.
Mm-hmm.
Nice and...
Mmm. Cozy. Mm-hmm.
[Sniffs]
[Blows air, sniffing]
Cole, where did you find this couch at, in a dumpster?
Oh, snap! You saw it, too?
I guess I beat you to it, then, huh?
You know what, cole? Ah ha.
I'm really sorry, but this ain't gonna work.
Hey, hey, hey, hold up, rhonda. Hold on.
Now you gotta wait.
You said once I get my own apartment
That things was gonna be cool.
Cole, this isn't an apartment, ok?
This is a disgrace. Look at this.
Look, uh...
And where'd you find this ugly lamp?
Hold--hold on. Uh-uh. Don't go there.
My mama gave me this ugly lamp.
You need to give it back to her.
Is that right?
You--you know what, rhonda?
You right.
I don't think this gonna work out.
This ain't happenin'.
Uh, I mean, you know, my place is cool--
I mean, it ain't all that, but...
It's mine. You know what I'm sayin'?
And I'd rather be here alone
Than spend one more second with you.
Now get your stuck-up, snotty a*s on out of here.
Well, I never.
And, honey, you never will with me. Peace!
Yeah, moms.
I wanna come back.
I'm lonely, and my place is whack.
Oh, and if you get this message,
It's me cole callin'.
[Knock on door]
Uh, sh-shanise.
Oh, I didn't think you were gonna recognize me.
It's--it's only been a few days.
Well, how come you didn't call me, cole?
Well, 'cause you said you needed some more space.
And I found more space.
I got a bigger apartment.
Is--is-- that's what you meant by you needed more space?
Well, yeah. What did you think I meant?
Eh, don't worry about that, girl.
So what's up? How'd you find me?
I ran into your mother in the parking lot.
[Gasps] no, you didn't! Is she ok?
Oh, she's all right, but my car is totaled.
Cole!
Your apartment!
Yeah, I know, I know. It's, uh...
Beautiful!
It is?
Well, yeah.
Look, all you need are some curtains.
Uh, maybe a rug, and...
This couch--
You know, I threw out one just like this this morning?
Girl, get outta here!
No, no, no, no. Don't.
[Knock on door]
Hey, hey, hey, cole. All right, man. Let's go.
What do you want us to move out of here first?
Oh, hi, shanise. Hey, shanise.
Hey, how y'all doin'? Yadda-yadda, all that.
Let's get this over with, please.
Yeah, cole, 'cause I got more important things to do with my time.
I mean, look, they got marathons of <span tts:fontstyle="italic"> what's happening now?</Span>
Happening all week.
What's happenin'?
Look, guys, I've decided that I'm not movin'. What?
What you mean you decided you're not movin'?
You called us all the way over here for nothin', cole?
Cole, I thought that you hated this place, and you wanted to move out.
Yeah, yeah, I know, guys.
I'm sorry, but I changed my mind.
Besides, shanise here says she gonna help me make it over.
Cole, I think we should fix the apartment up first
Before I give you a makeover.
Ok, look, guys, why don't we go so these two can...
Do whatever it is they do?
Ew.
Uh, ha. I'll tell ya.
Uh, listen, listen, cole...
Next time you decide to move,
I don't wanna know about it, man.
Don't call me.
Come on, let's get started.
That's exactly what I had in mind.
Yeah, cole, 'cause I got more important things to do, ok,
With my time. Why'd you call us over here? Whazzup? Uh...
I mean--i mean, what's happening? I mean--i mean--
Try it from here?
All right.
Hey, baby, hurry up with that lock.
If we're late to the hotel--
I knew I wasn't going to get that line. I'm sorry.